I AM MADDER THAN HECK.
My little brother just submitted a story UNDER MY NOSE AND MY ACCOUNT.
I specifically TOLD HIM NOT TO!!!
I just read it while checking my stats, AND IT IS HORRIBLE!!! No offense to him, but it is. I have no idea how he understood the instructions of creating a story if HE CAN'T EVEN SPELL REVIEW. Kind of ironic, don't you think?
Instead of removing it, I have a better punishment. PLEASE READ HIS STORY, AND FLAME IT TO NO END. Its name is "harrypotter". You can find it by clicking on my pen name, and going straight to the story from there.
In fact, go do just that right now. Don't worry; I'll still be here.
And don't worry about hurting his feelings, as HE IS EVIL.
Maybe this will teach him not to submit stories under my name.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Er, sorry.
If you haven't figured it out yet, I DID NOT WRITE THAT STORY.
Not only did that story make me look bad, IT CUT MY WORD COUNT AVERAGE DOWN BY NEARLY HALF. HALF!!! INSTEAD OF 14,000 PLUS AVERAGE WORDS, I NOW HAVE 7,000 PLUS!!!
I really have to protect my passwords better.
Okay, I think I just blew off all of my steam.
Wow, that was some kind of introduction to chapter ten! Anyway, this chapter, being chapter ten and all, will be longer and funnier than ever! Now get ready for the most unsurpassed (in humor!) chapter on all of FanFiction dot Net!!!
***
Harry Potter woke up.
THE END!!!
***
Ha? No!?! Okay, okay, that wasn't the real chapter, unfortunately. This is.
***
Hermione
***
Yep, that was great. The best chapter ever! No, really, that's the real chapter. Bye! And review!
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Ha ha ha... yeah, uh, I'll bet you expected me to write down here, didn't you? Why? Because I forgot the disclaimer, of course! Wow... well, anyway, here's the real chapter, and the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I don't own many things in life. I don't own $1,000,000; I don't own that horrible "harrypotter" story. And I don't own Harry Potter.
Harry was dreading the trip to Potions the next day.
With Snape now changed into a woman for two weeks, (and a very sexy woman at that,) Harry was worried that he might fall in love with his enemy. He had just about been the whole root in the death of Sirius! There was no way in heck that he could fall in love with him... er, her, and live with himself.
Ron, who just thought Snape, like all Slytherins, was a git, and he couldn't imagine the fight his conscience would have with himself if he had feelings for him... er, her.
Harry and Ron reluctantly walked in through the potions door with Hermione. And then they gasped at the sight they saw.
It was the most gorgeous woman they had ever seen, and the scary thing was, she still resembled the male Snape. Harry and Ron sat down in their seats, trying to avoid glancing at Snape.
"Oh, and what do we have here?" said the female Snape in a female voice, of course. "You've arrived a minute late! I'm afraid I'll have to take five points each..."
Well, at least he hadn't changed that much.
"...If it happens again! Now, on with the lesson!"
Harry, Ron and Hermione all gaped, and turned to each other. Did Snape... just LET THEM COME IN EARLY!?
"Now-" said Snape, "I've graded your essays you sent to me!"
The whole class groaned, except for Hermione, of course.
"I've found that many did not do well, so, I graded on a curve! None of you got below an 'Acceptable!'"
The class just stared at Snape in silence. Did he just... help out his class?
"Of course, the best grade in here goes to HERMIONE Granger, who got the only 'Outstanding!' Way to go Hermione! Take 20 points for Gryffindor!"
The class just about had a heart attack. Snape had NEVER given any points to Gryffindor, as far as they knew! This couldn't be the Snape they knew... oh, wait, it wasn't.
"I think..." mumbled Hermione under her breath, "That when his gender changed, his personality inverted! He's now nicer than ever, instead of nastier than ever!"
Harry only listened halfway. His mind- and heart- was on how nice Snape had become. He wouldn't mind going to Potions at all for the next two weeks. Not with that warm, angel-like face staring at him, that sweet voice giving his house points, that great butt...
"AAAHH!" screamed Harry and Ron at the same time. They both knew they had been thinking the same thing.
