Disclaimer: Square owns FFX-2, not me.
A/N: Yep, contains sex. And masturbation. What?! – looks around – Gippal really misses Baralai. A lot. There's gotta be some reminiscing on his part.
Thanks to: JokaJoker, Jade Samurai (Not so much torture in this chapter!), Wai-Aki, Rageful Fairy (I once superglued my fingers together. Er, more than once. Haha. And bad things in Bevelle? – whistles innocently –), Yoink Daydurfurits, Angelus Errare (Thank you for the cookies! Nooj is a bitch, but it isn't his fault. He was possessed, so I had to follow through with that. Personally, I like using him as comic relief. XD As for the angst, there is some in this chapter, but well…you'll just have to see.), DemonButtercup, EternalDarkness-2, Kirie Himuro (I played Fatal Frame for a very short time, because I rented it. In a word, awesome. If I had enough money, I would buy it.), Magenta Fox (Do you like Seymour? Uh-oh. Don't beat me up! There will be mentions about how he kind of was…not so nice, in the next chapter.), Absolute Alcohol (Glad you're satisfied. I'm happy you said that you like to give out constructive criticism, because I really do appreciate that. And…sweet Jesus on a pogo stick! Bounce, bounce away! XD), Shinnyu Kudzu (I think the legislature sucks, too. Damn. It really does. And…you have my permission to cause great harm to Baralai's father!), and New Guy (I think Gippal rocks, too! I'm glad you mentioned dialogue…because that's my favorite thing to write. And I'm…not the best. There are lots of good writers out there. But thank you. By the way, there is something oddly pleasing about your name.).
Chapter Nine – Requited
In the morning, Baralai was gone. The empty spot in the bed didn't surprise Gippal, because Baralai had slept earlier than usual on account of his queasiness. He figured he was already eating breakfast.
Gippal trudged tiredly outside, where he was greeted by warm morning air, a glowing sunrise, and most wonderful, Baralai sitting on the ground, munching a piece of toast and sipping coffee.
"Good morning." He smiled brightly.
"Since when did you become such a morning person, Baralai?"
"Since I was able to gain hours of sleep without staying up late doing piles of paperwork."
Gippal sighed and plopped down next to Baralai. "I swear, they work you to death. Even though you have beautiful handwriting, that's not the only thing you're good at."
Baralai arched an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting I become a prostitute?"
"Good, great Farplane, Praetor. You scandalize me with your outrageous sexual notions." He clapped his hands up to his own face teasingly.
Baralai laughed. "Can you ever manage to forgive me now?"
"Absolutely." Gippal picked up Baralai's momentarily forgotten coffee cup and drank a large gulp out of it, winking as he did so.
"Ah! My coffee!" Baralai protested, making a grab for it.
"Hey, you abandoned it!" But he relinquished it, anyway. "Oh, and for your information, when I said you were good at other stuff, I meant like…speeches." Gippal grinned, awaiting Baralai's reaction.
"Yes, if vomiting and shaking are signs of 'being good' at something."
Gippal could tell he was amused, though.
"Oh, and you have a letter," Baralai informed him, dropping a white envelope on his lap.
"Did you hold it up to the sun?" He smirked slyly.
"I would only do that if I were you, journal-reader," Baralai replied pointedly.
Gippal's mouth hung open. "What?! Paine told you?!"
"Oh, she didn't just tell me. She gave me a five-hour lecture outlining every single detail and also included many valid reasons about why you were wrong. I have to say, she was very convincing."
"Ugh! She…!" Gippal grimaced. "I said I was sorry!"
"All right, I believe you…" He gestured to the letter in Gippal's lap. "Are you going to open that letter any time soon?"
Gippal had a feeling that Baralai had changed the subject so soon on purpose. "Looks like someone is curious," he noticed, tearing the paper.
"It is from Bikanel…" Baralai pointed to the address.
"Really?" Gippal was elated. He hardly ever received mail from Bikanel, and if he did, it meant it was from Neona and Anyata. Most of the time, the letters would be in Al Bhed, but Neona had learned to speak Spiran and occasionally practiced by writing to him. Gippal remembered that he had learned Spiran at an incredibly young age, and it had come in handy. His spelling in the language still wasn't fantastic, but Baralai was always willing to help him out with it, just as Gippal would assist him with the Al Bhed language.
His eye scanned the paper, and immediately, he realized something was off. It was formally written, apologetic, and in handwriting he didn't recognize…
"Gippal?" Baralai touched his arm. "What's wrong?"
