Hi again, loyal fans! *beams* I feel so loved! So many reviews! So many, many……*is carted off by men in white* BUT DOMO ARIGATOU TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO CLICK THE BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE!!!!! On a more serious note, it would be awesome if you guys tell me what is good, what is ugly, and what is just plain wrong (like the reviewer that informed me how to spell Emperor….^_^;; ) ; seriously, looking back, the whole Hotohori's "guess who" thing was just…….yeah. Moving on. But wow, everybody is so protective over Chichiri! But since this story is making fun of Fushigi Yuugi (sort of), I have to poke a LITTLE fun at him, but I'll tone it down a bit. Happy? Right. Oh yeah, one more thing: I'm kinda following the manga arc for this fic ( for moments like when Tamahome's hair gets chopped off instead of like the anime in which he keeps his hair) so yeah. Kay. Now onwards to the next chapter!!!
Disclaimer: ¡No es de mi! It's not mine! So don't sue me!!!!
Ch. 11: Self-Discovery
"Oh, Miaka…….look how she suffers so!" cried the distraught Konan emperor (A/N: :P hehehhe…….spelled it right!).
"I'm lookin' alright," muttered a distracted Tamahome as he watched Miaka's shirt slip and reveal some cleavage. Thwopping him on the head and covering up his priestess, Hotohori then resumed his vigil over the unconscious, sick, and hungry Suzaku no miko. Nuriko, Tamahome, Hotohori, and a couple random doctors were in Miaka's room back at the palace, where Miaka was literally receiving the royal treatment for her measly fever and scratches.
Suddenly realizing something, the bishonen emperor whipped his head over to glare at Tamahome and, with a voice laced with venom, inquired in a low voice," WHAT exactly happened in the city? Your future depends on your response!"
Tamahome started," Well, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the sickest of times, it was the healthiest of times. It was the lamest of-"
Hotohori lashed out," We demand that you get your head out of your ass and tell us already! Be a man!" He paused and waved while the doctors cheered him on. The bishonen emperor added," Well, you can't POSSIBLY be as manly as we are, but TRY."
Tamahome internally groaned but honestly stuttered," We were walking. And then the chip-headed dude. And there was a KNIFE! And oh, the wham and the pow and the OUCHIE and my HAIR!!! Fluttering to the ground! And I was trying to grow it out too!" By now Tamahome was sulking, depressed for his shorn locks.
Sweatdropping, the entire room fell into an awkward near-silence; the only sound was munching made by Nuriko, who was acting as a spectator to some glorious chick-flick marathon, adding to that effect by eating candy stolen from Miaka.
Breaking the "silence", a particularly old doctor remarked," Suzaku no miko-chan has such a feeble mind……I doubt that the stress from receiving such an arduous task has been received lightly. She must be exhausted, mentally AND physically. I suggest-"
"M-mom………." Moaned the unconscious miko as she shifted.
In awe that she could manage to move that humongous blob of fat she called a body without popping a vein, Hotohori murmured in awe," Miaka……."
Tamahome said in a flat tone," You wanna go home, huh? Idiot…… What kind of man would fall for that stupid "I'm sick so you have to let me do whatever I wanna" crap?" She moaned louder and Tamahome jumped, started rubbing her feet, and said," Of COURSE we'll get you home, sweetie! Just leave this to Big Brother!"
Hotohori abruptly left his chair and ordered," We shall discuss this in our boardroom." With that, he walked out the door.
However, everyone was left in a state of confusion.
"Did he mean "we" as in he, himself, and ……uh, he?" one of the doctors asked.
An advisor added without confidence, "Heika-sama is not insane…..….I think he means that we should accompany him."
"Listening to the third person was too confusing!" Tamahome griped.
Hotohori popped his head back into the room and sternly commanded," WE shall discuss this NOW! Stop dawdling or we shall send you to the palace chibi-torture chambers!"
The room couldn't have been emptied faster if it was stuffed with dozens of active Furbies. I mean, who wanted to get a horrible, long-lasting make-up job by the residents of the palace day-care? As soon as they started scampering out the door, Miaka began her requests for hamburgers, Orlando Bloom, and her neighbor's dog Sparky. Huffing in disbelief, the lagging Nuriko slammed the door behind her, leaving Miaka stirring to the land of the awake.
Uh……What happen- WAIT! My senses are tingling! My head hurts! I feel like I'm gonna puke! That can only mean one thing........someone has messed with my food stash!!!! GRRRRR!!!! I'LL KILL 'EM!!!!
********
"We are stuck between a rock and a hard place," Hotohori lamented.
They had been in the boardroom for almost a half an hour discussing possible cures for the ailing miko. Okay, so maybe the first five minutes was wasted waiting for their tea to arrive because NOBODY can have a serious conversation without their tea……and alright, so what if they took a twenty minute gambling break? So, in all actuality, they had only been talking for about five minutes and they were already stumped.
Tamahome suggested," Hey, I know! I can beat the crap out of her!"
" Yeah, let's do it! That's a GREAT idea!" Nuriko agreed.
A puzzled advisor inquired," How would that help with Suzaku-no-miko-chan's illness, Tamahome-sama?"
