[Thank you to the latest commenter. I've been meaning too write, honestly, it's just been hard to get motivated again. But here I am -- thank you again. This one is short but this was just quickie- you guys just wait!! I have something a little different in the works that will be Chap 4... I'm excited. You too?]
They say when you die you see the light. That every question is answered once this light emerges. It carries you away from everything you had built, all your hopes, dreams, and fantasies are washed away. For the sake of mankind, I never expected that light to be green.
Green.
Green like the eyes of the two people my world revolved around. My son and my wife both had the same eyes. The eyes that I constantly would be lost in. The eyes I fell in love with everytime I saw them. I wanted to sheild my wive's eyes just so the world wouldn't get to share what I loved so much. That shade of green was the death of me.
I do not regret my life. I lived everyday as happily as I could. I know I was a good friend, hard worker, and a caring husband. I just pray upon my own grave that I was the perfect father. But how perfect could a father be when he only had his son for a short amount of time?
Damn, I wanted to be the best dad. The pain is unbearable when I think of how much I let my son down. My son! 15 years later I'm still amazed that I even had a son. Atleast, I think it's amazement. The lack of emotion in my residing is pathetic. Everything is faint except the stabbing pain I feel in every inch of my body. A thousand nails pounded into me is nearly equivalent to the longing I feel. It's as if the second I left, I wanted to go back. I'm alone. I'm worse than alone; I'm empty.
The worst part is, Lily has never left my side.
How can I feel so abandoned when the woman I love is next to me? Maybe it's due to the fact that not only emotion is faint. Color is as well. I don't see the green in her eyes anymore.
The hate it when she wants to go watch Harry. She watched him as he was malnourished by my inlaws. She watched him go through endless pain time and time again. How could she watch that? I was there, but I never watched. I stood next to her, drained, looking at the grass, longing to run through it. Maybe with my shoes off right after it rained. I was hungry for the simple joys and thirsty for the fear my son was going through. I wanted everything he had. I was jealous of my baby boy. I loved my life and it was not complete.
I hate the betrayal that stung us. I hate the lies that are told to my son. I hate the beautiful green eyes that my son has to see in the mirror every day of his life. I hate the ignorance in the world. I hate that I was defeated. Defeated by the man I lived to bring down.
Voldemort overpowered me.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I know what my son is capable of. I know the secrets that the world does not. I know who will be victorious in the end.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
They say when you die you see the light. That every question is answered once this light emerges. It carries you away from everything you had built, all your hopes, dreams, and fantasies are washed away. For the sake of mankind, I never expected that light to be green.
Green.
Green like the eyes of the two people my world revolved around. My son and my wife both had the same eyes. The eyes that I constantly would be lost in. The eyes I fell in love with everytime I saw them. I wanted to sheild my wive's eyes just so the world wouldn't get to share what I loved so much. That shade of green was the death of me.
I do not regret my life. I lived everyday as happily as I could. I know I was a good friend, hard worker, and a caring husband. I just pray upon my own grave that I was the perfect father. But how perfect could a father be when he only had his son for a short amount of time?
Damn, I wanted to be the best dad. The pain is unbearable when I think of how much I let my son down. My son! 15 years later I'm still amazed that I even had a son. Atleast, I think it's amazement. The lack of emotion in my residing is pathetic. Everything is faint except the stabbing pain I feel in every inch of my body. A thousand nails pounded into me is nearly equivalent to the longing I feel. It's as if the second I left, I wanted to go back. I'm alone. I'm worse than alone; I'm empty.
The worst part is, Lily has never left my side.
How can I feel so abandoned when the woman I love is next to me? Maybe it's due to the fact that not only emotion is faint. Color is as well. I don't see the green in her eyes anymore.
The hate it when she wants to go watch Harry. She watched him as he was malnourished by my inlaws. She watched him go through endless pain time and time again. How could she watch that? I was there, but I never watched. I stood next to her, drained, looking at the grass, longing to run through it. Maybe with my shoes off right after it rained. I was hungry for the simple joys and thirsty for the fear my son was going through. I wanted everything he had. I was jealous of my baby boy. I loved my life and it was not complete.
I hate the betrayal that stung us. I hate the lies that are told to my son. I hate the beautiful green eyes that my son has to see in the mirror every day of his life. I hate the ignorance in the world. I hate that I was defeated. Defeated by the man I lived to bring down.
Voldemort overpowered me.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I know what my son is capable of. I know the secrets that the world does not. I know who will be victorious in the end.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.