Here we go again.
HOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLY...
HOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLY...
HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY...
Dang, I forgot what I was going to say again.
BUT WHO CARES, AGAIN!? NOT ME!!! FOR I HAVE 217 REVIEWS!!! THAT'S OVER 200, FOLKS! AND I CAN ACTUALLY READ THEM NOW!!! WHOOOOO HHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! PARTY TIME!
Five hours later...
*~*~*
Huh? What's that? Sorry, I fell asleep. Oh yeah, PARTY TIME!
Five seconds later...
*~*~*
What a short party.
Anyway, for all of you who thought my story wouldn't make it, which amounts to about -17 people, here are 12 words for you.
WHAT NOW!? OH, YEAH!
Why am I talking to negative 17 people?
*~*~* (Isn't this a cool symbol-thingy?)
Anyway, SORRYSORRYSORRY for taking so long updating. Writing a 3,000+ word chapter does cause this.
Anyway, you've waited for it, so now I'm going to give you the second-to- last chapter!
In this chapter... some stuff happens!
And it hurts! To taunt the ice cream man, that is. I should know.
Disclaimer: What you will hear next is a lie.
I own the character of Harry Potter.
*~*~*
Voldemort examined Dumbledore, took in every detail of his body, from top to bottom. Hatred shone from the old man's every wrinkle. Hatred for the picture of a badly-painted house next to him, that is.
"I hate this picture..." seethed Dumbledore at the picture of a badly-painted house. "Huh? Oh, sorry, we're supposed to battle, right?"
"Yes..." said Voldemort with distinct annoyance.
"Okay!" Dumbledore turned, and crouched down a bit. Harry was surprised that Dumbledore could even crouch. He raised his wand-
Voldemort raised his-
Dumbledore raised his higher-
Voldemort raised his even higher-
Dumbledore raised his higher again-
Voldemort raised HIS higher again-
Dumbledore, HIGHER!
Voldemort, HIIIGHER!
Dumbledore, higher STILL!
Voldemort, even HIGHER STILL!!!
"Why... are... we... doing... this... Tom?" grunted Dumbledore, with obvious effort, as he was as high as he could get, with his arms stretched out towards the ceiling."
"Because..." responded Voldemort, "I... don't... know..."
"YOU IDIOTS!" Harry blurted out. He covered his mouth instantly, but the damage had been done.
Hermione had jumped, surprised at the comment, into Ron, who then fell into the first of a number of stands that were poorly arranged (AND SHAPED!) like dominoes. They all fell down, one after the other, and when they fell down, they all cracked and split. Each one was worth (and NOT insured for) 70 Galleons.
Or 2030 sickles, whichever sounds less depressing.
Oh, yeah, and Dumbledore and Voldemort had (very mysteriously, of course) gone temporarily deaf at the moment. So they didn't hear a word Harry said.
"Can you hear me now?" asked Voldemort.
"Yes." Said Dumbledore.
"Bad."
"Why?" wondered Dumbledore.
"Because of AVADA KEDAVRA!" screamed Voldemort, violently thrusting his wand at Dumbledore.
"Oh, that's why." Said Dumbledore, calmly dodging the spell.
"How do you do that!?" grunted Voldemort in frustration.
"Ha!" said Dumbledore quickly, flicking his wand out.
Very quickly, of course, a mini-whirlwind formed from Dumbledore's wand, and spun towards Voldemort. Voldemort's eyes shone with fear, for one brief second, and then he quickly spun around in a complete circle, his cloak whipping around, and deflecting the whirlwind, somehow.
As the whirlwind reversed back at Dumbledore, he made it stop with a flick of his wand, and threw another spell at Voldemort.
But Harry didn't catch the meaning of this spell, for it bounced off of Voldemort's cloak.
"Heh. You insolent fool!" laughed Voldemort, still clutching his cloak tight onto his body. "You tried to distract me with the whirlwind, so you could cast a spell at AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Dumbledore scowled as he avoided this spell by using his expertly concealed web-shooters to shoot a web at the ceiling and zip away, just like Spider-Man.
