Going good. No reviews. I so completely suck.
****I didn't know that it was so cold and
You needed someone to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out that
When the time comes, I'll take you away.
****Obi-Wan saw himself when he had been a position helping Master Jinn, after some sort of fight or accident. Right now, he couldn't quite remember how the perilous position had occurred but somehow it had, and Obi-Wan had this particular memory.
He cast his mind back and remembered.
He remembered how he had seen the legendary Master Jinn lying on the ground. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't even remember where he had been or why he was there when the incident had occurred. The memory was a strange thing, some things were clear, many other things were not.
But the where didn't matter.
"Master Jinn!" The initiate's voice cut through the air, fear lacing it's edges as it's owner thought of what could've happened to Qui-Gon.
There was no reply from the crumpled figure on the ground and all that distinguished Jinn from any other person were the ruffled Jedi robes that he wore and his long silver/brown hair that flowed from underneath the hood.
"MASTER JINN!" Obi-Wan cried out again as he dropped and skidded to his knees beside the figure on the ground. "Master Jinn! Can you hear me? What's wrong? Master Jinn! Please answer me!" Obi-Wan didn't know what to do, his voice was high and panicked.
In desperation he grabbed the unconscious man by his shoulders and shook him hard. When there was no response, he gathered all the healing force that an initiate could possibly muster and suddenly shook the older Jedi while releasing all the healing Force into the Master's mind.
The solid wall of healing force tore through the Jedi Master's mind, fortunately not causing any pain nor damage but it was strong enough to knock down all the shields that Qui-Gon had erected around his most personal thoughts. Normally, the collapse of such shields in a Jedi Master would've been impossible, especially for an Initiate, but Qui-Gon seemed unusually weak with those particular shields. As if he'd been thinking often of those particular memories behind the shield or as if the shield was already partially crumbling.
And since Obi-Wan was still touching the older Jedi and channeling the Force through him, like a metal conducting electricity, the thoughts flew up Obi-Wan's arm into his mind and struck him like a sledgehammer.
Obi-Wan didn't even have to time to cry out but could only release a stifled gasp as it felt like he had been plunged into freezing cold water. His body tensed and the boy's back arched as his mind was bombarded with image after image, feeling after feeling. Goosebumps raised themselves and the boy's hairs along the back of his neck and arms stood on end.
He saw Qui-Gon watching Xanatos with pride as the boy dueled. He felt a father's pride and fear as Xanatos battled other enemies. He felt the pure love of a father for his son. He saw Qui-Gon hugging a boy his age, soothing him when he woke from nightmares, stroking his hair, murmuring a lullaby to put the scared boy back to sleep again. He saw Qui-Gon tending to any injuries that Xanatos had sustained, whether it be a grazed knee or a severe blaster wound. He felt a father's anxious worry when Xanatos was injured, and a father's gentle anger when Xanatos stepped out of line. What the images and feelings showed him was a loving family of two. Of master and padawan.
Obi-Wan hadn't really minded seeing the images before him, the loving ones, the images of a family gone past. The feelings enveloped him in a warm glow, tingeing his cheeks slightly pink but then it all changed.
The beginning of the images were ruled with feelings of love and tenderness but they were soon replaced with desperation, guilt and fear as Xanatos turned.
Obi-Wan felt the crushing feeling of betrayal, immense hurt and pain. He saw how Qui-Gon had been forced to draw against his own apprentice, his own son. Obi-Wan stifled another gasp, this one of pain, as he seemed to abruptly grow colder, it was just so cold. It was as if he'd been enveloped in ice, the ice needles stabbing into his body over and over again.
The family shattered. Xanatos left hating his father, and his father was crushed. Qui-Gon Jinn, was broken. Tears were cried, sobs racked the body and decisions were lamented about their wiseness.
Qui-Gon spiraled downwards into an inward spiral of self-destructive despair. Obi-Wan squirmed in an effort to break the connection as the images bombarded him faster and grew more intense and painful as he felt the big Jedi's horrific feelings.
Over and over the Master blamed himself for his son's fall. If only he'd done something different, if only he'd taught him better, if only he'd been more strict, if only…….
The universe so full of people, so full of life suddenly became a very lonely place for Qui-Gon Jinn. He took assignments to leave the temple, to not see the place where his son had grown up. He took risks as he no longer really cared if he lived or died. He thought he deserved to die for what Xanatos had done.
No, Obi-Wan thought desperately, It's not your fault.
Obi-Wan cried out in pain as the images grew even more faster, and blurred into one another. The cold was stabbing him again and he knew inwardly that there was a chance he could go into shock if he grew any colder. The images were blurred, it was hard to tell what was happening.
Qui-Gon was fighting…..no…..Xanatos was fighting, green against….black, no……Qui-Gon was fighting Xanatos. Obi-Wan recoiled in fright as he felt Xanatos' hate for his father, he saw Qui-Gon breaking down in his room, crying and sobbing, he felt and saw Qui-Gon lose interest in his life…….
Then suddenly, Obi-Wan shrieked in fright as a hand suddenly grabbed his forearm. Instantly, the images stopped and the initiate forced the feeling away that he needed to throw up. His stomach swirled unsteadily and he felt nauseous and dizzy. He looked around in fright but had a hard time to get his eyes to focus. He couldn't stop trembling even though the air temperature was warm. He could still feel the coldness of the Jedi's mind.
"So now you know Initiate Kenobi." Qui-Gon's voice cut through the air and the Jedi Master tightened his grip on the boy's arm as he struggled to get to his feet.
"K-know…..w-what sir?" Obi-Wan stammered through chattering teeth and flinched as his arm turned white under the pressure Qui-Gon subjected it to.
"Why I haven't taken another Padawan." Obi-Wan closed his eyes in an effort to stop tears from slipping out as a side effect of the devastating feelings he had felt.
The initiate remembered the pain of a broken heart and the fear of the same dreadful task being performed again. "I understand." The grip on the boy's arm loosened and Qui-Gon let go altogether.
"Good. Thankyou." Qui-Gon's voice was soft but unsteady as the man forced himself to his feet and groaned as he touched his side. "No need to worry. It's only a flesh wound. I will be fine now."
Obi-Wan looked up at the tall man, taking in the lines etched into the man's face and the dark bags under the eyes. For the first time, he saw the pain concealed beneath the cold, blue eyes.
He remembered the loneliness. The dark, utter, soul consuming loneliness and he remembered that he desperately didn't want to feel it again. Please don't leave me, was the heartfelt plea he heard from the old man's mind.
Obi-Wan hesitated, "Master Jinn…..if you….if you ever want to…..take another….if you feel that……"
Qui-Gon smiled gently at the boy kneeling before him and replied softly, "Not now. Not yet. I'm not ready. And I probably never will be."
What happened next had happened in a blur, after some things, other things were not important. All that he remembered was that Qui-Gon Jinn had left and Obi-Wan was left kneeling in the hall. Alone. Once again.
But it wasn't that bad this time. Obi-Wan smiled to himself in the darkness of his own mind, realizing and knowing that in that act of desperation, in trying to stir, in trying to wake the Jedi Master, he had formed a link with the man and maybe even a slight bond. And he knew Master Jinn better now. Certainly, he understood.
But when you are ready, I will be waiting, Obi-Wan vowed silently to himself to try and watch over the Master as much as he could. You will heal.
*****wails* Please review! *sobs*