I know this chapter is a little longer than the others, and I took a long
time to get it up, but once again, I blame school.
Just a note, all thoughts are between // - //.
Chapter 10
Battling Inner Demons
I really wished I could move... or talk. I wanted to turn to my dad and tell him that I was fine, and stop him from worrying about me. But as I stared at the ceiling, unable to even *blink* deliberately, I realized I really wasn't fine. I stared for another second, and then actually did blink, as though the world were taunting me.
"How is she?" I heard my father ask quietly of the doctor.
"Well..." he began, then took a short pause before saying, "whatever happened, this telepathic ability and all these visions, they... well... they did a number of things."
//Stop stalling and just tell us what's wrong with me,// I thought impatiently.
"They drained her of most of her energy, which is very obvious. That is ultimately what put her in the state she's in."
"What exactly does that mean?- 'the state she's in.'" Dad asked quietly.
There was an unsettling silence before the doctor responded. "I am having difficulty finding the answer to why her energy level fell to as low as it did," he explained calmly and slowly, "but- in a sense- her mind is circumventing all unnecessary functions, and using all her remaining energy to keep her mind and body from failing. Meaning... she's lost- it may only be temporarily... I wish I could tell you... but at least for the moment... she's lost all control of any voluntary physical action... any one that isn't subconscious, automatic."
My dad just was quiet. It was all too quiet and too real.
"Can she still understand us?"
I wanted to shout, "Yes, Dad, I can understand you! I'm not gone, I'm still here!" but I couldn't.
"Her synaptic activity hasn't dropped to a level where I would be concerned of that, or be concerned that she definitely won't come back from this... however it's pretty clear that she's weakened. It *is* possible that she cannot at times understand."
Another silence.
I could see my dad approaching me, but the doctor put an arm between us. "I know it's going to be tough to not go near her, but you can't touch her. I really don't want to say this... but if she has another episode... she will die."
My father faced me, tears filling his eyes as he stared into mine, and then he backed away.
"I'm sorry," the doctor said to him, true sympathy in his voice.
I heard my father sigh shakily, probably fighting back his tears.
"I promise to do as much as I can to get her back," the doctor told my father.
"Thank you," he said sorrowfully.
The doctor stayed in silence for the amount of time he felt was respectful, then asked my father, "Would you like me to try to reach Dr. Phlox? If there's anyone we can contact that would know what to do... it's him."
My father didn't need to think about his response; he nodded right away. "Thanks."
I heard the doctor leave the room, and my father pull a chair over and sit down. He reached out his hand to take mine, then thought better of it, and took his hand away.
"I would if I could, baby girl..." he told me quietly.
//I know, Dad... I know,// I thought to myself.
He sighed. "I don' really know if you can hear me, K'Ela, but... I'm so sorry. I feel like it's all my fault."
//Why?//
He took a moment to reflect on the whole situation. "Maybe my dad was right," he mumbled dejectedly. "Maybe I *wasn't* the best parent you could'a had."
//No... Dad, don't say that...//
"If ya had a Xyrillian father instead'a me... he'd prob'ly know just what t' do for ya right now."
He put his head down, and sat deep in thought for a few minutes before letting out a small, humorless laugh. "It's funny how after all these years... well... I found out a long time ago, I guess... I finally can see why my dad wanted me t' reconsider fatherhood. But it's kinda a little too late t' tell 'im... to apologize for what I did. I know ya never got t' know 'im... an' I'm sorry for that too," he told me, his voice fading out as the tears began to build up in his eyes.
//I have a lot of things I'm sorry for too, Dad. And I'm going to make *sure* I make it so I can tell you.//
He held back his tears and said, "I made a lot a' stupid mistakes, an' hurt a lot a' people, I'm sure. But I hope... at least after all of this... that you still know I love you. An' I'll always be right here with you. So if ya ever feel scared... or alone... just remember I'm right here next t' you."
I, surprisingly, instead of feeling helpless and dispirited at my terrible situation, felt comforted- though teary from my dad confiding in me the pain he withheld- by the promise he made me.
//"Just remember I'm right here next t' you."//
I will, Dad. I will.
I again could feel the world slipping away, only this time, it was reality, not a dream, that was drifting away. I tried so hard for what felt like hours to keep awake, mostly out of fear that I might fall asleep and never open my eyes again. But they closed eventually, and I was at last in a sleep that was my own.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dad fixed the dark green sleeve of my jacket- which was just a bit longer than my arm- and opened the front door to the house for us to leave. The warm rain outside came down moderately, somewhere in between a mist and a rainstorm, and trickled off the roof of the house, and off my face and my jacket.
