All right, everyone. I'm changing the rules of this service somewhat. Since it wouldn't be very nice to ask the others to write only specific fics or withholding their efforts until I reach the appropriate spot in the request list, I'm just going to post the chapters I receive from other authors as I get them. I'll write the remainder of the fics in the appropriate order, but for the most part, this is going to be a little helter-skelter.

This fic is by Yoshimi Takahashi, fulfilling the request of Kevin C for a humour fic about what Sheba finds in Garet's mind. This one turned out pretty strangely, even for him! But in a positive way, of course!

Anyway, Yoshimi's also written a very hilarious version of the story--a sort of "uncut" version--not posted here on ff.net. If you want to see it, e-mail him at yoshimitaaki@yahoo.co.uk and he'll send it along. Many of the jokes in this have been replaced by digs at two certain somebodies: one of them doesn't like Triad Orion and the other has a verrry limited vocabulary.

The reviewers...

Void: Of course I'd write this for you! You requested, didn't you? Thanks for the thanks and I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

Kevin C (x2): It is indeed Lighthouseshipping, and you're in luck. Myself and Empress Dotdotdot are both rabid Lighthouseshippers, and Yoshimi is also fond of it. You should get good results.

Jenna/Piers is actually a couple I'm becoming more and more fond of. It was quite enjoyable to write. The Ivan/Mia was a little more difficult to write, but I was fairly pleased with the results. It's neat how you're like Ivan, and it's fortunate that you're not as short as him. That can be unpleasant.

And the Proxians...I couldn't possibly write a fic where they're dead, so I had to include that part! ^_^ It was really hard trying to think of an original plot, since just about every circumstance with them has been written!

And, surprisingly, here's your second request!

Knightblazer 88 : Hey, you don't like Alex, either? *grins* Why don't you join the IHAC (I Hate Alex Club), founded by Super Sheba and ChibiSkunkSaria? I'm a card-carrying member! *shows membership card* And yes, friends are very good!

Jupiter Sprite: The endings to my fics were getting too similar, which is why I tagged on the picnic scene. And picnics are always fun. ^_^

Daito Dei Gratia:

Menardi: @_@ Whooo...

Vyctori: *worried* Poor Menardi. She hasn't really recovered from when you cut her in half yet. I really don't blame her. You seriously scared me when you did that. I would've been out one muse, and who knows who would have replaced her? Seriously, though, please don't kill my muse. I'm too fond of her.

Anyway, as you can see, I've accepted your help very gratefully. So I'll send any *coughs* ~unusual~ requests your way. Right. ^_~

Super Sheba (x2): Another author who volunteered to help! ^_^ Thank you very much! You're already experienced at writing one-shots, so you're a big help!

I've joined the IHAC and am requesting an Alex plushie with a head. If Menardi's still disoriented from Daito chopping her in two and then fixing her, I can even use Menardi's scythe to do the job...MWAHAHA!

Destinyofthepast: You may have been joking about the kiss thing, but you made a very valid point. Imilshipping is good only if Alex loses Mia at the end. *smirks*

Wild Fox of the Wasteland: I hadn't expected many supporters for the Ivan/Mia besides Daito. It's nice for Ivan to have someone to love...besides Sheba. *shudders* And I accidentally missed putting your request on the list I've got on the go. Sorry! But it's there now, so somebody will write it...someday...

MercuryAdept: I'm sure your writing's not so bad. And Super Sheba told me she'd start working on your request. She's kind of busy, so don't expect it for a bit, I guess.

Cherryblossom11: Well, I can tell you what I did, but next time, please e-mail me instead of leaving this as a review. What I did was have my party levelled up to around Level Forty or so, although I suggest maybe a tad higher to make things easier (train in Islet Cave). I started off with Felix's party, since at the time, his group was a little weaker than Isaac's. I recommend having beaten Dullahan first (ha! But there is an excellent strategy on www(dot)gamefaqs(dot)com which teaches you how to beat Dullahan in four turns) so that you can summon Iris. Get either Jenna or Garet to summon a whole bunch of Djinn, then switch for the other and repeat. Don't have both in your party at the same time, as the Fusion Dragon will just drain them (usually the turn you are about to summon Iris--this happens to me ALL THE TIME) and you'll be back to square one. Summon Coatlicue constantly so that you don't have to have one character wear out their Psynergy healing, except in emergencies. Coatlicue is almost better than Iris in this battle. Use your Djinn whenever possible--avoid Psynergy if you can, since you can't summon with Psynergy. ^_~ Piers' Djinni, Balm (I believe), is your best friend. If multiple characters are downed, try to switch at least two into your party and then use the Djinn to revive 'em. But summoning Iris is good, since she completely heals all characters that aren't downed.

Well, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure many would say I don't know what I'm doing, but good luck anyway!

