Strong Enough
Chapter 8
Kyp watched as Jag's claw craft landed, the sleek lines of the ship making him shake his head again in awe. As uptight as Jag was, he certainly knew how to fly... and the Chiss were one hell of a design team. If only they could be convinced to enter the war for good. He frowned. Thinking of that, wasn't Jag due to return to Chiss space to confirm his report or something? He pushed the thought away. Jag wasn't going to be happy when he finally got the chance to speak with Jaina and might do exactly that. Kyp approached the ship as Jag popped the hatch. "Colonel."
Jag looked up, his dark eyes narrowing suspiciously, "Master Durron." He pulled off his helmet and put it on his seat before dropping to the deck beside Kyp. "Can I help you with something?"
No thanks, Kyp thought, struggling to keep a smug smile off his face, I've already helped myself to your fiancée. Really, I couldn't impose. Out loud he said, "General Antilles wanted to speak with you once you landed and the Goddess would like a word. I'm playing errand boy."
Jag didn't even crack a smile, just nodded once and began to walk away, his back ramrod straight. Kyp shook his head. "Your welcome." He said peevishly. So the man had alot on his mind, that didn't give him the right to treat Kyp like a second rate officer. He supposed he could be gracious though; Jag was about to get the shock of a lifetime... and it wasn't going to be a good one. Kyp whistled slightly off key as he headed for his X-Wing. His astromech could use a diagnostic and the flight deck was the perfect place to hide in plain sight. Not that he'd be hiding, he just didn't want to give Jag the opportunity for a private confrontation later. And that was going to be satisfying indeed.
Jag made his way at an even pace towards Jaina's quarters. His uncle could wait. He'd spent the better part of his mission, the whole three days he'd been gone, thinking about what she'd said and had barely been able to concentrate. If the General hadn't called him back, he would have come back on his own citing himself as a liability. He wouldn't put other people's lives on the line because his fiancée suddenly thought to break their engagement. He barely spared Kyp two thoughts, not finding it unusual that another person should bring him word of whom he was supposed to be meeting. Of course, it was rare to send someone as prominent and, yes, arrogant as Kyp. He shrugged it off, his mind turning back to Jaina. He was eager to see her and yet not. He only hoped she'd changed her mind in the time he'd been gone, otherwise he would have to convince her otherwise. Again.
He knocked on the door, running a hand through his slightly sweaty hair to even it out, and waited for her response.
"Yeah, yeah," came the muffled voice from the inside, "give me a second."
He waited patiently, his stomach churning, butterflies swimming though his system. The door opened and there she stood. Her eyes widened in shocked surprise. "Jag!"
"Goddess," he inclined his head to her, "you wished to speak with me?"
Jaina swallowed hard. He was back and she was far from ready. She wasn't looking forward to this conversation, had been dreading it in fact, since whatever she planned to say never seemed to come out right. He was going to take this all wrong and there was little she could do to straighten it out. She nodded, staring at him and stepped back, motioning for him to come in.
Jag stepped inside, noting the messy pile of paper work across her desk and bed, spread out as if she'd been in a frenzy to get it finished. "If this is a bad time, it can wait."
The out she'd wanted yet, now that she was here, she just wanted to get this over with. She didn't want to prolong it any longer than she had to. "No, no, it's alright. I'd rather speak with you now, if that's alright."
He inclined his head, feeling more than a little out of place as she quickly stacked several of the sheets and placed them on her desk. She turned to face him, gripping the edge of the desk. "How was your assignment?"
"It could have been better," he told her honestly.
She winced. "I'm sorry about that Jag. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Have you changed your mind, then?"
She shook her head, meeting his gaze for a half second before dropping it to the toes of her boots. "No," she said softly, "I haven't."
Jag felt as if she'd clubbed him with a boot in the gut. She hadn't changed her mind. "Why?" he demanded evenly, "What suddenly changed your mind, Jaina? Tell me that much at least."
She inhaled sharply. She'd known the question was coming, had even expected it, but the even tone in which he'd delivered it was worse than shouting. She let out her breath, still unable to meet his gaze. "I got to thinking the night your left," she admitted softly. "Every time we talked about the future you insisted on certain things. One of them was living in Chiss space. I couldn't do that. I couldn't live so far from all of my family and friends."
"There's more to it than that," he replied, taking a couple of steps towards her, "At least look at me when you're talking, I deserve that much!"
She lifted her head, meeting his gaze, and flinched. His eyes were ablaze with pain and betrayal. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "Jag, I swear, I had every intention of marrying you, but things change!"
"Not in one night!" he lashed back, his tone still even.