I always loved the rain.
I stood in it a moment, letting it shower me with my face to the sky, and bringing a smile to my father's lips. He allowed me to do so for a while longer, but knew if he let me stay until I had my fill of the rain, I would stay until the clouds passed and the droplets stopped falling.
"C'mon," he coaxed cheerfully. "If you ever wanna get to your Open House, yer gonna hafta get in the car."
I lingered a moment longer, still letting the rain speckle my face, then ran, giggling, to the car.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
When we arrived, I was eager to drag him along to any display that held either one of my friends' or my own creations. I pulled him along by his hand and pointed all of them out, wandering the entire room, and periodically, forgetting in my hyperactive enthusiasm that I had left him at another project.
The classroom itself looked as though it were in complete disarray, with paper, paint, and newspaper thrown together and then exhibited around the room. There was most likely order at the start, but after so many students had come, taken their project from its place, and shown it off to their families, the desks had become their display case.
"And whose is this?" he'd ask as we went around the room, looking at art project after art project.
"Elisabeth's," I told him happily. She was one of my friends, and so to me, her artwork was prized above the others who were not.
"Ah..." he mused, grinning. "I know Elisabeth."
My smile widened. I guess I took pride- or at least amusement- in having him already know who one of my friends was.
I pointed out another one, again, praising it. "It's Aaron's," I revealed without him having asked.
"Who's that?" he asked.
I pointed through the crowd to a boy with dark features, with eyes so dark brown they were almost black. He looked just as happy as I was to show off.
He nodded to show he saw who I was pointing to, and then asked, "And which one is David's?"
I'd been talking a lot about him lately, to the point where Dad had teased that I had a crush on him. I always said no, but maybe I did, even as young as I was then.
Mrs. Griffin came over then, interrupting our search through the art projects. "Hi," she greeted, smiling. "Enjoying Open House so far?"
We both said yes, but I had a lot of energy and a short attention span, and that was the end of my conversation with her. Hardly a minute later, I was already preoccupied with one of my friends. I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation between my dad and Mrs. Griffin as they spoke, but eventually my attention focused in on them, and I barely noticed as two others joined me.
I completely ignored my friends only when I heard my father say quietly, "I'm glad she's not alone this year."
"I remember you telling me about that.... I'm sorry first grade was such a hard year for her."
"Well, at least this year's easier." He sighed, then allowed for a normal tone of voice, as he had probably noticed my eyes were on them. "So how's she doin' in class?"
"Oh, she *loves* math," she told him cheerfully. "And she really likes science, too."
"That's my girl," he said proudly.
I could almost hear him say, //She's gonna make a pretty good engineer someday.// At least, I was sure that's what he was thinking.
I averted my attention from them once again and returned to the conversation with my friends. It appeared, however, that my absence of input resulted in the others leaving me behind.
I did not dwell on it, or try to search them out when it was clear that they wanted to only be a group of the three of them. Instead, I began a geography game on a small computer nearby, pressing the colorful keys, completely absorbed in the game. The world was one of my strongest interests, beside space. I owed that to Dad.
"Can I play too?" asked a voice from behind me. It was David.
"Sure."
I moved over, happy to have someone else with me, especially when that someone was David. I never liked being alone, by myself. It always scared me.
We played for a little while, and it surprised me for some reason that he knew as much as I did, and that our scores were almost tied. I don't know why it surprised me. Maybe because I spent so much time playing the game, I assumed it would be difficult to match my score.
"K'Ela?" he asked suddenly.
"Hm?"
"I'm having a birthday party next Saturday and I wanted to invite you. You think you can come?"
My face lit up. "I'll ask my dad."
I before I could turn my chair around, a woman leaned over me and David, taking his hand.
"David..." she cooed, but her voice had a sharp undertone, "we have to leave now."
"Can I at least finish this game?"
"No, honey, we have to leave now." Her voice was becoming a little more forceful, making me a bit uncomfortable.
He nodded, standing, but asked, "Mommy, can K'Ela come to my party Saturday?"
She struggled for words as she looked into my hopeful eyes, but I could see by the expression on her face that she did not want to look at me at all. "No, I'm sorry, David," she said, trying to maintain the sweetness and the regret in her voice, but failing.
