From the desk of Professor Severus Snape~ Former Potions Master, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

And new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor Boom shaka laka laka Boom shaka laka laka Boom shaka laka laka Boom.

To Whom it May Concern:

Attached to this letter you will find the Purple Zoolawash. Please have the Defence Against the Dark Arts classrooms updated with some new furniture and tasteful curtains, cuz Sevi in da house, biatch. Nyah nyah nyah.

Yours truly, Severus Snape

P.S. $N4P3 RUL3$.