AN: This is Inuyasha's drug induced dream. Italics mean dreams/flashbacks and regular equals when he is awake, because certain parts of it are done as though patterns. Anyway, a little look into Inuyasha's past. Unfortunately, most of the loose ends that this chapter provides aren't tied up till about chapter ten. Of course, maybe they're only loose to me. Hummm.

AN2: Upon re-reading this chapter, I feel I must make a notice. Suicide is not, never was, and never will be, the answer. If you are thinking about the taking of your own life, please tell someone. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Trust me.

Chapter 4: Guilt

"Inuyasha."

"Yes, Sesshomaru?" I asked, turning around to look at my brother. He was standing in the doorway to my room, his face pale and impassive as ever.

"Your mother and our father are leaving now. We must see them off."

"But, Sesshomaru." I complained. "I'm fifteen! That's practically an adult! I don't need to see my parents off."

"You will see them. As an incentive, remember that I will be responsible for you until your parents return. And if I say that it is fitting for your adult ass to sleep outside and hunt for your own food, there will be no parents to protect you!" Sesshomaru snarled, and I paled.

"Okay." I nodded hastily. I knew Sesshomaru was not bluffing, and I would not want to fight with him, even though I knew he would take it easy on me. I'm not sure why, but whether it was because I was younger, his half brother or only a hanyou, Sesshomaru never used his full demon strength. Hurrying out of my room and slipping on a concealing spell, I walked through the house, until I entered the garage, Sesshomaru entering after me. Our next-door neighbors were helping my father load up the car while telling jokes. The women were speaking with my mother and even a few of the neighborhood kids were hanging around. It was like a damn party.

"Ah, Inuyasha." My human mother smiled. "I was beginning to think you had forgotten about us."

"How could I forget?" I mumbled, as I let my mother kiss me goodbye.

"You boys be good," Our father smiled as he closed the trunk. "We'll be back in three weeks."

"Let me see." My mother frowned. "The fridge is full. I left you the credit card and some cash in the safe. The emergency information is on the fridge. I taught Sesshomaru how to run the washing machine and the dryer. The keys to the other car are in our room."

"Dear, you've been over this a hundred times." My father laughed. "Now, you two! When we come back, this house had better be in pristine condition. I want no complaints from the neighbors! There had better not be one single scratch on the car! I'll be checking in with your teachers, Inuyasha, so you'd better not slack off in school. Sesshomaru, you, sure as hell, better get a job while I'm gone. And if I come back to find that one of you has injured the other, I will be VERY angry."

"Yes, father." Sesshomaru and I nodded quickly. We knew that, while our old man was a geezer, it was better not to tangle with full demons, especially old ones.

"Well then. Have fun while we're gone." He smiled and got into the car. My mother gave me a quick kiss and hugged Sesshomaru before getting in as well. Waving to everyone, they pulled out of the garage and turned into the road and into the path of an oncoming car.

Rolling off my bed, I hit the floor with a grunt. I tried to sit up, but couldn't since my arms were confined to a straight jacket again. I rolled onto my back and looked up to stare at the ceiling. That dream again. Actually, it wasn't really a dream. Just a memory. I had lied to Kagome when I told her I didn't remember my parent's death. I actually did remember. Bits and pieces, at least. The thing was that my memory was only perfect as long as I was in my Hanyou frame of mind at the time. In fact, I doubt that I'll remember attacking Kagome in a couple days. The memories of Youkai always fade quickly. Of course, I'm mostly glad that I forget it all.

I can remember everything up until the crash perfectly. Everything in my mind is still in crystal clear details. Even silly things like the color of Sesshomaru's sneakers. They were black with black laces; his favorite pair, in fact. But all of the time from the collision to awakening in the middle of the road is lost to me. The shitty part of my life, is that every part I do remember is burned into my mind and heart. Even as I closed my eyes, I could see, in perfect detail, what I did remember of that day.

