Alright, I know I said mid-December for this chapter and it's the beginning
of January, but it just turned out that way. I not only had writer's
block, I have also been drowned with homework. I've been pushing myself to
write, and that's an understatement because I did not like writing this
chapter knowing I could end up ruining this if I wasn't careful. But it
needs to be here.
Anyway... I absolutely HAVE to thank two people right now, because you
helped me soooo much!
I want to thank Braycat and Redhead for this chapter. I was so horribly stuck until Braycat reminded me that I never told you all why Archer hadn't talked to them in a long time, did I? That will be explained soon. ^_^ Thanks so much, because until that point, it was kind of just going to be mentioned, and just the reminder itself got my mind working again. And Redhead- there isn't one specific thing I can pick out which helped me the most- it all was great!
Enjoy, and don't forget to review! (And yes, I know that intro was long! ^^;;;)
Chapter 3
An Old Friend
It took me a while to realize that I had been staring at the wall for about ten minutes trying to remember my past, and that the screen on the computer had gone black a while ago. I felt like my heart had been taken from my body, and I began to feel warm tears filling my eyes. The memories I had spent so much of my life trying to forget were coming back to me all at once, and they weren't going to stop.
I was mad at myself at first for remembering all of this, then mad because I made myself ignore it all to begin with. I wanted so badly to just run downstairs and hug my father, tell him how sorry I was, clear my conscience. Maybe then, for once, I would let these tears fall, and end the aching inside that I remembered all too well.
But I stopped myself from going downstairs. I couldn't add my pain to his own. I couldn't remind him of everything that has been consuming his happiness over these years, and make him fall further away from everyone he loves. And how could I ever know how he felt? I realized it must have been how I was feeling right then: as though my world was sinking, and I couldn't move.
I knew I had to do something. I couldn't just sit there and watch his spirit die.
I knew then that I had to leave and talk to someone- anyone. I held my breath and walked downstairs, hoping he wouldn't ask where I was going. I was never good at lying. But he wasn't there, and it surprised me. He had made such a big deal about me coming back home, and it seemed odd for him to leave without a word two days after I arrived. But I realized that I spent all day up in the attic so far, and left him downstairs alone. I mentally scolded myself for doing so, knowing that in the process of my attempt to help him, I had most likely hurt him.
There wasn't much I could do about it with him gone, so I just left a note saying that I had gone to see a friend, and that I would be back by evening at latest. I wondered if this was a good idea, knowing that I had only recently started talking to this person again. My company wasn't exactly expected, and might not be appreciated. But I went anyway.
As I walked out the door, the humid summer air hit my face and surrounded me like a warm blanket. I let the rays of the sun try to comfort me as I walked to my car, though they did not. The brightness hurt my eyes a bit after coming out from the dismal light of the attic, but I didn't mind too much.
I sat down and took out the Padd in my purse. I wanted to make sure I had the address right, though I felt as though I were intruding nonetheless. I had only recently begun to talk to her through letters and transmissions again, and still didn't know her all that well- not well enough to invite myself over in the middle of her vacation. But she would understand. She always did.
I pressed the door chime in front of me to the hotel room, and waited for someone to answer. At first I thought no one was there, but just as I was about to leave, an older woman opened the door. The woman's face lit up at once when she saw me.
"K'Ela!" she greeted me happily.
"Hi, Hoshi." I was relieved that she wanted to see me. "I'm sorry for coming without sayin' anything first..."
"No, no, it's fine," she assured me with a smile. "Come in," she said, gesturing for me to come in and sit. We sat down at the other end of the hotel room on two green chairs by the windows, and after a short pause, Hoshi spoke. "Wow... I haven't seen you in a long time. Last time I saw you, you were... nine."
I smiled. I always remembered her visits, and was sad when she told us that day that she couldn't come anymore. She lived a long way away, and she had her own family to take care of. She would always talk to us, even though she couldn't come in person, but I missed her. Seeing her face again made me happy, though she was much older now than when I first knew her.
