Strong Enough
Chapter 10
Kyp looked up as Zekk and Jaina entered Tahiri's room, his gaze immediately going to Jaina's face. Her eyes were slightly swollen, as if she'd been crying, though her face was clear of all evidence otherwise. She was smiling at something Zekk had said. She met his gaze and stepped quickly towards him, enveloping him in a hug as she rested her head against his chest. Kyp blinked, looking down at her in surprise. Had she told Zekk?
Zekk sat on the edge of Tahiri's bed, gently brushing the blond curls off her face, his back to the couple and Jaina took advantage of it. She tilted her head, her eyes pleading with Kyp silently. He cupped her face gently before placing a tender kiss on her lips. She sighed softly, returning the kiss before pulling away. In that instant, Kyp understood that she'd told Zekk and that Zekk had been alright with it. He breathed a silent sigh of relief; they wouldn't have to hide their relationship from her friend.
Zekk half-turned towards them, "What'd you find, Kyp?"
Kyp glanced down at Jaina before shaking his head slightly. "Not much," he admitted. "Tahiri's mind is a cloud of grief overshadowed with despair. She doesn't expect to come out of this and neither does she want to. There is one bright spot and that's you, Zekk. She's come to think of you as a... protector of sorts. Like an older brother that will chase away the shadows of her nightmares."
Zekk nodded, "I was afraid of that. She's used to relying on herself, or at least she was, until Anakin. And then she was left alone. Completely alone because nobody else really had time for her." He sighed, looking down at Tahiri's slumbering face. "I made the time when I saw what she was going through, I know how it feels to lose people as she did. And so do both of you," he looked up at Kyp and Jaina, "I think that's why Master Skywalker wanted you two to help her."
"But why not you?" Jaina asked. "I mean she's obviously attached to you."
"And what happens if I die tomorrow Jaya?" Zekk asked seriously. "Will she drop deeper into that grief pit? No, by allowing her to become attached to me, I haven't done her any favors." He shook his head. "You're Anakin's sister and Kyp has more experience with darkside powers than any Jedi, including Master Skywalker. It has to be you two; she isn't likely to become attached to either of you."
Jaina rubbed her forehead. "Then why are you staying?"
Zekk looked from Kyp to Jaina and back before turning to look down at Tahiri again. "She asked me to. I'll stay for a few days until she gets settled and then I have to get back. It would seem I spend more of my time playing at being a glorified shuttle pilot for the Jedi council these days than anything." He smiled faintly. "Not that I mind, but I do like to get my hands dirty every now and again."
Jaina chuckled, "You look tired, why don't you get some sleep. Kyp and I will watch over her."
Zekk bent down to gently kiss Tahiri on the forehead before standing. "I think I will. Good night." He headed for the door, pausing before opening it. "And Kyp."
"Yes?"
Zekk met his gaze. "Take care of her."
Kyp nodded as Zekk left.
"Of course you'd take care of her," Jaina said, shaking her head. "So will I, but, I mean-"
"Jay."
"What?"
Kyp turned her in his arms. "He was talking about you."
She blinked. "He was?"
Kyp chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, he was. Tahiri will sleep until morning and then we'll have our work cut out for us. She was pretty confused on the flight deck. More grief-stricken than angry, but if she ever learns to focus it she could be pretty strong."
Jaina looked over at the angelic face of the sleeping blonde imp and sighed. "She doesn't deserve to be going through so much at such a young age," she said softly. "I wish I could just take away all the pain she's feeling and let her start over."
"And let her learn nothing?" Kyp asked her softly. "You would have her forget about the one person in the entire galaxy that loved her enough to chance the wrath of your Uncle? That gave his life for -her- and no one else? That's right Jay, your brother died protecting Tahiri, not the mission. She knows it and it's tearing her apart."
Jaina bowed her head, resting it against his chest and didn't protest when he pulled her closer. "He shouldn't have died," Jaina whispered softly. "Anakin should never have died."
Kyp agreed with her silently. Anakin Solo shouldn't have been the one to die on that mission. He stroked her hair, holding her close, as they thought of the young Jedi. Kyp slowly turned his mind away from it. Tahiri wouldn't be helped if they coddled her; she would have to work through her grief, accept it and learn to move on as everyone else did. Only her healing process would be, and had been, much longer than any Kyp had ever seen.
Jaina slowly pulled back. "I suppose you're going to tell me I shouldn't worry about things I can't change?"
Kyp chuckled. "Actually I wasn't going to say anything. Tahiri's going to need our help; more so than anyone I've ever known. She's hurting something terrible, Jay."
