Rainwalking

By Empress Dotdotdot

For SSJ-KybokSilverfang (Kybok)

Summary: Alex is secretive. There are a lot of things that he keeps hidden from the world . . . especially his true emotions about a certain someone.

Rating: PG . . . better to err on the side of caution.

Vyctori: Wow! I never expected to get such great reception from my previous fic! I hadn't been feeling particularly inspired, so it was a bit of a shock to find this fic universally loved. But a very pleasant shock indeed!

The reviewers. . . .

Empress Dotdotdot: Yoshimi will probably be interested to know you find his fic so--delicious. *grins*

Menardi: Hmph. I still say the first time you attacked me was a fluke. I was caught off guard, that's all! We should have a rematch!

Vyctori: . . . I don't know if that's such a good idea. . . . *reads further* *indignant* Hey! I do not have a one-track mind about stuff like that! I save my one-track mind for the Proxians!

Menardi: *snickers* *pats Vyctori on the shoulder* I'm sure you don't, Vycki. Heh heh heh.

Vyctori: *glares* Stop it. Anyway, for the millionth time--"Rainwalking"=excellent! Remember that!

The Faction's Lord: Of course there was Proxshipping! It just wouldn't be me if there wasn't! ^_^ And I've added your request to the list! Should be fun to do!

Void: I was going for the most random couple I could think of, and that was what popped up! And don't worry, your Mudshipping is coming . . . eventually. . . .

Yoshimi Takahashi: *gasps* A normal review? Apocalypse! Thanks for the compliment--I love romantic comedies, too!

Ocarina of the Sun ~did~ in fact cross my mind briefly when I was writing that. . . .

You, the King of Humour, thought this was funny? ^___^ I'm touched, Yoshimi! . . . And it looks like you strayed back into your split personality again! You might need counselling after this . . . !

Menardi: *evil grin* I recommend shock therapy. I'll go get my sister.

Vyctori: We want to get rid of his split personality, not kill him, Menardi!

bladegryphon: *VERY happy* Thank you!

Kevin C: *raises eyebrows* I don't know about perfect timing . . . I just wrote what felt right. Didn't actually think about it too much. But I'm very flattered you think it was funny! I didn't think I was particularly skilled at writing humour. And I, too, think that Felix would rather Jenna dated anyone but Garet--with the possible exception of Agatio! Now THAT'S a pairing and a half! ^_^

Lunaris Celestius: Welcome back! I was wondering where you and the others went! Insanity IS Yoshimi's specialty, although he usually does humour instead of angst. Actually, I was rather shocked that he turned out to be so good at the polar opposite of his usual. I hope you managed to enjoy your trip to Japan, despite the unfortunate circumstances surrounding it.

SSJ-KybokSilverfang: I think I will just stick to Kybok from now on . . . much simpler. I'm glad you found this funny--once again, it was a bit of a surprise for me to find this fic so well loved! Thanks!

MercuryAdept: ^_^ Hey, if Felix is willing to jump off a lighthouse to look after her, I'd figure he'd be pretty overprotective with everything else, too!

Menardi: You're exactly right, MercuryAdept. I'm the only one who deserves Saturos. So stop reading that Saturos/Jenna fic, Vycki, or else!

Vyctori: *cringes* It's interesting, but it could never, EVER replace Proxshipping!

Menardi: As long as you know what's right.

oBsCuReDoblivion13: ^_^ Thanks! Glad you liked it!

man: ". . ." Well . . . I don't much like writing anything over a PG level. "Blaze" was a PG-13 because I didn't think that the story would work out otherwise. Menardi and Saturos were mature enough that I really couldn't keep the rating any lower. However, I did say that I would write up to a very light R, so I'll honour my word if you really want that fic. There's at least one other person who, I'm assuming, will write that high of a rating, so it might not be me who writes it.

