Disclaimer: No own. Not me. – holds hands up – FFX-2 belongs to Square.
A/N: Depressing crap ahead. People who don't like Baralai on top? …Aheheh, oh boy. Look out below! :0 …Or should I say above? Also, some offensive things are said in this chapter about homosexuality. Not my personal opinion being expressed there.
Thanks to: Jade Samurai (Torture? Me? Okay, so there's some more in this chapter…), JokaJoker (I was surprised at how many people were like, "Bad Gippal for reading her journal!" Because it was so tempting, just lying there… I must be evil. XD), Icicle Goddess (There's more mention of the skirtage in this chapter… Just a mention, though.), Yuuka Yagami (LOL, the closet thing cracked me up. Gippal… Asphyxiation… What's not to love?), Wai-Aki (I bet Gippal wouldn't mind the hugging.), Eternal-Darkness2, Magenta Fox (Best one on the Internet? I don't not deserve such a nice compliment… There are some pretty good ones out there.), Yoink Daydurfurits (You have an awesome name. I bet you get that a lot. Still, I felt the need to say it.), Shinnyu Kudzu (Terrible? Not at all! Hey, you review! And as for that picture… Show me? – looks around surreptitiously –), cid dante, Demon Buttercup, Happy Cabbage (I'm glad you find it funny! Best one, seriously? There are other really good Gippalai fics, though. And you rock, too! Because you're a cabbage and you're happy.), Kirie Himuro (I think I'll help you in the ritual, haha! By the way, they weren't going to rape Gippal. They were only going to use him…in an unpleasant manner orally, yikes.), and Rageful Fairy.
Chapter Eight – Lost
Laughter echoed throughout Djose Temple. Everyone was in good spirits after the speech. There wasn't even a single person slyly commenting to Gippal on the more-than-amiable way he and Baralai were acting toward one another. In Djose, they were generally more careless about their relationship. Gippal never clarified anything, but then again, he never denied the rumors, either. The Al Bhed were much more accepting of differing sexuality than the Yevonites were. A few raised eyebrows and smirks didn't offend Gippal in the least.
They didn't offend Baralai, either, as far as Gippal could observe. The Al Bhed had readily taken Baralai in, almost as if he was one of their own. Gippal had heard them claim that a friend of his own was a friend of theirs. Besides that (and Gippal would never admit this to Baralai), the people of Djose Temple were entertained by Baralai. His lack of knowledge concerning machina and Al Bhed history made him easy to impress, as many of the children soon discovered. Also, his immense politeness and different customs were something new to the Al Bhed, much like the snow that fell during the winter.
"Gippal… I think it might be a good idea if I lie down."
Baralai's voice jolted him from his thoughts. Studying Baralai closely, he felt like kicking himself. He was obviously not feeling excellent, his skin containing a grayish tint, damp with sweat. "I think it'd be a freaking great idea. You look kind of pale, and for you…that doesn't happen everyday."
Baralai laughed quieter than he normally would have, considering he was now attempting to overcome the aftereffects of the speech. "Most would not say…I'm pale at all."
"I guess they'd be right… Do you want me to come with you?" Gippal was concerned. Whenever Baralai was ill, he believed it was his duty to take care of him. It satisfied him immeasurably to aid someone he loved.
Baralai, who had already been heading for Gippal's bedroom, turned around with an amused expression on his face. "All right, but I wouldn't recommend…"
Gippal put his hands up in the air, shaking his head. "I get it, I get it. Or else…puke."
"Exactly."
Smiling, they walked off. Gippal caught sight of quite a few mischievous grins tossed in their direction. If they only knew the real reason for the bedroom retreat… The Praetor had a fear of public speaking.
--- Past:
"Gippal?"
He was thinking about what everyone had been calling their "final operation as candidates." So far, he had been unusually silent, as had Baralai, Paine, and Nooj. "Yeah?" Gippal didn't glance up, gazing at the patterns the tip of his boot had made in the dirt.
"Um…may I kiss you?"