Gippal hardly felt it. He was held prisoner by the contents of the letter, reading the last lines over and over again. "Oh… I… I…"
"…Gippal? What…?"
"Neona has to come live here." He was numb. The words on the page were running together.
"Why?"
"Anyata… She… Baralai, she died."
--- Past:
Gippal wasn't sure if he should look for Baralai. He had up and left him, after all. Just like that. Gippal had never said or heard parting words of comfort, either. No "goodbye"s or "I love you"s or "take care of yourself"s.
Gippal wondered if it might actually kill him. He rarely ate and slept few hours while drowning out the persistent idea that something was missing by working insane hours at the temple.
It didn't help at all. Nothing did.
In the run for his safety, Gippal had traveled to many places, but Djose Temple had to be the most ironic of them all to hide from Yevonites. All right, so he admitted that Bevelle Temple itself would have been. At least he would have been able to see Baralai there, chances were.
Sometimes Gippal was too angry to think about missing Baralai. Other times, like tonight, it felt like a few of his organs were misplaced, wedged in the wrong areas. Or gone completely.
Now his cheeks were tinged pink with arousal and…shame? He didn't think so. However, he did have the notion that some would consider what he was doing to be wrong, even disrespectful of his memory of Baralai. The truth was that he needed him not only emotionally but physically as well. There was no physical closeness with anyone else after Baralai. Gippal knew he couldn't do it without feeling like he was betraying both himself and Baralai. It wouldn't be the same ever again for him unless it was him.
This wasn't the same, either. It was a poor substitute, but it was all he had.
Eyelids fluttering shut, Gippal gripped himself tighter, quickening the speed that his hand moved inside his pants, gasping as a thumb ran over his head. He pictured Baralai turning to him, smiling, laughing. Baralai…against white sheets…flushed and bare… His dark skin was always a stunning contrast to the fabric.
"Baralai…" he moaned softly, straining with that growing heat above his hips. "I –"
He went to pieces, trembling uncontrollably, victim to the explosions lighting off on his nerves.
"– need you."
Breathing heavily, he looked to the window, where stars already illuminated the dark.
"Do you know any constellations?" Baralai asked, folding his arms behind his head as he examined the sky.
"Yeah," Gippal answered, joining him on the sand. "That one's Mnemosina." He pointed to the said constellation. "Old legend – that we don't follow anymore – has it that she's the keeper of memories. The Al Bhed aren't as fond of her."
"Memories are just memories," Baralai recalled.
"Exactly." Gippal smiled at him. "But lately, I've been thinking that memories are more… I mean, do we repeat that old saying just to feel better about all the bad things that have happened to us?" He studied the outline of Mnemosina again. "I think we have to take the bad with the good. Without our memories, we're nothing."
"Someday, this will be only a memory." A thought, more like a fear, really, uttered gently.
"But, Baralai, you will always be a part of me." He rolled on his side, taking Baralai's hands in his own, and matched the gaze he was facing with one just as serious. "Because I'd sooner forget my name than forget that I love you."
The stars held no answers.
---
Gippal was nervous. He scratched the back of his head, shifted in the chair, shuffled his feet. His friends at Djose Temple had told him that gaining the Praetor's permission for something like what Gippal had planned, starting a machina revival program in the temple, would be next to impossible. Despite the grim odds, he had taken heart in the fact that Bevelle had a new Praetor, who he had heard was surprisingly very lenient in cases that the abundant conservatives of Bevelle weren't.
He wondered if he would see Baralai again and also what would say or do if he did. So far, there was no sign of him anywhere, to Gippal's immense disappointment. Maybe he shouldn't have even hoped –
Gippal started at the creaking of the office door. It had better be the Praetor. This was worse than waiting in line to register for desert digging. After sitting in that hard wooden chair for what he thought might be two hours, his butt was getting a little sore. Not that he had never experienced that feeling before.
"Sorry to keep you waiting. There was –"
For a moment, Gippal could say nothing. There was a pounding sound, somewhere. It took him a second to discover that it was only the blood rushing in his ears. He was looking into warm brown eyes belonging to…Baralai.
"Gip…pal…" Baralai stammered weakly, groping for a solid surface to lean against and finding the desk.
"I was hoping I'd find you here…" Gippal managed. "I…can't believe it's really you…"
"Is that why you came?" Baralai questioned, voice only slightly steadier than before.
"No," Gippal confessed. "It was something else, but I could tell you later… If you want, anyway. I don't mean to, um…upset you." He pulled at his sleeve anxiously and stared at the floor.
"Upset me? You're the one who should be upset, Gippal…" Baralai murmured desolately. "I'm amazed that you're not furious at me."