That being said, I'm glad you liked the fic! ^_^()

*********

Vyctori: Anyway, that's all from me! Now go read Dotdotdot-chan's most excellent fic! You know it's good when it has Alex as the main character and I still like it!

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Rainwalking

An Alex/Jenna for SSJ-KybokSilverfang

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Slate-grey was not what people would normally consider a beautiful color. Indeed, it was more often associated with sadness and depression than with peace and joy. Most people would especially look toward a sky of said color with anxiety and anger, upset at the impending storms and promised foul weather.

Alex, on the other hand, loved it.

The rain always had a soothing effect on him, and the slate-colored sky was a rather clear indicator of when it would come. He loved the feel of it in his hair, on his skin, dripping off of his eyelashes and onto his cheeks. He loved to just stand in the pouring water and let it wash over him. He wanted nothing more than to feel it soaking into his clothing, cleansing him.

It was a very unique thing to be in the rain, if you were a Mercury Adept, he mused as he inspected the sky above, which was clouding with darkness even as he thought. Karst and Agatio were so unlike himself.

"If we're going to get under shelter while we still can, we're going to have to hurry up! I'm talking to you, Alex!"

He heard himself sigh. That was Karst for you. Agatio was no different. Saturos and Menardi had also been the same way.

Mars Adepts. Just when you wanted to spend a bit of time in the rain, they would get all huffy about getting wet. It was so silly. A little water wasn't going to hurt them, honestly.

And it had been a few good years since Alex had spent any time contemplating the rain. He missed it. He very much missed it. 

The rain was a sort of oddly fitting symbol in his eyes. If the rain could wash away all the grime from the earth, sending it into a temporary state of purity, surely there was something that could do it for humanity.

Something that could do it for him.

"It looks like this cave is our best bet." Agatio's voice seemed very far away. "Alex? Are you still there?"

Alex sighed and jogged to catch up with his companions, lowering his aqua eyes from the sky. "Yes, yes, I'm coming!"

Karst had folded her arms and was waiting inside the cave, scowling at him.

"If we keep on going at your pace, we'll never be able to find Isaac!" She kicked some dirt at him. "We don't have time to dally about outside! Especially in bad weather like this."

Alex smiled. "I assume that means you don't like the rain?"

"I assume that means you don't like the rain?" Karst mocked in a squeaky imitation of Alex's voice. "Of course it means that, you dolt. Now get in here before it starts coming down."

Agatio ducked into the cave as thunder rolled, shaking the trees. A single lightning bolt split the air some distance away. Alex gave it a wistful glance before following Agatio and Karst into the cave.

"It always has to rain just when we're getting close!" Karst sighed. "I swear I can smell Isaac's blood from here. We'll catch him at the Lighthouse, I'm sure of it."

The Lighthouse. It would be one more step of Alex's plan to be completed. He could only hope that Felix held up his promise and lit the beacon. Then all that would be left was the Mars beacon, and he could have it at last.

Alchemy. The power to live forever. To choose who would hold immortality alongside him.

Not that it was a question, of course. He had already decided long ago who would be his companion.

He hadn't seen her since they had met up at Champa. Maybe at the beacon, he would see her again. What was he thinking? Of course he'd see her again. She was never the type to leave Felix. And doubtless she, too, wanted to save her parents.

He would see her again, and maybe then, he could talk with her.

"Alex! Are you paying attention to me?"

Alex blinked, then turned to Karst. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"Never mind," she huffed. "You're always like this when it storms. Completely and utterly useless."

He raised his eyebrows. "Is that so? I'm hurt, Karst."

"No you're not, and you know it." She turned to Agatio and began talking with him. Something about the Mars beacon. Alex paid them no mind; he had too many things to think about as it was.

What would Felix think? What would Mia think? He traced a finger in the dirt on the cave floor. Most importantly, what would Jenna think when she found out?  There were so many complexities. If she didn't understand, what would he do?

"I'm going for a walk." It took him a moment to realize that his voice was the one that said it.

