Chapter 4
The Professor was scheduled to replace Wolverine on guard duty at some ungodly hour of the morning. As soon as he woke from his sleep, he knew something was wrong. Upon reaching sick bay, the first thing he noticed was that there was no sign of Wolverine; the room was empty except for Jubilee. He made his way over to the girl and mentally scanned her. She was fine-well, as fine as she had been in the last few days. Her eyes were closed; her brain was doing its form of sleeping now.
Next the Professor checked the ship's monitors. All ship functions were normal; the ship continued to head away from the planet at a slow, steady speed. No other vessel was following them.
Before his eyes turned to the monitor of the FOH members' cell, Xavier knew what he would see. The cell was completely empty. He used his mind to scan the ship. There were now only 11 living beings on board: all X-men.
So the team had completed the executions last night. The Professor had gone to bed early when the exact fate of the soldiers was unknown. Despite the fact that he disagreed with executing the soldiers, he did feel a sense of relief that they were no longer on board the ship.
As the day wore on, the fate of the FOH soldiers became very clear. After not too long, Jean and Cyclops entered sick bay for their breakfast when Jean sensed what the Professor had.
"Oh thank goodness," Jean said quietly as she exchanged a look with the Professor.
"What is it?" Cyclops asked, looking between Jean and Xavier.
"I sense that the FOH members are no longer on this ship," Jean said.
The Professor immediately was alarmed when he saw and felt Cyclops' confusion. "What do you mean? When I went to bed last night, we hadn't….executed any of them," Cyclops said.
"You didn't?" Jean asked. "But they are not on board this ship anymore. I'm certain of it."
"I am certain too," the Professor said.
"Something is wrong then," Cyclops said. He filled in Jean and the Professor on the argument the group had had last night when trying to decide how to execute the soldiers. "A lot of harsh words were exchanged," he admitted. "But when we left the conference room, all six of us had agreed that we would hold off on it until we could decide what method to use."
Eventually, other X-men filtered in for breakfast. First Beast, then Colossus, then Storm, and then Bobby. Colossus and Storm were both shocked that the soldiers were dead, as their memories of the decision the night before were in synch with Cyclops's. Gradually, what had happened was looking more and more clear.
"What do we do?" Jean asked.
"I will talk with Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit today," the Professor said quietly. The trio still had not shown up for breakfast, which was not at all unusual. Even back at the mansion they had been the night owls.
Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit had each slept very late that day, not rising till most of the rest of the X-men were ready for lunch. When confronted separately by the Professor, each admitted what they had done. Each, however, spared the Professor the details though Xavier's mind had picked up on some of the emotions they had felt, flashed of vindication and exhilaration.
After speaking with Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit, the Professor also spoke with the other X-men in small groups to fill them in on what happened. He found Beast and Iceman on the bridge together, teaching themselves more about the ship's functions.
The Professor finished telling us what Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit had owned up to. "So that is what happened. It disturbs me greatly to see X-men killing….and not showing a great deal of remorse for it either. And yet…." his voice trailed off.
"And yet," Hank said, "you can understand why they did it."
"I can, but I wonder if I am being too soft on them. They disobeyed a direct order. The group that met last evening clearly said they would wait more before deciding what to do with the soldiers. Part of me wants to discipline them for this, and yet part of me empathizes with them."
"You know, Professor," I began, "I guess I kinda don't think you're being too soft on them. Like, when we were all held captive, it was horrible. We were pushed beyond the limit and we gotta take that into consideration. This was the worst thing the X-men have ever been through. So I think you could say they were really acting under duress."
"I think Bobby has a point," Hank said. "We know that Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit aren't murderers. It is not as though they will take off from here and start roaming the galaxy killing innocent people. I think that all of them were and are under extreme emotional stress."
"When I think of what was done to the women," I said, "and also what we experienced-though it was nowhere near as bad- …..what the three of them did seems almost logical."
The Professor nodded. "I think so too. But still it worries me that I am being too accepting of this act. Yet punishing them for this seems wrong to me as well." He paused and took a breath. "It may be that there are no easy answers. Bobby, I think this harkens back to something you said to me after one of the first meetings we had as X-men on board this ship. You said to me that we need to deal with what happened on board this ship, the torture we suffered as a team. I see now more and more that you were right."
"I am especially concerned about Rogue's emotional state," Hank said.
"And Jubilee," I piped up. "Her eyes still focus on people when they spend time with her, but she won't say anything or even move otherwise. And Professor, I know you told me after that meeting to come up with some ideas on how to address this, but I keep coming up blank. I just don't have any experience with this."
The Professor nodded. "I am not sure what to do either. Many, many years ago, I worked with torture victims. I used my powers to help them recover." He paused. "If I wanted to, I could flood the group with positive feelings and elevate their mood that way. But over the years, I have learned that is wrong to do. It can make a person feel better but it doesn't deal with the underlying problem. And that is the root. We need to deal with what happened on this ship."
"You know what part of the problem is," I began. I decided to just go out on a limb and say what was on my mind. "This is such a touchy subject to deal with. I mean we're talking about half our team members getting gang raped. It's horrifying. I think none of us know how to, but as a group we * have* to deal with it. Otherwise I think people's psyches might keep getting worse."
"The three of us don't know what to do," Hank summarized, "but I bet Storm could help us with this. She might have some ideas on how we can heal as a team. I think she would be open to talking about it with us."
"That is a great idea, Beast," the Professor said. "I will talk to her."
He moved his wheelchair and headed towards the door, but before he left the bridge, he turned around and addressed me. "Bobby," he began, "speaking of healing as a team….there is something else that has not been addressed. During our last day as captives, the soldiers singled you out and verbally attacked you in front of the team because they had a problem with your sexuality. Do we need to talk about this as a team as well?"
I'm sure the Professor felt my shock that he brought this up, as well as my nervousness. "Um….well, gosh I'm not sure how to even….um, address this. I mean, none of the X-men have said anything bad to me about my being gay," (I can't believe I said that so calmly in front of the Professor!), "or anything like that."
"I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Why don't you think about it?"
"Sure," I said. The Professor left the bridge.
I turned to Hank. "That so totally took me by surprise," I said. "God, it's hard talking with someone who knows what you're feeling."
Hank smiled. "Bobby, don't be intimidated by the Professor. You know he sincerely cares about you and that's why he brought that up in the first place. I don't think he actively probes people's minds to sense their emotional states unless he has a good reason to do so. So," Hank paused, "what did you think of what he said?"
I told Hank that I wasn't totally comfortable with the idea of discussing it with the group. I just feel that compared to what he women went through, it was no big deal. I did appreciate that the Professor even brought it up with me at all.
The Professor found Storm in sick bay, serving on guard duty. She sat next to Jubilee, stroking the girl's arm and talking to her.
"Jubilee seems to be doing better," Storm said when she saw Xavier enter the room. "I've seen her eyes follow me. How is she, mentally?"
"I sense she is about the same as yesterday," the Professor said. "I am going to discuss her condition with Jean today. The more I think about it, I am becoming more and more certain that we should intervene soon. It won't do her any harm and I do not think that waiting any longer is helping."
"She's been through a lot," Storm said, turning her gaze back to Jubilee's face. "I'm sure any help you give her would be wonderful." She held Jubilee's hand and gave it a little squeeze.
The Professor took a breath. "Storm, speaking of what Jubilee has been through," he paused, "I have a concern that I would like to share with you as one of the team leaders."
"What is it, Professor?" Storm asked quietly. She had a feeling as to what was coming.
