Xmen: Friends of Humanity

by Stormkpr

The first book in my trilogy. FOH are taking over earth and the X-men must fight back. WARNING - contains some disturbing scenes; not suitable for children. COMPLETED

6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Two days after Shaman proposed the idea of a healing ceremony, the 11 of us X-men and the 3 members of Alpha Flight went together to the meeting room after dinner. We hardly ever used it, but Shaman said he wanted a room that was large enough to hold all of us comfortably but more enclosed than the huge gym. The large rectangular table was removed from the conference room to give us the needed space.

I was a touch nervous, not knowing what to expect, but somehow the mysterious Shaman instantly put us at ease. The room was darkened, but lit with myriad candles. He was burning something but it had a pleasant smell. Shaman asked us to sit in a circle on the floor, and he passed a drink around to us, asking everyone to take a sip from it. I'm not sure what was in that drink but it somehow loosened us all up. I sensed that some of my teammates, perhaps those such as Wolverine and Rogue, may have been totally rolling their eyes and thinking this was going to be lame, but after we each had a sip of the drink, you could feel the mood lighten. I felt mellowed out. It sounds weird, but I felt that my mind like expanded, and I think the others got that effect too.

I liked the effect of the candles, too. You could see well enough so that you wouldn't fall over someone, but the darkness and shadows the candlelight cast were somehow comforting, like a gentle blanket was placed over us.

The first part of the ceremony we spent saying goodbye to our dead. This was very touching and went very well. Shaman said a prayer for those who have gone on to the other side. He asked us to take turns saying aloud names of our comrades who have passed away, and to talk a little about what each one had meant to us. We spent a long time on this. I hadn't known any of these people well but I felt profoundly sad that they gone. Nightcrawler….Shadowcat…..Eric Magnus Lensherr…Thunderbird…Morph….Guardian….Vindicator, and on and on. Even though you could hear sniffles from some of us sitting around the circle, it also felt good to acknowledge each and every one of them and how important they had been. Several different X-men spoke during this section and the Professor contributed to what was said about each mutant, adding an insight into something unique and wonderful about each. He even told us things about Magneto that surprised me.

When we were done naming our friends who had passed away, Shaman said another prayer, which wished them peace and asked them to bless us and help guide us. I was very moved, and I guess everyone was.

Shaman then led us into the second part of the healing ceremony. He started out by saying that throughout much of history, groups of people have been oppressed because they were different. I don't remember all exactly what he said except the basic concept was that it was dehumanizing and made the people being oppressed experience a wide range of emotions. He then said that all of us in this room have survived physical and emotional torture, and we were forced to experience that because some people had trouble with our difference.

I wish I could remember his exact words, but it was kinda cool how he tied it in, because he said something to the effect that we are bound to have all sorts of different emotions over what happened to us, and emotions are not right or wrong, they simply are. Something like that. He then asked if anyone would like to talk about their own emotions.

After he had said that, I had thought that no one would want to be the first to speak, and people might be tight-lipped. But I was totally wrong. We had great discussion. Rogue spoke first, about being furious as hell for being made into an object. Several others echoed what she said. There was a lot of talk around this.

Storm bravely brought up something that I would never have thought she would feel. Shame. She said she knew that it was not logical to feel shame about being raped, and yet she felt it. Cyclops spoke next and said he felt a tremendous amount of shame that he was unable to prevent the rapes from happening, even though logically he knew there was nothing he could have done. Just about all the other men then said words to that effect.

I said that I felt immensely sad that people could be so cruel. I said I know what Shaman had said was true, and there have been many, many groups of people who were brutalized throughout history. "We're not the only people who have been treated like dirt because of our difference, but I still feel really sad when I think of how mean human beings can be to other human beings." A lot of the others then tagged onto that theme.

Fear was another emotion people said they felt. Hank said he was not prone to worry, but he felt tremendous anxiety for the mutants back on earth. Again, others voiced agreement, many saying they were angry and frustrated that we could not help anytime soon.

What other comments were made? I wish I could remember it all. Jean said she felt very touched at how supportive and caring all the men on the team had been. Jubilee began to cry softly at that point. She let Wolverine give her a hug and said she was crying because she agreed with Jean. I looked over at them, glad to see Jubilee accepting Wolverine's hug and moved by the look of tenderness he had.

We continued for quite some time. When the ceremony was over, I was surprised at what hour it was, but during the ceremony it did not feel long at all. When Shaman said he was getting ready to close the ceremony, the Professor asked if he could say a few words. The Professor talked about how brave and strong all of us were, and said he felt confident that the bonds we all shared would help us heal. We ended by holding hands and Shaman saying a brief prayer. Afterwards, everyone was hugging and kissing each other. I exchanged hugs with everyone in that room. Even Wolverine was doing this. It was incredible. Never, ever in my life had I felt such love and support.

So basically, it went great. Despite all the horrors we had lived through, I actually went to bed on cloud 9.

---

Only a few days after the healing ceremony, the members of Alpha Flight had a shocking announcement to make during dinner.

"We cannot thank you enough for rescuing us and taking us in," Northstar said through his thick accent. "We must ask another favor of you. Can we take one of your shuttles?"

Surprised looks were exchanged around the table as Northstar continued, "Marie, Shaman and I would like to return to earth."

"Return to earth?" Wolverine repeated. "Are you nuts?"

Shaman smiled. "Each of us has a very important reason for wanting to go back. We each have family there."

Jeanne Marie spoke, "I have a husband and a son. They mean more to me than anyone in the world, along with my brother, of course. Shaman has a wife and daughter, and Northstar's soulmate Phillippe is also back on earth."

"We have to go back," Northstar said. "We feel mentally much better since being healed. Now that we do feel healed, all any of us think about are our families."

"It is difficult for me to wake up every morning not knowing whether my wife and daughter are alive or not," Shaman said. "If they are dead, then I need to achieve some closure. But I must know one way or the other."

Beast spoke, "Surely we all understand why you feel the way you do and we empathize with you. But how do you intend to get to earth? The FOH ships can certainly detect one of their own shuttles. Your risk of getting captured again is enormous."

The three members of Alpha Flight looked at each other. "This is where we ask your help again," Northstar said. "If the shuttle could be cloaked, we could return to earth undetected. Then we can search for our families."

Cyclops shook his head. "Even if you do make it to earth undetected and in one piece, what's to stop FOH from finding you again on earth? They found you the first time."

Northstar shrugged. "We don't know. You are both correct, you know. We could get captured again either in space or on earth. But we discussed this with each other and we are either going to find our families or die trying."

Marie continued, "We plan to carry cyanide pills with us. If it gets to the point that capture is inevitable, we will take them. We would rather die than have FOH take us alive again. But we also would all rather die than not know the whereabouts of our families."

Northstar added, "We can stay here indefinitely with you, and we really do appreciate your hospitality. But our lives will be miserable without our families. Our lives would have no meaning. That is why we will either find our loved ones, or die trying."

Cyclops was prepared to argue with them more, but Jean cut him off. "I understand completely," she said. "If I were separated from Scott and didn't know whether he was alive or dead, I also would commit to trying to find him, even if my own life was placed on the line. I wouldn't think twice about it." She was even surprised they had waited so many days to announce their desire to leave.

Shaman nodded. "Life is not worth living without our soulmates and our children."

Several of the X-men exchanged looks. The Professor spoke, "I see that you are all resolute and we cannot change your minds. How can we help you?"

The X-men spent the next few days helping Alpha Flight with their preparations. They outfitted one of their three shuttles with a cloaking device, and stocked it with supplies. They beefed up its defenses.

Using warp drive, the X-men took their cloaked ship as close to earth as they dared. The 14 mutants assembled in the shuttle bay, the X-men seeing the Alpha Flight members off.

"We wish you luck," the Professor said. "I hope you will be successful and I hope that you will find your families."

"Shaman, thank you again for the healing ceremony," Jean said. "Everyone thought it was wonderful."

Alpha Flight again thanked the X-men for the rescue. "I do hope someday we will be in touch again, and that we will have good news to share," Northstar said.

After exchanging goodbyes, the trio departed in the shuttle. The X-men steered their ship back away from earth. They wanted to monitor the shuttle's progress, but the more distance that was put between the two vessels, the harder this became, especially due to the shuttle's small size. They could only hope that Alpha Flight would be successful.

"They're crazy," Wolverine said, standing in the shuttle bay after Alpha Flight left. Most of the rest of the team had filed out of the bay. "They're not gonna make it."

Beast said, "I do think their chances of being successful are slim to none."

"I dunno," Rogue said. "They might be crazy but….but it makes sense, why they're doing it."

Gambit was standing next to Rogue. "I agree, chere," he said, turning and facing her. "If you were missing, I would go to the ends of the galaxy to find you." He hadn't cared that there were other people standing in the room with them. He had sensed from Rogue's manner the last few days that she was starting to thaw, and he'd also seen her comment as encouraging.

Rogue reached for and grasped Gambit's hands in her own, her ever-present gloves protecting Gambit from her skin. She looked deep into his eyes and was taken aback by the depth of the love she felt from him. He slowly brought her hands to his lips and kissed them. He used to do this a lot and she had grown to really savor this kind of touch. Rogue's heart welled up with all sorts of sensations, some of them unsettling but most pleasant. This was the first physical contact they had had since that awful first night in the cell. She broke off the touch and gently poked Gambit in the stomach.

