Disclaimer: Do I really need to do this? You do not appear to be stupid.
-_-;
*
Chapter 2 Prologue: A Dream Within a Dream
*
Two girls were leaving the ruins of a theater. The taller one had black hair that was streaked with a sanguine red. The other had her brown hair tied into two messy buns on both sides of the back of her head. Strands of stray hair randomly stuck out of the buns and made it look almost as if she had taken two mutated cabbages and pinned them to her head.
"Kitty, if you hate me so much. . ." Eve began, "then why'd you save me from being squashed like a bug?"
"Well, I just like to pride myself on helping those stupider than I." replied Katherine.
"Oh. . .poopeys, and here I thought you liked me." pouted Eve. She then started to randomly giggle to herself while doing the Macarena.
As you can see, Eve's mind tends to wander, or at least it did before it got lost. Kitty always told her it was far to little to be out on its own.
*
Katherine and Eve drove down the eerily empty road in silence. Suddenly, Eve screamed "STO-P!!!" and the car screeched as it was suddenly halted.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Katherine so pleasantly inquired, but Eve's attention was evidently fixed on a certain point on the road.
"Eve. . .what the bloody hell are you staring at?"
"I see something. . ." she said in an almost possessed voice.
"Oh gee, like what, a pig flying out of Brad Pitt's butt?!" Katherine proceeded to calmly bang her head on the steering wheel.
"It's. . .SPARKLY. . .ooh. . ." Eve said as she stepped out of the car.
"Come on EVE! We're going to be late!"
Eve paid no attention to Katherine's words as she walked to the "sparkly" object. As she inched closer she noticed that it was. . .A RING!!! A cheap plastic ring on closer inspection, but from far away it looked so beautiful. It. . .called to her. She looked at it closely and noticed that there were strange symbols on it.
"Hey Kat! This thing has writing on it!" shouted Eve, "It looks like. . .uh . . .it looks like Arabic!"
"What the? Whatever, just get back in the car."
Upon Eve's returning to the car, the sky darkened as storm clouds began to suddenly come in.
". . .that's a really purty ring. . ." Katherine said, her eyes becoming almost dreamy. "Could I maybe just. . ."
"NOOOO!!!! IT'S MY PRECIOUS!!!!"
". . .for God's sake Eve, it's a frickin plastic crackerjack prize."
"NOOO!!! YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT!!! IT CAME TO ME!!!"
Grappling ensued, and the ring was accidentally thrown into the air. The world went into slow motion as the ring slowly fell onto Katherine's upturned middle finger (it's usually like that), spun on the the top of it, did a somersault, swam fifteen laps in the Olympics and finally fell onto her finger.
Suddenly, everything around them vanished, and a giant red eyeball in a circle of fire came out of nowhere.
Katherine and Eve went wide-eyed and began to scream when-
SUDDENLY!
The "Clear Eyes" commercial Guy comes out and says in his dull, boring, and Monotone voice, "For dry, red eyes, 'Clear Eyes is awesome." He then pulled out a Super Soaker full of the magical healing water and sprayed Sauron with it. "It removes redness, and has an ingredient to moisturize."
"Wow." chimed Katherine and Eve.
"AUGH!!!! MY EYE!!! IT BURNNNNSSSS!!!!" screamed Sauron, as he used his powers to turn the "Clear Eyes" guy into a crumpet.
The Eye then turned to Katherine and Eve, both of whom were cowering in fear.
"NO!!! PLEASE DON'T TURN ME INTO A CRUMPET!" pleaded Eve "I'LL NEVER MEET GUYS THAT WAY!!!". Eve was on the verge of tears while Katherine was repenting for all the sins she had ever committed (which of course, there were a lot of).
"Oh now, no need to worry." said Sauron cheerfully in a British accent "How's about you two come in and meet the Mrs.?"
"Um. . .no, really. . .it's, uh, okay." said Katherine nervously.
"Oh, no, it's no trouble at all! Come inside, the Mrs. should have some tea going. We can all have crumpets! I do love crumpets. . .come to think of it, I REALLY like crumpets." Sauron telepathically picked up the crumpet that was once Ben Stein and ate it with his eye.
"GOOD GOD, YOU EVIL EYE!!! I SHALL DESTROY THOU!" Katherine gathered power to her, and transformed into HE-MAN!!! "I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Chapter 2: It's you. . .DIE!!!!