Even with his heart as battered and broken as it was, he still wouldn't yell at her. Wouldn't really argue with her. Jaina glared at him. "Yes in one night," she yelled, "Is that so hard to believe? I'm not in love with you, I never was! I was in love with the idea of having a family and a secure place to call my own, if I live out this war! Why is that so hard to accept?"
Jag stepped back in surprise. Jaina had never yelled at him before. Never. She'd always been even tempered with him. Sure she'd yelled, just never -at- him before, always about something else. "What changed?" he demanded, his anger and hurt starting to fray his control, "What changed?"
She stepped towards him. "I changed," she told him evenly, her hands clenched at her sides, "Me, Jag. I'm the one who changed. I realized that what you were offering was nothing more than a gilded cage of respect and suppressed freedoms. I couldn't live like that, how did you ever think I could?"
"It wouldn't be like that," he protested.
"You've said you don't want me flying once we're married," she reminded him, "you want a son and heir to carry on your name. I don't begrudge you that, but it's not what I want. Don't you see?" she asked, stepping closer to him, "We're too different Jag. You want something from me that I could never give. And not once, not once!, did you ask me what I thought about living in Chiss space. You didn't ask if I wanted that, you just assumed we'd live there. I can't live like that!"
Jag stared down at her for a full moment, watching her brandy eyes carefully. "Who turned you against me?" he demanded, grabbing her shoulders suddenly and shaking her once. "Who? What's his name, Jaina?"
"Why does it have to be another man?" she demanded, struggling to break his grip, but without the focus to tap the Force, she couldn't. His fingers dug into her upper arms like bands of durasteel, trapping her close.
"A woman doesn't change her mind about a month-long engagement unless it's another man. Tell me his name!"
Her eyes blazed. "Let go of me!"
"No." Jag's head came down, slanting his mouth across hers in a kiss that spoke more of desperation than anger.
Jaina turned her head away, bringing her knees up, only to have them blocked by his thigh. She was walked backwards, trapped against the desk as she kicked at his shins. His hold loosened momentarily and she twisted her arms, shoving him back forcefully. "I don't love you, Jag," she told him fiercely, "Kissing me isn't going to change that."
Jag straightened slowly, barely reigning himself in. "Who was it Jaina? Another pilot? A Jedi? Maybe that old boyfriend of yours?"
She blinked. Old boyfriend? What old... Zekk? She felt sick to her stomach. Jag was drawing all the right conclusions to the wrong man. "No."
"Who was it?"
"There's nobody, alright?" she snapped, "Nobody else! I chose to end our engagement because my feelings for you aren't what I thought they were. I'm not in love with you, I never was, I'm sorry you can't accept that!"
"You're lying," he accused, "I can see it in your eyes. I want the truth, Jaina, who're you replacing me with?"
She was shaking. Shaking so badly she wanted to slap him, to scream, but that would get her nowhere. She wrapped her hands around the edge of the desk again. "The truth?" she echoed. "The truth, Jag, is that there's no passion between us. There's an attraction but that's it."
"His name, Jaina."
She swallowed hard. He wasn't going to like this. What did she care? She wondered silently, it wasn't like she was marrying him anymore. "Kyp," she told him evenly.
Jag's eyes widened and then, to her surprise, he began to laugh. "Kyp? As in, Kyp Durron? You hate him, Jaina, what'd he promise you? Forever? A planet? Maybe your own kingdom?"
Her lips flattened into a firm line. "Freedom," she told him softly. "He offered me freedom, Jag. Freedom from you, freedom from my position and freedom from all your empty promises of home and respect."
Jag sobered instantly, the pain evident on his features. "How could you do this to me?" he asked raggedly, the events seeming to finally settle in. "How could you choose -him- of all people? It's Kyp, Jaina! Kyp Durron, the man who has no respect for anything but himself!"
Jaina narrowed her eyes. "You're wrong. So very wrong. I'm sorry Jag, but you and I are through. I'd like you to leave."
Jag stared at her for a long moment before nodding once. "I'll leave, but you're wrong, Jaina; this isn't over. I won't lose you to him."
She laughed sharply. "You already have. Drop it Jag. I'd like you to stay in the squadron, you're an excellent pilot, but I'll understand if you don't."
He stopped by the door, "You're serious."
"Deadly."
He seemed to lose some of his height, as if a great weight had suddenly settled on his shoulders. "I will always love you, Jaina," he told her softly before saluting once and spinning on his heel.
She watched the door close behind him, letting out the breath that had caught in her throat. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she let them come. Covering her mouth with her hand she muffled her sobs as she cried for the pain she'd inflicted on him and the dreams she'd shattered. And she cried for herself, the loss of a friend and companion that could never be replaced.
