Author's Note: Okay, in case you haven't noticed by now, this story
switches from past to present. The past is a seriously contrived typical
Mary-Sue, and the present is the reality of the aftermath of such an
unhealthy relationship. It's a bit confusing, but remember that 3 * * *
means swirly-flashback time, and one or two just mean I'm digressing or
something. Wow! I've finally updated! Sorry about the wait. Ah yes, and
the prologues don't really mean anything. They're just random shit or
dream sequences that Katherine has. Carry on.
*
*
Chapter 3 Prologue: From Which I Can't Wake Up
*
I slowly made my way to where Galadriel was standing, next to her was a dishy-saucer thing that was filled with water. She looked at me with her emotionless grey blue eyes.
"A long time ago, I had a beautiful baby daughter." she said.
"That's very nice." I answered, feeling very awkward.
"I imagine that she would have turned out like you. . ."
I didn't know how to exactly respond to something like that. It was a compliment at best, and a totally freaky off-subject comment at worst.
She didn't really seem to mind however, and she motioned to the dish/saucer/birdbath. I looked at it, then looked at her, then looked at it again.
". . .am I supposed to wash my face or something?" I asked, totally confused.
She sighed, probably because my ignorance wearied her.
"Many things I can command the Mirror to reveal", she said, "and to some I can show what they desire to see. But the Mirror may also-blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
"Would you like to see?" she finally asked me.
I hesitated, then nodded my head yes and leaned over to look into the "Mirror".
I first saw my parents back home, smiling and showing me off at my first birthday. The vision then changed to show my arrival to Middle Earth; me looking around like a lost tourist in a foreign country. Then there were random images of the Fellowship's journey with me tagging along like an eager puppy.
Suddenly, all the familiar images changed into a scene that I had never witnessed before.
*
Galadriel and Celeborn are looking for something.
Galadriel: You IDIOT! How could you lose the baby?! (looks under some sofa cushions)
Celeborn: Well, I did find fifteen cents. (outstretches arm to show her)
Galadriel looks at him annoyed.
Galadriel: (shrugs) Oh well, we can always have more. (pockets the fifteen cents)
*
Then the Mirror faded, and I looked up at Galadriel.
"You. . .you're my real mother aren't you. . .?" I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. My life had been a lie all this time.
Galadriel started laughing hysterically.
"Hell NO! You're just a filthy human bugger! I just wanted to mess wit yo mind foo!!!"
She suddenly rips off her clothes to reveal some ghetto-fabulous threads and Celeborn suddenly drives in with his pimped out Cadillac.
Cel-Z takes a puff from his cigar then slowly puts it down.
"Damn bitch, you'z da finest."
"I like death-metal." I add.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
Chapter 3: A Severe Case of Déjà vu
"YOU STUPID STUPID STUPID JERK!" I scream, repeatedly bashing Legolas's head into the hard ground, my hands still strangling the life out of him.
His hands suddenly pull mine away from his much abused neck, and the two of us start grappling on the ground.
By now a whole bunch of elves had gathered to watch the spectacle, and for a second I saw (amidst all the tossing and flailing) a small gaggle of preteen elves who were on the brink of tears. Haha.
A few years ago (supposing that anything really happened and that I'm not completely daft), Legolas could have easily pinned me to the ground (and then would proceed to tear my clothes off), but I've been working out. Maybe it was for this moment, who knows.
Still, he's been working out a LOT longer than I have.
"What in the Valar's name is wrong with you?!" he gasped, apparently still catching his breath after the little choking incident. It was painful having him practically sit on me, but I still managed to glare and glare and glare at him.
"You want to know what's wrong Leggy?" I asked, trying to make eye contact while simultaneously avoiding looking into his eyes. "You want the truth? Well you know what? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!"
A loud clonk was heard in Rivendell, and Legolas was knocked out cold: a head butt to the. . . well. . .head. I hit him more than a little harder than I meant to.
I'm starting to see dots; damn, I hit him hard enough to knock both of us out.
There was a general silence as everyone just stood there in shock. Eve was just as shocked as anyone, though she looked as though she was more shocked by the fact that everyone had pointy ears then by my knocking out a prince.
Everything's getting blurry. I hear voices and a general movement in the blurs. I think I recognize some of the voices, but it's all getting murky.
Stupid mild concussion. I need an aspirin.
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
Katherine heard footsteps behind her and she quickly spun around, startled.
What she saw she would describe in five words: "Major Hottie. . . who eats mangoes."
The tall man had long blond hair ("ok, so it's a little girly, but he's sooo hot!") and piercing blue eyes. He also had really pointy ears.