Finally she noticed that I was practically covered in dust. She forced back a large grin, however, was failing to do so. "What happened?"
I looked at my clothes, and brushed some of the dust off of me. "I was up in the attic for a while before I came."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I was... actually, I was lookin' through some of my dad's boxes," I said as though I were guilty of a crime and finally admitting to it. I didn't know if I should have interrupted a nice visit with sad news like this, but it was already said, and there was no way to erase that moment.
She knew very well where I was going by telling her that. "K'Ela, I... Maybe you should talk to *him* first."
"Hoshi, I've tried," I pleaded. "He doesn't want to talk about any of it- and I understand-... but I can't really help him if I don't even know what's wrong."
A look of concern crossed her face. "He isn't doing well?"
"He's just really quiet lately. I don't know why. And I don't know *why*, if he was doin' fine for so long, he's gettin' worse again." I was so scared for him, and Hoshi could see it in my eyes.
"I doubt anyone would know why. He was always the kind of person to keep whatever was bothering him to himself, and no matter what it was, he would have a smile on that would brighten up the room."
I nodded sadly, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. "I want t' help him."
Hoshi stared at me for a few seconds, probably unsure if she should be the one to tell me this painful history, then sighed. "If you want me to tell you, I'll tell you. But I really want *him* to be the one..." She shook her head in disappointment and frustration at her inability to explain.
"I know." I knew that she wanted my dad to be the one to explain this, because in truth, this isn't something that anyone else should explain. But he was more than unwilling to do so.
He had divulged little bits and pieces of his past to me over my life so far, but I was still blind to the saddest events of his life. I was convinced that my arrival was bittersweet to the point of confusion, and it must have been difficult trying to conceal that from me at such a young age when he was still adjusting. But he did it somehow.
I refrained from asking Hoshi about those events, because they were what she wanted Dad to choose whether or not to speak about. Nevertheless, for the first time in my life I would finally know the true depth of my father's despair.
I smiled at Hoshi, knowing inwardly that I would finally make things better. I would finally be able to make up for his loss.
Everyone please review, because reviews are what authors all live on. As essential as water. So tell me what you thought, and just keep in mind that this chapter sort of just sets up the next one.
I want to thank Braycat and Redhead for this chapter. I was so horribly stuck until Braycat reminded me that I never told you all why Archer hadn't talked to them in a long time, did I? That will be explained soon. ^_^ Thanks so much, because until that point, it was kind of just going to be mentioned, and just the reminder itself got my mind working again. And Redhead- there isn't one specific thing I can pick out which helped me the most- it all was great!
Enjoy, and don't forget to review! (And yes, I know that intro was long! ^^;;;)
Chapter 3
An Old Friend
It took me a while to realize that I had been staring at the wall for about ten minutes trying to remember my past, and that the screen on the computer had gone black a while ago. I felt like my heart had been taken from my body, and I began to feel warm tears filling my eyes. The memories I had spent so much of my life trying to forget were coming back to me all at once, and they weren't going to stop.
I was mad at myself at first for remembering all of this, then mad because I made myself ignore it all to begin with. I wanted so badly to just run downstairs and hug my father, tell him how sorry I was, clear my conscience. Maybe then, for once, I would let these tears fall, and end the aching inside that I remembered all too well.
But I stopped myself from going downstairs. I couldn't add my pain to his own. I couldn't remind him of everything that has been consuming his happiness over these years, and make him fall further away from everyone he loves. And how could I ever know how he felt? I realized it must have been how I was feeling right then: as though my world was sinking, and I couldn't move.
I knew I had to do something. I couldn't just sit there and watch his spirit die.
I knew then that I had to leave and talk to someone- anyone. I held my breath and walked downstairs, hoping he wouldn't ask where I was going. I was never good at lying. But he wasn't there, and it surprised me. He had made such a big deal about me coming back home, and it seemed odd for him to leave without a word two days after I arrived. But I realized that I spent all day up in the attic so far, and left him downstairs alone. I mentally scolded myself for doing so, knowing that in the process of my attempt to help him, I had most likely hurt him.