*
I slowly opened my eyes as sleep left me and looked at my surroundings. Tall trees and massive ethereal stone buildings were all around me, and in the passenger seat of my car was Eve, still wheezing.
"Wait. . .oh no. . .anything but this!!!" I screamed to God, or the Valar, or anyone who might have been listening.
These surroundings were all too familiar, the trees, the stone buildings, the waterfalls all registered in my brain as a place that I had been before.
"Holy shit, I'm either delusional, high, or I'm.I'm back." I said to the air, and my voice apparently awoke Eve.
". . .OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN RAPED!!!" she screamed as she realized that she was in a car which was apparently in the middle of nowhere. When she realized that I was in the car too, she started screaming about how we were both raped.
"Eve. . .Eve? Eve, just. . .shut up." I said, tired of her shrill ravings.
*
*
*
Flashback
"Oh no, I'm lost!" I cried as I looked at my surroundings. Pushing some stray bleached hairs behind my ears, I started to cautiously look around. I couldn't see anything that was even remotely familiar to me. No people, no cars, no malls, nothing. Everything was like, so. . .naturey.
"I don't know where I am, and I can be raped at any time! Tender young attractive girls like me can't be alone in the wilderness!!!" I exclaimed to myself. Feeling hopeless, I decided to sit down on a log and cry.
My sobs pretty fell on deaf ears however, and being alone just made me even sadder.
After a while all the crying wore me out, so I curled myself into a ball on the ground and fell asleep. Oh great, now my hair is going to get dirty too. Stupid nature.
End of Flashback
*
*
*
"Kate, where are we?" Eve timidly asked, fearing the answer. I sighed, since I was pretty sure about where I was, but doubted that she would believe where SHE was. "We're in Rivendell. . ." I answered, waiting for her to pass out or something. She didn't.
"Riven-dale?" she asked, again in that small and uncertain voice. "Is that, like, in Oregon?"
I resisted the urge to bang my head repeatedly on the steering wheel. "No Eve, we are not in Oregon. I doubt that we're even on Earth anymore."
". . .oh my GOD!!! WE'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!!"
Eve started to scream incoherent ravings about alien rape, and I soon got tired of her and got out of the car. Honestly, that girl is going to cost me my hearing.
*
*
*
Flashback
"If this is just a dream, then we'll have to say goodbye won't we?" I asked him wistfully.
End of Flashback
*
*
*
I froze, suddenly realizing that being here would be a very bad thing. Not so much the being here, but that being here would mean that HE would also be here. Truth be told, I did not want to see him. Thanks to him, I lost my perception of reality and my sanity. Honestly, it sucks to fall in love with a fictional character. It sucks because that person's not real, and no matter how hard you pray and no matter how hard you wish, that person is NEVER going to be real. That person will never love you back because, gee, I don't know, maybe because he/she doesn't even EXIST?!
Still, as pathetic as it may be, it's a lot healthier than falling in love with a fictional character that's no longer really all that fictional. In fact, if he lives and breathes and pretty much exists, he's not all that fictional anymore is he? That's when you should get worried and start questioning your sanity. God knows that I have.
"Meow-Mix, is everything okay?"
I flinched from the sheer stupidity of the nickname, but turned to face a now calm Eve. Apparently she'd somehow managed to mellow out.
"Well, I guess it is in a way, but. . .actually no. This just sucks. It really sucks." I answered, leaning against the side of the car. My psychiatrist always did tell me to try and see the positive aspects of things.
"So. . .could you maybe tell me where we are?" she asked again, only a lot calmer. "I mean, really, where the heck are we?"
I gave her a glare for no apparent reason, I was just irritated by her little "interrogation" and I really did not want to be here, in "Rivendell". It wasn't until then that I noticed that there were actually people around us. Not so much around us, but a bit off in the distance, figures that lived within the pale stone buildings. Gross, now I'm getting all poetic. I sort of wondered if they saw us, but I just shrugged it off. At the moment I was more worried about running into "him". I was sort of expecting the little elvish people to arrest us for illegal parking though.
"Hello? Earth to Katnip?" Eve asked. "You're getting that mindless zombie look again!" Yes Eve, that is a very creative way to tell me that I'm spacing out. Thank you.
"Forgive me, but I was thinking. Do you do that often?"
Eve was a bit surprised, but already she was formulating a witty comeback, one that would leave me on my knees.
"Well. . .you're stupid."
