*holds up sign that says 'MAJOR DUO TORTURE AHEAD'*
*ahem* Just thought I'd warn the readers before they dive into
this new chapter. ^^;; We get to see how Duo feels about the
little 'reevaluation' and it's not exactly...cheerful. For added
dramatic effect, I threw in lyrics from Saliva's 'Separated
Self' off their new album 'Back Into Your System', because I was
listening to it while writing and I think it fits in perfectly
with Duo's train of thought in this chapter. *nod nod* I'm a
sucker for songs in my fics, what can I say? I can't go for one
story with having less than three songs incorporated into
it...*sweatdrop*
Mmmkay, I think I have some reviews that need replying to now...
Dark Ice: If you're creeped out by it, then by no means should
you read, I know I wouldn't if it creeps me out. I try to keep
the confusion down by explaining the psychological stuff through
Doctor Woods as he explains to Wufei and the guys, but if it's
not enough, then I can explain fuller if you want me to. I'm
taking Psychology, so I had to study these disorders extensively
for class, so as I write I might put it in the terms I know it
by out of habit, but I'm trying to make sure I don't lose
anyone. ^^;;; But I promise, it's only going to get better, now
that they know what Duo has and they're going to begin helping
him get progressively better, but it's your choice on whether
you read on or not. *shrug*
Dyna: Heh, yeah it would be hard to say you're enjoying all the
angst and Duo-torture, now wouldn't it? ^^;;; but I'm glad
you're interested in my little story, and I got this next
chapter out as fast as I could!
Ayla: Wow! Another Wufei lover! You don't see many of us around,
plenty of 2x5 supporters though. *nod nod* Duo and Wufei are my
absolute favorite characters and pairing too! ^_^ I'm greatly
flattered by your opinions on my writing and just for that, I
got this chapter out faster!
Nelia: Yes, you're not going to be the only one that's glad
Wufei went in to see Duo. ^_^ Wait until you see what -Duo-
really thinks...And yes, his friends are going to play a major
part in his recovery, more specifically a certain aforementioned
Chinese friend, but the process will be slow and more likely
than not, very painful.
Silversqueen: Gomen ne for making you wait! ^^;;; I got this out
as fast as I could, I swear! I'm glad you think this story is
good so far and will hopefully think so for what I have planned
later...^_^
Mew: Yes, yes, poor Duo, I know everyone is thinking that right
now, but it's a bit redundant, isn't it? Clearly I know to think
'Poor Duo' because he's the one with the mental disorder, but in
chapter 4, Wufei was the one that deserved a sympathetic 'Poor
Wufei'. Yes, Duo is suffering, but now his burden is on Wufei,
Quatre, and Trowa's shoulders too.
Kinishi: I don't think poor Wufei is going to want to fight the
psychologist immediately after that particularly painful
conversation with Duo, but yes, there's always later. *nod nod*
And as for Duo's sap talk...just wait until Wufei comes back
from discussing the situation with Quatre and Trowa...
Jesanae Tekani: hey! It's a buddy from When Angst Ensues! ^__^
I'm glad you think this is good so far. Trust me, if I had tried
writing something like this a few months ago, it would have
sucked, but I've been doing extensive studying on disorders and
such in my Psychology class and fine-tuned on my angst writing
skills on my vampire fic 'Blood Lust'. I'm actually kinda
surprised how this turned out, I thought it was going to be
horrible. ^^;;;
Lady Rune: Yes, I'm a 2x5 fanatic all the way. *grins* I can't
help myself. I'm glad you like this story though, and I totally
agree with what you're saying. Some people try to write fics
like this and it just seems farfetched, but I've done my
research on this subject with my Psychology class, and my cousin
is manic depressive and I have a few friends that are bipolar,
so I had a lot to draw on for this. I thought it was going to be
terrible, but thankfully no body else seems to thinks so. ^^;;;
Avenged Suffering: Nope, you spelled psychiatrists right. ^_^
And I know how you feel, I had to go to a psychologist for a few
sessions because of some personal issues, and I do -not- get
along very good with people I barely know trying to pick apart
my personal life. I can be loud and outgoing, but I'm never
truly open about how I'm really feeling unless it's with my
closest friends whom I know I can trust, so I was not a happy
person having to go see a psychologist. *sigh* And I looked at
that Kirby Morrow site, he kinda looks like a younger version of
Viggo Mortenson. ^_^ If he is worthy of being Trowa's voice
actor, then he must be worthy to play Gambit. *sagely nod*
Shella: Heh, well you're going to be finding all new ways to say
'Ack' with this chapter...*ahem* But yes, I purposely used the
fan's perspective on the G-Boys for Duo's POV, I plan on having
him be surprised on how wrong he was about his fellow soldiers-
in-arms once he gets better. ^_^ Bonus points for my Shella-chan
for noticing that before I even said anything. How the other ex-
pilots would affect Duo is a major thing, seeing how his
'darkness' revolves around being persecuted for all the murders
he committed during the wars and the G-Boys would be a reminder
of those wars. But instead of making it a -bad- major thing,
like having Duo got into a fit at seeing Wufei, I made it good,
his connection of them to the wars is positive because they were
Gundam pilots like him and suffered just as much, so deep down
in his subconscious he knows he can wholeheartedly trust them.
