For some reason, FF dot Net wouldn't let me log in for about an hour,
so I couldn't post!
But now I am logged in, and can write and post all I want!
Now onward!
Disclaimer: I love to eat pizza.
***
Harry arrived at Snape's detention, fire still in his eyes. He was going to get Snape back, no matter how many points it cost. Obviously, Snape being a girl hadn't taught him a lesson. No matter what Snape said- he would get him back.
"Harry Potter," said Snape as soon as Harry walked into the dungeons- "If you attempt to get me back I will referee your Quidditch match tomorrow with Hufflepuff!"
This made Harry lose all of his desire to get Snape back.
"Why would I want to get you back, sir?" Harry asked with mock politeness.
"Because I heard you mumbling 'I've gotta get him back' under your breath as you came into the dungeons!"
Harry cursed. He thought that he had only been thinking that!
"And ten points from Gryffindor for your language!" said Snape, his eyes glittering.
Harry had obviously thought that he had been thinking that too.
"What?" wondered Snape. "Are you babbling, Potter?"
"What do you mean?" asked Harry, confused.
"There! You just did it again! First you said, 'Harry had obviously thought that he had been thinking that too,' and then you said, 'What do you mean? Asked Harry, confused.' It's like you're talking in a way an author of a book would talk about you!"
"No I'm not! Said Harry angrily. Was Snape trying to mock him?" said Harry angrily. Was Snape trying to mock him?
"Potter, I should be asking you the same question!" said Snape furiously. "Whatever this is, it just cost Gryffindor ten more points!"
"No way! Said Harry, offended. I'm not doing what you said!" said Harry, offended.
"Potter, fifty points from Gryffindor! Consider that your detention! Now get out of my sight!"
"Harry was almost beside himself with anger. You must be crazy- I'm not talking like- Harry stopped." Harry stopped. "Oh my gosh! He said. I am talking like that!" he said.
Harry bolted upstairs, and dashed towards Gryffindor tower. He had no idea why he was talking like this, this had to be some sort of a spell, like the Klat Sdrawkcab spell, who could have- and then he stopped.
"GINNY AND COLIN! HARRY SCREAMED!" Harry screamed. "They're the ones who probably did it- and I've got to find the counter-spell! Make that, Hermione has to find the counter-spell! Said Harry." Said Harry.
***
"Ron, why are we sitting around here doing nothing?" wondered Hermione.
"Because it's February 21st. Harry always runs in with a problem that you have to solve on February 21st."
Harry burst into the common room.
"HERMIONE! SHOUTED HARRY!" shouted Harry. "I HAVE A PROBLEM THAT I NEED YOU TO SOLVE!"
Ron looked at Harry like he was crazy, but Hermione gave Harry a significant look.
"It's the 'misplaced quo'tes spell!" said Hermione. "It's kind of complicated; you have to think of our world as a book."
"Yeah?" said Harry and Ron together. However, Harry added "said Harry and Ron together."
"Well, when someone speaks in a book, they have quotes around their words, and then the author adds something like, 'said Hermione.'" Said Hermione. "Well, in the 'misplaced quo'tes' spell, it's like you're speaking as if the author puts the ending quotations around the extra bit like 'said Hermione,' instead of ending them where the speaker usually finishes!"
"Wow, what an unusual spell." Said Ron. "Who cast it on you, Harry?"
"Who do you think!? Asked Harry Furiously. Those two little *astards, Ginny and Colin!" said Harry furiously.
"Harry, what's an asterisk-astard?" asked Ron.
"A what?"
"That's what you called Ginny and Colin. Asterisk-astards."
"No, Ron." Said Hermione. "He was trying to say the swear word, but since the spell cast also makes him talk as if the book he's in would be rated PG, he can't say that word! So, on paper, the censored version of that bad word would look like ASTERISK- A-S-T-A-R-D-S. And since the spell makes him talk like a book, that's what he has to say!"
"Oh." Said Ron. "Man, Harry, you can't even swear? That's unfair."
"Just... stop me from talking this way! Said Harry irritably." Said Harry irritably.
"Okay, okay." Said Hermione. She picked up her wand and pointed it at Harry's throat. "REPLACIO QUOTUS!" she said.
Harry felt a jolt in his throat. "I'M CURED! Said Harry." Said Harry.
"Er, Harry," started Hermione.
"Sorry, Herm, can't talk now! I have to go find those two idiots, Ginny and Colin! Said Harry hurriedly. I'll bet they're in my dormitory!"
"Harry, the spell doesn't take effect for one hour-"
"Yeah, yeah. Said Harry not listening. I just have to go find them!" said Harry, not listening.
As Harry ran upstairs, Ron and Hermione turned to each other.
"Let the idiot find out for himself." They said at the same time. Then they started laughing very maniacally.
Neville came downstairs, looked at them, shrugged, and joined in.
A few first years came down, looked at the three, got scared, and ran away, crying.
