Apt. 99, 9:30 A.M...
"-losing to the Clocktown Wolfos 98 to 42. Forecast for the New Castletown area for today: partly cloudy, 30 percent chance of showers, and a high of 78. Top headlines: Seems a prototype android was stolen from one of Hyrtech's restricted laboratories sometime last night. Police are conducting an investigation into the robbery; nothing else was taken. Sounds like someone couldn't wait for the next model of prostibot. Hahaha... In other news, ambassador to the Republic of Gerudia Sasha Erstwhiles signed the first-"
Link's hand flopped down on the snooze button almost of its own volition. Staring out the window, he waited for a few more synapses to fire before venturing out of bed. 'Goddesses, that was a seriously screwed up dream. I gotta' start getting more sleep, or something...'
Clambering out of bed, Link straightened the covers, then stumbled off to the bathroom to shower. Ten minutes later, he could be seen walking down the hallway more or less blindfolded, as he was pulling a clean shirt on at the time. The garment in its proper place, the first thing Link's eyes beheld was the red-eyed blonde 'bot sprawled out on the sofa watching television.
Sheik glanced up and grinned. "Good morning, Master!" he chirped, "Did you get adequate sleep?"
'Correction: this is a seriously screwed up dream...' Link blinked. "Uh...yeah. Good morning." There was an awkward silence. "So..." Link said, "How...When did you get up?"
"Oh," Sheik said, "Since my battery cells are still fully charged, I decided to come out of standby after approximately four hours and seventeen minutes. If you're hungry, I have made an omelet. It's on the kitchen table." Standing, he walked over to the kitchen (not exactly a long hike) with relative grace, looking over his shoulder expectantly to see if Link was following.
Sitting across from him, Sheik beamed proudly. Link looked down at his plate. The 'omelet,' as it was termed, was a yellowish, jiggly lump flecked here and there with other green and pink...things. Link felt a little bit queasy. Seeing as he was being watched, however, Link bravely scooped up a bit of the...food with his fork, popped it into his mouth, and choked it down. He disguised a gag as a cough.
"It's...it's different," Link said, his eyes watering. 'Nayru! What is this, poison?'
The 'bot looked pleased. "Yes, considering the lack of standard ingredients I was forced to make a few substitutions. Is it still palatable?" He looked hopeful.
Link scooted some of the eggs around on the plate, trying to delay the second bite as long as possible. "It's...yeah, it's all right. ...What, exactly, did you use in it?" He knew he probably wouldn't like the answer, but morbid curiosity compelled him to ask.
"Well," Sheik started, chipper as ever, "as a substitute for cheese, I used pickle relish, and since it was the only meat product I could find, I put some olive loaf in it as well." He leaned his head to one side quizzically; Link was staring very intently at him. "What?"
Link's stare wavered. He glanced down at the omelet, then back to Sheik. "I've never bought olive loaf."
Sheik's smile wilted. "Oh. Oh dear. Then...what were the little green spots on-"
Apt. 99, 9:53 A.M...
Link emerged from the bathroom, pale and trembling. Sheik was introducing the remains of the omelet to the garbage disposal. He sighed mournfully.
"I'm sorry, Master."
Link opened the fridge and threw away the rest of the bologna. "No, it's not your fault. I was going to clean the fridge last weekend." The 'bot still looked rather glum. "You did okay, I mean, for a first attempt..." He looked at his servant 'bot for a minute. "You know what? Screw breakfast." He disappeared into the bedroom and came back with a pair of worn sneakers. "Here," he said, handing them to Sheik, "put these on." Sheik sat down on the sofa to unravel the mysteries of Shoes, while Link pulled a phone book out of one of the kitchen drawers and flipped through it. 'Aha, there we go...'
"How's it coming?" Link asked, walking into the living room to find two untied shoes with a 'bot glowering down at them. "...Don't know how to tie shoes, either, huh?"
Sheik nodded. "There is no data for this task."
"Well, that's okay. Here, I'll show you." Link knelt down and tied one of the sneakers, slowly, so Sheik could see how it was done. "There. Get it?"
"Yes." With the look of intense concentration that would be expected on the face of a neurosurgeon, Sheik eventually tied the other shoe.
"Okay, good. That took me five years to learn and you've got it down in, what, thirty seconds." Link stood up. He took in the full effect of Sheik's outfit, which, on average, was three sizes too large for him. "You look...like a hobo. But that's okay! We'll fix that. Ready to go?" He moved toward the door, Sheik following automatically.
"Where?"
"Mall. I need groceries, and you need clothes of your own."
"I am fully clothed." Sheik wore a puzzled expression.
Link sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, but...Look, see how far you have to roll up the sleeves to see your hands? That's no good; they don't fit. Besides, the plaid, and the paint stains just...no. You need clothes." Sheik nodded assent and let Link lead him out into the hallway.
Eastpark Mall, 11:45 A.M...
"Okay, groceries are done, bank's done, I've eaten, you don't eat, so all that's left is to find something for you to wear...it should be somewhere on this floor..." Link paused to look around to see if he'd already passed the store he wanted.
Sheik was overwhelmed. He'd gone from an apartment-sized world occupied by two people to a sea of faces in a building that seemed to go on forever. It was terrifying, and yet strangely exciting at the same time. Most of the people were hylians like Link, but now and then other races could be seen: a group of zoras, a goron, a peppering of gerudo here and there. And they all looked entirely different. Even the androids, with alternately deadpan and artificially cheery expressions, had variation.