Forget patterns in the dirt. Gippal's head shot up so fast, he thought his neck might snap. "What?"
But Baralai wasn't kidding. His eyes were honest and serious. "We haven't…kissed for two days, ever since…"
"Oh." Gippal examined the ground, felt his face grow hot. "I didn't want to…dirty you."
"Gippal…" A tan hand grasped his arm.
He couldn't look up at Baralai, not now. "No, I know what you're going to say, Baralai. It was dirty. They were…all over –"
"Stop," Baralai interrupted gently. "You're not… You could never be… I don't…know what's going to happen."
"The test?" His voice wafted away from him so that he could hardly hear it. He was too anxious.
"Yes."
Gippal lifted his head up, meeting Baralai's eyes. "Baralai… No matter what happens during this thing, I'll always –"
He didn't get to finish. Baralai brought a hand up to clasp around the nape of his neck, drawing him closer, and brushed his lips over Gippal's in a quick motion. He seemed hesitant, like he was waiting for some kind of permission, which Gippal granted to him. Opening his mouth, he allowed Baralai's tongue to sensually glide over his. Kissing him like this was lovely, and Gippal realized how much he had missed it in the last couple of days. He was content to simply melt into Baralai. Automatically, his hands began to wander…
"You two are out in the middle of camp," someone reminded him.
Gippal blinked at Baralai. He hadn't said it, so… Twisting around, he determined the origin of the warning. Paine.
"Ahhhh!" he screamed in terror, cowering in Baralai's arms.
"Paine –" Baralai started, but it came out as more of a squeak.
Gippal had overcome his fright fast enough to grin. "How long have you been sitting there?"
"Since right before you jumped each other. I was going to tell you that it's time to go, but you obviously had more important things to do." Her tone was not angry, upset, or annoyed, to Gippal's surprise. She was smiling. Perhaps she had accepted it…? It certainly appeared to be that way. "By the way, anyone could have caught you. And Nooj told us to look out for you."
Gippal groaned in embarrassment. "He didn't."
"Oh, he did," Paine confirmed, laughing. "Come on… We wouldn't want to be late."
Gippal followed her, trudging a bit behind on purpose.
"Wait, I…" Baralai whispered. "…love you."
"That's what I was going to tell you, but you interrupted me in such a nice way." He winked.
"You…" Baralai affectionately touched his elbow.
"E muja oui."
---
Running. His legs had a mind of their own. He didn't have to think to move them. He couldn't think to begin with. Fear swarmed rampantly in his insides, coiling up in his stomach and climbing up to his heart, stabbing, clenching.
Breaths. Panting. The thudding of footsteps and a pounding in his ribcage. He gasped for air, but it wasn't a priority. The only thing that mattered was immediate escape, that they all made it.
They. Baralai and Nooj. They could later tell him that this had really happened, that he wasn't going insane. Or maybe this was all a nightmare. He would wake up frightened, and Baralai would comfort him sleepily and reassure him. Then he would go back to sleep, drifting off to the sound of Baralai's breathing.
His hope was like paper to a flame.
---
"Please… Let's just stop…" Gippal wasn't pleading like that. Was he?
"We're almost there…" Nooj forced out, sounding like it was difficult for him to speak.
"No… No… Where is there?" He couldn't believe it. He had said it.
"I think it's safe to rest for a minute…" Baralai managed, echoing Gippal's sentiments. "Or else we'll never make it…"
They all silently agreed, at last halting in front of the inn on Mi'ihen Highroad. Walking up the hill, he stumbled and had to drag himself back up. He heard the thump of Baralai landing next to him, exhaled as his feverish forehead was pressed to Baralai's cool coat and fingertips massaged his scalp.
"Beautiful sunset…" Gippal wheezed, leaning into Baralai's touch.
"I hope…Paine's all right…"
"If you brats will…stop talking…you'll catch your breath," Nooj advised wearily.
They were quiet for a moment, observing the sunset. Its colors were so like blood, glorious reds, blending and burning.
"Thanks for the tip, Noojster."
