Disclaimer: Final Fantasy X-2 and its respective characters belong to Square, and because I'm not Square…sadly, I own none of it. I guess I own Anyata, though.
A/N: Fixed up all the crap that needed it and put the Al Bhed translations in. (Lots of thanks for the suggestions!) If two guys kissing isn't your thing, you might not want to read this. The first part of this chapter takes place in the present, while the rest of it's in retrospect. From now on, whenever I switch to the past, it'll say it near the dashes that break up the sections.
Thanks to: Slash Fanatic (Even if you do review every story you read, it's still muchly appreciated.), Mashimaro-Byul-012, Gravity, JokaJoker (Yeah, he was crazy all right! But he honestly believed that what he was doing was the right thing. Wow, he really was nuts.), Hidama (Thanks, and I think your story rocks.), Nicky, Wai-Aki (Thanks for the Al Bhed suggestion. It reads way easier now!), Bbchan (Yes, you can get a translation of the Al Bhed through the link in the ch. 2 A/N notes, but now it's in parentheses for maximum Anti-Pain-in-the-Arse Protection.), Nanashi2, Isarandel, and Capitan Shibby (NUUU, not my eyeballs!! XD But Gippal's missing one, and he seems to handle it quite fine!).
Chapter Three – Realization
Darkness. It surrounded him, made him forget where he was. Then he felt the scratchy cot beneath him and the woven cloth of Baralai's coat and remembered. The airship. Gippal had initially thought that the ship would reach unbelievable speeds, but apparently, he was wrong. The grating snoring of Nooj seemed to confirm this. Perhaps the ship had suffered a malfunction of some sort and needed repaired? He would ask in the morning.
There was too much blackness coating everything for Gippal to actually see Baralai's restful face, but he had observed it enough to fill in the gaps by now. Baralai's lips would be gently parted, because his mouth never hung open like Gippal's or was clamped shut like Paine's while they slept. He wasn't prone to snoring like Nooj was or yelling odd things at night like Gippal was.
Baralai did, however, wake up with tears on his face some mornings. Fortunately, this was a rare occurrence for him, at least as far as Gippal knew. After these mornings, Gippal had to make him take it easy. There was something else, though… Baralai did talk in his sleep. They were soft whispers, fading into the air. To a person not as familiar with Baralai as Gippal was, they would mean nothing, a mass of assorted nonsense. But Gippal knew that Baralai was recalling his past days, most often the ones spent with him.
There was a slight rustling of fabric, and so faint Gippal could hardly hear it, Baralai breathed, "…Kiss me…"
So Gippal did. It was only a light brush of their lips, but it was enough to make Gippal content, at least for the moment. He knew that if he applied even a little more pressure, Baralai would open his eyes, and the temptation would become crushing, even with Nooj right there.
And Gippal had an outstanding mental image of just how Nooj might appear after waking up to that.
Light sleep was a symptom of freezing desert nights, when the survivors of the Crimson Squad had regularly switched watches. Vulnerability resulted from deep sleep and had been considered to be unacceptable. No matter how many times Gippal had tried to tell his body to quit believing this after the training was over, it continued to ignore him. He still woke up to any noise, loud or quiet.
This had bad and good sides to it. Having to wake up was normally an annoyance, but waking up to Baralai's delicious mouth was not.
Before letting sleep carry away his consciousness again, Gippal had a fleeting thought about something. The first kiss they had shared. It had been after Baralai had saved his life.
--- Past:
"– amnit…waking up…" Gippal heard someone mutter. …Nooj?
The misty colors sharpened into the faces of Baralai, Paine, and Nooj. They were peering down at him. He was on the ground?
"Baralai, Paine, hold him down," Nooj ordered, rooting in his backpack for something.
"What?" Gippal mumbled. Something was really wrong with this… "What are you –? Rumo cred! (Holy shit!) That hurts!" He was now fully aware of everything, including the burrowing pain in his side.
Paine pushed down on his chest, and Baralai moved to lift Gippal's head into his lap. Before he had a chance to even comment on this, Nooj was peeling his blood-soaked shirt up and had what looked like a needle in his hand…
"FRYD?! (WHAT?!)" He had never been known for his fondness of needles or other sharp things.
Gippal tried to thrash, kick out his legs, anything, but Paine didn't budge, and neither did Baralai. He clasped Gippal's hand in his own, a strong grip, like he was bearing the pain and fear with him. His eyes were downcast regretfully.
"NO! Just leave it in there!" he pleaded. "Nooj, I swear –"
The pain was so intense, like his side was being ripped open, that for a second, he couldn't even shout. Just soundlessly drop his jaw.