"Oh, it's down there." Link plunged into the crowd again, Sheik staying close.
The Circuit, 12:03 A.M...
The saleswoman eyed Sheik appraisingly. "Hmm...Yeah, okay. This way, please." With a caffeine-induced smile, she led the way through a maze of clothing racks. Stopping at one, she fished through it. "I think a six or an eight should be about right." Finding what she wanted, she pulled a garment off the rack. "What do you think?"
Link turned white as a sheet; Sheik glared and stroked his chin in confusion, wondering which side was up. "That looks complicated..."
Link repressed the urge to strangle the saleswoman. "When I said 'something to wear,' I meant something he could wear outside without getting arrested!"
The saleswoman grinned nervously and stuffed the...article back onto the rack. "Oh! Of course, how stupid of me! That's Cremia's department; this way, please. Cremia!" She bustled off into another section of the store, hylian and 'bot in tow. A redhead seemed to materialize from the depths of the fabric jungle. The two women exchanged a few quiet words.
"All right, then," Cremia said brightly, after the other had left, "let's see now; this is the 'bot, right? Of course it is." She looked Sheik up and down and sighed. "You poor thing; you look like you've been hit by a Goodwill truck." Link rolled his eyes and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. Cremia ignored it. "Well...yes. I can work with this; I love a challenge."
Some time later, the bewildered android found his arms full of clothing and Cremia ushered him into a small room to change. Link leaned against the wall, staring up at the fluorescent lights.
"That's an awesome 'bot; where'd you get him?"
Link's heart skipped. 'What can I tell her? That he was just THERE when I came home?' Deciding that innocent lies were by far preferable to suspicious truths, Link grinned feebly. "Inheritance. Some aunt I've never met."
Cremia smiled. "Wow, that's lucky!" Link shrugged. "Is he one of those new ones? He's really well-programmed."
'Why is she asking so many damn questions?!' "I don't know. He had a really low serial number."
"Ooh! I'll bet he is! And the first shipment of those were all reserved way in advance; there's, like, a seven-month waiting list."
"Huh..."
"Do you like him?"
Link ran a hand through his hair. "Sure, he's okay. He's only been on for about a day."
Cremia sighed wistfully. "I wish I had one. They're way too expensive right now, though. I don't have fifty k. to spare."
Link's eyes would have bugged out of his head if that hadn't been physically impossible. 'Okay, time to change the subject.' He knocked softly on the door. "Sheik, you okay?"
"I am nearly finished. Don't come in," came the muffled reply. Cremia giggled at the realism. A few seconds later, the 'bot emerged.
"Oh, good, it fits." Cremia tugged a bit at the fabric to see that it hung correctly. Sheik was complacently still, letting the woman check seams and fastenings. The outfit was several pieces that sealed together cleverly to look like one garment, and was a dark bluish-purple color with patches of lighter purple and white lines that drew the eye upward.
Link couldn't quite decide whether he liked it or not. It was nice-looking and all, but... "Isn't it a little...form-fitting?"
Cremia didn't bother to look up. No doubt she'd heard that very question several dozen times already. "Android clothing generally is. They have standardized body sizes, and it saves money on fabric. Since this one fits, he won't have to try on any others if you don't want to." Link conceded the point that 'bots probably weren't really self-conscious about their appearance.
As it turned out, android clothing was generally pretty inexpensive as well, so Link coughed up the money for five sets of clothes in standard-small-frame size 6.
Link's slightly-used 4673 Transcom Quasar, 1:15 P.M...
"Well, gee, isn't this delightful. Goddesses, we'll be here for a bloody hour..." Link grumbled to no one in particular. Lunch hour traffic was always ridiculous in this part of town. Sheik stared out the window, unfazed. What was there for him to be impatient about? They both jumped when a hoverbike thundered over the roof of the car, nearly slamming down onto the hood. Sheik uttered a cry of alarm and Link swore loudly. "Goddessesdamn it! Where's a cop when you need one? Did you see that; he could have killed someone! Aagh..." The cars inched forward a few yards. The traffic came to a rolling halt again; Link's car idling quietly.
Overhead, a few copters thrummed past, creating little eddies of breeze on the ground below. Sheik glanced up at them. Link followed his gaze.
"Lucky bastards. Too bad hovers can't go that high... Hey, look, it looks like it's letting up a little bit up here." The Quasar lurched forward, as though shocked by having to move suddenly.
Civcopter ID#34-09-37, 1:18 P.M...
A blonde young man in a suit was looking thoughtful. Then, with a small smile, he flicked on the copter's phone and dialed. After one and a half rings, a man's tired, cranky visage graced the phone screen.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Wilkins. Any progress?" the blonde queried pleasantly.
The addressee snorted in a manner that suggested an answer in the negative. "I hope you're shittin' me, Callaghan. Your guys never showed up! I stayed up all night waiting."
The blonde's face fell into a frown. "Oh? I wasn't informed of that. I'll see to it. Good day." He reached forward and hung up, then leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to calm his nerves. He never liked to appear flustered. Making a mental note to make an appointment with 'his guys,' he turned to watch the crawling traffic below.
Apt. 99, 2:30 P.M...
"Okay; you got all that?"
Sheik nodded. "Perishables in the refrigerator, nonperishables in the cupboards."