"Your knee is bleeding," Baralai noticed, gripping the straps of Gippal's boot, ready to take a look at it.
"It's okay. I'm fine," Gippal insisted. "It's just from when that bastard tripped me outside that…place…" He shifted to lie on the grass and let his attention linger on the blazing sunset. "They won't hurt Paine. She was employed by them to record…"
"But if she follows us, it puts her and us at great risk," Nooj replied.
"She will," Baralai predicted. "I know it."
A sudden thought occurred to Gippal. "We almost died." Giddy, nearly hysterical laughter tumbled out of his mouth. "We almost died! Did you hear how shocked she was? Did you?"
"Gippal…" Troubled brown eyes found him.
"Cunno (Sorry), you must think I'm going crazy."
Nooj chuckled sadly. "This is the only time you have a decent excuse for it."
"This is the only time you have a decent excuse to be so damn fatalistic." Gippal rolled his head to the side to witness Nooj's reaction.
"Won't you give us an eulogy?" Baralai added.
"…This would not be a terrible way to die. With the sunset like this."
Gippal laughed miserably. "And there you have it. Y'know, for just a second, after they told us we really made it, and I thought it was true, I felt so happy…"
Baralai placed a hand on his shoulder. "Gippal…"
He said no more on the subject.
---
A bang. Like…a gunshot.
Horror flooded him, choking and wrenching, as he watched Baralai fall to the ground. Whirling around in anger and confusion, he was even more terrified at the sight of Nooj holding the gun. Could it be that he had shot Baralai? No, no, it had to be that he was just defend –
The bullet tore into his shoulder, right where Baralai had touched him reassuringly on the hill.
Baralai.
He was next to Baralai now. How did that happen? Stretching his fingers out, he tried to reach him. Anything to get him to open his eyes, to prove he was alive. His mouth opened and shut like a fish's, no sound escaping, as he struggled to speak. Finally, a single word drifted out.
"Baralai…"
He dimly registered Paine screaming and experienced a stab of fear for her life. Exhaustion infiltrated his body. Everything slowed down. Baralai's green coat faded to black.
---
"Gippal? Are you awake, Gippal?"
It was as if his head had been filled with sawdust. The question echoed, bounced around in his skull. Wherever he was, it was warm, clean, white.
"Was it a nightmare?"
"No, it wasn't… And I owe you an apology for holding a gun to your head. I'm so very sorry… I had no control over myself. It was like I was…possessed."
His vision focused. Everything came together. And he remembered more.
"Baralai… It's okay. I understand…but why are we here?"
"The people of the inn took us in and took care of our wounds. They told me that it's been two days –"
"Wha –" Gippal shot up in bed but abruptly collapsed with a cry. "It…hurts…"
"Shh…" Baralai murmured, running a hand over Gippal's chest, which he now realized was bare. "You have to not move around so much. It'll be all right… We both will be. I don't want to inconvenience these people any longer. They've already covered for us a few times. We should leave for Luca tomorrow."
"Nooj…" Gippal whispered hoarsely, crumbling in Baralai's embrace. "Why? What did we do that was so wrong for him to do that to us? I don't understand…"
"I hate him."
"I don't know why I can't," Gippal admitted softly. "I just feel so…blank."
Like the ceiling above them.
---
"Baralai, I'm hungry."
"We could buy some fruit."
They were in Luca. It was where they had been headed in the first place, before Nooj had shot them. Discussing things with him, Nooj had said he understood that Baralai and Gippal wouldn't want to be separated. It would be fine for him and Paine to go their own ways, and then they could all meet up again.
Now all that they had left from either of them was a note from Paine and a stinging reminder of betrayal from Nooj, a hideous residue that had left its mark on both Gippal and Baralai. They rarely spoke of Nooj, and if they did, it was because Gippal brought him up. Baralai would tactfully move on to something else.
"Hmm… How about berries?" Gippal inspected them as carefully as he could but wasn't sure what to look for. They had never had any like these on Bikanel Island. "Baralai, you've got to help me with this, or else I… Baralai?"