I opened my eyes, and tried to understand why I was so tired. I pushed myself into a sitting position and gasped when I looked down at myself. My shirt and pants were soaked in blood, which was already caking and stiffening my clothes. The blood coated my hands and was trapped under my nails as well. In fact, it was everywhere. The blood coated the grass and bushes and there were puddles of it in the road. It dripped from my white hair and pale face, and I had to spit out the blood that was in my mouth. The bodies of my neighbors lay scattered around me, along with various body parts. It was a blood bath and the stench of death, fear and blood permeated the air. One house was covered in blood and I saw the shredded remains of a child laying in on its lawn. I though I was going to be sick. Clutching my stomach, I tried not to look at the vivid burgundy and crimson color that seemed to be everywhere, but I could see it even when I closed my eyes! I stumbled to my feet, and tried to find a single person who was still alive. But there was nothing. Everyone was dead. Slaughtered.

Except for Sesshomaru. He was pressed up against a tree, trying to stop the bleeding in his arm. Actually, his arm was missing; it simply wasn't there. He was trying to stop the blood that poured from his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he rolled his head onto his shoulder so he could look at me.

"Who did this?" I asked as I ran over to help him. I pulled off my shirt and held it against his wound.

"Stupid." Sesshomaru smiled faintly, laughing at someone. I wondered what the joke was, but it was a good-humored laugh at all. Of course, It wasn't mirthless either. It was as if he found something sardonically or ironically amusing. Frowning, I took my shirt away from his wound; I knew that no matter how grievous the wound had appeared, it would be all right now. He would just have to rest for a while before he was back at full strength. "We were all so stupid. Maybe…...... I should have listened to father?"

"What?"

"He told me about this."

"About what?"

"He said you might lose your mind someday, hanyou. You didn't think someone else killed all these people…...... did you?" Sesshomaru asked, before he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

And that was how I learned that I had killed my entire neighborhood. Everyone had died by my hand. The man who had hit my parents, the children next-door, the elderly couple who had just moved in down the street. I had even killed a baby in his brother's arms. Apparently, I had been so upset that I had madly killed everyone in my path and even ripped off my brother's arm when he tried to restrain me. I used to wonder how Sesshomaru could have told me so calmly that I had killed everyone, but years of reflection lead me to believe that Sesshomaru never liked the weak humans in our neighborhood.

Anyway, I had been so upset by the whole event that, less than a day later, I had attempted suicide.

Tugging on the rope, I made sure it was strong enough to hold my weight. It was, so I dragged my chair over and stood on it, before pulling the rope over my head and around my neck. It turned out that the Boy Scouts were good for something after all. Taking a deep breath, I considered writing a note, but decided against it. Notes were like begging for pity. Besides, it was pretty obvious why I was doing this. I prepared to kick the chair away, when Sesshomaru came into my room.

'That asshole.' I thought as I pushed the chair back with my foot. 'He can't even knock.'

The rope jerked as I fell, but I was surprised to find that my neck hadn't broken. I looked down to see Sesshomaru holding my legs up so that I was almost sitting on his shoulder. Slowly bending his knees so that my neck would not snap, he let go of me; Sesshomaru left me hanging by my throat! It was impossible to breathe but I calmed myself. I did not deserve to live. Suddenly, the rope snapped and I fell on my back. I looked up to see Sesshomaru standing over me holding one of the ornamental swords our father had kept in his bedroom. It took my oxygen-deprived brain a few minutes to realize the bastard had cut me down. With a growl, I sat up and tried to take the knife from his hands. I had heard that cutting your throat was fairly quick. Reaching his hand back, Sesshomaru hit me in the face with the hilt of the sword and kicked my ankles out from under me so that I ended up fall to the ground; it was amazing what he could do with only one arm when he truly set his mind to it. Sesshomaru placed his foot on my chest while he reached from my phone. He dialed a number, and would apply pressure with his foot whenever I tried to move. I was fairly persistent however and once he was forced to jump on my chest, just to knock the wind out of me. This kept me down for the rest of his conversation. When he was finished, he hung up and knelt on my chest so that he could look me in the eye.

"I'm sorry, but it's for your own good." Sesshomaru told me and I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of regret in his eyes.

Must just be me. He hasn't seen me once since I got transferred to this place ten years ago. Hum, it's funny that I should remember all this from so long ago.