"Cover his mouth, Baralai. He's going to scream." Nooj's voice held a hint of concentration, and it was then that Gippal realized he was actually digging in his side, most likely for the bullet.
Nooj wasn't wrong. Raw noise tore from his throat, only to be stopped by the shaking hand over his lips. He threw his head back and felt Baralai there. He saw brown eyes clenched shut, teeth gritted…
It stopped. Gazes locked, and Gippal could feel the suffocating sorrow in Baralai's.
He didn't really remember much after that. The needle began to weave in and out of his skin without an anesthetic of any kind, causing him to shut his eye as tightly as he could again. Things happened blocky, in fragments. Voices melded together, oozing, like drying wax.
"It's going to be okay…"
"Almost done…"
"Stop moving around so much…if you can…"
"Baralai…are you shaking…?"
"Just a few more stitches…"
"Just like him…to get shot…"
None of the voices were his.
"There. Done."
There were no more hands holding him down, and he was free to move, but resting his head in Baralai's lap was very comforting. He was too exhausted to do anything but lie there and allow fingers to course through his hair. His throat was sore from screaming, he was incredibly embarrassed, and he discovered with horror that he had been crying – in front of everyone – for the second time that day.
With some help from Baralai, he staggered to his feet and found that the throbbing in his side was still quite prominent to the point that it felt like knives were stabbing that area. He gasped under his breath, not wanting anyone hear. But, of course, Baralai did.
"Gippal…?"
"I'm fine," he forced out. "Unngh."
"Look at this." Nooj gestured them over as he returned supplies to the backpack. "I had a little something to numb the pain, after all. However, it still wouldn't have been enough to stop all of the pain."
Gippal gaped at him. "You… You… This was revenge for the gull shit, wasn't it?!"
Nooj chuckled. "No, if I wanted revenge, I would have left the bullet in there. Oh, and here…" He strode over and plunked something in Gippal's palm. "Consider it a gift."
He examined it. A small, dark object… The bullet. "Thanks." His voice was laced with sarcasm. "I will treasure it forever." But he dropped it in a pocket just the same.
"Grateful as always." Paine sighed in an exaggerated manner, though the smile on her face told him that she didn't really mean it.
"Hey, Paine," Gippal grumbled. "Cut me some slack. It freaking hurt, okay?"
"Believe me, I know," she replied. "I had to hold you down."
He could feel his face burning more and more with each passing moment, so he tried to glance down to hide it, but he knew it was hopeless. "Um…thanks." He scratched the back of his head and looked away. "Especially you…Baralai."
"You would have done the same for me…" Baralai murmured. "And besides that…should you be thanking me for killing someone? It was wrong. I know it."
"Your first?" Nooj asked.
"Yes."
"Don't expect to keep your hands clean if you want to live," he advised. "There will be many more dead after that one."
"I don't want it to be like that," Baralai protested. "It isn't fair…"
Nooj let out a short laugh. "You know what they say: 'Life isn't fair.'"
"That doesn't mean people have to be that way," Baralai shot back. "And what's so funny?"
Nooj's face creased in amusement at Baralai's anger, and he turned away, walking toward the houses.
Gippal wondered where they were going, but he didn't ask, because he had too many other things to say as it was. "It wasn't wrong, Baralai. It was for defense. That man was a monster… And the funny thing is, he probably thought the same of me. Who's to say what's wrong and what's right? In his mind, he must have figured what he was doing was the right thing… The Al Bhed are nothing but insects to be crushed to some people. I'm surprised they haven't invented some kind of pesticide to kill us all."
He knew that they were staring at him, without words, but he didn't care.
"How many people have you killed, Gippal?" Baralai questioned as they followed Nooj.
Suddenly, he was worried. "Will you think any less of me if I tell you?"
"No, I couldn't."
"Well, then…" He inhaled deeply, then let the air trickle out. "Countless people, mainly in small battles to stop raids like that one. It was for defense every time. My first was when I was ten. That time, it was some little girl whose life was on the line…" He shook his head. "I had to kill him. I had no choice. And I would do it again without hesitation."
"So would I, for you." Baralai smiled in that slight, gentle way of his, which somehow always made Gippal feel this pang of something.
He knew what that something was. Telling himself it was just from feelings of friendship was no longer a possibility. A person who was only a friend of Baralai's wouldn't want to drag their lips over his dark skin, nip at that kissable mouth… He shuddered just thinking about it. But Baralai was certainly no girl, so the risks were higher. How would he react if he found out how Gippal really felt about him? Would he be shocked or disgusted? Maybe all he wanted was Gippal's friendship. There was also the other option, and it was so wonderful that he almost couldn't comprehend it. To be able to hold him close and tell him anything that he wanted to…
"I've never killed anyone… I'm not sure what I'd do if –" Paine turned her attention to Nooj. "Where is he going?"