But Baralai wouldn't answer. He was frozen in place, staring with wide eyes, wrist trapped by the man across the fruit stand counter. Baralai had never stolen before, so why was…?
"You look just like her," the man breathed. "Shit, this is unbelievable."
Baralai was trembling.
"Hey, let him go!" Gippal angrily protested, making a move to grab Baralai. This situation was horribly wrong somehow.
"He's my son."
Gippal was stunned. Oxygen didn't make it to his lungs.
"One day, he caught them…and killed them both. Then he left, without another word to me or to anyone else. He was found a year later and forced into prison. I haven't seen him since… It's possible he died."
None of this person's physical traits matched Baralai's. He was pale and had dark hair and quite a bit of stubble. Baralai must have taken mostly after his mother…
"I am not your son," Baralai ground out. "You're a murderer!" He snatched his wrist away, stepping back unsteadily, almost losing his balance.
He received a dark chuckle in response. "It wasn't murder… She cheated on me. That's why I'm not in prison anymore. 'A crime of passion,' they called it."
This man was making Gippal queasy.
"That's not valid justification," Baralai spat.
He snickered. "The court thought it was. I was so sure you would be overjoyed if we met again. It's been so long since I've seen you. How disappointing…"
"I always disappointed you. Mama and I were never good enough for you."
"Baralai… Let's go." He tugged on his arm. "You don't have to put up with this."
"Who the fuck are you? His boyfriend?" Harsh laughter.
Gippal had to bite his tongue on that one. Something about their expressions must have been telling. Or perhaps it was the lack of vehement denials. Whatever it was, it caused his smile to dissolve into a sneer.
"That's disgusting and shameful… My own son is a faggot," he hissed, revulsion creeping into his tone. "I guess I should have expected such abnormalities from her. She was a fucking slut, and I bet you're no better. An Al Bhed… You're the company you keep."
"Then I must be a wonderful person –" He broke off, twisting away, and cut through the crowd.
"Baralai! Wait!"
---
He knew the lady at the hotel desk had given them an odd look. It didn't matter. Baralai needed to get away, and Gippal wasn't about to be the one to deny him that. He was desperate, rushing out of a corner he had been backed into.
It was the reason Baralai fumbled with the key to their room, losing his grip again and again. His hand was shaking too much. The door finally cracked open, and Baralai wasted no time flinging it open the rest of the way. Gippal stepped falteringly into the dark room, groping for a light switch.
"Bara –"
And was practically slammed into the wall. Lips on his, trailing down to his neck… Hands everywhere, like Baralai was trying to memorize the contours of his body. He didn't even get a chance to react, and then…
Baralai let out a sob, crumpling helplessly in his arms. "Please, I need…"
"Sleep," Gippal filled in, steering him toward the bed. "I can't… It wouldn't be right. You're crying…"
He pressed Baralai to him on the bed, cradling the back of his head with a hand, and let him weep. Gut-wrenching sobs, shuddering, consuming, containing so much pain that sometimes no sound came out at all – It tore him apart to witness Baralai breaking down like this.
"I love you, don't you know? I love you."
"I'm sorry…" A sliver of light from the doorway illuminated his tear-streaked face. Bringing a sleeve up, he wiped his eyes. "I am an idiot. Really and truly."
"No, you're not. But since that was the last of our gil, we might as well make the most of it and get a good sleep, so…"
He knelt by the foot off the bed and began to take off their boots. Baralai made no effort to assist him, but he was in such a state that Gippal didn't even comment on it. The chill of the hotel room seeped into his skin, wet from Baralai's tears, when he peeled off his shirt. Tossing the shirt and his eye patch off to the side where he thought their armor might lay, he crawled under the sheets and sought the warmth of skin. Then he remembered he had left the door open.
"Damnit," he mumbled. "Door."
It was a nuisance to get up and close it, and it was an annoyance to get back. In the darkness, he blindly speculated where to walk. Something hard bumped into his shins, causing him to sprawl over the bed. Instantly, there was hot breath on his neck, hands lifting him up and pinning him.