[Wait, I don't have rights to him, either! So, I'll just avoid all of the law suits (they cost $300, they do!) by changing his name. Okay, the new paragraph that replaces this one reads:]
Dumbledore scowled as he avoided this spell by using his expertly concealed web-shooters to shoot a web at the ceiling and zip away, just like Spider-Ma.
He shook his head while upside-down on the ceiling. Tom just couldn't play it fair and cast killing curses in a predictable pattern. And then he fell off of the ceiling. Dumbledore's not Spider-Ma, you know.
"What was that spell, the one that bounced off of Voldemort's cloak?" whispered Hermione to Harry.
"I don't know!" responded Harry.
"I'm surprised, Albus!" laughed Voldemort, striding over to the now down Dumbledore. "You know that I would have protected by ONLY weakness better! I wouldn't make my cloak penetrable! In fact- IT'S IMPENETRABLE!"
"Then why do you have a seam right on the front that, if cut, will reduce your cloak to mere pieces of cloth in an instant?"
"Be...cause..." Voldemort's face then grew scarlet, which must have been hard, as he had no color in it in the first place.
"SHUT UP, YOU!" shouted Voldemort. And then his anger turned to wonder. "How do YOU know that that's what my seam leads to?"
"I... must admit..." said Dumbledore, now getting up, and looking very sheepish, "That I had been doing a great deal of examining of your cloak when I thought you were Spring... how could I not have memorized every seam..."
Voldemort looked at Dumbledore in horror.
"Oh? Er, that didn't come out the way I hoped it would, now?" said Dumbledore, responding to the look on Voldemort's face. "Anyway, DIFFINDO!"
Voldemort immediately dodged the spell matrix-style.
Yes, matrix-style.
The same way Harry dodged Malfoy's attack in the first Quidditch match.
He's LORD VOLDEMORT, get over it.
Dumbledore ALMOST cursed briefly, and then flat-out charged at Voldemort.
Voldemort used magic to propel himself over Dumbledore, and when landed behind him, he spun around, and muttered, "LASERIUM!"
Immediately, a golden lasso, made out of pure light, shot out from his wand, snaking towards Dumbledore's legs almost too fast for Harry to see. Dumbledore, being Dumbledore, had a counter-curse for it. He conjured a hot dog up from nowhere, and threw it into the path of the lasso. They both vanished with a crack.
"Wait..." said Harry, interrupting the action, "A HOT DOG!? WHAT THE HECK!?"
"Yes, a hot-dog." Said Dumbledore sheepishly. "Well, it worked! You see, lassos are from the west, and a hot dog is from the east... I think... maybe it's the north... oh, who cares. Opposites? They counter each other? Well... it worked..."
Harry and Voldemort just stared at Dumbledore, Harry just realizing how STUPID magic could be.
Taking this moment of pause to his advantage, Dumbledore aimed his wand at the seam in Voldemort's cloak, and shouted-
"DIFFINDO!"
And then something happened that Harry had been hoping he never would have to see.
Voldemort's cloak fell off, and he wasn't wearing anything under it...
Besides a pair of brown boxers, that is.
A pair of shredded up brown boxers.
With the elastic waistband part shredded up, that is.
And his chest was even harrier, and, surprisingly, more wrinkled than Dumbledore's. Even his stomach had its share of hair.
One share = A WHOLE LOT.
"AAH!" screamed Voldemort, bending down to cover his boxers. "MY WEAK SPOT!"
"Didn't need to know that." Said Ron, covering his eyes. Hermione looked strangely... satisfied... for some reason...
Harry slapped her.
Hermione shook her head, came to her senses, and then looked at Voldemort in horror.
"Yes..." breathed Dumbledore... "I've always known that your one true weakness is your dirty pair of boxers... it's what supplied you with your incredible power, isn't it? And that's why you haven't changed then for all of these years!"