---
It turned out that Nooj had no idea where they were going, either.
"I assumed you would know somewhere we could go," he explained.
"Well, Nooj –" Gippal paused and grinned slyly. "– you know what else they say besides 'Life isn't fair': 'When you assume, you make an ass out of –'"
"I know, I know," he interrupted, clearly annoyed.
"'You and me,'" Paine finished.
Nooj rolled his eyes skyward. "Thank you, Paine, for that most outstanding performance."
"And what an impressive performance it was!" Gippal declared, making minute clapping noises and bowing at the same time.
"I think there's enough sarcasm here for us each to have a slice."
Gippal beamed at Baralai's remark. "In that case, give me the pie, 'cause I want to smash it into Nooj's face…"
He and Baralai both stopped walking, and Gippal knew they were waiting for the same thing.
"Brats…"
Their laughter was simultaneous, blended together.
"I've never actually heard either of you laugh apart," Paine noticed.
This seemed to cut the laughter off in an amazingly abrupt fashion.
---
Gippal's fist stopped just before hitting the door. He looked over at the others. "She should still live here. Old woman is pretty set in her ways." Then he knocked and called, "Anyata!"
"Es lusehk! Fyed, bmayca! (I'm coming! Wait, please!)" someone yelled from behind the door. There were muffled mutterings and also a great deal of shuffling after this.
"Anyata!" he exclaimed, holding his arms open wide as if expecting a hug.
She was a short, pudgy woman with gray hair bound up in a bun and very astonished green eyes. Gippal noted that she still had the same blue-and-white-checkered apron and enormous ladle, which now clattered to the floor.
"Gippal!" she cried, accepting his invitation for an embrace. "Dryhg kuuthacc oui'na rana! Yht yd y desa mega drec! (Thank goodness you're here! And at a time like this!)" She peeked past Gippal's arm. "Oh. Who are you?"
"Baralai, Paine, and Nooj," Gippal introduced, pointing to each of them respectively.
"I shouldn't let you in as a form of protest against the Crimson Squad using our desert like they own it and then disrespecting our people," she stated matter-of-factly.
Gippal cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Anyata…?"
"I'm not serious, you crazy boy. Come on in." She stooped down to pick up the ladle and ambled back to the stove.
They walked in but stood there awkwardly, with the exception of Gippal, who immediately snatched a stool and slouched with his chin on his arms.
"Do you have any open rooms?" he asked.
The old woman rinsed off the ladle and plopped it back into the pot on the stove. "Three. The fourth is being used by Neona."
"How is she?!" Gippal was bolt-upright on the stool now, mouth open in surprise. "Livia –"
"I'm aware. Neona saw her." Anyata pinched some spices from a couple of cans and sprinkled them into the pot. "I should have been expecting this. She was a pretty girl. It still doesn't stop it from hurting."
"I'm sorry." He felt that the words didn't cover enough, but he did mean them. The guilt and pain were so thick that he could have choked on them.
"No. You're injured. You have done enough."
A quizzical look passed over Gippal's face. "How do you know that? I didn't even tell you."
Anyata shrugged. "You winced when I hugged you." She turned and eyed the somewhat uneasy guests. "You can make yourselves at home, y'know. Sit down…" She appeared to be pleased when they slowly made their way to the table. "We have running water here for showers and such. The Al Bhed are nothing if not innovative." Anyata squinted at Nooj. "What a strange decoration you have."
Everyone but Nooj cracked a smile at this.
"I wouldn't bring that up if I were you…" Gippal suggested. "Dra kimmc druikrd ra fuimt syga yh aqlammahd duemad. (The gulls thought he would make an excellent toilet.)"
"E caa… Dannunewehk kimmc ykyeh? (I see… Terrorizing gulls again?)" She began to ladle soup into bowls. "Soup's done. I can't deny you food or shelter, although I am angry that these maesters are risking the lives of children in this training operation." She leaned against the counter with her hands on her hips and sent Gippal a rather pointed look.
Gippal paused with the spoon frozen halfway to his lips. "I can't help but think that's directed at me."
"It is. You're only sixteen, Gippal."
"He lied about his age," Nooj spoke up, sighing heavily, as if Gippal was some kind of trouble he couldn't dismiss.
"Gippal!" Anyata shrieked. She clutched his cheek and yanked it away from his face with a bruising force. "Fryd ryja E dumt oui ypuid moehk?! Ed'c pyt! Pyt! (What have I told you about lying?! It's bad! Bad!)"