"Bet I can beat ya in the Danger Room, Swamp Rat!" she said, stepping back.

Gambit smiled. "Bet you can't, chere."

The two scampered off to the Danger Room where they spent hours working out. Gambit couldn't resist smiling, even though Rogue defeated him twice. What Bobby had been telling him may have been true; maybe just being patient would work. Her mood was definitely improved. He was elated she had let him kiss her hands. Gambit was smart enough to know, however, that he shouldn't push it anymore that day. He went to sleep that night a very happy man.

---

"I can't believe Alpha Flight is gone already. It's like they popped in here one day and leave-what?-two weeks later." I was working with Jubilee, showing her how to program the replicator. Alpha Flight had departed only yesterday.

Jubilee nodded. When conversing with Jubilee, receiving a nod was a normal response, so I went on. "I am a bit bummed about it. I never even got to know Northstar. I've always wanted to meet another gay mutant. It's pretty rare you run into someone else who's both a mutant and gay. It's like a big deal. He's the first one I have ever met. It's like, if you were to meet another Asian mutant, you'd think that was cool, right?"

"Yes," she said. "I met one on Genosha. And there was Psylocke."

"So you understand. Though there are a lot more Asians than gay people, but still And it's not like I wanted to sleep with Northstar or anything like that." I silently added that I sure wouldn't have *minded*, given that I have gone WAY too long without sex. "I guess he and this Phillippe guy are pretty serious if he's using the term soulmate.' But I did want to at least *talk* to the guy. That whole first week he was just unapproachable. I tried a few times later on to say hi and start up a conversation, but he wasn't interested."

"You shouldn't be surprised. After all he went through. Besides, maybe he doesn't know * you're* gay."

"I never thought of that," I said, the paused. "It's just that this was like a once in a lifetime chance. I have always felt so isolated being both a mutant and gay."

I didn't expect Jubilee to offer further encouragement or support, and she didn't. After all *she's* been through, I wouldn't anticipate that she'd be in a position to encourage. But Jubilee was a good listener, and I needed to spout off so that's why I picked her.

I hadn't expected her to drop a bomb on me though. After we turned our attention back to programming the replicator for a minute, she turned to me and said out of the blue, "I'm pregnant."

At first I thought that I had surely misheard her. "What?" I blurted out.

"I'm pregnant, Bobby," she said slowly and clearly. "One of the soldiers who raped me got me pregnant."

My jaw dropped open and my face paled. I guess it was stupid of me to not consider that this could happen, but I honestly had never even thought of it.

"Um….are you sure? I mean, are you sure you're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Oh." This was just about all I could think to say. "What about Storm, Jean and Rogue?" Okay, this was a really stupid thing to ask but it was what popped into my head.

"They're not pregnant. Unless they haven't told me. I haven't told Jean or Rogue yet. You're the third person I told."

"Really? I'm honored. I really am. Um-so who does know?"

"I told Storm and Beast. Beast said he will help me have the baby."

"You mean, like he'll deliver it for you?"

She nodded.

I still was stunned. "You know, Jubilee maybe Hank will perform an abortion on you. I mean, he hasn't done it before but he is a brilliant doctor. I'm sure he could learn and-"

"I don't want an abortion. I'm going to have this baby."

She sounded pretty resolute. I was groping for things to say that would be supportive. She seemed like she wasn't at all uncomfortable discussing this with me. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" I asked.

She looked down and was quiet. Then she smiled. "Teach me how to replicate maternity clothes."

I was beyond shocked, both to see Jubilee smile and even make a joke about this as well as at the news of her pregnancy. I struggled for something else to say, but what do you say? `Congratulations' sure didn't seem appropriate, but neither did `I'm sorry.'

"Well, is there anything else I can do to help?" I asked.

"Once the baby is here, you could help me with it. Babysit and stuff."

"I would be glad to," I said. "Just don't ask me to change any dirty diapers," I said with a smile. She returned my smile.

"Jubilee," I began, moving a little closer to her and placing my hand on her shoulder, "how do you feel about this?" We all had had such a good discussion around emotions during our healing ceremony that I got the idea to ask her what she felt about this. Because from her expression and tone, I couldn't really tell. I knew what I might feel, though and none of it was good.

Jubilee looked down again. "I'm not happy about it. But I've been talking to Storm for a while. And like Shaman said. Throughout history, bad things have been done to people who were different. This is a result of that. I am not the first person in history to have to….experience something like this."

"What else do you feel?" I asked, after she had paused.

"I'm a little scared. But part of me really, really wants this baby. I'm not sure why. Even after having long discussions with Storm about it, I'm not totally sure why. I just know that I want to have this baby. I believe things happen for a reason and maybe there's a reason for this."

I bit my tongue and refrained from saying what I felt. Maybe things do happen for a reason. But as far as I can see, the reason for this occurrence had to do with hatred, bigotry, misogyny…and a host of other really awful things.

---

Iceman had asked Jubilee when she planned to tell the rest of the team, and she answered that she knew she ought to do it soon. Storm had advised her to do so, and Jubilee agreed. Given that they lived in such close quarters with each other, the X-men just found out things about each other without even trying. For example, everyone knew that Gambit had been heartbroken over Rogue's rebuffing him, and that the couple was now starting to get along a little better. Everyone knew Wolverine was getting bored and restless. And a couple of the other X-men had already noticed that Jubilee skipped breakfast occasionally, something she never had done at the mansion, and that once or twice Jubilee was seen looking visibly ill in the morning. It was hard to not know other people's business when you lived, worked, played, and ate with the same 10 people every day.

Therefore, Jubilee decided to break her news to the rest of the team during dinner on the very same day she told Bobby. The young woman knew there would be no easy way to say the words. Once everyone was seated and started passing food, she started to feel nervous. Storm was sitting next to her and gently squeezed her hand. Jubilee forced herself to breathe normally and silently asked herself why she felt anxiety. Compared to everything she had survived, this was nothing. She inhaled and exhaled slowly. The word that Storm had brought up during the group healing ceremony echoed in her mind: *shame.* But the team had talked through it. No one was to feel any shame for what had happened with the FOH. There was nothing anyone could have done. No one regarded her as the "slut" that the soldiers loved to call the women. 'These people are my family,' Jubilee reminded herself. 'I can do this.'

As soon as the conversation came to a lull, Jubilee spoke. "Hey, everyone I have something to tell you." She paused. Her teammates all looked at her, several of them alerted to the serious tone of her voice and the fact that she really had never addressed the group like this. "I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby."

Forks were placed back down on plates and eyes widened. Jean quickly glanced at the rest of the X-men. Most, it seemed, were very surprised though she sensed that at least a few already knew. Jean had suspected that Jubilee might be pregnant. Jean herself had never in her life been so happy to get her period as she had been after the assaults. The soldiers had been instructed by their leader to use condoms, but they did not do so every time and Jean had feared getting pregnant from the rapes.

The group was quiet, as no one knew what to say. Storm glanced at Jubilee and received a nod. Storm spoke, "Jubilee and I have been discussing for some time what to do. She has decided to carry the pregnancy to term. Beast has agreed to do whatever he can to assist with the delivery."

Questions swam through various peoples' heads but none of them were appropriate to ask in this setting. Jubilee looked at the concern on her teammates' faces and felt a desire to say something. "It's ok," she said. "I want to have the baby. It will be ok. We'll have a little baby X-man to raise."

There was something odd about Jubilee reassuring her older teammates. Jean smiled, "The child will certainly have a lot of adoring Uncles and Aunts," she said, looking around the table. Jubilee returned her smile, and Jean continued, "Jubilee, if there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know."

Jean's offer was echoed around the table. Jubilee smiled again and said, "You all better be careful what you offer because I know once the baby comes, I am going to need your help."

"You will have it," the Professor said, speaking for the group. Despite all the reasons to regard it as bad news, part of him was happy about this too. None of his X-men had ever had a child during their time as X-men. He would be a grandfather, so to speak. The idea greatly appealed to him, as did the idea of the group working together to raise a child.

Jubilee felt warmth from the rest of the X-men and she felt inspiration to speak up from Shaman's ceremony. She said, "I know some of you might be thinking that this is a sad thing and all. I mean, I didn't choose for this to happen. I'm not like totally happy about it either. But I think it will be ok." She paused, feeling strength to go on. "I mean, who cares who the father was or what he did? We'll raise the baby like an X-man."

Cyclops said, "I do believe that family is what you make it. We are each other's family and the baby will be part of the family."

Jubilee nodded. "You guys are the only family I have had since I was 14. And…." She lost her trail of thought so she added, "and I dearly hope the baby will be a mutant. I like the idea of going against the stupid Mutant Sterilization Act too!"

The group was heartened to hear that Jubilee sounded more like her old self than she ever had. They then launched into a discussion of the likelihood of the child being a mutant. Mutant characteristics rarely manifested themselves before puberty, only a few known mutants had children and none had yet reached puberty. Shaman's daughter and Marie's son had years to go before puberty. None had yet exhibited mutant characteristics yet, but that was to be expected until they reached puberty. Not many other known mutants had children. Magneto had had a daughter who had been killed at a very young age. No one, of course, knew whether the child would have been a mutant or not.

During the discussion, Jean looked in Wolverine's direction. The emotion she felt coming off him in waves, prevalent and strong, was rage. She made a note to talk to him after dinner.

