1 Warrior of the Heart
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3 Author: JimboS
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he is good at something. Takes Place after season one after that anything goes.
E-mail: RaistlinM1@aol.com
Feedback: Hey why not. In fact let me change that to "please, please, please I beg you please." Even if you don't like it please tell me why I need to know if I'm going to try and fix it. Grade me. Evaluate me. Just tell me anything as long as it's honest. I can take it really you can even e-mail me if it make you more comfortable.
Author's note 1: This is my first fic ever so please help me out.
Author's note 2: This chapter I tried to keep some continuity with the actual dialogue and other such things with the show. I found this to be too difficult because I felt like I was tied down. So I'm going to probably just be using events from season two from now on.
Author's note 3: This chapter was written under extreme writer's block. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I decided to post it anyway so that I can move on with the story.
Enjoy!
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5 Chapter 7
The Journal of Xander Harris
What creates a human being? What shapes the impressionable child into the man whom enters the world. The answer is Family. I have had a large family, but I don't have many blood relations. I guess that makes me lucky because I got to choose my family that way I know they love me and I know that I love them.
I've never had a brother or sister but in many ways Willow is my little sister. I guess we sort of adopted each other that first day we met. I saw her being picked on by Cordelia and her Cordettes, she wouldn't stand up for herself she was too shy and quiet, so I called Cordelia and her friends 'stupid-heads' and told them to leave Willow alone; they left after telling me I had cooties. We ate lunch together and she gave me half of her sandwich when she saw I didn't have a lunch. I know that it was childish, and I don't think our relationship has changed that much in all of these years; I still look out for her and protect her while she takes care of me, like a good brother and sister should.
Now considering how horrible my father is I've been blessed to have such amazing father figures in my life. First would be my master Mr. Charles Lee. A father should be someone a child can look up to and try to emulate. In that case I think that Master Lee is the greatest father a son could ask for. I mean who wouldn't want to be a kung-fu master and the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. I think that after a while he started to look upon me as a son as well. I've never seen that look that he would give me after I mastered a new technique. It was a look that expressed love and caring but most of all it was pride. I guess for most people its not that important they see it everyday, and now I know how the other half live. I think that Master Lee needed me just as much as I needed him. The knowledge of the Warrior's was always passed down through the family making the training style based upon that relationship. I guess it was inevitable but that doesn't change how special it was and I just hope that I can become as good of a man as Lee is.
If Lee was the man to give me the knowledge of the ancients then I guess Giles would be the one to dispense the wisdom of the world. Giles and I are in a love, annoy relationship, but I know that he would protect me with his life. I think that Giles and Master Lee are a lot alike they both don't have children of their own so the ones they care about get adopted. I believe that Giles looks on Willow Buffy and I as his children.
Who is the person who has shaped me the most you ask. Well, that would be my father. He has given me a gift more precious than any metal or jewel; he has given me the gift of knowing exactly who I don't want to be when I grow old. I now know that no matter what I end up doing in my life if I am not like my father I will be a success. My father gave in to the pain and pressure of the world and he let it control him. I now have something to fight for when I feel myself slipping and I have a reason to be strong. So do I love my father? Yes, I do. I may not like him, but I do love him.
I look at myself in wonder when I think about who I am because I am Xander Harris and nobody else can ever copy that.
Xander Harris
* * *
Xander's Room
To the untrained eye the room of a teenage boy looks like a strange temple dedicated to dirty clothes, food, and pop culture. Xander's room is no exception; in fact his room is the quintessential teenage boy's room. Dirty clothes are make up the congregation in this strange temple covering the floor leaving only small glimpses of the navy carpet below. Opened candy bar wrappers and empty bags of chips are strewn about like the remains from past sacrifices. Colorful posters depicting an assortment of musical icons, none of which are hung straight, cover the walls paying homage to the pop culture gods that all teenagers sacrifice their impressionable minds to in their quest for the intangible presence of coolness.
An old guitar leans against the wall keeping a silent vigil over the proceedings. At one point in his life Xander decided that he wanted to learn how to play the guitar, so he saved his money and bought a used six string and a book on how to play. His idea was to be a self taught prodigy, so he would sit in his room for hours playing the cords over and over working on the changes until he could make the guitar sing. Eventually he lost interest in his endeavor instead of bringing him joy playing the guitar seemed to only bring out the pain lurking inside him giving it sound and substance making the feelings real and unavoidable. The guitar has not felt the gentle caress of its companion's touch for a number of years, but it still leans against the wall waiting patiently for the music to return.
The centerpiece in this temple is the teen's bed, the sacred altar where the daily rituals take place. It is where large amounts of pizza, the food of the goods, is consumed late at night and where soft glow of the television falls giving its blessing and working its will upon the all that it surveys.
On this quiet night Xander lies upon the altar asleep where he has fallen still in his clothes and still covered in a thin layer of the remains of his late night attackers. Yet he does not toss and turn seeking comfort in this uncomfortable situation; instead he lies still as a corpse the only evidence of life is the subtle rise and fall of his chest.
Although the young man lies still and calm a fierce battle is raging inside his dreamscape. Xander is once again inside his mental arena and just like his earlier test he is once again fighting himself.
This new Xander is a beast of a man. He is wearing the same clothes as Xander but his pants are torn off at the knee to accommodate his large leg muscles and the shirt is ripped in the front along with the sleeves to fit over his barrel chest and huge biceps. In place of normal fingernails five deadly talons are on the end of his hand. The course body hair covering his body only adds to the animalistic look of the young man, and Xander can not help but think of Saber-tooth from the X-men.
The battle looks to be in full swing and Wild Xander's ferocity is extraordinary as he unleashes a torrent of vicious slashes using his wicked claws to his fullest advantage keeping the regular Xander on the defensive.
Blood pours from the crisscross pattern of cuts that are forming on Xander's forearms as successful blocks are turned into wicked gashes by the beast's claws. As his defense is beginning to crumble around him Xander knows that he must break his opponent's rhythm if he is going to survive past the next few minutes.
Wild Xander's claws are drenched in blood and with each strike large drops of the warm liquid pour down like rain. Xander is feeling overwhelmed as each strike puts him further off balance and closer to the fatal strike. A large drop of blood flies off of a claw arcing in the air to splatter upon Xander's neck. The warmth of his own blood running down his neck and down his open shirt to be caught the white tank top is unsettling for the young man, but it does give him his only chance of stopping the flurry of strikes coming at him.
Seeing his chance Xander attacks with a straight punch as fast as he can aimed at his opponent's face. Xander was too far away for the punch to actually land; but that was not his intention.
The blood pouring from his wounds covering his arms is the real weapon. The forward momentum of the attack sends a large amount of the crimson liquid flying toward its intended target splattering Wild Xander's face and more importantly his eyes.
The beast man's attacks continue without the use of his eyes never letting his focus waiver never stopping to clear his vision. Only after a few more strikes does the wild man stop and wipe away the obstruction this gives Xander the time he needs to finally take stock of the situation.
Rage. Deep down inside Xander knows he is fighting the rage that he let loose during his earlier fight. He let his rage control him and now he has to force it back, and his opponent has no other purpose than to destroy Xander. His focus is what makes him so dangerous he has no other thoughts to slow him down no fear and no hesitation, but his focus also blinds him from seeing the whole picture and making his attacks unplanned and disconnected.
Only by constantly attacking putting his prey on the run can he gain an advantage. A simple plan forms in Xander's head as he takes in his opponent's strengths and weaknesses. Xander knows that his fury will be no match for his adversary's if he is forced to keep it under control, so he tries finding the closest match.
The pain in his arms gives him the answer as he tries to find an emotion that he knows well, but hates with all his soul. Deep down Xander must find his fear and use it to keep himself alive.
Fear. It is a universal emotion dealt with in a thousand different ways. Xander preferred way of dealing with his fear was to convince himself that it did not exist until it went away, but now he needs to face it and master it within the next few seconds before his blinded opponent can start again.
Xander looks deep inside and sees his own death and sees what will happen if the beast takes over his physical shell. He sees him destroying everything that once made him angry. First would be his parents then the students at Sunnydale High who had teased him. He then saw his friends try and stop him only to be destroyed themselves by his own hands only feeding his anger at the world. He saw himself burn up his rage slowly as more and more people die until it was all gone, and he watched himself lie down in the ruins of the town he both loved and hated and just stop. Everything just stopped his body just ran out of fuel and gave up.
This is where Xander finds his focus to match the razor sharp rage of his opponent. The desperation and the need to win strengthened the young man. Xander closes his eyes to revel in the feeling as it flows through his body like a second boost to the adrenaline already coursing through his blood, and into his mind giving him focus increasing his reflexes and his senses including a strange six sense for danger born from his need to survive.
Xander's eyes shoot open as he feels his adversary launch himself toward him. The two fighters begin the beautiful ballet of death. The fighters look like two mighty waves coming together as Xander uses his new found focus to avoid the wild attacks while setting his feet for a counter attack. Xander ducks under an overextended attack and counters with a sharp left and right combination to the ribs followed quickly by two slaps to the face. Xander then backs off a few paces and smiles at the personification of his own rage standing before him with surprise written all over his face.
Wild Xander slowly brings his hand up to caress his cheek and the bloody handprints left there not quite understanding what just happened. A punch, a kick, and elbow strike these are things that the man's bestial brain can comprehend the fact that he was mocked is completely foreign to him, but his prey's body language speaks loud and clear. The mocking grin, the slight slouch, and the relaxed muscles all speak of a total disregard of him as a threat or a predator.
The howl that reverberates from inside Wild Xander's chest full of rage and demands the death of the one who caused it. The sound is so full of rage that it feels like a wave crashing over the young man's soul. The feeling of feeling his own rage coming at him from outside of his body is almost enough for him to miss the attack that followed. Luckily his sixth sense kicked in soon enough that he instinctually moved away from the attacks.
Xander snapped out of his reverie in time to keep his plan going. Xander dodges the next flurry of blows contorting his body around attacks avoiding them by centimeters. The rustling of air around his face is truly unsettling as a side swipe passes in front of the young man's face as the beast of a man tries to rip the mocking grin off of the young man's face.
Xander ducks under another strike and completes the same sequence of punches as before followed by two more slaps to the face. If Xander was expecting a stop in the fight though he was sadly mistaken as Wild Xander only pushed himself faster and further. Once again Xander is left on his figurative heels under the onslaught.
Xander is walking a fine line; his fear is threatening to control him as he is taken closer to the limit of his power, but his mind is still working at a faster speed as he tries to finish his plan. He sees his opening come quickly and knows that it is now or never as he ducks under another slicing claw.
The first punch is just like first in the series, but the next strike does not come as Wild Xander learns his lesson and brings both claws down to rip his prey in half. Of course this is just what Xander wanted, and Wild Xander's strike only passes through the air.
Xander had known if he blinded his opponent with his own rage he would be able to take advantage of the laps. That was why when his first blow connected he was already spinning with the momentum of the blow coming out of the spin facing the unprotected back of his bestial counterpart.
Xander knifes a flurry of punches into his adversary's kidneys before ducking under the predictable backhand from Wild Xander that followed as he turned to face the young man. As soon as he felt the claw slice over his head Xander launched himself into the air spinning opposite direction as his opponent along with his extended leg that would spell the end of the fight. Wild Xander turned directly into the strike adding to the momentum of the powerful blow and contributing to the power that sent him into unconsciousness.
The large body arcs through the air and lands a few feet away, but Xander remains rigid in a fighting stance ready for the attack that does not come. After a few more seconds tick away Xander releases the breath that he was unconsciously holding and drops his stance grabbing his knees and taking in steadying breaths.
Xander's jaw drops to the floor when he sees the blood pouring from his arms slow and finally stop followed by the wounds closing leaving no indication that they had ever been there in the first place. The young man does not get long to reflect on this as the arena he is standing in slowly begins to fade away, and he knows that he will not be able to stay in his dream world for long.
* * *
Streets of Sunnydale
Xander woke up after his mental battle mentally exhausted but with his body full of energy, so he decided to take a walk in the hope that he will get his body as tired as his mind. He strapped his knives on to his thighs and took two stakes, which he stuffed into the waist of his pants and then covered them with his shirt. Xander crept out of his house careful not to rouse his father asleep on the couch.
