Alright- Cover my legal butt yet again. Angel, come help your step mom ok you write it while I get the twins ready for bed.
Angel- Ok Cat. So, so Cat won't get into trouble with anyone... Most of these characters belong to Mercedes Lackey and Larry Dixon. The only ones she's responsible for are Shadowflame ('Flame), Darkfire, and Ayren. So, no one sue Cat, we have enough problems.
Cat- Angel! That's not nice but thank you. Now go finish your homework.
Angel- Do I have to?
Cat- Yes. Go. Now. Homework. So sorry about that but she had time and I was busy.
Now onto the fic---
Chapter 8- Reliving the Past
'Flame knew what had happened to herself. She remembered this place from when she had told Darkwind of what had happened to her. This black bleak landscape was a part of her mind. She stood against decimated tree that was standing all alone in a clearing. She looked around at the bleak grays, whites and blacks that dominated the landscape. She knew that if she took the path to the right of her she would go back to the "real world". She stood staring at the path not really sure she wanted to go back. Here at least the pain couldn't reach her. Here at least she could be safe, safer than she had been in a long time.
The only thing she missed were Darkfire and Ayren. They had been with her through most of her bad times.They had sustained her.
She sighed and sat down to lean back against the tree in a more comfortable position. Instead of walking the path she used the landscape to help her think. She used the powers that she had discovered here last time to shape things she wanted to study. Not surprisingly the first thing to stand before her was Firesong. There were two pictures of him: one from before he had been scarred and one from just recently, wearing his mask. The first showed him cocky and vain, self assured at peace with the world. The second showed him so much older, more self-assured without the cockiness, a man at peace with himself. Next to those two pictures stood one of Silverfox. He stood, peaceful, calm and centered, the eye of any storm.
Outlined in red, near them, stood Starfall, wearing the sneer he always had whenever he had seen her. She flinched away from the picture but allowed it to stay. He was part of the problem and so would have to be part of the solution.
Next came a picture of her mother. 'Flame felt tears well in her eyes, here she could let them fall. The woman stood proud and tall, a small smile on her lips that was often reflected in a sardonic way on her son's face. She looked gentle and kind. Warmth radiated from her.
Then came more pictures some more substantial than others. The most substantial were Ayren and Nightfire, the eagle perched easily on the back of the black stallion. Next to them sat Winterhawk, her mother's brother and the man who had raised her. He had tried in his own way to make up for her lack of other family. She held a special spot in her heart for him, even though he hadn't been all that she wanted. He had done his best to raise his sister's child. She loved him in her own way. He had been all the family she'd had for a very long time. When he had been caught in one of the mage storms and killed she had grieved deeply. She still missed him at times, missed what he represented: her little family. All that she had anyways.
Near to him was the Shin'a'in shamaness who had taken her in and allowed her to stay with the clan for two years. And also the one to teach her to ride. 'Flame remembered their disbelief that she couldn't with a chuckle. Soon they'd had her on horseback almost all day and all night every day. She had been the one to say that Darkfire should go with 'Flame when she left. 'Flame had a sad smile on her face. She still missed them but hadn't gone back because she'd been afraid to. She was afraid they would agree with the vales and have nothing to do with her. She missed her innocence. She missed the time when she didn't know why people shunned her. She missed the time of blissful ignorance.
She sighed again and shifted so her position was a little more comfortable. She looked at the pictures of all those who had been so important in her life. There were others here of course but they were ephemeral and had only passed through breifly. The ones who mattered most were of course Darkfire and Ayren, they were the most substantial. In fact, even though her mother stood in front of them, she could see them through her mother.
She looked at them and smiled. They were the only reason she had survived the mage storm. She had felt them pulling her back to the real world, back to her body, back to her heartache. She could feel them pulling now. But now she resisted. She held herself in place, ignoring her family. The only family she had. She loved them but she was tired. She was tired of fighting to make everyone believe she was strong enough to survive everything. She was too drained to go back to living alone. Oh, she loved them, there was no doubt of that. Still, she was alone. She had no human family, no human love to call her own.
'Flame snorted at her own thoughts. She sounded like a love sick child, denied her favorite treat. Her head went back to lay against the tree. Tears rolled down her cheeks unchecked. Life-bonds were rare and she didn't expect one. A friend was all she wanted. Someone she could count on. Someone who knew what it was like to have no where to go, no place to call home. Some one human. That last was the most important. Someone human.
She had never accepted a feather from anyone. In fact she had only been offered one twice. Both times she had turned them down. One had offered out of pity, the other out of curiosity. Neither had offered for *her*, only for what they thought of her. Or what they thought she was.