***
"Harry looked around his dormitory room." Said Harry. "He saw no one inside but that idiot Seamus and Dean. He would never admit it to himself, but if Dean was a girl, he'd totally date him... her."
To Harry's surprise, Seamus brushed past him, looking highly affronted, and Dean rushed past him, looking at him like he was an alien.
Brushing it off, Harry tore open his bed curtain. No one was there. Breathing a sigh of relief, Harry went back downstairs.
Ron, Hermione, and Neville were all there, laughing evilly. Harry looked at them like they were crazy, and then saw Ginny in a corner.
"GINNY! SHOUTED HARRY!" shouted Harry.
"What is it, Harry?" Ginny said sweetly.
"DON'T YOU WHAT IS IT ME, I KNOW WHAT YOU DID! SHOUTED HARRY, TRYING NOT TO LOOK AT HER TIGHT BUTT!" shouted Harry, trying not to look at her tight butt. "AS MUCH AS HE HATED HER AT THE MOMENT, HE HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE HAD A GREAT BUTT, AND HE JUST HOPED RON WOULDN'T FIND OUT!" shouted Harry for all of the common room to hear.
Ginny just froze in horror, and Ron, Hermione, and Neville all stopped laughing, and turned to gape at Harry.
"You... YOU'VE BEEN CHECKING OUT MY SISTER!?!" shouted Ron, striding over to Harry.
"No, no I haven't, Ron, what gave you that idea!? Lied Harry, sweating. How did Ron find out that he had secretly been trying to catch glimpses of Ginny's butt ever since she came to this school!?" said Harry.
"YOU SON OF A- THIS IS MY SISTER!!!" screamed Ron. Ginny ran away to the girls' dormitory.
"And then Harry realized that the 'misplaced quo'tes spell hadn't worn off." Said Harry, who had just realized that the "misplaced quo"tes spell hadn't worn off.
Ron just looked at Harry like he was an alien, and then ran to his bed.
Harry, very embarrassed now, turned to Hermione.
"Harry..." said Hermione, "You just blew it."
"Yes I did. Said Harry, sheepishly turning away." Said Harry, sheepishly turning away.
***
Well, that definitely was an unorthodox chapter. But next chapter: More Quidditch!
Do you think this story is funny? Do you think it is not funny? Are you undecided? Do you not care? Do you like pie? Do you breathe?
If your answer is yes, no, or maybe to any of the above questions, review.
Help the dream come true!
That's the dream of 100 reviews. Did I tell you about this before?
But now I am logged in, and can write and post all I want!
Now onward!
Disclaimer: I love to eat pizza.
***
Harry arrived at Snape's detention, fire still in his eyes. He was going to get Snape back, no matter how many points it cost. Obviously, Snape being a girl hadn't taught him a lesson. No matter what Snape said- he would get him back.
"Harry Potter," said Snape as soon as Harry walked into the dungeons- "If you attempt to get me back I will referee your Quidditch match tomorrow with Hufflepuff!"
This made Harry lose all of his desire to get Snape back.
"Why would I want to get you back, sir?" Harry asked with mock politeness.
"Because I heard you mumbling 'I've gotta get him back' under your breath as you came into the dungeons!"
Harry cursed. He thought that he had only been thinking that!
"And ten points from Gryffindor for your language!" said Snape, his eyes glittering.
Harry had obviously thought that he had been thinking that too.
"What?" wondered Snape. "Are you babbling, Potter?"
"What do you mean?" asked Harry, confused.
"There! You just did it again! First you said, 'Harry had obviously thought that he had been thinking that too,' and then you said, 'What do you mean? Asked Harry, confused.' It's like you're talking in a way an author of a book would talk about you!"
"No I'm not! Said Harry angrily. Was Snape trying to mock him?" said Harry angrily. Was Snape trying to mock him?
"Potter, I should be asking you the same question!" said Snape furiously. "Whatever this is, it just cost Gryffindor ten more points!"
"No way! Said Harry, offended. I'm not doing what you said!" said Harry, offended.
"Potter, fifty points from Gryffindor! Consider that your detention! Now get out of my sight!"
"Harry was almost beside himself with anger. You must be crazy- I'm not talking like- Harry stopped." Harry stopped. "Oh my gosh! He said. I am talking like that!" he said.
Harry bolted upstairs, and dashed towards Gryffindor tower. He had no idea why he was talking like this, this had to be some sort of a spell, like the Klat Sdrawkcab spell, who could have- and then he stopped.
"GINNY AND COLIN! HARRY SCREAMED!" Harry screamed. "They're the ones who probably did it- and I've got to find the counter-spell! Make that, Hermione has to find the counter-spell! Said Harry." Said Harry.
***
"Ron, why are we sitting around here doing nothing?" wondered Hermione.
"Because it's February 21st. Harry always runs in with a problem that you have to solve on February 21st."
Harry burst into the common room.