Jaina nodded, "I know."
"Speaking of hurt, how did it go with Jag?"
She made a face. "Not so good." She admitted. "I think I really hurt him more than I had to, Kyp. He didn't deserve to have this thrown at him the way I did it."
"Did you tell him about us?"
She nodded. "He wouldn't stop pushing, he just... he somehow knew it had to be another man and he just..." she shook her head helplessly. "I got angry and we got into a shouting match. Jag and me, imagine! Jag actually got me to shout at him."
"Felt good, huh?"
She nodded, her face flushing guiltily. "Actually yes, but I feel terrible for it. I just... I shouldn't feel so good for making him feel so bad. It's wrong. Shouting at you is one thing, you're willing to shout back, but shouting at Jag was like kicking someone when they're down; they're defenseless."
"I sense there's something more to this, Jay. What is it you're not telling me?"
She ducked her head. "I wanted to deck him."
"Why?"
"He tried to kiss me."
"Tried or succeeded?"
She met his gaze, "He was desperate, Kyp. He did, but only for a moment, I turned my head away. I hurt him, badly, and I don't blame him for trying to convince me to stay with him."
Kyp cupped her face in his hands. "You're stronger than I; I would have let him have it."
She sighed, letting out a shocked exclamation when he scooped her off her feet and onto his lap as he sat in the only chair in the room. They had a clear view of the sleeping Jedi, yet neither of them looked in her direction. Jaina curled close to him, her legs hanging over the arm of the chair. "Just hold me," she told him softly. "I know I did the right thing in cutting Jag loose but I feel so lost too."
Kyp cradled her in his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her head. "I'm here," he told her gently, "Hang onto me."
She clung to him, wrapping herself and her senses around him, and using him as the anchor in the maelstrom vortex of her emotions. And he held her, letting her deal with her emotions internally, yet being the shelter she sought when she felt she couldn't go on anymore. Together, they eased their way through her feelings until Jaina couldn't keep her eyes open. She dropped off to sleep curled against him, and Kyp simply settled himself more comfortably and closed his eyes. But he didn't sleep, he thought. Thought of the turns his life had taken, of the ones he now wanted them to take and of the ones they would take. And, as he shut down the lights, he smiled.
Chapter 10
Kyp looked up as Zekk and Jaina entered Tahiri's room, his gaze immediately going to Jaina's face. Her eyes were slightly swollen, as if she'd been crying, though her face was clear of all evidence otherwise. She was smiling at something Zekk had said. She met his gaze and stepped quickly towards him, enveloping him in a hug as she rested her head against his chest. Kyp blinked, looking down at her in surprise. Had she told Zekk?
Zekk sat on the edge of Tahiri's bed, gently brushing the blond curls off her face, his back to the couple and Jaina took advantage of it. She tilted her head, her eyes pleading with Kyp silently. He cupped her face gently before placing a tender kiss on her lips. She sighed softly, returning the kiss before pulling away. In that instant, Kyp understood that she'd told Zekk and that Zekk had been alright with it. He breathed a silent sigh of relief; they wouldn't have to hide their relationship from her friend.
Zekk half-turned towards them, "What'd you find, Kyp?"
Kyp glanced down at Jaina before shaking his head slightly. "Not much," he admitted. "Tahiri's mind is a cloud of grief overshadowed with despair. She doesn't expect to come out of this and neither does she want to. There is one bright spot and that's you, Zekk. She's come to think of you as a... protector of sorts. Like an older brother that will chase away the shadows of her nightmares."
Zekk nodded, "I was afraid of that. She's used to relying on herself, or at least she was, until Anakin. And then she was left alone. Completely alone because nobody else really had time for her." He sighed, looking down at Tahiri's slumbering face. "I made the time when I saw what she was going through, I know how it feels to lose people as she did. And so do both of you," he looked up at Kyp and Jaina, "I think that's why Master Skywalker wanted you two to help her."
"But why not you?" Jaina asked. "I mean she's obviously attached to you."
"And what happens if I die tomorrow Jaya?" Zekk asked seriously. "Will she drop deeper into that grief pit? No, by allowing her to become attached to me, I haven't done her any favors." He shook his head. "You're Anakin's sister and Kyp has more experience with darkside powers than any Jedi, including Master Skywalker. It has to be you two; she isn't likely to become attached to either of you."
Jaina rubbed her forehead. "Then why are you staying?"
