A/N – "Thoughts"

Chapter 3 - Opening Old Wounds

It was Saturday afternoon and Gordo was slowly walking back towards the Lodge. After getting their room assignments and unpacking, the class had broken up into small groups. Some went skiing, some went skating, and others went into town.

Gordo had gone off by himself to explore the area. He wasn't really interested in what was there but did it so he could be alone with his thoughts.

Stopping at the outdoor ice rink, Gordo leaned against the wood fence that outlined the rink. Watching the skaters go by, he started questioning why he even agreed to go on this trip.

Aside from the fact he had already paid for it, he really didn't want to go and just wanted to be alone. But Larry and Ethan had convinced him that he couldn't miss one of the highlights of senior year. So he reluctantly agreed to come along.

So far it hadn't been too bad. Dana and him had kept their distance from each other, and Ethan and Larry had stopped bugging him about the breakup. He was sure that Miranda knew about it but she hadn't said anything. He was also pretty sure that if Miranda knew, then Lizzie did too. That was what he was trying to avoid. She was really the last person he wanted to talk to right now.

Then almost as if on cue, he heard her voice. "Hi David."

Gordo closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "Hey Liz."

"What ya doing?"

"Just thinking."

"How come you didn't come skiing with us?" Lizzie asked as she leaned against the fence next to him.

Gordo glanced over at her, "Just wanted some time alone. Sort out some stuff."

"Oh." Lizzie looked out at the rink and watched a couple skate past.

Gordo watched her bite her lip, "She's thinking about something, hard." He watched Lizzie look back at him and even before she opened her mouth he knew what was coming. "Damn it."

"I'm sorry about Dana."

Gordo just nodded in response, "If I keep my mouth shut, the lesser the chance I put my foot in it."

"You could do so much better than her."

Gordo just grunted, trying his best to not say something.

Lizzie studied him, "What happened?"

"Nothing happened. We grew apart and decided it would be better if we broke up."

"I'm sorry David."

"Yea right," he mumbled under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said standing up and started to walk away.

Lizzie followed him. "No. What did you say?"

Gordo spun around fast and faced her. Lizzie stepped back in surprise. "I said you don't care."

"But I do."

"Bullshit!" he snapped at her. "The only person you care about is you! You didn't give a damn that you ripped my heart out of my chest. No! You had your fun, got tired, and just threw me away."

"Why are you doing this?" Lizzie asked slightly scared and upset that he was yelling at her. She could see the fury in his eyes. Lizzie had no idea he was holding this in or that she was the cause of it.

"Because I'm sick of always being an after-thought. That's all I am to everyone."

"David," Lizzie started but Gordo cut her off.

"Save it McGuire. The only time you ever notice me is when someone gets in between us."

"That's not true!" Lizzie said her voice rising and cracking.

"Oh yea. Then explain why you crashed my date with Brooke, why you left me in Rome for that jackass Paolo, or why you were always so rude to Dana? If you supposedly noticed me, then how come you never saw the depression I was in when you broke up with me? I loved you! But that didn't mean shit to you!"

Lizzie and Gordo had fought before but never this vicious, Lizzie couldn't even respond to his attacks.

"Just leave me alone."

"David, please," she pleaded with him.

Gordo glared at her one last time, "Just stay out of my life, you've done enough damage." Turning around, he stormed away.

Lizzie watched him walk away, too stunned to move. Her heart felt like it had stopped. She had no idea she had caused him this much pain. "Gordo?"

After just standing there completely stunned for a few minutes, Lizzie quickly made her way back to her room. Walking inside, she thanked god Miranda wasn't there.

Lizzie collapsed on her bed and started balling. Everything Gordo had said to her was like a knife through her heart.

After a few minutes, Lizzie slowly sat up on her bed and wiped at her eyes. "I'm a horrible friend. David deserves so much better."

Taking a shaky, steadying breath, Lizzie started to plan how she could possibly make this right. "I want, no, I need Gordo in my life. Even if it is just as my best friend."