"I think that the team needs to deal with all we have been through in the last several days. Think of all the traumatic events that have occurred-the mansion and Institute were destroyed, we were overwhelmed and captured, now we are in exile from our planet. And especially we need to deal with the assaults that you and the other women experienced on this ship."
Storm continued to look at Jubilee not wanting to meet the Professor's eyes. It wasn't logical but she felt embarrassment. "Indeed we have been through a lot. It is hard for me to believe that the mansion is destroyed and it could be years before we return to earth….if we can return at all."
"There is a lot that will be hard to accept. But Storm, I think that if we as a team do not deal with it, we will see more behavior such like that displayed by Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit. They disobeyed orders and acted out their rage. I think they have no idea how to deal with what occurred while we were held captive. I think what is most damaging to the X-men's psyches are the sexual assaults that you and the other women endured."
Storm turned to the Professor and finally looked at him. "I think you are right, Professor." She took a deep breath. "Part of me wants to forget this nightmare ever happened. I wish I could just put it behind me, but I know it doesn't work that way. We do need to deal with it."
"Storm, do you have any ideas on how to do that?"
"I was hoping you would, Professor," she said. "I don't know how to broach this topic with the group."
"Could you try to think of a few ways? Give it some time and turn over some ideas in your head, and I will do the same."
"That sounds reasonable. Perhaps I can try to research it on that computer." She paused and turned back to Jubilee. "I do have one idea off the top of my head, though."
"What is it?" the Professor asked, his spirits raised at her words.
"It might be helpful if just Rogue, Jean, Jubilee and I got together at first to talk about it. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes to me."
"That sounds wonderful."
"Of course we need Jubilee to recover her mind. The sooner, the better I say."
"I agree, Storm."
"Bobby, can you come to sick bay, please?" Jean Grey's voice sounded over my communicator.
"I'll be there right away," I gratefully replied. I'd been working in the gym with Colossus, Rogue, and Wolverine ….we X-men converted part of it to a small, less sophisticated version of the Danger room. Since I'd been getting my butt kicked by the more experienced X-men, I was more than happy to take my leave of my teammates.
Thoughts ran through my head as I made my way down the hall, up the elevator and down another long hallway. I knew that Jean and the Professor had said they were going to try to reach Jubilee today. Surely they succeeded and everything was well. But Jean's voice had sounded a bit…..worried.
To take my mind off worrying about Jubilee, my mind replayed the last couple hours I'd spent training with Colossus, Rogue and Wolverine. I hadn't been *bad.* And going into it they acknowledged that they had had years more experience with this than I. Wolverine paid me a compliment on a move I'd made during the training. When we had stopped to take a rest break, I couldn't get my water bottle open. Wolverine saw me struggling, took it from my hands, opened it for me, and handed it back to me. I wonder if he can smell that I'm attracted to him. I don't know how that works and how much he can detect about things from scents. I've gone for too long without a lover and it sure doesn't look likely that there's going to be anyone available to me anytime soon.
When the door to sick bay slid open, I was delighted to see Jubilee sitting up. She blinked her eyes and looked in my direction. The Professor and Jean were standing near her.
"Here he is," Jean said softly to Jubilee. Jean's voice was a little funny….almost as if she were talking to a child.
I approached the bed. "Jubilee asked for you," the Professor said to me, smiling.
"Hi sweetie," I said. I reached for one of her hands and held it. Jubilee turned her head and held my gaze. Her face wasn't the blank stare it had been for days but….she didn't have much of an expression on it either. On impulse, I reached for her hand, brought it to my lips and kissed it.
"Hi Bobby," Jubilee said, in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
The Professor and Jean later filled me in on what happened. They had gone into Jubilee's mind and gave her a little nudge to get her consciousness out of the metaphorical safebox it had been stored in. She was alert now though mentally very tired.
I remained with her until dinner time. The Professor spoke into my mind (* that* was cool!) and gently reminded me to not discuss anything grave or serious with her, and just keep the conversation light. I was good at that. Jubilee listened to me talk and gave one- or two-word answers to things I asked. She seemed to like the hand holding physical contact, so I maintained it. She didn't smile at all though.
Wolverine entered sick bay not long after I did. "I heard the kid's better," he said to Jean and I. He slowly approached the bed.
"Hi Jubilee," he said quietly once he got near her, "it's good to see you sitting up. How are you, kid?" (Poor Jubilee, I mused. She'll probably be called "kid" by the X-men until she's 45.)
Jubilee turned her head away from Wolverine and looked at Jean. She didn't respond to Wolverine.
Jean looked a bit confused for a second but then turned to Wolverine. "Logan, no offense but could you leave us now?" she asked softly. She didn't say anything else but I wonder if she spoke into his mind because it seems that something was exchanged between the two of them.
Wolverine nodded and turned away, looking hurt. He left sick bay.
Throughout the rest of the day, everyone visited Jubilee. She responded favorably to Storm, Rogue, Hank, Jean, the Professor and I. When Cyclops, Colossus, or Gambit attempted to approach her, she turned away and refused to respond-as she had with Wolverine. Slowly I figured it out. She didn't want to react to or deal with anyone who had sex with women. It made sense to me.
Since I sat with her all day and through dinner, I got to observe Jubilee with those that she did allow near her. Storm and Jean were excellent-both acted motherly. Hank was exquisitely gentle. Jubilee responded well to him and I mused that Hank is an awesome doctor. Rogue looked a bit more like her old self-the look in her eyes was a little bit more like the Rogue I knew. She was upbeat and even perky with Jubilee.
This sounds really corny but I really liked that we X-men had dinner together every night. My biological family never did that. I think each and every last one of us appreciated that the 11 of us were already each other's family. I sat next to Jubilee, who wanted to remain sitting on the bed. She fed herself during dinner though she chewed slowly and mechanically, and told me she was finished after eating less than half of her portions. Everyone spoke quietly during dinner and no one broached any delicate topics (such as the killing of the FOH members last night.)
After dinner, the group filtered away for their evening activities. After ensuring that I was more than willing to stay with Jubilee, Jean left sick bay to work with Cyclops on learning the ship functions. Hank returned to his research on the collars. Storm retired to her room, probably to meditate. Rogue, Colossus, Gambit, and Wolverine headed for their favorite place-the gym.
"Bobby, do you want me to check in on you two?" the Professor asked.
"I think we'll be fine," I said.
The Professor spoke into my mind again. This was such a cool sensation. It starts off being a tad unsettling, as if someone poked you and you weren't expecting it. But then….it's awesome, almost like you're making a unique connection with someone.
/Bobby, you've been with Jubilee since early afternoon. Are you feeling that you need a break?/
All I had to do was * think* my reply. This was so neat. /Really, I'm not tired at all./
/Okay. But I do not want Jubilee to be left alone at night. Now that she is mentally awake and the FOH guards are gone, we don't need to have anyone on guard duty anymore./ I remembered during dinner it had been discussed that alerts were set up so that if another ship approached or some problem occurred with life support, alarms would be set off to wake us.
/I'll offer to stay with her at night, if she wants. And if she wants someone else, we'll find them and get whoever she does want./
/Wonderful. Thank you, Bobby for everything you're doing./
I really didn't mind staying with her, not in the least. Seeing her make this progress, even if it had been induced by the Professor and Jean, was comforting. Jubilee and I sat together and we talked about nothing for a while longer. She said only a monosyllable at a time, but it was something. At least she maintained eye contact and looked completely alert.
"Do you want to take a walk around the ship?" I asked. "Hank said he thinks it might be good if you get up and move a little."