"How... do... you... KNOW!?" screamed Voldemort in frustration.
"Tom, Tom, Tom. You should know that I watched you closer than you could have imagined during your term. In fact, the only student I EVER watched closed than you is Harry Potter."
Harry did not feel safe at that statement at all. He felt rather sick.
"I saw when you came across these boxers. I even remember the white color... how I wanted to stroke them..."
"Wait-" said Hermione suddenly, "Aren't his boxers brown, now?"
"Yes." Said Dumbledore simply.
"EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!" squealed Hermione.
"Anyway," continued Dumbledore, "I knew that once you tried them on, you received the potential for your extreme power you have now. Yes, you had to go through these extreme transformations, but your pair of boxers is the only thing that kept you alive through all of them."
"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT A MINUTE!" screamed Harry. "ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT THE CORE POWER OF VOLDEMORT IS IN HIS BOXERS!?!?"
"Why, yes, Harry, how very perceptive of you!"
"THIS IS CRAZY! CRRRRRAAAAZZZZZYYYYY!!!"
"Why yes, Harry, how very perceptive of you!"
Harry just shook his head in amazement.
"Now..." said Dumbledore, "Time for my greatest laundry snatch of all..."
Voldemort's eyes widened.
"Not if I can help it!" he shouted.
Dumbledore smiled. "ACCIO LAUNDRY!" he shouted.
Voldemort used his wand to deflect the spell, (these guys are really good at that!) and then shouted "Protego!"
Dumbledore frowned.
"Ha! A weak spell such as the summoning one will NEVER get through my shield!" laughed Voldemort.
"But a strong one such as the shield-breaker WILL!" said Dumbledore triumphantly.
Voldemort nearly, almost, virtually, practically, just about, but not quite cried.
"PENETRAGO!" bellowed Dumbledore.
Voldemort's shield broke with a very loud snapping sound that somehow DIDN'T alert anyone, anyone at all, to come to the corridor that the two most powerful wizards in the world were battling in.
Voldemort, actually scared now, threw hasty killing curses at Dumbledore. However, they seemed to be curving away at the last minute. Harry thought it had to do with the fact that Dumbledore was concentrating harder than imaginable and had his wand out, flicking it whenever a curse came, but he brushed that thought off.
"Tom, it's OVER!" shouted Dumbledore. "And you know it! Very soon, you'll be in Azkaban, awaiting a trial which you can never win, and I'll have your boxers under my pillow to comfort me at night!"
"NEVER!" shrieked Voldemort, throwing out curses twice as fast.
Dumbledore, now overwhelmed, spun around in a dramatic fashion, and then- his clothes spun by themselves, and then fell to the ground, Dumbledore nowhere in sight!
For a horrible moment, Harry thought Dumbledore was naked, but then he reappeared behind Voldemort, wearing his regular clothes again.
Harry looked from the clothes STILL on the ground, to the clothes Dumbledore was wearing, which were the exact same, and then shook his head. He didn't want an explanation.
"Harry," said Dumbledore, giving Harry an explanation, "The ice cream man does not like to be taunted. He is actually very... well... confused, having to deal with those accursed fumes in the truck..."
"What fumes?" started Harry, but then he regained his senses. "Wait- WHAT ARE YOU EXPLAINING?"
"You didn't want to know how to get the ice cream man on your side?"
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT, I WANTED TO KNOW HOW YOU ESCAPED WITH YOUR CLOTHES IF THEY ARE STILL ON THE GROUND... WAIT, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT-"
"Oh!" said Dumbledore. "Well, Harry, I am in a very fierce battle, and I cannot answer such trivial questions, though I would love to. I'll answer them after this is over."
Harry just stared at Dumbledore in amazement.
"And... you could answer ice cream questions?"
"Yes." Said Dumbledore with a smug grin on his face.
Harry just shook his head again, and sat down.
"DIE!" shouted Voldemort, suddenly coming to life.
