I would like to take up this space to thank all of my reviewers; without you guys, I probably would not have continued posting BY on FF.net. What I thought was mindless crap, you guys called gold! *ahem* Anyway, enough with the serious stuff, now onto the insanity!!! ……ugh, I've just finished Book 1 and I'm already on chapter 10…….^.^;;

Disclaimer: ……..do I even need to do these anymore? *receives dagger glares from lawyers* …..uh, I guess I do……I DON'T OWN FUSHIGI YUUGI, SO GO AWAY SCARY LAWYER PEEPS!!!

Ch. 10: Stuff That Hurts

          "Hang on, so, Hotohori attacks me, proposes to me, and makes me sleep in his bed and you have NOTHING to say about it?!" Miaka complained.  But instead of answering her like a good little boy, Tamahome just turned up his nose at her and stomped off to the market to get some ching-cha-ching-ching.  It was the morning after Hotohori's proposal and, after pulling an all-nighter filled with deep thoughts such as "Is it natural for a hot guy like Hotohori to fall in love with the heroine of the story?" and "Was the EMPORER wearing ducky boxers?"

          "I'm so unloved!" whined Miaka, not noticing the enraged Nuriko behind her, sparking a dark and miasmic battle aura that would make Vegita from Dragonball Z proud.  After making choking motions at Miaka's neck, finally the court lady snapped, shrieking," THIS is what you meant by "we're just friends" ?!?!?!?  HA! More like "Friend with privileges"! HUMPH!"  Finishing her tirade, Nuriko skipped after Tamahome, calling," Wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Don't leave me alone with Slut no miko!"

          Falling to her knees in sadness, Miaka made a face like her puppy was sacrificed to the inner depths of hell (a.k.a. her stomach).  After sitting there for a few minutes, a maid ran by, hysterically singing," I AM THE LINEN FAIRY!! I SHALL SPRINKLE THE LAND WITH DOWNY (™)!!!"

 The psycho maid spotted the kneeling miko, ran up to her and cackled," AH! It is my arch-nemesis, a SCHOOL UNIFORM! The ONLY item of clothing that has the power to shrink and ruin itself upon contact with the holy laundry detergent! A demon I say! I shall smite thee!" The deranged lady then covered her with a linen sheet that had a hint of lemony fresh pine trees.  Finding her duty completed, she pranced away with the grace of a drunk elephant.  However, the sheet gave Miaka an *gasp* idea.  

                   This sheet is just the right size for me to make a disguise to follow Tamahome!

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          "Tama-baby, look at that girl's childish disguise!" Nuriko crowed, loving every minute of her priestess' open show of stupidity.

          "Shut up and leave me alone.  She can be eaten by rabid chipmunks for all I care!"

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          Hearing their cue, the chipmunks started to put their plan in motion.

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          With the sheet draped around her body like a ghost, Miaka was prancing down the street singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and unsuccessfully trying to blend in the crowds.  But with a sense of unity and a perseverance that should be admired, all of the crowds managed to leave a 20 foot distance between them and her.  However, before they could evacuate the scene with their food intact, their attention was distracted by a random young man's voice yelling, "LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND PEOPLE WITH GENDER ISSUES!!!!  I HAVE A DREAM!" 

          "So what?" yelled a person from the crowd.   Tamahome, thinking that he could give the crowd what they wanted, booted the guy off stage and bowed to their applause.

          "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  YOU HAVE ALL HEARD OF THE PRIESTESS OF SUZAKU, RIGHT?"      

          A random woman called out," Of course we have, dipsh*t! BOOOO!  Bring us a hot guy!!!" 

Pointedly ignoring her remarks, Tamahome continued," BEHOLD AND BE AMAZED AT MY SUPER-GENIUS-NESS!!! FOR I AM NOT A TAX COLLECTOR!!!"  Egged on by the audiences cheers (due to the fact that he wasn't stealing money from them yet), he lifted up a pack of Juicy Fruit.

"HERE IS FOOD FROM THE MIK-HOES, ER, I MEAN MIKO'S WORLD! LOOKIT THE FUNNY WRITING ON IT! ONLY A SILVER RYU APIECE!!" Tamahome loudly coaxed. 

"……so he ignores me, steals my food, and tries to sell it?!?!?!" Miaka roared, her eyes suddenly turning red.  However, as fate would have it, the aforementioned chipmunks chose this moment to make their move. All at once, gathering all of the rabid juices within their bodies, they shwooped over to Miaka like a paperclip to a magnet and started chowing down. 

          "AIEEEEIIEIIEIEIIEIEIEEIEI!!!!!" shrieked Miaka, running around in circles, somehow losing the sheet.

"The Suzaku no Miko!"

"Oh my gosh, it's those furry things again! Somebody get the hose!"

"Wow, I wanna poke her many chins!"

          Shaking off the "friendly" forest critters, Tamahome dragged Miaka away from the crowd, somehow losing Nuriko in the process.  Taking refuge in an alley, Tamahome shook her and scolded," What the hell were you thinking?! His highness would have been mortified if his fiancé were to be eaten by fuzzy balls of rabies and stomped to death by villagers!"

          Whimpering with tears in her eyes, Miaka asked," Would you have been sad?" 

          Their little scene was interrupted by somebody clearing their throats.  Tamahome and Miaka looked up to see a bunch of nice-looking middle-aged dudes wearing ancient Chinese versions of business suits. 

          "Pardon me, good sir, but do you have a minute?" one of them with a Cheeto-looking head asked. Cracking up, Tamahome was unable to stop what happened next. 

          Miaka, with saliva flying everywhere, charged with a battle cry of, "CHEETOS BELONG TO ME!!!!  GIMME ALL YOUR FOOOOOOOOOD!! E.T. WANT PIZZA!!"

          "AHHHHHHHHHH!!"  the guy cried, running in rectangles.  However, one of the guys went up to Tamahome and handed him a pamphlet. 

          "These are all of the rules for doing business in this town.  I own this part of the city-" here he flinched as he heard his buddy's howl of pain "-so if you don't comply with the rules, things could get…….not pretty."  Furrowing his brow in thought, Tamahome happened to glance at Miaka to see that the guy was trying to force her away with a knife.

          "MIAKAAAAAA!"  With no other warning, Tamahome knocked all of the guys out, destroying the pamphlet and his long hair in the process. 

          "You idiots……..if you mess with her, then you mess with me."  With that he turned to Miaka and asked," Are you alright?"

          "WHY are you so nice?!  You can't do business here anymore! Tell me why!!" Miaka cried out in fake anguish, hoping to hear her second confession of love in less than a day. 

          "It doesn't matter," Tamahome coldly replied.

          "It does to me! Can't you see I'm falling in love with you?!" she nearly shrieked.  Upon realizing what she said, she gasped, unaware until that moment that she actually DID have feelings for the martial artist.

          Tamahome was off in his own little world.  Wow.  The PRIESTESS has feelings for ME?!  Hang on, maybe I should play hard to get…….Yeah, that's a GREAT idea!  Since she confessed to ME, things probably are the OPPOSITE in her world, so girls confess and guys play cold!

          " ……sorry.  I can't say that I feel the same.  I've only been hanging out with you because you're the Priestess of Suzaku." 

          Upon hearing this, Miaka felt hot, cold, hungry, and thirsty at the same time.  Not to mention the heartache!  So, to get herself out of painful reality, she rammed her head against a wall, falling into sweet unconsciousness.  

          Tamahome, upon hearing a *CRACK* whipped his head around, only to see his miko fall to the ground delirious and with blood spewing out of her head.

          "Shoot, and here I'm going to have to waste precious money to have somebody fix her up!"