At first she shook her head no. I did bring it up once more later, and she quietly said, "Okay."
Jubilee and I walked together arm in arm. She walked very slowly and leaned on me quite a bit, but at least she was up and around. I knew which areas of the ship to avoid and which were unlikely to bring back bad memories. We visited Scott and Jean on the bridge and I showed her the ship's massive supply room. We peeked in on the gym.
When it was bedtime, I asked her if she wanted her own room or if she wanted to stay in sickbay or what. She didn't answer, which wasn't unusual; she didn't respond to everything you said to her.
"Do you want to see my room?" I asked. "You can have one that looks just like it."
"Okay," she said, and we headed for our quarters. As we walked down the hall, I worried that the crew quarters could possibly bring up bad memories for her. Where did the assaults against the women take place? It had never been discussed with me. I assumed it took place in the big room we found Rogue, Storm and Jean in but who knew? Did crew members take them back to their quarters at times too? I didn't know and my heart sped up as we reached my room. What if I was doing the wrong thing?
The door slid aside. I looked at Jubilee and didn't see any reaction on her face. Hopefully it was a good sign. She walked around the small room, looked at the chair, nightstand, closet, and bathroom. She then touched the bed. "Soft," she said.
"Yes!" I said. "Better than that bed in sick bay, I bet."
Jubilee made herself right at home and lay down on the bed. "So…does that mean you're sleeping here?" I asked.
She didn't reply but remained laying down. I told Jubilee what I planned, and then went off to get a cot from the supply room. Via the communicator I told the Professor and Hank where Jubilee apparently was spending the night. She was asleep before I was done talking to Hank. The cot was a bit uncomfortable but I had slept on worse.
"Well, I've learned more tonight that I ever wanted to about warp drive and dilithium crystals," Jean said to her husband. They had been working on the bridge for the last few hours, trying to master as much as they could about basic ship functions. They learned that the starship was powered by dilithium crystals.
"We've done enough for one day," Scott agreed. "I don't think I can absorb anymore yet."
"It's almost bedtime anyway," Jean said.
The couple held hands as they returned to their room. As she had done every night since the X-men had gained control of the ship, Jean entered the bathroom and started running bath water. Jean showered every morning and took a bath every evening now. Scott wasn't sure what to think about this. He thought she was recovering remarkably well considering everything and if she liked to take baths now, that wasn't exactly the worst thing in the world. He had found several bottles of lotion in the ship's supply room, which came in handy as Jean's skin was getting dry.
Meanwhile, Scott undressed and sat on the bed. He found himself missing his book collection as reading before bed had a cherished evening ritual for him. The FOH did have a library on their ship but Scott knew not to get anywhere near it. He reminded himself to get on the computer tomorrow and see if there was anything he could download and print.
Jean emerged from her bath, her skin pink and warm. Even dressed in gray sweatpants that were several sizes too large and a baggy white T-shirt she still looked stunningly beautiful.
/Why thank you, Slim/
/You'd be gorgeous in a potato sack, Jeanie/
She sat on the bed next to him. "We gotta find some decent books," Jean said. She shared his evening reading habit.
"Maybe we can stop at Barnes and Noble sometime," Scott quipped.
Jean smiled. There was a silence for a moment before she asked, "You know, we haven't talked about what we found out happened last night…..with the FOH guards. How do you feel about it?"
Scott was quiet for a few seconds. "I'm angry at Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit for disobeying orders. That was wrong of them." He paused, "But at the same time I am very glad that those FOH are off this ship."
"Me too. I am very relieved. It almost scares me how good I feel that they are gone."
"I'm glad you feel relieved, Jean."
"I don't feel at all any sorrow that their lives are over. Sometimes I wonder if I should."
"I don't feel any sorrow, either," Scott said. "It is only fair that their lives end. It doesn't mean that we're becoming cold by not mourning them." Scott felt something else too. A twinge of gladness that the blood wasn't on his hands. He agreed with their execution but was glad that he had not been the one to carry it out.
/I understand. I feel the same way too./ "And," Jean said, "I understand the rage that led Rogue and the others to do what they did."
"Do you?" Scott asked, looking intently into her beautiful eyes. "I am a little surprised that you aren't showing…anger over what happened."
Jean shrugged. "I'm not there mentally, yet. I might get to that stage sometime. But right now I am just feeling glad that I am alive and you're alive and we're with our….extended family."
"I feel that too. Jean, you continue to surprise me every day. You're so calm and serene. You're amazing. You have the strongest mind of anyone I know. You even seem…happy."
"I am happy. I have you," she said simply. She extended her arms. "Hold me, Scott."
They settled into a comfortable position, laying down together. The warmth of feeling the other's body against their own felt delicious to both of them. Jean's heart flooded with feelings of love, which she transmitted to Scott. She kissed the stubble of his cheek. Time passed. They continued to kiss and cuddle, just reveling in the sensations. They murmured words of love to each other. Occasionally they shifted positions but mostly they just enjoyed the full body contact. Jean almost felt as if she were floating on a cloud, she was so content. Her mind at peace, she savored the warmth and occasionally reached for and kissed Scott. Their lips would caress each other's for many long moments, and then they would go back to just breathing side by side and touching.
Jean's feelings of contentment were interrupted when she detected a negative feeling from her soulmate. Shame. He felt ashamed about something. She delicately probed his mind a bit more. Oh that. He was ashamed because he had an erection.
/Don't ever feel ashamed of that./ she said to his mind.
/I know I shouldn't be ashamed. But what is my body doing? I didn't want this to happen./
/You can't control that. Even someone as controlled as you can't help that. It's a natural reaction./
His mind was silent for a moment but Jean caught the flavor of where his thoughts were going. /Jeanie, do you want me to go down on you? We wouldn't have to do anything else tonight unless you want to, but I really want to make you feel good./ He knew that she enjoyed this.
/ I'm not ready to be sexual yet. Someday I will be, but not now./
/I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured./
/You didn't. Don't worry about it./
Jean settled into a comfortable sleeping position. The feelings of contentment returned to her. She mused that there was nothing like knowing your lover's mind. You never had to second-guess or stumble over words when you communicated like that. There was only the purity of reading raw thoughts.
The next day, we had a group meeting during lunch. Even though Jubilee was no longer staying in sick bay, I guess habits die hard. We had our table and food replicator set up in there, as well as all the monitors that kept track of ship functions. Hank's lab was in full swing; he analyzed the collars as well as some of the other weaponry the FOH used. The infirmary just made a better meeting room than anywhere else on the ship.
I had spent the morning with Jubilee. She was pretty much the same as yesterday: quiet but completely alert. Storm found Jubilee and I walking around the halls of the ship and she offered to spend some time with Jubilee. The young woman liked that idea so off they went. I met up with Hank and offered to help him with his research. He enjoyed elaborating on what he had learned.
By lunchtime, the 11 of us were assembled for our meeting. We were passing around food, eating, and talking casually before the Professor indicated that he had serious things to discuss.
"Our outlaw status is confirmed," the Professor said. "We've been watching news reports and all of our names and faces have been shown on the news as being threats to society."
"Thanks to that doctored up news footage they ran of the attack on us at the mansion," Cyclops said.
"The government issued a warning that if anyone sees us or has information on our whereabouts, they should contact the authorities right away," the Professor said.
"I worry about our families," Hank said, glumly. I knew he wasn't all that close to his, but he was one of the few who both had living family members and was in contact with them.
Colossus must've been thinking along the same lines as I was because he asked, "Does anyone here have living family members?"