Oh yes, I certainly felt my I.Q. drop TEN whole points with that one.
"But, Kitty, I can't help but feel that you're, like, not telling me the truth. So come on, where are we, and what's wrong?" she asked, this time putting her two questions together!
"Well. . . I think I'll just tell you the truth then." I said. "We're in Rivendell, home of the elves who have a hair bleach shortage. Being that everyone looks like the actors who played them in the movie, we will see Liv Tyler, Hugo Weaving and some other sorry saps who wish that they could be famous." I continued, "Please remember to keep your hands to yourself, and do not feed or pet the elves because they will be bite."
Eve was still confused.
"Didn't you read or watch 'The Lord of the Rings?!" I exclaimed.
"No. . .I'm not into that fantasy stuff. I did read the Hobbit in fifth grade though." she answered.
"You know what, forget it. Just get in the car." I commanded Eve, who looked even more confused than she did about two minutes ago.
If anything, I just had to get away.
"But, where are we going?" she asked me, as I opened the car door.
"Disneyland." I lied.
"Ooh! Disneyland!? YAY!!!" she squealed as she got into the car.
I was about to get in the car myself when I saw something move in the corner of my eye. As a reflex I sharply looked behind me to see what it was. I shouldn't have done that. I should have just ignored it. I should have just driven away. I shouldn't have looked, but I did.
I walked away from the car, slowly making my way toward him, he saw me but he didn't recognize me until we were a stone's throw from each other. I should have thrown a stone, or a boulder, or something that would cause grievous harm.
"It's you."I managed to say.
I stopped when I was right in front of him; he was a bit shorter than I remembered.
He didn't say anything. He was always good at that, not saying anything. He looked at me with utter disbelief.
"Katherine." he said, yes, that is my name, I think.
There was so much I wanted to say to him before, so much that I wanted to do. Now I could hardly remember anything.
I lifted my hands so that I could touch his face, then trailed then down until my hands reached the base of his neck. I rested them there, and felt the warm skin that was under my fingers. He didn't move, probably waiting for me to do something.
So I did.
I started to choke the life out of the stupid jerk.
"LEGOLAS! YOU FILTHY BASTARD ! ! ! ! !"
To Be Continued
***********************
Author's Note: Macarena. . .
*
Chapter 2 Prologue: A Dream Within a Dream
*
Two girls were leaving the ruins of a theater. The taller one had black hair that was streaked with a sanguine red. The other had her brown hair tied into two messy buns on both sides of the back of her head. Strands of stray hair randomly stuck out of the buns and made it look almost as if she had taken two mutated cabbages and pinned them to her head.
"Kitty, if you hate me so much. . ." Eve began, "then why'd you save me from being squashed like a bug?"
"Well, I just like to pride myself on helping those stupider than I." replied Katherine.
"Oh. . .poopeys, and here I thought you liked me." pouted Eve. She then started to randomly giggle to herself while doing the Macarena.
As you can see, Eve's mind tends to wander, or at least it did before it got lost. Kitty always told her it was far to little to be out on its own.
*
Katherine and Eve drove down the eerily empty road in silence. Suddenly, Eve screamed "STO-P!!!" and the car screeched as it was suddenly halted.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Katherine so pleasantly inquired, but Eve's attention was evidently fixed on a certain point on the road.
"Eve. . .what the bloody hell are you staring at?"
"I see something. . ." she said in an almost possessed voice.
"Oh gee, like what, a pig flying out of Brad Pitt's butt?!" Katherine proceeded to calmly bang her head on the steering wheel.
"It's. . .SPARKLY. . .ooh. . ." Eve said as she stepped out of the car.
"Come on EVE! We're going to be late!"
Eve paid no attention to Katherine's words as she walked to the "sparkly" object. As she inched closer she noticed that it was. . .A RING!!! A cheap plastic ring on closer inspection, but from far away it looked so beautiful. It. . .called to her. She looked at it closely and noticed that there were strange symbols on it.
"Hey Kat! This thing has writing on it!" shouted Eve, "It looks like. . .uh . . .it looks like Arabic!"
"What the? Whatever, just get back in the car."
Upon Eve's returning to the car, the sky darkened as storm clouds began to suddenly come in.
". . .that's a really purty ring. . ." Katherine said, her eyes becoming almost dreamy. "Could I maybe just. . ."
"NOOOO!!!! IT'S MY PRECIOUS!!!!"