OBsCuReDoblivion13: No, it didn't work, did it? *grins wickedly* Ah, Alex-baiting. So much fun. Thanks for the compliments!

Dragoon knight: Thanks! I've added your name to the waiting list--expect it...some time. Yeah. I have no idea anymore.

LadyTiger1: You're requesting an Alex/Piers fluff? Hmm. Interesting. As far as I know, only Dotdotdot and I are willing to cover yaoi, so it might be a while before you see the results, me being busy with Katsu's Valeshipping request, and Dotdotdot doing...something...

And I agree. There is a terrible lack of Felix/Sheba fics...though I'm currently writing one (shameless plug, I know). Your two requests have been duly noted. ^_^

******

Whew! What a lot of reviews! *beams* I may make Yoshimi answer the next few, since this is his chapter. Anyway, here's his fic!

Mindless Terror

For: Kevin C

A/N: MWAHAHAHA! You weren't specific enough, so I get to use my imagination! First off: No location! Since you're the first, I'll be kind. The location will be in Weyard, but first, Charlie, bring out the map!

Charlie: *brings out The Lost Age map*

Yoshimi: Okay, part one! I point to a spot on the map randomly! *points*

Charlie: Tolbi!

Yoshimi: Okay, now, for the final part of my screening, I shall use my Magic 8-Ball! Magic 8-Ball? Will this fanfiction take place in Tolbi?

Magic 8-Ball: *Cannot predict now*

Yoshimi: *shaking ball madly* STUPID THING! WILL THIS FANFICTION TAKE PLACE IN TOLBI?

Magic 8-Ball: *Don't count on it*

Yoshimi: *stomping on ball* GRAA! ANSWER ME! FANFICTION TOLBI?

Magic 8-Ball: *Outlook not so good*

Yoshimi: -_-o Never mind. Okay, next place. Izumo!

Magic 8-Ball: *Without a doubt*

Yoshimi: Okay, it's going to take place in Izumo! Let's roll it!

Charlie: *begins to roll Yoshimi around*

Yoshimi: Hey! Wait! I didn't mean thaaaaaaaat! *crash, bang, boom*

&&&

Sheba was bored. When Sheba is bored, she gets creative. In other words, Sheba bored equals bad, bad, bad. There was the time when Felix's ponytail got connected to Jenna's ponytail and then someone, who will remain nameless, imitated their mother calling for them to get up. And then came the time when she made Isaac think there was a ghost following them because someone, who will also remain nameless, made him hear spooky voices in his head. But enough about that.

Pier's ship, Tsunami, was just within sight of Izumo. The eight Adepts were headed there because that Felix's group...although, Sheba thought of it as "Sheba's group"...had promised to return to Izumo to visit, and Isaac's group thought it would be nice to see Izumo. Also, Isaac was hoping to learn Sand from Gaia Rock. I mean, all you had to do was defeat a big dragon thing. They'd fought a two-headed dragon and a three-headed dragon already; how hard could a one-headed dragon be?

Unfortunately for Sheba, everyone was asleep. She contemplated making so much noise as to get them up, but one time hanging upside down over a pool of sharks was enough for her.

'Jenna is so cranky about getting up early,' Sheba thought grumpily.

She considered her options, and decided to read someone's mind and blab all their secrets. Who to pick, though? Looking to the horizon, she saw it wasn't long before sunrise. She'd have to be quick. Garet, then. His was probably the quickest mind to read.

Sneaking into the boys' room, she settled herself down and cast Mind Read.

There was a thump sound in her head, like she just landed on something rather soft. Looking around, she found herself in some kind of dark room with the only light coming from a door that was slightly ajar.

"Where am I?" she wondered.

"Garet's mind, of course," a voice said from underneath her. Looking down, she saw she was sitting on someone.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed as she got up quickly.

The person she was standing on stood and started brushing the dust off his cloak. Strangely, even though he wasn't standing in the light, she could see him clearly, if nothing else. The hood on the black cloak slid back to reveal brown hair, tied back in a ponytail.

"Felix?" Sheba asked, taken aback. "How did you get here?"

"Felix?" the man asked, adjusting his hood. "Oh, no. I'm Alfred, your spirit guide."

"My what?"

"Spirit guide. You know, guide type through places unknown?" When this had no effect on her stunned look, he elaborated, "When a mind gets as twisted as Garet's has, people who try to mind read them often end up wandering the passages, lost for eternity. I'm here to guide you to the exit."

"Can't I just get out the normal way?" Sheba asked faintly, still shocked.

"No. You see, everything's against you. First off, Garet is asleep, so that means you've entered his subconscious. Secondly, his mind is very twisted. Thirdly, he doesn't use much of it, so some of them are just empty rooms, like this one." Alfred wiped a finger along a wall. "Boy, this one hasn't been used in a while. Look at all the dust!"