The full moon shines down upon the city of Sunnydale bathing the city in a soothing silver glow. Xander walks with his head down staring at his feet letting them lead him to an unknown destination. He turns his thoughts toward the events of the night.
"To think all of this started with one simple dance," he says to the night air.
Xander let out a small laugh hoping to convince himself that the situation was actually funny, but it sounded hollow and without mirth. He then releases a sigh hoping to release some of his confusion and depression like a steam engine releasing a burst of vapor.
You're going to have to make a decision Xander, says his observant portion of his mind.
"You're wrong," he answers aloud, "I don't have to make a decision because there is no decision to make."
The decision of whether you are going to tell the gang about yourself. the voice answers. And if you don't tell them you'll have to avoid them, so they don't find out because if what happened in the Bronze happens again you won't need to worry about keeping a secret.
Xander stops walking and leans against a flickering streetlight stuffing his hands in his pockets letting his fingers poke through the holes and caress the pommels of the knives hidden in their harnesses.
"I can't tell them about me," he answers, "and there is no way I'm going to not be with my friends especially when they need me." The last part of his sentence sounds more like an oath than a phrase.
Well then you're answer is simple; just tell them that you can now fight and that you have a small problem with controlling your gift.
"You know for my brain you sure have a hard time listening," says Xander as he pushes off of the streetlight and starts following his feet again. "I just said that I can't tell them about all of this."
Maybe you could enlighten your super-ego as to why telling your friends the truth is a physical impossibility, asks the voice in his head with a touch of annoyance.
"I just can't okay!" exclaims Xander, who freezes when he realizes that he just screamed at himself, but he continues walking after a few seconds. "I'm going crazy not only am I talking to myself now I'm yelling at myself."
Xander expected the voice to go away after his outburst, but he was sorely mistaken. First off you aren't crazy because I'm not crazy, so you can't be crazy; now why is it that you can't tell your friends about it. says the voice. One would think that the group would be happy to get another heavy hitter in the group.
Another sigh escapes Xander's lips as he tries to come up with a good reason, but he fails miserably. "I don't know I can't explain it," Xander mumbles in defeat as he turns right at a corner and continues following his feet.
I think you do know, says his inner voice, you know because I know. You're just too scared to admit it out loud. You are scared of what your friends will think if you tell them that you are different. You know that she already has a boyfriend who can't give her a normal life and now you can't either. You're afraid that they will treat you differently if they know the truth and your afraid that they will be afraid of you. Any of this ringing a bell?
"It might be", answers the young man, "but I also don't want to be a liability. I don't want them to look at me like I could snap at any time and then have them treat me with kid gloves. I just want to be Xander Harris, friend and funny guy. I don't want to be Xander Harris, sidekick. I don't want to be playing Robin in this scenario; I'm good enough to be Batman, but we already have one of those."
So what is the dark knight going to do, asks his super-ego its inner voice practically dripping sarcasm. Are you going to live a double life? That means that you can't patrol with her and still protect her.
Xander looks up and sees that he is outside Master Lee's former house, which is now his. "You're wrong," a grin slowly appears on Xander's face as he answers. "I'm just going to have to work harder and that means I'm going to have to get better."
Of course the flaw in Xander's plan is made known to him again by his inner voice. That means that your inner demons are going to get stronger as well, and your control will have to get even better.
Xander can not put into words how much he hates that voice.
* * *
Sunnydale High School
The sun shines down upon the dale that it gives its name dispelling the shadow of the night and replacing the soft glow of the moon. Sunnydale High School is teeming with life as students move about outside the school unwilling to enter the wide double doors and face the challenges that wait inside the sterile halls.
Xander is at the top of the stairs in the front of the school leaning against the railing and soaking in the sun and trying to expand his mind trying to be aware of everything around him trying to expand the strength of his intuition. With the amount of evil that creeps around at night Xander is hoping to tap into his sixth sense like in the dream, so he can not be surprised on patrol. Xander takes in a deep breath tasting the sunshine and life around him and lets out a deep breath in a sigh of contentment.
Xander spent the rest of last night inside his new home training and reading from the journals of past masters. After going through some mental exercises he worked his body for about three hours practicing his techniques armed and unarmed. He then spent the rest of his time in meditation using a technique described in one of the master's journals. It was a rejuvenation technique where the participant falls into a deep sleep like state and draws strength from the outside world. The technique worked and the young warrior awoke from his trance feeling alive and filled with energy.
That is the state that Willow finds the young man as he calmly leans against the hand railing idly fingering the hem of his shirt. Willow is surprised that he is at school so early, but she just assumes it has to do with what happened last night. The quiet redhead makes he way toward her friend treading carefully up behind him in the hopes of catching him unaware.
"Hey Willow," Xander calls over him shoulder without turning around.
Willow stops in her tracks and looks around her in the search for a mirror or some sort of reflective object. If there was a mirror in front of her she would have seen the smile on Xander's face stretched from ear to ear when he heard her gasp of surprise.
"Will, are you giving me the silent treatment for a reason or what," asked Xander, "I don't remember doing anything that would warrant the wrath of my best friend, so I don't know what I should be apologizing for."
"No, I'm not giving you the silent treatment, answers Willow, "but how did you know I was behind you?"
Xander sits fully on the railing pulls his legs into the air and spins on his axis to face his friend with a wide smile on his face. "I heard your foot steps when you were trying to sneak up on me," answered the young man, "guys don't were shoes with heals and you are the only girl I know who actually sneaks up on me instead of sneaks away from me."
Willow's original smile returns when Xander drapes his arm over her shoulder and starts walking into the building. She can not help but snuggle in closer as they walk, but she stops herself when she feels Xander's body stiffen slightly at the extra contact. Mentally she panics hoping that she had not over stepped her bounds as friend. She is torn between wanting him to ignore it keeping his arm where it is and hoping that he will take his arm away look at her and finally talk to her about them as a couple. Xander settles for a combination of the two by removing his arm and ignoring the situation.
The two friends walk in silence through the sparsely populated halls when Willow suddenly remembers what she was going to talk to Xander about earlier. She pulls him off to the side toward her locker and Xander follows without question. Willow spins the lock entering her combination and opening the metal door before turning back to her friend who is waiting patiently for her to grab her things.
"I forgot to ask you about last night," says the red head, "Where did you go after the dance? I didn't know where you went; I tried to call you but when you didn't answer I got worried that you ran into trouble"
Xander runs his hand through his hair and lets out a forceful sigh as he remembers the events of the previous night. He looks away from his friend not wanting to make eye contact before he offers a response.
"I just had to get out of there Will," he says apologetically as he turned to look her, "I could feel everyone staring at me and I just got a little claustrophobic. When I got home I decided that sleep was the cure, so I disconnected my phone so I wouldn't be disturbed. I'm sorry you were worried, but I just needed to be alone for a while."
If Willow had known what really had happened that night she may not have had the same look on her face, but she didn't so she offered her friend an understanding smile and squeezed his arm in reassurance.
"It's okay Xand; I understand," Willow says keeping her hand on the young man's arm. "But the real question is what has gotten into Buffy. I think we need to talk to Giles about this. I think Giles is monitoring the halls today before school I think it would be a good idea to see him before Buffy gets here."
"Okay, that sounds like good idea," says Xander nodding. The two friends leave, after Willow grabs a book from her locker, in search of the librarian.
The two friends find Giles standing in the student lounge watching over the halls with a bored look on his face. The faculty now has to take turns monitoring the halls before school; just another one of Principal Snyder's new policies. Willow and Xander approach the watcher and Willow gives him a small wave as they draw closer.
"Giles we have to talk," says Willow not waiting for the proper exchange of greetings.
Giles nods his head and motions for the two friends to follow toward a small nook for some privacy. The conversation moves toward the couches and Xander follows slowly behind the two not anxious to have the conversation.
The Watcher and the teenage girl start talking about Buffy and what has happened in the past day, but Xander is hardly paying attention to the details just listening idly.
"Maybe she's possessed?"
"By what?"
"I don't know. Some possessing thing. You're the watcher you figure it out."
"I don't think we are dealing with a possession."
Xander finally spoke up when he felt the conversation had come to a useful point.
"I agree with Giles on this one," the young man said from his seat on the cheap piece of furniture. "She is scared and confused, so she is acting strange because she doesn't know what to do."
Giles nods in agreement with a mild look of surprise on his face that the revelation came from Xander of all people, but Xander is not finished.
"For one thing she died," Xander says enumerating on his fingers as he stands up and faces his friends. "Although it was only for a few seconds it could have been permanent, and she has to face the fact that she has a life expectancy of a field mouse. On top of that she won; she beat the master with relative ease after he killed her. I think she has learned that it really doesn't matter how good you are training will only increase her time until the end. Some stupid fledgling with dirt still on his burial suit could kill her at anytime. All of this she will deal with, but she can't see past the chosen one thing. If she can die at anytime then that means that we can die too, and so she is pushing us away because she thinks that death is following her around and that the longer we stay with her the more likely the fact that we will die."
Xander then sits back down on the table after his long speech and turns away from his audience. The speech hit a nerve with the young man when he realizes that he will have to deal with the same problems if he too takes up the cause.
Giles just stands as still as a statue taking in what was just said he takes off his glasses and wipes the nonexistent particles of dust from the curved lenses. Willow falls onto the couch not looking to see if there actually is a chair for her to land in. She falls into the couch as if the gravity of the situation is too much for her to bear forcing her to find support.
It is this melancholy scene that Buffy finds as she enters the cafeteria looking for her watcher. The oppressive silence of the room would normally made the Slayer nervous but today she does not pay it any mind.
"Giles," calls Buffy from the doorway of the cafeteria. The watcher turns to see his emotionally distraught slayer approach him fast. Before he can greet her and attempt a conversation she blurts out the reason for her morning visit, "The Master is gone!"
Three jaws drop at the news. Giles wipes his glasses again, Willow stands up and tries to talk but can only make unintelligible grunts and garbles, and Xander just buries his head in his hands.
Giles is the first to recover from the shock to question Buffy, "are you sure about this?"
"Yeah I stopped by and there was a big hole in the ground with no master inside."
Willow finally overcomes her shock to ask the question on everyone's mind, "Giles, what would somebody want with the bones of the Master?"
Giles turns to address Willow, "I'm not sure," answers the watcher. "They must be trying to resurrect the Master, but I've never heard of such a ceremony actually working."
At hearing this Buffy grabs Giles tweed clad shoulder and spins him around forcing him to meet her gaze. "Are you saying that you knew that they could be trying this," asks Buffy clearly upset at what she perceives to be a betrayal.
Giles is flustered as he stares in to the murderous blue-green orbs of the Slayer. Buffy's eyes hold no pity as Giles writhe before her gaze. Words fail the man as he grasps at words that pass through his head trying to find the right combination to explain his actions.
"Well.yes," replies the watcher. Lucky for the watcher Willow is there to pull his fat from the fire, "Well, Buffy, Giles did bury him and we did the ceremony and."
Of course when Buffy turned her glare toward the redhead she was less then thrilled with her need to defend the man. "Look, this is Slayer stuff, okay," Buffy's eyes glare into her best friend. "Could we have just a little less from the civilians, please?"
Willow involuntarily takes a step back as she is overwhelmed by her friend's actions. Xander has patiently watched the scene play out without saying anything, but watching one of his best friends being attacked by his other friend is more than he is willing to stand.
"Hey," the Warrior exclaims standing up and getting nose to nose with the Slayer. "Just back off okay. We are a part of this too remember? We are in this because we want to be and because we need to be and because we care. We care about our families, our friends, and we care about you. Just let us help."
Xander's body stiffens when the words pouring from his mouth finally catches up with his brain, and the look of surprise on his face exactly mirrors the one on Buffy's. The two just stand there staring at each other neither looking away and neither actually comprehending what is before them.
The scene becomes heavy with anticipation as Willow and Giles wait to see what will happen. If Buffy will hug the young man or punch him across the room. The scene does not change only the background of filing students give any evidence of the passage of time.