"Why?" he asked genuinely, not whining at all.
She took a moment to formulate an answer, and told him, "You already invited a lot of people, David. Now come here, we have to leave."
She more or less dragged him out of the classroom, but he kept his eyes fixed on mine, as though he were asking me why his mother was doing that. His eyes were sad and pitiful, unable to grasp the reasoning behind her actions, but I knew them. I knew them too well for someone my age.
I looked at Dad, who looked like he had just about given up. He was disheartened and angry that nothing had changed. But most of all he was sad for me.
I looked back to David for one last glance before he was gone. I stared into his hazel eyes, and I felt like I was with him once again.
Only I was.
There he was, sitting on my couch with me, his Algebra 2 book and homework on his lap, and mine on my own.
"I've decided polynomials hate me," he told me. "I hate them, they hate me. It works."
"No," I laughed. "You're makin' it much harder than it needs t' be."
"No, I think it's really that hard."
I gave him a playful glare. "Look."
I went through a problem, explaining each step and why I did them. "Get it now?"
He stared dumbfounded at my paper. "Nope."
"Try one yourself."
He did, but he still got a wrong answer.
"So?"
I grimaced. "Well, yer gettin' closer."
"It's just too damn hard, K'Ela," he insisted.
"It isn't *that* hard."
"Easy for you to say, you're the daughter of an engineer."
"Two, actually," I teased.
He made a noise of frustration and closed his book. "I need to go back to first grade math."
"Two plus two?" I asked with a large grin.
"Twenty-two!" he answered over-enthusiastically, causing me to burst into laughter.
We were so strange. It had become a long-running joke to us to make fun of what little math skills he had, but now we were just pathetically weird.
When we finally stopped laughing, first at him, then at ourselves, he stared hard at my face.
"What?"
"Your face... turned gold," he told me, smiling.
It took me only a second to realize what he meant. My bronze skin had taken on a golden-colored tone to match my emotions. "It shows how I feel," I explained. "You never noticed that before?"
He shook his head.
I stood up and walked over to a mirror, and realized why he had never noticed until then. The gold on my skin had never been as defined as it was then- it was always more subtle.
I sat back down on the couch next to David, but didn't look at him.
"I hate when that happens. It's so easy to tell how I feel, I can't hide anything."
I felt his fingers lightly brush my cheek. "I think it looks beautiful."
I turned my head to face him, a little surprised by that compliment. He had never said anything like that to me before.
His eyes were so serious it almost scared me, but his gaze so sweet it comforted me. "I think *you* look beautiful."
He leaned toward me and kissed me softly.
I felt so much joy, like in that one moment he had finally revealed to me how much I had always cared about him.
Not only that, but something strange happened. I felt the love he felt for me. Not because he was kissing me that I knew it, but his thoughts told me.
I wasn't sure of it, so I asked myself a question, to prove to myself that what I thought was happening really was. Something I wouldn't know. His cousins' names- what are they? If I knew them, then I couldn't possibly be imagining it.
I pulled away from his lips gently, but he still knew something was wrong.
I looked at him with a confused glare. "You have four cousins. The oldest is Jenna, she's five years older than you, then Ryan, Lissa, and Caitlin, who are all younger."
He was flustered by that seemingly random outburst. "How...?" He started over, shaking his head. "First of all... what? And second- I never told you that, how did you know?"
I stood up, terrified of what had just happened, and he stood up too, trying to not only figure out how I knew that, but why I was so scared all of a sudden.
"You should go," I said, picking up his book and handing it to him.
"Are you okay?"
"No," I said, unable to pull myself together. "No, 'm not."
"Well, then I should stay."
"No," I insisted forcefully, getting a little shaky, both in my speech and in my footing.
He tried to keep me from losing my balance by keeping a hand on my arm, but he realized there was no way he could stay if I didn't want him there.
"I'll see you tomorrow if you're feeling better," he said quietly, and left.
I sat down hard on the couch, unable to take in what just happened, and sat in shock for a minute before deciding to go upstairs to my room.
"That never happened," I mumbled out loud, trying to convince myself of that. "I just imagined that.... He *did* tell me his cousins' names before, and I just imagined all of it..."
I then made my way upstairs, and walked into my room.
It was so bare now that I had moved out. It had become more of a work space, as I had suggested to Dad before I left. But it was so quiet.
I was so alone in such a big house, and I would have to wait until Dad came back home to surprise him.