"In this weather? Are you mad?" Karst shook her head. "Don't blame us if you catch cold!"

"I'll be fine. Don't worry."

His feet carried him out into the open air, where a few raindrops fell into his hair and slid down his long blue locks. Thunder growled as the massive clouds crouched before him, ready to pounce upon the landscape.

And soon the rain fell harder.

He stepped out away from the cave and scowled at the trees that shielded him from the blissful wet that he wanted. He needed it.

He closed his eyes momentarily, took a deep breath, and whispered, "Teleport."

When he opened his eyes again, he was in a large clearing, and the rain was everywhere. It snaked through his hair in long, wet trails as it left cold streaks on his skin. He stood still for a moment, then tilted his head back and held out his arms, letting the rain wash him clean.

A voice made him open his eyes again and turn around.

Jenna was standing in the trees, watching him. Her auburn ponytail had been plastered to her back with water, and she was shivering slightly.

"Alex?"

"Jenna."

The two stood completely still, watching each other for a few moments. Alex lifted one hand to push some stray hair out of his eyes, and continues watching Jenna as the rain rolled down his cheeks like tears would.

"What are you doing here?" She took a step forward.

He looked up at the clouds. "Rainwalking."

"What?"

"It's something I enjoy doing. Rainwalking. It gives me a chance to think about things, and I so love the rain."

"Is that it?" Jenna took another step. "You're just here for that? Where are Karst and Agatio?"

"In a cave somewhere. I couldn't care less about them right now. I have other things to think about."

"Like what?" With every word she spoke, Jenna drew closer to him.

"Like what I'm going to do once this is all over. What people will think of me when it's all said and done. How I'm going to live my life. Who I'm going to live it with."

"And you think out all these things in the rain? Why?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "You're a Mars Adept. You wouldn't understand it. It's just the way the rain makes me feel, that's all."

"Maybe I would understand." He felt her hands pressing against his chest. "What I said came out wrong. What I meant to say was, why do you think it over alone?"

He opened his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I've found that rainwalking doesn't work well for me when I'm alone. I have to have someone there. Even if I don't talk to them, it just helps to know that I'm not alone."

Alex looked down at her and with one wet glove pushed some hair behind her ear. "Where's your brother? And Sheba, and that Adept you replaced me with?"

"Replaced you?" She laughed. "Have you forgotten it was you who left us?"

"I never said that wasn't true." A smile darted momentarily across his lips. "I have priorities, Jenna."

"What, and I'm not one of them?"

There was a long stretch of silence before Alex found his tongue where it had cemented itself at the back of his throat.

"No, that's not it at all, Jenna. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to feel that way."

"You didn't mean it. So that's how it is." She turned away from him, sighing and shaking her head. "I get the feeling you don't mean a lot of things, Alex. Like, for instance, calling me insensitive. Or insulting Saturos and Menardi."

"My mouth does tend to run away with me at times. It's something I try to keep a hold of, but heaven knows all people make mistakes."

"I think you've made quite a few." With that, she left him and headed back for the security of the trees.

"Jenna!"

He couldn't let her go. Not now. Not yet.

"What if I don't ever see you again?" He reached forward and took her wrist in one hand. "What if this is the last chance I have to talk to you before it's all over?"

"Before what's all over, Alex?" She tried to pull away from him.

"I don't know. Everything. There are so many things I need to tell you, Jenna." He held her wrist still, and his tears mixed with the raindrops on his cheeks. "Rainwalk with me."

"Alex, there are so many things about you I don't know," Jenna said. "Who are you? Why did you betray the Mercury clan? Why did you leave us behind?"

"Rainwalk with me." Something was happening to his throat that made his voice rough and hoarse. "Please, rainwalk with me."

"I can't." Jenna pulled her wrist out of his grip.

"What if I told you something, Jenna?" He felt as though someone else was speaking through him. "Something important and valuable?"