Her face was now wet and would not be getting drier any time soon. Here she could indulge in her selfpity. Here no one would see the tears fall. There was no one to feel her pain, to burden with her sorrows. She closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to cry and shudder with her own sobs.
When she opened them again the scene before had changed. Instead of family and friends, before her was a forest. She groaned knowing what her mind was showing her. It was going to make her relive that fateful time yet again. She didn't want to. The only way she knew to avoid it though was to walk down that path and back to consciousness. 'Flame wasn't ready to return to them yet.
She watched herself, riding an unChanged Darkfire, weave through the trees, whistling to herself. Two rabbits were draped over her saddle, dinner that night caught earlier. She would save the hide and trade it for some new supplies at the vale. She also some other things in her packs that would also be good trade goods at the vale. She looked up through the trees and smiled at the bright blue cloudless sky overhead. The Star-Eyed had blessed her with beautiful weather these past weeks, nearly cloudless warm days and gentle breezes brushing her face through the soft nights.
'Flame sighed and settled herself deeper into the saddle. Either the next day or the day after she would be able to relax in the warm pools that k'Vala vale boasted. She could hardly wait. Spending so much time in the saddle was unnatural for a Hawkbrother. They were meant to be on the ground or in the air riding with their bondbirds. 'Still',she thought as she descended from horseback. 'I would be lost without Darkfire. He's been more than a mount for me these past five years.'
Stretching her muscles, she started to remove the tack that Darkfire bore without a murmur. She heard him heave a large sigh when the saddle was finally gone. She chuckled to herself and began caring for her tired mount before even starting a fire for her dinner. Once he was groomed and had had a drink in the nearby stream, she gathered her firewood and started the fire with an ease borne of long practice. Once it was going nicely, she staked her rabbits over it allowing them to roast. While they were cooking she worked on the rabbit skins, fleshing them out and stretching them between two trees so they could begin to dry properly.
Once that was done she took a block of wood and a small knife from her saddlebags, glad that she had learned at a young age how to carve. Currrently she was working on a small carving of a gryphon in flight. When it was done she would start another one. The small carvings she could trade to farmers or even merchants for supplies when she didn't want to return to a vale. Often times a carving and a tale had bought her supplies, a meal and a bed in the inn with stabling for Darkfire. Ayren often stayed away those nights in a tree nearby or, if she got a room with a window, he stayed on a small perch she carried with her.
She took care to shave off very little wood with every stroke of her knife. Stopping from time to time to turn her dinner, the gryphon began to take on more and more detail. Soon, she had the feathers roughed in. The basic shape had already appeared several nights before under her knife. After the feathers were roughed in, she began working on the talons and the forelegs. The tail and hind legs she would leave for next to last, just before she did the beak and the face. She sat quietly, the only sounds around her those of the forest settling for the night, her fire, popping and cracking occasionally with the sizzling of the meat acting as a counterpoint, and the snuffling and occassional stomping of Darkfire as he grazed.
It was times like this she missed Ayren, her bond-eagle. At night after she'd set camp and he'd done his hunting for his own dinner, she would often talk to him as though he were another human. She often believed it kept her sane. But, she had sent him on ahead to k'Vala to give them warning that she was coming. She didn't do that very often but this time, since she was so close and there was another bond-eagle there (a female), she had done it. 'Flame sighed and turned the rabbits again they were almost done. She began again on her carving, the talons and forelegs taking on more detail.
When the smell of fully roasted rabbit, began to permeate the clearing, she put away her carving carefully, being sure to wrap the carving in a small fox pelt that she had been using for just that purpose. She took the rabbit off the fire, careful of the dripping grease. Once it was cool she ate it and the apple and pear she had gathered from the forest earlier. Darkfire snuffled her hair as she crunched into her only apple. She pushed him away and held out a pear instead which he took eagerly. 'Flame chuckled and gave him the apple core as well. After she had buried her trash and taken care of a few needs she banked her fire and lay down on her blanket near enough that the fire was warm but not a danger. She rolled up in her blanket and fell asleep, dreaming of a soft bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Outside of Healers, Firesong walked back to the ekele. He had tried to get into see 'Flame but Alberich had denied him. He hadn't used magic to get past him because he felt guilty about his sister. He trudged back to the ekele broken-hearted. 'Flame was lying in Healer's possibly never to wake. Her horse and her bondbird were with her, refusing to leave her side.