Most people shook their heads. Hank said that he had parents and an uncle. I said quietly that my immediate family was all alive but I hadn't had contact with them for years.
Jean was the only one who had family that she was close to. She said she had parents, a sister, and a niece and nephew. "I can sense that they are alive and in no harm," she said. "But I can't read their minds or know the details of their daily lives. I wish I had someway to let them know that I'm alright. But I understand that it's too dangerous to try to communicate with them."
"I'm afraid I have more bad news," Hank said after a pause. "The Mutant Sterilization Act has passed both sides of Congress. It goes to the President tomorrow and he said he will sign it."
Those of us sitting at the table exchanged sad and angry looks with each other. Rogue clenched her fist and slammed it down on the table. "How dare those bastards do this! Can you imagine? Mutants being rounded up and forced to have their insides removed! Goddamn them."
"What the hell did we ever do to deserve dis," Gambit muttered. "Treating us all like we all some criminals when we the victims."
"My heart really goes out to all the mutants left on earth. With our institute gone and FOH going strong, I wonder what their future will be like," Jean said quietly.
Storm spoke, "I have fantasies of us taking this ship and offering those mutants who want it, a chance to escape." Cyclops and the Professor shot her looks and she added, "I know that we cannot do this anytime soon. But this is my fantasy for the future someday."
"My dream hasn't changed over the years," the Professor said quietly. "I want mutants and non-mutants to be able to live together on earth in peace."
He looked down at his plate. I think maybe finally the events of the last several days were sinking in for him. He is someone who always tries to think positively and have hope…but the cause of mutants on earth now had never looked more grim. Our hides were saved, but thinking about our brothers and sisters back home…
"Professor, something you said the other day really inspired me,' Jean said. "We're still alive and together. As bad as everything else around us may be, at least we have this."
"She's right," Wolverine said. "We came so close to getting killed but we survived."
"Thanks to Bobby," Rogue added and smiled at me. Wow. There was something in her voice….admiration? That couldn't be right; why would she admire me? But her tone definitely made it clear she thought I did a great thing. Most of the others nodded or seconded her praise, and I blushed.
"Hey, I only did what any of you would've done had they removed your collars too," I said. I was, though, flattered at their commendation. I sensed that they had to have known what I said was true but their praise was a way of trying to make sure I felt like I fit in.
"So," Cyclops began, getting back to business, "any thoughts on where to go from here? We're currently on a course away from earth, our ship is still cloaked. We know that there are two other FOH ships sent to investigate but neither ship is near and they can't detect us while we're cloaked. Do we continue on this course?"
"I don't see any reason to deviate at this point," the Professor said.
"I agree," Storm said. "The only thing we might want to keep in mind is that it couldn't hurt to eventually investigate other planets for food and for dilithium. We have enough to last us a long time, but we will need to search for other sources."
"Especially since it looks like it could be more than two years before we return to earth," Cyclops said. "Let's begin tracking when we near a planet and then using our sensors to detect whether there's anything on the surface we could use."
"I wonder if there's anything on this ship that we can use to grow food," I said. "Has anyone checked the supply room to see if they have any, like gardening supplies and seeds?" No one had. The Professor suggested that be my task, which I was happy to agree to.
Hank did remind us that if we continued on the course we were on, soon we would be out of range for picking up news reports from earth. We agreed that we could always turn around and get closer to earth periodically for updates. We're blessed by this ship-in addition to all of its other amenities, it is capable of travelling extremely fast.
After the meeting, Cyclops, Jean, and Colossus were heading to the engine room to learn more about how it functioned. They invited me along and I gladly went with.
Rogue left the meeting, looking forward to spending more time in the gym. She knew she hadn't been doing as Cyclops had directed at the last meeting; she had not been making the effort to learn the ship functions. Most of the other X-men devoted at least a few hours every day to this. Rogue just couldn't get into it and her mind wouldn't concentrate on it. But a few hours in the new danger room in the gym….that had a way of working wonders on her mind.
As Rogue made her way to the elevator that would take her to the gym, she heard Gambit call her name. She stopped in her tracks and turned around.
"Rogue," Gambit said again, walking up to her though maintaining a distance. He had been encouraged by the fact that she stopped and turned, though as he got closer he noted that her facial expression was not exactly inviting. "Chere, you want to work out together in the gym and have a talk?"
"I'll work out with you, but I got no particular desire to talk to you," she said flatly.
"Rogue…Gambit loves you," he said, trying to keep the anguish he felt out of his voice. "Tell me what Gambit can do to make you feel better."
"You already did it. You and Wolverine helped me with the guards."
"Gambit was glad to help with dat. But can't I do something more to help you?"
Rogue looked down for a second before looking back at Gambit's eyes. "Yeah, you can. It's best if you leave me alone."
Her tone was so cold. The past day or so she had looked more like the old Rogue he knew, but not now.
"Is dat what you really want, love? You really want nothing more to do with me?" He took a deep breath. "I know dat you love me, chere."
"You don't know shit, Gambit."
Inwardly he flinched again. "Can we talk about dis like adults? Before dis mess started, when we live back at the mansion, you tell me dat you more in love den you ever been an-"
"I was!" the roared back at him. "But that was before this! You pushed me away that night we spent in the cell together! My first time could have been with you. Instead…." her voice cut off. She tried again, "Instead-" she couldn't bring herself to describe the auction. When she, Wolverine and Gambit had been arguing with Cyclops, Storm and Colossus over how to dispose of the soldiers, she had shared many of the horrific things the guards had done to her. She hadn't been able to bring herself to mention the auction then, though she didn't know that the FOH leader had already bragged about it to the X-men during their imprisonment.
"What you mean by first time? What was all dat stuff we did together for the past 4 years? It don't count?"
"You know what the fuck I mean! It's not the same. It's just not the same thing!"
"Okay," Gambit said, not wanting to argue on this one. He dropped to one knee. "Den Gambit an idiot. Gambit made stupid decision. Rogue, I'm sorry."
Rogue was silent for a minute. What to say? What to think? Now he was apologizing for not agreeing to have sex with her that night. The more she thought about it, the more that didn't sit right with her. He had as much right to turn down sex as she had. What happened wasn't his fault.
Damnit she didn't want to think of all these things. She didn't want to deal with it or with those feelings he brought out in her. But she also didn't want to hurt him anymore. "Gambit….sugar, I need time to be alone. Would you leave me alone for a while. Please?"
Gambit got up from the knee he had dropped to. "Okay. Alright. If you change your mind, you know where I'll be."
He tuned around and walked back down the hallway. Rogue, needing to clear her mind, couldn't wait to get to the gym. She worked out for a while before entering the makeshift Danger room area. She felt better after battling the animated enemies. Her abilities were as powerful as ever-her strength, capability to fly and to defeat an enemy by touching them with her bare skin rendered her an opponent to be reckoned with. She got such a rush from using her powers and beating the synthesized enemies that the time flew by.
When Rogue finally needed a rest, she opened a bottle of water and sat on the benches at the side of the gym. Storm entered the large room.
"Hi, Rogue," she called, walking over to her.
"Hey, Storm!" Rogue said. "I just had a * great* workout."
"You do look quite exhilarated," Storm said, smiling. She sat on the bench next to her friend.
"Damn it feels good to kick some butt. Hey, Storm if you give me some time to rest, I'd love to play against you."
"I accept that challenge, Rogue."
Rogue put the water bottle to her lips and drank several swallows. The cold liquid felt refreshing to her warm body, her senses felt so alive. When her thirst was quenched, she put the bottle down and looked at Storm.