"I can't. It's too dark," Sheba told him.

"Oh. Right. One moment." Alfred concentrated on a hand, and after a few moments...nothing happened.

"Um..." Sheba was wondering how to ask politely what went wrong when he turned and looked at her sheepishly.

"Sorry. I'm just a spirit guide journeyman. A new one, at that. This was supposed to be my first real task."

'So,' Sheba reviewed what was happening. 'I'm stuck in Garet's subconscious, unable to get out until I find the exit, with a spirit guide in training who looks like Felix, and I only have a little time before the others wake up and find me in the boys' room. It can't get any worse than this.'

Cue spooky music...

***

Holding open the door, Alfred began to explain their task.

"Okay, we have to travel down pathways that connect in rooms of the same subject. This would be a lot easier in a one-track mind person," Alfred told Sheba. "If this were, say, Alex, we'd be able to just find the 'get Alchemy' pathway and follow it to the end. However, Garet's mind leaps from topic to topic without any real order, so it's going to be really difficult."

Sheba, when entering the hallway, stopped dead in her tracks (well, not really dead, but...oh, you know what I mean).

In front of her was a deep chasm. Looking around, she saw that the only way across was a frayed wooden bridge.

"Oh, dear," Alfred said worriedly. "I was afraid that this would happen. You see, Garet's just about to use the chamber we just exited, so there isn't a real pathway yet. We'll have to be careful."

"What would happen if we fell?" Sheba asked nervously, not really wanting to know the answer.

"We'd be placed in suspended animation for the rest of eternity, forced to listen to Garet burping for all time."

Sheba shuddered. A fate worse than death, indeed.

They carefully made their way across. Sheba nearly did a repeat of Venus Lighthouse (hey, there was even a "Felix" along with her!) when she jumped in surprise after hearing a scream of a soul in torment, one that has been unequalled since the beginning of civilization...or last time Vyctori got angry. I'm not sure.

"Thus would be our fate if we fell." Alfred shook his head sadly.

After crossing the bridge, they found a door. Sheba opened it and entered...and came extremely quickly.

"What's wrong?" Alfred asked.

Sheba was unable to answer, her mouth open in a silent scream. This worried Alfred, so, using Scary Spirit Guide Powers, he searched for what the room was about.

"Oh." Alfred understood now. "It's that room."

He held the bridge of his nose. He had hoped never to come upon the evil they now faced. He knew he was unprepared for this; the masters only had spoken of it in fearful whispers. Still, it was his duty to protect his charge with every last ounce of his strength.

"It's the room of Garet's fantasies--concerning those of the opposite gender," Alfred said in a solemn murmur.

"Is there no other way?" Sheba asked, afraid to know the answer.

Alfred sighed. "I am afraid that we will have to, but I will try and protect us as far as my powers shall go. I can protect our bodies, but our minds will be open for assault. You must hold it off with every last ounce of your willpower."

They opened the door, knowing full well that this may be the end of their adventures. Forever.

***

With her last strength, Sheba shot for the door. Hot on her heels, Alfred raced the final distance and slammed the door shut behind them.

"I am never going to be able to look at Jenna again without cringing," Sheba muttered firmly.

"We made it," Alfred said in wonder. "Many have died or lost their sanity (especially the latter) going through rooms such as these, and yet we made it!"

Suddenly, a dark form rose up from the shadows. Alfred gasped as he saw it.

"It is a Remalf being from the abyss of this mind's dark side!" Alfred exclaimed in horror.

"A what?" Sheba asked, but she went unheard.

Alfred held up a hand that glittered with white light and stood between the monster and Sheba. "Go on! I will try and hold the monster off! Don't worry about me; save yourself!" he cried dramatically.

"Don't be a moron." Sheba shoved past him. "Spark Plasma."

The Remalf disintegrated as the plasma stuff ripped through it. With a last cry, it was gone.

"I feel stupid," Alfred commented before they left the dust particles behind.

***

"Let's see...although Garet's mind is completely random, I think that the shortest path will take us through only two rooms and a long hallway," Alfred told Sheba. "Room one being here." He pointed to a room with a sign saying "ROOM NUMBER ONE, IDIOT!"

Sheba peeked around the corner. She gave a cry of shock. "It's made out of cheese!"

"Only partly," Alfred corrected her. "There's also ice cream, bread, baked potatoes, and a healthy dose of chocolate syrup. Well, there are some other things, but mainly that's it."

Entering, Sheba muttered, "I wish I was still bored..."

"Well, it appears we are starting on the Plains of Cheese," Alfred remarked. "Look! There's the rare Mozzarella Plant!"

"Shut up."

"Sorry."

They continued across the Plains of Cheese which was...very flat. And boring. A few sculpted plants from cheese were the only diversion from the (very literally) cheesy landscape.

