Xmen: Friends of Humanity

by Stormkpr

The first book in my trilogy. FOH are taking over earth and the X-men must fight back. WARNING - contains some disturbing scenes; not suitable for children. COMPLETED

16. Chapter 16

Leigh's Fanfiction Archive Stormkeeper's Fanfiction Friends Of Humanity Chapter 16

Friends of Humanity

By Stormkeeper

Chapter 16

Warren Worthington was the most angst-ridden he'd ever been. What made matters worse is that

he had no one to turn to. For the past three years, Betsy had been his confidant. `But I've lost her,' he thought to himself. He despaired of ever getting her back.

The Professor had offered to listen to Warren if need be, but Warren was not about to open up to him or any of the other X-men. Everyone was bone tired, working during all their waking hours of the day. Everyone had their own problems and a big enough burden. All he could do was hope Betsy would change her mind and agree to seek help from the Professor.

Betsy's behavior continued to be extremely erratic, and she was so far removed from the old Betsy he'd known. On any given day, she would spend her entire day crying. The next day she would appear just fine (and have no desire to discuss the previous day.) The day after that, she would yell and scream all day. She never, however, seemed to have a good grasp of her surroundings and she certainly never had any idea to resume training as a fighter. Anytime Warren brought up the idea of her receiving counseling from the Professor or Moira, Betsy refused. She was an eerie sort of shell of the woman he'd known and fallen in love with.

She was also extremely distant. On one of Betsy's better days, she had hugged and kissed Warren but that had been the extent of her affection. She never returned his "I love you" 's anymore, and she usually yanked his hand away if he tried to hold hers. Obviously, they had not made love since before they had been imprisoned by the FOH.

However, one day Betsy had marched into their room after dinner and grabbed Warren. She demanded that they have sex, right then and there, and she had started tugging at his clothing. Warren had been shocked, but his instinct told him to go along with her. He tried to, but was physically unable to-----her behavior was so bizarre, it almost seemed to him like he was dreaming the whole thing. Betsy had slapped him, dressed herself, and stomped out of their room.

Some nights she made Warren sleep on the floor. Other nights, she left their room and where she went, Warren had no idea. He never could find her. And on a tiny handful of nights, she gently pulled him towards her and cuddled against him as they fell asleep.

One day, we had finished up our morning training sessions. I was to spend my afternoon on some of the administrative work that needed to get done, while the rest of the X-men were to work with our new "recruits." But lunch was first, which I was glad for since I was starving. We had meals at structured times, so I joined a steady stream of people who were heading for the mess hall.

Once in the dining room, we all lined up by the food replicators and each got our own lunches. I spotted Storm and Wolverine sitting at a table by themselves. Storm made eye contact with me and waved me over. I gladly went over to their table.

"It's so weird," I said, setting my tray down and settling across from Storm and Wolverine. "I can't quite get used to all these other people on board the ship, when we had it to ourselves for so long."

Storm nodded. "It does take some adjusting to."

"I don't like seein' all these mutants being so….disciplined," Wolverine said. "Look at `em. You don't see them fighting or acting out much, like I would expect. We set up a schedule and they stick to it."

"I am also surprised at how docile they are," Storm said. "However, perhaps it is normal for people who have spent months inside such a prison. After following such a rigid and structured daily pattern for so long, they cannot get used to the fact that they could….act out, if they wanted to. Many people are creatures of habit."

"Maybe we shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth," I said. "I think it would be way worse if they were always fighting and not going along with us."

"Speaking of fighting," Storm began, "we've been training a handful of mutants for about two weeks now. What are your impressions?" She directed the question towards Wolverine since I wasn't working so much on the training.

Wolverine sighed. "I gotta remind myself to be patient with `em," was all he said.

Storm nodded. "I also remind myself that it is too early to get disappointed with their progress. My first instinct was that I am unimpressed with how their training is developing at this point, but they need more time. We are used to working with the X-men and we need to remind ourselves that training takes time."

"Not too many of `em have the kind of powers we do," Wolverine said.

I knew he was right. As a general statement, most mutants, it seemed, looked different or had some other sort of quirk but very few had the sort of powerful abilities of the X-men. You don't often meet mutants who have healing factors and adamantium claws or those who can control the weather. "Very few of `em look like they're gonna make great fighters." Wolverine continued. Storm opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "I know, and I agree with what you said. But this is my reaction after a few weeks. Except for Marrow, though. I think she'll make a fierce fighter."

I nodded. I'd worked with her a few times, training alongside her. "She does seem very tough," I said.

Storm smiled. "Bobby, she asked me if there were any other gay mutants on board."

I nodded. "She told me she is."

"I thought you might be happy that you are no longer the only one on board, since I would imagine it could get lonely."

I shrugged. Man it felt weird to be nonchalantly talking about this with Wolverine sitting right there. He didn't seem to like mind or anything as he took a bite of his meal. "I guess it's cool," I said. "But Marrow sure seems like she's the polar opposite of me. I can't say I get a warm fuzzy from her or anything like that."

"She certainly has a hard shell around her. Which is only natural, given what she has survived at the camps," Storm said. I kinda wondered how she could talk about it in a detached way, as if she hadn't lived through it herself.

Wolverine spoke, "She shows more promise than any of the others. And if she ain't exactly warm and friendly, who gives a damn?"

Storm took a breath. "I do worry, though, whether she'll uphold some of the principles that the X-men adhere to. I----"

At that point, two of those who Storm and Wolverine had been working with came up to our table and started asking them some questions. Our conversation was over.

"It is so nice to be somewhere where people don't snicker openly when I walk down the street or yell obscenities at me." Panda spoke these words as she and Hank ate dinner together inside one of the ship's meeting rooms. They had been training two of the other rescued mutants to keep watch over sick bay and contact them should an emergency arise. This allowed them to slip away from the infirmary for an hour or so at a time. This particular day, they elected to eat dinner in a place where they would not be faced with the interruptions of the mess hall.

Hank nodded. "I imagine it is hard to get used to."

Panda smiled. "I could get used to this pretty easily." She then turned somber. "In the camps, of course, the guards never let an opportunity to tell us that we're disgusting and evil slip by. But even before then, I couldn't walk down the street without getting laughed at or harassed."

"I think you will find that to be a great benefit among our fellow mutants. Most of them accept us for what we are and do not care about our appearance. I truly love other mutants."

A question popped into Panda's head. "Do you like being a mutant?"

"Yes," Hank answered, without hesitation. "Being a mutant has allowed me to experience many things that I otherwise would not have---such as all the adventures with the X-men and the many times we contributed to the greater good of humanity. And the friendship and community we X-men have. Though many in the team would not admit it, we are a closer-knit family than most biological families. It is priceless."

Hank paused and took a swig of his drink. "What about you, Jessica?"

"You mean---do I like being a mutant?"

Hank nodded.

Jessica shrugged. "I can't really say that I do because I haven't experienced those things you spoke about. Not too long ago, I would've thought the very notion we could * like* being this way was crazy. But now maybe….maybe on An'zhina, we mutants can make it our own society and we can have those things like community and acceptance. Maybe it could turn into a good thing for us."

"I have very high hopes for An'zhina. I think we can have those things. After what we witnessed on the Paradise planet," Hank began. He had mentioned the Paradise planet to Panda before, "we have seen that it is possible for people to live together in non-violence and peace. I think we mutants ---and those others like Moira who are supportive of us---can also create a community like that."

"Wow," Panda said, her eyes wide. "What a neat concept. Maybe some good can come out of all this." She then looked down at her plate. "But part of me feels guilty for thinking those thoughts when all the other mutants back on earth are suffering so much."