I roamed the room, coming to a large desk along the wall with a computer and several Padds, running my hand along the desk as I walked.
The monitor beeped, and I wasn't sure whether I should answer it or not. After all, it was not for me, and that was for certain. But I decided that I should, and so I did.
It was Hoshi's face that appeared on the monitor, and she was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. I hadn't seen her face to face in a while.
"K'Ela!"
"Hi, Hoshi, I haven't seen you in a while."
"When did you get back?"
"Just today, about an half hour ago."
"I bet your dad was surprised to see you." Something about how she said that worried me a little.
"Actually, he isn't here."
She was silent, and I wasn't quite sure why.
"Did you want t' talk t' him about something in particular?- 'cause I can tell 'im when he gets back."
"Actually, I did." She paused. "K'Ela, I really have to tell you something."
I felt my heart stop. "What?"
"Your dad's not doing well. He's been really down lately, and I'm not sure what it is that's hurting him, but it's something. I was wondering if you knew what it was."
"No..." I said, shaking my head. "I wish I did. I didn't even know there was a problem."
"Maybe he just feels sad since you left," she suggested.
"Maybe he really feels alone," I agreed.
Suddenly the screen went black, and I could hear the static crackling as I turned the aged monitor off.
I turned around to face the dusty, dank attic, staring at the boxes, at Dad's old uniform, at the box of disks of old transmissions, taking all of it in.
I was alone. Dad was alone. And it was going to stay that way unless something changed.
Suddenly, nothing made sense. I couldn't seem to remember where I really should be, or how long I had been here, or... wherever I was.
Out of nowhere, a sharp pain went through my head, then radiated through my entire body. It wasn't really pain though, it was... I didn't even know. It was hard to describe, but it wasn't pleasant, and it had just swept over my entire body. It overtook me, blinded me, and I felt like it was all ending.
I finally knew where I really was: in the hospital. And I was dying. And I thought then... that it was all over. I felt released, and I wasn't sure what to think, but-
My eyes fluttered open, dismissing the darkness, and taking in the light.
"I think she's going to be fine."
^ - ^ So... tell me what you thought. ^ - ^
Sorry about the possibly confusing switching from one time to another, but,
hey, dreams are weird that way.
time to get it up, but once again, I blame school.
Just a note, all thoughts are between // - //.
Chapter 10
Battling Inner Demons
I really wished I could move... or talk. I wanted to turn to my dad and tell him that I was fine, and stop him from worrying about me. But as I stared at the ceiling, unable to even *blink* deliberately, I realized I really wasn't fine. I stared for another second, and then actually did blink, as though the world were taunting me.
"How is she?" I heard my father ask quietly of the doctor.
"Well..." he began, then took a short pause before saying, "whatever happened, this telepathic ability and all these visions, they... well... they did a number of things."
//Stop stalling and just tell us what's wrong with me,// I thought impatiently.
"They drained her of most of her energy, which is very obvious. That is ultimately what put her in the state she's in."
"What exactly does that mean?- 'the state she's in.'" Dad asked quietly.
There was an unsettling silence before the doctor responded. "I am having difficulty finding the answer to why her energy level fell to as low as it did," he explained calmly and slowly, "but- in a sense- her mind is circumventing all unnecessary functions, and using all her remaining energy to keep her mind and body from failing. Meaning... she's lost- it may only be temporarily... I wish I could tell you... but at least for the moment... she's lost all control of any voluntary physical action... any one that isn't subconscious, automatic."
My dad just was quiet. It was all too quiet and too real.
"Can she still understand us?"
I wanted to shout, "Yes, Dad, I can understand you! I'm not gone, I'm still here!" but I couldn't.
"Her synaptic activity hasn't dropped to a level where I would be concerned of that, or be concerned that she definitely won't come back from this... however it's pretty clear that she's weakened. It *is* possible that she cannot at times understand."
Another silence.
I could see my dad approaching me, but the doctor put an arm between us. "I know it's going to be tough to not go near her, but you can't touch her. I really don't want to say this... but if she has another episode... she will die."
My father faced me, tears filling his eyes as he stared into mine, and then he backed away.
"I'm sorry," the doctor said to him, true sympathy in his voice.
I heard my father sigh shakily, probably fighting back his tears.
"I promise to do as much as I can to get her back," the doctor told my father.
"Thank you," he said sorrowfully.