"Good." Link gave Sheik a tentative brotherly-clap-on-the-shoulder. "Thanks, Sheik."
The android smiled. "You're welcome, Master; that is my function."
Link left to take a bit of a nap before going to work, leaving Sheik alone with the groceries. He took everything out of the bags, setting them on the counter and sorting through them. Hard, cold things belonged in the freezer; that was that little door above the big one on the fridge... Things containing liquids and cool things went in the fridge, plant and animal material in the lower drawers... Dry material went in the cupboards, separated into cans and boxes... Done. "Six minutes, 37 seconds..." Sheik mused softly.
The apartment was already fairly clean, he had received no further instruction; there didn't seem to be anything for Sheik to do. Usually, 'bots like to stand in one place and stare at the walls or go into standby in their free time; Sheik flopped down on the sofa and turned on the television.
North of Kakariko City, 39ft. underground, 3:00 P.M...
The ruins of the Shadow Temple lie in absolute darkness, the dripping of water the only sound or movement discernable. An entity has ensconced itself deep within the moldering stone and rot, peacefully slumbering...
The Hailey Building, 68th floor, 4:45 P.M...
Sakon and Bob were shown into a large office. Instead of sitting behind the expansive desk, their employer was standing at the floor-to-ceiling windows, studying the New Castletown skyline and sipping a glass of brandy. He didn't turn around as he addressed his unfortunate odd-job men.
"If your assigned task was too complicated for your limited minds, you should have said something. Arrangements could have been made." There was no anger in Mr. Callaghan's voice. This was normal, and yet it felt very foreboding today. Sakon shifted his weight uncomfortably. "You DID secure the android?"
Bob was on the verge of an indignant reply when he was reminded that silence was a virtue by a rough jab in the ribs. "Yes, sir," Sakon stammered, "Found him and took him to Rowanoake Apt. 99 on Keaton Street, just like he said, but the bastard wasn't there." Bob nodded judiciously at Sakon's addition.
Mr. Callaghan heaved a sigh of one who carries the weight of a very heavy world on his shoulders. He closed his eyes and hooked back half his brandy. "Apartment 99?"
"Yeah," Sakon said, producing the little scrap of paper. "Wrote it down, so's we wouldn't forget. You always say we got minds like unto sieves..." He smiled hopefully.
Callaghan rubbed his temples with his free hand. "Try turning the paper upside down."
Sakon did this, and marveled at the results. "...............Bloody hell!"
Bob peered at the paper. "See? I told you it wasn't 99..."
Sakon alone perceived the danger they were in. He jumped to reconcile himself. "Oh, but, we can get it back, sir; it's nothing, right?" he laughed nervously, "A few well-placed shocks and baddabing, everything's bitchin', eh?"
The young man shook his head. "I think it's time I took a different approach, don't you? I have been very lenient thus far." The hearts of his employees fell to their feet.
"You son of a bitch; you can't do that to us!" Bob roared, Sakon unable to quiet him. The big man quivered with rage; he leapt forward and was immediately tackled and tranquilized by two security guards. Sakon whimpered pitifully.
"Take Mr. Stitch and Mr. Riley to Basement Five and make them comfortable," Mr. Callaghan said blandly, "I'll attend to them myself shortly."
The unhappy Bob was dragged away while Sakon was led out, trembling, by another guard. The blonde man finished his drink, taking a deep, calming breath. Obviously, he needed more competent help in getting what he was after. "Sylvia!"
A mousy little secretary poked her head in the door. "Yes, sir?"
"Forward any urgent calls to me, I'm flying to Kakariko City." Mr. Callaghan pulled a small phone from his pocket and alerted his pilot to his pending departure.
The secretary nodded. "Yes, sir."
Keaton St. Pub, 10:00 P.M...
"So tell me," Kaylee said, over a can of beer, "if you're so flippin' poor, how'd you wind up with a 'bot that's nicer than the damn P.M.'s? You got something goin' on the side that we don't want to know about?"
Link winked at the slightly tanked female zora. "Of course. I'm a Spyra dealer, didn't you know that?"
Reggie hooked back her third shot of vodka for the night. "How'd you really get him? ...Doru, why don't you call it quits? You look like you're going to pass out," she commented in a hoarse, suspiciously masculine voice.
The goron swayed gently and hooked back the third shot of vodka. He was bound and determined to beat Reggie at shots once if it killed him. "I'd tell you to go bonk yourself, Reggie, but it calls too many unpleasant images to mind."
Link set two more shot glasses down on the counter. "Reggie, you're an alcoholic."
"I know." The brunette grinned and hooked back number four. The goron followed suit, made a worrying face, and toppled onto the floor with a mighty thud that shook the building. Reggie shook her head and sighed. "What a featherweight. Now," she said, "you were telling us about your 'bot?" She raised one eyebrow and rested her face in her hands. "How'd you get it?"
Link cleared his throat and busied himself mixing drinks for other patrons. "He was an inheritance. There really wasn't a lot of information with him; no return address, nothing." Sheik rested an empty tray on the counter, letting Link set a few mugs and glasses on it before picking it up and disappearing into the mess of tables again. "I guess he's one of those new ones, or something. Aren't they supposed to be pretty realistic?"
Reggie shook her head. "I've looked over some of Logi-vo's stuff, their new models just have more detailed personality programming, and a few more joints." She pointed to the form of Sheik, who was squeezing between two tables, holding the full tray above his head with one hand as he tried not to bump anyone. "That thing acts like it's thinking, Link. And look at that; any other 'bot I've seen would have tipped over by now."