Harry forced himself to keep his head down during the whole lesson, trying hard not to look at his teacher. "I must not fall in love with her!" he told himself firmly. "This is NOT the real her! The real her, or him, doesn't have a great butt like that..."
"AAAHH!" screamed Harry and Ron again. Snape finally noticed, and came over.
"Why, what's the matter with you two sweet boys?" she asked, smiling.
Ron felt like he wanted to melt away, and Harry's knees just about gave out.
"Well- we- er, t-t-t-t-that is, uh, er..." stammered Harry.
Snape walked over to the boys' desk.
"Now, now..." said Snape, smiling, "Have you two done the work I asked of you?"
Harry and Ron, sweating profusely, both managed a no.
"No? Well, now, we can't have that, can we?" said Snape, giggling slightly. "Well, we'll just have to finish it in extra help. May I see you boys... oh, when...?"
At this statement, Snape put the edge of her seat on Harry's desk, and unknowingly leaned directly over Harry.
Harry attempted to look up into his teacher's... er, what's the word to describe it... oh yeah, face, to discourage himself from looking at his teacher's seat, which was now on his chair, and then he saw the smile. The full, beaming smile that made Harry want to jump up and plant a kiss on Snape's lips right now.
This was too much now. Mumbling incoherently, Harry managed to fall sideways out of his desk, and barely crawl towards the door. When he made it, without looking back, he began a sprint for the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Oh, dear, I wonder what that could be." Wondered Snape aloud. "Well, Ronnie, can you tell Harry that we may have Extra Help tomorrow after lunch? Thank you."
Ron gulped, and managed a weak "yeah" as Snape walked away.
Hermione looked at Ron, and then at Harry's now empty seat, and then shook her head in disbelief.
***
"Man, can you believe that new Snape? He, I mean, she gave us 100 points today!"
"A hundred!?"
"Yeah, and what's even better, Slytherin only got 40!"
"You're crazy!"
"No I'm not! I'm not kidding!"
"No way! You are crazy!"
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not!"
"Then why are you wearing nothing but an old tissue box?"
"..."
These were the words spoken as Ron and Hermione slowly made their way to the common room. Of course, they had Transfiguration next, but they thought they could easily skive that off without notice.
***
Fifteen minutes later, after avoiding half the teachers in the school, numerous traps, and professor McGonagall herself, (man, she was a fast runner!) the two finally arrived at Transfiguration.
Ron and Hermione then hit themselves very firmly in the head.
Fifteen MORE minutes later, they arrived at the Common Room.
"Hermione, YOU skived off Transfiguration!?" asked Harry in disbelief.
"Yes, I did." Said Hermione.
"What's happened to you?" asked Harry in wonder.
"Nothing!" said Hermione nervously, brushing all of the rug lint out of her robes. "What the real problem is... is how we're going to make you NOT make a fool out of yourself in Extra Help!"
"Simple!" said Harry. "I won't go!"
"HARRY!" gasped Hermione. "You'll get a... a... A ZERO!!!"
"So? I'm still averaging between an 'A' and an 'E'."
"Harry... I don't think you understand. Did you ever do averages in math?"
"No, since they dragged me out of school and put me here BEFORE SIXTH GRADE!"
"Well, I have." Said Hermione. "A zero averaged into your grade may bring it down to a Poor... or even a Dreadful!"
"No, most likely a Poor..." said Ron, figuring in his head.
"SHUT UP!!!" screamed Hermione.
Ron shut up.
"Anyway, Harry, you NEED to go to that Extra Help! It's for your own good!"
"No it isn't..." said Ron. "Even with a Poor in this semester in Potions, Harry still cam get by, quite easily, by just..."
"Ron..." said Hermione slowly.
"Yes, Snape? I MEAN, Snape? I MEAN, Hermione? I MEAN, Snape?"
"First of all, that was just sad, and second, WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS OPPOURTUNITY TO GET ALL SMART ON ME!?!"
"AND WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS OPPOURTUNITY TO GET ALL EVIL AND START SKIPPING CLASSES AND YELLING!?"