The doctor stayed in silence for the amount of time he felt was respectful, then asked my father, "Would you like me to try to reach Dr. Phlox? If there's anyone we can contact that would know what to do... it's him."
My father didn't need to think about his response; he nodded right away. "Thanks."
I heard the doctor leave the room, and my father pull a chair over and sit down. He reached out his hand to take mine, then thought better of it, and took his hand away.
"I would if I could, baby girl..." he told me quietly.
//I know, Dad... I know,// I thought to myself.
He sighed. "I don' really know if you can hear me, K'Ela, but... I'm so sorry. I feel like it's all my fault."
//Why?//
He took a moment to reflect on the whole situation. "Maybe my dad was right," he mumbled dejectedly. "Maybe I *wasn't* the best parent you could'a had."
//No... Dad, don't say that...//
"If ya had a Xyrillian father instead'a me... he'd prob'ly know just what t' do for ya right now."
He put his head down, and sat deep in thought for a few minutes before letting out a small, humorless laugh. "It's funny how after all these years... well... I found out a long time ago, I guess... I finally can see why my dad wanted me t' reconsider fatherhood. But it's kinda a little too late t' tell 'im... to apologize for what I did. I know ya never got t' know 'im... an' I'm sorry for that too," he told me, his voice fading out as the tears began to build up in his eyes.
//I have a lot of things I'm sorry for too, Dad. And I'm going to make *sure* I make it so I can tell you.//
He held back his tears and said, "I made a lot a' stupid mistakes, an' hurt a lot a' people, I'm sure. But I hope... at least after all of this... that you still know I love you. An' I'll always be right here with you. So if ya ever feel scared... or alone... just remember I'm right here next t' you."
I, surprisingly, instead of feeling helpless and dispirited at my terrible situation, felt comforted- though teary from my dad confiding in me the pain he withheld- by the promise he made me.
//"Just remember I'm right here next t' you."//
I will, Dad. I will.
I again could feel the world slipping away, only this time, it was reality, not a dream, that was drifting away. I tried so hard for what felt like hours to keep awake, mostly out of fear that I might fall asleep and never open my eyes again. But they closed eventually, and I was at last in a sleep that was my own.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dad fixed the dark green sleeve of my jacket- which was just a bit longer than my arm- and opened the front door to the house for us to leave. The warm rain outside came down moderately, somewhere in between a mist and a rainstorm, and trickled off the roof of the house, and off my face and my jacket.
I always loved the rain.
I stood in it a moment, letting it shower me with my face to the sky, and bringing a smile to my father's lips. He allowed me to do so for a while longer, but knew if he let me stay until I had my fill of the rain, I would stay until the clouds passed and the droplets stopped falling.
"C'mon," he coaxed cheerfully. "If you ever wanna get to your Open House, yer gonna hafta get in the car."
I lingered a moment longer, still letting the rain speckle my face, then ran, giggling, to the car.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
When we arrived, I was eager to drag him along to any display that held either one of my friends' or my own creations. I pulled him along by his hand and pointed all of them out, wandering the entire room, and periodically, forgetting in my hyperactive enthusiasm that I had left him at another project.
The classroom itself looked as though it were in complete disarray, with paper, paint, and newspaper thrown together and then exhibited around the room. There was most likely order at the start, but after so many students had come, taken their project from its place, and shown it off to their families, the desks had become their display case.
"And whose is this?" he'd ask as we went around the room, looking at art project after art project.
"Elisabeth's," I told him happily. She was one of my friends, and so to me, her artwork was prized above the others who were not.
"Ah..." he mused, grinning. "I know Elisabeth."
My smile widened. I guess I took pride- or at least amusement- in having him already know who one of my friends was.
I pointed out another one, again, praising it. "It's Aaron's," I revealed without him having asked.
"Who's that?" he asked.
I pointed through the crowd to a boy with dark features, with eyes so dark brown they were almost black. He looked just as happy as I was to show off.
He nodded to show he saw who I was pointing to, and then asked, "And which one is David's?"
I'd been talking a lot about him lately, to the point where Dad had teased that I had a crush on him. I always said no, but maybe I did, even as young as I was then.
Mrs. Griffin came over then, interrupting our search through the art projects. "Hi," she greeted, smiling. "Enjoying Open House so far?"
We both said yes, but I had a lot of energy and a short attention span, and that was the end of my conversation with her. Hardly a minute later, I was already preoccupied with one of my friends. I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation between my dad and Mrs. Griffin as they spoke, but eventually my attention focused in on them, and I barely noticed as two others joined me.
