Hikari: My first official Spike fic, ah what a beautiful sight.
Spike: If by beautiful you mean ugly, than I agree fully!
Hikari: Unfortunately the beauty has to be marred by the most annoying being in the universe.
Spike: Funny, I don't see Xander anyway.
Hikari:..I was talking about you moron.
Spike: I was perfectly aware of that.
Hikari: Well, Hello all my readers!!!
*Crickets sound in the background*
Hikari: ah..Hello my few readers!!
*Insert previous statement here*
Hikari: Hello, um, my, one reader?
*Miss.Perfect's Shadow claps hysterically in the empty audience*
Spike: Oh look. A fan. Bloody miraculous, considering your writing skills.
Hikari: At least I don't write poetry about "love effulgent"
Spike..shut-up _
Random Amanganth: Hikari does not own anything mentioned in this fanfiction except for me, so anybody out there looking for money, don't sue us. Instead, send your children to Micheal Jackson's Ranch, where they will have a wondeful time!!!!
***********************************************************************
World Domination is a pain in the ass.
Oh sure, the burning and pillaging is just loads of fun, and you can't forget the rape, but then along comes a bloody slayer and it all falls to pieces. Or, in my case, dust. Yes, ladies and gents, I am a vampire. Known to the world as William the Bloody, the scourge of Europe. Nowadays just Spike. Stuck in a town called Sunnydale which is hell on earth. Literally, considering it's situated right above a hellmouth, which brought me n' Dru here in the first place. Oh, and to top off this immense pile of doom and catastrophe, there's a Slayer here in Sunnydale. A slayer known as Buffy Summers, blonde, stupid, ugly, and incredibly annoying. Also known to foil every one of my plans, and she just doesn't die! I'm not exaggeratin' here, she was bloody killed by the master about 3 years back, and just sprang back to life, in the not-undead sense. Then there's her trusty sidekick, the great and majestic Poof, a.k.a Angel the souled vampire, defender of all that's good and fluffy. Also, my very own grandsire. But enough of my sad, sensitive, and wildly murderous backstory, let's skip to the here and know.
My name is Spike, and I'm a blonde haired(Bleached, but don't let the slayer and her little pals know that I admit it), blue-eyed evil master vampire, with a god-damned bloody chip in my head that won't let me kill anything but demons. Like an electric conscience, it is. So, I've been reduced from sexy killer of everything good to something almost as bad as Peaches. In straight english, I'm now stuck helpin' out the Slayer and her fanclub in dustin' vamps and killing demons for cash. Bloody near prostitution if you ask me, but as long as I get my smokes and my beer, I can't complain. So, today she stalked me down my graveyard (A real beaut, been abanded for a while so no nasty fledglings to ruin my time) and demanded information of some sorta magical demon which can open up portals to different dimensions. Well, there are only about 65 thousand of those types around, and I was working hard on something of a personal matter, so I told her these things in the nicest way possible.
"I'm busy, fuck off"
"Giles' said we'll pay you if we have to"
"How much"
"Less than you're thinking"
"Please resort to previous statement for answer"
"Spike"
"Oh, I'm so intimidated Slayer. Frowning with dissapointment at me is really making my blood run cold. If I had any."
"I'm not in a good mood right now Spike, you don't want to piss me off"
"Oh boo hoo, I really feel for you slayer, butI don't quite feel like socializing today, so go scarper back to your little friends and relay this message for them: Fuck the hell off, yours truly, Spike."
"How about I tell them 'I'm sorry, Spike couldn't tell me anything, since he was unfortunately beaten into a bloody, broken pulp. And dead. And staked'"
"Hit defenseless vampires now, do you Slayer?" "Only if they're really ugly, and go by the name of Spike"
"Ooh, snap"
"Either you give the information and get richer than usual, or you don't give the information and wind up scattered across the floor in a dust-like state"
"Alright, alright, no need to get violent. Bloody nice of me to put my life on hold for you"
"What life?"
"One that's way more interesting than yours"
"I'm sure. Now hurry up, we have to get back to the library before sunrise. I'd normally love for you to be burned to a crisp, but I don't think Giles would appreciate not getting any info. Time's a wasting!"
And that's how I wound up joining the forces of good in a demon-hunt that would later change my un-life forever. All for a measly twenty bucks. And I had to deal with lovely Angel, the little ray of sunshine, as well as Xander the whelp, and Giles the stuffy know-it-all, and the two lezzie witches groping each other all over the place, and the little bit poking through my stuff, and, of course the ever annoying Buffy. Y'know what? I seriously think I got gipped on this one. Bloody hell!
