From the desk of Professor Severus Snape, Potions master at Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry
RE: REQUEST FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS POSITION
To Whom It May Concern:
I'd like to once again commend you on your tireless efforts to procure the most adequate teacher for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. Unfortunately, the position doesn't seem to be mine yet, and I can only conclude that your efforts have been in vain and you don't know your ass from your hat.
Having since recopied my proposal for your tentative approval, I have taken the liberty of nailing it page by page to the front door of your office and hope that you will be so good as to look it through whenever you have a moment. I want nothing more than to see that this position goes to the person most suited for teaching the subjects contained therein, provided that person is me. To that end, I have provided a few letters of recommendation on my behalf, in the form of several pairs of highly trained attack pants, which I have hidden throughout your bedchambers. I have no doubt that they will persuade you that I am the most capable applicant for the job. Should this prove not to be not the case, I will regardless sell you the antidote to their zipper-venom at a discounted rate.
Per the ordinance of the school, I have also filed all school rugs and curtains into my toilet, under "Whoops." They have since that filing become misplaced. And I don't care.
As you requested, I have also received up-to-date information on the formerly pending lawsuits. The ball of string and I have settled out of court. I suggest you seriously reconsider my proposal for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job, as I am now also in possession of most of Switzerland, due to a large and rather shameless lawsuit-coup of this chocolate and wooden clock-infested nation. The ball of string and I have now also joined forces, and we will see you in Hell.
Yours truly,
Severus Snape
P.S. That candy-ass iMac got me through college, which is more than I can say for your eMachine. I could CRAP a better computer than that.
RE: REQUEST FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS POSITION
To Whom It May Concern:
I'd like to once again commend you on your tireless efforts to procure the most adequate teacher for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. Unfortunately, the position doesn't seem to be mine yet, and I can only conclude that your efforts have been in vain and you don't know your ass from your hat.
Having since recopied my proposal for your tentative approval, I have taken the liberty of nailing it page by page to the front door of your office and hope that you will be so good as to look it through whenever you have a moment. I want nothing more than to see that this position goes to the person most suited for teaching the subjects contained therein, provided that person is me. To that end, I have provided a few letters of recommendation on my behalf, in the form of several pairs of highly trained attack pants, which I have hidden throughout your bedchambers. I have no doubt that they will persuade you that I am the most capable applicant for the job. Should this prove not to be not the case, I will regardless sell you the antidote to their zipper-venom at a discounted rate.
Per the ordinance of the school, I have also filed all school rugs and curtains into my toilet, under "Whoops." They have since that filing become misplaced. And I don't care.
As you requested, I have also received up-to-date information on the formerly pending lawsuits. The ball of string and I have settled out of court. I suggest you seriously reconsider my proposal for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job, as I am now also in possession of most of Switzerland, due to a large and rather shameless lawsuit-coup of this chocolate and wooden clock-infested nation. The ball of string and I have now also joined forces, and we will see you in Hell.
Yours truly,
Severus Snape
P.S. That candy-ass iMac got me through college, which is more than I can say for your eMachine. I could CRAP a better computer than that.