Like how he instantly attaches himself to Wufei. ^_^ It's so
sweet, yet underneath it is very, very serious. *nod nod* Glad
you thought it was good! I am humbly grateful for such a
wonderful-ness review. ^^;;; (and for the record, I got teary-
eyed just writing that scene, so don't worry, you're not the
only one who felt like crying) I think I'm going to go start
writing the School Girl Wufei fic to alleviate all the angst
spinning in my battered brain...
*ahem* Now that's out of the way...On with the story!!! ^___^
***
//If there's a God at Heaven's door//
//Do you think He wants me anymore?//
Yeah, the psycho-doctor actually coming to see me definitely
meant something was wrong.
Then he let me out of the stupid restraints, not saying that I
wasn't grateful, because I really, really was, but that seemed
even more wrong than him showing up in my room instead of one of
those steroid spawn with needles. But even though he did that
didn't mean I liked the quack of a shrink any more then I had
beforehand, nor was I about to answer any of his pointless
questions.
Wouldn't -you- do the same if someone who had tied you up to a
bed and locked you in a little padded room to suffer all alone,
except for when they forced you to sleep with tranquilizers,
suddenly wanted to be all cheery and know every little detail of
your life?
Of course you would.
//It's all left up to circumstances//
//A whole life filled with second chances//
//Pounded like nails into my floor//
At least I'm not as crazy as I thought I was, from whatever in
his folder was saying. It's nothing but a little bout of manic
depression; it can be treated.
That's great, it means the voices can go away and never bother
me again like they were then.
//Everybody hates and everybody dies//
//Begin to separate//
//A world that's full of lies//
But of course, there was a catch. There's always a catch. The
'treatment' meant more drugs and my own willpower to make the
'darkness' go away. What the hell does he think I've been trying
to do for the past couple of months? Sing 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'
and act perfectly normal?
I -know- I'm a pretty stubborn guy, so willpower isn't the
problem, I've got plenty of it. Just not enough to make the
voices shut up for good on my own.
//Separate yourself//
//To separated self//
//Separate yourself//
//To separated self//
Then came the miracle.
Oh dear God, I don't think even You could ever understand how I
felt.
Wufei came; he came to save me...
...and I'll be damned if I've seen him any more scared before
than he was the instant he walked into my nice padded room. No
one else may have been able to see it, but I could, no matter
how much he was trying to hide it with his comfort.
//Surely there's a better place for me//
//A place where I can spend eternity//
//A place where there is no more pain//
//And there is only sunshine reigning//
//And there is no one walking on their knees//
Wufei came to save me...he made the voices go away with one
simple touch...there was nothing tearing apart my mind...no
pain...no memories...no screaming.
No God, not even You could understand how good it felt to be
free like this, if only just for a moment.
He won't let them get me, he promised. He never breaks promises.
I'm so happy I don't care how crazy I sound right now. They're
gonna help me and make everything better again, I'll do whatever
they say if it makes the voices go away and I can be human
again.
//Everybody hates and everybody dies//
//Begin to separate//
//A world that's full of lies//
//Separate yourself//
//To separated self//
Wufei said they're gonna help me...I don't care how crazy or
pathetic I might sound, just don't leave, please don't leave me
here.
I wish I could go with him, even if it's not to see Quatre and
Trowa, I just want out here, to be around people again. Anyone
would do.
Just don't leave me in here, the voices might return...