"Rogue," Storm began, her voice a bit cautious "would be interested in….participating in something with me?"
Rogue got a questioning look on her face. "What do you mean, Storm?"
"I feel that there is a great need for us to experience a…a healing ceremony, so to speak. I mean the four of us: Jean, Jubilee and us."
"A healing ceremony?"
"Yes. A sort of cleansing for us, to help us move on from what we experienced on board this ship."
Rogue sighed. "A ceremony," she repeated.
"We can call it whatever we want," Storm said. "But now that Jubilee is….getting better, I think the time is right for us to discuss this. To deal with what happened."
"I just wanna forget about it," Rogue said, crossing her arms and leaning forward.
"So do I," Storm said. "But there are some things that you cannot simply forget about and move on. You need to deal with it before you can go on."
Rogue continued to frown and didn't look at Storm. Storm continued what she was saying, "Look, you remember that fight and falling out you and Nightcrawler had a few years ago? Remember that you wanted to ignore your fight, pretend it never happened and just move on? It didn't work that way, the two of you needed to sit down and talk through it. And in the end, weren't you glad you did so? It's the same way here." She paused. "Rogue, the four of us lived through a nightmare. It was horrible, and part of me doesn't want to talk about it or think about it any more than you do. But deep down you know as well as I do that it is not possible to pretend it never happened."
Rogue sighed. "I think I got my healing when I made them suffer," she said, as she smashed a fist against her other hand. "But you might be right, Storm. You might be right. But….but what do you have in mind here? I hate ceremonies, always have ever since my Daddy used to drag me to see the preacher when I was a kid."
Storm smiled, "What I have in mind won't be anything like that. It can take whatever shape we want. I have a few ideas. Now bear in mind that my religious upbringing was quite different than yours, so my idea of a ceremony is much different. But I think you will like it, since you clearly aren't fond of the tradition you were raised in."
"Did you talk to Jean about this?"
"Yes, and she likes the idea. She agrees that our minds could benefit from some healing."
"What about Jubilee?" Rogue asked.
"Jean and I spoke about it with her today. Jubilee's mind is still….slow. But after we finished explaining it to her, she nodded. Jean said she sensed that Jubilee does understand it and that this would be beneficial to her, even though she might not participate much."
Rogue pursed her lips and nodded. "I never been one for much sharing or doing touchy-feely type things. I'm not sure that I'm gonna be doing much participating either, Storm."
"That's ok. Like I said, we can make it whatever we want. If you want to roll your eyes and say you think this is stupid, you can do that too."
Rogue was quiet for a moment. "It would just be the four of us, right?"
"Definitely. I think someday there will be a point where the other X-men will need to heal too and help us heal, but certainly not right now."
Rogue considered Storm's idea. She also thought back to her last interaction with Gambit. Something he said kept replaying itself in her mind. Before they had been captured by the FOH, Rogue had told him that she was more in love than she had ever been. She had been telling the truth and the sensation had been….wonderful. Scary, but wonderful. Now those very thoughts were nothing but scary and Rogue wanted to be able to think of Gambit again without having to squelch unpleasant thoughts. Who knows? Maybe whatever Storm had in mind would help. "Alright," she said. "I'll give this a try. Sometimes the only way to get around a big mess is to walk right through it."
"Excellent. We were thinking of having it relatively soon, maybe even tonight after dinner. What do you think?"
Rogue shrugged. "Fine by me. And keep in mind that I might take you up on your offer to roll my eyes and say I think it's stupid, if I want to."
Storm smiled. "Suits me." She stood up. "Just let me know when you're rested, because I'm ready to work out."
Rogue stood up. Storm was encouraged to see the familiar glint in Rogue's eyes. "I'm ready now, sugar!"
Cyclops, Jean, and Wolverine sat on the ship's bridge. Despite the largeness of the ship, the bridge was placed at the front of the vessel with little fanfare. It was a small room, with four chairs and several control panels. The computer finished giving the trio a pre-programmed walk-through of the basic ship functions. After listening to it, the X-men were testing some of what they had learned about navigation and engineering controls.
"I never would have imagined that a starship could be so user-friendly," Jean said, after successfully learning how to change the ship's flight course.
"I'm sure the FOH needed to dumb it down a lot to be able to understand it," Wolverine said.
The three smiled at Wolverine's comment. Cyclops then cued up a basic walk-through of the ship's defense systems. They learned that the space craft was a very powerful one, with both phasers and photon torpedos available. The ship also had three shuttle crafts. The computer offered numerous simulated programs to use, to test someone's ability to use the defense systems. Each took a turn at the helm during a simulated battle, with the other two testing their command of the ship's weaponry.
"We rock!" Jean said, very enthused though a trickle of sweat ran down her face from the last simulated battle. The three X-men had performed superbly during the tests.
"All three of us really did an outstanding job," Cyclops said. "We make a good team."
"We don't wanna get too cocky, though," Wolverine muttered. "Who knows what it's really like during a battle?"
"If we keep this cloaking device on," Jean said, "we might never have to find out, since apparently we're invisible to any sensors." She paused. "Would you two excuse me for a minute?" she asked, and then left the bridge.
Cyclops and Wolverine sat in somewhat awkward silence for a bit. Finally Wolverine had to ask. "How is she doing? She seems alright."
"She is," Cyclops said. "She's…remarkably well, I think."
There was so much Wolverine wanted to know. But how do you broach it with a man who was not exactly your best friend in the world? And Wolverine didn't want to know just for the sake of knowing…..he still loved Jean, more than just about anyone else in his life. He accepted that she would never be his. But he wanted know how Jean was coping because thoughts of what she went through were keeping him awake at night.
"I think she appreciates what you said to her the other day, when you asked if there was anything you could do to help," Cyclops said. "She told me that everyone's caring for her made her feel better."
"That's good to hear," Wolverine said. He could smell that Scott and Jean had not yet had sex since the assaults took place. How Wolverine wanted to be the one to hold Jean and comfort her, to be the one to console her….and when the time was right, to tenderly make love to her. He would replace the horrors she had endured with far better memories.
Cyclops glanced at Wolverine. During the past few years, ever since Scott and Jean had married, the Canadian had pretty much ceased trying to win Jean over. Scott guessed that Wolverine still loved her, though. He knew he could always ask Jean if his assumption was correct, but the two of them no longer brought up the subject of Wolverine's feelings for Jean.
They had discussed the topic, of course, not long after Wolverine had joined the X-men and shared with Jean his feelings for her, so many years ago. It had been one of their worst periods of time as a couple, leading to weeks of bitter arguments. Since Scott and Jean had agreed on complete honesty (their psychic link pretty much demanded it), Jean had had no choice but to tell the truth when Scott had asked her if she was attracted to Wolverine.
It had not been easy for Scott to hear the answer to his question. Jean had reassured him numerous times that she loved * him*, not Wolverine…but that she couldn't help the fact that she felt some attraction towards the newest X-man. "Scott, listen," Jean had urged. "You remember when Psylocke was a member of our team, don't you? You admitted to me that you felt an attraction to her. I didn't like that at all, but I understood that one cannot control who they feel an attraction to. The part we can control is our actions. You didn't act on your attraction to Psylocke, and I won't act on this attraction to Wolverine."
Scott's mind had been won over by her logic, but his emotional side had been wounded. Why, of all the men on the team, did his girlfriend have to feel attracted to the one Scott liked the least? And deep down he sensed the truth: what Jean felt towards Wolverine was a bit more than an attraction. Maybe she loved him too. Not the way she loved Scott; not at all, but there was definitely more than an attraction there, and always had been .
