Thankyou for the continued support for such a crappy story. Yes, i know. Its bull. But once i start something, i just HAVE to finish it. Call it the Aries stubborness. Sorry, this update took a long time coming. College and university and turning 18 and all.....you know how it is. Reviewers comments:
Faith: Thanks for your review~! Sorry, this took some time coming...Yeah, they do get a bit more closer in this one.
opals: You're forgiven! Its just i was beginning to think that no one was reading it. I hope you like this part.
dab+brakensilver: How on earth did you find me? I was shocked to recieve a review for Windmills, that story would've been well and truely buried, me having wrote it like a whole year ago. There will be another chpater after this one too....don't give up until i actually write "The End"!
Sano's honey: Yeah, there's about another 3 chapters after this one...so it'll be a bit longer. I'm so sorry that the chapters themselves are pretty short and pointless, but yeah...well...theres no excuse....
****If you want to, I can save you.
I can take you away from here.
So lonely inside,
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares
****Obi-Wan smiled as he remembered the next part of his life. The part that changed his life forever. The part that he had dreamed about for days, months, years.
The day that he became Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan. Admittedly, it was a rough journey, being enslaved on Bandomeer and the trouble with Xanatos. He remembered his crushing despair and fear of being lonely for the rest of his life, having to be a nameless slave forever.
But he made the decision, the life changing decision, the selfless decision of being willing to sacrifice his own life to save Qui-Gon. After all, if that was the only way to get Qui-Gon out, as a Jedi, it was the course that he would take. And if he didn't, he didn't know if he could live with Qui-Gon's death or enslavement on his mind.
But Qui-Gon took him as his Padawan and all of Obi-Wan's dreams came true.
But what he saw as Qui-Gon's Padawan was the side of Qui-Gon that he hid from other people, the side he kept concealed.
Obi-Wan would never forget that no matter how cold his Master seemed, how fearless he appeared, how unconcerned by matters he gave the impression of, his Master was only human.
A Jedi yes, but a human foremost. And all humans have their emotions and their weaknesses.
Qui-Gon attempted to hide his weakness from the world and the only person that got a glimpse into the real Qui-Gon, the inner Qui-Gon was his apprentice.
Obi-Wan remembered.
Being Qui-Gon's apprentice was no easy matter. The big man tried to keep his distance, tried to teach the boy at arm's length when instead he should've been right there beside him the whole time, helping him to walk, holding him up when running. Instead, the Jedi Master seemed to watch from the sidelines, watching while his apprentice worked hard beneath him but still, he tried to keep to himself.
It hurt Obi-Wan, but he knew why his Master took such a stand. He understood.
But that didn't make it any easier, any softer.
He could still see the hurt in the man's eyes, the fear that held him in the darkest part of his heart, the fear of Obi-Wan turning like his last apprentice, that Qui-Gon would be forced to fight his new apprentice, to even have to hunt him down and kill him.
The fear of having his heart broken again. It was a fear that was rational and at the same time, irrational.
Obi-Wan understood why his Master would have such a fear, but he knew that deep within himself, he would never turn. He would never betray the Jedi Order, and most importantly, he would never betray his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn.
He loved him dearly. He loved the scared, seemingly cold Master dearly. He would've done anything for him. Anything at all.
He would withstand torture on behalf of his teacher, he would gladly sacrifice himself thousands of times over if only it would help his master.
He tried to get close to the man, he tried to reach out to him but Qui-Gon always shied away. Once bitten, twice shy.
But over and over again, Master Jinn pushed his apprentice away from him, away from his fragile heart.
Until one night. That night, everything changed.
The Master and Padawan team were chasing Xanatos as he wreaked havoc and death across the galaxy as he moved from planet to planet to continue his devilish scheme. It had been a hard day and both Master and Padawan were dreadfully tired.
Qui-Gon had already retired to bed and Obi-Wan was just preparing himself for sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Xanatos though. The man was no doubt pure evil, having allowed the Dark side to consume his soul. He wanted nothing more then to his ex-Master, his old father to die. Die a slow painful death. Obi-Wan had seen him, and the pure darkness that he could see swirling in the Dark Jedi's eyes made him shiver.
Obi-Wan licked his lips and coughed lightly. There was dry raspy feeling in this throat and he decided he'd better get a glass of water in case he woke up during the night with a dry throat. The boy padded out into the kitchen and silently picked a glass out of the cupboard before filling it up with water from the tap.
The apprentice was sipping his water when he heard a sound in the compound. Obi-Wan was so startled he nearly dropped the glass but instead, he tensed, his hand tightening around the glass as he placed his head on one side, and listened intently.
There it was again! It was like a moan crossed with a whimper. Obi-Wan frowned slightly. It was a strange sound, strange to be heard within a Jedi's compound. It was a sound that you could associate with the crèche, where young children often had nightmares.
It sounded like it was coming from Master Qui-Gon's room.
No, it couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be…….he wouldn't be…..Obi-Wan doubted very much what he was thinking. Qui-Gon Jinn couldn't possibly be having a nightmare, could he?
He was Qui-Gon Jinn! He was the most talked about Master! He was THE master! Everyone looked up to him, he was informidable. He owuldn't be suffering from something as childish as a nightmare, he was perfect!