Hank nodded. "Guilt is a normal, human reaction. But logically, we know it is not our fault. We are working to rescue them and we will be alleviating their suffering."

Panda nodded. "No sense beating ourselves up for not being able to be everywhere at once." She absentmindedly stirred her tea with one finger as she rested her head on the other hand and looked up. "Hank," she began, "why are we this way?"

"Why are we mutants?"

"Uh-huh. What's the purpose of it all? And why us?"

Hank shrugged. "We are mutants for the same reason that some people are left-handed and some others have two different colored eyes. It is the same reason that some people are white and some are black, some are heterosexual and some are homosexual. It's genetic variation."

"But what does it all mean? Someday, is every human on earth going to be a mutant?"

"Theoretically, it is possible. However, if that does happen I do not envision it occurring for many, many years."

"That would be weird if everyone were a mutant. But it would be nice too. We could go back to earth and not be hated." Hank nodded and Panda continued. "I often ask myself why this had to happen to * me*. But I guess you'd just say it's luck of the draw, huh?"

Hank replied, "The evidence I've seen does indicate that the mutant gene appears at random. Except, of course, for those who have a mutant parent or parents and therefore have a greater chance of inheriting the gene."

"I know that what you're saying makes sense. But I gotta believe that there's a purpose to it all, and a reason why….why I look like this." Panda held her furry, clawed hands out in front of her. "A purpose other than giving the kids I went to high school with someone to torment every single day."

Hank looked at the pain that flashed across her eyes. She was a woman used to burying pain, and he speculated that, calm and centered though she might appear, there was hurt underneath. How could there not be? He suddenly was inspired to reach across the table and clasp her hand. The furriness against his own coat felt unusual and it felt surprisingly good. "We must each ask ourselves if there is a purpose and what that purpose might be." Hank felt the warmth from her hand against his own. "Perhaps our purpose has to do with teaching others some lessons in acceptance of others." The longer he held her hand, the more he realized that he did not want to relinquish it.

"If that's the case, I missed on that one," she said, shaking her head. "Maybe it is just a genetic fluke that we ended up this way." She wanted to say more, wanted to add that if so many mutant women are beautiful, why did she end up with * this* sort of mutation, this appearance? She was about to add that when Hank's communicator sounded.

"Dr. McCoy, can you come to sick bay?" asked the mutant named Ramon. He was one of the ones who was keeping watch over the infirmary in their absence. "Two of the guys were injured playing basketball and one of them says his ankle is really, really hurting."

"I'll be right there," Hank replied, removing his hand from Panda's. Their dinner was over.

It was the end of another exhausting day. Well, I guess I shouldn't complain too much; things could be a lot worse. We'd gotten the new crew members on a decent schedule, most stuck to it, and there really weren't any major crises. Sick bay was eventually clearing out as most of the women were physically recovering from their ordeal. But I was still tired.

I think the worst parts of the day were bridge duty. You really just had to hope that you were paired with someone you liked, since the two people on bridge duty didn't have much to do but sit and talk. Fortunately, I could find things to talk about with most of my fellow X-men. Of course Hank, Rogue, Storm and Gambit I got on with the best. Colossus and I never ran out of things to talk about and he'd give me Russian language lessons, which I still enjoyed. Sometimes it was awkward to sit there with Wolverine, given my crush on him and that he was often not in a….pleasant mood. But on his good-mood days, we'd find stuff to talk about or he'd have me practice my karate moves and instruct me.

That day, I served on bridge duty with Angel and, like the moment he'd set foot on board the ship, he was preoccupied with Psylocke. He and I had never had much to say to each other. During our first life with the X-men, my opinion of him was: rich snob. He, in turn, hated the practical jokes I used to play on people and I'm sure he suspected I was gay. He had ripped on gay people more than once in my presence. (Now if he were to do it, I would not sit there quietly as I had before.) Sitting with him on the bridge for so many hours was mind-numbingly boring and I simply played computer games, while checking my monitors every minute or so. He sat staring into space. Every now and then we'd attempt to start up a conversation but eventually we'd just give up.

Our shift was over after dinnertime (one of the crew members brought us our meal), and Hank beeped me soon after. He just wanted to know if I wanted to hang out with him and maybe brush his coat out. I was glad to, especially since I knew I'd get a backrub in return. : ) So off to his room I went.

At first, Hank didn't seem to be in a talkative mood, so I did all the talking for him. I sat on the bed underneath him with one of his big legs draped over me. I brushed out the fur. "I'm still ticked at Nightcrawler," I said. "I know he's entitled to his own opinion. But what the fuck is with this talk of * forgiving* the Friends of Humanity?? After all they did to us? And shit, how many mutants back on earth are they still torturing?"

"Kurt is practicing his Christianity," Hank said. "A fundamental tenet of his religion is forgiveness. He is trying to exercise it the best he can."

"Well, whatever. He can be gentle sometimes, but other times he just borders on self-righteous and it really gets annoying." I paused, then went on. "Well, I guess it sounds bad for me to rag on a nice guy like Kurt. After we had our disagreement on the bridge, he checked in with me a few days later to make sure there were no hard feelings. That was pretty cool of him. He's mature. But I just can't deal with this forgiveness crap. Sometimes I think we are way, way too nice to not be killing them. They sure have no compunction about getting rid of us."

We talked a bit more along those lines. I brushed out Hank's other leg. When he'd been completely groomed and my arms were sore, it was time to switch. I sat on the floor, and he sat on the bed behind me as he rubbed my neck and shoulders. Then Hank surprised me with something out of the blue. "Bobby," he began, "I think I am developing some feelings for Panda."

I digested that for a second. I guess I should have seen that coming, but regardless, I was shocked. Shocked. "Really?" I asked, finally.

"Yes." I could hear the happiness in his voice. "I think she is…incredible. She's compassionate and caring, and so brilliant. She picks up things so quickly. We have discussions for hours on end about science, and about philosophical questions. But in addition to being able to connect on that level, she also has a sense of humor and has….such a fresh perspective on things."

"Wow," was all I could think of to say.

"And I am starting to really feel for her. I---I feel excited when she is in the room. My heart rate increases and I can feel the blood circulating more rapidly through my system."

At that point, I had to smile at Hank's clinical description of what was going on. "Um, a normal person would've just said, `I get butterflies in my stomach' or something, but whatever, Hank." We laughed together. "How does she feel?" I asked.

"That is what I am so excited about! I suspect that she might return my feelings. You see, I do not have much experience with this, as you know. But….her reactions to me are similar to those that Carly had. Some of her mannerisms, such as putting her hand on my shoulder seem to indicate that she enjoys physical contact with me. I have noticed the way she smiles when I enter the room. I am beginning to think that perhaps she does feel the same way."

"Wow, that's really great, Hank!" I said. I didn't know why I was being such a shit. I should have been happy for Hank, but I wasn't. In fact, I wasn't the least bit happy. He didn't seem to notice my reaction, though.

"However, I do worry whether I am too old for her. She's only 22."

"What are you? Say, 35?"

"Thirty-six, by now."

"Well, that is a big gap, but if you both like each other, then I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"`Age is just a state of mind,"" Hank quoted. "And Panda is very, very mature. Oh, Bobby I am so excited over this. In fact, I find myself thinking of her all hours of the day."

"I'm really happy for you," I said, flatly. "So, what are you going to do?"

Hank sighed. "I am unsure of the next step. I have such limited experience with this." His hands ceased rubbing my shoulders. "What would you recommend, Bobby? You've had relationships before."