//My angels they surround me//
//My demons they have found me//
//My demons they surround me//
//My angels they have found me//
//Now//
***
*ahem* Just thought I'd warn the readers before they dive into
this new chapter. ^^;; We get to see how Duo feels about the
little 'reevaluation' and it's not exactly...cheerful. For added
dramatic effect, I threw in lyrics from Saliva's 'Separated
Self' off their new album 'Back Into Your System', because I was
listening to it while writing and I think it fits in perfectly
with Duo's train of thought in this chapter. *nod nod* I'm a
sucker for songs in my fics, what can I say? I can't go for one
story with having less than three songs incorporated into
it...*sweatdrop*
Mmmkay, I think I have some reviews that need replying to now...
Dark Ice: If you're creeped out by it, then by no means should
you read, I know I wouldn't if it creeps me out. I try to keep
the confusion down by explaining the psychological stuff through
Doctor Woods as he explains to Wufei and the guys, but if it's
not enough, then I can explain fuller if you want me to. I'm
taking Psychology, so I had to study these disorders extensively
for class, so as I write I might put it in the terms I know it
by out of habit, but I'm trying to make sure I don't lose
anyone. ^^;;; But I promise, it's only going to get better, now
that they know what Duo has and they're going to begin helping
him get progressively better, but it's your choice on whether
you read on or not. *shrug*
Dyna: Heh, yeah it would be hard to say you're enjoying all the
angst and Duo-torture, now wouldn't it? ^^;;; but I'm glad
you're interested in my little story, and I got this next
chapter out as fast as I could!
Ayla: Wow! Another Wufei lover! You don't see many of us around,
plenty of 2x5 supporters though. *nod nod* Duo and Wufei are my
absolute favorite characters and pairing too! ^_^ I'm greatly
flattered by your opinions on my writing and just for that, I
got this chapter out faster!
Nelia: Yes, you're not going to be the only one that's glad
Wufei went in to see Duo. ^_^ Wait until you see what -Duo-
really thinks...And yes, his friends are going to play a major
part in his recovery, more specifically a certain aforementioned
Chinese friend, but the process will be slow and more likely
than not, very painful.
Silversqueen: Gomen ne for making you wait! ^^;;; I got this out
as fast as I could, I swear! I'm glad you think this story is
good so far and will hopefully think so for what I have planned
later...^_^
Mew: Yes, yes, poor Duo, I know everyone is thinking that right
now, but it's a bit redundant, isn't it? Clearly I know to think
'Poor Duo' because he's the one with the mental disorder, but in
chapter 4, Wufei was the one that deserved a sympathetic 'Poor
Wufei'. Yes, Duo is suffering, but now his burden is on Wufei,
Quatre, and Trowa's shoulders too.
Kinishi: I don't think poor Wufei is going to want to fight the
psychologist immediately after that particularly painful
conversation with Duo, but yes, there's always later. *nod nod*
And as for Duo's sap talk...just wait until Wufei comes back
from discussing the situation with Quatre and Trowa...
Jesanae Tekani: hey! It's a buddy from When Angst Ensues! ^__^
I'm glad you think this is good so far. Trust me, if I had tried
writing something like this a few months ago, it would have
sucked, but I've been doing extensive studying on disorders and
such in my Psychology class and fine-tuned on my angst writing
skills on my vampire fic 'Blood Lust'. I'm actually kinda
surprised how this turned out, I thought it was going to be
horrible. ^^;;;
Lady Rune: Yes, I'm a 2x5 fanatic all the way. *grins* I can't
help myself. I'm glad you like this story though, and I totally
agree with what you're saying. Some people try to write fics
like this and it just seems farfetched, but I've done my
research on this subject with my Psychology class, and my cousin
is manic depressive and I have a few friends that are bipolar,
so I had a lot to draw on for this. I thought it was going to be
terrible, but thankfully no body else seems to thinks so. ^^;;;
Avenged Suffering: Nope, you spelled psychiatrists right. ^_^
And I know how you feel, I had to go to a psychologist for a few
sessions because of some personal issues, and I do -not- get
along very good with people I barely know trying to pick apart
my personal life. I can be loud and outgoing, but I'm never
truly open about how I'm really feeling unless it's with my
closest friends whom I know I can trust, so I was not a happy
person having to go see a psychologist. *sigh* And I looked at
that Kirby Morrow site, he kinda looks like a younger version of
Viggo Mortenson. ^_^ If he is worthy of being Trowa's voice
actor, then he must be worthy to play Gambit. *sagely nod*
Shella: Heh, well you're going to be finding all new ways to say
'Ack' with this chapter...*ahem* But yes, I purposely used the
fan's perspective on the G-Boys for Duo's POV, I plan on having
him be surprised on how wrong he was about his fellow soldiers-
in-arms once he gets better. ^_^ Bonus points for my Shella-chan
for noticing that before I even said anything. How the other ex-
pilots would affect Duo is a major thing, seeing how his
'darkness' revolves around being persecuted for all the murders
he committed during the wars and the G-Boys would be a reminder
of those wars. But instead of making it a -bad- major thing,
like having Duo got into a fit at seeing Wufei, I made it good,
his connection of them to the wars is positive because they were
Gundam pilots like him and suffered just as much, so deep down
in his subconscious he knows he can wholeheartedly trust them.