I completely ignored my friends only when I heard my father say quietly, "I'm glad she's not alone this year."
"I remember you telling me about that.... I'm sorry first grade was such a hard year for her."
"Well, at least this year's easier." He sighed, then allowed for a normal tone of voice, as he had probably noticed my eyes were on them. "So how's she doin' in class?"
"Oh, she *loves* math," she told him cheerfully. "And she really likes science, too."
"That's my girl," he said proudly.
I could almost hear him say, //She's gonna make a pretty good engineer someday.// At least, I was sure that's what he was thinking.
I averted my attention from them once again and returned to the conversation with my friends. It appeared, however, that my absence of input resulted in the others leaving me behind.
I did not dwell on it, or try to search them out when it was clear that they wanted to only be a group of the three of them. Instead, I began a geography game on a small computer nearby, pressing the colorful keys, completely absorbed in the game. The world was one of my strongest interests, beside space. I owed that to Dad.
"Can I play too?" asked a voice from behind me. It was David.
"Sure."
I moved over, happy to have someone else with me, especially when that someone was David. I never liked being alone, by myself. It always scared me.
We played for a little while, and it surprised me for some reason that he knew as much as I did, and that our scores were almost tied. I don't know why it surprised me. Maybe because I spent so much time playing the game, I assumed it would be difficult to match my score.
"K'Ela?" he asked suddenly.
"Hm?"
"I'm having a birthday party next Saturday and I wanted to invite you. You think you can come?"
My face lit up. "I'll ask my dad."
I before I could turn my chair around, a woman leaned over me and David, taking his hand.
"David..." she cooed, but her voice had a sharp undertone, "we have to leave now."
"Can I at least finish this game?"
"No, honey, we have to leave now." Her voice was becoming a little more forceful, making me a bit uncomfortable.
He nodded, standing, but asked, "Mommy, can K'Ela come to my party Saturday?"
She struggled for words as she looked into my hopeful eyes, but I could see by the expression on her face that she did not want to look at me at all. "No, I'm sorry, David," she said, trying to maintain the sweetness and the regret in her voice, but failing.
"Why?" he asked genuinely, not whining at all.
She took a moment to formulate an answer, and told him, "You already invited a lot of people, David. Now come here, we have to leave."
She more or less dragged him out of the classroom, but he kept his eyes fixed on mine, as though he were asking me why his mother was doing that. His eyes were sad and pitiful, unable to grasp the reasoning behind her actions, but I knew them. I knew them too well for someone my age.
I looked at Dad, who looked like he had just about given up. He was disheartened and angry that nothing had changed. But most of all he was sad for me.
I looked back to David for one last glance before he was gone. I stared into his hazel eyes, and I felt like I was with him once again.
Only I was.
There he was, sitting on my couch with me, his Algebra 2 book and homework on his lap, and mine on my own.
"I've decided polynomials hate me," he told me. "I hate them, they hate me. It works."
"No," I laughed. "You're makin' it much harder than it needs t' be."
"No, I think it's really that hard."
I gave him a playful glare. "Look."
I went through a problem, explaining each step and why I did them. "Get it now?"
He stared dumbfounded at my paper. "Nope."
"Try one yourself."
He did, but he still got a wrong answer.
"So?"
I grimaced. "Well, yer gettin' closer."
"It's just too damn hard, K'Ela," he insisted.
"It isn't *that* hard."
"Easy for you to say, you're the daughter of an engineer."
"Two, actually," I teased.
He made a noise of frustration and closed his book. "I need to go back to first grade math."
"Two plus two?" I asked with a large grin.
"Twenty-two!" he answered over-enthusiastically, causing me to burst into laughter.
We were so strange. It had become a long-running joke to us to make fun of what little math skills he had, but now we were just pathetically weird.
When we finally stopped laughing, first at him, then at ourselves, he stared hard at my face.
"What?"
"Your face... turned gold," he told me, smiling.
It took me only a second to realize what he meant. My bronze skin had taken on a golden-colored tone to match my emotions. "It shows how I feel," I explained. "You never noticed that before?"
He shook his head.
I stood up and walked over to a mirror, and realized why he had never noticed until then. The gold on my skin had never been as defined as it was then- it was always more subtle.
I sat back down on the couch next to David, but didn't look at him.