"Well," I began, trying to think. "Well, can you spend some time alone and then, if the time feels right, ask her if you can kiss her?"

"Would that not be a little forward?"

"I dunno, Hank, it kinda depends on the mood and the moment. But I guess you're right. I'm used to dating men, you know, and men are more direct about this stuff. It's been a long time since I dated a woman." I paused. "Well, what about just telling her how you feel?"

Hank took a breath. "I could do that. But what if I am incorrect and she does not return my feelings? Wouldn't that make our working relationship awkward?"

"It could. But you sound pretty sure she feels the same way, so what do you have to lose? Say, does she have any friends on the ship that you could do reconnaissance with? I know it sounds kinda high-schoolish, but sometimes that can be a good way to find out if someone likes you."

"Yes," Hank said, clearly thinking it over. "But she spends virtually all-day in sick bay with me. I have not really observed her bonding with anyone else."

"Okay, I got it," I said. "Invite her to an after-dinner walk." Taking a walk on this ship usually involved walking around the track in the gym or just walking up and down the halls. There wasn't really anywhere else to go, but at least it was movement. "During the walk, ask her if you can hold her hand. Or if you can put your arm around her."

"What a wonderful idea! Why, thank you, Bobby---I knew you would be of assistance. I will do that tomorrow! Thank you."

I stood up. "My pleasure, Hank." I faced the door. "Well, it's getting late and I'm really tired. I guess I'll turn in tonight. Let me know how it goes, okay?"

"I will. Thank you again."

I walked down the hallway to my room. What the hell is wrong with me that I can't even be happy for my best friend? Several hours passed before I was able to fall asleep.

The following morning, several X-men were training their new recruits in the Danger Room. What Wolverine had said to Bobby earlier continued to hold true. Only Marrow displayed any real promise. Of course, it was to be expected, given that so many of these mutants had survived imprisonment and many had unspectacular powers. And training took time.

As she often did, Marrow asked Rogue or Storm to work with her one-on-one after their group training session. Storm obliged that day, as Rogue had a counseling session to go to. Rogue still disliked this task but this was for a young woman who she didn't mind listening to and who Rogue could tell was making progress.

"You're fantastic, Storm!" Marrow said, gasping for breath after their session. "This is the best training in the world."

"Why, Marrow," Storm began, stretching her legs out, "I think this is the first time I've heard you sound appreciative for the training." The session with Marrow had been intense, and clearly Marrow would make an excellent fighter.

"Yeah, well, what do ya want, me to grovel and kiss your feet?"

"Not at all," Storm said, smiling. She made her way to the bench and sat on it. Marrow was continuing to lift weights and strengthen her upper body, even though their session for the day was over.

"So what's gonna be the plan when we get back to earth?"

"I do not know yet, Marrow. We X-men plan to discuss the specifics when we return to An'zhina and sit with Cyclops and the rest of our teammates."

"Well, like you're the leader so how can you not know?"

Storm smiled tolerantly. "I share leadership with the Professor and Cyclops. And I can assure you, Marrow, that the plan will involve liberating more camps and freeing more mutants. I don't think that is at all in question."

"Okay. What about FOH soldiers?" Marrow clenched her hands into fists. She then punched the palm of one hand. "I wanna smash their faces in! I can't wait to make them bleed, make them beg for mercy as we slowly kill them…."

"Marrow, as I've told you before, killing is not the X-men's way. We do not kill or torture our enemies."

"Really?" Marrow asked. Her voice had an edge to it and Storm noticed something dance across her eyes, as if she was gearing up for a fight.

"Really," Storm said with finality.

"So, ah….the soldiers who were on board this ship. Whatever happened to them?" She didn't even attempt to feign innocence in her voice. Clearly, word traveled around the ship.

`I knew she was going to ask that,' Storm thought to herself. `Honesty at all times,' she reminded herself. "About half of them died in combat, during the battle when we fought for control of the ship."

"Yeah. And the other half?"

Storm sighed. "It is a long story, Marrow. But it sounds to me that you already know what I am going to say."

"The word is that you killed them. And not just killed them, but spent a night making them suffer beforehand."

"We X-men debated for a long time what to do with them," Storm recounted slowly. "At last we agreed that they should be executed, because of the mutants they killed at the mansion and….because of what they did to us on this ship. Most of us supported a…painless death for them. However, there were three members of the team who let their anger get the best of them. One night, they killed all the FOH soldiers."

"They tortured them, didn't they?"

"I don't know. I never inquired about the details." Storm hated to admit it to herself, but she knew she was not the only member of the team who was both glad the soldiers had been executed and that she herself did not have their blood on her hands.

"What did FOH do to make you all so angry? It was more than the mutants back at your mansion that they killed. They raped you too, huh? You and Rogue, and the other women, right?"

Storm resisted the temptation to tell Marrow that she could learn to use a little less candor in her questioning. But she knew she'd answer Marrow. She remembered Shaman's words during the healing ceremony. This was not something to feel shame over, and Storm truly didn't feel shame any longer. "Yes, that's what FOH did to us during the days we were their prisoners."

"Well, can you explain what the difference here is? Cause FOH raped all their female prisoners at the `Mutant Containment Center' I was at, and I'm sure that's what they're doing at all the others too. And they did kill plenty of the others, too. So why is it ok for you X-men to avenge yourselves but not the others?"

Marrow's words rang in Storm's ears. She had known it would only be a matter of time before Marrow pursued this line of reasoning. "I do not have an answer," was the best she could manage. Really, what * was* the difference? "We briefly discussed taking them back to earth and trying to get justice from the legal system, but we knew that would never happen and more than likely, * we* would be punished for the deaths of the FOH soldiers who died in combat with us. So we took justice into our own hands. However, this does not change the fact----if we can rescue mutants from the camps without harming any FOH members, then that is what we will do."

Marrow smiled slightly. She knew she'd flustered Storm and gotten her to seriously question things. "I bet Professor X didn't agree with the killing of the soldiers."

"You are correct."

"Which three X-men were the ones who actually killed the soldiers?"

"My, you ask a lot of questions!" Storm said, coming close to losing her temper.

"Lemme guess. Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit, right?"

Storm smiled. "Yes."

"I think the more FOH soldiers we kill, the better. They deserve to die. And I'm gonna do the Lorena Bobbit maneuver on them." She said the last sentence with particular venom. "Dead men don't rape."

"Marrow, it is unfair to blame all men for what a few of them did."

"I dunno, Storm. Every man is a potential rapist. I hate them for what they did, and for what they are doing to mutants in the other camps."

"I also feel a lot of anger over this, but blaming * all* men for it is wrong. That would be no different than blaming all mutants for the violent acts committed by a few. Or like blaming all white people for the horrors of racism." As she said the words, Storm idly recalled that she had once wondered whether Wolverine had ever committed a rape and if that could explain why he felt so guilty over what had happened. Storm silently chided herself for ever even speculating about that. She now knew with certainty that he'd never do such a thing.

"I could agree with you if it were like a handful of men who did this. But it wasn't, Storm. There were like thousands of men at that training base next to the camp and damnit if I wasn't forced to fuck them all. And there were rumors that some of the men who visited us were like not FOH members, but regular men who just paid the FOH for the chance to come in and do what they wanted to us. I think that rumor was true because I saw men all the time who weren't wearing FOH uniforms."

