Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold!

Silence fell over the meeting room. The three occupants glanced around, waiting for someone to break it.

Actually, it would be more correctly called near-silence, as there was still noise, but simply a lack of vocal activity. Zeke, determined to avoid the role of speaker, munched loudly on his potato chips. Exploiting the reflective, mirror-like finish on his flame-colored lenses, he pretended to be staring at a wall, when in fact he was eyeing Arnold and Will, waiting impatiently for the conversation to start.

In the same fashion, but with a different motive, the mentor sat waiting, ears primed for the first words out of either boy's mouth. This particular technique demanded that the mentored start the discussion so that the session didn't feel "controlled." Will, of course, knew that the longer the wait, the harder it would be for either boy to speak up. Thus, he tried to hurry the process along with a few tactics.

Arnold was undergoing an internal struggle as he sat idle. Despite his unusually high level of confidence and optimism for his age, anxiety was making a guest appearance in his subconscious. Part of him, possibly most of him, still felt uncomfortable talking about girls and other problems he expected to be addressed. The rest of his will power fought back, urging him to drop the barrier he was imposing on himself.

Two noises consecutively broke the seemingly impenetrable speech bank. The first was a devised ploy by Will, designed to provoke Zeke into snapping, "I'm sorry, but is there a reason that you're doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"You know, the slurping."

"Oh, you mean this?" Will continued to sip his Yahoo in the loud manner Zeke was describing.

Zeke chuckled, "Okay, I see what you're trying to pull here. You think that by doing something annoying you're going to get one of us to start talking. Is that it?"

"Did you not just talk?"

"Huh? Hey, I thought you were supposed to be a mentor, not a shrink!"

"Ha! You have to pay me before you can call me a shrink, Zeke. But I am using a technique I picked up from a friend of mine, a real psychologist. I like to call it 'observational icebreaking.'"

"Well, I like to call it 'annoying.'"

"Okay, then. And I suppose you were eating those chips with your mouth open out of courtesy for Arnold and me."

Zeke and Will smiled back and forth with somewhat arrogant looks on their faces. Arnold rolled his eyes, preparing for the one-upmanship battle that was about to take place.

"So who taught you this fantastic conversation-starter?"

"I doubt you'll know who it is, but it was Dr. Bliss."

This comment triggered a loud hiccup out of Zeke.

"Are you okay there, Zeke?"

"Oh, yeah, fine. I was just drinking the soda a little fast. But Dr. Bliss, you said? She's pretty cool."

"You know Dr. Bliss?"

"Oh…well, not personally. She stops by 119 every few weeks to meet with a few of the kids there."

"I see. So you go to P.S. 119, then. Arnold, where do you go to school?"

Arnold sat for a moment before it finally registered that he was being called on to speak. "Oh, P.S. 118."

"118, that's good. I was hoping to get kids from different schools."

Neither boy responded after this, bringing the conversation back to a standstill. Will allowed this, wanting only to facilitate and not lead at the moment. Arnold, growing fed up with the amount of time being wasted, went to speak but was cut off.

Zeke reached for his pocket, retrieving the source of the loud, melodic beeping that filled the room. Glancing at the device, he got up to leave. "Sorry, guys, personal call."

The door opened and closed. With the occupancy down to two, Arnold and Will looked at each other, each in an attempt to figure the other out.

"Arnold, I'm not 100% sure, but I'm guessing you're here because you've got a problem."

"Well, kind of…but doesn't everyone who comes in here have problems?"

"Most everyone does, but I didn't say 'problems,' Arnold. I said you have a 'problem,' as in one, singular."

"What do you mean?"

"You appear to be a kid who's really got it together, a straight arrow, so to speak."

"You can tell that just by looking at me?"

"Partly. You're dressed pretty conservatively for a ten-year-old, with the plaid shirt and plain-colored sweater and jeans."

Arnold glanced down at his permanent choice of apparel. "Hey, I'll admit I dress different from the rest of my classmates, but how does that tell you that I've 'got it together?'"

"Just a hunch. But tell me; am I right? You're here because you've encountered a new problem that you're not as used to dealing with."

After a brief pause and sigh, "Yeah, that's right. But how did you know?"

"Arnold, understand something here. Whatever this problem is that you're having, you're not the only one going through it. Any problem you encounter has been faced and conquered by millions of people before you."

"Yeah, I'm sure a million other Arnolds are out there having as much trouble as me trying to get a million other Lilas."

"Excuse me?"

Arnold realized he'd spoken that comment a bit too loudly. "Hold on, I didn't mean to imply anything there."

"It's about a girl! Ha, I should have known!"

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing."