Hermione blushed. "I... er..."
"Harry and I may make fools of ourselves tomorrow, but we REALLY need to find out what is up with you!"
"Just... leave me ALONE!!!" sobbed Hermione, running towards the girls' dormitories.
"Oh," she said, as she was at the top of the steps, "and don't come to the secret room on the third floor near Defense Against the Dark Arts. Make sure you don't get there by tapping the second statue to the left on the opposite wall with your wands. And..." she said, her voice getting firmer, "DON'T come to that room two days from now at exactly 1:45 in the morning."
"And... why shouldn't we come there?" asked Harry.
"Just a warning."
Harry and Ron looked at each other. They were smart... okay, maybe not, but they weren't dumb... wait, yes they were. But in any case, they knew they'd be there two days from now at 2:54 in the afternoon. Wait a minute...
"HERMIONE! WHAT'S THE TIME AGAIN!?"
"1:45 IN THE MORNING!!!"
Harry and Ron both smiled. They'd be there three days from now at 1:45 in the morning. Wait a minute...
"HERMIONE!!! WHAT DAY!?"
"TWO DAYS FROM NOW!!!"
Harry and Ron smiled. They'd be there- wait... where!?
"HERMIONE!!!"
***
Okay... yeah, nice chapter, yes? Kind of crazy, as usual... Anyway, next one, we find out what happens at the extra help! (Boy, we can't wait for that one, can we? ^_^) and the one after that... well, I'll have to think of it. SEE YA'!
You. Review. Now. Or. Else. I. Will. Have. To. Be. Forced. To. Talk. In. More. Than. One. Word. Sentences. And. You. Would. Not. Want. That. Now. Would. You?
Wait... YOU DO!? Okay, I stopped. Now review. Hey, where are you going!? I said review! No! Bring that cursor back over here... don't press the back button... NOOOOOOOO! Wait... if you review, I'll pay you ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!* ** *** ~
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*- That star thingy means there's a note down here!
**-Two stars mean another note!
***-I don't have a thousand dollars. Do not expect a thousand dollars. Just review.
My little brother just submitted a story UNDER MY NOSE AND MY ACCOUNT.
I specifically TOLD HIM NOT TO!!!
I just read it while checking my stats, AND IT IS HORRIBLE!!! No offense to him, but it is. I have no idea how he understood the instructions of creating a story if HE CAN'T EVEN SPELL REVIEW. Kind of ironic, don't you think?
Instead of removing it, I have a better punishment. PLEASE READ HIS STORY, AND FLAME IT TO NO END. Its name is "harrypotter". You can find it by clicking on my pen name, and going straight to the story from there.
In fact, go do just that right now. Don't worry; I'll still be here.
And don't worry about hurting his feelings, as HE IS EVIL.
Maybe this will teach him not to submit stories under my name.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Er, sorry.
If you haven't figured it out yet, I DID NOT WRITE THAT STORY.
Not only did that story make me look bad, IT CUT MY WORD COUNT AVERAGE DOWN BY NEARLY HALF. HALF!!! INSTEAD OF 14,000 PLUS AVERAGE WORDS, I NOW HAVE 7,000 PLUS!!!
I really have to protect my passwords better.
Okay, I think I just blew off all of my steam.
Wow, that was some kind of introduction to chapter ten! Anyway, this chapter, being chapter ten and all, will be longer and funnier than ever! Now get ready for the most unsurpassed (in humor!) chapter on all of FanFiction dot Net!!!
***
Harry Potter woke up.
THE END!!!
***
Ha? No!?! Okay, okay, that wasn't the real chapter, unfortunately. This is.
***
Hermione
***
Yep, that was great. The best chapter ever! No, really, that's the real chapter. Bye! And review!
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Ha ha ha... yeah, uh, I'll bet you expected me to write down here, didn't you? Why? Because I forgot the disclaimer, of course! Wow... well, anyway, here's the real chapter, and the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I don't own many things in life. I don't own $1,000,000; I don't own that horrible "harrypotter" story. And I don't own Harry Potter.
Harry was dreading the trip to Potions the next day.