`It's ancient history, now,' Scott reminded himself as he sat on the bridge. He no longer feared that Jean would succumb to her attraction to Wolverine and he appreciated that Wolverine kept his feelings for Jean to himself nowadays. He took another glance at his teammate and had to be impressed with the man's self-control. For many years Scott had hoped that a new woman would join the X-men, and she and Wolverine would fall head over heels for each other. But that didn't happen, and given the X-men's current condition, didn't appear too likely now either.
"Hank, you gotta come here!" I spoke into my communicator.
Hank's voice was steady as he replied to me, "It would help, my friend, if you told me where `here' is."
He and I laughed together. I liked to do things like that to see his reaction. "I'm in the supply room. Look at all this stuff!"
"It is hard for me to look when I cannot see what you're looking at, Bobby," he said patiently. "I'll be right there."
After a minute, the door to the huge room slid open. I was hunched over a large storage box as Hank approached. "Did you know they have a closet back here where they got even more stuff? I gotta hand it to these FOH guys. They might be complete assholes but they pack well. Look at this!"
I held it up and presented it to Hank. It was a program for a replicator device. "It can be used in a food replicator, but not to create food. Look, Hank. It's * clothing* patterns! We don't have to keep wearing the same drab khakis and T-shirts. We can re-create our costumes!"
Hank rolled his eyes. "You took me away from my research on the collars to show me this?" He asked.
"C'mon, Hank, admit this is really cool!"
"What do I care, I always wore the same things back at the mansion so why would I change now?" Hank said, smiling.
"Okay, if you don't care about my find, I'm sure someone else will. I can't wait to start replicating better clothes. I refuse to spend another day wearing this stuff. Oh, and guess what else I found? Packets of seeds!"
"Really?" Now he was impressed. "What sort of seeds?"
"Every veggie under the sun. Lettuce, peppers, carrots, spinach, broccoli, zucchini, sprouts, tomatoes, cauliflower, pumpkin, beans, radishes, squash. Damn those FOH people. Again, complete assholes but at least they understood the importance of a healthy diet."
"For themselves, apparently but not for their prisoners."
"Well, if we ever run out of power on this ship, we will at least be able to live on vegetable stew for a while. As soon as I begin growing all this."
"I must say that your enthusiasm is impressive, Bobby. Have you gardened before?"
"Oh, I never told you, did I? I had a patch at a community garden back in San Fran. I have a real green thumb."
"I never knew that. You didn't garden when you were with the X-men the first time around."
"I learned to both garden and cook. A tactic to try and help me find a boyfriend," I explained, "since so few men do this stuff."
Hank smiled. "Well, I'm sure you'll be a success in growing us some vegetables. And I believe that Jean also enjoys gardening. Perhaps you might want to work with her." He paused for a minute. "I don't know if Jubilee has tried it or not, but working on something like this might be restorative for her. Perhaps you can suggest it."
"I will. I can mention it to her tonight, if she plans on sleeping in my room again."
"She might not do so tonight. Storm told me that she and the other women plan to have a healing ceremony tonight."
"Really?" I asked ."That's great. Maybe Jubilee would prefer to sleep in Storm's room then. Which would be fine with me since my back doesn't like the idea of another night on the cot."
During dinner, Jubilee was quiet as usual but she did eat. It seemed to me that she ate a bit more than she had the previous day. I enthusiastically told the group of my discoveries earlier today in the storage room. Hank also told us a little about what he had learned about the collars and how they work. I have to say his discussion was a little too technical and I think mine was much more interesting.
After dinner, the women headed off together. Hank and the Professor decided to remain in the infirmary. Gambit asked me if I wanted to join the other guys in the gym. "If you guys want to do the Danger Room, I'll work out with you there, but I refuse to play sports!" I said firmly. Gambit smiled and gestured for me to follow him.
Rogue sat cross-legged on the floor of Storm's room, wondering what had possessed her to agree to this. Her nose wrinkled at the smell of the burning sage – Storm had used the food replicator to procure it and began burning it as soon as Jean, Jubilee and Rogue had seated themselves in a circle on the floor. "It's for purification," Storm explained. Rogue idly wondered if burning sage always had this stench or if it was because they were using the replicated version of the herb.
The room was lit only by four large, waxy, orange candles that Storm had found in the supply room. She finished lighting the fourth one and sat in the circle with her teammates. Shadows flickered on the walls.
Rogue looked at the group. Jubilee's eyes were downcast; she seemed to be staring at her ankles. Jean's face was placid; her gaze casually shifting from the candle to the sage to Storm. Storm looked business like as usual, her emotions under control as they always were. Rogue imagined that she, herself, looked as much like a fish out of water as she felt.
Storm took a look at her teammates and took a deep breath. "I might suggest that we take several deep breaths first," she said quietly. Rogue resisted the urge to make a face. She saw Jean and Jubilee taking Storm's suggestion and felt compelled to breathe deeply as well.
Storm closed her eyes, inhaled slowly and exhaled slowly. She then asked each woman to talk about why she was there and what she hoped to get from their ceremony. She also offered to speak first. "I hope that the four of us can come together and benefit from each other's strength and courage, and to help each other heal. We are all strong women and we can help each other and support each other in getting through what we experienced."
Storm was silent and then glanced at Rogue, who was sitting to her right. Rogue felt awkward as she had no idea what to say. "Um….what she said," Rogue quipped. Jean and Storm both laughed. Rogue indicated that she had nothing to add by looking at Jean who was seated to her right.
Jean gave a few thoughts that echoed Storm's words. She added, "I appreciate Storm for calling us together. And I think that maybe we should look at this as a first step, because healing is a process and not something that happens overnight."
All eyes turned to Jubilee. Jubilee looked up momentarily. She had been sitting cross-legged, hugging her arms to herself. She gave a slight shake of her head and looked back down towards the floor. Jean was not disappointed; she had not been expecting Jubilee to participate to any greater extent.
Jubilee herself wasn't sure whether agreeing to this was a good idea. She knew they were bound to discuss the attacks but Jubilee wanted those memories buried. Every time they pushed their way to the surface, it was painful. An image flashed across Jubilee's mind. The second solider to rape her wanted Jubilee to perform oral sex on him. Jubilee's body had been aching with intense pain from the first man's assault, and tears streamed down her face. She didn't know exactly how to do what the soldier wanted and she was too terrified and panicked to think. The man had grabbed her hair and yanked her head in Jean's direction. "Do what she's doing!" he had gruffly ordered. Jubilee had been shocked and even disgusted to see Jean at the other soldier's mercy and doing what he wanted. Jubilee had tried to stop crying long enough to obey the soldier.
She cut off that line of thought. She had to. Jubilee forced her mind to concentrate on the events that were taking place right then and now. She hoped she could mentally survive if the other women began sharing memories of the assaults.
The four women spent the next hour talking with each other. Storm kept the mood as informal as possible, making sure her teammates knew that their ceremony did not need to follow any prescribed set of rules. Storm rather liked being the one to facilitate, though. It allowed her to participate while listening and offering gentle guidance, thus giving her a sense of distance from the frightful events. None of the women talked directly about the assaults or recounted the events of what happened while they were held captive. Instead they talked more about how the brutalization made them feel.
"I feel like my humanity was attacked," Jean said. "I feel like I was robbed of something."
Once Rogue got to talking, she was hard pressed to stop. "I feel like I am so angry that I'll never not be angry! I gotta wake up every mornin feeling disgusted and madder `an hell. Killing those bastards helped me, like it took the edge off my anger. But I'm still pissed."