Xander is a mess inside his emotions fighting each other for supremacy with love and hate leading the charge. Xander knows that he should be upset with the petite blonde standing before him. The dance and her attack of his friends do not lend themselves to understanding, but his head is being fought tooth and nail by his heart and the caring he has for her. The longer he stares at her the more he sees her. The worry lines crossing her brow and the reflection of unshed tears pooling in front of her blue-green eyes pull at the young man's heart, and he knows that the mighty Slayer is scared. Watching her standing there in all of her vulnerable glory all Xander can think of is to hold and protect the girl with all of his might, but he stands fast unwilling to break the moment.
Buffy stands watching the young man before her wondering 'why'. 'Why did he have to be so sweet to her?', 'Why did he have to say that he cared?', and most of all she wonders 'Why does he have to look at me like that?'. Buffy sees the softness of the teenager's chocolate eyes and the kind smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. Buffy sees these things and she knows what they mean, but she can not face this now. Buffy can only see what his face would look like in death. She sees his eyes turned cold and lifeless and his mouth open letting out a silent cry for all eternity, and she knows that if she lets him stay with her that sooner or later she will not be able to stop it.
The two continue to stare until Giles sees Snyder approaching from down the hall and breaks the moment by clearing his throat snapping the duo out of their statuesque poses. "Now is not the time," says Giles nodding his head toward the Snyder. "I think we should continue this in the library after school."
The teenagers nod their heads and disperse toward their classes to knowing that today will be an exercise in willpower as they are forced to study and pay attention with the world hanging in the balance.
* * *
Library After School
For the three teens now spread throughout the library looking through dusty tomes the whole day has been a blur of worry and classes. The guilt of carry such a huge secret has weighed them down as they watch the students of Sunnydale obliviously go about their lives.
However the satisfaction of doing something constructive is short lived for one Xander Harris. The thin layer of dust laying upon the books flies into the air with each turn of the page irritating his and makes reading the faded script within even more of a challenge.
With each turn of the page Xander mumbles some more, "I hate Latin, I hate Sumerian, and I hate old English. Why can't they just upgrade to English 2.0?"
The others do not hear the disgruntled rambling of the young man and continue with their own search. The quiet of the room is broken by the scrape of a chair's legs against the wooden floor when Giles stands quickly drawing everyone's attention to him.
"Alright, alright, I-I-I've got something," says the watcher with uncertainty. "It's Latin, so bear with me. Uh, to revive the vampire they need his bones, which they have, and, um, the blood. This is very unclear, of the closest person... uh, someone connected to the vampire."
"That would be me," announced Buffy from her perch on the library table. When she sees the skeptical look on the faces of her friends she elaborates, "We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness."
"Giles, do we have any idea of where or when this ceremony needs to take place," asks Xander, who is sitting on the steps leading to the stacks. "If we can find out where it is going to."
Xander's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of breaking glass as a rock crashes through the pane with a loud crash. Xander is up in less than a second and reaching into his self-tailored pockets to grab his hidden daggers. Buffy catches the rock and inspects it to find a note attached by an expensive looking bracelet.
"This is Cordelia's," she says as she unclasps the fine piece of jewelry. She unfolds the note and reads it aloud, "come to the Bronze tonight or we make her a meal."
"What are we going to do," asks Willow.
Buffy lets out a sigh as if to show her boredom with the situation before saying, "I go to the Bronze and save the day." The Slayer then turns toward the door to make her exit, but she is stopped by Xander's voice.
"This is a great plan," says the young man with sarcasm dripping from every word. "Well master strategist maybe you should tell us about phase two of your plan before you go ahead with phase one."
Buffy turns to look at Xander, who is casually leaning against the side of the stairs waiting for Buffy's answer. "Phase two," asks Buffy clearly annoyed at Xander's remarks.
"Oh come on Buffy, you have to remember phase two," says Xander staring at the blonde expectantly. "Well phase one is obviously the 'Buffy walks right into a trap and is sucked dryer than an over cooked turkey, but I would like to know what phase two is because you won't be around to implement it."
Buffy looks like she has just been slapped in the face and in actuality an actual slap may not have hurt as much as the young man's word did. Buffy's eyes turn cold and angry, and she looks like she is about to kill Xander but instead she quietly speaks, "Phase two is where you never come near me again, and I don't put you in the hospital."
Buffy storms out of the library throwing open the doors so violently that they almost fly off their hinges. Xander stands silently staring at the doors that continue to swing open and close alternating his view from the varnished wood to the retreating form of the petite Slayer.
Giles and Willow can only stare at each other not knowing how to respond to what has just transpired before them. When they do turn their gazes toward Xander they find him with his entire body clenched and shaking slightly. Sweat beads upon his brow and he appears to be whispering to himself.
"My anger is my fuel, my pain gives me strength, I am their master they serve me." This is Xander's mantra and he repeats it over and over as he feels his emotions wash over him, and although he tries to bring them under control they overwhelm him.
He feels the pain of loss as if there is a whole in his heart where Buffy normally stays, but she has walked out on him literally and figuratively. Every muscle in Xander's body is clenched as his anger flows through his body giving his body strength, but he has no release because of the emotion that is confusing the hell out of him. Love. Even through every facet of his anger and hurt he still can not help but love the girl. He can not bring himself to let his pain obliterate it, and he can not allow his anger to consume it. All he truly knows is that he can not let her go.
Giles and Willow can feel his emotions swirling around him, and they can almost see the flames of Xander's rage lapping at his sides and can feel the hollowness inside of him. Xander stiffly walks toward the double doors and snaps out his right fist connecting with the oak causing it to swing open violently allowing his to pass before swinging back again.
The act of violence causes Willow and Giles to jump in surprise not expecting such an action from Xander. Willow approaches the varnished door and runs her hand over the area where her friend's fist connected feeling the dent left behind. Giles can only shake his head and return to his book hoping to find an answer but not really remembering the question.
Xander stiffly walks down the halls of Sunnydale High School without paying attention to where he is going. He is blinded by the fires of his own fury, and it is taking all of his will power to keep it from consuming him. He can feel every muscle clenched tightly his legs are corded into bands of steel as he continues his journey through the halls.
Xander walks outside of the school and looks around as he feels a gentle wind sweep across his gently cooling his fevered face. His eyes spot a large tree standing outside of the school, and he begins to walk toward it.
Xander reaches the tree and collapses to his knees before it. The young man sets his back against the tree and sits down in the lotus position. Xander feels his anger and his pain inside of him both seeking to control him. He can feel the flames of his rage trying to burn away his compassion and conscience while his pain is threatening to swallow his heart.
Xander closes his eyes and begins to breathe in and out slowly before turning his thoughts toward his senses. He listens to the wind gently rustle the leaves above his head, smells the aromas of the night air carried on the wind, and feels the rough bark against his back. Xander embraces the peaceful complexities of nature calming his mind and allowing him to find his lost focus.
Xander turns his consciousness inward to find the peace within himself to match the peace without. Xander can feel the pain in his heart contained within bringing with it a numbness to his heart that is more painful then any cut or bruise.
Xander slowly opens up the barriers surrounding the whole in his heart allowing the pain to wash out like a river breaking free from a damn. Xander accepts the pain letting it flow through his body sweeping away his other pains and weaknesses in the rushing rapids before he begins to push it all toward his center again. Xander forces the pain to flow toward the flames of his rage letting the two forces fight against each other the flames burning away the hollow pain and the pain smothering the flames of his rage.
The two forces swirl and collide until Xander's rage finally burns away all of his pain not leaving any of it behind, but the flames are now much smaller and Xander exerts his will upon it easily shaping the flames and focusing the fire. The flames converge to create a column of fire that fuels and warms the young man's body.
Xander lets out another breath and pushes out all of his residual weakness feeling the peace inside of him and reveling in it. Xander is snapped out of his meditation when a scream pierces the calm night comes form inside the school filling his heart with dread.
Xander explodes into movement leaping to his feet and sprinting toward the school moving as fast as his legs can carry him. The hallway is a blur the brightly colored posters nothing more but short streaks on the white walls. Xander turns a corner putting the large library doors in sight. Another scream comes from behind the doors, but Xander does not hear it over the pounding of his pulse in his ears.
With a few feet away from his goal Xander reaches for his daggers bringing them out of their harnesses and then lowers his shoulder to brace for the impact as he bursts through doors.
All eyes turn toward the doors and Xander once he is inside, and he finds a scene straight from a nightmare. Giles is standing with his back against a wall surrounded by nine vampires holding them at bay with only a small cross. Willow is unconscious draped over the shoulder of another vampire who looks to be making a getaway with his prone prize. Xander's eyes burn with rage and his mouth curls into a snarl as his anger reaches new heights as he sees the horrible monster putting his evil claws on his friend.
Xander takes in the situation quickly while everyone is stilled stunned by his sudden appearance. Giles sees the young man and shouts for him to run and save himself but a violent backhand silences him. Giles is knocked off his feet and the cross is sent flying across the room.
Xander sees the watcher fall, and he does not listen to his warning. His left-hand snaps forward throwing his dagger toward the vampire holding Willow. The blade sinks into the vampire's thigh causing him to scream and grab at the dagger dropping willow to the ground.
Xander charges the group of vampires throwing his other dagger into a vampire's throat and picking up a chair without missing a step. Xander swings the chair connecting solidly with the chin of the closest vampire. The chair shatters into several pieces, and drops to his knees snapping his right leg breaking the kneecap of a vampire dropping him to the ground.
Xander grabs two stakes created from the broken chair planting his fists on the floor allowing him to sweep out the legs from under a vampire to his left. Xander rolls onto the prone form of the fallen vampire leaving behind a stake sticking out of the vampire's chest piercing his heart.
Xander comes out of his roll in front of the vampire with his dagger still stuck in his throat. Xander grabs the hilt of the dagger removing it while depositing his other stake into the vampire's heart.
Xander sees a vampire charging him from his left hoping to catch the young warrior on the ground and at a disadvantage. The vampire only swings through empty air as Xander throws his feet over his head performing a compact back handspring and lands on his feet in front of the off balance vampire. Xander Kicks his foot into the air and brings it back down on the back of the vampire driving his dead into the hard wood floor.
Xander takes another look around and sees the vampire that was holding Willow has removed the dagger and has grabbed his friend again and that another vampire has grabbed Giles as well. The remaining six uninjured vampires are flanking the two burdened vampires. Xander bends down and grabs two more pieces of the broken chair with his left hand as he throws his retrieved dagger with his right sending it into the other thigh of the vampire holding Willow.
He quickly stakes the vampire lying down at his feet and charges the group of vampires unleashing his rage letting it give him strength. Xander steps on the vampire with the broken kneecap, who has collapsed onto the ground trying to realign his crooked leg, and uses him as a launch point surprising the group of vampires.
Xander takes flight swinging his leg out to connect with the face of a vampire blocking his path to his friends. The vampire is knocked sideways colliding with one of his comrades allowing Xander focus his attacks on one side of his flank.
Xander strikes with his left stake in an underhand attack dusting another impediment to his goal. Xander pivots on his right foot sending his left out in a wide arc to connect with another fanged jaw. Is about to follow up with a stake when his knees are taken out by a chop block from the two vampires he had knocked away before.
Xander's stake goes wide and drives through the monster's shoulder as the young warrior is sent crashing to the earth. The air rushes out of Xander's lungs with a grunt as his chest collides with the wooden floor, and Xander can hear the laughter coming from the two vampires that took him down.
The vampire holding the unconscious Willow passes her to another vampire and picks up the two daggers that had previously resided inside of his thigh muscles. He points to the vampire still clutching his broken knee and says to his remaining brethren, "dust him and take the humans to the anointed one for the ceremony. I will catch up to you guys after I take my revenge upon this little bastard."
The wounded vampire moves to his feet quickly in surprise but falls back to the floor as his leg gives out underneath him. The vampire slides away from his brethren begging for mercy, but one of the four vampires picks up a stake and plunges it into the heart of their companion silencing his pleas. The four vampires leave carrying Willow and Giles. Xander gasps for air trying to regain his lost breath when two black leather boots enter his field of vision and he hears the metallic song of his two daggers being slid across one another.