Gippal lifted his head up at this, observing Baralai's slumping form. "I was angry sometimes, but…I couldn't stay that way, because…" He trailed off, unsure if it would be dangerous to finish.
"Why? I don't deserve your kindness."
"Hey, stop that. I still…care for you, Baralai. That's why." Gippal laughed quietly, shaking his head. "I still…"
"I never stopped, either. I…missed you so much."
"Was it worth it, Baralai?" He wasn't sure what compelled him to ask, and he wasn't sure if he should've in the first place. Gippal did forgive Baralai, but he had to know. "Was it?"
"I…don't know," Baralai was nearly inaudible. "I've found the truths I wanted to, but you –"
"It's okay. I had to let you do things on your own. We're both free people." It made sense, but it left a burgeoning pain in his chest. It hurt to rationalize the suffering he went through. Yet, he knew what he said was true. He wasn't bound to Baralai…or was he? In a way, he supposed he always would be.
Baralai appeared to be startled. "How can you say that after…?"
"I forgive you," he whispered.
Baralai's eyes widened in understanding. "May I…look at you?"
He stood and walked toward Baralai unsteadily, coming closer… Gippal was still having a difficult time grasping the situation. Within a foot of Baralai, he stopped and lowered his head, not knowing if he could risk looking at him in a proximity that close.
"You've grown."
It'd only been a few months. Then again, he wasn't physically an adult yet.
"You're seventeen now?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, um…" Baralai tried. "You probably would like that paper signed?"
Gippal's head swung up. This was a surprise. "How did you know?"
"They told me." He shook his head. "They were so sure I'd dismiss it, but I see nothing wrong… Here, I'll go get it."
Gippal should've felt relief, happiness, but all he felt was a resounding echo of fear. Baralai started off for the desk, but Gippal reached out and snatched his arm steadfastly.
"Baralai, stop. Why is this so…wrong?"
"What I did to you…" He breathed in sharply and turned away. "You won't even look at me."
"I was worried that if I did that, I would…" How could he explain this without getting into trouble? Gippal could feel his face burning. Great. "We were pretty close, and I didn't want to do anything stupid."
"Stupid…?" Baralai's eyelashes skirted against his tan skin. His expression and the way he was leaning in struck Gippal as familiar.
He knew what was going to happen a moment before it did, but that didn't spur him to step back any more. Baralai's eyes closed…and then he pressed his lips to Gippal's. Gippal was frozen, eye wide-open, lips parted. When Baralai didn't get a response, he pulled away, his face reflecting hurt.
"I apologize." He glanced away. "That was wrong of –"
Gippal didn't hesitate this time. Cutting him off, he wound fingers in his hair and returned the kiss, allowing his other hand to trail lower and skate over the ridges of Baralai's spine. He felt a shudder ripple through the other's body, and the mouth touching his opened, granting him access. Baralai's tongue slid over his, sensually caressing and exploring, causing him to swallow a low groan from deep within his throat.
It was so easy to lose control. So easy. He was already introducing Baralai to the idea that the desk might be good for something other than mulling over tedious paperwork. Gippal had his own versions of "mulling" and "tedious" and didn't mind having to pin Baralai to the desk to show him them.
"Not…here…" Baralai panted as Gippal's hand crept down their bodies and massaged the area between his legs. He reacted by dragging himself up, nipping and sucking the skin of Gippal's neck.
"You say something like that before doing something like that?" Gippal laughed breathlessly.
Baralai examined his handiwork. "It suits you."
"Considering that it probably looks like a blob, I don't know if I should take that as…a compliment?" He pretended to ponder over this while his hand artfully returned to its previous activity.
"Bedroom. Now," Baralai advised in a mock-serious tone. When Gippal didn't relent, he added, "Gippal, I mean it…"
"Easy for you to say." He laughed. "I have nothing to hide this, uh…"
"If we should happen to run into anyone, you shall be shielded from their view by…" Baralai blindly reached past his head. "…this."
A giant, treacherous-looking pencil sharpener.
"What?! That's hazardous!" Gippal protested. "Just call me Pencil-crotch."
"Pencil-crotch," Baralai replied flatly.
"Or Anti-crotch."
"Anti-crotch."
Gippal groaned. "There is no way I'm doing that…"
---
"I can't believe I'm doing this…"
Baralai's laughter was shortened by the hand on his shoulder.
"Good afternoon, sir. I don't believe we've met." The elderly man indicated Gippal.
"We haven't," Gippal confirmed.
