Thanks to several school projects at once, I had to put off writing.
(Actually, I should have still been doing those projects when I started
writing this, but I couldn't help myself. You can only pull an author away
from her writing for so long!)
Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, and I also *did* fix a little inconsistency that Redhead pointed out (...oops!). That's what happens when I have to put off writing... ^_^
Chapter 4
Hoshi's Story
"He was really sweet," Hoshi told me. Then she added, giggling, "I think he got away with everything he did on Enterprise because of that."
I smiled. Dad was still like that. No matter what he did, all he had to do was give me a look, and I would just laugh and let it go. It reminded me of the time when I was little when he accidentally dyed a white dress of mine pink in the wash. I never liked pink. In fact, at the time, I hated pink. But all he had to do was give me a guilty smile, and suddenly it became my Easter dress.
"He really was nice to me, gave me a lot of courage to do things I never would have done if he wasn't there," she said, turning her deep brown eyes to look into mine. "He had a lot of courage of his own too."
I looked at the floor, guilty, even though what Hoshi said wasn't meant to hurt me.
"He didn't care what anyone said. He loved you. He was willing to listen to whatever anyone said about his decision as long as he had you."
That comforted me a little, knowing that he loved me from the beginning. Even though he didn't tell me much, he did tell me about the difficult, as well as unusual, circumstances of my birth. I still knew nothing of my mother, except for her name, Ah'Len, and I still knew nothing of her impact on my father, or why he refused to speak to me about her. I had to remember not to bring her up with Hoshi. If I said anything, she would stop talking, remembering how she wanted my dad to be the one to tell me all of it.
"What else?" I asked. "What else do you know about him?"
For a split second, I thought I saw a trace of guilt on her face. I could see her searching her mind to find memories of my father, and making sure to avoid those that involved me.
"Hoshi... I know you don't want to talk to me about it, but I doubt he's ever gonna tell me."
"K'Ela, that's just the thing. If he doesn't want to tell you... maybe he has a good reason."
I looked back at her, her eyes sad and her expression apologetic.
"I know you want to help him, but I promised..."
She had promised my dad not to tell me the truth. I couldn't believe it. What was so terrible that no one would tell me? I was about to ask more about Ah'Len, about why Hoshi had promised not to talk to me about my dad's past, about so many unanswered questions, but Hoshi spoke first, seeing me preparing to barrage her with many questions I couldn't even decide between asking.
"We'll come back to that later, okay?" Hoshi asked weakly.
"No, Hoshi, I have to know," I said, more desperately than I intended. "I have to know *something*."
She was torn between two promises, knowing that she would have to break one of them. She stayed silent, biting her lower lip in thought, and watching me- or rather, staring off into space in my general direction. She stayed unmoving in her seat, debating her answer to me, wondering if there was any way to choose a response that wouldn't hurt anyone.
Finally, she sighed, allowing her shoulders to fall limp, giving up at the idea of giving the ideal response. "What do you want to know?" she asked in defeat.
There were so many questions, so many stories I wanted to hear, so many sad memories I *needed* to hear. The question really became not what I wanted to hear, but what I wanted to hear *first*. I had to brace myself, knowing that I was about to hear so many things that would hurt me, so many stories of disappointment. There really was no way to fully be able to prepare myself, but I had asked to hear the truth, and I couldn't turn away now.
"I'm not sure where t' start from," I told her weakly.
"Neither am I..." Hoshi said, shaking her head.
"Well... D'you at least know my mother?" I don't know why I continued to ask about her- I never met her, or knew who she was, and she hadn't ever acknowledged that I was her daughter... so why did she continue to be a question of mine?
Hoshi grimaced. "Not really. No. Your father's the only person who was onboard the Xyrillian ship. I only saw her briefly."
"What exactly happened to her?" My voice caught in my throat. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
"Well... you see... we first met the Xyrillians because they were using our ship's plasma exhaust to fuel their ship, and eventually get home. That's why your dad went over there- to fix their engines."
He told me about that. I remembered hearing that much. He told me about all the malfunctions that were caused by the presence of the cloaked ship, and helping them so they didn't have to use Enterprise to get home.