"Well," says the vampire licking his lips in anticipation, "I guess you should be happy. These two toys you've left me will be put to good use spilling more blood than you can imagine. I think I'll start with yours."
The leach bring the twin daggers up ready to drive them into the back of the young warrior when Xander raises up at the waist and lets out a desperate cry. He drives his remaining stake into the vampire's boot breaking through the tough leather to pierce the vampire's foot snapping the tiny bones under the powerful blow. Xander then grabs the vampire art the ankle and heaves dropping the vampire onto the floor.
Xander and the vampire snap to their feet at the same time and fall into their fighting stances. Xander takes up a defensive stance his eye traveling from his own twin daggers held in his enemy's grip down to his stake lying on the floor. The vampire holds the daggers in front of him in a purely offensive stance.
Xander's rage is gone replaced by the dread of desperation; he tries to move past the vampire to rescue his friend, but his every move is met by the flash of a dagger. Xander can feel the time slipping away and launches an attack hoping to bring the vampire down quickly.
He leads with a right hook, but he quickly stops the punch and ducks under the dagger he knew would be coming. He tries to follow up with an uppercut, but the vampire has pulled away letting the uppercut fly short of its mark. The next two dagger attacks cut through the air and narrowly miss cutting through Xander as well. Xander counters with a kick to the demon's chest driving him back a few steps.
With his newfound space Xander stoops down to pick up his fallen stake. Xander takes up his fighting stance again and tries to find the strength to match the speed of his opponent.
Xander thinks of his best friend and pictures what the demons will do to her. This time instead of despair Xander uses the mental imagery to feed his rage fanning the flames of his hatred for the beast standing before him.
Xander finds his second wind and charges the demon again leading with the stake. Xander falls forward into a roll passing under the expected dagger strike. Xander pivots in a crouch sending his leg out to sweep away his opponent's footing, but the vampire proved to have better reflexes than expected and jumped over Xander's foot.
Xander quickly stops his momentum and pushes his off with his feet sideways planting his hands and cartwheeling to the right kicking the vampire in the face in the process.
Xander turns to face his adversary quickly and launches himself toward him again, but the vampire turns as well and stabs at Xander stomach. Xander sees the attack but knows that he can not stop himself in time so instead he contorts his body and drives the dagger into his side.
The vampire smiles brightly opening his mouth to reveal two rows of knifelike teeth. The vampire drops his other dagger and brings his hand up to pull Xander's head to the side exposing his vulnerable neck. When the vampire brings his mouth down to sink his teeth into his prey he feels Xander shift underneath his grip and drive his stake into his chest and into his dead heart.
Xander falls to the ground as the vampire disperses into dust releasing his grip and taking away his support. Xander rolls over and clutches his hand to his side feeling his warm blood pouring from his wound and onto his hand.
Xander grits his teeth and crawls across the floor toward a table. When he reaches it he slowly pulls himself up to a standing position leaning against the table for support Xander takes off his shirt and pulls off his undershirt hearing the sickening suction of his soaked shirt pull away from his bleeding wound.
Xander bunches up his undershirt and pushes it against his wound putting pressure on the gash. Xander slowly moves to Giles office where he finds the first aid kit. Xander uses the kit to bandage his wound putting pressure on the wound to stem the flow of blood. Xander then puts away the kit and retrieves his shirt and daggers, which he cleans on his undershirt before throwing it away in the trash. Xander puts on his shirt and is about to walk out the door in pursuit when he realizes that he has no idea where they have taken Willow or Giles.
Xander walks over to the table full of books and finds Giles books. Next to the books is a note pad with several phrases written on it. "Looks like Giles was translating something," says Xander to himself as he looks over the notes. Xander reads through it trying to find out some sort of clue when he finally figures it out and shouts, "Not closest! Nearest! They want the people who were with him when he died."
Xander reads some more but can not find out where the ceremony will be. Xander feels the despair again, but his rage consumes it as he again sees Willow in his head no longer full of life staring at him with cold dead eyes.
Xander lashes out pushing over the table and knocking over chairs and books. When his rage plays itself out Xander collapses against the table and holds his head with his hand not sure what do and feeling the despair return again.
Xander hears the library doors open from his seat behind the over-turned table. Xander holds himself still straining his senses to discern the identity of the intruder. Xander hears the lights click of boots on the hard wood floor and more importantly hears the steady breathing of the intruder.
Xander takes heart knowing that his possible adversary was not a vampire or other demon and stands up cautiously with his right hand in his pocket fingering the pommel of his dagger prepared just in case the new player is on the other team.
Xander's hand relaxes when he sees Buffy standing in front of him in shock as she takes in the carnage, more than half of which Xander did himself after the fight. Xander clears his throat quietly to get Buffy's attention. The young girl snaps around startled by the gentle noise. Buffy's face washes with relief at the appearance of her friend; the earlier fight forgotten the memory overridden by her relief.
"Xander," exclaims Buffy rushing over to him, "What happened here. Where is Willow and Giles?"
Xander looks away from Buffy, before he answers, "they were taken by the anointed one's minions to complete the ceremony."
Xander is angry and disappointed in himself knowing that he could have saved his friends if he had only been a few seconds faster. Buffy misunderstands his action thinking that he is angry with her for not being there during the attack.
"Look, I'm sorry I ran off, but I'm going to set this right and that means getting my friends back."
Xander turns and looks at the Slayer asking with his eyes the question that comes from his lips, "how?"
Buffy smiles dangerously; her eyes lit by an inner flame. "Come with me," she says walking over to the library door, "you be good cop and I'll be bad cop."
Buffy turns back around her and begins to run through the halls her golden tresses trailing behind her beckoning for Xander to follow. Xander can only shake his head let out a sigh and follow.
* * *
Outside the Bad Guy's Warehouse
The commercial section of Sunnydale exists in two different worlds in the light of day the place is full of the hustle and bustle of commerce. The town's closeness to Los Angeles and its low property taxes makes the town a perfect place for large companies to keep their nonperishable goods in storage until they are needed elsewhere or a perfect location for a factory to cut down on transportation costs. However when night falls the bustling land of capitalism changes as the supposed abandoned factories come alive with death when the creatures of the night awaken to hunt those foolish enough to be outside past daylight.
Angel, Buffy, and Xander enter the world of darkness without fear as they search for the warehouse described by the decoy vampire left at the Bronze. Xander thinks about the events in the Bronze while his two companions search ahead of him.
* * *
Flashback
Xander and Angel watch Buffy question the vampire with a morbid fascination as Buffy interrogates her. Their attention held firm as Buffy uses her cross to make the information extraction as painful as possible.
Angel is the first to look away as the demon inside of him causes his revulsion upon witnessing the torture of one of his own kind. Xander had a hard time watching as well, but his reaction is brought on by Buffy herself and watching her handle the vampire with such malice.
Angel tries to keep his mind off of the sights and sounds of the torture and turns his mind to other thoughts when a strange smell enters his perception. Angel flares his nostrils and takes in a long drag of air savoring the smells with his mind trying to find the smell's source.
Angel turns to Xander suddenly and reaches a hand out to the young man prodding the wound hidden under the bandage and the folds of his large shirt. Xander pulls in a hissing breath to keep his mouth closed trying to not cry out in surprise and pain. Xander places his hand over the dagger wound in defense as he turns his body away from Angel's probing hand.
Xander fixes the vampire with an angry stare and looks over to Buffy to make sure she was still immersed in her own activities before whispering to the vampire angrily. "Hey watch it Deadboy. Two hundred years and you haven't learned the concept of persona; space? And my parents think I'm stupid."
Angel matches the young man's look with one of his own. "Why didn't you tell us that you are hurt," asks Angel, his voice clearly stating his annoyance with the young man standing in front of him. "I can smell your blood, and I'm guessing from the strength that it is pretty bad. You should tell Buffy."
Xander begins to shake his head before Angel can finish his thought. "I can't tell Buffy. Don't you see? She needs this to make herself feel in control. She doesn't need me making her feel guilty. As far as she knows nobody has been hurt because of her, and I aim to keep it that way."
Buffy finishes her questioning by staking the weakened vampire and walks over to the two men to tell them where their friends are being held. As they walk away Xander mouthed to Angel behind Buffy's back, "not a word."
* * *
Xander is brought back to the present by Angel announcing that he has found the place. Xander and Angel follow Buffy inside the doors moving as quietly as possible to sneak into the compound unnoticed.
The three watch the beginning of the ceremony as the lead vampire begins to make a long-winded speech about their great fallen master waving a knife in the air for added effect.
"We have to save them before they start the ceremony," says Angel looking to Buffy for a plan, "We need a distraction."
Buffy pulls out a stake and the familiar fire dances in her eyes and she says, "right, leave that to me."
"What are you going to do," asks Xander, who more than slightly happy to see the spark returned to his friend's eyes.
Buffy only smiles and responds, "I'm going to kill them. That ought to distract them."
With that Buffy begins to creep over the vampires careful to not make a sound. Xander leans over to Angel and whispers to him, "when Buffy starts you get the others to safety. I'm counting on you."
With that Xander also begins to creep away, but Angel grabs his arm stopping him. "What are you doing," he asks in a hoarse whisper, "your hurt and they'll kill you."
Xander only smiles and shrugs of the hand saying, "I'm not trying to kill them. Trust me I have a plan."
With that Xander is off again circumventing the ceremony and sneaking through the only other exit from the large storeroom. Xander finds himself in a smaller room that leads to the outside. Large boxes cover the floor and give Xander ample cover when he takes up position behind one.
Xander quietly breaks a stake off of the box he is hiding behind and waits for the beginning of the fight. Xander does not have to wait long to hear the distinct sound of a vampire turning into dust. Xander looks at his watch and prepares himself to act. As if on cue the lead vampire rushes through the doorway herding the anointed one to safety. Xander waits for them to pass by his hiding spot before he reveals himself by driving his makeshift stake through the vampire's heart.
Xander lets go of his stake upon contact with the leach's heart leaving it to fall to the earth amidst the shower of fine dust. When the anointed one turns around he sees Xander already holding his dagger and ready to end the supernatural child's life.
The small demon backs away holding his hands up in front of him in a pitiful defense. Xander takes in a few short breaths to steady himself trying not to picture the innocent face and only think about the evil underneath. Like a lightning strike Xander's left and right hand snap out in succession. The anointed one has to time to react and can only witness the after math of the strikes when he sees two dagger hilts sticking out of his chest.
The miniscule demon falls to the dusty cement floor disturbing the thin layer of dirt before his body disintegrates into a fine dust leaving behind two steel and silver daggers sitting in the ashes.
Xander retrieves his daggers and returns them once again to their harnesses before walking back to join his friends in the main storeroom. Xander watches Buffy finish off the last one with ease, and quickly moves to help Angel free his captured friends.
After everyone is conscious and strong enough to stand the group surrounds the skeletal remains of the master. Xander reaches down and hefts a large sledgehammer testing its wait in his hands. He turns to Buffy and offers it to her saying, "I think it's time we ended this nightmare. Finish it."
Buffy takes the sledgehammer and begins to pound the bones of the master into pieces and does not stop until the table is cleared of all remains. Angel stands behind Buffy waiting patiently for her to finish and is ready to catch her when she drops the hammer and turns into his embrace.
Xander watches for a few excruciating seconds before he looks away and begins to walk away lending support to Willow and Cordelia after their traumatic experience. Giles and Jenny lean on each other, both thankful that the other survived the ordeal in one piece.
Buffy pulls out of Angel's embrace but not his touch as they too walk outside Angel's arm draped over Buffy's shoulder. "Hey," calls out Buffy getting the attention of the people ahead of her. "What about the Anointed One and his little babysitter? They ran off when the fight started."
Xander grins slightly and calls back to her, "I saw the way they high- tailed it out of here. I don't think we'll be seeing them any more; I bet they left town."
"Yeah," supplied Willow, "they probably moved on to someplace safer shaking off the dust from their feet. You know like Jesus told his apostles to do when they traveled, and you know because they turn to dust when they die."
On the outside Xander only smiled like everyone else at Willow's attempt at humor and the subsequent awkward explanation, but on the inside he was rolling around on the ground laughing.