"Are you sure you're all right?" The man was possibly suspicious, perhaps because of their awkward walking.
"Cocksure." Gippal smirked.
Baralai shot a look at him.
"I noticed that you seemed a little ill at ease is all."
"Well, walking down the length of this hall is kind of tiring for me." Gippal sighed dramatically. Despite how uncomfortable it was to hobble down the hall in his condition, he was finding this conversation enjoyable. "Djose Temple isn't this big. But we're just going to go finish up some rock hard paperwork."
Baralai was practically scarlet at this point. Treading lightly on Gippal's foot, he tried to change the course of the conversation. "How's the weather outside today?"
The man chortled, creasing his bushy eyebrows together. "I have no idea! I've been in here all day. Rather depressing."
"There's sort of a snog – er, fog."
"What's that there?" the man asked curiously.
"Oh, just a pencil sharpener." A wink. "I try to sharpen my pencil regularly."
"Ahahaha." Baralai steered Gippal away. "Have a nice day." As they staggered away, he reprimanded, "Gippal! What were you doing?"
"Talking."
"He could have… Oh, here's my room." He stared motionlessly at the door.
"Well… You've got the key, right?" Gippal smiled nervously at him.
"Yes…" Baralai pulled a key from his pocket and shakily twisted it in the lock.
"Butterfingers."
"Heh."
Gippal blinked as the door swung open. "Whoa, what a huge room."
The bedroom had a shiny wood floor, white walls splashed with light from the grand windows, and an enormous bed that looked very inviting, especially given the circumstances.
Gippal awkwardly set the pencil sharpener down on the nightstand as he came in and sat on the bed. He looked up expectantly, but Baralai merely sat next to him on the edge of the bed, picking at his coat and avoiding eye contact with Gippal.
"So…" Gippal began.
Baralai cleared his throat. "It's been awhile."
"Yeah… Maybe we shouldn't –"
Baralai was very good at interrupting. The enticing heat of Baralai's mouth and the hands on his chest distracted him from what he originally planned to say, and at this point, he had entirely forgotten.
"I thought that's what I was going to say…" Baralai breathed hot air into his ear before tracing the edge of Gippal's earlobe with the tip of his tongue.
"Ah –" He brought his knee up to rub provocatively at a conspicuous hardness, eliciting a soft gasp and opening a window for opportunity. Pressing his advantage, he glided fingertips up sleeves, caressing surprisingly smooth elbows. Gippal found it odd, mainly because most people had firm, rough elbows. But then again, everything about Baralai – physically, at least – was soft. Like those…lips…
He tangled a hand in Baralai's hair, coaxing out another kiss, toying with the band around his head until it came free so that he could trail fingers around his scalp. Gippal let his hands slide Baralai's coat off by themselves, not having to see to remember how it went. Nibbling at the patch of tan skin visible above a simple white shirt, he was unprepared for the fingernails raking gently underneath his own shirt.
"Ahn… Baralai…"
Helping each other with their clothing brought forth flashes of memories, old feelings never quite buried… Touching skin, recalling and marveling at how things didn't have to be different… Except, there was something different.
"How'd you get this?" Just a question, innocent enough, or so Gippal thought, as he grazed the curve of a ghostly white scar on Baralai's hip.
Eyes darkened, gaze shifted. Not what Gippal had been expecting when Baralai quietly answered, "Someone cut me there."
"Why?" It was required that he ask, even if his throat was constricting as he spoke, even if there was chance it could mess things up.
"A fight," he murmured. "I know, it's not very…pleasant."
"Pleasant enough to me." He rained down a line of kisses on the scar, each one separate from the next, and then moved onto his stomach, delighting in the tiny noises Baralai wasn't bothering to contain. Gippal dipped his tongue into Baralai's navel and his hand into confining pants, grinning at how the face below his flushed about three shades darker.
"Gippal…"
He raised an eyebrow amusedly. "Hm?" Already working the pants down lean hips. And then…his hand curled around Baralai's sex, tongue darted out to taste the underside, hips bucking up –
"Ah! Gippal…"
Gippal laughed as best he could, for he was finding it a challenge to breathe regularly. "I said 'Hm?'"
"I want to wait until…" Baralai closed his eyes and, wrapping his arms tightly around Gippal's back, pulled him closer.
There were no further words of explanation, but Gippal didn't need any. He understood that the contented, peaceful expression Baralai wore was running in his blood. Smiling, he moved up and placed a kiss on Baralai's forehead.
"I love you."
Baralai's eyes opened slowly, as if he was gradually waking up. Gippal had watched him like this many times, at the moments in the morning when it was neither dark nor light outside and Paine and Nooj were still sleeping.