"Heehee. Pointy. Freak." she thought to herself.
"Are you alright my lady?" he asked "Are you lost?"
"Well, yes, I seem to have lost my way, and I'm so scared!" she softly cried, the gravity of her situation dawning on her.
Legolas could easily tell that this was a beautiful, smart, kind, witty, charismatic, charitable, well-mannered, patient, generous, well-bred, intellectual, feminine but not too feminine, patient, calm, animal-loving, talented, athletic, humble and downright charming young woman who could definitely be seen marching around with a picket sign advocating feminism. He also knew that he had no idea what a picket sign or feminism was.
Katherine was sad, but she also couldn't help but feel strangely attracted to this man whom she'd met just two minutes ago. Deep down, she knew that this attraction had nothing to do with the fact that he was tall, young, handsome, had great teeth, a sexy British accent, a killer body, and piercing blue eyes. No, it was definitely something else.
"Well, a beautiful maiden like yourself should not be wandering around a forest without at least an escort." he said politely, noticing that the girl was blushing. "If you'd like, I could escort you back to Rivendell."
"Rivendell. That sounds so familiar." she thought "Maybe they have a payphone there".
Now, normally, Katherine didn't go anywhere with strange men that she'd just met, but she decided to put all her faith into this total stranger. He was, after all, quite cute, and the TV told her that beautiful people are always good people.
"Thank you, I'd like that very much." she replied, her spirits lifting.
Legolas offered her arm to Katherine, and she shyly accepted it.
"What is your name, beautiful maiden for you intrigue me so." (A/N: gag)
"Katherine. My name is Katherine Demeo. What's yours?"
"Legolas Greenleaf, my lady."
The two walked through the woods in silence, both pondering over the stupidity of the other's name.
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
I slowly opened my eyes, my mind very groggy. I was on a bed. A very soft bed. One with white sheets.
Suddenly startled, I shot out of the bed and got into a defensive stance on the floor. The room was semi-circularish and mostly everything was white. One far end of the room led out into a huge balcony with a beautiful view. God, I feel like a friggin realtor.
I slowly got up from the floor and started to look around the room. Next to the bed was a dresser, which I gingerly opened before haphazardly throwing its contents around the room. Dresses, dresses, dresses, and-oh look-more dresses. All quite pretty, and, more likely than not, very expensive.
Moving past the dresser and the new pile of poorly treated haute couture, I started looking through what appeared to be a little vanity. Only, instead of lots of make-up, there was a mountain of hair-products, a wide assortment of brushes, and a small vat of anti-aging cream (the secret beauty-product of the elves!). I picked up some of the hair products, but noted that most of them had only elfy-language (whatever you call it) written on them. One of them was written in English (COINCIDENTALLY the language of most people on Middle Earth), but put it down when I noticed that it said "Tested on Hobbits" in extremely fine print. Despite the language barrier, I was very tempted to try some of them; until I remembered that I had broken out into huge hives the last time I tried them.
I took a quick glance at my reflection, noting that I had acquired a bump on my head roughly the size of a baseball, then moved on to the rest of the room.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Legolas's POV (gasp)
That stupid bitch.
I swear, after all I've been through, worrying about what might have happened to her, the first thing she does when she sees me is an attempt on my life.
After all I'd been through. . .
Shaking my head, I briskly walked to where her room was. My head wasn't throbbing as much as before; the pain had gone down to that of my head being cracked open with a baseball bat.
She'd better tell me what the bloody hell is going on.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Back to Kitty's POV
With a sigh of some kind of emotion that I can't really describe, I flopped back onto the huge bed, the sheets cinematically floating down around me.
No doubt about it, this is definitely my room, and, no doubt about it, this is not some weird drug-induced hallucination.
It's kind of weird, how the elves somehow had a room with clothes that fit me perfectly and a whole mess of other stuff just waiting for me. One would half expect a sign outside that says "Welcome to Rivendell-Eternal Vacancy w/ rooms almost freakishly customized for YOUR personal needs at all conceivable times!"
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
The elves at Rivendell gave Katherine an amazing room that was fully furnished and had a great view of the waterfall. They also gave her an entire wardrobe of beautifully embroidered and ridiculously expensive dresses that miraculously fit her perfectly. All of this hospitality for a complete and utter stranger, a human no less. Not even just a human, but a human with a VAGINA! You see, Middle Earth wasn't exactly well known for its hospitality and equality between the sexes. This was due to the fact that there were always weird little buggers scurrying around, and that they were so far back in time that their idea of a toilet was a hole in the ground. Still, she was with Legolas, so they (being everyone) didn't exactly have much room to protest. Even Middle Earth gives recognition to celebrity.