End of Chapter 7
2
3 Author: JimboS
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he is good at something. Takes Place after season one after that anything goes.
E-mail: RaistlinM1@aol.com
Feedback: Hey why not. In fact let me change that to "please, please, please I beg you please." Even if you don't like it please tell me why I need to know if I'm going to try and fix it. Grade me. Evaluate me. Just tell me anything as long as it's honest. I can take it really you can even e-mail me if it make you more comfortable.
Author's note 1: This is my first fic ever so please help me out.
Author's note 2: This chapter I tried to keep some continuity with the actual dialogue and other such things with the show. I found this to be too difficult because I felt like I was tied down. So I'm going to probably just be using events from season two from now on.
Author's note 3: This chapter was written under extreme writer's block. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I decided to post it anyway so that I can move on with the story.
Enjoy!
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5 Chapter 7
The Journal of Xander Harris
What creates a human being? What shapes the impressionable child into the man whom enters the world. The answer is Family. I have had a large family, but I don't have many blood relations. I guess that makes me lucky because I got to choose my family that way I know they love me and I know that I love them.
I've never had a brother or sister but in many ways Willow is my little sister. I guess we sort of adopted each other that first day we met. I saw her being picked on by Cordelia and her Cordettes, she wouldn't stand up for herself she was too shy and quiet, so I called Cordelia and her friends 'stupid-heads' and told them to leave Willow alone; they left after telling me I had cooties. We ate lunch together and she gave me half of her sandwich when she saw I didn't have a lunch. I know that it was childish, and I don't think our relationship has changed that much in all of these years; I still look out for her and protect her while she takes care of me, like a good brother and sister should.
Now considering how horrible my father is I've been blessed to have such amazing father figures in my life. First would be my master Mr. Charles Lee. A father should be someone a child can look up to and try to emulate. In that case I think that Master Lee is the greatest father a son could ask for. I mean who wouldn't want to be a kung-fu master and the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. I think that after a while he started to look upon me as a son as well. I've never seen that look that he would give me after I mastered a new technique. It was a look that expressed love and caring but most of all it was pride. I guess for most people its not that important they see it everyday, and now I know how the other half live. I think that Master Lee needed me just as much as I needed him. The knowledge of the Warrior's was always passed down through the family making the training style based upon that relationship. I guess it was inevitable but that doesn't change how special it was and I just hope that I can become as good of a man as Lee is.
If Lee was the man to give me the knowledge of the ancients then I guess Giles would be the one to dispense the wisdom of the world. Giles and I are in a love, annoy relationship, but I know that he would protect me with his life. I think that Giles and Master Lee are a lot alike they both don't have children of their own so the ones they care about get adopted. I believe that Giles looks on Willow Buffy and I as his children.
Who is the person who has shaped me the most you ask. Well, that would be my father. He has given me a gift more precious than any metal or jewel; he has given me the gift of knowing exactly who I don't want to be when I grow old. I now know that no matter what I end up doing in my life if I am not like my father I will be a success. My father gave in to the pain and pressure of the world and he let it control him. I now have something to fight for when I feel myself slipping and I have a reason to be strong. So do I love my father? Yes, I do. I may not like him, but I do love him.
I look at myself in wonder when I think about who I am because I am Xander Harris and nobody else can ever copy that.
Xander Harris
* * *
Xander's Room
To the untrained eye the room of a teenage boy looks like a strange temple dedicated to dirty clothes, food, and pop culture. Xander's room is no exception; in fact his room is the quintessential teenage boy's room. Dirty clothes are make up the congregation in this strange temple covering the floor leaving only small glimpses of the navy carpet below. Opened candy bar wrappers and empty bags of chips are strewn about like the remains from past sacrifices. Colorful posters depicting an assortment of musical icons, none of which are hung straight, cover the walls paying homage to the pop culture gods that all teenagers sacrifice their impressionable minds to in their quest for the intangible presence of coolness.
An old guitar leans against the wall keeping a silent vigil over the proceedings. At one point in his life Xander decided that he wanted to learn how to play the guitar, so he saved his money and bought a used six string and a book on how to play. His idea was to be a self taught prodigy, so he would sit in his room for hours playing the cords over and over working on the changes until he could make the guitar sing. Eventually he lost interest in his endeavor instead of bringing him joy playing the guitar seemed to only bring out the pain lurking inside him giving it sound and substance making the feelings real and unavoidable. The guitar has not felt the gentle caress of its companion's touch for a number of years, but it still leans against the wall waiting patiently for the music to return.
The centerpiece in this temple is the teen's bed, the sacred altar where the daily rituals take place. It is where large amounts of pizza, the food of the goods, is consumed late at night and where soft glow of the television falls giving its blessing and working its will upon the all that it surveys.
On this quiet night Xander lies upon the altar asleep where he has fallen still in his clothes and still covered in a thin layer of the remains of his late night attackers. Yet he does not toss and turn seeking comfort in this uncomfortable situation; instead he lies still as a corpse the only evidence of life is the subtle rise and fall of his chest.
Although the young man lies still and calm a fierce battle is raging inside his dreamscape. Xander is once again inside his mental arena and just like his earlier test he is once again fighting himself.
This new Xander is a beast of a man. He is wearing the same clothes as Xander but his pants are torn off at the knee to accommodate his large leg muscles and the shirt is ripped in the front along with the sleeves to fit over his barrel chest and huge biceps. In place of normal fingernails five deadly talons are on the end of his hand. The course body hair covering his body only adds to the animalistic look of the young man, and Xander can not help but think of Saber-tooth from the X-men.
The battle looks to be in full swing and Wild Xander's ferocity is extraordinary as he unleashes a torrent of vicious slashes using his wicked claws to his fullest advantage keeping the regular Xander on the defensive.
Blood pours from the crisscross pattern of cuts that are forming on Xander's forearms as successful blocks are turned into wicked gashes by the beast's claws. As his defense is beginning to crumble around him Xander knows that he must break his opponent's rhythm if he is going to survive past the next few minutes.
Wild Xander's claws are drenched in blood and with each strike large drops of the warm liquid pour down like rain. Xander is feeling overwhelmed as each strike puts him further off balance and closer to the fatal strike. A large drop of blood flies off of a claw arcing in the air to splatter upon Xander's neck. The warmth of his own blood running down his neck and down his open shirt to be caught the white tank top is unsettling for the young man, but it does give him his only chance of stopping the flurry of strikes coming at him.
Seeing his chance Xander attacks with a straight punch as fast as he can aimed at his opponent's face. Xander was too far away for the punch to actually land; but that was not his intention.
The blood pouring from his wounds covering his arms is the real weapon. The forward momentum of the attack sends a large amount of the crimson liquid flying toward its intended target splattering Wild Xander's face and more importantly his eyes.
The beast man's attacks continue without the use of his eyes never letting his focus waiver never stopping to clear his vision. Only after a few more strikes does the wild man stop and wipe away the obstruction this gives Xander the time he needs to finally take stock of the situation.
Rage. Deep down inside Xander knows he is fighting the rage that he let loose during his earlier fight. He let his rage control him and now he has to force it back, and his opponent has no other purpose than to destroy Xander. His focus is what makes him so dangerous he has no other thoughts to slow him down no fear and no hesitation, but his focus also blinds him from seeing the whole picture and making his attacks unplanned and disconnected.
Only by constantly attacking putting his prey on the run can he gain an advantage. A simple plan forms in Xander's head as he takes in his opponent's strengths and weaknesses. Xander knows that his fury will be no match for his adversary's if he is forced to keep it under control, so he tries finding the closest match.
The pain in his arms gives him the answer as he tries to find an emotion that he knows well, but hates with all his soul. Deep down Xander must find his fear and use it to keep himself alive.
Fear. It is a universal emotion dealt with in a thousand different ways. Xander preferred way of dealing with his fear was to convince himself that it did not exist until it went away, but now he needs to face it and master it within the next few seconds before his blinded opponent can start again.
Xander looks deep inside and sees his own death and sees what will happen if the beast takes over his physical shell. He sees him destroying everything that once made him angry. First would be his parents then the students at Sunnydale High who had teased him. He then saw his friends try and stop him only to be destroyed themselves by his own hands only feeding his anger at the world. He saw himself burn up his rage slowly as more and more people die until it was all gone, and he watched himself lie down in the ruins of the town he both loved and hated and just stop. Everything just stopped his body just ran out of fuel and gave up.
This is where Xander finds his focus to match the razor sharp rage of his opponent. The desperation and the need to win strengthened the young man. Xander closes his eyes to revel in the feeling as it flows through his body like a second boost to the adrenaline already coursing through his blood, and into his mind giving him focus increasing his reflexes and his senses including a strange six sense for danger born from his need to survive.
Xander's eyes shoot open as he feels his adversary launch himself toward him. The two fighters begin the beautiful ballet of death. The fighters look like two mighty waves coming together as Xander uses his new found focus to avoid the wild attacks while setting his feet for a counter attack. Xander ducks under an overextended attack and counters with a sharp left and right combination to the ribs followed quickly by two slaps to the face. Xander then backs off a few paces and smiles at the personification of his own rage standing before him with surprise written all over his face.
Wild Xander slowly brings his hand up to caress his cheek and the bloody handprints left there not quite understanding what just happened. A punch, a kick, and elbow strike these are things that the man's bestial brain can comprehend the fact that he was mocked is completely foreign to him, but his prey's body language speaks loud and clear. The mocking grin, the slight slouch, and the relaxed muscles all speak of a total disregard of him as a threat or a predator.
The howl that reverberates from inside Wild Xander's chest full of rage and demands the death of the one who caused it. The sound is so full of rage that it feels like a wave crashing over the young man's soul. The feeling of feeling his own rage coming at him from outside of his body is almost enough for him to miss the attack that followed. Luckily his sixth sense kicked in soon enough that he instinctually moved away from the attacks.
Xander snapped out of his reverie in time to keep his plan going. Xander dodges the next flurry of blows contorting his body around attacks avoiding them by centimeters. The rustling of air around his face is truly unsettling as a side swipe passes in front of the young man's face as the beast of a man tries to rip the mocking grin off of the young man's face.
Xander ducks under another strike and completes the same sequence of punches as before followed by two more slaps to the face. If Xander was expecting a stop in the fight though he was sadly mistaken as Wild Xander only pushed himself faster and further. Once again Xander is left on his figurative heels under the onslaught.
Xander is walking a fine line; his fear is threatening to control him as he is taken closer to the limit of his power, but his mind is still working at a faster speed as he tries to finish his plan. He sees his opening come quickly and knows that it is now or never as he ducks under another slicing claw.
The first punch is just like first in the series, but the next strike does not come as Wild Xander learns his lesson and brings both claws down to rip his prey in half. Of course this is just what Xander wanted, and Wild Xander's strike only passes through the air.
Xander had known if he blinded his opponent with his own rage he would be able to take advantage of the laps. That was why when his first blow connected he was already spinning with the momentum of the blow coming out of the spin facing the unprotected back of his bestial counterpart.
Xander knifes a flurry of punches into his adversary's kidneys before ducking under the predictable backhand from Wild Xander that followed as he turned to face the young man. As soon as he felt the claw slice over his head Xander launched himself into the air spinning opposite direction as his opponent along with his extended leg that would spell the end of the fight. Wild Xander turned directly into the strike adding to the momentum of the powerful blow and contributing to the power that sent him into unconsciousness.
The large body arcs through the air and lands a few feet away, but Xander remains rigid in a fighting stance ready for the attack that does not come. After a few more seconds tick away Xander releases the breath that he was unconsciously holding and drops his stance grabbing his knees and taking in steadying breaths.
Xander's jaw drops to the floor when he sees the blood pouring from his arms slow and finally stop followed by the wounds closing leaving no indication that they had ever been there in the first place. The young man does not get long to reflect on this as the arena he is standing in slowly begins to fade away, and he knows that he will not be able to stay in his dream world for long.
* * *
Streets of Sunnydale
Xander woke up after his mental battle mentally exhausted but with his body full of energy, so he decided to take a walk in the hope that he will get his body as tired as his mind. He strapped his knives on to his thighs and took two stakes, which he stuffed into the waist of his pants and then covered them with his shirt. Xander crept out of his house careful not to rouse his father asleep on the couch.