Zekk looked from Kyp to Jaina and back before turning to look down at Tahiri again. "She asked me to. I'll stay for a few days until she gets settled and then I have to get back. It would seem I spend more of my time playing at being a glorified shuttle pilot for the Jedi council these days than anything." He smiled faintly. "Not that I mind, but I do like to get my hands dirty every now and again."
Jaina chuckled, "You look tired, why don't you get some sleep. Kyp and I will watch over her."
Zekk bent down to gently kiss Tahiri on the forehead before standing. "I think I will. Good night." He headed for the door, pausing before opening it. "And Kyp."
"Yes?"
Zekk met his gaze. "Take care of her."
Kyp nodded as Zekk left.
"Of course you'd take care of her," Jaina said, shaking her head. "So will I, but, I mean-"
"Jay."
"What?"
Kyp turned her in his arms. "He was talking about you."
She blinked. "He was?"
Kyp chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, he was. Tahiri will sleep until morning and then we'll have our work cut out for us. She was pretty confused on the flight deck. More grief-stricken than angry, but if she ever learns to focus it she could be pretty strong."
Jaina looked over at the angelic face of the sleeping blonde imp and sighed. "She doesn't deserve to be going through so much at such a young age," she said softly. "I wish I could just take away all the pain she's feeling and let her start over."
"And let her learn nothing?" Kyp asked her softly. "You would have her forget about the one person in the entire galaxy that loved her enough to chance the wrath of your Uncle? That gave his life for -her- and no one else? That's right Jay, your brother died protecting Tahiri, not the mission. She knows it and it's tearing her apart."
Jaina bowed her head, resting it against his chest and didn't protest when he pulled her closer. "He shouldn't have died," Jaina whispered softly. "Anakin should never have died."
Kyp agreed with her silently. Anakin Solo shouldn't have been the one to die on that mission. He stroked her hair, holding her close, as they thought of the young Jedi. Kyp slowly turned his mind away from it. Tahiri wouldn't be helped if they coddled her; she would have to work through her grief, accept it and learn to move on as everyone else did. Only her healing process would be, and had been, much longer than any Kyp had ever seen.
Jaina slowly pulled back. "I suppose you're going to tell me I shouldn't worry about things I can't change?"
Kyp chuckled. "Actually I wasn't going to say anything. Tahiri's going to need our help; more so than anyone I've ever known. She's hurting something terrible, Jay."
Jaina nodded, "I know."
"Speaking of hurt, how did it go with Jag?"
She made a face. "Not so good." She admitted. "I think I really hurt him more than I had to, Kyp. He didn't deserve to have this thrown at him the way I did it."
"Did you tell him about us?"
She nodded. "He wouldn't stop pushing, he just... he somehow knew it had to be another man and he just..." she shook her head helplessly. "I got angry and we got into a shouting match. Jag and me, imagine! Jag actually got me to shout at him."
"Felt good, huh?"
She nodded, her face flushing guiltily. "Actually yes, but I feel terrible for it. I just... I shouldn't feel so good for making him feel so bad. It's wrong. Shouting at you is one thing, you're willing to shout back, but shouting at Jag was like kicking someone when they're down; they're defenseless."
"I sense there's something more to this, Jay. What is it you're not telling me?"
She ducked her head. "I wanted to deck him."
"Why?"
"He tried to kiss me."
"Tried or succeeded?"
She met his gaze, "He was desperate, Kyp. He did, but only for a moment, I turned my head away. I hurt him, badly, and I don't blame him for trying to convince me to stay with him."
Kyp cupped her face in his hands. "You're stronger than I; I would have let him have it."
She sighed, letting out a shocked exclamation when he scooped her off her feet and onto his lap as he sat in the only chair in the room. They had a clear view of the sleeping Jedi, yet neither of them looked in her direction. Jaina curled close to him, her legs hanging over the arm of the chair. "Just hold me," she told him softly. "I know I did the right thing in cutting Jag loose but I feel so lost too."
Kyp cradled her in his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her head. "I'm here," he told her gently, "Hang onto me."
She clung to him, wrapping herself and her senses around him, and using him as the anchor in the maelstrom vortex of her emotions. And he held her, letting her deal with her emotions internally, yet being the shelter she sought when she felt she couldn't go on anymore. Together, they eased their way through her feelings until Jaina couldn't keep her eyes open. She dropped off to sleep curled against him, and Kyp simply settled himself more comfortably and closed his eyes. But he didn't sleep, he thought. Thought of the turns his life had taken, of the ones he now wanted them to take and of the ones they would take. And, as he shut down the lights, he smiled.