Storm's stomach churned at that last piece, as if the whole scenario wasn't evil enough already. "Indeed the male half of humanity has done some horrible things to the female half," she said, nodding. "I will not argue with you there. But we must remember that there are plenty of good men as well, men who are our allies. Professor X has been working 18 hours a day, every day, with rape survivors to try to help them." Storm paused. "I do not hate every white person for the racism that has been committed against people of color, even though I feel intense anger at the treatment of my people. Years ago, my people were bought and sold, forced to leave our homeland of Africa, and to live as slaves for whites, where their own children were often taken away from them, sold as property. The cruelty that human beings can inflict upon each other is truly mind-boggling. But we must remember that humanity has its good side as well. Even in the days of slavery, there were whites working to abolish it."

A question popped into Marrow's head when Storm had mentioned her homeland. "I heard that in Africa, they mutilate young girls and cut their clitorises off. Did they do that to you too?"

Storm shook her head, "Okay, Marrow, have you no shame? Is there nothing you will not ask?"

"I wanna know," she stately flatly.

"The answer is no. Fortunately, my people did not practice this gory custom, but some of the neighboring peoples did. I knew one girl who couldn't even walk after the procedure…" Storm's voice trailed off, the appalling memories resurfacing.

"Yet you still spout the party line about humanity being good and blah blah blah."

"We are inherently good. And we will create a community on An'zhina that reflects this goodness."

"Okay," Marrow said. "But I still wanna spill some FOH blood, and I'm gonna."

"This was a great idea, Hank," Panda said. The two were strolling along the corridors of the ship, walking up and down hallways. "It feels good to move, other than running around sick bay."

"Indeed I do miss training as an X-man. I've always loved physical activity." So many thoughts were running through Hank's mind. When should he ask Panda if he could hold her hand? What if he missed the right moment? How he longed to have had experience with this.

"Maybe someday we'll get more medical people and you can go back to training. It's too bad those Endarians are so xenophobic and won't let us take any of their medical personnel with us on our next trip back to earth. We gotta see about taking some of their technology though."

"Yes," Hank said, nodding. Is this the right time? Should he ask now? If only there were some instructions or some text book he could look up the right answer in!

"I bet An'zhina has many beautiful walking trails and areas to explore," Panda said.

"Yes."

Panda craned her head around. "Is something on your mind, Hank? You've seemed kind of preoccupied all day."

"I—uh, well, no," he finally said. He tried to think of an alibi to explain why he appeared preoccupied and why he stumbled over words, but nothing was coming to mind.

"Hey, Hank," Panda began. "Do you want to hold hands?"

"Yes!" Hank said. "What a wonderful suggestion." How did she know to ask that?? Could she read minds? No, if she had that ability, she would have mentioned it before. Could it mean that…..she did indeed feel the same way?

Panda extended her hand, and Hank took hold of it. The warm furriness felt good in his hand. They continued to walk, but in silence now. The questions continued to course through his mind and he knew not which ones to verbalize. He couldn't think of any "small talk" to make either. Their walking brought them to a dead end, so they did an about-face, and then automatically rejoined hands.

Finally, to Hank's never-ending relief, Panda spoke. "I really like you, Hank."

"I like you too, Jessica. Very much so." This was it----this was his cue, Hank was sure of it now! "I have been developing some feelings for you, Jessica."

"And I, for you," she said, looking at him and smiling.

"You must pardon me if I seem like the proverbial fish out of water. I do not have much experience with this sort of thing," he said, with a slight laugh.

"I have none," Panda said. "I have never had a…a relationship. I mean, a relationship that went beyond friendship. Have you, Hank?"

"No, I have not. However, years ago, there was a woman who I had feelings for. It is a long story though."

"Care to tell me a bit about it? I would love to hear it."

"Of course." Hank went on to tell Panda a bit about Carly, how the two had fallen in love, how the prejudice against mutants had made it impossible for them to be together. "She was a very special woman," he concluded. His tone made it clear that, although he still cared for her, he also had "gotten over" Carly. "We kept in touch for many years, and she has since married. I do not think she has any children yet, though by now perhaps she does. It has been a couple of years now since we've been able to correspond." After a pause, Hank said, "I knew I was starting to have feelings for you when I noticed my reaction to your presence in the room was similar to my reaction when Carly was around."

The two spent the rest of the evening talking, even as they returned to sick bay to check in on a few of their patients. They then retired to a private conference room to talk together some more. They held hands on the table as they continued to talk. They agreed that since they were both novices at relationships, they should take theirs slowly.

Hank then walked Panda back to her room. They paused outside her door. He got the idea to take both her hands to his lips and kiss them. He'd seen Remy do that often enough with Rogue, and Rogue always seemed to like it. Panda smiled at his kiss. She then reached her arms around him for a hug. During their hug, she caressed the fur on the back of his neck.

When the hug ended, Hank was moved to recite poetry. He said:

"The day you touched me

the first lily bloomed,

orange watered silk

cupped on the point

of a tongue"

"Beautiful," Panda said.

"Beautiful as you are," Hank said. "I recited the first stanza of `Daylily' by Elizabeth Seydel Morgan," Hank explained, breathlessly.

"Good night, Hank," Panda said, her eyes shining with joy.

"Goodnight, Jessica," Hank said, his heart pounding. Logically, he knew it was probably too soon to call it love, but….that was what it seemed like he was feeling.

Hank walked back to the corridor where the X-men's rooms were. He tapped on Bobby's door. "Are you there, Bobby? I have to tell you about what happened today!"

Bobby and Hank sat in Bobby's room, as Hank recounted his evening with Panda. Bobby listened, a smile plastered on his face. When Hank was finished, Bobby congratulated him and then told his friend he was tired from his long day. Hank then left Bobby's room still on cloud nine, his head filled with Panda.

The next day, the starship came close enough to An'zhina that the Professor was able to mentally link up with Jean once again. The Professor reported back to the X-men that all was well with Jean, Scott, Jubilee and their children. "Jean tells me that they miss us all very much and that their days are a little boring, but everything is fine. Jean said an Endarian doctor pays her a visit on occasion just to make sure her pregnancy is going along well." He also added, "Jean tells me that they look forward to helping us with the rescued mutants."

The rest of the team was glad to hear that their teammates were well. No one had doubted that they would be safe and sound on An'zhina.

The evening that the Professor had made contact with Jean, scheduled on bridge duty were Gambit and Rogue. They always tried to get Bobby to schedule them together, since it brought to mind all the evenings they had enjoyed sitting together on the bridge, back on the Paradise planet. Back then, they'd had an evocative ocean to look out onto. Now the view from the picture window was that of an ocean of stars, a world of possibility. The couple sat next to each other, holding hands and occasionally eyeing one of the consoles.

"How is de counseling goin', chere?" Gambit asked.

Rogue kept her eyes focussed on the viewscreen, watching the stars go by as the ship continued to warp back to An'zhina. "Same old," Rogue said. She smiled, "I gotta laugh, though. Two of the women I work with regularly told me today how good I am and how much they like talkin' to me. Can you believe it? They have no clue that doin' this kind of thing is a big ole' chore for me."

"You a very caring person, chere. Gambit not surprised dat dey like working with you so much. I bet you don't let on at all dat dis ain't your cup of tea."

"I don't hate it as much as I used to. But I wish I had more time to work on training the new fighters, like I'd prefer."

"You ain't missin' much," Gambit said flatly.

"That's what I hear."

"Gambit t'ink dat Marrow gonna be our only decent new recruit. The others taking forever to learn, and dey jus' ain't all dat powerful."

As he spoke, Gambit fiddled with his keyboard and pulled up a few things on the monitor. "Hey, chere," he said, "did you see dis? We ain't scheduled together on bridge duty again for three days."