"I hate when that happens. It's so easy to tell how I feel, I can't hide anything."
I felt his fingers lightly brush my cheek. "I think it looks beautiful."
I turned my head to face him, a little surprised by that compliment. He had never said anything like that to me before.
His eyes were so serious it almost scared me, but his gaze so sweet it comforted me. "I think *you* look beautiful."
He leaned toward me and kissed me softly.
I felt so much joy, like in that one moment he had finally revealed to me how much I had always cared about him.
Not only that, but something strange happened. I felt the love he felt for me. Not because he was kissing me that I knew it, but his thoughts told me.
I wasn't sure of it, so I asked myself a question, to prove to myself that what I thought was happening really was. Something I wouldn't know. His cousins' names- what are they? If I knew them, then I couldn't possibly be imagining it.
I pulled away from his lips gently, but he still knew something was wrong.
I looked at him with a confused glare. "You have four cousins. The oldest is Jenna, she's five years older than you, then Ryan, Lissa, and Caitlin, who are all younger."
He was flustered by that seemingly random outburst. "How...?" He started over, shaking his head. "First of all... what? And second- I never told you that, how did you know?"
I stood up, terrified of what had just happened, and he stood up too, trying to not only figure out how I knew that, but why I was so scared all of a sudden.
"You should go," I said, picking up his book and handing it to him.
"Are you okay?"
"No," I said, unable to pull myself together. "No, 'm not."
"Well, then I should stay."
"No," I insisted forcefully, getting a little shaky, both in my speech and in my footing.
He tried to keep me from losing my balance by keeping a hand on my arm, but he realized there was no way he could stay if I didn't want him there.
"I'll see you tomorrow if you're feeling better," he said quietly, and left.
I sat down hard on the couch, unable to take in what just happened, and sat in shock for a minute before deciding to go upstairs to my room.
"That never happened," I mumbled out loud, trying to convince myself of that. "I just imagined that.... He *did* tell me his cousins' names before, and I just imagined all of it..."
I then made my way upstairs, and walked into my room.
It was so bare now that I had moved out. It had become more of a work space, as I had suggested to Dad before I left. But it was so quiet.
I was so alone in such a big house, and I would have to wait until Dad came back home to surprise him.
I roamed the room, coming to a large desk along the wall with a computer and several Padds, running my hand along the desk as I walked.
The monitor beeped, and I wasn't sure whether I should answer it or not. After all, it was not for me, and that was for certain. But I decided that I should, and so I did.
It was Hoshi's face that appeared on the monitor, and she was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. I hadn't seen her face to face in a while.
"K'Ela!"
"Hi, Hoshi, I haven't seen you in a while."
"When did you get back?"
"Just today, about an half hour ago."
"I bet your dad was surprised to see you." Something about how she said that worried me a little.
"Actually, he isn't here."
She was silent, and I wasn't quite sure why.
"Did you want t' talk t' him about something in particular?- 'cause I can tell 'im when he gets back."
"Actually, I did." She paused. "K'Ela, I really have to tell you something."
I felt my heart stop. "What?"
"Your dad's not doing well. He's been really down lately, and I'm not sure what it is that's hurting him, but it's something. I was wondering if you knew what it was."
"No..." I said, shaking my head. "I wish I did. I didn't even know there was a problem."
"Maybe he just feels sad since you left," she suggested.
"Maybe he really feels alone," I agreed.
Suddenly the screen went black, and I could hear the static crackling as I turned the aged monitor off.
I turned around to face the dusty, dank attic, staring at the boxes, at Dad's old uniform, at the box of disks of old transmissions, taking all of it in.
I was alone. Dad was alone. And it was going to stay that way unless something changed.
Suddenly, nothing made sense. I couldn't seem to remember where I really should be, or how long I had been here, or... wherever I was.
Out of nowhere, a sharp pain went through my head, then radiated through my entire body. It wasn't really pain though, it was... I didn't even know. It was hard to describe, but it wasn't pleasant, and it had just swept over my entire body. It overtook me, blinded me, and I felt like it was all ending.
I finally knew where I really was: in the hospital. And I was dying. And I thought then... that it was all over. I felt released, and I wasn't sure what to think, but-
My eyes fluttered open, dismissing the darkness, and taking in the light.
"I think she's going to be fine."
^ - ^ So... tell me what you thought. ^ - ^
Sorry about the possibly confusing switching from one time to another, but,
hey, dreams are weird that way.