AN:  Warning!  This chapter is not pleasant… at all.  There's crude, often unnecessary, language.  There's violence, drug references, and even more language.  This fic is rated R for a reason.  (Reason: The rating won't go any higher.  J/K… or am I?)

AN2:  Warning!  Naraku is a bastard.

Chapter 28: Despair

"Kana?  Where are you?  Can you hear me?"  I called, leaning further over the edge.  I could see all the way to the ground and I forced myself to swallow. 

The platform that Naraku had formed by raising the rock of the earth out of the ground, was not a smooth, straight drop.  It was jagged, with many out cropping and small cliffs.  Surrounding the base, sharp, jagged rocks pointed towards the sky, ready to slice anything that fell on them.

The drop was seven stories, or there a bouts, and, at the bottom of my heart, I knew that Kana's frail body would never have withstood the fall and subsequent landing.  I imagined her tiny, limp, child-like body rolling and tumbling to her certain death on the rocks below. 

"Kana?  Can you hear me?!  KANA!"  I screamed, begging someone to answer.

"Kagura."  I heard Sesshomaru begin, but I didn't want to hear him finish.  Hurriedly whipping the tears from my eyes, I looked up at the others.

"Did anyone see where she fell?"  I asked and everyone, even Sesshomaru shook their head.

I looked back out over the forest below, and gave one last desperate shout.

"KANA!"  I screamed in agony, trying not to remember.  I kept seeing Kana tipping over the edge and plummeting to the ground.  She hadn't even screamed as she had fallen.  I had tried to grab her; I had tried to save her the way Kohaku's sister and the woman doctor had done to their friends.  But I hadn't been able to.  I hadn't managed to grab her in time.  I had failed.

I looked at the earth beneath my clenched hand and bit my lip roughly.  I could see the tears welling up in my eyes and a tear dropped onto the dry earth of the platform to make a small dark area.  I sniffed and another tear fell and then another.

"Aww."  I could hear Naraku taunting me.  "Did my poor whore lose something?  Was it important, Kagura?  Are you upset?"

"Shut up."  I whispered.

"What was that?  Speak up."

"I said…  SHUT UP!"  I screamed as I stumbled quickly to my feet and walked towards him.  "You bastard.  You killed her.  You killed my sister, you fucking son of a bitch!"

I knew I was quickly becoming irrational, but I couldn't stop the anger that was rising in me.  My tears were blurring my vision and my breathing was becoming erratic and ragged.

"I'm going to kill you.  I'm going to paint Kana's grave site with your blood!" I swore, meaning every word.

"Poor whore.  You're in pain."  Naraku snickered, not at all worried about my death threats.  "You know I can give you something for that pain.  It's easy to fix the pain that's eating away at your heart.  All you need to say is a word… and this little bag of 'stuff' is all yours."

I immediately felt my breath hitch in my throat.  Stuff; Naraku had cocaine.

"That's right, Kagura.  One sniff and it's all gone.  Every single pain can disappear."  Naraku smiled, and I whipped away my tears to look at him.  Sure enough, dangling between his thumb and forefinger, was a small, clear, plastic bag filled with beautiful white powder.

"Kagura."  I heard Sesshomaru's voice from behind me.  "Leave now and grieve for your sister alone."

"Come to me, whore."  Naraku offered.  "One sniff… and the tabs on me."

I looked from his face to the plastic bag and back at his face.  Wanting to cry out in pain, I winced, for I knew I could feel my soul ripping in two.  One half wanted to rip out Naraku's tongue and feed it to a dog, before I killed him slowly.  I wanted him to die for killing Kana.  I wanted him to know the pain I felt inside, and I wanted to be the one to cause it.

But the other half of my heart… desperately wanted the peace and joy that I knew the white powder could give me.  I wanted to fly away from everything that surrounded me.  I wanted to sit with Kana again and I wanted to remember the old times.  The days before my addiction and my hell.  Those days—the ones still fixed firmly in my memory—were my haven.  How I wanted to return to them and I knew that the powder could take me there.

And I knew it was wrong.  I knew he had killed Kana.  I knew it was dangerous, but the powder called to me.  I could almost smell it in the air.  It beckoned and called to me and I took a step forward.

"That's it.  Come to me.  It's all right."  Naraku smiled.  I nodded and, keeping my eyes fixed on the packet in his hands, I took a step forward. 

"Kagura; take one more step and you'll regret it."  Sesshomaru warned, but I couldn't stop.  The need and desire for the pleasure and bliss was too strong.  It overwhelmed everything.  Even my love for Kana.  I wanted to stop, but I could feel my legs moving  Suddenly, there was a sharp pain from behind as something smashed into my head.  I stiffened and my muscles became limp.

'Someone must have hit a pressure point.'  I mused as I felt my knees bend.  My head tipped my body backwards, and I could feel a single strong hand steady me.  The hand slowly eased me onto my back so that I was gazing up at the sky and could see nothing but the large expanses of cloud with their pre-storm gray tints.

"I warned you, Kagura."  I heard Sesshomaru sniff disdainfully.  "Now, go to sleep.  Sleep off the pain."

I tried to form words, but my mouth and tongue would not work.

"Sleep, Kagura!"  Sesshomaru commanded harshly, and, as I watched, two fingers pressed down on my eyelids, forcing my eyes to close.

'Sleep he says.'  I laughed to myself.  'How can I?'

Of course, as I though of what an impossibility actually falling sleep was, I felt my mind slip backwards into nothing.