Confused, Tamahome cocked his head to the side and said," Illness? She's sick? I was just suggesting ways to deal with her obesity problem!"
With that, Nuriko burst out laughing.
*10 minutes later*
"Oh……oh…….my head, my sides….." Nuriko gasped, reeling from her laughing spree.
Hotohori began, "So anyway-"
"DAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Nuriko interrupted, apparently not finished yet. Sweatdropping, the room waited for her to finish her giggle-fest. A couple seconds later, the womanly seishi calmed down.
Wishing to test her out, Tamahome seriously looked her in the eye and simply said," Carrot."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, my sides, my sides…teheHEHAHAHEEHEAAHAHAAAA!" Nuriko burst out.
"BAD Tamahome!" Hotohori reprimanded, swatting him on the head. Whining, Tamahome fell over pretending to be dead. This only made Nuriko laugh harder.
"And these are the people we are relying on to save our country?" whispered one advisor to another. He sweatdropped to find his "listener" fast asleep.
"We are so shit outta luck."
**********
The world was a horrible, horrible place that had too many spinning walls and dazzling lights. At least, something along those lines was in Miaka's head after she gave up trying to get up. Sulking in her bed with the covers up to her chin(s), she recalled with a jolt a horrible memory of what had happened not too long ago.
********Memory sequence**********
"I'd like the cheesiest cheese sticks you've got!" Miaka proudly told the waiter as she and Yui sat in a restaurant. The waiter returned some minutes later with their food. Chomping into her food, Miaka made a heart-wrenching discovery.
"HEY! THERE'S NO CHEESE IN THESE!!"
********End Memory Sequence*******
Sniffling, Miaka whimpered," That was the worst day of my life…." Then, with another jolt, she remembered something else.
********Memory Sequence********
"Miaka, show me your report card," Mrs. Yuuki said to a few months younger Miaka.
"Okay Mom!" the soon-to-be Suzaku no Miko chirped. Mrs. Yuuki, read the grades and what they meant out loud.
"Well, in Math and Japanese you got a B, "boy you're stupid". In Science, you got an S, "sucks". In English you got a Y, "you don't even WANNA know". In History you got a C , "can't do shit". And in Gym, you got a K, "kids will laugh at you forever"." Mrs. Yuuki glanced up from the paper. "Miakaaaa….."
"EEP!" let out a scared, chibi Miaka.
"YOU INSUFFERABLE LITTLE IDIOT! WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY WHEN THEY HEAR OF WHAT YOU GOT?! HOW CAN I BRAG ABOUT THESE KIND OF GRADES?! YOU'RE GROUNDED!"
******End Memory Sequence*********
Groaning, Miaka sighed," Why is this all coming back to me NOW? If I remember any more depressing stuff, I think I'm gonna kill myself!" Ironically, she finally remembered WHY she was in bed.
********Memory sequence*********
"WHY are you so nice?! You can't do business here anymore! Tell me why!!" Miaka cried out in fake anguish.
"It doesn't matter," Tamahome coldly replied.
"It does to me! Can't you see I'm falling in love with you?!" she nearly shrieked.
After a moment of silence, Tamahome said," ……sorry. I can't say that I feel the same. I've only been hanging out with you because you're the Priestess of Suzaku."
*******End Memory Sequence*******
"Guuuuuuuuh!" Miaka incoherently complained. Where was a snuggle-buddy when you needed them?! However, Miaka wasn't left to think for very long before the door opened to reveal Hotohori.
"Ho-Hotohori….." she mumbled distantly.
"How are you feeling, Miaka?" He asked gently.
Not wanting to worry him, she fakely smiled and tittered," Oh, I'm peachy-keen! Right as a rainbow!"
Raising his eyebrow at the missaid quote, he proceeded to tell her," Miaka, you no longer need to worry. We have found a way to return you to your world."
"WHAT?! REALLY?" Miaka exclaimed, immediately hyper.
Chuckling, the young emperor explained," Yes. We must go to where Tai Itsukun, the oracle and creator of this world, dwells. The journey will be long and perilous, but we will be by your side……… Oh yeah, Tamahome and Nuriko are coming, too. We think." He paused and shook his head to clear his thoughts. Then, he guiltily admitted," Miaka, we are sorry. We have placed too many demands upon you. But please……" He looked into her eyes,"….Please, after you regain your health in your world and maybe lose a few pounds-" Here Miaka glared at him"- return to my kingdom…..and to me."
*********
Tamahome stood up from his position of peeking on the miko and emperor from the keyhole. He indifferently turned to walk away when a large stone monkey was thrown at his head. Not noticing that the Oni-seishi was knocked out, Nuriko began her complaints.
"You IDIOT! YOU dumped HER, so stop acting so jealous! Be a man and tell her how you feel, or MY Hotohori-sama will become even MORE infatuated with that twit!........Tama-baby?" She kicked Tamahome's body slumped on the floor. A trickle of blood started leaking onto the floor from his head.
"Uh…..I'll leave you to, uh, process what I said….um……BYE!" With that, Nuriko zoomed off and left Tamahome to be found by someone else. The countdown for departure had begun.