"HERMIONE! SHOUTED HARRY!" shouted Harry. "I HAVE A PROBLEM THAT I NEED YOU TO SOLVE!"
Ron looked at Harry like he was crazy, but Hermione gave Harry a significant look.
"It's the 'misplaced quo'tes spell!" said Hermione. "It's kind of complicated; you have to think of our world as a book."
"Yeah?" said Harry and Ron together. However, Harry added "said Harry and Ron together."
"Well, when someone speaks in a book, they have quotes around their words, and then the author adds something like, 'said Hermione.'" Said Hermione. "Well, in the 'misplaced quo'tes' spell, it's like you're speaking as if the author puts the ending quotations around the extra bit like 'said Hermione,' instead of ending them where the speaker usually finishes!"
"Wow, what an unusual spell." Said Ron. "Who cast it on you, Harry?"
"Who do you think!? Asked Harry Furiously. Those two little *astards, Ginny and Colin!" said Harry furiously.
"Harry, what's an asterisk-astard?" asked Ron.
"A what?"
"That's what you called Ginny and Colin. Asterisk-astards."
"No, Ron." Said Hermione. "He was trying to say the swear word, but since the spell cast also makes him talk as if the book he's in would be rated PG, he can't say that word! So, on paper, the censored version of that bad word would look like ASTERISK- A-S-T-A-R-D-S. And since the spell makes him talk like a book, that's what he has to say!"
"Oh." Said Ron. "Man, Harry, you can't even swear? That's unfair."
"Just... stop me from talking this way! Said Harry irritably." Said Harry irritably.
"Okay, okay." Said Hermione. She picked up her wand and pointed it at Harry's throat. "REPLACIO QUOTUS!" she said.
Harry felt a jolt in his throat. "I'M CURED! Said Harry." Said Harry.
"Er, Harry," started Hermione.
"Sorry, Herm, can't talk now! I have to go find those two idiots, Ginny and Colin! Said Harry hurriedly. I'll bet they're in my dormitory!"
"Harry, the spell doesn't take effect for one hour-"
"Yeah, yeah. Said Harry not listening. I just have to go find them!" said Harry, not listening.
As Harry ran upstairs, Ron and Hermione turned to each other.
"Let the idiot find out for himself." They said at the same time. Then they started laughing very maniacally.
Neville came downstairs, looked at them, shrugged, and joined in.
A few first years came down, looked at the three, got scared, and ran away, crying.
***
"Harry looked around his dormitory room." Said Harry. "He saw no one inside but that idiot Seamus and Dean. He would never admit it to himself, but if Dean was a girl, he'd totally date him... her."
To Harry's surprise, Seamus brushed past him, looking highly affronted, and Dean rushed past him, looking at him like he was an alien.
Brushing it off, Harry tore open his bed curtain. No one was there. Breathing a sigh of relief, Harry went back downstairs.
Ron, Hermione, and Neville were all there, laughing evilly. Harry looked at them like they were crazy, and then saw Ginny in a corner.
"GINNY! SHOUTED HARRY!" shouted Harry.
"What is it, Harry?" Ginny said sweetly.
"DON'T YOU WHAT IS IT ME, I KNOW WHAT YOU DID! SHOUTED HARRY, TRYING NOT TO LOOK AT HER TIGHT BUTT!" shouted Harry, trying not to look at her tight butt. "AS MUCH AS HE HATED HER AT THE MOMENT, HE HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE HAD A GREAT BUTT, AND HE JUST HOPED RON WOULDN'T FIND OUT!" shouted Harry for all of the common room to hear.
Ginny just froze in horror, and Ron, Hermione, and Neville all stopped laughing, and turned to gape at Harry.
"You... YOU'VE BEEN CHECKING OUT MY SISTER!?!" shouted Ron, striding over to Harry.
"No, no I haven't, Ron, what gave you that idea!? Lied Harry, sweating. How did Ron find out that he had secretly been trying to catch glimpses of Ginny's butt ever since she came to this school!?" said Harry.
"YOU SON OF A- THIS IS MY SISTER!!!" screamed Ron. Ginny ran away to the girls' dormitory.
"And then Harry realized that the 'misplaced quo'tes spell hadn't worn off." Said Harry, who had just realized that the "misplaced quo"tes spell hadn't worn off.
Ron just looked at Harry like he was an alien, and then ran to his bed.
Harry, very embarrassed now, turned to Hermione.
"Harry..." said Hermione, "You just blew it."
"Yes I did. Said Harry, sheepishly turning away." Said Harry, sheepishly turning away.
***
Well, that definitely was an unorthodox chapter. But next chapter: More Quidditch!
Do you think this story is funny? Do you think it is not funny? Are you undecided? Do you not care? Do you like pie? Do you breathe?
If your answer is yes, no, or maybe to any of the above questions, review.
Help the dream come true!
That's the dream of 100 reviews. Did I tell you about this before?