Disclaimer:  Yay! I own Fushigi Yuugi! *does victory dance*  YATTA!!!!  *notices angry lawyers with lawsuits in their hands, tapping their feet.*  Uhh…..then again…..maybe I don't. 

Ch. 5: Seishis, Seizures, and An Idiot Priestess

       Oh crap, thought Miaka as she gazed at the woman.  She must think I'm nuts…..mmm, chestnuts…..with chocolate…….honey, too……aw hell, chestnuts go with ANYTHING!

Miaka, mentally drooling over chestnuts with icecream and ketchup, almost missed the woman as she cheered," WOW, THAT'S SO COOOOOOOL!!!"

        Miaka sweatdropped as the woman fawned over her hair, ribbons, and clothes.  Her sweatdrop got bigger as the woman asked for an autograph.  Quickly signing the woman's scroll, she asked," So what's your name? I'm Yuuki Miaka!"

        The woman paused for a moment and then smiled saying," I'm Hotohori, but people usually call me something else."

        Miaka had sparkly eyes as she asked," Do they call you Ho-ho? Or Fifi!  I KNEW it, Fifi-chan!!"  Before Hotohori could correct her mistake, they heard a girlish squeal.

        Hotohori exclaimed," That sounds like the terrified squeal of a dashing miser!"

        Miaka asked," Who the what the huh?"  but was quickly shoved into some foliage by Hotohori.        Tamahome and some guards came into view.  Obviously Tamahome was outnumbered, and since he thought in terms of money (it's the amount of coins that counts), he thought he was screwed.

        A guard grabbed his hair and growled," Where's the wench that was with you?!"

        Tamahome whined," Leggo of my hair, it's the sexiest part of me besides my face!"  Miaka, seeing Tamahome's "plight", decided to help him out. 

        "OI, over here!" She called, jumping out of the bushes.  The guards, seeing her, started to run after her.  Tamahome, only knowing that he didn't want the weird little girl hurt, started beating up the guards.  Before he could do any serious damage, though, Hotohori threw off the sheet she was wearing and said," We order you to stop this instant! No one is to harm the boy OR the girl!"

        The guards, noticing Hotohori, immediately dropped to their knees; Tamahome was also kneeling. 

        Miaka, not catching the hint, smartly commented," Huh?"

        Tamahome hissed," Kneel you idiot! You're in the presence of the emporer!"  Miaka started to look in vain for the emporer.  Then she asked," Where's the emporer?" 

        Hotohori chuckled," We are the emporer, Miaka." 

        "WWHHHAAAAATTTT?!" She shrieked. "I didn't know that women could be emporers!"

        Tamahome leapt to his feet and started shaking her while yelling," THE EMPORER IS A MAN YOU IDIOT!!!"  Miaka, not trusting Tamahome, walked up to Hotohori and started poking his chest.

        She astonishedly said," Wow, nothing here." She looked down and said," Maybe I should poke down there just to make sure-"

        Tamahome's voice rang out,"BAKAAAAAAA!!"

*******

        Hotohori, dressed in his royal robes and with his hair stuffed in his crown, chuckled," We are sorry to have deceived you, but we had to assure the counselors that you were not a threat."

        The counselors nodded in agreement and said," Yup, definitely not a threat."  Miaka sweatdropped. 

        Hotohori continued," So we have decided that you both are free to go-" At this point Miaka started doing a victory dance.  Sniggering, Hotohori said," But Miaka, we have a favor to ask you." 

        Miaka looked up from her can-can and thought, Shoot, he's probably gonna ask me to be his love slave or something. 

        "Will you save Konan, Priestess of Suzaku?" 

*******

        A brief explanation of what and who the Priestess of Suzaku was later, Miaka was contemplating her decision.

        "So, I would have to save Kutou?" Miaka asked.

        "NO!" yelled everybody in the vicinity.

        Hotohori shuddered and said," We are asking you to be the priestess of SUZAKU, not of SEIRYU."  The thought of the ugly emporer of Kutou made Hotohori shudder again. 

        "What's the difference?" Miaka asked confusedly.  Really, this is WAY too confusing.  Now, if they were asking me to be the Iron Chef, THEN I would be able to understand what was going on. 

        Tamahome grabbed her shoulders, stared her in the eyes, and said," They are bad.  We are good. Understand?"

        Miaka nodded and said," OH, okay!"  Everybody but her facefaulted. 

        Hotohori composed himself and said," You have already found two of your seishi, so your quest will be that less arduous."  He lowered his collar and a symbol on his neck began to shine a red light.  "I am Hotohori, the sea snake." 

        Miaka shouted," BRIGHT LIGHT!" and fell to the floor, twisting and writhing. 

        "HOLY CRAP! THE PRIESTESS IS HAVING A SEIZURE! GET A DOCTOR, QUICK!" Tamahome yelled.

                                *somewhere Mitsukake was, Mitsukake sneezed*

        After a doctor had managed to get Miaka back on her feet and healthy again, Hotohori cleared his throat, pointed to Tamahome and said," Tamahome is also a constellation of Suzaku, the crab."

        Tamahome muttered," Didn't your mother teach you not to point?" while his symbol shone. 

        "BRIGHT LIGHT!" Miaka shouted again, and once again met up with her friend hardwood floor.

        "GODDAMN IT, WHY DOES THE PRIESTESS KEEP GETTING SEIZURES?!" Hotohori shrieked.

        "I'm surrounded by idiots," Tamahome muttered, as he fingered his money in his pocket.

        "CLEAR!" yelled the doctor as he tried to jump-start Miaka's heart with makeshift electricity, lightning bugs in a jar.