Link shrugged. "So he has better gyroscopes than most; maybe he was privately built, or something. He had a serial number and a model."
"What model was it?" Apparently, Reggie was the only one of the group who was lucid enough to follow the conversation.
'Goddesses, I knew she'd want details...' Link thought for a moment. "When he was booting up, he said he was an S.H.C.A., I think."
Reggie closed her eyes for a moment. "Hmm...I can't remember the model name of the new 'bots...wait... Oh, yeah. It was Kestrel." She stacked her shot glasses. "Well, maybe he is a private 'bot."
North of Kakariko City, 1:30 A.M...
Mr. Callaghan had left his entourage in town with the assurance that he would be back sometime tomorrow. He climbed into the hills behind the city until he found what he was looking for: a small twinge in the back of his mind that told him his old 'associate' was near. Making sure he couldn't be seen, Mr. Callaghan sighed in exasperation and melted into a puddle of black, seeping into the ground.
Link's Quasar, Rowanoake Parking Garage level two, 2:15 A.M...
"Master?"
"Yeah?" Link turned off the ignition, the car's hover generators cut out instantly and the car dropped to the ground with a resounding clang. "...You know, it'd be nice to be able to park this thing without sustaining some kind of head injury..." He rubbed his head where it had collided with the ceiling in their sudden descent. "Now, what?" It wasn't often that a 'bot initiated a conversation.
Sheik looked at his hands intently for a minute, as though trying to work out what to say. "Master, what is a brass nail? I know the literal definition, but it seems to have further meaning."
Link stared at the 'bot for a long moment. How to explain... "Brass nail...Well..." he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "Do you know what a prostitute is?"
"Yes." Sheik frowned. "Oh..." Link went to open his door, when an even more awkward question was voiced. "And what is an ion, besides an electrically charged atom?"
Link sighed again and leaned back. 'How do I explain this stuff to someone who doesn't even...?' "Well...um...Okay, uh...Okay, there's covalent, and there's ionic, right?" Sheik raised an eyebrow. "And...covalent is sort of slang for...someone who's straight, and ionic means someone who's bent."
Sheik looked utterly lost. "But all people bend to some degree."
Link rolled his eyes and covered his face with his hands. "That was my fault; start over. Do you know what heterosexual means?" Sheik nodded. "That's what covalent means. So...you can probably work out ionic, right?" Link said, with a small note of pleading.
Sheik glared down at the floor. "And are these terms derogatory?"
Link nodded hesitantly, and was struck by a small bolt of insight. "They weren't calling you those things, were they?"
Sheik glanced sidelong, voice lowered. "Many of them. ...They are derogatory?"
"Yes."
Sheik nodded again, then smiled softly, opening his door and climbing out. "Good. I was worried that I was malfunctioning."
Link climbed out and locked the doors. "Why?"
Sheik's grin became a bit mischievous. "I experienced a very strong urge to cause them physical damage. I did not show this sentiment outwardly, however." He continued walking, having no more to say.
Link was thunderstruck. 'He took offence at that? 'Bots don't even have sexualities...' "Um...That's...good, then. Don't worry about it too much, Sheik. Most of the people there are moronic drunks. You know you're not a prostibot." Sheik nodded silently.
All in all, it had been an extremely educational first day.
North of Kakariko City, 39ft. underground, 3:30 A.M...
In the ruins of the Shadow Temple, the figure of Mr. Callaghan coalesced, though there was no light by which to see it. With his obviously not-ordinary eyes, he peered around in the gloom, sighed, and started walking through the rubble.
Apt. 99, 4:07 A.M...
Inhaling a lock of hair in his sleep, Link started awake, coughing a spluttering. As he was dozing off again, he noticed an unusual weight on his waist, and heard the soft purr of a small generator. He also found the source of the menacing hair. Sheik was snuggled against the hylian's chest, deep in...standby. 'For the love of Farore...' Carefully, Link lifted Sheik's arm from his waist and set it down at the 'bot's side. 'How heavy can he be?' Bracing his hands against the 'bot's chest and legs, Link shoved...
And found himself on the floor. "Ow. Damnit..."
"Master?" A worried face appeared over the edge of the bed, the weak light from the windows reflecting off red irises. "Are you undamaged?" Extending a hand, Sheik helped Link up and back into bed. The hylian sat with a severe expression on his face. The 'bot fidgeted. "Is something wrong, Master?"
"Well, yeah," Link said, not at his most patient and understanding at four o'clock. "You seem to be on my side." This earned him a confused, vacant look. He sighed. "You're too close to me."
Sheik sounded puzzled, if not a tad embarrassed. "I thought physical closeness was a comforting gesture..." He sighed softly. "Am I mistaken?"
'Remain calm; mustn't strangle the android...' "Well, it's not that... Look, just because some drunks think you're ionic doesn't mean you have to act the part," he snapped. The 'bot looked hurt. Link sighed. 'Goddesses, listen to me. He doesn't know any better...' "Just...move back to your own side, all right?"
The 'bot complied, tangling his extension cord around his legs in the process. "I apologize, Master. Thank you for correcting my behavior." That said, he curled up on 'his side' and went back into standby.
Reminding himself that 'bots didn't genuinely have feelings to hurt, Link vainly tried to make himself comfortable again.