"For someone who can't even finish his own sentences before he attacks," said Dumbledore, dodging a new curse just thrown by Voldemort, "You sure do a good job of letting others finish theirs!"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Voldemort.
Dumbledore stopped, and his eyes widened- in fear. Harry, Ron, nor Hermione knew why he had become so worried all of a sudden-
And then, that's when ALL OF VOLDEMORT'S DEATH EATERS APPARATED BY HIS SIDE.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" screamed Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the same time.
"Oh," said Dumbledore, relieved, which was the last thing the trio was feeling at the time.
"OH!? OH!?!?!?" screamed Voldemort. "THESE ARE MY DEATH-EATERS, ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN! I PUT SPELLS ON THEM SO THAT THEY COULD APPARATE WHEREVER I WANTED THEM TO, EVEN IN A PLACE LIKE HOGWARTS!!! I USED THAT SPELL FOR THIS MOMENT, WHEN I WAS SURE THAT I COULD NOT FINISH YOU OFF (not that I'm weaker, of course, but we're about equal) WITHOUT HELP!!!!!!!"
"That's corny."
"SHUT UP!!! THESE ARE SOME OF THE MOST POWERFUL MEN ON THE PLANET!!!"
"Besides all of the Presidents, Prime-Ministers, Queens, Kings, and Stan Le, of course."
"The Queen's not a man- I mean, who's Stan Le?" inquired Voldemort.
"He created Spider-Ma."
"Word."
"But-" started Mr. Malfoy, making a wild gesture-
"Oh, shut up!" said Dumbledore, irritated. He waved his wand, and all of the Death-Eaters fell back, and landed onto the floor, out cold.
"No..." whispered Voldemort, looking around at his fell Death-Eaters. "DUMBLEDORE, THAT'S IT!!!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!! AND WHEN I DO, I'LL KILL HARRY POTTER!!! AND THEN I'LL KILL HERMIONE AND RON (how do I know their names?)!!! AND THEN, I'LL PROBABLY KILL THIS WHOLE SCHOOL!!! AND THEN I'LL KILL ALL OF BRITAIN!!! AND THEN, I'LL KILL THIS WHOLE HEMISPHERE!!! AND THEN, I'LL KILL ALL OF THE OTHER ONES, TOO!!! AND THEN, I'LL KILL EVERYONE WHO'S LEFT, INCLUDING MY DEATH EATERS, BECAUSE I NEVER LIKED THEM, ANYWAY!!! THEN, I'LL BE THE RULER OF A COLD AND EMPTY WORLD, AND I'LL PROBABLY REGRET NOT HAVING PEOPLE TO TORTURE, BUT HEY, I'M BLINDED BY MY ABSOLUTE HATRED NOW!!! AFTERWARDS, I'LL... I DUNNO; BLOW UP THE MOON OR SOMETHING..."
"Accio Laundry." Said Dumbledore lazily.
And that's when Harry heard the ripping sound.
And that's also when EVERY FREAKING PERSON IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL RAN UP INTO THE HALLWAY WHERE THE BATTLE HAD BEEN GOING ON FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES.
McGonagall was the first one to see the totally nude Voldemort. She blushed furiously, and then fainted.
So did many, many, many other people.
"Alas..." said Dumbledore quietly, pocketing the dirty old pair of boxers, "I'm afraid... Tom... that it's over."
Voldemort just gasped at Dumbledore, lost all of the remaining color in his face, and then fainted.
"Hey!" shouted a whole lot of random Aurors that had been randomly walking down a random hall in a random magic school for no good reason. "It's You-Know-Who! And a whole lot of other people we just put in Azkaban! We should arrest them!"
"I don't know..." said one. "Arresting them, especially You-Know-Who would just about end all of the remaining stability of the Harry Potter series... if someone were to write books about him, of course..."
"Just arrest him."
"Yes, Mr. Stan Le."
*~*~*
PHEW! THAT... WAS... TIRING! Anyway, ONE MORE CHAPTER, and this story is OVER! Just one more... one more... one more...