There wasn't much I could do about it with him gone, so I just left a note saying that I had gone to see a friend, and that I would be back by evening at latest. I wondered if this was a good idea, knowing that I had only recently started talking to this person again. My company wasn't exactly expected, and might not be appreciated. But I went anyway.
As I walked out the door, the humid summer air hit my face and surrounded me like a warm blanket. I let the rays of the sun try to comfort me as I walked to my car, though they did not. The brightness hurt my eyes a bit after coming out from the dismal light of the attic, but I didn't mind too much.
I sat down and took out the Padd in my purse. I wanted to make sure I had the address right, though I felt as though I were intruding nonetheless. I had only recently begun to talk to her through letters and transmissions again, and still didn't know her all that well- not well enough to invite myself over in the middle of her vacation. But she would understand. She always did.
I pressed the door chime in front of me to the hotel room, and waited for someone to answer. At first I thought no one was there, but just as I was about to leave, an older woman opened the door. The woman's face lit up at once when she saw me.
"K'Ela!" she greeted me happily.
"Hi, Hoshi." I was relieved that she wanted to see me. "I'm sorry for coming without sayin' anything first..."
"No, no, it's fine," she assured me with a smile. "Come in," she said, gesturing for me to come in and sit. We sat down at the other end of the hotel room on two green chairs by the windows, and after a short pause, Hoshi spoke. "Wow... I haven't seen you in a long time. Last time I saw you, you were... nine."
I smiled. I always remembered her visits, and was sad when she told us that day that she couldn't come anymore. She lived a long way away, and she had her own family to take care of. She would always talk to us, even though she couldn't come in person, but I missed her. Seeing her face again made me happy, though she was much older now than when I first knew her.
Finally she noticed that I was practically covered in dust. She forced back a large grin, however, was failing to do so. "What happened?"
I looked at my clothes, and brushed some of the dust off of me. "I was up in the attic for a while before I came."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I was... actually, I was lookin' through some of my dad's boxes," I said as though I were guilty of a crime and finally admitting to it. I didn't know if I should have interrupted a nice visit with sad news like this, but it was already said, and there was no way to erase that moment.
She knew very well where I was going by telling her that. "K'Ela, I... Maybe you should talk to *him* first."
"Hoshi, I've tried," I pleaded. "He doesn't want to talk about any of it- and I understand-... but I can't really help him if I don't even know what's wrong."
A look of concern crossed her face. "He isn't doing well?"
"He's just really quiet lately. I don't know why. And I don't know *why*, if he was doin' fine for so long, he's gettin' worse again." I was so scared for him, and Hoshi could see it in my eyes.
"I doubt anyone would know why. He was always the kind of person to keep whatever was bothering him to himself, and no matter what it was, he would have a smile on that would brighten up the room."
I nodded sadly, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. "I want t' help him."
Hoshi stared at me for a few seconds, probably unsure if she should be the one to tell me this painful history, then sighed. "If you want me to tell you, I'll tell you. But I really want *him* to be the one..." She shook her head in disappointment and frustration at her inability to explain.
"I know." I knew that she wanted my dad to be the one to explain this, because in truth, this isn't something that anyone else should explain. But he was more than unwilling to do so.
He had divulged little bits and pieces of his past to me over my life so far, but I was still blind to the saddest events of his life. I was convinced that my arrival was bittersweet to the point of confusion, and it must have been difficult trying to conceal that from me at such a young age when he was still adjusting. But he did it somehow.
I refrained from asking Hoshi about those events, because they were what she wanted Dad to choose whether or not to speak about. Nevertheless, for the first time in my life I would finally know the true depth of my father's despair.
I smiled at Hoshi, knowing inwardly that I would finally make things better. I would finally be able to make up for his loss.
Everyone please review, because reviews are what authors all live on. As essential as water. So tell me what you thought, and just keep in mind that this chapter sort of just sets up the next one.