"Three days? What was Bobby thinking?" Rogue looked over Gambit's shoulder. "Oh, great he's got me with Warren tomorrow. All Warren ever talks about is how much he misses Betsy and how worried he is for her….and that's when he says anything at all!"

"Gambit's scheduled with Nightcrawler tomorrow. I ain't in the mood for a lecture on how we gotta turn the other cheek and treat FOH with kid-gloves. What drugs was Drake on when he made up dis schedule??"

"Let's call him," Rogue said. "I'm sure he'll change it, if we ask. He likes us."

Rogue took out her communicator and called Bobby. "Bobby here," Bobby muttered.

"Hey, Bobby, it's Rogue and Gambit here," Rogue said sweetly. "Um, would you be a doll and make a few changes on the schedule? You forgot to put Remy and me on bridge duty together….we ain't on together for three days."

"Bobby, my friend, you know dat Rogue and I hate working with Warren," Gambit added, smiling. "What were you thinkin??"

"Um….okay," Bobby said. "I'll change it. I can't do it now, though."

Rogue and Gambit looked at each other. Something was wrong. "What's wrong with your voice, sugar?" Rogue asked. "You sound like you got laryngitis or somethin.'"

"It's nothing," Bobby mumbled.

"Are you sure?" Gambit asked. Bobby did not sound at all like himself.

"I'm just PMS-ing," Bobby said. It was now very clear, even through the communicator, that he had been crying.

"Uh….Gambit be no doctor but he don' t'ink dat men, even gay men, get PMS."

"I gotta go. Bye," Bobby said, abruptly turning his communicator off. The conversation was over.

Rogue and Gambit faced each other, each mirroring the other's puzzled look. "What's eatin' him?" Rogue asked.

"Dunno, chere. It sounded like, to Gambit, dat the Iceman was crying."

"Well, no shit. Of course he was crying. What could it be?"

"He sure didn't sound like he wanted to talk," Gambit said. "I don't know what we can do if he not gonna talk to us."

Rogue nodded. "Maybe we should try to talk to him tomorrow. Maybe it's nothing." she said, turning back to face the view of the stars. She tilted her head back and became immersed in memories. "Hey, Remy," Rogue began, thoughtfully. "You remember that time on the Paradise planet when we went on a picnic with Bobby?"

"We went on picnics with him all the time, chere."

"You know which one I mean. We asked him about his past with the X-men, and he really opened up and told us about the time that my foster Momma tried to blackmail him…and he told us how he was so depressed back then that he almost killed himself…"

Gambit nodded. "Chere, you're sayin' dat we better take this seriously," he said quietly.

"I don't know much `bout this kind of thing. But my gut tells me if he was suicidal before, even if it was a long time ago….and he's crying about something now……well, yeah, maybe we better take it real seriously."

"You right, chere. Should we call him again?"

"Maybe we should call the Professor instead."

Rogue used her communicator to reach Charles. He was in the midst of a counseling session but promised to call them back as soon as he was done. After about an hour, the Professor entered the bridge. The couple explained the situation to him.

"It is good of you to be concerned for him and you absolutely did the right thing in calling me," the Professor said. "Years ago, he was suicidal and even though he has not been that way for a long time, it is still something to be concerned about." Charles paused. "I have not been able to mentally `check-in' with him since before our rescue mission on earth, as I have been so preoccupied with the rescued mutants and their mental state." The Professor did not add that he periodically took a reading of all the X-men's mental states. He did it in a non-invasive way and only for the purposes of detecting whether someone was experiencing anything seriously wrong.

"Are you gonna like `check-in' with him now?" Rogue asked.

"Yes, I think that would be best. Without reading his mind, I can pick up on his emotional and mental state. This way I can determine whether he is at risk for suicide, without violating his privacy and without uncovering more specific information."

The Professor shut his eyes and began his work. Rogue and Gambit periodically glanced at him and back at their monitors.

After a minute or two, the Professor opened his eyes and spoke. "He is very sad about something," he concluded. "But he is not suicidal, nor I do think he is at immediate risk of seriously contemplating suicide any time soon. I did not probe any deeper than that, as I have ascertained that he is not at any immediate risk."

"So, should we do something?" Gambit asked.

"At this point, I advise you to just talk to him and continue to ask him if he wants to discuss it with you." The Professor paused and then looked at his two students. "Rogue and Gambit, thank you very much for contacting me about this. I am continually impressed with the maturity you both have and how much you two have grown and developed." He looked as if he wanted to say more but stopped himself. Charles actually feared getting too mushy on them right now. He knew he could go on and on about how good it felt to see two students make such progress and how much he cared about them. The lines always tended to get so blurry. The more years he spent with each X-man, the more he viewed each as his own son or daughter. Inappropriate lines for a teacher to cross, but even a man who's emotions were as controlled as the Professor's were couldn't help but to feel this way. His heart truly ached for Jean and Scott and their daughter too...

Rogue and Gambit looked at each other and smiled. "Aww, shucks, Professor, we do try," Rogue said.

The next morning, Charles and Moira had their usual breakfast together, in Moira's room this time. "Betsy finally agreed to work with me," the Professor said.

"That's wonderful, Charles!" Moira exclaimed. "Will you start working with her today?"

"Yes. I hope we can make some progress."

"Warren must be very happy about her decision."

"I need to talk to him, too," Charles said, partly as a reminder to himself. "He needs to understand that healing from a trauma such as this will take time. My powers can only do so much. Betsy herself will be the agent of change, of healing----I will only help her along."

Moira nodded, quietly. She wondered whether this was to be her life for the foreseeable future----working with rescued mutants and helping them recover. Moira had one dream that she had never shared with Charles as she had always been a bit chagrined by it: She and Banshee had both hoped for a peaceful retirement. They had wanted to do what "normal" wealthy people did---retire early, travel, spend time with their children and (hopefully) grandchildren, and enjoy themselves in the last few decades of their lives. She knew Charles would never share that goal and had kept it hidden from him. `It doesn't matter now,' Moira thought to herself. `Our money is gone, Sean is gone, and Kevin is gone. It willna happen.'

After a few moments passed, Moira mused quietly, "I wonder if I will ever see Scotland again."

As Charles spread jam on a slice of toast, he recalled, "When we were in closer range to earth, I scanned the minds of several 'ordinary' people. I wanted to get a sense of how they felt about Mutant Containment Centers, whether the idea of mutants being rounded up gave them pause."

"I can guess what you found," Moira began somberly. "Apathy. No one cares at all. In fact, most people are glad mutants are being rounded up because the crime rate is down."

Charles nodded. "You summed it up well. Apathy was indeed the widespread emotion. Those who weren't apathetic were supportive of FOH. I searched at random, trying to find one person who was disturbed at the thought of the containment centers. I found none."

"The only other non-mutant I knew who opposed the camps was Dr Veena Qadir, my former student. You wouldna believe the harassment she receives from her other colleagues for even mildly supporting mutant rights. She's virtually been blacklisted, like I was. Even my own brother didna care, and his own nephew and brother-in-law were mutants!" Moira took a deep breath, wishing she hadn't brought up Sean and Kevin. "Earth is a mess, Charles. I am sorry to say it, but it is true. And not just because of the mutant question either. I'm sure you remember that mutants were being blamed for everything from global warming to high inflation."

Charles nodded. "I remember. We were the scapegoats."