"Please, give me this…"
Fingers slipped into his already unbuckled pants, gliding down his back, and Gippal was lost. He caressed Baralai's thighs and yanked at the pant strings impatiently, somehow managing to undo them, even without sight. It must have been all the times he had previously untied it, which made him recall…that they had never before done this in a bed. He had little time to ponder over it. Baralai was stroking him roughly, harder than he had ever done before, resulting in Gippal nearly ripping his own pants in two as he tried to help Baralai take them off.
"Baralai…?" Uncertainty loitered in his mind. Baralai had never been this…desperate….
He quickly forgot his doubts when Baralai captured his mouth, running his tongue over Gippal's, and ground their hips together. The motion led to the touch of searing flesh, erections brushing up against one another, extracting gasps. Gippal turned his head into the pillow and severed the kiss, leaving his neck vulnerable.
The exposed skin was soon taken advantage of as Baralai started sucking at a leisurely pace and laving the hollow of Gippal's throat with his tongue, going lower… He kissed his chest sweetly, slowly, a direct contrast to the rhythm of their lower bodies and wanting fingers.
"Just – Now…"
He didn't have to make sense for Baralai to understand. "Try the drawer…" he suggested, panting.
Gippal reached over next to the bed and opened the drawer under the nightstand. Sure enough, there was a small bottle of lotion in there. "How many times have you been in a hotel, Baralai…?" Gippal asked mock-suspiciously, raising an eyebrow that he knew Baralai couldn't see.
Baralai laughed breathlessly. "That was…a guess…"
Gippal handed him the lotion and waited. He was always terrible at waiting, and now was no exception. He fidgeted underneath Baralai, straightening at the feel of a chilly substance being spread over his length and between his legs.
"Lumt… (Cold…)" A shiver ran up his spine.
"Turn over…please."
Gippal complied but allowed a smirk to creep onto his features. Baralai was polite as ever. The smile vanished as a finger pushed into him, massaging gently, sliding in and out smoothly. Another finger soon joined it, eliciting soft moans.
"Nnn…"
The fingers were replaced by something else, and before Gippal had a chance to recognize the familiar sensation, Baralai held his hips firmly in place and edged into him. Lips tenderly explored his neck as a hand reached down to touch him intimately, teasingly… Gippal brought one of his own hands up, mimicking the action, groaning and delighting in the pangs of happiness he felt at hearing Baralai make comparable noises. Suddenly, Baralai went faster, shifted –
"Ahn!" Various colors sparked behind his eyelid. Writhing uncontrollably, Gippal bit his bottom lip and dug his fingers into the mattress.
Baralai wasn't violent by any means, but he was…more forceful this time. Also louder. He whispered Gippal's name like it was part of a sinful prayer, an unattainable wish, and that puzzled Gippal, because he was right there. It was only a brief moment of thought, because he would be the first one to confess that he didn't mull over much during moments like this. He couldn't, not with such delicious distractions.
Heat collected in his body, growing and feeding off pleasure, until…
Like a dam, it burst.
Gippal came with a faint cry, arching and bending back, before settling. "Baralai…" Warmth filled him, soothing and calming.
Baralai groaned quietly, carefully disentangled himself from Gippal, and kissed his ear innocently, like he hadn't given Gippal something he was sure to feel in the morning.
"What was that about?" Gippal questioned tentatively. He had a feeling something was wrong, but if Baralai didn't want to talk…
"I need a good reason? I was under the impression you were reason enough." Baralai's head hit the pillow next to him.
He was close enough for Gippal to feel breath beating on his face, and yet, he still felt distant right now. It had never been like this before. Baralai had always been with Gippal, no matter how far apart they were in actual location.
"Is it your father?"
Baralai was silent before replying. "…He doesn't deserve that title. He…killed her, and he still destroys her memory today…by calling her those degrading names… And what he called me…"
"I hate that word," Gippal murmured.