No, a little voice in Obi-Wan's head spoke out, He is not perfect. He is human. He just projects himself as a perfect image, its just an image he shows the world. But you know better. You know. You're his apprentice. You're his apprentice now and you know him better…….
Well, theres only one way to find out. Obi-Wan padded silently down the hall and hesitantly entered his Master's room. At first, he saw nothing as his eyes adjusted to the complete darkness that his Master slept in.
Admittedly, there hadn't been much light in the kitchen but the light from the planet's twin moons had been more then enough to light the kitchen and throw off the boy's night vision. Here, in Jinn's room, it was almost pitch black.
For a second, the apprentice saw nothing but then he stifled a gasp as he viewed his Master. Qui-Gon was thrashing weakly on his bed, the faint rasping sounds explained as his moved his hand faintly over the crisp, starch sheets on his bed. Qui-Gon kept turning his head from one side to the other, almost like trying to deny whatever he was seeing in his dream.
The Master's face was drenched in sweat and even as his apprentice watched, horrified yet fascinated, a bead of sweat rolled down the Master's cheek to soak into the bed linen.
Obi-Wan approached silently, making sure that he made no sound and wouldn't alert his Master to his presence. It couldn't be real! His Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, having a nightmare.
Why shouldn't he? He is only human. Showing two sides to the world, you've felt the other, inner side before. He acts all busy and resourceful outside, hiding his feelings in this deep, lonely well inside of him, Obi-Wan's conscious chided him gently.
When Qui-Gon cried out softly in his sleep, Obi-Wan couldn't watch anymore.
"Master Jinn! Master Jinn!" Obi-Wan shook the man gently, trying to arouse him from his dreaming. For a couple of seconds there was no response as the older man moaned and shook his head, and then suddenly, he eyes snapped open and he jerked upright so abruptly that his apprentice nearly fell over backwards in shock.
"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon Jin was shocked and angry to see his apprentice in his room, in his sanctum. "What are you doing here?" He snapped, his voice unusually curt.
"I was just….i was just passing by and it seemed that……It seemed that….that you were…er…." Obi-Wan was put off at the fierce expression on his mentor's face.
"It seemed that?" Qui-Gon's voice contained a hint of, what? Of fear? Curiosity? Bitterness? Anger? Obi-Wan wasn't sure.
"Well, it seemed like you were….." Obi-Wan got his confidence together, "It seemed that you seemed to be suffering from a nightmare of some sorts Master."
Qui-Gon wiped his face with his hand in submission, feeling the sweat. He was afraid that it had been happening. "I'm sorry Padawan for my curtness."
"That's okay Master." Obi-Wan inclined his head, actually surprised that Qui-Gon had called him Padawan at this time. He looked down at the water in his hand and offered it to his teacher, "Do you want some water Master?"
"Thankyou." Qui-Gon drank deeply before handing the glass back to his student.
Obi-Wan looked at his teacher, the sweaty hair and the messed up blankets and he noticed the dark bags under his Masters eyes.
Obi-Wan hestitantly put the glass down on one of the bedside tables and said softly, "This isn't the first time this has happened is it?"
"No." Qui-Gon admitted after a longish pause.
"How long?" Obi-Wan lowered his eyes so that Qui-Gon didn't feel threatened, besides it embarrassed him slightly to be asking these questions.
"All this week." Qui-Gon knew that he didn't have to answer the questions if he didn't want to, but it felt kinda nice to tell someone else, besides his apprentice was concerned about him…….when was the last time he'd had a Padawan concerned about him? His previous one was intent on killing him.
Obi-Wan was shocked at the answer. "Why didn't you say something earlier?? All this time, you've been having those nightmares? The ones that make you act that way??"
Qui-Gon's head snapped around and he stared, shocked into his apprentice's eyes. Obi-Wan shrunk back from the searching glare and couldn't help but flinch at the man's intense stare.
"And what does it matter to you?" Qui-Gon's voice was cold and contained no warmth or feeling in it. Only desolation. All he could remember were the taunting words his old apprentice had spoken to him in his dream.
"W-what does it matter? W-WHAT does it MATTER??" Obi-Wan's voice cracked with incredulity. "Master Jinn, are you serious?"
The ensuring silence showed that his Master's question was indeed serious.
Obi-Wan couldn't believe what he was hearing. His Master certainly had some security problems, Obi-Wan could understand it but once again, he couldn't. He would never let his Master down! Obviously, Master Jinn didn't know that. "Master Jinn, I care for you! I worry about you. You are my Master. You are my Master. I would do anything and everything for you! If you'd allow it, I would prevent anyone and everyone from harming or hurting you. Master, you are more then just a teacher to me….you are a…you are like a father to me. And I care about you." Obi-Wan finished in a breathless rush and was too embarrassed and scared to look into Jinn's eyes, lest what he see.
Qui-Gon sat on his bed, shocked beyond words, his apprentice's words echoing in his head. Was it true? Or was it another deliberate scheme, aimed to get under his defenses? The older man looked at his apprentice and saw the truth.
His apprentice did care for him.
Qui-Gon Jinn leant over and lifted up the youths chin with his own hand, making the boy look him in the eyes. Then he spoke three words. Three words only. But with these three words, he said everything that ever needed to be said between them.
"Thank you Padawan."