Silverfox walked by his side, offering his quiet strength. Darien and Keisha had gone back earlier. They were now at the ekele. Selenay, Talia and their husbands had retired back to the Palace, to await word from Healer's if indeed there would be any. Firesong was very silent. Even the beads on his mask were silent in the still air.
Once back at the ekele, he retreated to his room, throwing himself on the bed. Silverfox had stayed outside for a moment to speak to Darien and Keisha. He took off the elaborate mask and set it on the table beside him. He covered his eyes with an arm, sighing deeply with despair.
Unintentionally, he harmed his sister. Possibly past all redemption. He didn't know what had come over him. Learning her past had seemed all important. Now it just seemed petty. 'Flame had a right to her secrets, just as he did to his. He had pried beyond what she wanted him to know and now she paid the price.
Soft footfalls heralded Silverfox's arrival. Firesong didn't move, not really wanting to speak even to his lover. The bed dipped as Silverfox sat down. He didn't touch Firesong yet, waiting for his love to speak first. "I destroyed her, Silverfox," he whispered quietly. "I destroyed her. She had a right to her own secrets and I ripped those out of her." He was on the verge of tears and didn't care. He rolled away from Silverfox.
Silverfox still did not touch him, knowing he needed time. "You have not destroyed your sister." He shushed Firesong's protest. "Your sister has been through much that no one knew of. You had no idea what would happen if you pushed for an answer." He began to rub Firesong's back, easing out some of the tension there. "There was no way you could have known ashke. You were not with her when it happened."
Firesong wasn't in the mood to be mollified. He got up and began to pace. "I should have known! I was really the only family she had! And I let her down! I allowed her to be ostracized from the vales. I never did anything for her. Darkfire was right even when I could have done anything for her I didn't. Now it may be too late...." Tears that he had fought against began rolling down his scarred cheeks. "I failed her." When his shoulders started to shake, Silverfox enveloped him in a hug and led him back to bed, where Firesong was able to cry out his fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok if you're confused a bit here's the explanation-
'Flame is basically sitting inside her mind, seeing her own past from a third person point of view.
So got it now? Good.
:Would you please post this so we can go to bed now?: *snort* :I'm tired; you're tired; the READERS are tired. Hurry it up.:
Geez he's gotten a bit of a big head lately hasn't he?
So please R&R and tell me what you think. The next few chapters are going to "bounce" a bit between 'Flame's mind and the "real" world.
Push the pretty button guys.
Cat.
Angel- Ok Cat. So, so Cat won't get into trouble with anyone... Most of these characters belong to Mercedes Lackey and Larry Dixon. The only ones she's responsible for are Shadowflame ('Flame), Darkfire, and Ayren. So, no one sue Cat, we have enough problems.
Cat- Angel! That's not nice but thank you. Now go finish your homework.
Angel- Do I have to?
Cat- Yes. Go. Now. Homework. So sorry about that but she had time and I was busy.
Now onto the fic---
Chapter 8- Reliving the Past
'Flame knew what had happened to herself. She remembered this place from when she had told Darkwind of what had happened to her. This black bleak landscape was a part of her mind. She stood against decimated tree that was standing all alone in a clearing. She looked around at the bleak grays, whites and blacks that dominated the landscape. She knew that if she took the path to the right of her she would go back to the "real world". She stood staring at the path not really sure she wanted to go back. Here at least the pain couldn't reach her. Here at least she could be safe, safer than she had been in a long time.
The only thing she missed were Darkfire and Ayren. They had been with her through most of her bad times.They had sustained her.
She sighed and sat down to lean back against the tree in a more comfortable position. Instead of walking the path she used the landscape to help her think. She used the powers that she had discovered here last time to shape things she wanted to study. Not surprisingly the first thing to stand before her was Firesong. There were two pictures of him: one from before he had been scarred and one from just recently, wearing his mask. The first showed him cocky and vain, self assured at peace with the world. The second showed him so much older, more self-assured without the cockiness, a man at peace with himself. Next to those two pictures stood one of Silverfox. He stood, peaceful, calm and centered, the eye of any storm.
Outlined in red, near them, stood Starfall, wearing the sneer he always had whenever he had seen her. She flinched away from the picture but allowed it to stay. He was part of the problem and so would have to be part of the solution.
Next came a picture of her mother. 'Flame felt tears well in her eyes, here she could let them fall. The woman stood proud and tall, a small smile on her lips that was often reflected in a sardonic way on her son's face. She looked gentle and kind. Warmth radiated from her.