"Well, those such problems only got worse in the year and a half that you were gone, Charles. Most scientists say that the supply of oil on earth will be used up in 5-10 years----even scientists who scoffed at that before. Most countries are experiencing crisis levels of inflation---that is, those that aren't in a recession. Our air supply is so polluted that even the United States---believe it or not---was considering laws to reduce emissions. I could go on all day with examples. But it is all too late." She slowed down and smiled. "I'm sorry to sound so negative. I always admire you for being so positive."

"You, too, used to be an optimist, Moira," Charles said quietly. He looked down at his plate. If even she had given up hope for earth….

"I am not anymore. Charles, I tell you that earth is a mess and I willna go back." She paused, "But now this An'zhina….I really look forward to seeing it."

"'Mornin', Bobby," Rogue greeted her friend as he entered the gym. It was time for the morning training session. All of the X-men who were scheduled to train that morning were already working away; Bobby was uncharacteristically late.

"Hi," he muttered, barely looking up. Rogue exchanged a look with Colossus, who was standing next to her. Colossus's eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Rogue opened her mouth to say something more, but Storm summoned them into the Danger Room to join the group that was already in progress.

During a break, Rogue approached Bobby as he sat on the bench, downing a bottle of water. "Hey, sugar," she began, smiling.

Bobby looked up at her and then looked back down again. "Lemme alone, ok, Rogue?" he said quietly.

Rogue stood, open-mouthed, not knowing what to say next. She turned away, pondering her next move.

"I am not prone to gossip, as you know," Storm began. She was sitting next to Wolverine during their lunch break. Wolverine looked down at his soup and suppressed a grin as Storm continued. "But I must tell you that I saw Hank and Panda walking hand in hand yesterday."

"Yeah, seems he got a thing for her," Wolverine said.

"I want to ask Hank about it as soon as we can have a minute together. He seems so happy….I think that Panda probably returns his feelings," she added, as she speared some more of her salad with a fork.

"Sure looks like they were made for each other. Heck, she looks like the female version of him," he said with a smile, "`Cept with different coloring."

"Perhaps it is meant to be." Storm took a sip of her drink and then set the glass back down on the table. She and Wolverine were momentarily distracted by a loud argument taking place between two of the other mutants at a nearby table. They kept an eye on the situation, knowing they might need to intervene if it turned violent. Instead, the two young men were able to work out their dispute on their own and without resorting to a fist-fight.

"I want to go home and get away from all this! I hate being cramped up here with everyone else!" one of the young men had yelled during the argument. Although the quarrel was now over, those particular sentences repeated themselves over and over in Storm's mind. She turned to her companion. "Logan," she began.

Wolverine's ears perked up. `Damn,' he thought to himself. `She's got that tone she gets when she wants to talk about something serious.' "Hm?" he grunted.

"I sometimes wonder how…how you are holding up here. I know that….in the past you often liked to go off by yourself for periods of time. It has been a very long time since you have been able to do that." During their stay on the Paradise planet, Wolverine had occasionally taken off by himself for a day or two. Other than those brief escapes, Wolverine not taken any solo trips since many months before the X-men were kidnapped by the FOH, so long ago. Living on a starship pretty much precluded the possibility for more such excursions.

Wolverine hated to admit it to himself, but he was touched by her concern as he knew it was sincere. He also knew how much he was enjoying her company----all the time, not just in the bedroom. "I'm ok, darlin'", he said, placing a hand over Storm's. "If I ever get the chance, I will take another trip. Don't look too possible anytime soon though."

"Still, I know this must be hard for you, feeling tied down like this."

Wolverine shrugged. "Things could always be worse," was all he said. Storm occasionally did things like this, asked him questions that made him wonder. His desire to separate from the pack was nowhere near as strong as it once had been, though he was loathe to admit it to himself. Not being the most introspective person, Logan left it at that.

Storm smiled as she ate another spoonful of the split pea soup. 'He's accepted that we're his family,' she thought to herself. `If he really wanted to, he could leave us on our next trip to earth. But I do not think that he will leave.'

"Is something wrong, my friend?" Hank asked, as he glanced at the man in the doorway. Gambit had just entered sick bay, which was an unusual occurrence. Hank wondered if his friend was injured or ill.

"Everyt'ing fine here, mon ami," Gambit said. "And my, don't you look happy `bout something," he added with a smile. Gambit looked around the room and saw no one within earshot. "Don't suppose it has something to do with Panda," he said quietly.

Hank smiled, a grin of irrepressible joy. Panda was on the other end of the infirmary, running some samples through the computer. Gambit saw a wondrous, overjoyed look in Hank's eyes that he had never seen before, even during times when Hank had made some scientific breakthrough or the like. "It certainly does," Hank said. "I've been meaning to ask….if we could have a discussion at some point. In private, preferably."

Gambit smiled. "Gambit would love to. And I got somethin' I wanna talk `bout with you, too. How `bout after dinner tonight?"

"I would love that."

They made arrangements to talk in Hank's room. When Gambit turned to leave sick bay, he heard Hank softly humming to himself.

That evening, Gambit saw a side of Hank that he had never seen before. Years ago, when Hank was getting to know Carly, Gambit had been on a short break from the X-men and had not been able to witness first-hand Hank's mood. If he had, he would have seen that this time, Hank was even more delighted. That evening, Hank spoke rapidly and with unbridled enthusiasm.

"You are the expert, Remy," Hank was saying. "Can you provide some recommendations?"

For a second, Gambit was stunned. Was Hank going to ask him for tips on making love to a woman? `Well, dis be new,' Gambit thought to himself. `Never thought I'd ever be havin' this kind of talk with Hank McCoy.'

"Should I replicate flowers? Or candy?" Hank went on. "Or are those considered passe? What about a love note, detailing everything that I appreciate about her? And where should I leave these things? In sick bay? In the hall outside her room? But others will see the items if they're left out there in plain sight."

Gambit smiled. "You got good instincts, Hank. Women love dat sorta stuff. Any of that sorta stuff. An' I t'ink dat candy and flowers are not passe at all, dough you gotta ask the Professor if you can replicate dem. Hey, has she ever had a boyfriend before?"

Hank shook his head.

"Den perfect----dese things will be completely new for her. The love letter is a good idea too. Um….candy and flowers you can hand to her. Or what about goin' into her room and leavin' dem inside the room when she not dere?"

"I considered that, but could that not possibly considered an intrusion on her privacy? To enter her room unbeknownst?"

"Well, it not like you goin in dere to snoop around. Jus' leave the flowers and go. I t'ink she'd be touched." He paused. "A love note you can slip under the door." Gambit reflected for a moment on the time shortly after the X-men had freed themselves from the FOH on this ship. He had left Rogue a short note under her door, asking if she had wanted to talk.

"Yes, that is a wonderful idea!"

Gambit bit his lip to keep from grinning at Hank's obvious jubilation. "Dis a whole side of you I never seen before, Hank. `Bout dat love note, dough, don't make it too technical. Like, don't jus' make a list of everythin' you like about her. "

"Of course," Hank said. "I will experiment with creative writing." Silently, he realized he would have to revise the draft of the love note he had begun writing. It read, in part, `I enjoy the way my blood vessels expand, the acceleration of my heart rate, the somewhat pleasant discomfort in my stomach area when I see you. I enjoy admiring the degrees of the curves of your body, and firm and pleasant tactile sensations in my hand when I hold yours.' No doubt about it---the love letter would need lots of revisions. Hank made a note to take another look at his poetry books and attempt more melodic writing.

He then had to ask another question that he'd been mulling over. "Now, at what point can I kiss her?"