"No, I saw where you were going with that. Was it the clothes that gave that one away, or was it another 'hunch' of yours?"

Will chuckled a bit, "No, it's just that you're only the umpteenth boy I've talked to your age having these girl problems."

Arnold slouched in his seat, annoyed by Will making light of the situation. "Thanks, I feel a lot better now that you think my problems are so funny."

"Arnold, come on! The first thing I do with all my kids is put their problems in perspective. Making fun of it is one way to make it seem like it's not that big of a deal."

"So what you do is make me feel like my life's a joke; is that it?"

This drew loud laughter out of Will.

Arnold patience was beginning to wear. "I don't see what's so funny about this! I thought you were supposed to help me out!"

The laughing abruptly ceased. "Arnold, you missed the point."

"What point?"

"The point I just made. Tell me what it was when it comes to you."

"But I—"

The door flying open upon Zeke's return interrupted Arnold. "Sorry about that. It was my mom."

"I know what that's like."

Zeke gave Will a confused look. "What do you know? I bet they didn't even have cell phones when you were our age!"

"Actually, they did have cell phones, and by they, I mean adults. We kids didn't need cell phones way back in the 90's."

"Yeah, sure. What if you left your homework at home? How would you get a hold of your parents to get them to bring it for you?"

"Well, if you happened to have some change on you and your timing was good enough to remember the missing assignment while you were near a pay phone, then you were saved. But that never happened. If you left something at home, you had to think up a damn good excuse for it or take the zero. And it was really embarrassing back then, because the majority of the class actually did the homework and you got singled out."

Zeke waited patiently. After what he judged to be a long enough pause, "I see. You're saying we've got it easy?"

"That's one way of putting it."

Arnold piped up, "Oh, come on! First you laugh and make a joke out of my problems, and then you tell us we've got it easy?"

Will stood up and waved them both down. "Okay, guys, just cool it for a second and let me try to explain. All I'm doing is putting everything in perspective for you. I know it drives your age group nuts when you're told that your problems are insignificant. To you, of course these problems seem like a big deal. They consume your whole world, your whole existence. But outside of your own world, they mean absolutely nothing!"

Arnold interrupted, "I get all that! But why are you telling us all of this? I don't see how demeaning us is helping the issue."

"Whoa, hold on a second! Let's get one thing straight right now: I am not demeaning you guys. We're talking about your problems, not yourselves individually."

Arnold folded his arms and gave Will the half-lidded look. Zeke leaned forward and locked Will in the sight of his glossy glasses. They were now both in their most receptive positions. Will seemed to recognize this as he sat down and made his point.

"Gentlemen, my point is this: by realizing your problems are insignificant, you reduce the burden that they present to your lives. By seeing them as something pointless or as a joke, it becomes easier to face them and overcome them."

Zeke slowly reclined back, mouth open as he processed this new proverb.

Arnold also contemplated the words just spoken by Will, and suddenly perked up. "Hey, I get it now! You were laughing at my problems because they were a joke! A joke's something you laugh at!"

"I was afraid you weren't going to get it! Good job, Arnold! Zeke, is there anything you want to add to this?"

Zeke turned and looked at the two of them, jaw still hanging down to his chest. After Arnold and Will started to get worried looks on their faces, Zeke snapped out of his trance. "Oh! Uh, no, I thought you summed it up pretty well."

"Okay, then. Well, guys, it looks like our time's up for today."

Arnold looked at Will in amazement. "Already? But we've only been here for like, ten minutes!"

"I'm sorry, Arnold. I appreciate the sudden enthusiasm and everything, but we're only booked for this room until 4:30 today."

"Aw, come on! You were running late; you've got to make that time up!"

"Trust me, we'll more than make up for it next time. Thursday we've got the room for as long as you like."

"I guess we can wait…but why do we have to leave right now? Who's using the room right now?"

The door flew open in response. An older man came into the room carrying a folding table followed by a few other guys. "All right, kiddies! It's 4:30, time to clear out for our poker tournament!"

"Oskar? You're the reason we have to clear out of here?"

"Oh, hello, Arnold! Sorry, but those are the breaks!" He punctuated the vacation with his nervous chuckling as Arnold, Zeke and Will filed out of the room, passing about a dozen middle-aged guys who promptly began to fill the meeting place with cigar smoke in spite of the no smoking signs present on the walls. As the door closed behind the three, Oskar could be heard calling out, "Hey, who started in on our snacks?"

"Either of you need a ride home?"

"No thanks, I take the bus."

"Fair enough. What about you, Arnold?"

"That's okay, Will. Maybe some other time."

"All right, then. See you guys on Thursday."