"And I…love you…"
Baralai reached for his belt, teeth grazing a nipple while his free hand plucked at the other one, and from somewhere inside a thought-devouring haze, Gippal managed to have a sudden revelation.
"Baralai… If I didn't know better, I'd say you have a nipple fetish…"
A laugh. "I'd say you don't know better."
"This answers so many questions…" Gippal informed him, about to toss the pants but coming across an obstacle he had forgotten about. "Boots. The damn things…" he muttered.
Swinging his legs over the side of the bed and tugging them off with his pants, he turned his body halfway around to see…that Baralai had already done the same.
He gaped. "Rumo cred (Holy shit), that was fast…"
"I want this…"
Gippal crawled toward him on the bed, aware of his own breath, quick and hard like the thudding in his chest, and the sagging of the mattress under his weight. "Baralai."
A hand reached for Gippal, arm draped over his shoulders, face nuzzled into his collarbone. "I missed you."
Tackling him playfully, Gippal sent them both sprawling onto the crisp sheets, cool against heated skin. As of yet, he had had no desire to climb into them. It was much nicer to look at Baralai unhindered by things like that, nothing shielding his view of such splendidly painted architecture. Warm, too, he realized as he followed his line of sight with touch.
Baralai was exploring long unvisited territory as well. And the amount of squirming Gippal's body underwent was a good indicator of how he was going about it. Not tentative at all, squeezing and brushing and grasping in a very…enthusiastic fashion. He broke from their kiss but continued to be caught up in relentless grinding.
"Nn, Baralai… Bmayca, E's kuehk du… (Please, I'm going to…)" His voice was so hoarse, he didn't even recognize it. "I…"
He received a nod, and Baralai carefully slipped off his eye patch. "I want to see you…"
"All right…" Steadying himself by placing hands on Baralai's thighs, he glanced around. "Um, you wouldn't happen to just…have some lube lying around…would you?"
"Actually, yes… I still have some of the old left in the drawer, I think."
Gippal raised an eyebrow. "You still have that?"
"I was the one who bought it," Baralai pointed out, breath shallow. "And I haven't had a need for it."
"I swear, it's always in the drawer…" He opened it, pulled out the needed item, and clicked open the cap.
Baralai was unmoving, eyes closed, chest hitching as Gippal spread the lubrication. A finger stretched him, and then another, evoking a shiver, little moans, and then a sharper one –
"Mm!" Baralai tried to arch but was held in place by the hips above his.
Gippal waited for consent, poised between slender legs. "Are you…?"
"Always."
Fingernails dug lightly into his back as he edged forward gently, mindful of how long it had been for them both. So tight… He gritted his teeth. He couldn't rush this, but – Baralai was already setting the pace, and maybe…maybe if he lifted his hips up the tiniest bit –
Pleased at the groan he got in response, Gippal grabbed for a pillow and held Baralai's legs up, slipping a pillow beneath him. "This okay…?"
"Most…definitely…"
Baralai was twisting and trembling against those white sheets, straining, pleading silently for more… More than happy to grant him that, Gippal was swallowed by the heat, the intensity of his emotions, the closeness they had been denied it so long. Faster and harder, and it was still increasing… He knew it was coming to a close soon, could tell by the desperation in his own babbling and how erratic his motions were becoming.
"Bmayca... E haat – Suna, bmayca… (Please… I need – More, please…)"
Nothing could compare to Baralai's loveliness when he came. Gippal was positive of this, and the dazed, relaxed expression that graced the face below his confirmed it. A smile, knowing and slight, grew gradually, and Gippal lost the last of his control, shaking in Baralai's arms.
He pulled out cautiously and turned over to lie next to Baralai, resting his head on the other's chest. Gippal felt the corners of his mouth tug in happiness. The fingers in his hair helped.
"Won't you stay for dinner?" Baralai inquired.
They both laughed wearily.
"Why not? I've just had dessert." Pulse returning to normal, he closed his eyes, exhausted.
"Eating dessert before dinner has never looked this appealing."
Gippal was in agreement.
---
A/N: Just a little note on the Mnemosina/star thing… Mnemosyne is actually the Greek goddess of memory. I did a little spin off her name, because I figured they've never had Greek gods in Spira. It's also why Gippal never says "hell" in this… Man, I really wanted him to say it, too! But they don't have hell in Spira, so no banana for me.
Next chapter: Baralai has something to tell Gippal. And…can these two take care of a little girl? They may need help. Especially when shopping for girls' underwear. Oh, dear.