Review.
HOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLY...
HOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLYHOLY...
HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY...
Dang, I forgot what I was going to say again.
BUT WHO CARES, AGAIN!? NOT ME!!! FOR I HAVE 217 REVIEWS!!! THAT'S OVER 200, FOLKS! AND I CAN ACTUALLY READ THEM NOW!!! WHOOOOO HHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! PARTY TIME!
Five hours later...
*~*~*
Huh? What's that? Sorry, I fell asleep. Oh yeah, PARTY TIME!
Five seconds later...
*~*~*
What a short party.
Anyway, for all of you who thought my story wouldn't make it, which amounts to about -17 people, here are 12 words for you.
WHAT NOW!? OH, YEAH!
Why am I talking to negative 17 people?
*~*~* (Isn't this a cool symbol-thingy?)
Anyway, SORRYSORRYSORRY for taking so long updating. Writing a 3,000+ word chapter does cause this.
Anyway, you've waited for it, so now I'm going to give you the second-to- last chapter!
In this chapter... some stuff happens!
And it hurts! To taunt the ice cream man, that is. I should know.
Disclaimer: What you will hear next is a lie.
I own the character of Harry Potter.
*~*~*
Voldemort examined Dumbledore, took in every detail of his body, from top to bottom. Hatred shone from the old man's every wrinkle. Hatred for the picture of a badly-painted house next to him, that is.
"I hate this picture..." seethed Dumbledore at the picture of a badly-painted house. "Huh? Oh, sorry, we're supposed to battle, right?"
"Yes..." said Voldemort with distinct annoyance.
"Okay!" Dumbledore turned, and crouched down a bit. Harry was surprised that Dumbledore could even crouch. He raised his wand-
Voldemort raised his-
Dumbledore raised his higher-
Voldemort raised his even higher-
Dumbledore raised his higher again-
Voldemort raised HIS higher again-
Dumbledore, HIGHER!
Voldemort, HIIIGHER!
Dumbledore, higher STILL!
Voldemort, even HIGHER STILL!!!
"Why... are... we... doing... this... Tom?" grunted Dumbledore, with obvious effort, as he was as high as he could get, with his arms stretched out towards the ceiling."
"Because..." responded Voldemort, "I... don't... know..."
"YOU IDIOTS!" Harry blurted out. He covered his mouth instantly, but the damage had been done.
Hermione had jumped, surprised at the comment, into Ron, who then fell into the first of a number of stands that were poorly arranged (AND SHAPED!) like dominoes. They all fell down, one after the other, and when they fell down, they all cracked and split. Each one was worth (and NOT insured for) 70 Galleons.
Or 2030 sickles, whichever sounds less depressing.
Oh, yeah, and Dumbledore and Voldemort had (very mysteriously, of course) gone temporarily deaf at the moment. So they didn't hear a word Harry said.
"Can you hear me now?" asked Voldemort.
"Yes." Said Dumbledore.
"Bad."
"Why?" wondered Dumbledore.
"Because of AVADA KEDAVRA!" screamed Voldemort, violently thrusting his wand at Dumbledore.
"Oh, that's why." Said Dumbledore, calmly dodging the spell.
"How do you do that!?" grunted Voldemort in frustration.
"Ha!" said Dumbledore quickly, flicking his wand out.
Very quickly, of course, a mini-whirlwind formed from Dumbledore's wand, and spun towards Voldemort. Voldemort's eyes shone with fear, for one brief second, and then he quickly spun around in a complete circle, his cloak whipping around, and deflecting the whirlwind, somehow.
As the whirlwind reversed back at Dumbledore, he made it stop with a flick of his wand, and threw another spell at Voldemort.
But Harry didn't catch the meaning of this spell, for it bounced off of Voldemort's cloak.
"Heh. You insolent fool!" laughed Voldemort, still clutching his cloak tight onto his body. "You tried to distract me with the whirlwind, so you could cast a spell at AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Dumbledore scowled as he avoided this spell by using his expertly concealed web-shooters to shoot a web at the ceiling and zip away, just like Spider-Man.