Chapter 8
Kyp watched as Jag's claw craft landed, the sleek lines of the ship making him shake his head again in awe. As uptight as Jag was, he certainly knew how to fly... and the Chiss were one hell of a design team. If only they could be convinced to enter the war for good. He frowned. Thinking of that, wasn't Jag due to return to Chiss space to confirm his report or something? He pushed the thought away. Jag wasn't going to be happy when he finally got the chance to speak with Jaina and might do exactly that. Kyp approached the ship as Jag popped the hatch. "Colonel."
Jag looked up, his dark eyes narrowing suspiciously, "Master Durron." He pulled off his helmet and put it on his seat before dropping to the deck beside Kyp. "Can I help you with something?"
No thanks, Kyp thought, struggling to keep a smug smile off his face, I've already helped myself to your fiancée. Really, I couldn't impose. Out loud he said, "General Antilles wanted to speak with you once you landed and the Goddess would like a word. I'm playing errand boy."
Jag didn't even crack a smile, just nodded once and began to walk away, his back ramrod straight. Kyp shook his head. "Your welcome." He said peevishly. So the man had alot on his mind, that didn't give him the right to treat Kyp like a second rate officer. He supposed he could be gracious though; Jag was about to get the shock of a lifetime... and it wasn't going to be a good one. Kyp whistled slightly off key as he headed for his X-Wing. His astromech could use a diagnostic and the flight deck was the perfect place to hide in plain sight. Not that he'd be hiding, he just didn't want to give Jag the opportunity for a private confrontation later. And that was going to be satisfying indeed.
Jag made his way at an even pace towards Jaina's quarters. His uncle could wait. He'd spent the better part of his mission, the whole three days he'd been gone, thinking about what she'd said and had barely been able to concentrate. If the General hadn't called him back, he would have come back on his own citing himself as a liability. He wouldn't put other people's lives on the line because his fiancée suddenly thought to break their engagement. He barely spared Kyp two thoughts, not finding it unusual that another person should bring him word of whom he was supposed to be meeting. Of course, it was rare to send someone as prominent and, yes, arrogant as Kyp. He shrugged it off, his mind turning back to Jaina. He was eager to see her and yet not. He only hoped she'd changed her mind in the time he'd been gone, otherwise he would have to convince her otherwise. Again.
He knocked on the door, running a hand through his slightly sweaty hair to even it out, and waited for her response.
"Yeah, yeah," came the muffled voice from the inside, "give me a second."
He waited patiently, his stomach churning, butterflies swimming though his system. The door opened and there she stood. Her eyes widened in shocked surprise. "Jag!"
"Goddess," he inclined his head to her, "you wished to speak with me?"
Jaina swallowed hard. He was back and she was far from ready. She wasn't looking forward to this conversation, had been dreading it in fact, since whatever she planned to say never seemed to come out right. He was going to take this all wrong and there was little she could do to straighten it out. She nodded, staring at him and stepped back, motioning for him to come in.
Jag stepped inside, noting the messy pile of paper work across her desk and bed, spread out as if she'd been in a frenzy to get it finished. "If this is a bad time, it can wait."
The out she'd wanted yet, now that she was here, she just wanted to get this over with. She didn't want to prolong it any longer than she had to. "No, no, it's alright. I'd rather speak with you now, if that's alright."
He inclined his head, feeling more than a little out of place as she quickly stacked several of the sheets and placed them on her desk. She turned to face him, gripping the edge of the desk. "How was your assignment?"
"It could have been better," he told her honestly.
She winced. "I'm sorry about that Jag. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Have you changed your mind, then?"
She shook her head, meeting his gaze for a half second before dropping it to the toes of her boots. "No," she said softly, "I haven't."
Jag felt as if she'd clubbed him with a boot in the gut. She hadn't changed her mind. "Why?" he demanded evenly, "What suddenly changed your mind, Jaina? Tell me that much at least."
She inhaled sharply. She'd known the question was coming, had even expected it, but the even tone in which he'd delivered it was worse than shouting. She let out her breath, still unable to meet his gaze. "I got to thinking the night your left," she admitted softly. "Every time we talked about the future you insisted on certain things. One of them was living in Chiss space. I couldn't do that. I couldn't live so far from all of my family and friends."
"There's more to it than that," he replied, taking a couple of steps towards her, "At least look at me when you're talking, I deserve that much!"
She lifted her head, meeting his gaze, and flinched. His eyes were ablaze with pain and betrayal. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "Jag, I swear, I had every intention of marrying you, but things change!"
"Not in one night!" he lashed back, his tone still even.