"Ow! Anyayah, leh go uh mah fay!" he shouted, sounding like he had a mouth full of pebbles. When she released it, he rubbed his sore cheek and glared at Nooj. "You got beat up a lot as a kid, didn't you, Nooj?'
Nooj just smirked into his spoon. Typical.
"And you and you –" She pointed at Paine and Baralai. "How old are you? Did you lie about your ages, too?"
"I'm sixteen," Paine told her, "but they hired me knowing that. There was no age restriction for recorders."
"Eighteen," Baralai said when she looked over at him.
"Huh." She studied him more closely. "You have a babyface."
Even with Baralai's dark skin, Gippal could tell he was blushing.
"Well, I'm at least glad that they stuck you with a forty-year-old."
And that was when Gippal choked on his soup.
---
Gippal poked his head in the room hesitantly. He was going to ask Baralai if he could room with him, because everyone else was sleeping, and besides, being in the same bed with Nooj would be more repulsive than cramming slugs up his nose. But Baralai was looking at something in the flickering candlelight, tracing his fingertips over lines that Gippal couldn't see. He seemed to be captivated. Gippal was as well. He could have easily stood there and watched him for another hour or so.
"Baralai?" Gippal tentatively tried to get his attention.
Baralai was startled and dropped whatever it was in his hands in an almost guilty manner. He had an odd expression on his face when he glanced up at him, Gippal thought, and he wondered why.
Oh. His hair. It was down because of the shower he just took and must have looked strange. That had to be it.
Stepping over Baralai's discarded coat, boots, and ties, he bent over and picked up the slip of paper Baralai had been gazing at. It must have been interesting, and maybe it was none of his business, but he could just pretend to be giving it back to him.
It was a black-and-white picture. Of a small boy with a bandage over his right eye and a stuffed cactuar in his arms. He had light, unkempt hair and a bit of a bewildered expression. His remaining eye was impossibly large, reflecting so many things…
It was himself.
"Where did you find this?" he asked, barely hearing his own voice over the pounding in his chest and ears.
Baralai had been so taken…by a picture of him?
"In the drawer," he answered in a low voice, avoiding his gaze. "Is it you?"
"Yes. I…" Why did his mouth feel so dry? "I gave it to Anyata. I figured if anyone deserved it, it was her. She practically raised me. I lived here for a short time, helping her and Livia with the inn."
"You should…get into bed," Baralai suggested. "It's late."
Gippal had an idea of how to satisfy the curiosity that had been plaguing him for a good amount of time. "I will if you agree to tell me more about your past, seeing as you already know so much about mine."
Baralai's eyes reflected suprise, but he agreed nonetheless. "All right. But you'd get in bed even if I didn't agree."
Gippal smiled. "You're right." He set the picture next to the candle, undid the straps of his boots and peeled them off, unbuckled the strap that held the armor on his shoulders, and tugged off the yellow straps connected to the covering over his pants, consciously aware of Baralai surveying his actions the entire time. When he got to the belt and stripped it off the extremely loose pants, he earned a pair of eyebrows rising in response.
"You wear too many clothes," Baralai commented as he scooted over to make room on the bed for him.
Gippal grinned. "Look who's talking."
"Heh. Touché."
He climbed into bed, gripping the waistband of his pants tightly so that they wouldn't fall down. His hands pulled the thin, coarse inn sheets over them both, and he rested his head back comfortably on the pillow, staring at the ceiling.
"My parents weren't killed by Sin like you might think," Baralai began, evidently finding the ceiling as entertaining as Gippal was. "I was very young at the time when my parents' marriage began to crumble. I'm not sure why…he was so…rough with us –"
Gippal started slightly and turned his head to face him.
He continued despite his reaction. "– but my mother eventually grew tired of it and found someone else. My father was never around, making excuses all the time for his absences, so it wasn't hard for her to pull off. One day…" He paused, breathing in and out audibly. "One day, he caught them…and killed them both. Then he left, without another word to me or to anyone else. He was found a year later and put in prison. I haven't seen him since… It's possible he died." The words came out faster now, tripping over one another. "I didn't know when I saw. I thought it was spilled wine –"
Baralai was cut off when Gippal rolled over and gave him a light embrace. "I'm…so sorry…"
"It's fine. I'm fine. It's all right, really."
Gippal was close enough to feel him swallow.
"As long as I can hate him… That's why it was better that I killed that man. If you had killed him, it would be harder for you to hate him…"
"I know. He was the person who cut my eye all those years ago…" Gippal had a hard time removing himself from Baralai's warm body, but managed to move to his side of the bed. "I know you're right."