Soon (although Sheba thought it wasn't soon enough), they came to what Alfred identified as the Ice Cream Tundra.

"How do you know what each of these are called?" Sheba asked suspiciously.

"Trade secret," Alfred replied evasively.

They trudged through thigh-high ice cream. Alfred lent Sheba his spare cloak to shield against the powdered sugar blizzard. He had to use his Scary Spirit Guide Powers to make a blazing white fire to keep them from freezing. However, the ice cream lessened later and the sugar thinned out as they arrived at the Baked Potato Mountains.

The great piles of potatoes were daunting, making Sheba wistfully think of the time when she was bored. Alfred fished out a rope from the sack that he wore at his side, explaining that part of the Spirit Guide training was to be prepared for anything. They tied themselves together. This was good, because Sheba happened to nearly repeat the Venus Lighthouse scene, but Alfred held onto a particularly sturdy baked potato and kept them up. When they reached the icing cap, they probably would have taken a long time to get down, but Alfred tripped and landed on a large flat potato and they slid all the way down on it to the Chocolate Syrup Marshes.

This was daunting, because the absorbent syrup pulled them down quickly. Sheba had to be fished out with Scary Spirit Guide Powers when she dropped in, having followed the glowing milk will-o'-wisps. When the cookie trees darkened the area, Alfred was required to try again at making a light (he failed). As they wandered through the darkness, they used liquorice sticks to check the path ahead. With some skill and a lot of luck, the two made it through to find the door into the next mind chamber.

***

"This chamber is the chamber where Garet thinks about fighting...ACK!" Alfred dived out of the way just in time so the Wise Griffin soared over his head.

"Spark Plasma," Sheba said indifferently. The Wise Griffin was fried.

"This is going to be a dangerous room," Alfred said, placing his hood back up.

"Nah. Spark Plasma, Tempest, and Destruct Ray."

The many monsters in the room were gone in the flash of light from the Jupiter attacks. However, there was an unfortunate side effect.

It woke up Dullahan.

Why was Garet thinking about Dullahan? Well, you try fighting him and forgetting him easily!

Suffice to say, Sheba was no longer so confident.

Luck was with them that day. Dullahan happened to be slow to wake up, so Alfred was able to make an illusion of them in another part of the room while they made a run for it, cloaked in invisibility. Dullahan took the bait and annihilated even the spectral images. Sheba and Alfred dived through the door into the final hallway.

In the hallway was at least five dozen Remalfs, gathered from the void of Garet's evil side.

Sheba tried to cast Spark Plasma, but she hadn't the Psynergy.

"Oh no! Because you're in Garet's mind for so long, you're having to use Mind Read repeatedly, causing your Psynergy to be drained!" Alfred exclaimed in horror. "That means..."

"It's up to you. We're doomed," Sheba said succinctly.

"Maybe not. Sheba, get close to the wall and prepare to run," Alfred warned her, the white fire already at his fingertips.

"What are you planning on doing?" Sheba asked, obeying.

"Just get ready to run!" Alfred faced the door they had just left. He raised his hand, and then brought it forward, fire lancing from his fingertips. The wall disintegrated.

Sheba knew now why he had told her to prepare to run.

He had unleashed Dullahan.

The obviously unintelligent Remalfs screeched insults at Dullahan in their indiscernible language. This is a mistake in any language.

Sheba ran as fast as she could as Dullahan blasted the Remalfs. She could've sworn that Dullahan chuckled. As she reached the door with the "Exit" sign above it. She turned back to see Alfred rushing down the hallway, his cloak flapping behind him, disappearing as he cast a spell of invisibility. He would be fine. She left and went back into the light.

***

Sheba tried to stand, but sat back down again. The mind reading had drained her too quickly.

The soft thud she made as she sat down woke the boys. Oh dear.

"Sheba? What are you doing here?" Felix asked, alarmed, as he quickly wrapped a blanket around himself (he slept without his shirt).

"And why are you sitting next to Garet?" Ivan asked curiously.

"WHO'S SITTING NEXT TO MY GARET?"

Sheba bit back a groan. Jenna was up.

"And finally," Isaac commented. "Where did you get that cloak?"

Sheba realized that she was still wearing Alfred's spare cloak.

She thought of what she could say to explain. She heard Jenna's footsteps pounding towards the room. She'd have to be quick.

"Oh, nothing," she said. "I was bored."

She had never realized what a good feeling boredom could be.

&&&

Yoshimi: Well, now you know what kind of insane, inane, idiotic, and alliterate kind of writing style you can expect from me!

Phil: That's going to more drive off requests rather than increase them.

Yoshimi: *shrugs*

Wilhelmina: *holding mallet and longsword* Review, or...I'll make Dullahan look like a wimp!


Yoshimi: Wilhelmina, that isn't possible.

Wilhelmina: Let's test that out! *runs after Yoshimi, who runs away*