"But... his repairs didn't last." She looked at the floor away from me, taking a quiet, solemn tone. "When we were finally able to find them again... they had picked the wrong ship to travel with. I'm sure you know about the poor relations between us and the Klingons..."
I nodded.
"The Xyrillian ship was unfortunate enough to choose a Klingon battle- cruiser to help them. All we wanted was to speak to the Xyrillians... get their help..." Her voice faded as she must have begun to remember what happened. "Captain Archer... tried to get the Klingons to let them go..." She shook her head. "They didn't. They allowed for him to make a fool of himself begging, and then..."
She closed her eyes for a moment, forcing herself to go on. "They cut off the transmission. For a second, it seemed like they were going to let them go- they let the ship free from their tractor beam and started to move away. But then they shot at them... and destroyed the ship right in front of us."
I couldn't believe it. From all I previously knew, Ah'Len just died on her ship. He never told me that the entire crew was murdered in front of them. "Oh my God..." I managed to choke out.
"From what I guess... your dad feels responsible."
I guess I always knew Ah'Len was more than just a forgotten past. There was never a mention of her- it was too much of a forced silence for her to have been forgotten.
She allowed me to think in silence for a few seconds before continuing. She asked me quietly, "I know it's hard to think about, but does it help?"
*Did* it really help to hear this? Maybe it didn't help me that much, but it helped my dad, and I was willing to continue. "Yeah."
She put on a forced smile.
I was so glad that I was getting closer to helping him, although a part of me selfishly wanted to know for myself. I couldn't help it. It was so frustrating though, to want to know all of it and want to forget all of it at the same time.
My thoughts were interrupted when we heard a knock on the door, and Hoshi walked over to answer it. When she opened the door, her face paled, and her fingers were almost immediately drawn to pulling at the cuff of her sleeve.
"Trip..."
*gasp!* Did anyone see that coming? I know Redhead got it- great intuition! I wonder what's going to happen next...? Well, OK, *I* know what's going to happen next, but *you'll* just have to wait and see! ^_^ So, everyone review please!
Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, and I also *did* fix a little inconsistency that Redhead pointed out (...oops!). That's what happens when I have to put off writing... ^_^
Chapter 4
Hoshi's Story
"He was really sweet," Hoshi told me. Then she added, giggling, "I think he got away with everything he did on Enterprise because of that."
I smiled. Dad was still like that. No matter what he did, all he had to do was give me a look, and I would just laugh and let it go. It reminded me of the time when I was little when he accidentally dyed a white dress of mine pink in the wash. I never liked pink. In fact, at the time, I hated pink. But all he had to do was give me a guilty smile, and suddenly it became my Easter dress.
"He really was nice to me, gave me a lot of courage to do things I never would have done if he wasn't there," she said, turning her deep brown eyes to look into mine. "He had a lot of courage of his own too."
I looked at the floor, guilty, even though what Hoshi said wasn't meant to hurt me.
"He didn't care what anyone said. He loved you. He was willing to listen to whatever anyone said about his decision as long as he had you."
That comforted me a little, knowing that he loved me from the beginning. Even though he didn't tell me much, he did tell me about the difficult, as well as unusual, circumstances of my birth. I still knew nothing of my mother, except for her name, Ah'Len, and I still knew nothing of her impact on my father, or why he refused to speak to me about her. I had to remember not to bring her up with Hoshi. If I said anything, she would stop talking, remembering how she wanted my dad to be the one to tell me all of it.
"What else?" I asked. "What else do you know about him?"
For a split second, I thought I saw a trace of guilt on her face. I could see her searching her mind to find memories of my father, and making sure to avoid those that involved me.
"Hoshi... I know you don't want to talk to me about it, but I doubt he's ever gonna tell me."
"K'Ela, that's just the thing. If he doesn't want to tell you... maybe he has a good reason."
I looked back at her, her eyes sad and her expression apologetic.
"I know you want to help him, but I promised..."
