From the desk of Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry
RE: REQUEST FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS POSITION
Dear Professor Snape,
I am always happy to review any new proposals that might be submitted to me. I have received/pried your proposal loose from the door and I assure you that I will be thoroughly reviewing it once I can locate it. I had formerly filed it in a hatbox under "Manchair", which was locked in a filing cabinet located in a disused girls' cloakroom in the basement under the dungeon with a sign on the door stating "Caution: Loud Noises and Paint." It has since then become misplaced.
You will be happy to know, however, that prior to your submission of your latest proposal, I had found a suitable candidate for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. I have interviewed him thoroughly and perceived that, while not possessing all of the qualities that I would have hoped for in the new DA teacher, he does emit a loud variety of slamming noises every so often. After thorough examination, I have come to the conclusion that the new professor is in fact my office door. However, as he came to the interview with an impressive amount of recommendations and a very satisfactory proposal nailed to him, I am delighted to award him the position.
Therefore, Professor Door will be taking over the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this coming fall term, and I am sure you and the rest of the faculty will have no trouble in making him feel at home on the staff. Professor Door has requested some additional source material with which to prepare his class, and as I understand you are very keen on the subject of the Dark Arts, I told him that you would be more than willing to be his full-time assistant with no compensation whatsoever. I have also granted him permission to call you "Lab Monkey" at his discretion, as well as the use of your bedchambers and girlfriend Sarah, on weekends and holidays.
I would also like to congratulate you on your success in settling out of court with the ball of string, and assure you that, as I am currently dating the ball of string's sister, there will be no friction between myself and your stringy cohort now or at any future date, loser. If you have any further questions or comments regarding the Dark Arts position, please feel free to stand on the lawn outside my office and shout them, and I will happily keep my window closed and ignore you.
Truly Yours,
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore
P.S. At least when MY computer breaks, you can fix it instead of going out and buying another "Fruit of the Month" tangerine crap-machine. By the way, Professor Door told me to tell you to make sure your girlfriend wears something sheer this Saturday night, and that you should be out of your rooms by ten o'clock.
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Awww MAN, Snape's woman has to date a DOOR? It is clear something drastic and flammable must be done to the new Professor. Defend your bitch, Snape!
RE: REQUEST FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS POSITION
Dear Professor Snape,
I am always happy to review any new proposals that might be submitted to me. I have received/pried your proposal loose from the door and I assure you that I will be thoroughly reviewing it once I can locate it. I had formerly filed it in a hatbox under "Manchair", which was locked in a filing cabinet located in a disused girls' cloakroom in the basement under the dungeon with a sign on the door stating "Caution: Loud Noises and Paint." It has since then become misplaced.
You will be happy to know, however, that prior to your submission of your latest proposal, I had found a suitable candidate for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. I have interviewed him thoroughly and perceived that, while not possessing all of the qualities that I would have hoped for in the new DA teacher, he does emit a loud variety of slamming noises every so often. After thorough examination, I have come to the conclusion that the new professor is in fact my office door. However, as he came to the interview with an impressive amount of recommendations and a very satisfactory proposal nailed to him, I am delighted to award him the position.
Therefore, Professor Door will be taking over the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this coming fall term, and I am sure you and the rest of the faculty will have no trouble in making him feel at home on the staff. Professor Door has requested some additional source material with which to prepare his class, and as I understand you are very keen on the subject of the Dark Arts, I told him that you would be more than willing to be his full-time assistant with no compensation whatsoever. I have also granted him permission to call you "Lab Monkey" at his discretion, as well as the use of your bedchambers and girlfriend Sarah, on weekends and holidays.
I would also like to congratulate you on your success in settling out of court with the ball of string, and assure you that, as I am currently dating the ball of string's sister, there will be no friction between myself and your stringy cohort now or at any future date, loser. If you have any further questions or comments regarding the Dark Arts position, please feel free to stand on the lawn outside my office and shout them, and I will happily keep my window closed and ignore you.
Truly Yours,
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore
P.S. At least when MY computer breaks, you can fix it instead of going out and buying another "Fruit of the Month" tangerine crap-machine. By the way, Professor Door told me to tell you to make sure your girlfriend wears something sheer this Saturday night, and that you should be out of your rooms by ten o'clock.
************************
Awww MAN, Snape's woman has to date a DOOR? It is clear something drastic and flammable must be done to the new Professor. Defend your bitch, Snape!