The group then discussed what sort of preparations would be needed and supplies they would have to replicate for Jubilee and the baby. Beast spoke about the incredible amount of information he had found on childbirth. He sounded confident that he would be ready to deliver the baby when the time came. Storm and Jubilee had done some of the research with Beast and enjoyed learning about it too.

When dinner was over, Jean followed Wolverine down the hall and caught up with him just outside of the gym. "Wolverine, wait," she called to him. He stopped, turned and faced her.

"What is it, Jean?" he asked. He was not attempting to hide that he was upset, though he always took a softer tone of voice when Jean spoke to him.

"I don't usually enter people's minds without their consent," Jean began, "but I sensed such a strong emotion coming from you that I couldn't help but to detect it."

Inwardly, Wolverine snorted. If that was the case, then surely Jean had felt every day for the past 10 years the intense love he had for her. But then again, maybe she had just grown accustomed to it. Maybe she no longer sensed his love, as if it were simply a picture you passed in the hall so many times that you no longer saw it. But Wolverine had a small consolation. Several times over the years he had only to walk near her and he could smell that she was attracted to him. Her natural scent clearly revealed that, and it couldn't lie or mask itself even though she remained faithful to her husband.

But this evening Wolverine had no desire to dwell on this subject. He made a fist and smashed it into the wall. "I am angry. I'm damn angry! We didn't punish those bastards enough when we killed them. After all they put you and the others through, and now this."

"You mean Jubilee's pregnancy?" Jean asked softly.

"Of course that's what I mean! Goddamn them. I hope they are all rotting in hell, if there is such a place 'cause that's where they belong."

Jean nodded. "I feel angry too. We're all angry over what happened. But the fact is that Jubilee is pregnant. There's no changing what happened to us and there's no changing the fact that she will have a baby."

Wolverine clenched his fists and grunted. "I know that. But Jubilee…she's just a kid. She's like my little sister. Now she's gonna have a baby and we gotta be reminded of those fucking bastards and how they hurt her."

Jean looked at Wolverine's face. "I actually don't agree with you on that. Jubilee said at dinner that she agreed family is what you make it, and that the child will be part of our family here. The baby isn't going to prevent us from moving on with our lives."

Wolverine forced himself to take a deep breath. "I hope you're right. Cause goddamn it this makes me so angry. Every time I see the baby I am going to be reminded of-" His voice broke off, the look on his face pure anguish. He turned away from Jean, leaned against the wall and looked down.

"Of what?" Jean asked gently.

"I'm gonna be reminded that I failed to protect her," he said at last, his tone indicating self-disgust. "I failed to protect her, and I failed to protect you, and Storm and Rogue."

Jean stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Wolverine, there was nothing you or any of the others could have done," she said firmly. "Remember what we talked about with Shaman? None of us are guilty, none of us need to feel shame about this. We didn't do anything wrong. I don't feel any shame about what happened and you shouldn't either."

Wolverine turned and looked into Jean's eyes. "I know that in my head. But…" his voice trailed off.

"But you have trouble really believing it in your heart," she said for him. Wolverine nodded. "I understand. That might take more time. We will get through this," Jean continued. "We're all managing to get through it and survive. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Maybe when you see the baby you'll come to love it, like your own niece or nephew."

Wolverine was quiet for a moment. "Jean," he began speaking in a low voice, "those were the worst days of my life. When we were in that cell and you were being assaulted. I would have gone through Weapon X again rather than you suffer. Hell, I would have gone through Weapon X ten times rather than you go through what you did."

"I know, Wolverine. I-" Both looked up as Jean's mind and Wolverine's senses picked up on Cyclops approaching. Instinctively, Jean removed her hand from Wolverine's shoulder and stepped back.

"There you are," Cyclops said to his wife as he made his way down the hall. "I was just wondering where you had gone off to."

"Wolverine and I were having a discussion," Jean said. Scott sensed he had erred in going after her.

"Oh…um, I'm sorry to have interrupted. If you need me, I'll be on the bridge."

Wolverine made a face as Cyclops turned and headed back down the hall. `Looks like old Cyke gets jealous seeing me and his wife go off together after dinner,' he mused.

Jean turned back to face Wolverine when Cyclops had walked back down the hall. The mood of intimacy they had created was disrupted, but Jean had more to say. "Wolverine, I know what you said is true. And I really am touched by it."

Wolverine nodded, the feeling of envy now replacing the anger he had felt earlier. Yeah, Jean would be touched by his caring for her but that evening she would go back to her room and make love with Scott. Wolverine's senses told him that the couple had been going at it like rabbits lately. He knew that mutant women tended to have higher sex drives than non-mutants, and he also knew his healing factor rendered him uniquely equipped to satisfy. What he wouldn't give to be the one with the honor of satisfying Jean. He took a deep breath, knowing he needed to do something to get rid of the knife twisting his heart.

"Yeah, well anyway I gotta go work out now," Wolverine said. "Wanna take a turn in the Danger Room with me?"

"No, thanks," Jean said. "I guess I'd better get to the bridge now." She paused. "Logan, if you want to talk more, you know feel free to come to me any day. It might be better than going off by yourseIf."

He nodded and watched her turn and walk down the hall. He then entered the Danger Room, setting it to one of the most difficult levels.

---

Wolverine was right; that evening Jean and Scott made love.

They weren't using any birth control. They had always used birth control in the past, and the ship they were onboard now had massive supplies of condoms, but Scott and Jean had elected not to use them. They wanted a baby of their own. They had waited years and years, delaying starting a family until life got better for mutants, until they didn't have to keep fighting for their lives almost every day. But now they had reached the realization that there was no point in waiting any longer. If they waited for those things to happen, they would probably never be parents. Besides, both were now approaching their late-thirties - the proverbial biological clock was ticking.

They used a technique that night that they both occasionally enjoyed, especially Scott. After foreplay, both were fully aroused, ready for him to enter her. Jean lay on her back, her legs spread. Scott slowly entered his beautiful wife, and then slowed down even more. He concentrated, he felt her concentrating. Just slowing down expanded every moment, every sensation. Slowly, slowly he pushed forward a tiny amount.

In one ear, he heard a deep groan. Jean lifted her legs backwards, inviting him but he resisted the temptation in an impossible way. It was almost like a man who jumped off a diving board and then, through force of will, lowered himself inch by inch into the pool. Jean groaned again, her desire as irresistible as gravity, but Scott was capable of resisting it. Then he moved forward again, forward and down. Though they both wanted it more than anything, the slowness made their desire increase even more. Every perception they felt was magnified.

Jean reached around and cupped his buttocks in her hands, pressing. He continued to move down and forward, at an agonizingly slow pace. After what felt like an eternity, they began to thrust together. At first Scott thrust quickly, then more slowly, and then quickly again. He wondered why he had ever put this off, it was so perfect a motion, so what his whole body had wanted to do all along. Jean cried out with her first orgasm. Scott's next mental and physical challenge would be to hold off and stay inside her as long as she wanted, to give her as many orgasms as she wanted. He loved this kind of challenge.

---

A few days later, the group assembled for dinner. Colossus had some news about their ship's course.

"In one week or so, we will enter new solar system if we stay on present course," Colossus said. "There are many, many different planets in this system."

"That's great news!" Jean said. "It means we have more chances to find a planet that has dilithium, right?"

Storm and several others nodded. "That's correct," Storm said. "Bless the equipment on this ship. All we need to do is enter a planet's orbit and the sensors can detect whether the planet contains a substance that can be converted into dilithium." Dilithium was their lifeline now. Although they had a couple year's worth of supplies, the X-men were very aware of the fact that the chances of them being able to return to earth in a couple years were looking grim at this point. Using the cloaking device constantly was the biggest drain on their dilithium supplies, and they absolutely had to be able to replenish their supplies.

"I am eager at the chance to increase our ship's supplies," Beast said, "though I also regret that we are continuing to move away from earth."

"It doesn't look like we have much choice," Cyclops said.

"True," Beast said. "But I enjoyed staying abreast of news events on earth, and we are so far out of range now."

"I miss news of earth too, Beast," the Professor said. "Perhaps after we scan the planets in this solar system, if we find more dilithium, we can head back towards earth for a while. Just close enough to get us within range to pick up reports."

The group agreed that this sounded like a good idea.

Wolverine began, "I hope we find a planet that we can visit for a while. I miss the outdoors and fresh air." As Iceman glanced at Wolverine, he mused that "wistful" wasn't an adjective he'd use to describe the Canadian, but Wolverine really did look like he seriously missed the outdoors.

Several others nodded and echoed his sentiments, remembering out loud things like sunshine and a fresh breeze. "We do need to be careful, though," the Professor warned. "We can only beam down to a planet that is uninhabited. Otherwise we might be interfering with the natural development of a people."

"I have a question for the group," Beast began. "Let us suppose we are fortunate and we are able to increase our ship's supplies. As I said earlier, I look forward to receiving news of earth. But….what then? What will we do next?"

Iceman added on, "I have been thinking about this myself. I guess the question is: what is our long-term goal or mission?"

Storm shrugged. "We have not yet defined that. Maybe we should discuss this question now."

Cyclops took a breath, "Well, our short-term mission, at this point, is to increase our supply of dilithium and stay away from earth. As long as FOH has so much power on earth and we're all wanted dead or alive by FOH, we can't return to earth."

"Unless we want to live underground, always on the run," Jean added.

"I would like," Rogue began, "our long term mission to have something to do with rescuing other mutants. I got no idea how to do that."