She had promised my dad not to tell me the truth. I couldn't believe it. What was so terrible that no one would tell me? I was about to ask more about Ah'Len, about why Hoshi had promised not to talk to me about my dad's past, about so many unanswered questions, but Hoshi spoke first, seeing me preparing to barrage her with many questions I couldn't even decide between asking.
"We'll come back to that later, okay?" Hoshi asked weakly.
"No, Hoshi, I have to know," I said, more desperately than I intended. "I have to know *something*."
She was torn between two promises, knowing that she would have to break one of them. She stayed silent, biting her lower lip in thought, and watching me- or rather, staring off into space in my general direction. She stayed unmoving in her seat, debating her answer to me, wondering if there was any way to choose a response that wouldn't hurt anyone.
Finally, she sighed, allowing her shoulders to fall limp, giving up at the idea of giving the ideal response. "What do you want to know?" she asked in defeat.
There were so many questions, so many stories I wanted to hear, so many sad memories I *needed* to hear. The question really became not what I wanted to hear, but what I wanted to hear *first*. I had to brace myself, knowing that I was about to hear so many things that would hurt me, so many stories of disappointment. There really was no way to fully be able to prepare myself, but I had asked to hear the truth, and I couldn't turn away now.
"I'm not sure where t' start from," I told her weakly.
"Neither am I..." Hoshi said, shaking her head.
"Well... D'you at least know my mother?" I don't know why I continued to ask about her- I never met her, or knew who she was, and she hadn't ever acknowledged that I was her daughter... so why did she continue to be a question of mine?
Hoshi grimaced. "Not really. No. Your father's the only person who was onboard the Xyrillian ship. I only saw her briefly."
"What exactly happened to her?" My voice caught in my throat. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
"Well... you see... we first met the Xyrillians because they were using our ship's plasma exhaust to fuel their ship, and eventually get home. That's why your dad went over there- to fix their engines."
He told me about that. I remembered hearing that much. He told me about all the malfunctions that were caused by the presence of the cloaked ship, and helping them so they didn't have to use Enterprise to get home.
"But... his repairs didn't last." She looked at the floor away from me, taking a quiet, solemn tone. "When we were finally able to find them again... they had picked the wrong ship to travel with. I'm sure you know about the poor relations between us and the Klingons..."
I nodded.
"The Xyrillian ship was unfortunate enough to choose a Klingon battle- cruiser to help them. All we wanted was to speak to the Xyrillians... get their help..." Her voice faded as she must have begun to remember what happened. "Captain Archer... tried to get the Klingons to let them go..." She shook her head. "They didn't. They allowed for him to make a fool of himself begging, and then..."
She closed her eyes for a moment, forcing herself to go on. "They cut off the transmission. For a second, it seemed like they were going to let them go- they let the ship free from their tractor beam and started to move away. But then they shot at them... and destroyed the ship right in front of us."
I couldn't believe it. From all I previously knew, Ah'Len just died on her ship. He never told me that the entire crew was murdered in front of them. "Oh my God..." I managed to choke out.
"From what I guess... your dad feels responsible."
I guess I always knew Ah'Len was more than just a forgotten past. There was never a mention of her- it was too much of a forced silence for her to have been forgotten.
She allowed me to think in silence for a few seconds before continuing. She asked me quietly, "I know it's hard to think about, but does it help?"
*Did* it really help to hear this? Maybe it didn't help me that much, but it helped my dad, and I was willing to continue. "Yeah."
She put on a forced smile.
I was so glad that I was getting closer to helping him, although a part of me selfishly wanted to know for myself. I couldn't help it. It was so frustrating though, to want to know all of it and want to forget all of it at the same time.
My thoughts were interrupted when we heard a knock on the door, and Hoshi walked over to answer it. When she opened the door, her face paled, and her fingers were almost immediately drawn to pulling at the cuff of her sleeve.
"Trip..."
*gasp!* Did anyone see that coming? I know Redhead got it- great intuition! I wonder what's going to happen next...? Well, OK, *I* know what's going to happen next, but *you'll* just have to wait and see! ^_^ So, everyone review please!