Spike: If by beautiful you mean ugly, than I agree fully!
Hikari: Unfortunately the beauty has to be marred by the most annoying being in the universe.
Spike: Funny, I don't see Xander anyway.
Hikari:..I was talking about you moron.
Spike: I was perfectly aware of that.
Hikari: Well, Hello all my readers!!!
*Crickets sound in the background*
Hikari: ah..Hello my few readers!!
*Insert previous statement here*
Hikari: Hello, um, my, one reader?
*Miss.Perfect's Shadow claps hysterically in the empty audience*
Spike: Oh look. A fan. Bloody miraculous, considering your writing skills.
Hikari: At least I don't write poetry about "love effulgent"
Spike..shut-up _
Random Amanganth: Hikari does not own anything mentioned in this fanfiction except for me, so anybody out there looking for money, don't sue us. Instead, send your children to Micheal Jackson's Ranch, where they will have a wondeful time!!!!
***********************************************************************
World Domination is a pain in the ass.
Oh sure, the burning and pillaging is just loads of fun, and you can't forget the rape, but then along comes a bloody slayer and it all falls to pieces. Or, in my case, dust. Yes, ladies and gents, I am a vampire. Known to the world as William the Bloody, the scourge of Europe. Nowadays just Spike. Stuck in a town called Sunnydale which is hell on earth. Literally, considering it's situated right above a hellmouth, which brought me n' Dru here in the first place. Oh, and to top off this immense pile of doom and catastrophe, there's a Slayer here in Sunnydale. A slayer known as Buffy Summers, blonde, stupid, ugly, and incredibly annoying. Also known to foil every one of my plans, and she just doesn't die! I'm not exaggeratin' here, she was bloody killed by the master about 3 years back, and just sprang back to life, in the not-undead sense. Then there's her trusty sidekick, the great and majestic Poof, a.k.a Angel the souled vampire, defender of all that's good and fluffy. Also, my very own grandsire. But enough of my sad, sensitive, and wildly murderous backstory, let's skip to the here and know.
My name is Spike, and I'm a blonde haired(Bleached, but don't let the slayer and her little pals know that I admit it), blue-eyed evil master vampire, with a god-damned bloody chip in my head that won't let me kill anything but demons. Like an electric conscience, it is. So, I've been reduced from sexy killer of everything good to something almost as bad as Peaches. In straight english, I'm now stuck helpin' out the Slayer and her fanclub in dustin' vamps and killing demons for cash. Bloody near prostitution if you ask me, but as long as I get my smokes and my beer, I can't complain. So, today she stalked me down my graveyard (A real beaut, been abanded for a while so no nasty fledglings to ruin my time) and demanded information of some sorta magical demon which can open up portals to different dimensions. Well, there are only about 65 thousand of those types around, and I was working hard on something of a personal matter, so I told her these things in the nicest way possible.
"I'm busy, fuck off"
"Giles' said we'll pay you if we have to"
"How much"
"Less than you're thinking"
"Please resort to previous statement for answer"
"Spike"
"Oh, I'm so intimidated Slayer. Frowning with dissapointment at me is really making my blood run cold. If I had any."
"I'm not in a good mood right now Spike, you don't want to piss me off"
"Oh boo hoo, I really feel for you slayer, butI don't quite feel like socializing today, so go scarper back to your little friends and relay this message for them: Fuck the hell off, yours truly, Spike."
"How about I tell them 'I'm sorry, Spike couldn't tell me anything, since he was unfortunately beaten into a bloody, broken pulp. And dead. And staked'"
"Hit defenseless vampires now, do you Slayer?" "Only if they're really ugly, and go by the name of Spike"
"Ooh, snap"
"Either you give the information and get richer than usual, or you don't give the information and wind up scattered across the floor in a dust-like state"
"Alright, alright, no need to get violent. Bloody nice of me to put my life on hold for you"
"What life?"
"One that's way more interesting than yours"
"I'm sure. Now hurry up, we have to get back to the library before sunrise. I'd normally love for you to be burned to a crisp, but I don't think Giles would appreciate not getting any info. Time's a wasting!"
And that's how I wound up joining the forces of good in a demon-hunt that would later change my un-life forever. All for a measly twenty bucks. And I had to deal with lovely Angel, the little ray of sunshine, as well as Xander the whelp, and Giles the stuffy know-it-all, and the two lezzie witches groping each other all over the place, and the little bit poking through my stuff, and, of course the ever annoying Buffy. Y'know what? I seriously think I got gipped on this one. Bloody hell!