"I had hoped that we might be able to monitor Acid Planet and continue to help mutants from there," Colossus said. "But ever since Friends of Humanity station three big starships there, we can't do this. Any tries at rescuing we would make would only get us captured again."

"Beside," Cyclops said, "we don't know if FOH is even continuing to execute mutants on that planet."

Gambit shook his head, "I always wonder bout dat. If you wanted to give someone a very painful death, there are plenty of ways to do it without taking the time and expense to go halfway across the galaxy."

"I hypothesize that FOH's plan all along might only have been to execute the more powerful mutants there," Beast said. "Such as Magneto and his group, Alpha Flight and us. After all, they killed all the Morlocks they encountered during the battle at the mansion. I do remember the guards a few times telling us they wanted to give us a special send-off, since we were `so mighty and powerful.' But perhaps less well-known, less powerful mutants they are killing using other, less expensive and time-consuming means."

Wolverine slammed his fist into the table. "I can't stand this. I hate sitting by while we know the bastards are out there, killing other mutants."

"I hate it too, Wolverine," Cyclops said. "But you know as well as I do that any attempts to go back to earth now would be suicide."

Storm added, "They have at least ten starships, we have one. And we can be very sure that they are looking for this ship, waiting for us to return. For us to beam down to the surface, we'd have to de-cloak, which means our shields would need to come down. As Cyclops said, it would be suicide."

Cyclops hooked on to Storm's words, "And I don't think anyone on the team could mentally deal with the trauma of being captured and tortured again. You read what they did to Alpha Flight when they tried to escape. We not only succeeded in escaping, we killed over 200 FOH soldiers. Can you even imagine what they would do to punish us?"

"They would invent new ways to torture us," Rogue said. "It would make Marie's report look like a day in the park. As if what we lived through the first time wasn't bad enough."

Nightmarish lines from Jeanne Marie's report swam through the X-men's minds. Beast idly began wondering. If he was forced by FOH to rape a teammate, he would refuse. He would even allow them to kill him first. But what if, as described in Marie's report, FOH started to use the collar on * her* and she began to beg you to end the torture and just do what FOH said? You would have to go along with it then.

Wolverine looked around the table. "I know what you guys are saying is all true. But I still am damn frustrated about this. I hate running and hiding, which is what we're doing."

Storm shrugged. "Maybe that's all we *can* do. We very well may have to keep running and hiding for the next 2 or 4….or 20 years, and we had better get used to it. Maybe we will never be able to return to earth. We might not like it, but we are a hated and oppressed people who are being hunted and killed. As Shaman would point out, we're doing what people throughout history in that position have done." She spoke her last sentence with particular passion, "We have no choice."

Cyclops added, "It doesn't mean any of us have to like it. It's just the way things are."

The Professor nodded, "I completely agree. And I still have not abandoned my dream that someday we can return to earth and improve things between humans and mutants. But I have come to accept that that might never pass, and if it does, it might not be for another 10 or 20 years."

"Or it might not be within our lifetimes," Jean said. "But we did our best when we were on earth."

There was silence for a few moments. Beast spoke, "So it would appear that our long-term mission might be to increase our dilithium supplies, avoid FOH, and hope the situation on earth improves someday."

Storm nodded. "Unless we can think of some ways to get past FOH and make a difference on earth without facing certain death or capture."

Beast hesitantly spoke up, "I do not wish to falsely raise expectations," he began. "However, I have been working on a device to neutralize the effects of the collar." Most of the team knew what he had been working on. "I had thought I was on the verge of a major break-through, but it did not work. Even though I hit a roadblock in my research, one day, however, I might be successful with this. That could give us the means to return to earth someday."

The thought did give hope to the X-men. However, until Hank succeeded – and he did warn the team that he might never be able to succeed with this -they had little choice. The group then resolved to scan the planets they encountered for dilithium. Their survival in space would depend on their supply increasing.

---

The four women sat on the floor in Storm's room in a circle. As usual for their ceremonies, candles flickered and the scent of sage burning wafted through the air. The women continued to meet like this fairly regularly.

"Does anyone have something they would like to say or start off with tonight?" Storm asked. She usually began by asking this question, and if no one wanted to talk, she sometimes tossed out a thought for the group to discuss.

"Yeah, I do," Rogue said. Storm knew Rogue well enough to know from the inflection of her voice that her comment would not be serious. "That sage smells fucking horrible and after all this time, I haven't gotten used to it!"

The group smiled and laughed. Jubilee piped up, "Can you tell me again why we burn the sage? I think you said it once but I was zoned out."

"It is for purification, Jubilee," Storm said, smiling.

"Um….those fumes like won't hurt the baby, will they?"

"No. This is just replicated sage and it can't hurt the baby. Real sage can be problematic, but this replicated version is harmless. Though if you have any concern we can always eliminate this part of the ceremony."

Rogue spoke up, "Oh, sure I complain about it for weeks and Storm demands we keep it in," her tone and smile told everyone her gripe was not serious. "Jubilee questions it once and then Storm's all ready to get rid of it!"

"But you guys," Jean began, "if we get rid of the sage, I think we're going to be losing any claim we have to calling this a `ceremony.' Since all we do is sit on the floor in the dark and talk."

Storm spread her arms and continued with the lighthearted teasing, "I offered once to invoke the gods and goddesses but Rogue just made a face at me!"

When the talk died down, Storm asked again if anyone had anything they wanted to ask or share with the group.

"I have something," Jubilee said. "I know I say this every time but I want to thank you all again for all the help and support you've given me. Especially Storm, but all of you are just wonderful."

The group thanked her and Jean spoke for everyone when she said, "I think you are very brave and you're doing a wonderful job healing."

Jubilee went on to say, "I have something else to share too. I know this might sound weird, but I am really looking forward to having this baby. It seems totally weird and I ask myself again and again why I feel this way. I don't know why, but I look forward to it."

The women nodded. Rogue had to bite her lip. She didn't get it at all. She hadn't totally written off the idea of motherhood for herself someday, but definitely not under those circumstances. She could not dream of bearing one of her rapists' babies, being forced to carry it, look at it, raise it…..

Jean said to Jubilee, "I wonder if your desire to have the baby has to do with…..a desire to nurture and give and receive affection."

Jubilee looked down and nodded. The desire to snuggle with someone was strong, and she'd heard babies were good for that.

There was another pause in the conversation, and Storm said to the group, "It has been several weeks since Alpha Flight departed. I wonder if anyone has any thoughts or feelings they want to share regarding that."

Jean said, "I hope they're ok. I just don't think they have much of a chance to make it, but I'm hoping they beat the odds and made it home."

Storm took a deep breath. "I still find myself….haunted by them. Maybe `haunted' is too strong of a word. But I feel so many emotions when I think of what Marie told us, the report she wrote. Fear is the main one. I am surprised to find myself so afraid but that is the predominant emotion I experience when I think of Alpha Flight."

"'Cause we could get captured again some day," Rogue added glumly.

"Can we not dwell on this?" Jubilee asked. She then looked chagrined as she turned to Storm, "I'm sorry. It's not my place to ask you to stop talking about this just because it makes me uncomfortable." She apologized again.

Storm shook her head. "I appreciate that you told us it makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps," she looked and Jean and Rogue, "just the three of us can discuss this sometime if we want to."

Rogue shrugged. "I actually don't want to dwell on it either, but if you wanna talk about how you feel about it with me anytime, then that's fine by me."

The group moved on to other topics. At one point, the conversation again came around to Jubilee's pregnancy. Jean wanted to share with them that she and Scott were trying to get pregnant but something held her back from revealing that. She didn't know what it was. `Maybe I fear if I talk about it with anyone but Scott, it won't happen,' she told herself. 'For all I know, we can't have children.' She was excited just thinking about becoming a mother and she wanted to share that with others, but she decided it would be better to wait.

She did have something else, though, that she knew she wanted to say. Since it was their practice to hop from topic to topic and discuss anything that they felt like, Jean brought it up at the next lull in the conversation. "I have something I want to tell you three," she began. "I just want to say how glad I am about our meetings. I really get something out of being around the three of you."

Storm, Rogue and Jubilee each nodded and expressed agreement. Storm added, "I am glad that I'm a woman. Because I just do not see the guys sitting around doing this."

There were a few smiles and giggles in reaction to Storm's comment, but Jubilee said, "But what about the ceremony conducted by Shaman? You gotta admit they were like really open then. I was surprised but they did it."

"Hmmmm," Jean said. "That is interesting, because you're right. But that was the * only* time they did anything like this. I asked Scott about it. I don't tell him anything that we talk about here, of course, but he asks me about our group because he can tell it really has been helping me and making me feel better. I suggested to him that the men do something similar but he said he couldn't see it happening. I think maybe the fact that our group ceremony had a facilitator – Shaman- was what helped the guys open up in that situation."

"And perhaps that we were there and opening up," Storm said. "Since we were the ones who made the first comments."

"So I don't know if it was our presence or the facilitator or what," Jean began, "but they can't-or they don't think they can-just sit around and open up like this without that."

Jubilee piped up, "Yeah, somehow I just don't see Wolverine doing that."

"I wonder if the things they * do* do are good enough to help them deal with the trauma. For example, they all really enjoy the Danger Room and working out. It reduces stress and physical tension that way. Perhaps they channel their emotional wounds out that way too." Storm paused. "Though I wonder if that's enough."