The full moon shines down upon the city of Sunnydale bathing the city in a soothing silver glow. Xander walks with his head down staring at his feet letting them lead him to an unknown destination. He turns his thoughts toward the events of the night.
"To think all of this started with one simple dance," he says to the night air.
Xander let out a small laugh hoping to convince himself that the situation was actually funny, but it sounded hollow and without mirth. He then releases a sigh hoping to release some of his confusion and depression like a steam engine releasing a burst of vapor.
You're going to have to make a decision Xander, says his observant portion of his mind.
"You're wrong," he answers aloud, "I don't have to make a decision because there is no decision to make."
The decision of whether you are going to tell the gang about yourself. the voice answers. And if you don't tell them you'll have to avoid them, so they don't find out because if what happened in the Bronze happens again you won't need to worry about keeping a secret.
Xander stops walking and leans against a flickering streetlight stuffing his hands in his pockets letting his fingers poke through the holes and caress the pommels of the knives hidden in their harnesses.
"I can't tell them about me," he answers, "and there is no way I'm going to not be with my friends especially when they need me." The last part of his sentence sounds more like an oath than a phrase.
Well then you're answer is simple; just tell them that you can now fight and that you have a small problem with controlling your gift.
"You know for my brain you sure have a hard time listening," says Xander as he pushes off of the streetlight and starts following his feet again. "I just said that I can't tell them about all of this."
Maybe you could enlighten your super-ego as to why telling your friends the truth is a physical impossibility, asks the voice in his head with a touch of annoyance.
"I just can't okay!" exclaims Xander, who freezes when he realizes that he just screamed at himself, but he continues walking after a few seconds. "I'm going crazy not only am I talking to myself now I'm yelling at myself."
Xander expected the voice to go away after his outburst, but he was sorely mistaken. First off you aren't crazy because I'm not crazy, so you can't be crazy; now why is it that you can't tell your friends about it. says the voice. One would think that the group would be happy to get another heavy hitter in the group.
Another sigh escapes Xander's lips as he tries to come up with a good reason, but he fails miserably. "I don't know I can't explain it," Xander mumbles in defeat as he turns right at a corner and continues following his feet.
I think you do know, says his inner voice, you know because I know. You're just too scared to admit it out loud. You are scared of what your friends will think if you tell them that you are different. You know that she already has a boyfriend who can't give her a normal life and now you can't either. You're afraid that they will treat you differently if they know the truth and your afraid that they will be afraid of you. Any of this ringing a bell?
"It might be", answers the young man, "but I also don't want to be a liability. I don't want them to look at me like I could snap at any time and then have them treat me with kid gloves. I just want to be Xander Harris, friend and funny guy. I don't want to be Xander Harris, sidekick. I don't want to be playing Robin in this scenario; I'm good enough to be Batman, but we already have one of those."
So what is the dark knight going to do, asks his super-ego its inner voice practically dripping sarcasm. Are you going to live a double life? That means that you can't patrol with her and still protect her.
Xander looks up and sees that he is outside Master Lee's former house, which is now his. "You're wrong," a grin slowly appears on Xander's face as he answers. "I'm just going to have to work harder and that means I'm going to have to get better."
Of course the flaw in Xander's plan is made known to him again by his inner voice. That means that your inner demons are going to get stronger as well, and your control will have to get even better.
Xander can not put into words how much he hates that voice.
* * *
Sunnydale High School
The sun shines down upon the dale that it gives its name dispelling the shadow of the night and replacing the soft glow of the moon. Sunnydale High School is teeming with life as students move about outside the school unwilling to enter the wide double doors and face the challenges that wait inside the sterile halls.
Xander is at the top of the stairs in the front of the school leaning against the railing and soaking in the sun and trying to expand his mind trying to be aware of everything around him trying to expand the strength of his intuition. With the amount of evil that creeps around at night Xander is hoping to tap into his sixth sense like in the dream, so he can not be surprised on patrol. Xander takes in a deep breath tasting the sunshine and life around him and lets out a deep breath in a sigh of contentment.
Xander spent the rest of last night inside his new home training and reading from the journals of past masters. After going through some mental exercises he worked his body for about three hours practicing his techniques armed and unarmed. He then spent the rest of his time in meditation using a technique described in one of the master's journals. It was a rejuvenation technique where the participant falls into a deep sleep like state and draws strength from the outside world. The technique worked and the young warrior awoke from his trance feeling alive and filled with energy.
That is the state that Willow finds the young man as he calmly leans against the hand railing idly fingering the hem of his shirt. Willow is surprised that he is at school so early, but she just assumes it has to do with what happened last night. The quiet redhead makes he way toward her friend treading carefully up behind him in the hopes of catching him unaware.
"Hey Willow," Xander calls over him shoulder without turning around.
Willow stops in her tracks and looks around her in the search for a mirror or some sort of reflective object. If there was a mirror in front of her she would have seen the smile on Xander's face stretched from ear to ear when he heard her gasp of surprise.
"Will, are you giving me the silent treatment for a reason or what," asked Xander, "I don't remember doing anything that would warrant the wrath of my best friend, so I don't know what I should be apologizing for."
"No, I'm not giving you the silent treatment, answers Willow, "but how did you know I was behind you?"
Xander sits fully on the railing pulls his legs into the air and spins on his axis to face his friend with a wide smile on his face. "I heard your foot steps when you were trying to sneak up on me," answered the young man, "guys don't were shoes with heals and you are the only girl I know who actually sneaks up on me instead of sneaks away from me."
Willow's original smile returns when Xander drapes his arm over her shoulder and starts walking into the building. She can not help but snuggle in closer as they walk, but she stops herself when she feels Xander's body stiffen slightly at the extra contact. Mentally she panics hoping that she had not over stepped her bounds as friend. She is torn between wanting him to ignore it keeping his arm where it is and hoping that he will take his arm away look at her and finally talk to her about them as a couple. Xander settles for a combination of the two by removing his arm and ignoring the situation.
The two friends walk in silence through the sparsely populated halls when Willow suddenly remembers what she was going to talk to Xander about earlier. She pulls him off to the side toward her locker and Xander follows without question. Willow spins the lock entering her combination and opening the metal door before turning back to her friend who is waiting patiently for her to grab her things.
"I forgot to ask you about last night," says the red head, "Where did you go after the dance? I didn't know where you went; I tried to call you but when you didn't answer I got worried that you ran into trouble"
Xander runs his hand through his hair and lets out a forceful sigh as he remembers the events of the previous night. He looks away from his friend not wanting to make eye contact before he offers a response.
"I just had to get out of there Will," he says apologetically as he turned to look her, "I could feel everyone staring at me and I just got a little claustrophobic. When I got home I decided that sleep was the cure, so I disconnected my phone so I wouldn't be disturbed. I'm sorry you were worried, but I just needed to be alone for a while."
If Willow had known what really had happened that night she may not have had the same look on her face, but she didn't so she offered her friend an understanding smile and squeezed his arm in reassurance.
"It's okay Xand; I understand," Willow says keeping her hand on the young man's arm. "But the real question is what has gotten into Buffy. I think we need to talk to Giles about this. I think Giles is monitoring the halls today before school I think it would be a good idea to see him before Buffy gets here."
"Okay, that sounds like good idea," says Xander nodding. The two friends leave, after Willow grabs a book from her locker, in search of the librarian.
The two friends find Giles standing in the student lounge watching over the halls with a bored look on his face. The faculty now has to take turns monitoring the halls before school; just another one of Principal Snyder's new policies. Willow and Xander approach the watcher and Willow gives him a small wave as they draw closer.
"Giles we have to talk," says Willow not waiting for the proper exchange of greetings.
Giles nods his head and motions for the two friends to follow toward a small nook for some privacy. The conversation moves toward the couches and Xander follows slowly behind the two not anxious to have the conversation.
The Watcher and the teenage girl start talking about Buffy and what has happened in the past day, but Xander is hardly paying attention to the details just listening idly.
"Maybe she's possessed?"
"By what?"
"I don't know. Some possessing thing. You're the watcher you figure it out."
"I don't think we are dealing with a possession."
Xander finally spoke up when he felt the conversation had come to a useful point.
"I agree with Giles on this one," the young man said from his seat on the cheap piece of furniture. "She is scared and confused, so she is acting strange because she doesn't know what to do."
Giles nods in agreement with a mild look of surprise on his face that the revelation came from Xander of all people, but Xander is not finished.
"For one thing she died," Xander says enumerating on his fingers as he stands up and faces his friends. "Although it was only for a few seconds it could have been permanent, and she has to face the fact that she has a life expectancy of a field mouse. On top of that she won; she beat the master with relative ease after he killed her. I think she has learned that it really doesn't matter how good you are training will only increase her time until the end. Some stupid fledgling with dirt still on his burial suit could kill her at anytime. All of this she will deal with, but she can't see past the chosen one thing. If she can die at anytime then that means that we can die too, and so she is pushing us away because she thinks that death is following her around and that the longer we stay with her the more likely the fact that we will die."
Xander then sits back down on the table after his long speech and turns away from his audience. The speech hit a nerve with the young man when he realizes that he will have to deal with the same problems if he too takes up the cause.
Giles just stands as still as a statue taking in what was just said he takes off his glasses and wipes the nonexistent particles of dust from the curved lenses. Willow falls onto the couch not looking to see if there actually is a chair for her to land in. She falls into the couch as if the gravity of the situation is too much for her to bear forcing her to find support.
It is this melancholy scene that Buffy finds as she enters the cafeteria looking for her watcher. The oppressive silence of the room would normally made the Slayer nervous but today she does not pay it any mind.
"Giles," calls Buffy from the doorway of the cafeteria. The watcher turns to see his emotionally distraught slayer approach him fast. Before he can greet her and attempt a conversation she blurts out the reason for her morning visit, "The Master is gone!"
Three jaws drop at the news. Giles wipes his glasses again, Willow stands up and tries to talk but can only make unintelligible grunts and garbles, and Xander just buries his head in his hands.
Giles is the first to recover from the shock to question Buffy, "are you sure about this?"
"Yeah I stopped by and there was a big hole in the ground with no master inside."
Willow finally overcomes her shock to ask the question on everyone's mind, "Giles, what would somebody want with the bones of the Master?"
Giles turns to address Willow, "I'm not sure," answers the watcher. "They must be trying to resurrect the Master, but I've never heard of such a ceremony actually working."
At hearing this Buffy grabs Giles tweed clad shoulder and spins him around forcing him to meet her gaze. "Are you saying that you knew that they could be trying this," asks Buffy clearly upset at what she perceives to be a betrayal.
Giles is flustered as he stares in to the murderous blue-green orbs of the Slayer. Buffy's eyes hold no pity as Giles writhe before her gaze. Words fail the man as he grasps at words that pass through his head trying to find the right combination to explain his actions.
"Well.yes," replies the watcher. Lucky for the watcher Willow is there to pull his fat from the fire, "Well, Buffy, Giles did bury him and we did the ceremony and."
Of course when Buffy turned her glare toward the redhead she was less then thrilled with her need to defend the man. "Look, this is Slayer stuff, okay," Buffy's eyes glare into her best friend. "Could we have just a little less from the civilians, please?"
Willow involuntarily takes a step back as she is overwhelmed by her friend's actions. Xander has patiently watched the scene play out without saying anything, but watching one of his best friends being attacked by his other friend is more than he is willing to stand.
"Hey," the Warrior exclaims standing up and getting nose to nose with the Slayer. "Just back off okay. We are a part of this too remember? We are in this because we want to be and because we need to be and because we care. We care about our families, our friends, and we care about you. Just let us help."
Xander's body stiffens when the words pouring from his mouth finally catches up with his brain, and the look of surprise on his face exactly mirrors the one on Buffy's. The two just stand there staring at each other neither looking away and neither actually comprehending what is before them.
The scene becomes heavy with anticipation as Willow and Giles wait to see what will happen. If Buffy will hug the young man or punch him across the room. The scene does not change only the background of filing students give any evidence of the passage of time.