"-losing to the Clocktown Wolfos 98 to 42. Forecast for the New Castletown area for today: partly cloudy, 30 percent chance of showers, and a high of 78. Top headlines: Seems a prototype android was stolen from one of Hyrtech's restricted laboratories sometime last night. Police are conducting an investigation into the robbery; nothing else was taken. Sounds like someone couldn't wait for the next model of prostibot. Hahaha... In other news, ambassador to the Republic of Gerudia Sasha Erstwhiles signed the first-"
Link's hand flopped down on the snooze button almost of its own volition. Staring out the window, he waited for a few more synapses to fire before venturing out of bed. 'Goddesses, that was a seriously screwed up dream. I gotta' start getting more sleep, or something...'
Clambering out of bed, Link straightened the covers, then stumbled off to the bathroom to shower. Ten minutes later, he could be seen walking down the hallway more or less blindfolded, as he was pulling a clean shirt on at the time. The garment in its proper place, the first thing Link's eyes beheld was the red-eyed blonde 'bot sprawled out on the sofa watching television.
Sheik glanced up and grinned. "Good morning, Master!" he chirped, "Did you get adequate sleep?"
'Correction: this is a seriously screwed up dream...' Link blinked. "Uh...yeah. Good morning." There was an awkward silence. "So..." Link said, "How...When did you get up?"
"Oh," Sheik said, "Since my battery cells are still fully charged, I decided to come out of standby after approximately four hours and seventeen minutes. If you're hungry, I have made an omelet. It's on the kitchen table." Standing, he walked over to the kitchen (not exactly a long hike) with relative grace, looking over his shoulder expectantly to see if Link was following.
Sitting across from him, Sheik beamed proudly. Link looked down at his plate. The 'omelet,' as it was termed, was a yellowish, jiggly lump flecked here and there with other green and pink...things. Link felt a little bit queasy. Seeing as he was being watched, however, Link bravely scooped up a bit of the...food with his fork, popped it into his mouth, and choked it down. He disguised a gag as a cough.
"It's...it's different," Link said, his eyes watering. 'Nayru! What is this, poison?'
The 'bot looked pleased. "Yes, considering the lack of standard ingredients I was forced to make a few substitutions. Is it still palatable?" He looked hopeful.
Link scooted some of the eggs around on the plate, trying to delay the second bite as long as possible. "It's...yeah, it's all right. ...What, exactly, did you use in it?" He knew he probably wouldn't like the answer, but morbid curiosity compelled him to ask.
"Well," Sheik started, chipper as ever, "as a substitute for cheese, I used pickle relish, and since it was the only meat product I could find, I put some olive loaf in it as well." He leaned his head to one side quizzically; Link was staring very intently at him. "What?"
Link's stare wavered. He glanced down at the omelet, then back to Sheik. "I've never bought olive loaf."
Sheik's smile wilted. "Oh. Oh dear. Then...what were the little green spots on-"
Apt. 99, 9:53 A.M...
Link emerged from the bathroom, pale and trembling. Sheik was introducing the remains of the omelet to the garbage disposal. He sighed mournfully.
"I'm sorry, Master."
Link opened the fridge and threw away the rest of the bologna. "No, it's not your fault. I was going to clean the fridge last weekend." The 'bot still looked rather glum. "You did okay, I mean, for a first attempt..." He looked at his servant 'bot for a minute. "You know what? Screw breakfast." He disappeared into the bedroom and came back with a pair of worn sneakers. "Here," he said, handing them to Sheik, "put these on." Sheik sat down on the sofa to unravel the mysteries of Shoes, while Link pulled a phone book out of one of the kitchen drawers and flipped through it. 'Aha, there we go...'
"How's it coming?" Link asked, walking into the living room to find two untied shoes with a 'bot glowering down at them. "...Don't know how to tie shoes, either, huh?"
Sheik nodded. "There is no data for this task."
"Well, that's okay. Here, I'll show you." Link knelt down and tied one of the sneakers, slowly, so Sheik could see how it was done. "There. Get it?"
"Yes." With the look of intense concentration that would be expected on the face of a neurosurgeon, Sheik eventually tied the other shoe.
"Okay, good. That took me five years to learn and you've got it down in, what, thirty seconds." Link stood up. He took in the full effect of Sheik's outfit, which, on average, was three sizes too large for him. "You look...like a hobo. But that's okay! We'll fix that. Ready to go?" He moved toward the door, Sheik following automatically.
"Where?"
"Mall. I need groceries, and you need clothes of your own."
"I am fully clothed." Sheik wore a puzzled expression.
Link sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, but...Look, see how far you have to roll up the sleeves to see your hands? That's no good; they don't fit. Besides, the plaid, and the paint stains just...no. You need clothes." Sheik nodded assent and let Link lead him out into the hallway.
Eastpark Mall, 11:45 A.M...
"Okay, groceries are done, bank's done, I've eaten, you don't eat, so all that's left is to find something for you to wear...it should be somewhere on this floor..." Link paused to look around to see if he'd already passed the store he wanted.
Sheik was overwhelmed. He'd gone from an apartment-sized world occupied by two people to a sea of faces in a building that seemed to go on forever. It was terrifying, and yet strangely exciting at the same time. Most of the people were hylians like Link, but now and then other races could be seen: a group of zoras, a goron, a peppering of gerudo here and there. And they all looked entirely different. Even the androids, with alternately deadpan and artificially cheery expressions, had variation.