"I don't think it is," Jean said. "I mean, it is going to vary from one man to another. But Scott once told me something-and I think it's definitely true. He said that since most men don't open up emotionally with each other, often the only person they can go to is their wife or girlfriend. Assuming they have a good relationship. And I'm happy to do that with Scott-we tell each other a lot and support each other and everything." She paused. "But on this ship, Scott is the only one who * has* a wife or girlfriend."

They didn't do it intentionally, but Storm, Jean and Jubilee each shifted their gaze to Rogue.

"What?" Rogue asked, pretending to be peeved, noticing her friends' eyes on her. She knew why they had turned to her.

"So how are things with Gambit?" Storm asked.

Rogue smiled and looked down. "I don't know. I just fucking don't know what to make of this."

"What to make of what?" Jean asked gently.

Rogue took a deep breath. Jean and Storm had delicately been trying to get Rogue to talk about Gambit for quite sometime now. She hated to admit it, but they were right that she needed to talk about this with someone, and she had known for the past few days that the time was right. "I dunno how I feel about him right now," she finally stated. "I mean, it was good that he backed off when I told him to and all. We spent a lot of weeks just saying `hello' in the halls and that's it. That actually was good. But lately….I just don't know. I really don't know how I feel about him."

Jean hesitated. There was always a question of how much to state that she was aware of. She knew many of her teammates disliked the fact that she could pick up on their strong emotions, so Jean usually mentioned it only if the circumstances were right. She decided to go with her gut and say something. "Rogue, you know I can sense people's emotions when they're very strong emotions. It is a drawback of my powers that I can do so without even trying."

"So you gonna *tell* me how I feel about Gambit?" Rogue asked, one eyebrow raised. She tried to keep her tone of voice neutral and not put off Jean while still expressing a small amount of skepticism. It wasn't Jean's fault that she picked up on things like this. And the thing was, Rogue truly wasn't sure how she felt, and Jean's powers were always right…..

"I do have a strong sense of how you feel,' Jean said. "But if you prefer that I not talk about this, I won't."

"No, go ahead and tell me. I would like to know what you sense."

"I sense that you love him very, very much. The emotions you have when he's in the room-and even when he's not-are very intense. You love him intensely, but the intensity scares you."

Rogue sighed. She looked at Jean and then looked down again. "So I love him, huh?" she asked, trying to make light of it.

Jean smiled. "Ask yourself. Is that how you truly feel?" She added, "You don't have to answer now. Just think about the fact that I might be right."

"Your powers are always right. But why do I feel so confused then?"

Jean was encouraged by Rogue discussing this. She had avoided it whenever the topic had been brought up before. "Well, I have some thoughts as to why you're confused," Jean began.

"Go ahead. Tell me everything." Jean knew that despite Rogue's skeptical tone, the younger woman really wanted to know.

"I sense that you're afraid of getting hurt. Your love for Gambit makes you vulnerable, opens you up to being hurt and you desperately don't want to get hurt again. So you push him away." Jean added, "Or you keep him at a distance," to reflect the change in Rogue's behavior towards Gambit during the last couple of weeks.

"Okay," Rogue said, pretending to pick at one her cuticles and attempting to feign nonchalance. "That certainly makes sense." She looked up. "So what the hell do I do about it?"

Storm smiled, "My view is this. You must decide which you prefer: cutting yourself off from him and your love for each other, and therefore remaining unhurt. Or opening yourself up to it….and the possibility of hurt."

Jean nodded, "It's the price we pay for….for being able to experience love. When you love someone like that, both you and he are open to getting hurt."

Rogue didn't care for Storm and Jean's answers, and she lashed out, "Oh, yeah what the hell would * you* know about that? You and Scott never have any problems, you never hurt each other!" She came off a bit angrier and more aggressive than she had intended but was too embarrassed to offer an apology.

Jean smiled, "That's not true. We do have problems like any other couple. Over the years, we've found good ways to work through them though."

"Give me an example," Rogue said, arms crossed over her chest. "Please," she added.

"Sure," Jean said, with a shrug. She didn't mind opening up with them since they were all good at holding confidences and none of what she planned to say would be a shock to any of them. "When Wolverine first joined the team. He challenged everything Scott did in terms of leadership decisions, and he was openly hitting on me. I had to spend day after day reassuring Scott that I loved him and would never be unfaithful, and reassuring him that he was a great leader. This went on for a long time and after a while I was getting upset because he didn't seem to believe me….and I wasn't getting any support for any of my problems. He and I had to have a number of….heated discussions, or arguments, I guess you'd call them. But we talked it through. We just stuck it out and kept talking to each other even though there were days when I didn't even want to look at him.

"So," Jean paused, "it takes time and it's never easy. But I think you and Gambit could probably learn to work through any problems you might have too."

Rogue was quiet for a minute. She felt bad about having lashed out at Jean, and she was still mulling over Storm's words. "There's somethin' really comforting about not having to be open to getting hurt. I like it this way."

Storm smiled and said, "I understand. When my relationship with Forge ended, I also resolved not to be vulnerable like that again and to stay away from relationships for a while. It was comforting. But the trouble is that you get used to it…then you wake up one day and you feel lonely."

Rogue shrugged. "Loneliness is something I'm no stranger to. So maybe I just can deal with that."

"I think you could," Jean began, "if you weren't so in love with Gambit."

Rogue looked at Jean. "You're in a good relationship. What do you think I should do?" She didn't like having to ask Jean this, but the confusion continued to swirl around her mind.

Jean said, "It's not my place to offer you advice in your personal life. I think, though, that you might benefit from spending some more time with Gambit and being open to your feelings of love for him. But you must realize that you could get hurt."

Rogue nodded. "I have another fear though. You know how men are. If I start gettin all affectionate with him….you know what he's going to want. And I don't want that right now. I do, but I don't. I been having those feelings again now, but I know I don't wanna do it yet. If ever."

Jean was puzzled, "Can't you just tell him that you're not ready to be sexual yet and you don't know when-or even if-you will be?"

Rogue shrugged and muttered, "You know how guys are though."

Storm knitted her brows together, "But Gambit wasn't like that before, was he?" When they lived at the mansion, Storm had been Rogue's main confidant on relationship matters. "How long were you together when we lived at the mansion? And didn't…..well, forgive me if I am getting too personal but…." She let her voice trail off.

A light bulb went off in Rogue's head; she knew what Storm was referring to. She and Gambit had actually "dated" and been affectionate with each other for quite some time-maybe even a year or so-before they got sexual. Rogue had demanded they wait until she was ready-and, shockingly to Rogue at the time, Gambit had complied. Part of her had been thinking at the time that he would go away and find himself a real woman instead of waiting for her, but he never did go away. He waited for her. "You're right," Rogue said, and shared some of her thoughts with the group.

"If he was willing to wait then, why wouldn't he be now?" Storm asked.

"Especially given what you've been through and the fact that he loves you," Jean added.

Rogue looked at Jean, "Does he?"

"Does he love you?" Jean repeated. Once again she was pushed into murky territory. Was she wrong in sharing this? Again, Jean went with her gut. "I sense that he loves you very much, very intensely."

Storm smiled, "Even * I* could sense that, Rogue. Surely you must know that yourself!"

"I guess I do, in a way," Rogue said. "It's just….I dunno. No, I do know." She looked up. "I do want to be with him." Rogue sounded firm for the first time in a long time about this subject. She smiled. "I'll talk to him."

Jean couldn't suppress a smile. At last they had gotten through to Rogue. Now she had to hope that she was right and Rogue could deal with it, if she did indeed get hurt.

Jubilee had listened to the entire exchange with a sense of distance. She'd never had a boyfriend. She was jealous of Jean and Scott, and even of Gambit and Rogue. Sure, Rogue was cursed with her power that rendered her unable to touch anyone, but now that they had all these collars on board…. whenever the couple decided to touch, they could just use them. But Jubilee had no one. She reflexively touched her belly…..`Well, soon I'll have someone to love,' she reminded herself.

Rogue thanked the group. "Okay, this has been helpful. But I'm all talked out about my love life. Anyone else have something they wanna share?"

Jean spoke, "Can we go back to something we brought up earlier? I'm worried about the guys. Just given that most of them don't have anyone to talk to and Shaman's gone now….I worry they might need an outlet, other than the Danger Room."

"Well," Jubilee began, glad that she could relate somewhat to this topic, "is it true that no one of them except Scott have anyone to talk to? Like, Bobby and I talk a lot. He shares things with me. And I think he and Beast do the same." Jubilee smiled, "`Course Bobby's probably not going to have the same hang ups about sharing emotions as the other men."

Jean nodded, "And now that you mention it, I do think that the Professor and Beast are pretty close. Maybe they talk about things too. The Professor sometimes confides in Scott and me too, but it's not the same as we're doing since he's more like a father to us."

"So that leaves Colossus, Gambit and Wolverine," Jubilee said.

Rogue looked thoughtful, "Well, I said I was gonna start talkin with Gambit more. Maybe he will wanna open up with me."

"It's the last two I worry about," Jean said, "especially Wolverine. Colossus has always kept to himself and I sometimes sense he's ok with that. But Wolverine…." Her voice trailed off. She felt she had already been too risky today with breaching other people's confidentiality. Of course the fact that Wolverine had a somewhat tortured soul was not exactly front page news to anyone.

"What about Wolverine?" Jubilee asked. "I'm worried about him too. He-I always felt like he's been like an Uncle or big brother to me. It really sucks to see him in emotional pain so much."