Like how he instantly attaches himself to Wufei. ^_^ It's so
sweet, yet underneath it is very, very serious. *nod nod* Glad
you thought it was good! I am humbly grateful for such a
wonderful-ness review. ^^;;; (and for the record, I got teary-
eyed just writing that scene, so don't worry, you're not the
only one who felt like crying) I think I'm going to go start
writing the School Girl Wufei fic to alleviate all the angst
spinning in my battered brain...
*ahem* Now that's out of the way...On with the story!!! ^___^
***
//If there's a God at Heaven's door//
//Do you think He wants me anymore?//
Yeah, the psycho-doctor actually coming to see me definitely
meant something was wrong.
Then he let me out of the stupid restraints, not saying that I
wasn't grateful, because I really, really was, but that seemed
even more wrong than him showing up in my room instead of one of
those steroid spawn with needles. But even though he did that
didn't mean I liked the quack of a shrink any more then I had
beforehand, nor was I about to answer any of his pointless
questions.
Wouldn't -you- do the same if someone who had tied you up to a
bed and locked you in a little padded room to suffer all alone,
except for when they forced you to sleep with tranquilizers,
suddenly wanted to be all cheery and know every little detail of
your life?
Of course you would.
//It's all left up to circumstances//
//A whole life filled with second chances//
//Pounded like nails into my floor//
At least I'm not as crazy as I thought I was, from whatever in
his folder was saying. It's nothing but a little bout of manic
depression; it can be treated.
That's great, it means the voices can go away and never bother
me again like they were then.
//Everybody hates and everybody dies//
//Begin to separate//
//A world that's full of lies//
But of course, there was a catch. There's always a catch. The
'treatment' meant more drugs and my own willpower to make the
'darkness' go away. What the hell does he think I've been trying
to do for the past couple of months? Sing 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'
and act perfectly normal?
I -know- I'm a pretty stubborn guy, so willpower isn't the
problem, I've got plenty of it. Just not enough to make the
voices shut up for good on my own.
//Separate yourself//
//To separated self//
//Separate yourself//
//To separated self//
Then came the miracle.
Oh dear God, I don't think even You could ever understand how I
felt.
Wufei came; he came to save me...
...and I'll be damned if I've seen him any more scared before
than he was the instant he walked into my nice padded room. No
one else may have been able to see it, but I could, no matter
how much he was trying to hide it with his comfort.
//Surely there's a better place for me//
//A place where I can spend eternity//
//A place where there is no more pain//
//And there is only sunshine reigning//
//And there is no one walking on their knees//
Wufei came to save me...he made the voices go away with one
simple touch...there was nothing tearing apart my mind...no
pain...no memories...no screaming.
No God, not even You could understand how good it felt to be
free like this, if only just for a moment.
He won't let them get me, he promised. He never breaks promises.
I'm so happy I don't care how crazy I sound right now. They're
gonna help me and make everything better again, I'll do whatever
they say if it makes the voices go away and I can be human
again.
//Everybody hates and everybody dies//
//Begin to separate//
//A world that's full of lies//
//Separate yourself//
//To separated self//
Wufei said they're gonna help me...I don't care how crazy or
pathetic I might sound, just don't leave, please don't leave me
here.
I wish I could go with him, even if it's not to see Quatre and
Trowa, I just want out here, to be around people again. Anyone
would do.
Just don't leave me in here, the voices might return...
//My angels they surround me//
//My demons they have found me//
//My demons they surround me//
//My angels they have found me//
//Now//
***