With Snape now changed into a woman for two weeks, (and a very sexy woman at that,) Harry was worried that he might fall in love with his enemy. He had just about been the whole root in the death of Sirius! There was no way in heck that he could fall in love with him... er, her, and live with himself.
Ron, who just thought Snape, like all Slytherins, was a git, and he couldn't imagine the fight his conscience would have with himself if he had feelings for him... er, her.
Harry and Ron reluctantly walked in through the potions door with Hermione. And then they gasped at the sight they saw.
It was the most gorgeous woman they had ever seen, and the scary thing was, she still resembled the male Snape. Harry and Ron sat down in their seats, trying to avoid glancing at Snape.
"Oh, and what do we have here?" said the female Snape in a female voice, of course. "You've arrived a minute late! I'm afraid I'll have to take five points each..."
Well, at least he hadn't changed that much.
"...If it happens again! Now, on with the lesson!"
Harry, Ron and Hermione all gaped, and turned to each other. Did Snape... just LET THEM COME IN EARLY!?
"Now-" said Snape, "I've graded your essays you sent to me!"
The whole class groaned, except for Hermione, of course.
"I've found that many did not do well, so, I graded on a curve! None of you got below an 'Acceptable!'"
The class just stared at Snape in silence. Did he just... help out his class?
"Of course, the best grade in here goes to HERMIONE Granger, who got the only 'Outstanding!' Way to go Hermione! Take 20 points for Gryffindor!"
The class just about had a heart attack. Snape had NEVER given any points to Gryffindor, as far as they knew! This couldn't be the Snape they knew... oh, wait, it wasn't.
"I think..." mumbled Hermione under her breath, "That when his gender changed, his personality inverted! He's now nicer than ever, instead of nastier than ever!"
Harry only listened halfway. His mind- and heart- was on how nice Snape had become. He wouldn't mind going to Potions at all for the next two weeks. Not with that warm, angel-like face staring at him, that sweet voice giving his house points, that great butt...
"AAAHH!" screamed Harry and Ron at the same time. They both knew they had been thinking the same thing.
Harry forced himself to keep his head down during the whole lesson, trying hard not to look at his teacher. "I must not fall in love with her!" he told himself firmly. "This is NOT the real her! The real her, or him, doesn't have a great butt like that..."
"AAAHH!" screamed Harry and Ron again. Snape finally noticed, and came over.
"Why, what's the matter with you two sweet boys?" she asked, smiling.
Ron felt like he wanted to melt away, and Harry's knees just about gave out.
"Well- we- er, t-t-t-t-that is, uh, er..." stammered Harry.
Snape walked over to the boys' desk.
"Now, now..." said Snape, smiling, "Have you two done the work I asked of you?"
Harry and Ron, sweating profusely, both managed a no.
"No? Well, now, we can't have that, can we?" said Snape, giggling slightly. "Well, we'll just have to finish it in extra help. May I see you boys... oh, when...?"
At this statement, Snape put the edge of her seat on Harry's desk, and unknowingly leaned directly over Harry.
Harry attempted to look up into his teacher's... er, what's the word to describe it... oh yeah, face, to discourage himself from looking at his teacher's seat, which was now on his chair, and then he saw the smile. The full, beaming smile that made Harry want to jump up and plant a kiss on Snape's lips right now.
This was too much now. Mumbling incoherently, Harry managed to fall sideways out of his desk, and barely crawl towards the door. When he made it, without looking back, he began a sprint for the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Oh, dear, I wonder what that could be." Wondered Snape aloud. "Well, Ronnie, can you tell Harry that we may have Extra Help tomorrow after lunch? Thank you."
Ron gulped, and managed a weak "yeah" as Snape walked away.
Hermione looked at Ron, and then at Harry's now empty seat, and then shook her head in disbelief.
***
"Man, can you believe that new Snape? He, I mean, she gave us 100 points today!"
"A hundred!?"
"Yeah, and what's even better, Slytherin only got 40!"
"You're crazy!"
"No I'm not! I'm not kidding!"
"No way! You are crazy!"
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not!"