"Well any one of us should be able to talk to him," Rogue said. "He's always been a good friend of mine and of you, Storm. I don't know if he'd open up to you, Jubilee given that you're like his little sister, but maybe he would." Rogue turned to Jean.

"I never know if he likes talking to me or not," Jean said. "I sense so many emotions from him." She sighed, "I know he still loves me, and sometimes I think spending time with me is painful to him because of that. He did open up with me a little bit the other day, but….but it wasn't enough."

Storm shrugged, "Well, allow me to propose something. Each of us can look for opportunities to talk to him and see if he wants to open up. We can each make an effort, and if he doesn't want to, then he doesn't want to." Storm paused. "I must also add….I am glad to help any friend in need. But I want to point out that we're all acting in a very typical female way, wanting to help and nurture the men."

"What's wrong with that?" Jean asked, keeping her tone straightforward and not angry.

"Nothin'," Rogue said, "`cept Storm has a point. Shit, we suffered a lot more than they did."

"They have all been very supportive of us though," Jean said.

Storm spoke, "I'm not trying to make it into a contest of who suffered more. I simply wanted to point out something I'm observing about our behavior. If we want to nurture and support the men, I think that is fine. But we need to make sure our needs are met as well."

The women agreed. Rogue looked forward to speaking with Gambit.

---

That evening, Gambit was working out in the gym with Wolverine and Beast. He was starting to share Wolverine's restlessness. It seemed that most of their teammates were enjoying life on board the ship. After so many years of fighting, living this way had some appeal as the days settled into comfortable routines. You could learn and practice all you wanted to know about the ship's functions, you could work out for hours on end in the gym and Danger Room, you could play computer games and cards and shoot the breeze with your friends without interruption. Gambit had really enjoyed this respite for a while….but part of him was getting sick of the tediousness. At the same time, he understood the reasons why returning to earth now would be impossible.

`Course this little vacation would be a lot more fun if Gambit's girlfriend would spend some time with him,' he thought to himself.

Almost as if on cue, Rogue entered the gym. Gambit had been taking a break, guzzling water as he paced. Wolverine and Beast were making short work of the simulated foes they were encountering in the Danger Room.

Upon seeing Rogue, Gambit's mind instantly went to his scruffy appearance. He was drenched in sweat, his hair flying in every direction. He was wearing gray sweats this evening instead of his usual form-fitting costume. On any given day, Gambit's appearance could be described as unkempt, but he put effort into it and knew that women found the look appealing -sexy and slightly dangerous. That evening, however, he knew that he merely looked disheveled.

"Hey Swamp Rat," Rogue called to him as she walked over.

"Chere. How are you?"

"Just fine, sugar. So is there a sauna in here or didja decide to just bathe in your sweat?" she teased, noting the perspiration stains all over his shirt.

"Hey, Gambit spent the evening lifting weights before he defeated Sinister and the Nasty Boys in the Danger Room."

Rogue lifted her eyebrows and gestured for Gambit to flex his biceps. He did so, and she smiled as she appreciatively squeezed the muscles. Her omnipresent gloves protected him from her skin. "Not bad, Cajun, " she said, her voice sweet and hinting.

Gambit's head reeled. She was clearly flirting with him, like she used to do in the old days. Ever since the X-men had gained control of this ship, she had gradually been more like her old self as time passed. But this was the most like the old Rogue-the one who was in love with him-she had been.

"They might be nice, but I'll never be as strong as you are, chere," Gambit admitted.

Rogue was quiet for a bit and she got a serious look on her face. "Say, Remy," she began, "you wanna talk with me sometime? I—uh-got some things I wanna say to you. I mean, talk `bout with you."

"Gambit can talk right now, Rogue. I ain't got any appointments on my calendar this evening," he said, with a laugh.

Rogue playfully poked him in the stomach, "Great, but wouldja shower first? Since you're practically dripping sweat all over the floor."

Fifteen minutes later, Rogue sat on the bridge with a freshly-showered Gambit. The bridge was a good place to have a conversation with someone, its many windows allowing people to look out into the vastness of space, the blackness with shining stars interspersed. The view was breathtaking. It also afforded them privacy; it was unlikely that someone would just stumble onto the bridge since the infirmary was still the center of activities.

"I feel so small when I look at the stars out dere," Gambit said. He sat next to Rogue, each facing the giant picture window.

"Me too. But I also feel kinda….free. I'm damn sick of earth. I like it out here."

"Gambit likes being away from earth. But Gambit getting' a little bored here too. No big deal though. Things could be a lot worse."

Rogue swiveled her chair a bit so she faced Gambit. She hated eating crow but she knew what she had to begin with, "Gambit I'm sorry I treated you so badly before. I was a jackass, and I'm sorry."

Gambit's heart began to pound. He had never expected her to apologize. This was an incredible sign. "Is no problem, chere. Gambit knows you were hurtin. I jus be glad that you look like you feelin better."

Rogue shrugged, "I dunno whether I'll ever be totally better, Remy. But now I think you were just trying to help."

Gambit took a deep breath. "Gambit loves you, Rogue. I jus want you to be happy."

"I know, Remy." She looked him straight into his beautiful eyes, his damp auburn hair tied into a ponytail against the back of his neck. "I love you too. God it scares me to even say those words but that's how I feel."

Gambit gently reached for her hands and pressed them to his lips. Her words felt delicious to his ears.

"But I got somethin else to say, Gambit," Rogue began, removing her hands from his lips. "I don't know if I'm gonna want sex again. I might not. If we were back on earth, I would tell you to go and get yourself someone else because I think you deserve better." He started to open his mouth and protest, but she shook her head. "Now I realize that we're on a starship and you can't exactly go get yourself someone else. But I wanna be clear about this. Cause….I feel a strong desire to…." Shit, why did this have to be so hard to say?, "…to hug you and touch you and all. But I dunno if I want sex. So I need to tell you this, Swamp Rat, so you can decide if that's ok with you or not. If it's not, then I think that's cool too. We can just be friends. And if it is ok with you, then I wanna be able to hug you and all. But if you make a move on me and I ain't ready for it, I'm gonna punch you into next week!" It didn't quite come out how Rogue had wanted it to, but she was glad she said it all.

Gambit started to say something but Rogue silenced him by holding her hand up. "Maybe you wanna think about this for a while, Remy and that's fine by me."

"Chere, Gambit's got nothing to think about," Gambit said. "I love you. Dat's all dere is to it. I want to be with you, in whatever way you'll have me."

"But Gambit…are you sure you want a girlfriend who…who don't wanna have sex? Are you sure that's gonna be ok with you?"

"Yes, Gambit is sure. And, chere, you said you do want to hug and things like dat. I would be more than happy to do dose kinds of things cause I miss touching you."

"But remember that I might not want to ever do anything * more* than that. Are you sure that's gonna be enough for you?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," Gambit insisted.

Rogue took a deep breath. "I don't understand, Remy. You're a very, very….um, sexual person. How can it possibly be enough?"

"Rogue," Gambit said intently, "why can you not believe dat Gambit loves you? When you love someone, you want to be with dem on * dere* terms. I want to be with you." He paused, "Gambit knows you have been through a lot. I feel sick when I think of what dose damn soldiers did to you. I feel angry and sick over it. So I understan that you might not ever want sex again. But Gambit loves you and wants to be with you, whatever your terms are."

All the intense feelings welled up inside Rogue. How could anyone really love her this much? No one before in her life had. She strongly wanted to believe it but it seemed too good to be true. But then she remembered Jean's words. Gambit truly did love her.

Rogue slipped off her chair and embraced Gambit. It was difficult to do with him seated, so he stood and faced her. She nestled her head against his shoulder, carefully turning her face away from his skin. The warmth and tenderness of the embrace was incredible. She forgot how good this felt. She didn't mean to, but she moaned from the inexpressible joy of touching someone she loved. Their touch may have been through layers of clothes, as it always was, but it still felt indescribably good.

---

Our card game in the infirmary wound down that night and Hank, the Professor, Colossus and I slowly disbursed. I was musing that it was kind of nice to play without Gambit since he tended to be so competitive and usually won, when who should enter the room but the Cajun himself?

I could tell right away that he was happy about something-and I had a good idea what it was-as soon as he spotted me. He asked me to come talk with him, and we went off to his room so we could have some privacy.

"Well, you look happy over something," I said, smiling.

"Gambit is walking on air right now!" He began. He went on to describe his interaction with Rogue that evening.

"Wow, that is *so* good to hear!" I said. "I'm really happy for you. See, I knew she just needed some time, really."

"Well, you were right, Bobby," Gambit said, smiling.

I had something I needed to tell him and I really couldn't think of a subtle way to say it. Picking up on subtlety isn't exactly his strength either, so I just decided to plunge in. "Um….Gambit, you know you really gotta pay attention to what she said about not rushing her. She really might not ever want to have sex again. Are you sure you're ok with that?"

Gambit looked a tad exasperated. "Why everyone question dis? Do I come across as some sort of sex-obsessed ladies man?"

I smiled and said, "Well…."

"Very funny, Drake."

I shrugged. "I don't mean it as a put down. You do kinda have this aura about you….you know, you're suave, everyone knows you've-um-been around the block a bit. You do come across as a ladies man. But, really, Gambit if you do ever push her and she's not ready-I have no doubt that she will give you a black eye like you've never had before. You'll ruin everything and never get her back."