Jubilee didn't talk at all, though listening to her teammates had not been painful as she had feared. They mostly talked about how they felt right then and there, and it made Jubilee feel better to know their emotions mirrored hers. When the conversation seemed to be dying down, she spoke very quietly. "Thank you all for this. I feel a little bit better." Storm, Jean and Rogue exchanged excited looks. Jubilee had not spoken these many words at once since before the rapes.
Jean reached over and hugged Jubilee, and her heart skipped a beat when Jubilee returned the hug. Storm concluded the ceremony reiterating that they only had to view this as a beginning, and they could come together like this again as often as they wanted to. Jubilee perked up at the suggestion of meeting again, and Jean added that she would very much like to. Rogue had to smile and admit that she got something out of this and would also like to meet again. The four women all embraced each other before saying goodnight.
Scott sat up in bed, reading the novel he had printed up off the computer earlier that day. His hands would greatly have preferred the feel of a real book rather than so many white sheets of paper stapled together, but this would have to suffice. At least he was getting the pleasure of reading great literature before bedtime.
He gasped with surprise when the door to his room slid aside.
"Jean? I didn't expect you back so early," he said.
"It's okay," she said. "The ceremony went well. We had a good time together but we didn't go for too long. We all decided that we want to meet again later." She walked to the side of the bed and reached to kiss his mouth. As she drew near to him, he relished the softness of her mouth and her scent. She sat next to him on the bed and they put their arms around each other.
"You look very happy," he said when she pulled back and looked at him. Her eyes were shining and she looked pretty much just like the old Jean.
"I am. I'm delighted it went so well. Rogue is finally talking about her anger. I could feel the anger leaving her body. I mean, it is leaving her slowly and there's still a lot in there, but she got some of it out. Talking about how mad she is really helps her. And Jubilee! She actually said two whole sentences. She hugged each of us before she left, and I felt more warmth from her than I have since…since before we all set foot on this ship. I didn't need my powers at all to detect the difference in her."
"That's wonderful!" Scott said.
"I really, really feel like she is eventually going to be ok. This was a great first step." As Jean spoke, her fingers casually played with Scott's hair and traced his face. When her fingers grazed his mouth, he placed a quick kiss on them.
She reached and quickly kissed his mouth again before she pulled back and stood up. "Well, I am going to take my bath now," she told him.
He nodded. "It is late."
"Are you going to sleep anytime soon?" Jean asked.
Scott wasn't sure how to take her question. "Well, I didn't have any plans to do anything else tonight," he said before he thought about what she might mean. He did a double take and looked at Jean. Her eyes sparkled and she was smiling, but before he could say more, she disappeared into the bathroom. Scott lay on the bed wondering, as he heard the bathwater run.
Jean emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, wearing only a towel. She waited for Scott to look up from his papers and notice her. Scott had been re-reading the same few paragraphs the whole time Jean had been in the bathroom, and was glad to focus his sight elsewhere. He looked at her, his heart rate starting to pick up.
Jean walked over to her husband, smiling. After she took the papers from his hands and tossed them aside, she sat on his lap. "Jean-" he began, but was cut off by her mouth on his.
The kiss lasted for many long moments, each reveling in the heavenly sensations of feeling their soulmate's mouth against their own. Their tongues played together. Jean felt her heart race and her body already on fire. She had known from the moment she walked out of the ceremony that she was ready to make love with Scott.
After a while, Jean broke off the kiss and leaned back. She removed her towel and flung it to the floor. Scott fought to keep his breathing steady and calm. Making love to Jean was his favorite pleasure in the world and it seemed like an eternity had passed since they had experienced this, and he had been gearing up to prepare to wait another eternity before she might be ready. But Jean was now pressing her body against his, her fingers tracing the slight stubble on his face. She pulled him into a kiss again which they enjoyed. "Your mouth tastes so good," she whispered to him.
Again Jean pulled back, this time so she could disrobe her husband. She took her weight off him and used her powers to lift his undershirt upwards. Scott gladly lifted his arms and allowed his shirt to join Jean's towel on the floor. Scott then lay back as Jean pressed herself towards him, lavishing his face and upper body with kisses. She kissed his neck, massaged his muscled shoulders and arms, and worked her way to his chest. She planted a few delicate kisses on his nipples. She wanted to take this slowly, but her hands were trembling and the call from her loins was becoming more and more urgent. She took her mouth from his chest and looked at Scott's handsome face.
"Can I do the same to you?" he asked.
Jean answered by shifting her position to lay on her back. Despite Jean's tender ministrations, Scott was a bit nervous. He kept as much of his weight off of her as possible as his hands and mouth began to pay homage to her. He held one of her hands to his mouth and kissed each finger. Slowly he moved up her arm and placed delicate kisses along it. It felt to Jean as if a lifetime passed before he reached her other arm, planted kisses in the hollow of her elbow, and moved on to kiss the fingers on her other hand.
"Scott," Jean breathed, "there is no need to go so slowly tonight."
"Pleasure should be savored, my love," Scott whispered. His head was spinning. He was sure that given the circumstances, she would want to go slowly. That is what would make sense to him. But she was telling him otherwise.
Jean's reply was a loud moan, the sound of which had the ability to drive him crazy. He tried to accommodate her desire by reaching her breasts and cupping them. He brought his mouth down on the rounded flesh and tongued an erect nipple, as his other hand kneaded the flesh of the other breast. Jean adored the sensations, but she had meant it when she urged her husband to go faster. Gently, gently she pushed his head downwards.
Scott complied, moved down on the bed, his face at her belly. He slathered the taut flesh with kisses, his tongue darting in and out of her navel. She moaned again, "This feels so good." She started arching her hips and then spread her legs.
Scott didn't need his psychic link with her to know what she wanted him to do. He wanted to do it too. He reached for a spare pillow and placed it under her hips. Scott was already hard, his heart pounding and his body trembling….and his link allowing him to feel how aroused Jean already was which intensified each sensation for him.
He slowly kissed her inner thighs, starting down towards her knee and eventually working his way to where her inner thigh met her public hair. Scott repeated the process on the other leg. Jean's small cries of pleasure made his body burn even more. His mouth finally reached her womanhood and he tentatively kissed his way in. Her lips parted. As her scent aroused him further, he noticed that she was already very, very wet. Her lips seemed to invite him in. He gently puffed a stream of air onto her whole area, as he knew she adored the sensation.
Jean moaned again and she silently urged him on. He licked and sucked her labia before working his way to her throbbing clit, delighting in the luscious pink folds. Scott kissed her clit with his lips and then tongued it. He knew from their mindlink that she wanted more vigorous pressure, so he licked the throbbing bud in circles. He felt her delight continue to build and his whole body felt on fire. His cock was so swollen now it was almost painful.
One of Scott's hands held one of Jean's. Jean's other hand grasped the bedpost as she thrust her hips wildly against her lover's lips and tongue. This was ecstasy. Her mind and body were in paradise. She felt as though the horrors she had lived through were being washed away. She was with the man she loved and it hadn't been spoilt one bit….in fact, it was better than ever. She loudly cried out as wave after wave of pleasure overtook her. She continued to move her hips after some time, and Scott continued to love her with his mouth until she gently tapped his head.
Scott looked up. Jean reached one hand to caress his hair. He had felt the intensity of her climax and was simultaneously stunned, awed, overjoyed and relieved. He had been ready to wait months and months before she was ready for this. "That was wonderful," Scott murmured.