[Wait, I don't have rights to him, either! So, I'll just avoid all of the law suits (they cost $300, they do!) by changing his name. Okay, the new paragraph that replaces this one reads:]
Dumbledore scowled as he avoided this spell by using his expertly concealed web-shooters to shoot a web at the ceiling and zip away, just like Spider-Ma.
He shook his head while upside-down on the ceiling. Tom just couldn't play it fair and cast killing curses in a predictable pattern. And then he fell off of the ceiling. Dumbledore's not Spider-Ma, you know.
"What was that spell, the one that bounced off of Voldemort's cloak?" whispered Hermione to Harry.
"I don't know!" responded Harry.
"I'm surprised, Albus!" laughed Voldemort, striding over to the now down Dumbledore. "You know that I would have protected by ONLY weakness better! I wouldn't make my cloak penetrable! In fact- IT'S IMPENETRABLE!"
"Then why do you have a seam right on the front that, if cut, will reduce your cloak to mere pieces of cloth in an instant?"
"Be...cause..." Voldemort's face then grew scarlet, which must have been hard, as he had no color in it in the first place.
"SHUT UP, YOU!" shouted Voldemort. And then his anger turned to wonder. "How do YOU know that that's what my seam leads to?"
"I... must admit..." said Dumbledore, now getting up, and looking very sheepish, "That I had been doing a great deal of examining of your cloak when I thought you were Spring... how could I not have memorized every seam..."
Voldemort looked at Dumbledore in horror.
"Oh? Er, that didn't come out the way I hoped it would, now?" said Dumbledore, responding to the look on Voldemort's face. "Anyway, DIFFINDO!"
Voldemort immediately dodged the spell matrix-style.
Yes, matrix-style.
The same way Harry dodged Malfoy's attack in the first Quidditch match.
He's LORD VOLDEMORT, get over it.
Dumbledore ALMOST cursed briefly, and then flat-out charged at Voldemort.
Voldemort used magic to propel himself over Dumbledore, and when landed behind him, he spun around, and muttered, "LASERIUM!"
Immediately, a golden lasso, made out of pure light, shot out from his wand, snaking towards Dumbledore's legs almost too fast for Harry to see. Dumbledore, being Dumbledore, had a counter-curse for it. He conjured a hot dog up from nowhere, and threw it into the path of the lasso. They both vanished with a crack.
"Wait..." said Harry, interrupting the action, "A HOT DOG!? WHAT THE HECK!?"
"Yes, a hot-dog." Said Dumbledore sheepishly. "Well, it worked! You see, lassos are from the west, and a hot dog is from the east... I think... maybe it's the north... oh, who cares. Opposites? They counter each other? Well... it worked..."
Harry and Voldemort just stared at Dumbledore, Harry just realizing how STUPID magic could be.
Taking this moment of pause to his advantage, Dumbledore aimed his wand at the seam in Voldemort's cloak, and shouted-
"DIFFINDO!"
And then something happened that Harry had been hoping he never would have to see.
Voldemort's cloak fell off, and he wasn't wearing anything under it...
Besides a pair of brown boxers, that is.
A pair of shredded up brown boxers.
With the elastic waistband part shredded up, that is.
And his chest was even harrier, and, surprisingly, more wrinkled than Dumbledore's. Even his stomach had its share of hair.
One share = A WHOLE LOT.
"AAH!" screamed Voldemort, bending down to cover his boxers. "MY WEAK SPOT!"
"Didn't need to know that." Said Ron, covering his eyes. Hermione looked strangely... satisfied... for some reason...
Harry slapped her.
Hermione shook her head, came to her senses, and then looked at Voldemort in horror.
"Yes..." breathed Dumbledore... "I've always known that your one true weakness is your dirty pair of boxers... it's what supplied you with your incredible power, isn't it? And that's why you haven't changed then for all of these years!"