Xander is a mess inside his emotions fighting each other for supremacy with love and hate leading the charge. Xander knows that he should be upset with the petite blonde standing before him. The dance and her attack of his friends do not lend themselves to understanding, but his head is being fought tooth and nail by his heart and the caring he has for her. The longer he stares at her the more he sees her. The worry lines crossing her brow and the reflection of unshed tears pooling in front of her blue-green eyes pull at the young man's heart, and he knows that the mighty Slayer is scared. Watching her standing there in all of her vulnerable glory all Xander can think of is to hold and protect the girl with all of his might, but he stands fast unwilling to break the moment.
Buffy stands watching the young man before her wondering 'why'. 'Why did he have to be so sweet to her?', 'Why did he have to say that he cared?', and most of all she wonders 'Why does he have to look at me like that?'. Buffy sees the softness of the teenager's chocolate eyes and the kind smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. Buffy sees these things and she knows what they mean, but she can not face this now. Buffy can only see what his face would look like in death. She sees his eyes turned cold and lifeless and his mouth open letting out a silent cry for all eternity, and she knows that if she lets him stay with her that sooner or later she will not be able to stop it.
The two continue to stare until Giles sees Snyder approaching from down the hall and breaks the moment by clearing his throat snapping the duo out of their statuesque poses. "Now is not the time," says Giles nodding his head toward the Snyder. "I think we should continue this in the library after school."
The teenagers nod their heads and disperse toward their classes to knowing that today will be an exercise in willpower as they are forced to study and pay attention with the world hanging in the balance.
* * *
Library After School
For the three teens now spread throughout the library looking through dusty tomes the whole day has been a blur of worry and classes. The guilt of carry such a huge secret has weighed them down as they watch the students of Sunnydale obliviously go about their lives.
However the satisfaction of doing something constructive is short lived for one Xander Harris. The thin layer of dust laying upon the books flies into the air with each turn of the page irritating his and makes reading the faded script within even more of a challenge.
With each turn of the page Xander mumbles some more, "I hate Latin, I hate Sumerian, and I hate old English. Why can't they just upgrade to English 2.0?"
The others do not hear the disgruntled rambling of the young man and continue with their own search. The quiet of the room is broken by the scrape of a chair's legs against the wooden floor when Giles stands quickly drawing everyone's attention to him.
"Alright, alright, I-I-I've got something," says the watcher with uncertainty. "It's Latin, so bear with me. Uh, to revive the vampire they need his bones, which they have, and, um, the blood. This is very unclear, of the closest person... uh, someone connected to the vampire."
"That would be me," announced Buffy from her perch on the library table. When she sees the skeptical look on the faces of her friends she elaborates, "We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness."
"Giles, do we have any idea of where or when this ceremony needs to take place," asks Xander, who is sitting on the steps leading to the stacks. "If we can find out where it is going to."
Xander's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of breaking glass as a rock crashes through the pane with a loud crash. Xander is up in less than a second and reaching into his self-tailored pockets to grab his hidden daggers. Buffy catches the rock and inspects it to find a note attached by an expensive looking bracelet.
"This is Cordelia's," she says as she unclasps the fine piece of jewelry. She unfolds the note and reads it aloud, "come to the Bronze tonight or we make her a meal."
"What are we going to do," asks Willow.
Buffy lets out a sigh as if to show her boredom with the situation before saying, "I go to the Bronze and save the day." The Slayer then turns toward the door to make her exit, but she is stopped by Xander's voice.
"This is a great plan," says the young man with sarcasm dripping from every word. "Well master strategist maybe you should tell us about phase two of your plan before you go ahead with phase one."
Buffy turns to look at Xander, who is casually leaning against the side of the stairs waiting for Buffy's answer. "Phase two," asks Buffy clearly annoyed at Xander's remarks.
"Oh come on Buffy, you have to remember phase two," says Xander staring at the blonde expectantly. "Well phase one is obviously the 'Buffy walks right into a trap and is sucked dryer than an over cooked turkey, but I would like to know what phase two is because you won't be around to implement it."
Buffy looks like she has just been slapped in the face and in actuality an actual slap may not have hurt as much as the young man's word did. Buffy's eyes turn cold and angry, and she looks like she is about to kill Xander but instead she quietly speaks, "Phase two is where you never come near me again, and I don't put you in the hospital."
Buffy storms out of the library throwing open the doors so violently that they almost fly off their hinges. Xander stands silently staring at the doors that continue to swing open and close alternating his view from the varnished wood to the retreating form of the petite Slayer.
Giles and Willow can only stare at each other not knowing how to respond to what has just transpired before them. When they do turn their gazes toward Xander they find him with his entire body clenched and shaking slightly. Sweat beads upon his brow and he appears to be whispering to himself.
"My anger is my fuel, my pain gives me strength, I am their master they serve me." This is Xander's mantra and he repeats it over and over as he feels his emotions wash over him, and although he tries to bring them under control they overwhelm him.
He feels the pain of loss as if there is a whole in his heart where Buffy normally stays, but she has walked out on him literally and figuratively. Every muscle in Xander's body is clenched as his anger flows through his body giving his body strength, but he has no release because of the emotion that is confusing the hell out of him. Love. Even through every facet of his anger and hurt he still can not help but love the girl. He can not bring himself to let his pain obliterate it, and he can not allow his anger to consume it. All he truly knows is that he can not let her go.
Giles and Willow can feel his emotions swirling around him, and they can almost see the flames of Xander's rage lapping at his sides and can feel the hollowness inside of him. Xander stiffly walks toward the double doors and snaps out his right fist connecting with the oak causing it to swing open violently allowing his to pass before swinging back again.
The act of violence causes Willow and Giles to jump in surprise not expecting such an action from Xander. Willow approaches the varnished door and runs her hand over the area where her friend's fist connected feeling the dent left behind. Giles can only shake his head and return to his book hoping to find an answer but not really remembering the question.
Xander stiffly walks down the halls of Sunnydale High School without paying attention to where he is going. He is blinded by the fires of his own fury, and it is taking all of his will power to keep it from consuming him. He can feel every muscle clenched tightly his legs are corded into bands of steel as he continues his journey through the halls.
Xander walks outside of the school and looks around as he feels a gentle wind sweep across his gently cooling his fevered face. His eyes spot a large tree standing outside of the school, and he begins to walk toward it.
Xander reaches the tree and collapses to his knees before it. The young man sets his back against the tree and sits down in the lotus position. Xander feels his anger and his pain inside of him both seeking to control him. He can feel the flames of his rage trying to burn away his compassion and conscience while his pain is threatening to swallow his heart.
Xander closes his eyes and begins to breathe in and out slowly before turning his thoughts toward his senses. He listens to the wind gently rustle the leaves above his head, smells the aromas of the night air carried on the wind, and feels the rough bark against his back. Xander embraces the peaceful complexities of nature calming his mind and allowing him to find his lost focus.
Xander turns his consciousness inward to find the peace within himself to match the peace without. Xander can feel the pain in his heart contained within bringing with it a numbness to his heart that is more painful then any cut or bruise.
Xander slowly opens up the barriers surrounding the whole in his heart allowing the pain to wash out like a river breaking free from a damn. Xander accepts the pain letting it flow through his body sweeping away his other pains and weaknesses in the rushing rapids before he begins to push it all toward his center again. Xander forces the pain to flow toward the flames of his rage letting the two forces fight against each other the flames burning away the hollow pain and the pain smothering the flames of his rage.
The two forces swirl and collide until Xander's rage finally burns away all of his pain not leaving any of it behind, but the flames are now much smaller and Xander exerts his will upon it easily shaping the flames and focusing the fire. The flames converge to create a column of fire that fuels and warms the young man's body.
Xander lets out another breath and pushes out all of his residual weakness feeling the peace inside of him and reveling in it. Xander is snapped out of his meditation when a scream pierces the calm night comes form inside the school filling his heart with dread.
Xander explodes into movement leaping to his feet and sprinting toward the school moving as fast as his legs can carry him. The hallway is a blur the brightly colored posters nothing more but short streaks on the white walls. Xander turns a corner putting the large library doors in sight. Another scream comes from behind the doors, but Xander does not hear it over the pounding of his pulse in his ears.
With a few feet away from his goal Xander reaches for his daggers bringing them out of their harnesses and then lowers his shoulder to brace for the impact as he bursts through doors.
All eyes turn toward the doors and Xander once he is inside, and he finds a scene straight from a nightmare. Giles is standing with his back against a wall surrounded by nine vampires holding them at bay with only a small cross. Willow is unconscious draped over the shoulder of another vampire who looks to be making a getaway with his prone prize. Xander's eyes burn with rage and his mouth curls into a snarl as his anger reaches new heights as he sees the horrible monster putting his evil claws on his friend.
Xander takes in the situation quickly while everyone is stilled stunned by his sudden appearance. Giles sees the young man and shouts for him to run and save himself but a violent backhand silences him. Giles is knocked off his feet and the cross is sent flying across the room.
Xander sees the watcher fall, and he does not listen to his warning. His left-hand snaps forward throwing his dagger toward the vampire holding Willow. The blade sinks into the vampire's thigh causing him to scream and grab at the dagger dropping willow to the ground.
Xander charges the group of vampires throwing his other dagger into a vampire's throat and picking up a chair without missing a step. Xander swings the chair connecting solidly with the chin of the closest vampire. The chair shatters into several pieces, and drops to his knees snapping his right leg breaking the kneecap of a vampire dropping him to the ground.
Xander grabs two stakes created from the broken chair planting his fists on the floor allowing him to sweep out the legs from under a vampire to his left. Xander rolls onto the prone form of the fallen vampire leaving behind a stake sticking out of the vampire's chest piercing his heart.
Xander comes out of his roll in front of the vampire with his dagger still stuck in his throat. Xander grabs the hilt of the dagger removing it while depositing his other stake into the vampire's heart.
Xander sees a vampire charging him from his left hoping to catch the young warrior on the ground and at a disadvantage. The vampire only swings through empty air as Xander throws his feet over his head performing a compact back handspring and lands on his feet in front of the off balance vampire. Xander Kicks his foot into the air and brings it back down on the back of the vampire driving his dead into the hard wood floor.
Xander takes another look around and sees the vampire that was holding Willow has removed the dagger and has grabbed his friend again and that another vampire has grabbed Giles as well. The remaining six uninjured vampires are flanking the two burdened vampires. Xander bends down and grabs two more pieces of the broken chair with his left hand as he throws his retrieved dagger with his right sending it into the other thigh of the vampire holding Willow.
He quickly stakes the vampire lying down at his feet and charges the group of vampires unleashing his rage letting it give him strength. Xander steps on the vampire with the broken kneecap, who has collapsed onto the ground trying to realign his crooked leg, and uses him as a launch point surprising the group of vampires.
Xander takes flight swinging his leg out to connect with the face of a vampire blocking his path to his friends. The vampire is knocked sideways colliding with one of his comrades allowing Xander focus his attacks on one side of his flank.
Xander strikes with his left stake in an underhand attack dusting another impediment to his goal. Xander pivots on his right foot sending his left out in a wide arc to connect with another fanged jaw. Is about to follow up with a stake when his knees are taken out by a chop block from the two vampires he had knocked away before.
Xander's stake goes wide and drives through the monster's shoulder as the young warrior is sent crashing to the earth. The air rushes out of Xander's lungs with a grunt as his chest collides with the wooden floor, and Xander can hear the laughter coming from the two vampires that took him down.
The vampire holding the unconscious Willow passes her to another vampire and picks up the two daggers that had previously resided inside of his thigh muscles. He points to the vampire still clutching his broken knee and says to his remaining brethren, "dust him and take the humans to the anointed one for the ceremony. I will catch up to you guys after I take my revenge upon this little bastard."
The wounded vampire moves to his feet quickly in surprise but falls back to the floor as his leg gives out underneath him. The vampire slides away from his brethren begging for mercy, but one of the four vampires picks up a stake and plunges it into the heart of their companion silencing his pleas. The four vampires leave carrying Willow and Giles. Xander gasps for air trying to regain his lost breath when two black leather boots enter his field of vision and he hears the metallic song of his two daggers being slid across one another.