"Woah, this place is so weird!" thought Katherine as she followed the lady with pointy ears (apparently a maid) to her room.
"Maybe the very fabric of reality was ripped to shreds, making it so that I was pulled into an alternate dimension where a group of furry footed midgets joined by more freaks must band together and destroy a ring which is the only way to kill an evil being whose only goal in life is to take over this world! ! !" she thought in one extremely long run-on sentence.
But then, such things only happen in books, movies, and really stupid fanfiction written by insanely horny preteens, so she shrugged it off and kept on following the pointy eared pretty lady.
Alayanarwieniananana, the "pointy eared pretty lady", was wondering why Legolas (who was a PRINCE for the Valar's sake) would go around picking up dirty little human girls wandering around the woods. Especially ones who go around dressed like men. (i.e. pants). And so Katherine silently followed Alayanarwieniananana, the former wondering where "Leggy-Lasso's" room was, and the latter going on and on over Katherine's flaws in her mind. In fact, she would not be the last. Katherine's very presence and the circumstances surrounding it were more likely than not to ignite criticism, skepticism, intense jealousy, and death threats. Partially from random members in the elf community, but mostly from angry preteen elf girls.
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
Bored from the obvious lack of entertainment in my room (i.e. no TV), I got up and tried to open the door but found it locked. Those damn paranoid elves had locked me in! I tried to open the door via jimmying the lock then by hitting it with a chair, but the damn thing wouldn't freaking open! Annoyed, I looked around the room for some other blunt object that I could hit the door with.
That's when the previously mentioned "beautiful view" sparked an idea in my brain.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Legolas's POV (again, that sexy bitch)
Taking the key from the long chain that hung around my neck (apparently the Rivendell elves thought that it would be best if I acted as prison warden for my significant other), I unlocked the door to her room and barely opened it.
Taking a careful peek through very small opening, I looked inside to find it very empty.
I cautiously went inside wondering if it was a trick, and noticed that a makeshift rope had been tied to one of the bed's posts.
Following the rope from the bed to the balcony, I peered over the balcony's railing and saw, to my utter annoyance, Katherine going into one of the buildings. Apparently the elves that had locked her in her room had forgotten that there was a rather huge escape route that was left unattended, and that anyone with an intelligence level higher than that of Lembas could easily escape.
Perhaps I should have stayed in Mirkwood after all.
*
To be continued.
*
*
Chapter 3 Prologue: From Which I Can't Wake Up
*
I slowly made my way to where Galadriel was standing, next to her was a dishy-saucer thing that was filled with water. She looked at me with her emotionless grey blue eyes.
"A long time ago, I had a beautiful baby daughter." she said.
"That's very nice." I answered, feeling very awkward.
"I imagine that she would have turned out like you. . ."
I didn't know how to exactly respond to something like that. It was a compliment at best, and a totally freaky off-subject comment at worst.
She didn't really seem to mind however, and she motioned to the dish/saucer/birdbath. I looked at it, then looked at her, then looked at it again.
". . .am I supposed to wash my face or something?" I asked, totally confused.
She sighed, probably because my ignorance wearied her.
"Many things I can command the Mirror to reveal", she said, "and to some I can show what they desire to see. But the Mirror may also-blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
"Would you like to see?" she finally asked me.
I hesitated, then nodded my head yes and leaned over to look into the "Mirror".
I first saw my parents back home, smiling and showing me off at my first birthday. The vision then changed to show my arrival to Middle Earth; me looking around like a lost tourist in a foreign country. Then there were random images of the Fellowship's journey with me tagging along like an eager puppy.
Suddenly, all the familiar images changed into a scene that I had never witnessed before.
*
Galadriel and Celeborn are looking for something.
Galadriel: You IDIOT! How could you lose the baby?! (looks under some sofa cushions)
Celeborn: Well, I did find fifteen cents. (outstretches arm to show her)
Galadriel looks at him annoyed.
Galadriel: (shrugs) Oh well, we can always have more. (pockets the fifteen cents)
*
Then the Mirror faded, and I looked up at Galadriel.
"You. . .you're my real mother aren't you. . .?" I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. My life had been a lie all this time.
Galadriel started laughing hysterically.
"Hell NO! You're just a filthy human bugger! I just wanted to mess wit yo mind foo!!!"
She suddenly rips off her clothes to reveal some ghetto-fabulous threads and Celeborn suddenly drives in with his pimped out Cadillac.