"How... do... you... KNOW!?" screamed Voldemort in frustration.
"Tom, Tom, Tom. You should know that I watched you closer than you could have imagined during your term. In fact, the only student I EVER watched closed than you is Harry Potter."
Harry did not feel safe at that statement at all. He felt rather sick.
"I saw when you came across these boxers. I even remember the white color... how I wanted to stroke them..."
"Wait-" said Hermione suddenly, "Aren't his boxers brown, now?"
"Yes." Said Dumbledore simply.
"EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!" squealed Hermione.
"Anyway," continued Dumbledore, "I knew that once you tried them on, you received the potential for your extreme power you have now. Yes, you had to go through these extreme transformations, but your pair of boxers is the only thing that kept you alive through all of them."
"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT A MINUTE!" screamed Harry. "ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT THE CORE POWER OF VOLDEMORT IS IN HIS BOXERS!?!?"
"Why, yes, Harry, how very perceptive of you!"
"THIS IS CRAZY! CRRRRRAAAAZZZZZYYYYY!!!"
"Why yes, Harry, how very perceptive of you!"
Harry just shook his head in amazement.
"Now..." said Dumbledore, "Time for my greatest laundry snatch of all..."
Voldemort's eyes widened.
"Not if I can help it!" he shouted.
Dumbledore smiled. "ACCIO LAUNDRY!" he shouted.
Voldemort used his wand to deflect the spell, (these guys are really good at that!) and then shouted "Protego!"
Dumbledore frowned.
"Ha! A weak spell such as the summoning one will NEVER get through my shield!" laughed Voldemort.
"But a strong one such as the shield-breaker WILL!" said Dumbledore triumphantly.
Voldemort nearly, almost, virtually, practically, just about, but not quite cried.
"PENETRAGO!" bellowed Dumbledore.
Voldemort's shield broke with a very loud snapping sound that somehow DIDN'T alert anyone, anyone at all, to come to the corridor that the two most powerful wizards in the world were battling in.
Voldemort, actually scared now, threw hasty killing curses at Dumbledore. However, they seemed to be curving away at the last minute. Harry thought it had to do with the fact that Dumbledore was concentrating harder than imaginable and had his wand out, flicking it whenever a curse came, but he brushed that thought off.
"Tom, it's OVER!" shouted Dumbledore. "And you know it! Very soon, you'll be in Azkaban, awaiting a trial which you can never win, and I'll have your boxers under my pillow to comfort me at night!"
"NEVER!" shrieked Voldemort, throwing out curses twice as fast.
Dumbledore, now overwhelmed, spun around in a dramatic fashion, and then- his clothes spun by themselves, and then fell to the ground, Dumbledore nowhere in sight!
For a horrible moment, Harry thought Dumbledore was naked, but then he reappeared behind Voldemort, wearing his regular clothes again.
Harry looked from the clothes STILL on the ground, to the clothes Dumbledore was wearing, which were the exact same, and then shook his head. He didn't want an explanation.
"Harry," said Dumbledore, giving Harry an explanation, "The ice cream man does not like to be taunted. He is actually very... well... confused, having to deal with those accursed fumes in the truck..."
"What fumes?" started Harry, but then he regained his senses. "Wait- WHAT ARE YOU EXPLAINING?"
"You didn't want to know how to get the ice cream man on your side?"
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT, I WANTED TO KNOW HOW YOU ESCAPED WITH YOUR CLOTHES IF THEY ARE STILL ON THE GROUND... WAIT, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT-"
"Oh!" said Dumbledore. "Well, Harry, I am in a very fierce battle, and I cannot answer such trivial questions, though I would love to. I'll answer them after this is over."
Harry just stared at Dumbledore in amazement.
"And... you could answer ice cream questions?"
"Yes." Said Dumbledore with a smug grin on his face.
Harry just shook his head again, and sat down.
"DIE!" shouted Voldemort, suddenly coming to life.