Then came more pictures some more substantial than others. The most substantial were Ayren and Nightfire, the eagle perched easily on the back of the black stallion. Next to them sat Winterhawk, her mother's brother and the man who had raised her. He had tried in his own way to make up for her lack of other family. She held a special spot in her heart for him, even though he hadn't been all that she wanted. He had done his best to raise his sister's child. She loved him in her own way. He had been all the family she'd had for a very long time. When he had been caught in one of the mage storms and killed she had grieved deeply. She still missed him at times, missed what he represented: her little family. All that she had anyways.
Near to him was the Shin'a'in shamaness who had taken her in and allowed her to stay with the clan for two years. And also the one to teach her to ride. 'Flame remembered their disbelief that she couldn't with a chuckle. Soon they'd had her on horseback almost all day and all night every day. She had been the one to say that Darkfire should go with 'Flame when she left. 'Flame had a sad smile on her face. She still missed them but hadn't gone back because she'd been afraid to. She was afraid they would agree with the vales and have nothing to do with her. She missed her innocence. She missed the time when she didn't know why people shunned her. She missed the time of blissful ignorance.
She sighed again and shifted so her position was a little more comfortable. She looked at the pictures of all those who had been so important in her life. There were others here of course but they were ephemeral and had only passed through breifly. The ones who mattered most were of course Darkfire and Ayren, they were the most substantial. In fact, even though her mother stood in front of them, she could see them through her mother.
She looked at them and smiled. They were the only reason she had survived the mage storm. She had felt them pulling her back to the real world, back to her body, back to her heartache. She could feel them pulling now. But now she resisted. She held herself in place, ignoring her family. The only family she had. She loved them but she was tired. She was tired of fighting to make everyone believe she was strong enough to survive everything. She was too drained to go back to living alone. Oh, she loved them, there was no doubt of that. Still, she was alone. She had no human family, no human love to call her own.
'Flame snorted at her own thoughts. She sounded like a love sick child, denied her favorite treat. Her head went back to lay against the tree. Tears rolled down her cheeks unchecked. Life-bonds were rare and she didn't expect one. A friend was all she wanted. Someone she could count on. Someone who knew what it was like to have no where to go, no place to call home. Some one human. That last was the most important. Someone human.
She had never accepted a feather from anyone. In fact she had only been offered one twice. Both times she had turned them down. One had offered out of pity, the other out of curiosity. Neither had offered for *her*, only for what they thought of her. Or what they thought she was.
Her face was now wet and would not be getting drier any time soon. Here she could indulge in her selfpity. Here no one would see the tears fall. There was no one to feel her pain, to burden with her sorrows. She closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to cry and shudder with her own sobs.
When she opened them again the scene before had changed. Instead of family and friends, before her was a forest. She groaned knowing what her mind was showing her. It was going to make her relive that fateful time yet again. She didn't want to. The only way she knew to avoid it though was to walk down that path and back to consciousness. 'Flame wasn't ready to return to them yet.
She watched herself, riding an unChanged Darkfire, weave through the trees, whistling to herself. Two rabbits were draped over her saddle, dinner that night caught earlier. She would save the hide and trade it for some new supplies at the vale. She also some other things in her packs that would also be good trade goods at the vale. She looked up through the trees and smiled at the bright blue cloudless sky overhead. The Star-Eyed had blessed her with beautiful weather these past weeks, nearly cloudless warm days and gentle breezes brushing her face through the soft nights.
'Flame sighed and settled herself deeper into the saddle. Either the next day or the day after she would be able to relax in the warm pools that k'Vala vale boasted. She could hardly wait. Spending so much time in the saddle was unnatural for a Hawkbrother. They were meant to be on the ground or in the air riding with their bondbirds. 'Still',she thought as she descended from horseback. 'I would be lost without Darkfire. He's been more than a mount for me these past five years.'
Stretching her muscles, she started to remove the tack that Darkfire bore without a murmur. She heard him heave a large sigh when the saddle was finally gone. She chuckled to herself and began caring for her tired mount before even starting a fire for her dinner. Once he was groomed and had had a drink in the nearby stream, she gathered her firewood and started the fire with an ease borne of long practice. Once it was going nicely, she staked her rabbits over it allowing them to roast. While they were cooking she worked on the rabbit skins, fleshing them out and stretching them between two trees so they could begin to dry properly.
Once that was done she took a block of wood and a small knife from her saddlebags, glad that she had learned at a young age how to carve. Currrently she was working on a small carving of a gryphon in flight. When it was done she would start another one. The small carvings she could trade to farmers or even merchants for supplies when she didn't want to return to a vale. Often times a carving and a tale had bought her supplies, a meal and a bed in the inn with stabling for Darkfire. Ayren often stayed away those nights in a tree nearby or, if she got a room with a window, he stayed on a small perch she carried with her.