"I know," Gambit said. "Dis is gonna be very hard for Gambit. I am gonna need to use every bit of self-control I have, but I can do it. I'm sure of dat. Besides, when she and I were together the first time, back at the mansion….well, let's just say we were `together' for a long time before we ever took off our clothes together."

I hadn't know this and was a bit surprised. "Really?"

"Yes. I think almost a year went by before she was ready for dat. So if I could do it den, I can do it again now." He smiled and shook his head, "`Dough I will say dat bein with Rogue has taught me a lot about patience."

"Maybe that's a good thing," I said.

He smiled, "You're right dat I been around the block in the past. I'm older now though."

I nodded. "Hey, I just thought of something. We have all these collars on board the ship. You can use them to kiss each other-I mean, if she wants to, of course."

"Gambit asked her about dat. She said she'd think about it. She said she didn't wanna wear the collar again and I can see why. But maybe she will want to. When we were in dat cell on dat awful first night here, we kissed a lot and she really, really liked it. She told me dat today."

'If she ever does want to have sex with you, she can wear the collar and you two can do whatever you want."

"Gambit has thought of dat," he said with a smile.

"The question, though is * if* she ever wants to."

"I know, I know." He paused. "What a great day dis was," he mused, his head tilted upwards. "Hugging her again felt so good. Gambit felt so alive. I never been in love like dis before." He paused from his reverie and looked at me. "So what about you, Bobby? You poor thing, out here in space with no one to give you any lovin'." His tone was teasing, and fortunately there was no innuendo in it as there had been that night he was drunk.

"Yeah, I got nothing but 6 straight men and 4 women on this ship. A gay guy comes on board for a bit and -bam, he's gone in like two weeks!"

Gambit chuckled. "Maybe we'll rescue another gay mutant."

"If there even is another," I muttered.

"Gambit does feel bad for you, Bobby. Must be lonely. Too bad you don't like women. Jubilee used to have the biggest crush on you, and maybe she still does."

I shrugged. "It's lonely but I'll survive. Not much I can do about the current situation, is there?" I sighed, "I guess I'm not the only one who gets lonely too."

---

The starship approached the first planet in the new solar system. Keeping the ship's cloaking device on, Cyclops guided the ship into the planet's orbit. Storm, Beast, Wolverine and the Professor sat on the bridge with him, though most of the other X-men were monitoring ship's functions via the monitor. Everyone was very curious.

The Professor activated the ship's sensors and scanned the planet. The computer worked for several minutes before producing a report. At last, several lines of data began appearing on his screen. "There are life forms on this planet," he said, looking at the readout from his monitor. "Humanoid life forms, and they are very numerous, scattered throughout the planet's landmasses. This planet is very densely populated."

"So even if they have dilithium on this planet, we can't take it," Wolverine said. Silently he cursed. He understood and agreed with the logic-it would not be right to steal the dilithium from a planet filled with inhabitants. Still, it was disappointing.

Beast frowned. What a tough situation they were in, especially for someone with a scientific mind. He would have leaped at the chance to study more about the life forms on that planet-but if they studied the people at close range, making contact with them, they would be disrupting the natural evolution of the humanoids. Studying the life forms from afar was not practical; it would keep them from finding more dilithium. Since gathering dilithium was their top priority, they would have to continue on to the next planet without learning anything about the humanoids.

The Professor continued to read the computer's analysis, "This planet also has two moons but neither has dilithium."

"We might as well set a course for the next planet in this system," Cyclops said. "We should be there in two or three days."

---

The next day, Wolverine sat in the infirmary, working at the computer. Boredom had compelled him to get on the computer and see what he could look up on the topic of martial arts. Beast spent the better part of his days doing research on childbirth and on the collars, but he was taking a break.

The door to sick bay slide aside. Without having to turn his head from the screen, Wolverine needed only to sniff to determine who entered the room as each of his teammates had a different scent. Even if he didn't have his augmented sense of smell, his enhanced hearing enabled him to pick up on differences in the way people walked, the sounds of their shoes hitting the floor.

He did, however, turn his head to pay respect to the person entering the room, to be able to look at her as he greeted her.

"Hi, Wolverine,' Jubilee said.

"Hi, kid," he greeted.

"I didn't expect to see you in here. I just came in for a snack," she said, as she made her way to the food replicator. She had to stifle a giggle at the sight of Wolverine sitting at the computer. It just wasn't how she usually saw him.

Wolverine was glad to hear her saying so many words. The Jubilee of only a few weeks ago might have mumbled a `hello' at best.

"What are you making?" he asked as she began pressing buttons on the replicator.

"I'm going to have an orange and carrot sticks. I hate healthy food but Beast and Storm are always reminding me I should eat healthy for the baby. I know they're right so that's what I've been doing. You want some too?"

"No thanks," he muttered. "Is the stuff from the food replicator as healthy as the real stuff?" he wondered.

"I asked Beast about it. He said that it's not quite as healthy as, say, fresh fruit and vegetables but it's still good for you."

As the replicator worked to create the foods Jubilee had requested, she pulled up a chair and sat down near Wolverine. "So, do you know the latest on the search for dilithium?" Of all the X-men, Jubilee had been the only one not riveted to monitors when they had scanned the planet's surface.

"The latest I heard was that we should be at the next planet in about 4 days. The plan is to move at slower speeds since that uses up less dilithium."

"But I don't get it…I thought we had enough for like two years."

"We do, kid. But if we don't conserve as much as we can, the two years will be up before we know it." Cyclops had recently issued an order that the Danger Room section of the gym would now be in operation for only three hours every day. Grudgingly, Wolverine had to admit it was a good idea as that was one of the biggest energy guzzlers. They could still work and train using the rest of the equipment in the gym. Plus the time limit really forced everyone to maximize their time in the Danger Room.

In addition to shutting down the Danger Room for periods of time, all life support and power had been turned off in areas of the ship that weren't being used. Aside from the bridge, engine room, sick bay, meeting room, gym, personal quarters, and hallways that connected these places, the rest of the ship was sealed off and dark now.

"I guess you're right," she said. Her snacks were ready now, and Jubilee began munching on the carrot sticks. The conversation died down and Wolverine turned back to the computer. Jubilee wondered if this might be a good time to ask him how he was doing and see if she could help him, thinking back to the conversation the women had had at their last ceremony.

But before she could express concern for him, he surprised her by turning back to her and asking, "How are you doing, kid? Have you been feeling alright?"

Jubilee shrugged. "I've been ok. I'm sick sometimes in the morning, but from what I've been reading it could be a lot worse." She smiled and decided it would be best to leave out some of the details such as her frequent need to urinate and her sore breasts. She had shared those changes with the other women. She added, "Though everything I've been reading tells me I can to look forward to swollen feet and ankles, heartburn, possible hemorrhoids and a bunch of other fun stuff."

Wolverine looked intently at her. "Actually, I meant emotionally," he said.

Jubilee couldn't help but to smile at his concern. She still was one of the few team members who was able to bring out Wolverine's soft spot, and she knew it. "I'm ok. Once I made the decision, Jean is always reminding me to look on the positive side, and she's right. And I really like the idea of going against the stupid Mutant Sterilization Act. Beast, Storm and I meet regularly to talk about what we've learned and share ideas. He's the best doctor and she's the best coach in the world." She shrugged, "Things could always be worse."

Wolverine's facial expression remained the same. From all the years she'd known him, Jubilee was fairly good at reading his body language. She surmised he was in a mood worse that his normal sullen mood, but not drastically worse. She swallowed and asked, "So…how are you doing? Are you ok?"

Wolverine nodded, his eyes far away. "Yeah. I'm fine, kid." He turned back to the computer and resumed working on whatever it was he'd been doing, clearly indicating that the conversation was over.

Jubilee munched on the carrot sticks. She wasn't terribly surprised that he didn't want to open up to her. As her surrogate uncle, he wouldn't want to burden her with his troubles. She'd be one of the last people he'd talk to that way. She could only hope he knew how much she cared about him and would be able to confide in someone else if he needed to. `Who am I kidding?' she asked herself. `He's not gonna open up to anyone.'

---

Our search of that solar system's planets was not exactly a resounding success. There were 12 planets and 22 moons in the system. During the next four or five weeks, we discovered that only one of the planets and one of the moons met our criteria: a supply of dilithium which was nowhere near where any life forms were located. Unfortunately, the dilithium amounts were very small. We beamed it aboard and, in the engine room, processed the substance until it was usable. All told, we gained enough dilithium to power the ship for roughly 5 weeks. It was better than nothing, but it wasn't very encouraging after all that searching.

We hoped that we might encounter an uninhabited planet which would have breathable air and pleasant outdoor conditions, so that we might experience fresh air and nature. I guess it was a fantasy we were clinging to, and a fairly unrealistic one too. The uninhabited planets routinely had unbreathable air and/or harsh conditions. One planet had enough oxygen that we could have breathed its air, but the temperature on the entire planet was freezing cold, sub-zero. Our fantasy vacation land was just that….a fantasy. Even if we did find such a land, though, the prospect of us beaming down and spending time there was looking more and more impractical. Both using the transporter and landing the ship took energy, and energy was becoming a very precious commodity.

So we set course for the next solar system. Maybe we would have better luck there, but we refrained from letting our hopes get too high or entertaining any notions of beaming down to a tropical paradise.

"If our luck does not improve in the next solar system," the Professor began one evening as we sat down for dinner, "then perhaps we should circle back and head more towards earth."