"Alex, I can't. I just can't. You're too much of a wildcard. I don't know if I can trust you."

He sighed and turned around. "Fine. I'm going rainwalking."

The clearing was soon empty.

Alex wandered through the trees, quietly speaking to himself. His inner dialogue, like that of most people, rarely had a chance to breathe fresh air and openly talk with itself.

"I don't think she'll ever understand. She won't ever know how much she means to me.

"I am a fool."

The rain fell harder on his back, but Alex didn't even notice the cold.

"Why did I think she would understand? Why did I think she would listen? Fool! You've betrayed her, left her one too many times! You're a threat! A wildcard! An . . . an enemy."

The very word stung. It hurt to hear himself admit what he had felt himself to be all along. The truth truly was a painful thing.

He fell to his knees and sighed.

"You, Alex, are truly a fool," he said, resting one hand against the trunk of a tree. "A fool. She wouldn't love you. You're too filthy of a man."

What came next was hidden within his thoughts.

That's why you have to get the Golden Sun. To cleanse yourself. To make yourself worthy of this world. Worthy of everything. Worthy of her. How can one as corrupted as you ever be with one as pure as her? Fool!

"But . . . I . . ." He didn't quite know how to describe it to himself. Was it love? Was love a feeling so fickle that it tore your soul out when it couldn't be had, but nursed you back to health when it was within reach? Why, then, were so many people so very fond of love?

"I want her with me. All the time. I feel like I'll die if she's away. Is that enough for you?"

His subconscious replied, No. It's not. Nothing will ever be enough, because you'll always be filthy and foolish.

"No."

Impure.

"No."

Greedy.

"No."

Murderer.

"What? I . . . I . . ."

You can't deny it; you know it's true.

"But . . ."

Did you honestly think she'd love you? A killer like you? She could probably see right through your gloves and to the bloodstains on your hands!

"I know, but . . . if I could obtain Alchemy, then the man I killed could be revived. Isn't that how it works?"

What makes you think even the Golden Sun will accept you?

"I don't know."

You are a failure, Alex. Lost in futile hopes and delusional dreams. Fool!

"I . . . am a fool . . . an impure, horrid fool."

"That's not true."

He looked up to see Jenna watching him, the rain streaming through her hair and down her face. She was watching him with something like pity in her eyes.

"Jenna. Why are you . . . ?"

"I followed you. I don't know what you were thinking about just now, but you are no fool." She walked over to him and knelt down in the wet earth, leveling her brown eyes onto his blue ones.

"Yes, I am. I'm a flaw on the face of this world, Jenna."

He was rather shocked when she slapped him. "If you don't stop talking like that, I may be forced to take desperate measures."

He tried his best not to sound amused with her comment. "Desperate measures? Like what, per se?"

She kissed him then.

He wasn't quite sure of what to do. He had never kissed anyone in his entire life, much less been kissed by anyone. And Jenna was so close that he felt as if he would melt at any moment. Everything was frozen.

A voice in the depths of his mind said, I wonder if this is how it will feel when I obtain Alchemy?

Another voice responded, Who needs Alchemy when I can have this?

He closed his eyes and just let his thoughts go.

"Do you believe me now?" Jenna whispered when she had finally pulled away.

He opened his eyes to see that Jenna was crying. "Jenna? What's wrong?"

"I don't know." She looked away, off in the distance. "Maybe I should be going. I'm supposed to be keeping watch over the camp, and if Felix wakes up and sees that I'm gone . . ."

"Stay with me. Please."

"I don't know if that's the right thing for me to do, Alex."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't even want to follow you, but when I left, something inside me screamed. I just feel like if I let you go now, I . . . I may never see you again."

Alex felt himself breathe and felt his own heartbeat for the first time in years.

"What do you mean, Jenna?"

"I'm not quite sure." She glanced at him and took a long, deep breath. "I didn't want to let you go. I'm worried, Alex."

"I . . . said the exact same thing to you back there, but you didn't listen to me."