"Um, well….dis is kinda a hard thing to jus schedule, you know. You gotta go with your gut on dis one."

"But, Gambit, I don't quite have the…intuition for this sort of situation that you have."

"Dat may be true but I still think you probably have good enough instincts to know when the time be right. And who knows, maybe * she* ask you for a kiss sometime. She don't seem coy or shy to me."

"You are right. Maybe my instincts will be sufficient for navigating this relationship." He paused and took a breath. "Thank you, Gambit."

Gambit smiled. Playing love life advisor was actually quite fun! He then sobered up. "So, Hank, Gambit got a question for you. You know what's eatin' Bobby?"

Hank got a questioning look on his face. "What do you mean, Gambit?"

"Rogue and I talk with Bobby yesterday and he was really upset `bout somethin.' In fact, he was crying. And he looked terrible dis morning during training. But he wouldn't tell us what was wrong."

"My goodness! I had no idea something was bothering him so much." Hank tilted his head back. "I guess the past couple of days I have been preoccupied with Jessica. In fact, between Jessica and the fact that I saw several patients yesterday and performed a minor surgery on one, I didn't converse with Bobby at all yesterday."

"Well, Rogue and I figure you his best friend so maybe you know what's wrong with him."

Hank stood up. "Perhaps it is best if I go talk to him right now. It is getting late and I must ensure that I catch him before he goes to bed. I think he's on bridge duty now and I'm not sure when his shift will be finished." He paused. "Thank you, Remy. For everything."

"My pleasure, mon ami," Gambit said with a smile.

I was sitting on the bridge during my shift, listening to Warren ramble on about Besty. Rogue hadn't wanted this shift, so I replaced her with me on the schedule. Why the hell did I do that? I was getting mighty tired of being Mr. Nice Guy with everyone. Damn lot of good it ever did me. And if I sound like a total shit, then fine----but at least Betsy and Warren had each other, as awful as their lives had been over the past few months.

"Anyway, thank goodness the Professor is working with her. I can scarcely wait to hear how their session went. Maybe she'll start acting like her old self again," Warren said. "Maybe she's feeling better right now." He looked at his watch. "I think their session has probably ended by now."

I gave a monosyllabic answer, as I had been for the past three hours. It didn't seem to matter since Warren wasn't looking for a reply. I continued my game of Tetris, musing that we had to rethink our bridge duty schedule. We were so far from earth, did we really need two people on bridge duty at all times? We hadn't seen an FOH ship for weeks, and we were sure that we weren't leaking ion --- they would not be able to detect us. I vowed to discuss this with the Professor tomorrow.

My communicator beeped. "Bobby, it's Hank," the voice on the other end said.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi. Are you on the bridge right now?"

"Yeah."

"Can I come up there and have a word with you now?"

"Sure."

So Hank entered the bridge a minute later, and greeted both of us. Then he said, "Warren, do you think perhaps you could give Bobby and I some privacy? We would----"

"Sure," he said, leaping up from his chair. "I can go check on Betsy! Take all the time you need." He bounded out of the room faster than Quicksilver.

Hank sat next to me. He reached over and placed a hand on my knee. My arms were crossed over my chest. When I turned my head in his direction, I found he was giving me a very intent look.

"Bobby," he began. "I had no idea that you were upset about something."

"Who says I'm upset?"

"Well, right at this very moment, you are not acting quite like yourself. To be honest, I had not noticed that you were dismayed over something until Gambit approached me."

"Well, I'm like really shocked you hadn't noticed, since you spend all your time with Panda now."

"I detect sarcasm in your tone."

"Well duh!" I swiveled my chair away so my back was to him.

"Bobby," Hank placed a hand on my shoulder, "are you angry with me over something?"

"No."

"Please tell me what is wrong. Is there anything I can do to help? I am your closest friend and I….Are you crying?"

I did have tears in my eyes but I mumbled, "No." Suddenly there were two big and furry arms around my shoulders. The tears came down faster. I knew that this wasn't the first time in the last couple years that I had cried in front of someone else, but I still was embarrassed by it. Crying always brought me back to my adolescent days when I was derided by my schoolmates as a "cry-baby." Later on, of course, it was "fag" and "homo", and then later still the epithets "mutie" and "gene freak" were added.

"What's wrong, Bobby?" Hank asked gently.

I finally managed to blurt out, "I want to wait until I'm finished crying."

"Okay," he said. "Let me look around for some tissues." I think he searched around the bridge for a bit, and then finally procured the tissues from the bathroom that was just down the hall from the bridge.

"Thanks," I said, when he handed me a wad of tissue. I blew my nose and wiped at my eyes. The urge to cry started to subside and I got a hold of myself.

"Can you tell me what is upsetting you?" Hank asked quietly, sitting back down next to me.

"You have no idea, do you?"

"Well, no, I do not. I care for you deeply, but I cannot read your mind. I do suspect that it has to do with more than the general stress we have been experiencing, attending to all of the rescued mutants."

I nodded. "Am I still your best friend?" I asked. I knew it sounded like something out of angst-ridden adolescence, but I had to ask it.

"Why, of course, you and I---" he stopped himself. "Oh, I see! You are concerned that my relationship with Panda is going to supplant our friendship. Is that it?"

"Yes."

I tried to swivel my chair away from him so I could turn my back to him again, but Hank grabbed onto the bottom of the chair and held it steady. He looked at me. "You are my best friend. Don't ever doubt that."

"But now you're spending all your free time with her. And we hardly * get* any free time anymore, so now I'm never going to get to see you!" I tried to keep my voice from sounding whiny.

"Then Bobby, we will make sure that we spend time together. Perhaps you can have lunch with us in sick bay or even get up early and have breakfast with us," he said with a smile. "I am sure you understand that duty keeps me bound to the infirmary for most of the day. But we could ensure that we spend several evenings together as well. Our friendship will continue. There is no question of that."

"I really want it to," I said.

Hank nodded. "Bobby, please understand….if I have been neglecting you the last few days, it is because I am experiencing something completely….foreign to me, something that is also thrilling and amazing. I have never had a relationship before. Carly and I had feelings for each other, but we could never be together---I knew that from the beginning. But what Panda and I have….I truly feel like I am falling in love and she may be too. We have discussed this. We both want a relationship and feel ready for it. This is all new to me, and it is the most exciting thing I have lived through, ever." He placed particular emphasis on that last sentence, and then added, "Please try to understand that. It does not mean that I value our friendship any less."

I nodded. I knew that I maybe sounded like a selfish jerk, and maybe I was. But I was hurting too. "Hank, if I sound like I'm being totally selfish, I'm sorry. It's just that…" I had to stop since I risked getting weepy again. I got a hold of myself and said, "It's just that I love you more than anyone else in my entire life."

The last few days I had realized that fact. No one in my life had ever compared to Hank. My parents rejected me, and I had never been close to my brothers who were both several years older than I. I had friends in high school and at my various jobs, and I had close friends in the X-men, but none like Hank. And yeah, I had several relationships, but I hadn't loved anyone as much as I loved Hank---not even Michael, who I was with for three years. Hank was the one I could say anything to. He was the one I could spend all hours laughing and joking with. He was the one who loved me just the way I was. He was the one who had saved my life.

"I love you too, Bobby. I always will. A friendship like ours is a precious gift." He reached his arms out to hug me, and I returned the embrace. There's always something so comforting in his bigness and his furriness. Panda was such a lucky woman.

When the hug was over, Hank recited some poetry.

