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Legolas and Gemma's Search Party

"So how long does the courting for an Elvish marriage take?"

"Umm I'm not sure, I've err never courted someone before." Legolas sudden felt this extreme compulsion to run – very fast- in the opposite direction. However his common sense stopped him from doing this, from the look on gemma's face, she would kill him if he tried.

"That's real sweet, so do you love anyone?" the compulsion to run was becoming even stronger, feeling a bit hot under the collar, he tried to subtly change the topic.

"So, dwarfs are short aren't they?" so much for Elvish intelligence.

" You're in love with GIMLI!" okay, that hadn't turned out the way he had planned.

"No!" Legolas shuddered at the thought, "a dwarf? That is gross! Umm, did you notice the tallness of the trees? Err…" Gemma sighed, when talk ran out it was time for actions.

So Gemma pulled Legolas into the bushes and made Legolas change his mind about running away.

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Real life interlude.

Occh!

Ouch!

OWWW!!!

"Stop hitting me!" Real life Gemma was experiencing some real life pain at the hands of some, unfortunately, real life people.

"As if that would happen Gemma! And how could you do that to me? I'm not evil! Okay, maybe only on Tuesdays."

"Gimli! Gimli! Alanna, could you pass me that knife?"

"Certainly! Give her an extra stab for me! Legolas is mine! Mine!"

"Hehehe, nothing bad has happened to me! I don't even know who this Boromir is!"

"SHUT UP! I'm the author and I will do what I want! And if you don't like it I will marry all of you off to copies of Gimli and you will all have children that resemble Michael Jackson … AFTER THE SURGERY!"

Silence…

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Sarah and Boromir, I wonder what they are doing…

Sarah, not too concerned for Alanna's well being (was anyone?) had taken this opportunity to continue her work on Boromir. Critically she examined her work. The robe was okay; it didn't look TOO Harry-like though. At least his beard had been shaven but something was missing.

"The HAIR!'

"Pardon?"

"You need BROWN hair! Now…how to make a brown hair dye…." Leaving a very confused Boromir behind, Sarah collected a combination of rabbit droppings, dead leaves and some strange looking berries and made a hair dye. Without warning to the poor Gondor man, she duped the concoction on his head and instructed him to massage it into his head.

Oh, it worked all right but the smell made you reconsider if it was REALLY worth it.

Happy with her efforts and with a plan to find a broomstick, Sarah happily skipped off, dragging Boromir with her.

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Sam and Rosie, should we have really left them alone?

"So, you're evil huh."

"Apparently so"

"Barney evil or Boromir evil."

"Oh, I haven't been told yet. Ask Frodo, he's the one who knows the most about my evil tendencies."

Sam and Rosie grinned at each other in mutual agreement.

"So, he would be really jealous is if said I liked you, huh Rosie?"

"You betcha by golly by jeez he would."

"You don't get out much do you?"

Their gossiping made them unaware of the direction they were taking and without warning, Rosie and Sam found themselves in a large net that was quite high off the ground.

"Mr Frodo isn't going to be happy."

" Miss Rosie is not going to be happy if you don't remove your elbow from MY EAR!"

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Hannah and Pippin's fun filled adventure.

It was the chance he had been waiting for, finally his evil plans would come into fruitation.

"Would you like an apple, Hannah?"

"No thanks, I'm on a strict junk food diet."

Okay, perhaps there was a delay in the plans.

"An orange then? Some rabbit? How about a slice of ham?" this caused Hannah to give Pippin a curious look.

"Ham, orange and rabbit? Where are you hiding these foods?"

"Wouldn't you like to know! You could look for them on me if you like!" this comment would give Hannah nightmares for quite some years afterwards.

"Listen Hannah, I've got a proposition for you. Obviously you're too smart to fall for my trick to poison you. So I might as well ask. Merry and I's sex life is lacking some flavour. Would you like to be that spice that brings back the love?"

Blinking once, blink twice a look of comprehension descended upon her.

"You were trying to poison me! What a jerk! A gentleman would have hit me over the head with an axe! MEN!" with a toss of her head Hannah pranced off into the forest with a vow not to talk to Pippin for quite some time.

"But you didn't answer the question … did you even HEAR the question!?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet you all wanted to know how Alanna is?

After running in the wrong direction for a while, she was caught by Elves from Lorien. Gladly, they took her to there home and gave her many male Elves to play with.

HA!

That's my fate!

In truth, Alanna was dangling off the edge of a cliff; only her two hands were stopping her from plummeting to a very messy death. And there was NOT a river underneath her!

It was then that Aragorn found her, just in the nick of time. Being the manly man he is, Aragorn hauled her over the edge and into his arms.

"Oww! My arm! I think you broke it, you idiot!" Alanna was not a happy chappy, dangly off a cliff was an inconvenience to her schedule. Managing to find her sense of direction, Alanna stalked off in the direction of camp.

Aragorn was still sitting on his arse with on thought on his mind.

"I saw down her dressie!"

Sigh, adolescent boys.

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Alanna, still anger and so totally over Aragorn, stalked throughout the forest, totally ignoring her surroundings.

"Alanna! Help! We're up here! ALANNA!! Could use a bit of help! Hey! Where are you going!?"

"What crawled up her arse and died?" muttering under her breath, she reached into the very fuzzy bits of her vocabulary that held all those words that shouldn't be said in public…and she said them!

"Hi Alanna! Look at boingir! That's your name right? Doesn't he look cool! Alanna?"

"What crawled up her arse and died?" never had she been so furious, flames were before her eyes. The look of murder of her face sent all manner of beasts running for the undergrowth.

"Alanna! Whatever you do, don't talk to Pippin, he is so inconsiderate. Poison is so last year, don't you agree? Alanna?"

"Hannah! There you are… hey, what crawled up her arse and died?"

Finally she reached her destination, reaching in to the bushes she pulled out a very flustered Gemma much to the protest of an equally flustered Legolas.

She pulled Gemma up by the scruff her collar and looked her in the eye (with the eye with the flames and anger in it). Slowly she raised her hand and held her fingers and inch apart.

"This big, Gemma. It was this big."

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