Even with his heart as battered and broken as it was, he still wouldn't yell at her. Wouldn't really argue with her. Jaina glared at him. "Yes in one night," she yelled, "Is that so hard to believe? I'm not in love with you, I never was! I was in love with the idea of having a family and a secure place to call my own, if I live out this war! Why is that so hard to accept?"
Jag stepped back in surprise. Jaina had never yelled at him before. Never. She'd always been even tempered with him. Sure she'd yelled, just never -at- him before, always about something else. "What changed?" he demanded, his anger and hurt starting to fray his control, "What changed?"
She stepped towards him. "I changed," she told him evenly, her hands clenched at her sides, "Me, Jag. I'm the one who changed. I realized that what you were offering was nothing more than a gilded cage of respect and suppressed freedoms. I couldn't live like that, how did you ever think I could?"
"It wouldn't be like that," he protested.
"You've said you don't want me flying once we're married," she reminded him, "you want a son and heir to carry on your name. I don't begrudge you that, but it's not what I want. Don't you see?" she asked, stepping closer to him, "We're too different Jag. You want something from me that I could never give. And not once, not once!, did you ask me what I thought about living in Chiss space. You didn't ask if I wanted that, you just assumed we'd live there. I can't live like that!"
Jag stared down at her for a full moment, watching her brandy eyes carefully. "Who turned you against me?" he demanded, grabbing her shoulders suddenly and shaking her once. "Who? What's his name, Jaina?"
"Why does it have to be another man?" she demanded, struggling to break his grip, but without the focus to tap the Force, she couldn't. His fingers dug into her upper arms like bands of durasteel, trapping her close.
"A woman doesn't change her mind about a month-long engagement unless it's another man. Tell me his name!"
Her eyes blazed. "Let go of me!"
"No." Jag's head came down, slanting his mouth across hers in a kiss that spoke more of desperation than anger.
Jaina turned her head away, bringing her knees up, only to have them blocked by his thigh. She was walked backwards, trapped against the desk as she kicked at his shins. His hold loosened momentarily and she twisted her arms, shoving him back forcefully. "I don't love you, Jag," she told him fiercely, "Kissing me isn't going to change that."
Jag straightened slowly, barely reigning himself in. "Who was it Jaina? Another pilot? A Jedi? Maybe that old boyfriend of yours?"
She blinked. Old boyfriend? What old... Zekk? She felt sick to her stomach. Jag was drawing all the right conclusions to the wrong man. "No."
"Who was it?"
"There's nobody, alright?" she snapped, "Nobody else! I chose to end our engagement because my feelings for you aren't what I thought they were. I'm not in love with you, I never was, I'm sorry you can't accept that!"
"You're lying," he accused, "I can see it in your eyes. I want the truth, Jaina, who're you replacing me with?"
She was shaking. Shaking so badly she wanted to slap him, to scream, but that would get her nowhere. She wrapped her hands around the edge of the desk again. "The truth?" she echoed. "The truth, Jag, is that there's no passion between us. There's an attraction but that's it."
"His name, Jaina."
She swallowed hard. He wasn't going to like this. What did she care? She wondered silently, it wasn't like she was marrying him anymore. "Kyp," she told him evenly.
Jag's eyes widened and then, to her surprise, he began to laugh. "Kyp? As in, Kyp Durron? You hate him, Jaina, what'd he promise you? Forever? A planet? Maybe your own kingdom?"
Her lips flattened into a firm line. "Freedom," she told him softly. "He offered me freedom, Jag. Freedom from you, freedom from my position and freedom from all your empty promises of home and respect."
Jag sobered instantly, the pain evident on his features. "How could you do this to me?" he asked raggedly, the events seeming to finally settle in. "How could you choose -him- of all people? It's Kyp, Jaina! Kyp Durron, the man who has no respect for anything but himself!"
Jaina narrowed her eyes. "You're wrong. So very wrong. I'm sorry Jag, but you and I are through. I'd like you to leave."
Jag stared at her for a long moment before nodding once. "I'll leave, but you're wrong, Jaina; this isn't over. I won't lose you to him."
She laughed sharply. "You already have. Drop it Jag. I'd like you to stay in the squadron, you're an excellent pilot, but I'll understand if you don't."
He stopped by the door, "You're serious."
"Deadly."
He seemed to lose some of his height, as if a great weight had suddenly settled on his shoulders. "I will always love you, Jaina," he told her softly before saluting once and spinning on his heel.
She watched the door close behind him, letting out the breath that had caught in her throat. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she let them come. Covering her mouth with her hand she muffled her sobs as she cried for the pain she'd inflicted on him and the dreams she'd shattered. And she cried for herself, the loss of a friend and companion that could never be replaced.