As Will's car pulled away from the front of the YMAA, the bus pulled in right behind him. Zeke turned to Arnold as it stopped, "That's convenient. You going on this one?"

"Sure am." The two of them boarded and took a seat towards the back. Arnold glanced around, trying to locate one of his classmates, but couldn't find anyone. He turned back to Zeke. "So, what'd you think of our mentor?"

"Eh, he's okay. I guess he made a good point with his 'no big deal' speech."

"Yeah. I suppose it makes sense to belittle your problems, but when I think about it some more, isn't that a lot like denial?"

"It does sound like that, but I don't think he intended to—" The loud beeping noise again made an interruption. "Sorry, Arnold. Do you mind if I take this one?"

Arnold shrugged his shoulders in acceptance.

Zeke answered the phone, "Hello?…Oh, uh…Hi, Mom…I'm on my way home right now…Nope, no problems with the mentor…Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you all about it. Listen, Mom, I'm with a friend right now, can I let you go?…Would you stop worrying about that?…I'm taking care of it, okay?…Right…Bye." Zeke put the phone back in his pocket and turned back to Arnold. "Sorry, she can be a real pain sometimes."

"Don't worry about it. But, Zeke, don't mind my asking about it, but is that cell phone from Big Bob's Beepers?"

Zeke seemed to be having trouble answering the question. "Big Bob? What about Big Bob?"

"I was just wondering because a friend of mine has a phone just like that one."

"Yeah? Well, now that you mention it, I think my parents probably got it there."

Arnold noticed Zeke seemed a bit unnerved by his last question. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm doing just fine!"

This wasn't going to pass. "All right, Zeke, I know you're lying to me."

"Lying? What gave you that idea?"

"Just tell me why you got upset when I brought up Big Bob."

Zeke froze. "Arnold, I…I don't know what you're talking about."

Arnold contemplated his course of action for a moment. "Look, Zeke, you're not going to get anything past me. So why don't you just end the discussion right now?"

After another brief pause of his own, Zeke threw his arms up in frustration, "Fine! Here's the deal: Big Bob and my dad are really close friends, and thus, I'm a bit more acquainted with Helga than I let on earlier."

Arnold was perplexed. "Why were you so worried about me figuring that out?"

"I don't know, okay? I just get a little bent out of shape when I hear Big Bob's name. The guy's not a pleasant houseguest when he stops by on occasion."

"I will give you that much, but I still don't get why it's a big deal."

"It just is. Can you leave it alone now?

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it. Well, this is my stop. I guess I'll see you in a couple days, Zeke."

"Right. See you around, Arnold."

As Arnold departed the bus, Zeke watched in great anticipation. When the doors shut and the bus began moving again, Zeke leaned back and breathed a loud sigh of relief. A couple passengers nearby took note of this especially loud display of liberation, to which Zeke snapped, "What?"

"A mentor? What the heck do you need a mentor for?"

"I don't know, Grandpa. I guess I was just looking for a second opinion on the whole girl issue."

"Oh, I get it. You think the old man doesn't know what he's talking about?"

"That's not it, it's just…I feel like I need to talk to someone my age, someone who's had these troubles a little more…recently."

"Aw, Arnold, you don't need to sugarcoat it. This sort of thing is confusing at any age. You can talk to just about anyone about it. All I'm going to say is don't expect any miracles."

"Good job, Gramps! You destroyed the poor kid's confidence faster than I knocked down that old office building over on 56th!"

"Yeah? Well, what would you tell him, Potts? Sometimes the truth hurts and you just gotta let 'em know it right up front!"

"Baloney! Arnold, you can't tell me that you're actually having the kind of trouble with these girls you say you're having. Remember how you got me hooked up with Lola?"

"Don't forget how you're always helping work things out between me and Oskar."

"I know, guys. But still, it's different when you're helping someone else out versus trying to help yourself. Could I be excused now, Grandpa?"

"You absolutely can be with that negative attitude! Keep your chin up, Arnold! They'll all come around eventually!"

"Oh, now you're going to jump on the bandwagon and act all supportive of the kid?"

"Don't start questioning my motives! You said it yourself that the boy knows what he's doing!"

The bickering started flying back and forth as Arnold left the dinner table. As he made his way through the kitchen and headed toward the staircase, he laughed at the thought of everyone having a heated argument over his petty boyhood problems.

The bus pulled to a stop in front of a purple house. Zeke stepped off the bus, and crept up the steps to the front door. After checking to make sure it was unlocked, he quietly cracked the door open and peered in.

No one was in the main hallway that ran the length of the house from the door to the family room. All of the noise in the house could be heard coming from the kitchen, a loud combination of a blender motor mixing with a gruff male voice. The two sounds seemed to be competing, both growing louder as the other took command.