"I love you

Because you have done

More than any creed

Could have done

To make me good,

And more than any fate

Could have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Perhaps that is what

Being a friend means,

After all

"The last several stanzas of `Love' by Roy Croft," Hank explained.

I couldn't help but to smile. "Thanks, Hank. It's not every day that someone reads poetry to me." I then paused and my smile evaporated, "You know, though, when some people start relationships, they forget all about their friends," I said.

"I assure you, that will not happen," he said intently. "We can do those things I mentioned earlier, to ensure we spend time together. I'm sure you understand, though, that Panda and I will also want time alone together. But we can still find time together, just you and I. Or, you and I and Panda. I would love for you to really get to know her, Bobby. I think you will like her."

"I'm sure I will," I said. I was feeling better, though I still knew the truth to what I had said a second ago. I'd seen it over and over again---people dropping their friends as soon as they acquire a love interest. And I would try my best to be happy for Hank, but I understood this meant I would be seeing him less, even if we did try to schedule things together.

"She told me something today at lunch, something that I knew I wanted to share with you as soon as she said it," Hank recalled. "When she was in high school, her best friend was a lesbian. I told her I found that an interesting parallel, since my best friend is also gay. This woman was the only person who would be friends with Jessica, as they both were considered such pariahs by their classmates."

I smiled at that. "That's totally cool. We understand about being outcasts."

"Bobby, I truly hope someday you find someone too. I know you've had relationships before, so I guess these feelings are not new for you. But as someone who has never experienced this before, it is such a wonderful feeling for me."

"Well, I'll stop at the nearest gay community center to find someone, ok?" I hadn't meant to sound as bitter as I did, but that's how it came out.

"I know what you are saying, my friend. Our life circumstances do not exactly allow us to meet new people. And many of the people we do encounter are so emotionally damaged. I can imagine how lonely you are, as you have not spent time with another gay man for so long. But still I hope some miracle occurs and you find someone."

"Yeah, then we can double-date!" I said, trying to sound happier. I was sincerely touched by Hank's caring for me. He and I made plans to have lunch in sick bay the following day.

We drew nearer and nearer to An'zhina. I organized lunches and question-and-answer sessions where any of crewmates could ask whatever they wanted about the moon and its surrounding areas. Of course, during the entire voyage they had volleyed questions our way, but as we approached Endaria, it suddenly become real for them. We were bombarded with requests for more detailed information. Besides, many of the women we rescued had not been mentally "with it" enough to inquire in detail about where we were going. Now, thanks to the work of the Professor, Moira, Storm and Rogue, many of the women were kinda ok now, and very curious about An'zhina. So I suggested we set up these meetings.

We didn't have answers to every single question that they lobbed at us, but we did the best we could to answer them. Many were intrigued with the Endarians and wanted to learn all they could. Queen Marina had given us a CD full of information about their culture and history, and we showed that CD numerous times. We also showed them videos and pictures of An'zhina.

The Professor had contacted Jean and the others using his telepathy, and he gave them a heads-up as to some of the requirements the new mutants would need on An'zhina.

I tried to contain my excitement about our return. It had been now 10 weeks since I had seen Jubilee and Aurora, and Scott, Jean and Charlotte. I missed them all. I wanted to hold those chubby babies and play games with them, and I really wanted to gossip with Jubes.

After Hank and I had our talk on the bridge, the last week or so of our journey had been pretty uneventful for me. I did get to know Panda a bit better and what can I say? I can totally see why Hank likes her so much. Though she never finished college (kicked out for being a mutant), she was quite brilliant. She loved to learn, and she also had a sunny disposition in general. Her interest in science was almost as strong as Hank's, and a couple of times during our lunches together, I really had no clue what they were talking about. But I've never cared for science myself.

One morning, Hank woke me up by beeping me on the communicator. He sounded extremely excited and asked if he could come over right then. I said sure. I thought I knew what his news was, and I was right. "Yesterday evening," he began, sounding more agog then I'd ever heard him, "when Panda and I walked back to her room, I asked her if I could kiss her! She said yes!"

I stifled a giggle---this was totally a new side of Hank. I reminded myself that I would just have to get used to this and try to be happy for him. So I told him I was thrilled for him. He went on to describe the kiss in detail, including a retelling of approximately how many seconds it had lasted.

"Wait a sec," I said, "so this was a * dry* kiss?" Hank gave me a quizzical look, and I added, "So like neither of you opened your mouths and you didn't touch each other's tongues?"

"Well, no. Would that not be too forward at this point?"

I just smiled and said that he should go with his instinct, and if he thought it was too soon, then it probably * was* too soon. Gambit and I joked about it later on that day, saying it was going to take Hank forever to get to first base.

At long last, we saw the multi-colored nebulous clouds of Endaria. Queen Marina herself greeted us over subspace radio as our ship slowed down and entered her realm. My heart pounded in my chest as the tiny moon of An'zhina came into view.

As we came even closer into range, Jean, Scott and Jubilee spoke to us over subspace. All of us X-men were crowded around the bridge, and I saw my smiles reflected among my teammates. "We missed you!" Jubilee said.

"We missed you all too," Storm said, speaking for the group. "In just a few minutes, we'll be in An'zhina's atmosphere, and we'll begin beaming people to the surface." We had arranged with Queen Marina to leave our ship in orbit around the moon. It made more sense for people to beam down from the ship rather than to land it on the moon, since landing and taking off were potentially problematic.

"We're standing by and ready to give tours to all the new mutants," Cyclops said. We had discussed beforehand with our rescuees and with the X-men on An'zhina what would happen when we arrived at the moon. Most of the rescued mutants said they would either want a tour or to just be shown to their rooms. So we had arranged this with Cyclops, Jean and Jubilee.

In batches of approximately 20 at a time, we beamed to the surface. I wound up in one of the last groups. When I reached the surface, I looked around and saw orderly chaos.

We had beamed to the area just outside of the living complex. Cyclops, with his daughter strapped to him in a baby carrier, was introducing himself to the mutants and splitting them up into groups. Jean, not yet visibly pregnant, stood next to Cyke. I wanted to get close to them but there were about 200 people in the way right then. Storm was leading those who just wanted to see their rooms to the main complex. Hank and Panda were ushering a group towards the infirmary.

Wolverine had beamed down with the group just before mine, and I glanced at him looking up towards the sky, inhaling. It was a sunny day, the air crisp and cool and very, very clean. I smiled. He obviously was delighting in the outdoors and I had to bet he was planning when he could go off by himself and get naked in the outdoors (and I really liked the thought of that too!)

I spied Jubilee leading another group off. `Aw, heck,' I said to myself, `I got these powers and I'm gonna use them!' I made an ice slide and whipped right over to Jubilee. "Hey, girl!" I said, coming up to her. Several of the mutants she was with shot me surprised looks.

"Bobby!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. I embraced her best I could, though Aurora was strapped to her back. I then pulled the baby out of her carrier and gave her a hug and a kiss. "She doesn't know what to make of all this commotion, so she's been crying and stuff," Jubilee told me.

"Yes, but she loves her Uncle Bobby, don't you Rory?" I cooed at her. "Yes! Yes, you do!" Aurora seemed to smile and reached for my fingers. I let her grasp them.

"We have * got* to catch up!" Jubilee said to me. "But we gotta do this stuff first."

So I joined Jubilee as she gave a tour of the area to a large group of our rescuees. It was so cool to see looks of awe and excitement on their faces. I saw An'zhina as if for the first time, through their eyes. After being cooped up on that ship for two and a half months, it truly was paradise. It was better than that….it felt like we were at home.

Chapter 15

Chapter 17