"Then why are you wearing nothing but an old tissue box?"
"..."
These were the words spoken as Ron and Hermione slowly made their way to the common room. Of course, they had Transfiguration next, but they thought they could easily skive that off without notice.
***
Fifteen minutes later, after avoiding half the teachers in the school, numerous traps, and professor McGonagall herself, (man, she was a fast runner!) the two finally arrived at Transfiguration.
Ron and Hermione then hit themselves very firmly in the head.
Fifteen MORE minutes later, they arrived at the Common Room.
"Hermione, YOU skived off Transfiguration!?" asked Harry in disbelief.
"Yes, I did." Said Hermione.
"What's happened to you?" asked Harry in wonder.
"Nothing!" said Hermione nervously, brushing all of the rug lint out of her robes. "What the real problem is... is how we're going to make you NOT make a fool out of yourself in Extra Help!"
"Simple!" said Harry. "I won't go!"
"HARRY!" gasped Hermione. "You'll get a... a... A ZERO!!!"
"So? I'm still averaging between an 'A' and an 'E'."
"Harry... I don't think you understand. Did you ever do averages in math?"
"No, since they dragged me out of school and put me here BEFORE SIXTH GRADE!"
"Well, I have." Said Hermione. "A zero averaged into your grade may bring it down to a Poor... or even a Dreadful!"
"No, most likely a Poor..." said Ron, figuring in his head.
"SHUT UP!!!" screamed Hermione.
Ron shut up.
"Anyway, Harry, you NEED to go to that Extra Help! It's for your own good!"
"No it isn't..." said Ron. "Even with a Poor in this semester in Potions, Harry still cam get by, quite easily, by just..."
"Ron..." said Hermione slowly.
"Yes, Snape? I MEAN, Snape? I MEAN, Hermione? I MEAN, Snape?"
"First of all, that was just sad, and second, WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS OPPOURTUNITY TO GET ALL SMART ON ME!?!"
"AND WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS OPPOURTUNITY TO GET ALL EVIL AND START SKIPPING CLASSES AND YELLING!?"
Hermione blushed. "I... er..."
"Harry and I may make fools of ourselves tomorrow, but we REALLY need to find out what is up with you!"
"Just... leave me ALONE!!!" sobbed Hermione, running towards the girls' dormitories.
"Oh," she said, as she was at the top of the steps, "and don't come to the secret room on the third floor near Defense Against the Dark Arts. Make sure you don't get there by tapping the second statue to the left on the opposite wall with your wands. And..." she said, her voice getting firmer, "DON'T come to that room two days from now at exactly 1:45 in the morning."
"And... why shouldn't we come there?" asked Harry.
"Just a warning."
Harry and Ron looked at each other. They were smart... okay, maybe not, but they weren't dumb... wait, yes they were. But in any case, they knew they'd be there two days from now at 2:54 in the afternoon. Wait a minute...
"HERMIONE! WHAT'S THE TIME AGAIN!?"
"1:45 IN THE MORNING!!!"
Harry and Ron both smiled. They'd be there three days from now at 1:45 in the morning. Wait a minute...
"HERMIONE!!! WHAT DAY!?"
"TWO DAYS FROM NOW!!!"
Harry and Ron smiled. They'd be there- wait... where!?
"HERMIONE!!!"
***
Okay... yeah, nice chapter, yes? Kind of crazy, as usual... Anyway, next one, we find out what happens at the extra help! (Boy, we can't wait for that one, can we? ^_^) and the one after that... well, I'll have to think of it. SEE YA'!
You. Review. Now. Or. Else. I. Will. Have. To. Be. Forced. To. Talk. In. More. Than. One. Word. Sentences. And. You. Would. Not. Want. That. Now. Would. You?
Wait... YOU DO!? Okay, I stopped. Now review. Hey, where are you going!? I said review! No! Bring that cursor back over here... don't press the back button... NOOOOOOOO! Wait... if you review, I'll pay you ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!* ** *** ~
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*- That star thingy means there's a note down here!
**-Two stars mean another note!
***-I don't have a thousand dollars. Do not expect a thousand dollars. Just review.