"For someone who can't even finish his own sentences before he attacks," said Dumbledore, dodging a new curse just thrown by Voldemort, "You sure do a good job of letting others finish theirs!"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Voldemort.
Dumbledore stopped, and his eyes widened- in fear. Harry, Ron, nor Hermione knew why he had become so worried all of a sudden-
And then, that's when ALL OF VOLDEMORT'S DEATH EATERS APPARATED BY HIS SIDE.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" screamed Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the same time.
"Oh," said Dumbledore, relieved, which was the last thing the trio was feeling at the time.
"OH!? OH!?!?!?" screamed Voldemort. "THESE ARE MY DEATH-EATERS, ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN! I PUT SPELLS ON THEM SO THAT THEY COULD APPARATE WHEREVER I WANTED THEM TO, EVEN IN A PLACE LIKE HOGWARTS!!! I USED THAT SPELL FOR THIS MOMENT, WHEN I WAS SURE THAT I COULD NOT FINISH YOU OFF (not that I'm weaker, of course, but we're about equal) WITHOUT HELP!!!!!!!"
"That's corny."
"SHUT UP!!! THESE ARE SOME OF THE MOST POWERFUL MEN ON THE PLANET!!!"
"Besides all of the Presidents, Prime-Ministers, Queens, Kings, and Stan Le, of course."
"The Queen's not a man- I mean, who's Stan Le?" inquired Voldemort.
"He created Spider-Ma."
"Word."
"But-" started Mr. Malfoy, making a wild gesture-
"Oh, shut up!" said Dumbledore, irritated. He waved his wand, and all of the Death-Eaters fell back, and landed onto the floor, out cold.
"No..." whispered Voldemort, looking around at his fell Death-Eaters. "DUMBLEDORE, THAT'S IT!!!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!! AND WHEN I DO, I'LL KILL HARRY POTTER!!! AND THEN I'LL KILL HERMIONE AND RON (how do I know their names?)!!! AND THEN, I'LL PROBABLY KILL THIS WHOLE SCHOOL!!! AND THEN I'LL KILL ALL OF BRITAIN!!! AND THEN, I'LL KILL THIS WHOLE HEMISPHERE!!! AND THEN, I'LL KILL ALL OF THE OTHER ONES, TOO!!! AND THEN, I'LL KILL EVERYONE WHO'S LEFT, INCLUDING MY DEATH EATERS, BECAUSE I NEVER LIKED THEM, ANYWAY!!! THEN, I'LL BE THE RULER OF A COLD AND EMPTY WORLD, AND I'LL PROBABLY REGRET NOT HAVING PEOPLE TO TORTURE, BUT HEY, I'M BLINDED BY MY ABSOLUTE HATRED NOW!!! AFTERWARDS, I'LL... I DUNNO; BLOW UP THE MOON OR SOMETHING..."
"Accio Laundry." Said Dumbledore lazily.
And that's when Harry heard the ripping sound.
And that's also when EVERY FREAKING PERSON IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL RAN UP INTO THE HALLWAY WHERE THE BATTLE HAD BEEN GOING ON FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES.
McGonagall was the first one to see the totally nude Voldemort. She blushed furiously, and then fainted.
So did many, many, many other people.
"Alas..." said Dumbledore quietly, pocketing the dirty old pair of boxers, "I'm afraid... Tom... that it's over."
Voldemort just gasped at Dumbledore, lost all of the remaining color in his face, and then fainted.
"Hey!" shouted a whole lot of random Aurors that had been randomly walking down a random hall in a random magic school for no good reason. "It's You-Know-Who! And a whole lot of other people we just put in Azkaban! We should arrest them!"
"I don't know..." said one. "Arresting them, especially You-Know-Who would just about end all of the remaining stability of the Harry Potter series... if someone were to write books about him, of course..."
"Just arrest him."
"Yes, Mr. Stan Le."
*~*~*
PHEW! THAT... WAS... TIRING! Anyway, ONE MORE CHAPTER, and this story is OVER! Just one more... one more... one more...
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