From the desk of Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry
RE: REQUEST FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS POSITION
Dear Professor Snape,
Upon receiving your second proposal, I was most saddened to hear that both Professor Cleveland and the pair of pants are no longer fit for active teaching at the school. I feel especially sorry for the pants. I trust that you understand what an awkward position this puts me in.
In light of the fact that the Dark Arts position is once again vacated, I have no choice but to spend the remaining three months until school locating a new teacher for the position. As you may know, I have been interviewing every article of laundry in the washroom, but have met with little success, owing to someone setting fire to the washroom and writing "$N4P3 RUL3$" in chocolate syrup across the floor.
As per school ordinance, I am required to conduct interviews of current staff and clientele of the school before pursuing an outside applicant. To that end, I have since begun interviewing some of the drapes in the Great Hall, as well as any rug or floor covering over a minimum 15 square footage, that can present three or more letters of recommendation from reputable sources.
I am sure you understand that this is merely school procedure, and that as soon as I am satisfied that no suitable applicant can be found among the fabric items of the school, I shall of course turn to any applications and proposals that have been submitted by the faculty itself within the last few months. Most regrettably, your most recent proposal was filed in my furnace under "FIRE," and since then has become misplaced. If you would be so kind as to go through the entire infuriating process of copying your resume and recommendations in triplicate by hand onto water-proof vellum (as is standard protocol for the school), I will be more than happy to use it as a drinks coaster for only the highest-ranking officials who visit my office.
I also have word that the ball of string is filing a class suit against you for unlawful surveillance and am most anxious to hear the outcome of that case. If you would kindly keep me informed, I would certainly appreciate it. I remain,
Truly Yours,
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore
P.S. If you should receive an email later with the attachment, "ffrqTROJANHORSE.exe", that's a new program I want installed on all faculty computers immediately, starting with your candy-ass iMac.
************
Oooh, he done MESSED wit Sevi's iMac! It be freakin war now, bitch. ( -(Das Author)
RE: REQUEST FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS POSITION
Dear Professor Snape,
Upon receiving your second proposal, I was most saddened to hear that both Professor Cleveland and the pair of pants are no longer fit for active teaching at the school. I feel especially sorry for the pants. I trust that you understand what an awkward position this puts me in.
In light of the fact that the Dark Arts position is once again vacated, I have no choice but to spend the remaining three months until school locating a new teacher for the position. As you may know, I have been interviewing every article of laundry in the washroom, but have met with little success, owing to someone setting fire to the washroom and writing "$N4P3 RUL3$" in chocolate syrup across the floor.
As per school ordinance, I am required to conduct interviews of current staff and clientele of the school before pursuing an outside applicant. To that end, I have since begun interviewing some of the drapes in the Great Hall, as well as any rug or floor covering over a minimum 15 square footage, that can present three or more letters of recommendation from reputable sources.
I am sure you understand that this is merely school procedure, and that as soon as I am satisfied that no suitable applicant can be found among the fabric items of the school, I shall of course turn to any applications and proposals that have been submitted by the faculty itself within the last few months. Most regrettably, your most recent proposal was filed in my furnace under "FIRE," and since then has become misplaced. If you would be so kind as to go through the entire infuriating process of copying your resume and recommendations in triplicate by hand onto water-proof vellum (as is standard protocol for the school), I will be more than happy to use it as a drinks coaster for only the highest-ranking officials who visit my office.
I also have word that the ball of string is filing a class suit against you for unlawful surveillance and am most anxious to hear the outcome of that case. If you would kindly keep me informed, I would certainly appreciate it. I remain,
Truly Yours,
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore
P.S. If you should receive an email later with the attachment, "ffrqTROJANHORSE.exe", that's a new program I want installed on all faculty computers immediately, starting with your candy-ass iMac.
************
Oooh, he done MESSED wit Sevi's iMac! It be freakin war now, bitch. ( -(Das Author)