Cel-Z takes a puff from his cigar then slowly puts it down.
"Damn bitch, you'z da finest."
"I like death-metal." I add.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
Chapter 3: A Severe Case of Déjà vu
"YOU STUPID STUPID STUPID JERK!" I scream, repeatedly bashing Legolas's head into the hard ground, my hands still strangling the life out of him.
His hands suddenly pull mine away from his much abused neck, and the two of us start grappling on the ground.
By now a whole bunch of elves had gathered to watch the spectacle, and for a second I saw (amidst all the tossing and flailing) a small gaggle of preteen elves who were on the brink of tears. Haha.
A few years ago (supposing that anything really happened and that I'm not completely daft), Legolas could have easily pinned me to the ground (and then would proceed to tear my clothes off), but I've been working out. Maybe it was for this moment, who knows.
Still, he's been working out a LOT longer than I have.
"What in the Valar's name is wrong with you?!" he gasped, apparently still catching his breath after the little choking incident. It was painful having him practically sit on me, but I still managed to glare and glare and glare at him.
"You want to know what's wrong Leggy?" I asked, trying to make eye contact while simultaneously avoiding looking into his eyes. "You want the truth? Well you know what? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!"
A loud clonk was heard in Rivendell, and Legolas was knocked out cold: a head butt to the. . . well. . .head. I hit him more than a little harder than I meant to.
I'm starting to see dots; damn, I hit him hard enough to knock both of us out.
There was a general silence as everyone just stood there in shock. Eve was just as shocked as anyone, though she looked as though she was more shocked by the fact that everyone had pointy ears then by my knocking out a prince.
Everything's getting blurry. I hear voices and a general movement in the blurs. I think I recognize some of the voices, but it's all getting murky.
Stupid mild concussion. I need an aspirin.
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
Katherine heard footsteps behind her and she quickly spun around, startled.
What she saw she would describe in five words: "Major Hottie. . . who eats mangoes."
The tall man had long blond hair ("ok, so it's a little girly, but he's sooo hot!") and piercing blue eyes. He also had really pointy ears.
"Heehee. Pointy. Freak." she thought to herself.
"Are you alright my lady?" he asked "Are you lost?"
"Well, yes, I seem to have lost my way, and I'm so scared!" she softly cried, the gravity of her situation dawning on her.
Legolas could easily tell that this was a beautiful, smart, kind, witty, charismatic, charitable, well-mannered, patient, generous, well-bred, intellectual, feminine but not too feminine, patient, calm, animal-loving, talented, athletic, humble and downright charming young woman who could definitely be seen marching around with a picket sign advocating feminism. He also knew that he had no idea what a picket sign or feminism was.
Katherine was sad, but she also couldn't help but feel strangely attracted to this man whom she'd met just two minutes ago. Deep down, she knew that this attraction had nothing to do with the fact that he was tall, young, handsome, had great teeth, a sexy British accent, a killer body, and piercing blue eyes. No, it was definitely something else.
"Well, a beautiful maiden like yourself should not be wandering around a forest without at least an escort." he said politely, noticing that the girl was blushing. "If you'd like, I could escort you back to Rivendell."
"Rivendell. That sounds so familiar." she thought "Maybe they have a payphone there".
Now, normally, Katherine didn't go anywhere with strange men that she'd just met, but she decided to put all her faith into this total stranger. He was, after all, quite cute, and the TV told her that beautiful people are always good people.
"Thank you, I'd like that very much." she replied, her spirits lifting.
Legolas offered her arm to Katherine, and she shyly accepted it.
"What is your name, beautiful maiden for you intrigue me so." (A/N: gag)
"Katherine. My name is Katherine Demeo. What's yours?"
"Legolas Greenleaf, my lady."
The two walked through the woods in silence, both pondering over the stupidity of the other's name.
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
I slowly opened my eyes, my mind very groggy. I was on a bed. A very soft bed. One with white sheets.
Suddenly startled, I shot out of the bed and got into a defensive stance on the floor. The room was semi-circularish and mostly everything was white. One far end of the room led out into a huge balcony with a beautiful view. God, I feel like a friggin realtor.
I slowly got up from the floor and started to look around the room. Next to the bed was a dresser, which I gingerly opened before haphazardly throwing its contents around the room. Dresses, dresses, dresses, and-oh look-more dresses. All quite pretty, and, more likely than not, very expensive.