"He did that to you…?" Baralai questioned in disbelief. At Gippal's nod, he closed his eyes. "Then I hate him, too, for all the pain he caused you."
Gippal observed the patterns the candlelight made on Baralai's face and rubbed at his eye patch. It was usually a real pain after bathing, an unwashed piece of fabric on clean skin.
"Why don't you just take that off?" Baralai asked him.
He sighed in return. "Because it's ugly."
Baralai opened his eyes again. "You could never be ugly… If it's bothering you, you should take it off."
His eye widened, and he could barely restrain a noise of surprise. Unless he had heard wrong, Baralai had just given him a compliment on his appearance… Still, he was convinced it looked terrible. On the other hand, it now irritated him even more. "Well…" His fingers curled around the strap, and he pulled it over his head. Suddenly, he couldn't meet Baralai's eyes, couldn't bear the look of judgment that he was sure he would get for doing this.
Gippal was about to bury his face into the pillow to escape complete embarrassment when fingertips touched his chin and guided it upward. Warm lips pressed into the scarred tissue where his eye once was, and then they ghosted away…
He was stunned. Beyond stunned. Was sure he was now gaping like an idiot. But how else was he supposed to react?
"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking," Baralai apologized in a rush of words.
"No…" Gippal was suddenly finding this situation to be not such a bad thing after all. "Baralai… Has anyone ever told you that you say sorry too much?"
It was like something had seized him – nervousness, anxiety…but another thing, a kind of heat pooling throughout his body. It was this heat that urged him to cup Baralai's face with one hand and to comb through his white hair, still damp from showering, with the other. Hundreds of voices were screaming at him, telling him that it was too great a risk to take, but he blatantly ignored them all and caressed Baralai's lips with his own. Then Baralai let him, was opening his mouth and kissing him back, and the voices of doubt hushed.
Baralai tasted fresh and sweet, even though they all had had to scrub their teeth with water from their canteens and sand while in the desert. There was also a hint of the spicy soup they had gratefully eaten, and Gippal aimed to remember it all. Baralai's kisses neither took control nor gave it away. They were exploratory, his tongue lapping at every tiny crevice, including ones Gippal wasn't even sure he possessed. Dizziness closed in on him, forcing him to break away for air.
"That was…really nice…" Gippal panted, not feeling particularly choosy about the words that tumbled out. His mind was being hijacked by an overwhelming need to stroke that tan skin again…
Baralai's hands were resting on Gippal's hips poking out of his loose pants, and they slid up smoothly so that the pads of his thumbs brushed up against nipples. Gippal gasped, squirming uncontrollably under Baralai's touch, a little surprised at his sudden boldness. He watched the pulse in Baralai's neck beat and then closed his mouth over it, sucking and nipping a path up to a soft earlobe, which he licked slowly. Baralai moaned quietly and began pressing fervent kisses to Gippal's neck. He ran his tongue over the edge of his collarbone, dragging in air when Gippal bit down on his ear and started to suckle on the skin. Baralai's chest was smooth and lean, Gippal noted with appreciation. His hands went lower, skimming over his navel and taut stomach…and Baralai pulled away.
"We should stop," he whispered, reaching for Gippal's wrists.
"Why?" He wasn't hurt, just desperate for more contact.
"Because if we don't…" Baralai looked away. "I never kissed a boy before now. I wouldn't…know what to do. I've never even given myself away to anyone completely. And besides, this is the first time I've ever kissed you…"
"I've never done this with a guy or been all the way, either." Gippal pressed a kiss into Baralai's neck and murmured, "So I know how you feel."
Baralai appeared to be taken aback. "You never have?"
"Why is that so hard to believe?" He grinned. "Do I rub off as overly sexalicious or something?"
"No!" Baralai laughed, releasing his hold on Gippal's wrists. "You just seem…very extroverted."
"I am only sixteen," he pointed out, smiling. "I've had less time to lose my virginity than you."
Baralai's lips curled into a smile as well, joining the thoughtful expression on his face. "Sometimes I forget that's how old you are."
They were quiet for a moment, and Gippal used this time as an opportunity to regain his normal breathing rate.
"I'm tired." A yawn. "Good night, Gippal…"
Gippal pushed back the hair on Baralai's forehead and placed a kiss there, forcing himself to avoid any action that had even the slightest chance of making him want to commence Operation: Ravish Baralai.
Another moment of silence.
"G'night, Baralai."
He closed his eye and fell asleep to the sound of Baralai's breathing.
---
A/N: Next chapter: A sandstorm occurs. And Gippal decides to take another shot at Operation: Ravish Baralai. XD