Zeke snuck in and quickly made his way up the stairs, not wanting to be spotted in the line of sight the kitchen offered. Reaching the top without hearing any yelling being directed at him specifically, he made his way over to a nearby door and knocked.

A voice responded from within, "Who is it?"

"It's me, can I come in?"

"Give me a minute!" Noises could be heard coming from deep within the room. Steps passed from one side to another, and a door could be heard slamming shut after a few moments. "Okay, come in!"

He opened the door and slipped inside, still making sure the adults downstairs took no notice.

"Oh, please! Bob and Miriam barely notice me, let alone my guests."

"I know, but I don't want to take any chances with them. It's never fun having a conversation with Uncle Bob."

"I'll concur with that. So how did it go?"

"I think I managed pretty well."

"Does Arnold suspect anything?"

"I don't think he knows anything for sure, but I did have a few close calls."

"Oh, great! What did it? Was it the cast? The hair? The eyebrow?"

"Actually, it was your stupid phone."

"My phone? I didn't think he'd recognize it."

"Yeah, well, if you would've stopped calling me every five minutes he wouldn't have seen it in the first place!"

"Hey, I need to be informed of the situation at all times!"

"Is that so? Why weren't you there on one of your little surveillance adventures you're always telling me you go on with this guy?"

"I had a group project I had to go work on today! Don't worry, I'll be watching you two the next time."

"I'm not so sure there's going to be a next time."

"What are you talking about?"

"What do you need me for? You said it yourself, you picked this outfit out so you could go and snoop on him!"

"That was before, this is now! As much as I like to boast my acting abilities, there are some roles I know I'm just not able to fill. That costume has to fit me now for backup purposes only."

"Yeah, well, it's a good thing you have your little backup plan, because plan Z is on his way out of here."

"No, you can't! I need you, Zeke!"

Zeke turned around, stopping before he walked out the door, and looked at his cousin. "Helga, I just don't think it's any of my business to get involved with you two."

"I know, and I agree with you, too. But if you hadn't come barging in here that one day when I thought I had locked the door—"

"I'm said I was sorry, Helga. Besides, just because I know your little secret doesn't mean I'm obligated to help you out."

"No, it doesn't. I just thought you'd want to lend your cousin a hand."

Zeke gave her an annoyed look. "Don't try to play off of me like that, Helga. Don't even—"

"I wasn't playing off of you! Criminy, Zeke, can't you just do this for me as a favor?"

"Yeah, I could. But I don't understand why you can't do this yourself."

"I told you, I couldn't be around him like…that."

"I don't follow."

"You know…being all friendly with him…nice…"

"Oh…I get it now. You're telling me because you're such a weak human being, incapable of treating Arnold with a shred of decency that you need me to fill in for you. Is that it?"

Helga looked at the floor and answered quietly, "Yes."

Zeke came over and sat down next to her on the bed. "Okay, Helga. I'll keep up the charade for a little while longer. I've got to admit, Arnold's pretty fun to be around. And the mentor's a character himself."

"Yeah, yeah, just give me the outfit and get out of here."

Zeke stood up and took off the wig, revealing a much plainer head of short, black hair. He took off the shades, revealing a pair of mahogany brown eyes sitting under what turned out to be a fake unibrow attachment, placed there only for consistency if Helga were to don the costume. Finally, Zeke took off the fake cast and laid the whole arrangement on Helga's nightstand.

Helga continued to stare into the floor as Zeke made his way toward the door, not wanting to bother with his cousin's closed-off state.

"Zeke, before you go…"

He stopped at the door again, reluctantly listening for what she would say.

"Look, I know it's hard for you, having to come over here with the possibility of dealing with Big Bob, with everything that's happened between him and your dad. And I also know that we've never exactly been friends or anything—"

"Helga, what's your point?" Zeke impatiently spoke towards the door.

"I just wanted to say thanks."

Zeke resisted the chance to acknowledge her gratitude any further. "No problem, G."

"See you later, Z."

Author's notes: I'm sorry, but I thought I'd have a little fun with you guys after some of you couldn't help yourselves in spoiling the surprise. Yes, Zeke was supposed to be Helga in disguise, but it only works for me if no one knows it! I was sort of stuck in the last chapter; I had to put in a few details about Zeke for continuity when I'd reveal him to be Helga later on, but these just turned out to be blatant hints. Oh well, when the audience is as sharp as this one, it's hard to stay ahead (especially Pointy Objects, you're too smart for your own good)!

Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, by the way. I'll be looking forward to seeing everyone's reaction to this new twist I've added. Thank you for reading!