"Oh, it's down there." Link plunged into the crowd again, Sheik staying close.
The Circuit, 12:03 A.M...
The saleswoman eyed Sheik appraisingly. "Hmm...Yeah, okay. This way, please." With a caffeine-induced smile, she led the way through a maze of clothing racks. Stopping at one, she fished through it. "I think a six or an eight should be about right." Finding what she wanted, she pulled a garment off the rack. "What do you think?"
Link turned white as a sheet; Sheik glared and stroked his chin in confusion, wondering which side was up. "That looks complicated..."
Link repressed the urge to strangle the saleswoman. "When I said 'something to wear,' I meant something he could wear outside without getting arrested!"
The saleswoman grinned nervously and stuffed the...article back onto the rack. "Oh! Of course, how stupid of me! That's Cremia's department; this way, please. Cremia!" She bustled off into another section of the store, hylian and 'bot in tow. A redhead seemed to materialize from the depths of the fabric jungle. The two women exchanged a few quiet words.
"All right, then," Cremia said brightly, after the other had left, "let's see now; this is the 'bot, right? Of course it is." She looked Sheik up and down and sighed. "You poor thing; you look like you've been hit by a Goodwill truck." Link rolled his eyes and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. Cremia ignored it. "Well...yes. I can work with this; I love a challenge."
Some time later, the bewildered android found his arms full of clothing and Cremia ushered him into a small room to change. Link leaned against the wall, staring up at the fluorescent lights.
"That's an awesome 'bot; where'd you get him?"
Link's heart skipped. 'What can I tell her? That he was just THERE when I came home?' Deciding that innocent lies were by far preferable to suspicious truths, Link grinned feebly. "Inheritance. Some aunt I've never met."
Cremia smiled. "Wow, that's lucky!" Link shrugged. "Is he one of those new ones? He's really well-programmed."
'Why is she asking so many damn questions?!' "I don't know. He had a really low serial number."
"Ooh! I'll bet he is! And the first shipment of those were all reserved way in advance; there's, like, a seven-month waiting list."
"Huh..."
"Do you like him?"
Link ran a hand through his hair. "Sure, he's okay. He's only been on for about a day."
Cremia sighed wistfully. "I wish I had one. They're way too expensive right now, though. I don't have fifty k. to spare."
Link's eyes would have bugged out of his head if that hadn't been physically impossible. 'Okay, time to change the subject.' He knocked softly on the door. "Sheik, you okay?"
"I am nearly finished. Don't come in," came the muffled reply. Cremia giggled at the realism. A few seconds later, the 'bot emerged.
"Oh, good, it fits." Cremia tugged a bit at the fabric to see that it hung correctly. Sheik was complacently still, letting the woman check seams and fastenings. The outfit was several pieces that sealed together cleverly to look like one garment, and was a dark bluish-purple color with patches of lighter purple and white lines that drew the eye upward.
Link couldn't quite decide whether he liked it or not. It was nice-looking and all, but... "Isn't it a little...form-fitting?"
Cremia didn't bother to look up. No doubt she'd heard that very question several dozen times already. "Android clothing generally is. They have standardized body sizes, and it saves money on fabric. Since this one fits, he won't have to try on any others if you don't want to." Link conceded the point that 'bots probably weren't really self-conscious about their appearance.
As it turned out, android clothing was generally pretty inexpensive as well, so Link coughed up the money for five sets of clothes in standard-small-frame size 6.
Link's slightly-used 4673 Transcom Quasar, 1:15 P.M...
"Well, gee, isn't this delightful. Goddesses, we'll be here for a bloody hour..." Link grumbled to no one in particular. Lunch hour traffic was always ridiculous in this part of town. Sheik stared out the window, unfazed. What was there for him to be impatient about? They both jumped when a hoverbike thundered over the roof of the car, nearly slamming down onto the hood. Sheik uttered a cry of alarm and Link swore loudly. "Goddessesdamn it! Where's a cop when you need one? Did you see that; he could have killed someone! Aagh..." The cars inched forward a few yards. The traffic came to a rolling halt again; Link's car idling quietly.
Overhead, a few copters thrummed past, creating little eddies of breeze on the ground below. Sheik glanced up at them. Link followed his gaze.
"Lucky bastards. Too bad hovers can't go that high... Hey, look, it looks like it's letting up a little bit up here." The Quasar lurched forward, as though shocked by having to move suddenly.
Civcopter ID#34-09-37, 1:18 P.M...
A blonde young man in a suit was looking thoughtful. Then, with a small smile, he flicked on the copter's phone and dialed. After one and a half rings, a man's tired, cranky visage graced the phone screen.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Wilkins. Any progress?" the blonde queried pleasantly.
The addressee snorted in a manner that suggested an answer in the negative. "I hope you're shittin' me, Callaghan. Your guys never showed up! I stayed up all night waiting."
The blonde's face fell into a frown. "Oh? I wasn't informed of that. I'll see to it. Good day." He reached forward and hung up, then leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to calm his nerves. He never liked to appear flustered. Making a mental note to make an appointment with 'his guys,' he turned to watch the crawling traffic below.
Apt. 99, 2:30 P.M...
"Okay; you got all that?"
Sheik nodded. "Perishables in the refrigerator, nonperishables in the cupboards."