"Yes, it was," Jean agreed. "And it's not over, is it?"
Scott smiled though he felt some unease. She wouldn't feel at all pressured, would she? She * had* initiated this. But which things did she want to do and which things would she prefer not to? He decided it would be best to let her take the lead. He moved so that he lay on his side, facing her.
Jean wasted no time; her hands cupped his manhood through the shorts he still wore. He was hard as a rock, drops of precum having already spilt onto his shorts. "I think it's time we got rid of these, don't you?" Jean asked, as she tugged at the waistband. His shorts were discarded quickly.
Jean slithered down so that she faced his hardness, and she rubbed her cheek against it. Scott knew what she was preparing to do but asked her not to. "Not that," he whispered. "I'd prefer we didn't do that now."
"Why?" she asked.
"I'm too close to cuming right now." Jean sensed that there was an additional reason too, which he was trying to conceal from her. She knew he was concerned it would bring some bad memories back to her. She felt his anxiety build and realized there was some truth to his concern. She acquiesced and simply planted a kiss on the throbbing, wet tip of his cock.
Jean then moved so that she lay on top of her husband. She bent to kiss him again before she mounted him. Slowly she lowered herself onto him, bracing herself by placing her arms on his shoulders. The sensation of him filling her, their two bodies becoming one, was tremendously fulfilling to both. Gradually she built up a rhythm, thrusting up and down. She transferred her grasp to Scott's hands.
She sensed his anxiety and felt she had to reassure him that she was alright. He was nervous. Using their mindlink, she conveyed feelings of her delight to him.
Fleetingly, Jean's memory flashed back to when the couple had first become lovers, so many years ago. Scott had been so nervous back then too. Although Jean had been no virgin, she had had only one previous lover. Scott-who didn't have a great deal of experience himself-was worried about being able to please her. Jean had picked up on his anxiety which caused her to worry herself. They both had had to learn that being in love didn't automatically translate into sexual bliss. But the process of learning had brought them closer, and Scott's earnest desire to please endeared him even more to Jean. After a while, they had found their rhythm and were able to relax and enjoy their lovemaking. Jean recalled those memories because she knew Scott hadn't been so nervous since then.
"I love you, sweetheart," she murmured. "This feels so good." She looked at his face and felt his heart leap with love for her.
"Jean," he gasped. She groaned and responded by moving her hips faster and faster. She gyrated her hips, making little circles which intensified the sensations Scott felt. He looked up at her form, her hair plastered against her face, her eyes closed in rapture, her generous breasts bobbing up and down as she bounced. He felt his orgasm building as she pounded up and down, faster and faster. He eagerly thrust his hips back at her.
Jean felt that his climax was building, he was on the brink and yet the very controlled man held back. /Why are you holding back?/
/Because you haven't come yet./ was the simple answer.
Jean had to smile inwardly. This was so Scott. /Sweetie, I already came, when you were giving me head./
/I know, but don't you want to again?/ She had done it before, several times. Like many of her fellow mutant women, she often didn't stop at one orgasm per lovemaking session.
/My body is telling me that won't happen this time. Don't worry about it, my love. I'm enjoying this./
He still felt some reluctance. Inwardly she sighed. She loved him dearly, but he could be this way at times and she got a little tired of having to reassure him. Jean flooded his mind with sexy sensations as she clenched her inner muscles around him. She couldn't see it but his eyes widened. Her thrusting sped up and she forced the orgasm from him. He came and came, flooding her with his love juices.
Afterwards, they curled up together. They happily kissed and caressed, snuggling together. They shared their contented feelings with each other and eased into a calm sleep. At some point during the night, they woke up together. Tenderly, delicately, exquisitely they made love again. This time they went very slowly, savoring each second.
Scott's opinion of healing ceremonies could not have been higher.
When I walked into the infirmary for breakfast, Jubilee and Storm were sitting at the table eating. We X-men had dinner together every day but due to the disparate times at which we all got out of bed, we tended to eat breakfast at staggered times. Hank was already working away at his lab, probably having finished breakfast a while ago.
I cautiously approached Storm and Jubilee. "Good morning," I said.
Jubilee turned her head and looked at me. "Good morning," she said. Storm also greeted me. Jubilee looked good-as if she had slept well and was more alert than she had been. She definitely wasn't anywhere near her old self, but she looked ok.
"I missed having you share my room last night," I said light-heartedly to Jubilee. "Did you sleep elsewhere?"
Jubilee looked at Storm. "She shared my room," Storm said. Storm also looked even more peaceful and normal than she had since we were captured.
I sat next to them at the table and helped myself to some of the remaining pancakes and fruit. Storm and I talked a bit about miscellaneous things. She asked me how my learning of the ship's functions was going. I asked her about the healing ceremony of yesterday and she just said that it went quite well.
During the conversation, Jubilee looked down. She was eating, which was encouraging, but her portions were very small, as they had been since she "woke up." She chewed very, very slowly and I wondered if her throat hurt because she seemed to take a while to swallow. She hadn't spoken since she returned my good morning greeting. I kinda glanced in her direction and then shot Storm a questioning look. Storm gave a slight nod.
"Jubilee," I began, "would you be interested in helping me with something?"
Jubilee looked at me, just gazing in my direction. I took that as a slight encouragement so I went on to tell her, in a very enthusiastic tone, about all the seeds I had found and my plans for the ship's vegetable garden. "Really, gardening is a lot of fun. Do you want to help me?"
She shrugged and said, "Sure."
Storm smiled at me which I interpreted as a sign to not get discouraged. We ate leisurely, and before long Cyclops and Jean joined us.
Jean patted Jubilee's shoulder, and Jubilee seemed to respond well to her. They seated themselves at the table and began finishing off the pancakes. Storm and Cyclops spoke a lot about ship's functions, and the status of the team's lessons in our learning. Storm said that Rogue and Gambit were trailing the rest of the team in terms of their learning as they both favored spending their time at the gym.
"But we should go easy on them for now," Storm advised. "It has not been very long since we all agreed to start learning the ship's functions.."
Cyclops nodded. "I agree but I don't want them to wait forever, either. I'll give them a few more days to take more of an interest in learning about the ship before I speak to them about it. We do all need to learn how this ship works, and it is not that difficult to pick up."
"Perhaps they would work better if they each had a one-on-one teacher," Storm suggested. "Most of us have been doing self-learning with the computer teaching us, but that method just might not be for everyone."
"That's a great point," Cyclops admitted.
I gotta say that I prefer Storm's leadership style to Cyclops's. From what I could see of them in battle, they are roughly equal but Storm just comes across as more warm and she's better on the people side. Though I don't have anything against Cyclops. I was observing what a good, loving husband he was to Jean. I wonder why he couldn't translate that to the team.
During their discussion, I sneaked a few looks at Jubilee, trying to catch her eye so I could smile at her. But from that point on, she just looked down at her plate and didn't talk.
Wolverine entered the room, a bit earlier than his usual time. The seat to Cyclops's left was empty, so he took it. I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. He kinda sniffed the air around Scott and Jean, and then got a look on his face that was a bit hard to interpret. It wasn't a negative look necessarily (at least not by Wolverine standards) but I couldn't guess what that expression meant. I detected a bit of surprise, and maybe even a bit of….relief or happiness even? Hard to say.
Anyway, I was glad that Jubilee agreed to work on the garden with me. After breakfast, she and I headed straight for the room I'd set the garden up in. We worked together. She was cooperative and alert, though not at all talkative.
TO BE CONTINUED