Moving past the dresser and the new pile of poorly treated haute couture, I started looking through what appeared to be a little vanity. Only, instead of lots of make-up, there was a mountain of hair-products, a wide assortment of brushes, and a small vat of anti-aging cream (the secret beauty-product of the elves!). I picked up some of the hair products, but noted that most of them had only elfy-language (whatever you call it) written on them. One of them was written in English (COINCIDENTALLY the language of most people on Middle Earth), but put it down when I noticed that it said "Tested on Hobbits" in extremely fine print. Despite the language barrier, I was very tempted to try some of them; until I remembered that I had broken out into huge hives the last time I tried them.
I took a quick glance at my reflection, noting that I had acquired a bump on my head roughly the size of a baseball, then moved on to the rest of the room.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Legolas's POV (gasp)
That stupid bitch.
I swear, after all I've been through, worrying about what might have happened to her, the first thing she does when she sees me is an attempt on my life.
After all I'd been through. . .
Shaking my head, I briskly walked to where her room was. My head wasn't throbbing as much as before; the pain had gone down to that of my head being cracked open with a baseball bat.
She'd better tell me what the bloody hell is going on.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Back to Kitty's POV
With a sigh of some kind of emotion that I can't really describe, I flopped back onto the huge bed, the sheets cinematically floating down around me.
No doubt about it, this is definitely my room, and, no doubt about it, this is not some weird drug-induced hallucination.
It's kind of weird, how the elves somehow had a room with clothes that fit me perfectly and a whole mess of other stuff just waiting for me. One would half expect a sign outside that says "Welcome to Rivendell-Eternal Vacancy w/ rooms almost freakishly customized for YOUR personal needs at all conceivable times!"
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
The elves at Rivendell gave Katherine an amazing room that was fully furnished and had a great view of the waterfall. They also gave her an entire wardrobe of beautifully embroidered and ridiculously expensive dresses that miraculously fit her perfectly. All of this hospitality for a complete and utter stranger, a human no less. Not even just a human, but a human with a VAGINA! You see, Middle Earth wasn't exactly well known for its hospitality and equality between the sexes. This was due to the fact that there were always weird little buggers scurrying around, and that they were so far back in time that their idea of a toilet was a hole in the ground. Still, she was with Legolas, so they (being everyone) didn't exactly have much room to protest. Even Middle Earth gives recognition to celebrity.
"Woah, this place is so weird!" thought Katherine as she followed the lady with pointy ears (apparently a maid) to her room.
"Maybe the very fabric of reality was ripped to shreds, making it so that I was pulled into an alternate dimension where a group of furry footed midgets joined by more freaks must band together and destroy a ring which is the only way to kill an evil being whose only goal in life is to take over this world! ! !" she thought in one extremely long run-on sentence.
But then, such things only happen in books, movies, and really stupid fanfiction written by insanely horny preteens, so she shrugged it off and kept on following the pointy eared pretty lady.
Alayanarwieniananana, the "pointy eared pretty lady", was wondering why Legolas (who was a PRINCE for the Valar's sake) would go around picking up dirty little human girls wandering around the woods. Especially ones who go around dressed like men. (i.e. pants). And so Katherine silently followed Alayanarwieniananana, the former wondering where "Leggy-Lasso's" room was, and the latter going on and on over Katherine's flaws in her mind. In fact, she would not be the last. Katherine's very presence and the circumstances surrounding it were more likely than not to ignite criticism, skepticism, intense jealousy, and death threats. Partially from random members in the elf community, but mostly from angry preteen elf girls.
*
*
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
*
*
Bored from the obvious lack of entertainment in my room (i.e. no TV), I got up and tried to open the door but found it locked. Those damn paranoid elves had locked me in! I tried to open the door via jimmying the lock then by hitting it with a chair, but the damn thing wouldn't freaking open! Annoyed, I looked around the room for some other blunt object that I could hit the door with.
That's when the previously mentioned "beautiful view" sparked an idea in my brain.
*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*
Legolas's POV (again, that sexy bitch)
Taking the key from the long chain that hung around my neck (apparently the Rivendell elves thought that it would be best if I acted as prison warden for my significant other), I unlocked the door to her room and barely opened it.
Taking a careful peek through very small opening, I looked inside to find it very empty.
I cautiously went inside wondering if it was a trick, and noticed that a makeshift rope had been tied to one of the bed's posts.
Following the rope from the bed to the balcony, I peered over the balcony's railing and saw, to my utter annoyance, Katherine going into one of the buildings. Apparently the elves that had locked her in her room had forgotten that there was a rather huge escape route that was left unattended, and that anyone with an intelligence level higher than that of Lembas could easily escape.
Perhaps I should have stayed in Mirkwood after all.
*
To be continued.