"All the times I heard it when I was a child…really hurt me," Baralai remarked bitterly. "I kept how I felt secret, but it still confused me… It didn't seem fair that others could be attracted to the appropriate people, while I liked…boys."
"Who was your first crush?" Perhaps it was ridiculous to ask a question like that, but Gippal had an odd curiosity about it.
"Oh, he was…" Baralai started to recall, and Gippal could hear the smile in his voice. "I don't remember his name. He was…at the restaurant I worked at, and he thought I was a girl, so he would talk to me… I remember he had blonde hair."
Gippal smirked. "What, you have a thing for blondes?"
"Actually, yes."
"It's all about the ass, Baralai. Forget hair color."
Baralai laughed. "So that's why you went after me…?"
"There're many more things I like about you, but you do have an awesome ass." He beamed.
"Why, thank you."
"Don't mention it."
---
"Baralai, I can't get to sleep. Can you just let me read the note?"
"It says the same thing every time," Baralai told him, and Gippal was surprised at how alert he sounded. Looked like he wasn't the only one missing out on sleep.
Despite the answer he had received, Baralai relinquished the note, taking a minute to rummage through his pockets for the said bit of paper. Gippal sat up in bed and clicked on the lamp. The bright light burned into his eye at first, making him squint, and he glimpsed Baralai doing the same to the side of him. He turned over on his stomach, shielding his eye from the harshness of the intense light.
Please don't think I'm abandoning you. I have no choice. These people have agreed to care for you and hide you until you get better. I must leave. I don't know where Nooj is, and I don't know why he did this. I'm sorry. Take care.
-Paine
"Nothing," Gippal muttered. "Not even where she was going. Nothing. Damnit, I can't believe…how much I miss her."
"I'm going to miss you."
"What?" His skin prickled. "Baralai… What did you say?"
Things were coming together, making sense. Why Baralai acted the way he did that night. He wanted to memorize Gippal, to hold him precious before leaving. Other things, however, made less and less sense as the moment of absolute stillness wore on. Like why Baralai would leave him in the first place.
"I said I'm going to miss you," Baralai repeated, voice wavering. "It's true."
Gippal grinned, disbelieving. "No… You've got a long way to worry about that."
"I leave for Bevelle tomorrow."
It would have caused Gippal less pain if someone had shot him in the chest. But then again, Nooj had.
"Baralai? What are you…?" His eye was stinging, and there was no withholding his tears. "Why are you doing this?!"
"Please don't make this harder for me than it already is, Gippal…" The plea was strained. It looked as if he was trying to stop himself from becoming overwhelmed by emotion as well. Visibly failing, he turned away. "I must know the truth."
"Take me with you! Please! Please…" There was no point in protecting his dignity. He was well aware of how pathetic he sounded, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
"They'll kill you."
"They'll kill you!" Gippal cried, grabbing a bare shoulder and forcing Baralai to face him. "Look at me! Is the truth that important?! What bullshit!"
"You're not going to stop me. I need to do this." Baralai was cracking, but it was his resolve that refused to splinter. He gazed up at Gippal with determined but tear-filled eyes, those warm eyes that Gippal loved…like what he was doing…wasn't wrong at all.
Springing up from the bed, not bothering to obtain his clothes, Gippal tore into the bathroom and locked the door. He slumped against the wall, buried his face in his hands, and simply wept. The entire night.
---
In the morning, Baralai was gone.
---
A/N: …Don't beat me! Also, a note on Paine's…well, note. XD Bad pun. In the little scene where you can follow Gippal into Bevelle Temple and watch Baralai get possessed, it's mentioned that Baralai knew Nooj shot Paine, while Gippal had no idea. In the sphere in which the shooting takes place, we see that Gippal and Baralai were shot down before seeing Paine get shot. I'd like to believe they stuck together for a bit after this. So that leaves Paine by herself, hence the note. But how did Baralai know of her getting shot? Well, I think Nooj might have told him before Gippal arrived in the temple…
Next chapter: Gippal searches for safety and, later on, Baralai.