". . .for God's sake Eve, it's a frickin plastic crackerjack prize."
"NOOO!!! YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT!!! IT CAME TO ME!!!"
Grappling ensued, and the ring was accidentally thrown into the air. The world went into slow motion as the ring slowly fell onto Katherine's upturned middle finger (it's usually like that), spun on the the top of it, did a somersault, swam fifteen laps in the Olympics and finally fell onto her finger.
Suddenly, everything around them vanished, and a giant red eyeball in a circle of fire came out of nowhere.
Katherine and Eve went wide-eyed and began to scream when-
SUDDENLY!
The "Clear Eyes" commercial Guy comes out and says in his dull, boring, and Monotone voice, "For dry, red eyes, 'Clear Eyes is awesome." He then pulled out a Super Soaker full of the magical healing water and sprayed Sauron with it. "It removes redness, and has an ingredient to moisturize."
"Wow." chimed Katherine and Eve.
"AUGH!!!! MY EYE!!! IT BURNNNNSSSS!!!!" screamed Sauron, as he used his powers to turn the "Clear Eyes" guy into a crumpet.
The Eye then turned to Katherine and Eve, both of whom were cowering in fear.
"NO!!! PLEASE DON'T TURN ME INTO A CRUMPET!" pleaded Eve "I'LL NEVER MEET GUYS THAT WAY!!!". Eve was on the verge of tears while Katherine was repenting for all the sins she had ever committed (which of course, there were a lot of).
"Oh now, no need to worry." said Sauron cheerfully in a British accent "How's about you two come in and meet the Mrs.?"
"Um. . .no, really. . .it's, uh, okay." said Katherine nervously.
"Oh, no, it's no trouble at all! Come inside, the Mrs. should have some tea going. We can all have crumpets! I do love crumpets. . .come to think of it, I REALLY like crumpets." Sauron telepathically picked up the crumpet that was once Ben Stein and ate it with his eye.
"GOOD GOD, YOU EVIL EYE!!! I SHALL DESTROY THOU!" Katherine gathered power to her, and transformed into HE-MAN!!! "I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Chapter 2: It's you. . .DIE!!!!
*
I slowly opened my eyes as sleep left me and looked at my surroundings. Tall trees and massive ethereal stone buildings were all around me, and in the passenger seat of my car was Eve, still wheezing.
"Wait. . .oh no. . .anything but this!!!" I screamed to God, or the Valar, or anyone who might have been listening.
These surroundings were all too familiar, the trees, the stone buildings, the waterfalls all registered in my brain as a place that I had been before.
"Holy shit, I'm either delusional, high, or I'm.I'm back." I said to the air, and my voice apparently awoke Eve.
". . .OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN RAPED!!!" she screamed as she realized that she was in a car which was apparently in the middle of nowhere. When she realized that I was in the car too, she started screaming about how we were both raped.
"Eve. . .Eve? Eve, just. . .shut up." I said, tired of her shrill ravings.
*
*
*
Flashback
"Oh no, I'm lost!" I cried as I looked at my surroundings. Pushing some stray bleached hairs behind my ears, I started to cautiously look around. I couldn't see anything that was even remotely familiar to me. No people, no cars, no malls, nothing. Everything was like, so. . .naturey.
"I don't know where I am, and I can be raped at any time! Tender young attractive girls like me can't be alone in the wilderness!!!" I exclaimed to myself. Feeling hopeless, I decided to sit down on a log and cry.
My sobs pretty fell on deaf ears however, and being alone just made me even sadder.
After a while all the crying wore me out, so I curled myself into a ball on the ground and fell asleep. Oh great, now my hair is going to get dirty too. Stupid nature.
End of Flashback
*
*
*
"Kate, where are we?" Eve timidly asked, fearing the answer. I sighed, since I was pretty sure about where I was, but doubted that she would believe where SHE was. "We're in Rivendell. . ." I answered, waiting for her to pass out or something. She didn't.
"Riven-dale?" she asked, again in that small and uncertain voice. "Is that, like, in Oregon?"
I resisted the urge to bang my head repeatedly on the steering wheel. "No Eve, we are not in Oregon. I doubt that we're even on Earth anymore."
". . .oh my GOD!!! WE'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!!"
Eve started to scream incoherent ravings about alien rape, and I soon got tired of her and got out of the car. Honestly, that girl is going to cost me my hearing.