"Because I thought . . . I thought you were lying to me. I thought you didn't mean it, because there have been so many things that you've said that you didn't mean."

Alex sighed. "Jenna."

"Yes?"

He pulled her close to him again and stared into her eyes. "Rainwalk with me."

He pressed his lips to hers, closing his eyes and just letting himself bathe in her warmth.

An eternity later, they pulled apart, and Jenna looked at him.

"We can't do this, Alex."

"I know." It hurt to say it, but Alex knew that it was the truth. "I know."

"I'd best get going. Felix will worry." She stood to walk away.

"Jenna, one last thing . . . please."

"What is it, Alex?"

"Please, when you find out my reasons . . . when you know what I desire . . . please, try to understand me."

She tilted her head slightly to one side. "What do you mean?"

"You'll know when it happens. Please, just try to understand me . . . please."

She nodded, a small, slight movement in the wet, dark air, and left.

Alex closed his eyes, made a gesture with his hands, and vanished in a swirl of blue light.

A few moments later, he retreated into the cave where Karst and Agatio were. Karst was huddled beside a small fire that the two must have made while he was gone, while Agatio was sprawled out on the ground, sound asleep and snoring softly.

"About time you got back!" Karst pointed one long finger at him. "You're soaking wet! I told you already, don't blame us if you catch cold!"

He sighed and sat down beside the fire as Agatio snored again. "Haw far away is the Lighthouse?"

"We should be getting there tomorrow. For now, I'm getting some sleep. You keep watch first."

She laid down on the floor, facing away from him. Alex sighed and watched the flames.

A smile came unbidden to his face as he thought of Jenna.

He felt something wet on his cheek.

"But I . . ." He was surprised that he could still speak. "I should be dead by now . . ."

Still a fool, Alex. The Wise One knew you were coming, and that's why you're lying down here now.

You never deserved Alchemy, and now you'll die without ever having used its power.

He wondered momentarily if the wetness on his cheek was one of his own tears.

"Alex! Alex, can you hear me?"

He opened his eyes. "Jenna?"

She was standing over him, shoveling rocks away from his body.

"Jenna, but why are you . . ."

"You told me to try to understand, Alex! And I did!" She lifted a heavy rock off of his leg, and he winced as the cold air bit into his wound.

"But Jenna . . ."

"Shut up and let me get you out of there!"

He looked up at her. "Do you . . . do you understand, then?" Only now did he realize how much it hurt to talk.

"I understand that I can't let you die!" She hauled off another rock, freeing his chest from beneath the rubble.

He realized now that it was indeed the rain that had left a cold, wet spot on his cheek. Another small droplet hit his forehead.

Still, Jenna continued to dig him out, until at last she bent over and grasped his hands.

"Let's get you back," she said. "I'm sure with the right discussion, Mia would be happy to heal you."

"But . . . I took Alchemy. I'm a threat to you."

"You are never a threat to me, Alex." She pulled one of his arms over her shoulder and helped him limp away from the collapsed mountain.

"I . . ."

"Don't say anything, Alex. Save your strength." After speaking these words, Jenna hesitated and swallowed.

"And . . . and I love you, too, Alex."

Another raindrop hit his cheek, and he smiled.

~ * * * ~

Alex: *nods* A very well written, brilliant piece of fanfiction.

Vyctori: . . . I hate having to agree with you. Anyway, this is my new muse, Alex, who was hired by several readers so I could get my rear in gear and update more often. Now, I'd like everyone to review with lots of honest praise, because for some insane reason, Dotdotdot-chan doesn't think this is very good. And despite my insistences to the contrary, she still doesn't think so. She's probably going to be mad at me because of this, but everyone be nice, now. No flames or I shall personally kill you.

Menardi: That's my job! Don't be moving in on my territory!

Vyctori: This time, I'd like to look after any idiots myself, all right?

Menardi: # Fine.

Vyctori: Good.