"Maybe dilithium is more common to our area of space," Cyclops speculated.

"I wonder if this next solar system will be more interesting than the last," Jean said. "None of the planets inhabited by humanoids in the last system had people who were….technologically advanced enough that they had starships or space stations."

"It is possible that we might encounter that as we move through space," Hank said. "Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing who might be friendly and who will not be. This could be a good reason for not straying too far from earth."

"But we're cloaked, right?" Rogue asked. "Doesn't that protect us?"

"Yes, but we have no way of knowing whether we'll encounter a people who have advanced technology and can detect our cloak," Hank reminded her.

I looked around the table. There were a few grim expressions, but I honestly wasn't all that worried. The group had discussed this at length during many previous dinners. All we could do was hope for the best and believe there was dilithium out there and we'd find it. If worse comes to worse, we do have options. We can turn off the cloaking device since it uses so much power. If we get to the point where we're desperate, we either find a planet that is inhabitable and settle there, or head back for earth and go under cover. We're all strong and powerful. One way or another, we'll make it.

Hank and I had re-checked our supplies and, with all the energy-saving techniques that had been implemented on the ship (in addition to closing off sections of the ship, we lowered the temperature of the sections we used-people regularly wore sweaters and gloves) and the small supply of dilithium we'd attained, we still had enough to last us an estimated 19 or 20 months. With something like this, though, it was difficult to get a precise measure of how long supplies would last. I did regret some of the unnecessary things we had replicated, like extra clothes. However, the biggest energy guzzlers were the Danger Room, cloaking device, and life support.

"Well, I have some news for everyone," the Professor said, smiling. "Back on earth, it is Christmas time. I wonder if there is any interest here in celebrating the holidays together?" The Professor always loved Christmas.

Jean clasped her hands together. "I would love to! Maybe we could replicate a tree and some decorations. If we keep it small, it won't take up much power at all."

The room suddenly felt ten degrees warmer and almost….festive. Most of the others smiled and nodded; they seemed to like the thought of celebrating the holiday. I liked it too. Wolverine was the only one who had a decidedly unenthusiastic look on his face about doing Christmas.

"Maybe each of us can pull one name out of a hat and get dat person a gift," Gambit suggested. "If each of us replicate only one gift, dat won't take up too much power. Especially if we keep `em small and not complicated."

"And maybe not every gift needs to be an object," Jean suggested, "We could give each other coupons, for like a back rub or something." She paused and smiled, "I didn't mean anything sexual by that." We all giggled over that.

We talked around the idea and people, myself included, got enthused. Except Wolverine, of course. When Jubilee implored him to get with the program, he smiled and agreed to take part in the grab bag. "I guess I'm out numbered on this one," he said.

Each of us drew one person's name that evening, and I got Hank's! As a group, we didn't decide whether or not to keep the name of the person you drew a secret, but we talked about different ways people could specify what they wanted. The Professor and Jean both laughed together during the discussion of whether to keep the name of the person you drew a secret. As telepaths, they each knew who had pulled their name. Jean even said, "Hank, I'll give you a list of what I want, ok?" Hank smiled good-naturedly.

We talked about exchanging gifts on the day which was closest to the Christmas on earth. It would be 10 days from now on board our ship. Gambit's Cajun cooking back at the mansion was always a big hit around the holidays, I'm told. He had been disgusted with the replicator, saying its food never tasted anywhere near the real thing, but he agreed to prepare another holiday Cajun meal this year. When dinnertime was over that evening, the mood on the ship was downright celebratory, for most of us at least. Worries over our dilithium supply had dissipated.

By dinnertime the next evening, a very small tree adorned sick bay. It was tiny and at risk of getting stepped on, but we all understood the need to conserve power. Jean and the Professor had replicated a few ornaments and some garland.

"We're thinking of having the tree trimming party tomorrow at four," Jean said. Wow, she was positively glowing. She looked excited and thrilled, which I thought was cute. I mused that it was amazing what the holidays can do to some people.

Cyclops looked equally excited. "Anyone who'd like to attend, please show up," he said.

Rogue smiled, "With that small of a tree, if all of us show up for the party, we'll be done decorating in 5 minutes!" The group laughed.

"We'll just have to go really slow," I joked. "Take turns, one person at a time will slowly walk from the door to the tree and put the ornament on."

We continued joking along those lines, and the mood was pretty merry.

When the food replicator was done preparing dinner, Hank and I got up and brought the serving plates over to the table. When we were seated again and people started passing plates, I noticed Jean and Scott exchange a look.

"Jean and I have something to announce," Scott said, smiling from ear to ear.

Jean added, "We had wanted to wait till everyone was done eating, but I just can't wait another second!" Jean looked absolutely blissful and excited, and as if she were about to burst out of her skin.

"We're pregnant!" Scott said.

Pandemonium broke out. It was clear to everyone that they were elated, and everyone forgot all thoughts of food.

The Professor actually started crying, he was so thrilled. He was nearly speechless. Jean and Scott both went right up to him, exchanging hugs and kisses with their foster father. When he finally spoke, he said, "I've sensed for a few days now that you're really happy, but I didn't want to be nosy…." I'd never seen him so choked up.

Basically, we all got up and exchanged hugs and congratulations with the couple. I hugged and kissed both members of the pair, and they both hugged and kissed me right back.

Jubilee was so happy that she got as teary as the Professor had. "My baby will have a playmate!" she exclaimed.

"I know!" Jean said. "I think it'll be wonderful….They'll be best friends…."

"Jean and Scott, I am so thrilled for you," Hank said. "And I think I'm going to open my own OB-GYN practice," he added.

"You already have!" Storm joked.

The mood during dinner was just exhilaration. It was clear to everyone that Scott and Jean really, really wanted this baby and were really happy about it, and everyone just picked up on their vibe. Some of the team were too excited to eat. Any worries I may have had over Jubilee being jealous (given that their baby was a planned one, hers wasn't, etc) were gone-she was enthusiastically talking to Jean and Scott about what they might expect during the first trimester. Jokes were made about returning to earth in order to stage raids on maternity clothing stores and ToysRUs. We speculated as to whether the baby would have both its parents' powers or just one. We wondered whether the baby would have red or auburn hair.

In retrospect, I think I can see why everyone was so thrilled over the news. I mean, it wasn't just because Jean and Scott were. I think part of it had to do with the fact that we are a hated, oppressed group of people whom others are trying to wipe out. The prospect of two babies among us gave us hope for the future. It also gave a big finger to the Mutant Sterilization Act. Let them try to "exterminate" us, we were just going to keep on reproducing and making new leaders of the X-men!

Oh. Not everyone was happy. He did try to be a sport about it, which I was surprised by. He awkwardly embraced Jean and even shook Scott's hand while mumbling "Congratulations." After he ate, though, he said a curt goodnight and left the table. That was maybe even a bit more than I would've expected from him though.

I would've gone after him and tried to lift his mood, but Wolverine didn't really talk to me. He was polite and all to me but we just weren't best of friends. I knew he wouldn't open up to me, so what would be the point of expressing concern? He did have friends on this team though. I guessed that Storm and Rogue might've been his closest friends, and I hoped that one of them might talk to him and offer to help.

Though I also think that some people just like to brood and aren't good at being happy.

---

"Sugar, guess who's name I pulled tonight?" Rogue asked Gambit that evening, talking about the holiday gift exchange. They sat together on the bridge, holding hands. Often they spent their evenings together looking out the window into space, talking about whatever was on their minds.

"Who?" Gambit asked.

Rogue gave Gambit quite a smile.

"Was it Gambit?" Gambit asked, excitedly.

"Yes," she said. "So….any thoughts on what my favorite Swamp Rat wants for Christmas?"

"Chere, all I need is a smile and a hug from you, and Gambit be on cloud nine."

"You charmer," Rogue teased, pinching one of his cheeks. "You get that from me every day." Rogue spoke the truth; the couple regularly played cards, worked out and spent a lot of time together, and they usually said goodnight by hugging. They always held the embrace for a long time. But she had not been kidding when she said it would be a while before she would be ready to do anything more. She had been content with the physical contact they had had, so she'd not initiated anything else. "Now think of something else," she told him.

"Hmmmm…." Gambit said, his mind entertaining several delicious thoughts. "Well, if you want, chere, your present to me could be to allow Gambit to give you a massage."

Rogue raised an eyebrow. "What areas of my body were you thinkin' of massaging?"

"Shoulders and back, maybe. Unless you want me to work on other areas."

Rogue considered his idea seriously. "I would definitely want it limited to shoulders and back. But…is that you seriously want your present to be, sugar?"

"Yes."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You better * just* be talking about a massage, Cajun, and nothing more than that. Are you sure you'll be able to keep it in your pants?" she asked, taking a pointed look at his groin.

Gambit smiled, "Gambit remembers dat you promised to punch him into next week if I ever try anything you haven't approved. So I will have to stop dere if I value my life."

"You bet, mister," she said with spark. She then considered. "Well, if that's the gift you want, that's what I'll have to get for you. So….when do you want to do this?"

"The Professor says we supposed to change gifts in 10 days, over my Cajun dinner. But Gambit thinks dis maybe we don't want to do in sick bay."

"I agree. Maybe we should do it after the holiday dinner."

"Sounds good to me, chere."

That evening, as every evening, they hugged each other goodnight for a long time outside of Rogue's room, before parting.

TO BE CONTINUED