"Well," says the vampire licking his lips in anticipation, "I guess you should be happy. These two toys you've left me will be put to good use spilling more blood than you can imagine. I think I'll start with yours."
The leach bring the twin daggers up ready to drive them into the back of the young warrior when Xander raises up at the waist and lets out a desperate cry. He drives his remaining stake into the vampire's boot breaking through the tough leather to pierce the vampire's foot snapping the tiny bones under the powerful blow. Xander then grabs the vampire art the ankle and heaves dropping the vampire onto the floor.
Xander and the vampire snap to their feet at the same time and fall into their fighting stances. Xander takes up a defensive stance his eye traveling from his own twin daggers held in his enemy's grip down to his stake lying on the floor. The vampire holds the daggers in front of him in a purely offensive stance.
Xander's rage is gone replaced by the dread of desperation; he tries to move past the vampire to rescue his friend, but his every move is met by the flash of a dagger. Xander can feel the time slipping away and launches an attack hoping to bring the vampire down quickly.
He leads with a right hook, but he quickly stops the punch and ducks under the dagger he knew would be coming. He tries to follow up with an uppercut, but the vampire has pulled away letting the uppercut fly short of its mark. The next two dagger attacks cut through the air and narrowly miss cutting through Xander as well. Xander counters with a kick to the demon's chest driving him back a few steps.
With his newfound space Xander stoops down to pick up his fallen stake. Xander takes up his fighting stance again and tries to find the strength to match the speed of his opponent.
Xander thinks of his best friend and pictures what the demons will do to her. This time instead of despair Xander uses the mental imagery to feed his rage fanning the flames of his hatred for the beast standing before him.
Xander finds his second wind and charges the demon again leading with the stake. Xander falls forward into a roll passing under the expected dagger strike. Xander pivots in a crouch sending his leg out to sweep away his opponent's footing, but the vampire proved to have better reflexes than expected and jumped over Xander's foot.
Xander quickly stops his momentum and pushes his off with his feet sideways planting his hands and cartwheeling to the right kicking the vampire in the face in the process.
Xander turns to face his adversary quickly and launches himself toward him again, but the vampire turns as well and stabs at Xander stomach. Xander sees the attack but knows that he can not stop himself in time so instead he contorts his body and drives the dagger into his side.
The vampire smiles brightly opening his mouth to reveal two rows of knifelike teeth. The vampire drops his other dagger and brings his hand up to pull Xander's head to the side exposing his vulnerable neck. When the vampire brings his mouth down to sink his teeth into his prey he feels Xander shift underneath his grip and drive his stake into his chest and into his dead heart.
Xander falls to the ground as the vampire disperses into dust releasing his grip and taking away his support. Xander rolls over and clutches his hand to his side feeling his warm blood pouring from his wound and onto his hand.
Xander grits his teeth and crawls across the floor toward a table. When he reaches it he slowly pulls himself up to a standing position leaning against the table for support Xander takes off his shirt and pulls off his undershirt hearing the sickening suction of his soaked shirt pull away from his bleeding wound.
Xander bunches up his undershirt and pushes it against his wound putting pressure on the gash. Xander slowly moves to Giles office where he finds the first aid kit. Xander uses the kit to bandage his wound putting pressure on the wound to stem the flow of blood. Xander then puts away the kit and retrieves his shirt and daggers, which he cleans on his undershirt before throwing it away in the trash. Xander puts on his shirt and is about to walk out the door in pursuit when he realizes that he has no idea where they have taken Willow or Giles.
Xander walks over to the table full of books and finds Giles books. Next to the books is a note pad with several phrases written on it. "Looks like Giles was translating something," says Xander to himself as he looks over the notes. Xander reads through it trying to find out some sort of clue when he finally figures it out and shouts, "Not closest! Nearest! They want the people who were with him when he died."
Xander reads some more but can not find out where the ceremony will be. Xander feels the despair again, but his rage consumes it as he again sees Willow in his head no longer full of life staring at him with cold dead eyes.
Xander lashes out pushing over the table and knocking over chairs and books. When his rage plays itself out Xander collapses against the table and holds his head with his hand not sure what do and feeling the despair return again.
Xander hears the library doors open from his seat behind the over-turned table. Xander holds himself still straining his senses to discern the identity of the intruder. Xander hears the lights click of boots on the hard wood floor and more importantly hears the steady breathing of the intruder.
Xander takes heart knowing that his possible adversary was not a vampire or other demon and stands up cautiously with his right hand in his pocket fingering the pommel of his dagger prepared just in case the new player is on the other team.
Xander's hand relaxes when he sees Buffy standing in front of him in shock as she takes in the carnage, more than half of which Xander did himself after the fight. Xander clears his throat quietly to get Buffy's attention. The young girl snaps around startled by the gentle noise. Buffy's face washes with relief at the appearance of her friend; the earlier fight forgotten the memory overridden by her relief.
"Xander," exclaims Buffy rushing over to him, "What happened here. Where is Willow and Giles?"
Xander looks away from Buffy, before he answers, "they were taken by the anointed one's minions to complete the ceremony."
Xander is angry and disappointed in himself knowing that he could have saved his friends if he had only been a few seconds faster. Buffy misunderstands his action thinking that he is angry with her for not being there during the attack.
"Look, I'm sorry I ran off, but I'm going to set this right and that means getting my friends back."
Xander turns and looks at the Slayer asking with his eyes the question that comes from his lips, "how?"
Buffy smiles dangerously; her eyes lit by an inner flame. "Come with me," she says walking over to the library door, "you be good cop and I'll be bad cop."
Buffy turns back around her and begins to run through the halls her golden tresses trailing behind her beckoning for Xander to follow. Xander can only shake his head let out a sigh and follow.
* * *
Outside the Bad Guy's Warehouse
The commercial section of Sunnydale exists in two different worlds in the light of day the place is full of the hustle and bustle of commerce. The town's closeness to Los Angeles and its low property taxes makes the town a perfect place for large companies to keep their nonperishable goods in storage until they are needed elsewhere or a perfect location for a factory to cut down on transportation costs. However when night falls the bustling land of capitalism changes as the supposed abandoned factories come alive with death when the creatures of the night awaken to hunt those foolish enough to be outside past daylight.
Angel, Buffy, and Xander enter the world of darkness without fear as they search for the warehouse described by the decoy vampire left at the Bronze. Xander thinks about the events in the Bronze while his two companions search ahead of him.
* * *
Flashback
Xander and Angel watch Buffy question the vampire with a morbid fascination as Buffy interrogates her. Their attention held firm as Buffy uses her cross to make the information extraction as painful as possible.
Angel is the first to look away as the demon inside of him causes his revulsion upon witnessing the torture of one of his own kind. Xander had a hard time watching as well, but his reaction is brought on by Buffy herself and watching her handle the vampire with such malice.
Angel tries to keep his mind off of the sights and sounds of the torture and turns his mind to other thoughts when a strange smell enters his perception. Angel flares his nostrils and takes in a long drag of air savoring the smells with his mind trying to find the smell's source.
Angel turns to Xander suddenly and reaches a hand out to the young man prodding the wound hidden under the bandage and the folds of his large shirt. Xander pulls in a hissing breath to keep his mouth closed trying to not cry out in surprise and pain. Xander places his hand over the dagger wound in defense as he turns his body away from Angel's probing hand.
Xander fixes the vampire with an angry stare and looks over to Buffy to make sure she was still immersed in her own activities before whispering to the vampire angrily. "Hey watch it Deadboy. Two hundred years and you haven't learned the concept of persona; space? And my parents think I'm stupid."
Angel matches the young man's look with one of his own. "Why didn't you tell us that you are hurt," asks Angel, his voice clearly stating his annoyance with the young man standing in front of him. "I can smell your blood, and I'm guessing from the strength that it is pretty bad. You should tell Buffy."
Xander begins to shake his head before Angel can finish his thought. "I can't tell Buffy. Don't you see? She needs this to make herself feel in control. She doesn't need me making her feel guilty. As far as she knows nobody has been hurt because of her, and I aim to keep it that way."
Buffy finishes her questioning by staking the weakened vampire and walks over to the two men to tell them where their friends are being held. As they walk away Xander mouthed to Angel behind Buffy's back, "not a word."
* * *
Xander is brought back to the present by Angel announcing that he has found the place. Xander and Angel follow Buffy inside the doors moving as quietly as possible to sneak into the compound unnoticed.
The three watch the beginning of the ceremony as the lead vampire begins to make a long-winded speech about their great fallen master waving a knife in the air for added effect.
"We have to save them before they start the ceremony," says Angel looking to Buffy for a plan, "We need a distraction."
Buffy pulls out a stake and the familiar fire dances in her eyes and she says, "right, leave that to me."
"What are you going to do," asks Xander, who more than slightly happy to see the spark returned to his friend's eyes.
Buffy only smiles and responds, "I'm going to kill them. That ought to distract them."
With that Buffy begins to creep over the vampires careful to not make a sound. Xander leans over to Angel and whispers to him, "when Buffy starts you get the others to safety. I'm counting on you."
With that Xander also begins to creep away, but Angel grabs his arm stopping him. "What are you doing," he asks in a hoarse whisper, "your hurt and they'll kill you."
Xander only smiles and shrugs of the hand saying, "I'm not trying to kill them. Trust me I have a plan."
With that Xander is off again circumventing the ceremony and sneaking through the only other exit from the large storeroom. Xander finds himself in a smaller room that leads to the outside. Large boxes cover the floor and give Xander ample cover when he takes up position behind one.
Xander quietly breaks a stake off of the box he is hiding behind and waits for the beginning of the fight. Xander does not have to wait long to hear the distinct sound of a vampire turning into dust. Xander looks at his watch and prepares himself to act. As if on cue the lead vampire rushes through the doorway herding the anointed one to safety. Xander waits for them to pass by his hiding spot before he reveals himself by driving his makeshift stake through the vampire's heart.
Xander lets go of his stake upon contact with the leach's heart leaving it to fall to the earth amidst the shower of fine dust. When the anointed one turns around he sees Xander already holding his dagger and ready to end the supernatural child's life.
The small demon backs away holding his hands up in front of him in a pitiful defense. Xander takes in a few short breaths to steady himself trying not to picture the innocent face and only think about the evil underneath. Like a lightning strike Xander's left and right hand snap out in succession. The anointed one has to time to react and can only witness the after math of the strikes when he sees two dagger hilts sticking out of his chest.
The miniscule demon falls to the dusty cement floor disturbing the thin layer of dirt before his body disintegrates into a fine dust leaving behind two steel and silver daggers sitting in the ashes.
Xander retrieves his daggers and returns them once again to their harnesses before walking back to join his friends in the main storeroom. Xander watches Buffy finish off the last one with ease, and quickly moves to help Angel free his captured friends.
After everyone is conscious and strong enough to stand the group surrounds the skeletal remains of the master. Xander reaches down and hefts a large sledgehammer testing its wait in his hands. He turns to Buffy and offers it to her saying, "I think it's time we ended this nightmare. Finish it."
Buffy takes the sledgehammer and begins to pound the bones of the master into pieces and does not stop until the table is cleared of all remains. Angel stands behind Buffy waiting patiently for her to finish and is ready to catch her when she drops the hammer and turns into his embrace.
Xander watches for a few excruciating seconds before he looks away and begins to walk away lending support to Willow and Cordelia after their traumatic experience. Giles and Jenny lean on each other, both thankful that the other survived the ordeal in one piece.
Buffy pulls out of Angel's embrace but not his touch as they too walk outside Angel's arm draped over Buffy's shoulder. "Hey," calls out Buffy getting the attention of the people ahead of her. "What about the Anointed One and his little babysitter? They ran off when the fight started."
Xander grins slightly and calls back to her, "I saw the way they high- tailed it out of here. I don't think we'll be seeing them any more; I bet they left town."
"Yeah," supplied Willow, "they probably moved on to someplace safer shaking off the dust from their feet. You know like Jesus told his apostles to do when they traveled, and you know because they turn to dust when they die."
On the outside Xander only smiled like everyone else at Willow's attempt at humor and the subsequent awkward explanation, but on the inside he was rolling around on the ground laughing.
End of Chapter 7