ALL OF ME
There used to be a light in this room, it used to shine whenever we were together. The… love we had…was pure, something that we couldn't ignore, something that felt even more that the cliché that society wanted to advertise.
I'm so tired of being here
It's broken, washed away in the rain that pours outside, tapping against the window. It's dark now, not just in this room, or in the other rooms in this apartment; it's dark in me too because he left, ran away…
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I don't, I can't go out anymore, I can't face the world as it is, turning like every day, a regular routine that is set by the sun and the moon. I cling to the bed, unwilling to face the monsters outside.
And if you had to leave
Everything you did in this place echoes of you. I can't help feeling the storm well in me as I feel their vibrations.
I wish that you would just leave
Why did you leave a piece of your soul with me?
Because your presence still lingers here
Like a ghost, an ancestral shade, it haunts my dreams, my breath, my wandering thoughts. It won't stop living…
And it won't leave me alone
Why did you have to take one of mine? Why did you have to be the one that had a hold over me, the only one who could cause this much pain.
These wounds won't seem to heal
Everything is so bright, in my face, telling me we are no more. The half-open boxes waiting at the door for you to carry away to that not-home place, cold and distant, like you…
This pain is just too real
I can't seem to remember a day without you and me together; a minute we didn't know where we were; a second we didn't think of each-other. Even now, I can feel in my heart your every beat of life, every step you stumble on.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
There were days when you remembered your earlier life, the memories oozing into your mind, infecting your soul; you would loose yourself, but I was always there, sitting with you as they washed over you with their black gaze.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your fears
They came at night too, finding their way into your dreams, torturing you with every inhalation of air. Your cries would shake me awake and I would hold you close, rocking with you as the vulnerability you refused to show shone dully. Always I was there, never one handbreadth away.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
When you had to confront them, after this score of years, I wept for you as your strength failed you and you were left alone in their abyss, this hole of fear and madness you were subjected to.
And I've held your hand through all of these years
I was never me, never my own when you came. There never was a defined role between us; we were friends, lovers, family. I sometimes think that I was the strong one through our time, but then I realised you held the keys to our bonding…
But you still have all of me
Your aura, the way you filled an empty space with vibrancy and colour, was the one thing I loved you for. You sounded cold, detached, but you wanted us. You were tied in with us and you faced it in the end. That's the only way a human can live.
You used to captivate me/ by your resonating light
I am the moth and you the flame; drawn to you, I died in the wash of ecstasy I felt as I flew into the destructive warmth. I cannot not forget what you've done to me.
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your figure shimmers before me, in the windows of this home, in the glass of wine, in the water droplets of the shower. I think I see you in the street only to find out that there was no-one there.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Those words you screamed at me before the door slammed in my face, it took away all I had… but I had nothing to end with.
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Please! Just leave me alone! Take away this unbearable chill you allowed into us!
These wounds won't seem to heal
I've cried enough over you, hurt myself for the sake of losing you.
This pain is just too real
Leave me be! Oh, why can't you? why can't I just be my own?
There's just too much that time cannot erase
All that we shared, was it for nothing? Did I waste the true sorrow I felt for you as we healed together?
When you cried I'd wipe away all of you tears
Sometimes I felt like giving up on you, but then you would be begging me to come back, a lonely little child who had never known anything free and loving.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
When you had to face up to the death of the man who had controlled you, I watched as you lost yourself again. And I brought you back, you told me; the only one who knew your heart…
And I've held your hand thought all of these years
But it was all for nothing. I'm nothing without my soul mate, my equal, my destiny…
But you still have all of me
He fingered the simple frame, tracing the lines of his face under the glass. His eyes were brimming with tears, fighting the agony that travelled through his body.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
A tear splashed against the glass. He began shaking with heart-wrenching sobs, clutching the photograph in his hands. He felt the drops run down his cheeks, caressing his pain.
And though you're still with me
With a sudden explosion, he threw the framed photograph against the wall, hearing the glass shatter and frame crack, watched the trail of glass trickle to the floor as if in slow motion.
He crumpled to the floor, legs giving way to the weariness felt in his spirit, moaning with the sobs that choked his breath away.
I've been alone all along
Banging against wood broke him out of mourning. He ignored it as it continued with increasing urgency. Finally it came to a point that he couldn't take it any more, shakily getting off the floor and padding to the door. he rubbed his eyes, trying to dispel the redness he knew would be present, but knew it wasn't worth the effort. He turned the lock and pulled open the door.
He stood there, outside of the door, clothing dripping with rain water, clinging to his skin like a leech. His usually stuck-up hair hung in wet tendrils over and around his face, glistening with the deep ocean depths. His hand was still raised in the air, curled into a fist to bang more. He looked at him, feeling his heart reach for him but shying back with the raw ache he felt.
"Ray, I –"
"Get out." His face was stricken with the sting of the words.
"please, you have to let me in."
"no. get out."
"please Ray, I beg of you , please, I need to tell you something"
"you have nothing to say to me. you've said enough, you've said it all!" he cried out, suddenly shoving the door closed against the frame, this unwelcome visitor.
"Ray! Don't! please, I love you!" Ray stopped. He looked at him with tear-filled eyes.
"why should I believe you Kai? After all you've done to me, to us… I can't believe anything you say anymore." pulling his head away from Ray's gaze, tears filled his eyes, pain welling as the words Ray spat out burned into him. unbeknownst to him, tears had already started to fall from Ray's golden eyes.
"I… can't…love you anymore, not after… what… you did…to me. go away Kai. I've…lost… you once, I'm not going to risk it again.
Kai looked up at Ray. Slowly he moved towards him watching from behind closed curtains, seeing everything in a daze. He raised his hands and cupped Ray's face in his calloused palms. Gently, he wiped away the flow of salty emotions.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
Ray crumpled into his arms, gulping breath in Kai's chest. Kai pulled him tighter to him, closing the chasm that was between them. He stroked Ray's raven hair, soothing him as he cried silently to himself.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
They stayed like that for a long time, both crying out the loss they had felt, at the pain, at the words spoken, the feelings that been torn into rags.
And I've held your hand through all of these years
Eventually, Ray felt everything had been drained, he was empty now, a shell of a man who was only beginning to be filled again. He lifted his head away from under Kai's chin and looked into his eyes. He saw the trace of tears down Kai's pale cheeks and the liquid still flowing down in unmeasured paces. A lingering look between their eyes told the truths waiting to be spoken, wordless in the meaning of their souls intertwining once again. He leaned towards Kai, and Kai to him. they sealed their love with a dry kiss, the explosion of their jumbled emotions taking them over and causing their passion for each-other to overwhelm them.
Fingers weaved into each-others tresses, knotting themselves as their lips crushed against each-other in promise…
But you still have all of me
me…
me…
me…
THE END
Song used: 'my immortal'- evanescence
Animè used: Beyblade
Don't you just hate it when 8 pages of hand-written story turns into 4 pages of typed story?