She took care to shave off very little wood with every stroke of her knife. Stopping from time to time to turn her dinner, the gryphon began to take on more and more detail. Soon, she had the feathers roughed in. The basic shape had already appeared several nights before under her knife. After the feathers were roughed in, she began working on the talons and the forelegs. The tail and hind legs she would leave for next to last, just before she did the beak and the face. She sat quietly, the only sounds around her those of the forest settling for the night, her fire, popping and cracking occasionally with the sizzling of the meat acting as a counterpoint, and the snuffling and occassional stomping of Darkfire as he grazed.
It was times like this she missed Ayren, her bond-eagle. At night after she'd set camp and he'd done his hunting for his own dinner, she would often talk to him as though he were another human. She often believed it kept her sane. But, she had sent him on ahead to k'Vala to give them warning that she was coming. She didn't do that very often but this time, since she was so close and there was another bond-eagle there (a female), she had done it. 'Flame sighed and turned the rabbits again they were almost done. She began again on her carving, the talons and forelegs taking on more detail.
When the smell of fully roasted rabbit, began to permeate the clearing, she put away her carving carefully, being sure to wrap the carving in a small fox pelt that she had been using for just that purpose. She took the rabbit off the fire, careful of the dripping grease. Once it was cool she ate it and the apple and pear she had gathered from the forest earlier. Darkfire snuffled her hair as she crunched into her only apple. She pushed him away and held out a pear instead which he took eagerly. 'Flame chuckled and gave him the apple core as well. After she had buried her trash and taken care of a few needs she banked her fire and lay down on her blanket near enough that the fire was warm but not a danger. She rolled up in her blanket and fell asleep, dreaming of a soft bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Outside of Healers, Firesong walked back to the ekele. He had tried to get into see 'Flame but Alberich had denied him. He hadn't used magic to get past him because he felt guilty about his sister. He trudged back to the ekele broken-hearted. 'Flame was lying in Healer's possibly never to wake. Her horse and her bondbird were with her, refusing to leave her side.
Silverfox walked by his side, offering his quiet strength. Darien and Keisha had gone back earlier. They were now at the ekele. Selenay, Talia and their husbands had retired back to the Palace, to await word from Healer's if indeed there would be any. Firesong was very silent. Even the beads on his mask were silent in the still air.
Once back at the ekele, he retreated to his room, throwing himself on the bed. Silverfox had stayed outside for a moment to speak to Darien and Keisha. He took off the elaborate mask and set it on the table beside him. He covered his eyes with an arm, sighing deeply with despair.
Unintentionally, he harmed his sister. Possibly past all redemption. He didn't know what had come over him. Learning her past had seemed all important. Now it just seemed petty. 'Flame had a right to her secrets, just as he did to his. He had pried beyond what she wanted him to know and now she paid the price.
Soft footfalls heralded Silverfox's arrival. Firesong didn't move, not really wanting to speak even to his lover. The bed dipped as Silverfox sat down. He didn't touch Firesong yet, waiting for his love to speak first. "I destroyed her, Silverfox," he whispered quietly. "I destroyed her. She had a right to her own secrets and I ripped those out of her." He was on the verge of tears and didn't care. He rolled away from Silverfox.
Silverfox still did not touch him, knowing he needed time. "You have not destroyed your sister." He shushed Firesong's protest. "Your sister has been through much that no one knew of. You had no idea what would happen if you pushed for an answer." He began to rub Firesong's back, easing out some of the tension there. "There was no way you could have known ashke. You were not with her when it happened."
Firesong wasn't in the mood to be mollified. He got up and began to pace. "I should have known! I was really the only family she had! And I let her down! I allowed her to be ostracized from the vales. I never did anything for her. Darkfire was right even when I could have done anything for her I didn't. Now it may be too late...." Tears that he had fought against began rolling down his scarred cheeks. "I failed her." When his shoulders started to shake, Silverfox enveloped him in a hug and led him back to bed, where Firesong was able to cry out his fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok if you're confused a bit here's the explanation-
'Flame is basically sitting inside her mind, seeing her own past from a third person point of view.
So got it now? Good.
:Would you please post this so we can go to bed now?: *snort* :I'm tired; you're tired; the READERS are tired. Hurry it up.:
Geez he's gotten a bit of a big head lately hasn't he?
So please R&R and tell me what you think. The next few chapters are going to "bounce" a bit between 'Flame's mind and the "real" world.
Push the pretty button guys.
Cat.