"Good." Link gave Sheik a tentative brotherly-clap-on-the-shoulder. "Thanks, Sheik."
The android smiled. "You're welcome, Master; that is my function."
Link left to take a bit of a nap before going to work, leaving Sheik alone with the groceries. He took everything out of the bags, setting them on the counter and sorting through them. Hard, cold things belonged in the freezer; that was that little door above the big one on the fridge... Things containing liquids and cool things went in the fridge, plant and animal material in the lower drawers... Dry material went in the cupboards, separated into cans and boxes... Done. "Six minutes, 37 seconds..." Sheik mused softly.
The apartment was already fairly clean, he had received no further instruction; there didn't seem to be anything for Sheik to do. Usually, 'bots like to stand in one place and stare at the walls or go into standby in their free time; Sheik flopped down on the sofa and turned on the television.
North of Kakariko City, 39ft. underground, 3:00 P.M...
The ruins of the Shadow Temple lie in absolute darkness, the dripping of water the only sound or movement discernable. An entity has ensconced itself deep within the moldering stone and rot, peacefully slumbering...
The Hailey Building, 68th floor, 4:45 P.M...
Sakon and Bob were shown into a large office. Instead of sitting behind the expansive desk, their employer was standing at the floor-to-ceiling windows, studying the New Castletown skyline and sipping a glass of brandy. He didn't turn around as he addressed his unfortunate odd-job men.
"If your assigned task was too complicated for your limited minds, you should have said something. Arrangements could have been made." There was no anger in Mr. Callaghan's voice. This was normal, and yet it felt very foreboding today. Sakon shifted his weight uncomfortably. "You DID secure the android?"
Bob was on the verge of an indignant reply when he was reminded that silence was a virtue by a rough jab in the ribs. "Yes, sir," Sakon stammered, "Found him and took him to Rowanoake Apt. 99 on Keaton Street, just like he said, but the bastard wasn't there." Bob nodded judiciously at Sakon's addition.
Mr. Callaghan heaved a sigh of one who carries the weight of a very heavy world on his shoulders. He closed his eyes and hooked back half his brandy. "Apartment 99?"
"Yeah," Sakon said, producing the little scrap of paper. "Wrote it down, so's we wouldn't forget. You always say we got minds like unto sieves..." He smiled hopefully.
Callaghan rubbed his temples with his free hand. "Try turning the paper upside down."
Sakon did this, and marveled at the results. "...............Bloody hell!"
Bob peered at the paper. "See? I told you it wasn't 99..."
Sakon alone perceived the danger they were in. He jumped to reconcile himself. "Oh, but, we can get it back, sir; it's nothing, right?" he laughed nervously, "A few well-placed shocks and baddabing, everything's bitchin', eh?"
The young man shook his head. "I think it's time I took a different approach, don't you? I have been very lenient thus far." The hearts of his employees fell to their feet.
"You son of a bitch; you can't do that to us!" Bob roared, Sakon unable to quiet him. The big man quivered with rage; he leapt forward and was immediately tackled and tranquilized by two security guards. Sakon whimpered pitifully.
"Take Mr. Stitch and Mr. Riley to Basement Five and make them comfortable," Mr. Callaghan said blandly, "I'll attend to them myself shortly."
The unhappy Bob was dragged away while Sakon was led out, trembling, by another guard. The blonde man finished his drink, taking a deep, calming breath. Obviously, he needed more competent help in getting what he was after. "Sylvia!"
A mousy little secretary poked her head in the door. "Yes, sir?"
"Forward any urgent calls to me, I'm flying to Kakariko City." Mr. Callaghan pulled a small phone from his pocket and alerted his pilot to his pending departure.
The secretary nodded. "Yes, sir."
Keaton St. Pub, 10:00 P.M...
"So tell me," Kaylee said, over a can of beer, "if you're so flippin' poor, how'd you wind up with a 'bot that's nicer than the damn P.M.'s? You got something goin' on the side that we don't want to know about?"
Link winked at the slightly tanked female zora. "Of course. I'm a Spyra dealer, didn't you know that?"
Reggie hooked back her third shot of vodka for the night. "How'd you really get him? ...Doru, why don't you call it quits? You look like you're going to pass out," she commented in a hoarse, suspiciously masculine voice.
The goron swayed gently and hooked back the third shot of vodka. He was bound and determined to beat Reggie at shots once if it killed him. "I'd tell you to go bonk yourself, Reggie, but it calls too many unpleasant images to mind."
Link set two more shot glasses down on the counter. "Reggie, you're an alcoholic."
"I know." The brunette grinned and hooked back number four. The goron followed suit, made a worrying face, and toppled onto the floor with a mighty thud that shook the building. Reggie shook her head and sighed. "What a featherweight. Now," she said, "you were telling us about your 'bot?" She raised one eyebrow and rested her face in her hands. "How'd you get it?"
Link cleared his throat and busied himself mixing drinks for other patrons. "He was an inheritance. There really wasn't a lot of information with him; no return address, nothing." Sheik rested an empty tray on the counter, letting Link set a few mugs and glasses on it before picking it up and disappearing into the mess of tables again. "I guess he's one of those new ones, or something. Aren't they supposed to be pretty realistic?"
Reggie shook her head. "I've looked over some of Logi-vo's stuff, their new models just have more detailed personality programming, and a few more joints." She pointed to the form of Sheik, who was squeezing between two tables, holding the full tray above his head with one hand as he tried not to bump anyone. "That thing acts like it's thinking, Link. And look at that; any other 'bot I've seen would have tipped over by now."