*
*
*
Flashback
"If this is just a dream, then we'll have to say goodbye won't we?" I asked him wistfully.
End of Flashback
*
*
*
I froze, suddenly realizing that being here would be a very bad thing. Not so much the being here, but that being here would mean that HE would also be here. Truth be told, I did not want to see him. Thanks to him, I lost my perception of reality and my sanity. Honestly, it sucks to fall in love with a fictional character. It sucks because that person's not real, and no matter how hard you pray and no matter how hard you wish, that person is NEVER going to be real. That person will never love you back because, gee, I don't know, maybe because he/she doesn't even EXIST?!
Still, as pathetic as it may be, it's a lot healthier than falling in love with a fictional character that's no longer really all that fictional. In fact, if he lives and breathes and pretty much exists, he's not all that fictional anymore is he? That's when you should get worried and start questioning your sanity. God knows that I have.
"Meow-Mix, is everything okay?"
I flinched from the sheer stupidity of the nickname, but turned to face a now calm Eve. Apparently she'd somehow managed to mellow out.
"Well, I guess it is in a way, but. . .actually no. This just sucks. It really sucks." I answered, leaning against the side of the car. My psychiatrist always did tell me to try and see the positive aspects of things.
"So. . .could you maybe tell me where we are?" she asked again, only a lot calmer. "I mean, really, where the heck are we?"
I gave her a glare for no apparent reason, I was just irritated by her little "interrogation" and I really did not want to be here, in "Rivendell". It wasn't until then that I noticed that there were actually people around us. Not so much around us, but a bit off in the distance, figures that lived within the pale stone buildings. Gross, now I'm getting all poetic. I sort of wondered if they saw us, but I just shrugged it off. At the moment I was more worried about running into "him". I was sort of expecting the little elvish people to arrest us for illegal parking though.
"Hello? Earth to Katnip?" Eve asked. "You're getting that mindless zombie look again!" Yes Eve, that is a very creative way to tell me that I'm spacing out. Thank you.
"Forgive me, but I was thinking. Do you do that often?"
Eve was a bit surprised, but already she was formulating a witty comeback, one that would leave me on my knees.
"Well. . .you're stupid."
Oh yes, I certainly felt my I.Q. drop TEN whole points with that one.
"But, Kitty, I can't help but feel that you're, like, not telling me the truth. So come on, where are we, and what's wrong?" she asked, this time putting her two questions together!
"Well. . . I think I'll just tell you the truth then." I said. "We're in Rivendell, home of the elves who have a hair bleach shortage. Being that everyone looks like the actors who played them in the movie, we will see Liv Tyler, Hugo Weaving and some other sorry saps who wish that they could be famous." I continued, "Please remember to keep your hands to yourself, and do not feed or pet the elves because they will be bite."
Eve was still confused.
"Didn't you read or watch 'The Lord of the Rings?!" I exclaimed.
"No. . .I'm not into that fantasy stuff. I did read the Hobbit in fifth grade though." she answered.
"You know what, forget it. Just get in the car." I commanded Eve, who looked even more confused than she did about two minutes ago.
If anything, I just had to get away.
"But, where are we going?" she asked me, as I opened the car door.
"Disneyland." I lied.
"Ooh! Disneyland!? YAY!!!" she squealed as she got into the car.
I was about to get in the car myself when I saw something move in the corner of my eye. As a reflex I sharply looked behind me to see what it was. I shouldn't have done that. I should have just ignored it. I should have just driven away. I shouldn't have looked, but I did.
I walked away from the car, slowly making my way toward him, he saw me but he didn't recognize me until we were a stone's throw from each other. I should have thrown a stone, or a boulder, or something that would cause grievous harm.
"It's you."I managed to say.
I stopped when I was right in front of him; he was a bit shorter than I remembered.
He didn't say anything. He was always good at that, not saying anything. He looked at me with utter disbelief.
"Katherine." he said, yes, that is my name, I think.
There was so much I wanted to say to him before, so much that I wanted to do. Now I could hardly remember anything.
I lifted my hands so that I could touch his face, then trailed then down until my hands reached the base of his neck. I rested them there, and felt the warm skin that was under my fingers. He didn't move, probably waiting for me to do something.
So I did.
I started to choke the life out of the stupid jerk.
"LEGOLAS! YOU FILTHY BASTARD ! ! ! ! !"
To Be Continued
***********************
Author's Note: Macarena. . .