Link shrugged. "So he has better gyroscopes than most; maybe he was privately built, or something. He had a serial number and a model."
"What model was it?" Apparently, Reggie was the only one of the group who was lucid enough to follow the conversation.
'Goddesses, I knew she'd want details...' Link thought for a moment. "When he was booting up, he said he was an S.H.C.A., I think."
Reggie closed her eyes for a moment. "Hmm...I can't remember the model name of the new 'bots...wait... Oh, yeah. It was Kestrel." She stacked her shot glasses. "Well, maybe he is a private 'bot."
North of Kakariko City, 1:30 A.M...
Mr. Callaghan had left his entourage in town with the assurance that he would be back sometime tomorrow. He climbed into the hills behind the city until he found what he was looking for: a small twinge in the back of his mind that told him his old 'associate' was near. Making sure he couldn't be seen, Mr. Callaghan sighed in exasperation and melted into a puddle of black, seeping into the ground.
Link's Quasar, Rowanoake Parking Garage level two, 2:15 A.M...
"Master?"
"Yeah?" Link turned off the ignition, the car's hover generators cut out instantly and the car dropped to the ground with a resounding clang. "...You know, it'd be nice to be able to park this thing without sustaining some kind of head injury..." He rubbed his head where it had collided with the ceiling in their sudden descent. "Now, what?" It wasn't often that a 'bot initiated a conversation.
Sheik looked at his hands intently for a minute, as though trying to work out what to say. "Master, what is a brass nail? I know the literal definition, but it seems to have further meaning."
Link stared at the 'bot for a long moment. How to explain... "Brass nail...Well..." he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "Do you know what a prostitute is?"
"Yes." Sheik frowned. "Oh..." Link went to open his door, when an even more awkward question was voiced. "And what is an ion, besides an electrically charged atom?"
Link sighed again and leaned back. 'How do I explain this stuff to someone who doesn't even...?' "Well...um...Okay, uh...Okay, there's covalent, and there's ionic, right?" Sheik raised an eyebrow. "And...covalent is sort of slang for...someone who's straight, and ionic means someone who's bent."
Sheik looked utterly lost. "But all people bend to some degree."
Link rolled his eyes and covered his face with his hands. "That was my fault; start over. Do you know what heterosexual means?" Sheik nodded. "That's what covalent means. So...you can probably work out ionic, right?" Link said, with a small note of pleading.
Sheik glared down at the floor. "And are these terms derogatory?"
Link nodded hesitantly, and was struck by a small bolt of insight. "They weren't calling you those things, were they?"
Sheik glanced sidelong, voice lowered. "Many of them. ...They are derogatory?"
"Yes."
Sheik nodded again, then smiled softly, opening his door and climbing out. "Good. I was worried that I was malfunctioning."
Link climbed out and locked the doors. "Why?"
Sheik's grin became a bit mischievous. "I experienced a very strong urge to cause them physical damage. I did not show this sentiment outwardly, however." He continued walking, having no more to say.
Link was thunderstruck. 'He took offence at that? 'Bots don't even have sexualities...' "Um...That's...good, then. Don't worry about it too much, Sheik. Most of the people there are moronic drunks. You know you're not a prostibot." Sheik nodded silently.
All in all, it had been an extremely educational first day.
North of Kakariko City, 39ft. underground, 3:30 A.M...
In the ruins of the Shadow Temple, the figure of Mr. Callaghan coalesced, though there was no light by which to see it. With his obviously not-ordinary eyes, he peered around in the gloom, sighed, and started walking through the rubble.
Apt. 99, 4:07 A.M...
Inhaling a lock of hair in his sleep, Link started awake, coughing a spluttering. As he was dozing off again, he noticed an unusual weight on his waist, and heard the soft purr of a small generator. He also found the source of the menacing hair. Sheik was snuggled against the hylian's chest, deep in...standby. 'For the love of Farore...' Carefully, Link lifted Sheik's arm from his waist and set it down at the 'bot's side. 'How heavy can he be?' Bracing his hands against the 'bot's chest and legs, Link shoved...
And found himself on the floor. "Ow. Damnit..."
"Master?" A worried face appeared over the edge of the bed, the weak light from the windows reflecting off red irises. "Are you undamaged?" Extending a hand, Sheik helped Link up and back into bed. The hylian sat with a severe expression on his face. The 'bot fidgeted. "Is something wrong, Master?"
"Well, yeah," Link said, not at his most patient and understanding at four o'clock. "You seem to be on my side." This earned him a confused, vacant look. He sighed. "You're too close to me."
Sheik sounded puzzled, if not a tad embarrassed. "I thought physical closeness was a comforting gesture..." He sighed softly. "Am I mistaken?"
'Remain calm; mustn't strangle the android...' "Well, it's not that... Look, just because some drunks think you're ionic doesn't mean you have to act the part," he snapped. The 'bot looked hurt. Link sighed. 'Goddesses, listen to me. He doesn't know any better...' "Just...move back to your own side, all right?"
The 'bot complied, tangling his extension cord around his legs in the process. "I apologize, Master. Thank you for correcting my behavior." That said, he curled up on 'his side' and went back into standby.
Reminding himself that 'bots didn't genuinely have feelings to hurt, Link vainly tried to make himself comfortable again.