It took me a while, but I have another chapter. Phew.... Finally another nudge toward the end of the story. Enjoy.
Chapter 13
No Other Choice
I could tell David was really worried for me. He wouldn't leave my side from the minute I walked back into that room. I knew he meant well, but... I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. It was hard to want to speak to him, especially since there wasn't much I really wanted to say, and nothing short of blurting out the whole situation was going to make me feel any better. I was sad to admit to myself that I didn't want to be around him, or around anyone else.
I really didn't talk to him much the day he came; it seemed like he just needed to make sure I was doing better, then do his best not to fuss over helping me as much as he really wanted to because he knew that I hated that. Thankfully, he didn't ask any questions about why I was so weak, or why I was hospitalized in the first place, which was a relief. But in turn, I barely spoke with him, and I could tell he was becoming suspicious of what was going on.
And, later- as if it all wasn't enough to make me go insane- proving me correct, Elisabeth was happy to admit that she actually *did* call David. I know she had no idea why I looked so down about that. I didn't want to tell her, either. It was none of her business- none of anyone's business- but my own. And it would have to be David's as well now, which upset me more than anything else. She couldn't understand what the problem was, but she must have just assumed that I didn't want him worried over me like he was.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked me. "You look a little sad."
"It's just that... I've been in this room for so long..." I lied. I was getting extremely sick of lying.
"Do you wanna take a walk? Might make you feel a little better."
I managed a smile. "Sure."
On the way out, Phlox shot me a look that inquired if I was going to tell David my problem. Instead of nodding or shaking my head, I just looked down at the floor, then at David. *I* wasn't even certain, so I wasn't going to corner myself into anything for sure.
We walked at a slow pace for a little while without saying a word to one another. It seemed a little unnecessary at the moment, and more than a little revealing, especially while we were still around so many patients.
I looked around the halls, so white and spotless. The entire place smelled of sterilization, and it seemed to me that it was far worse than the dinge of the attic, or the choking thickness of the damp air of the basement. I thought I would have gotten used to it by now, but it was more difficult than I thought. It was too clean, unnaturally clean, and every room stank of it- that and anesthesia. It was sickening.
"Do you think you'll get out of here soon?" he asked me, as if he knew exactly what I had been silently hoping. And considering what had been going on, that was borderline terrifying.
My mind flashed back to his young, teenage face staring back at me in my living room, our once linked minds broken from each other as I pulled away from him, my heart racing as I tried to understand, my blood racing through me as I tried to stay calm, his eyes staring into me as I tried to explain, my hands shaking as I handed him his books and pushed him away from me….
But I pulled myself back from that thought, that fear that it all might be happening again as it had years ago. It couldn't, so why be afraid? Just answer his question and forget it. "Uh... 'm not sure. It really depends."
He nodded. "Well... make sure you do what'cha can to get better."
I smiled, letting a small, nervous laugh escape my lips. He had no idea what my getting better entailed.
We walked a little while in silence before I mustered up the courage to begin my long explanation. "Dave, that's kinda what I need t' talk t' you about. Gettin' better, I mean," I clarified.
He looked a little scared, as though the worst scenarios suddenly came to mind, that maybe I wasn't just sick, I might be dying. "Alright," he forced out.
I sighed, then began where I figured I should. I explained how my mind had been trying to connect with another mind- *any* mind- for a long while, and, as well as I could, tried to tell him the correct reasons as Phlox had explained it all to me. I knew I wasn't going to do a very good job at it before I even started to explain, considering it was difficult to understand, but at least *David* seemed to grasp it.
"So, uh..." he began, scratching the back of his head absentmindedly. "This is something you really have to do, huh?"
"Yeah." I didn't say anything else, though things I thought about saying still ran through my mind.
"Well, it doesn't sound *too* bad..." he said, trying to make me feel better about the whole situation. It was only when he said that to me did I realize that I didn't tell him exactly why I was having trouble wanting to go through with this.
"What's it like? Do you know?"
I nodded. "I dunno if you remember... but a long time ago, we both did this same thing. We were over studying at my house, and you kissed me...."
A smile began to form over his lips. "I remember that."
"But I didn't know what this was at the time, and I got pretty scared," I told him, referring to being telepathic.
"I remember that too," he said, the smile gone now.
I looked at him for a minute before I asked, "Did... *you* feel anything?"
He looked like he wasn't sure for a minute, but then he said, "Yeah. I don't really remember it.... It was nice, though. I remember that."
There was an awkward silence as I fumbled for what to say.
"Maybe we should go back so Phlox can explain everything." He didn't notice my slight emphasis of "everything," which was probably a good thing.
When we arrived, and as I expected, Phlox gave me another look, something to the effect of- "Well?"
I nodded this time, knowing he really needed to take part in this discussion, as much as I dreaded it. I sat down, next to me on the bed David, while Phlox told the others to leave so he could speak to me in private. Everyone complied, though they silently wondered what we were going to talk about, and I'm sure also debated asking me later what it was all concerning. Dad, the only one realizing and understanding what it was all in regard to, gave me a reassuring smile as he exited, then closed the door behind him.
Phlox cleared his throat, calling our attention back to him and away from those leaving. "David, I assume you're probably wondering what exactly this is about." He turned his gaze on me. "You already explained why you've been brought here, is that correct?"
I nodded.
"But I gather that's where you stopped."
I nodded again.
"I believe I owe a more in-depth explanation before any decision is reached."
"Whaddya mean, 'before any decision is reached'?"
I looked at David, as did Phlox, who seemed more than slightly confused at our lack of clarification.
"As you know, K'Ela is in need of an individual whom she can join minds with," he explained right away- or at least much quicker than I would have expected. He must have prepared what he was going to say, I figured. "She has reached a point in her life span in which she hasn't had enough of this specific interaction-"
At this point, I couldn't help but blush. Phlox always had a very blunt way he went about saying things, which was fine, until he had to explain a situation like mine. It just made me embarrassed, more so since I had always compared it to the human equivalent.
"- and because of that, she is beginning to go through a period of, more or less, desperately reaching out. Her mind is attempting to make a telepathic connection on a deeper level- which I was told you two shared once before- and only when she successfully holds that connection for a length of time will she be able to recover. Do you understand that much?"
David nodded, straight-faced, obviously knowing there was more- and that none of it was going to be good. His face screwed up in deep thought as a question arose suddenly. "Can she do this with anyone?"
Phlox opened his mouth to speak, hesitated as he thought it over, then nodded in a somewhat awkward way. "I believe so. Yes."
"Then... what's so secretive? Why just me?"
David looked from me to Phlox, waiting for an answer.
"It's more a matter of whom she *wants* to do this with. Or... who would want to do this with her."
David again looked back at me, unsure of what to think or what to say. "K'Ela, what's going on?"
Phlox realized that he would be of no more help to this discussion, at least for the time being, and so turned away to the other end of the room, deciding he should leave our sight at least- he would not leave the room.
"Dave... um..." I began, turning to sit so I was facing him, one leg still dangling off the bed. "...D' you know about why my dad came back here?"
He nodded. "You," he said frankly, though it didn't really seem so at the moment.
"Yeah, but do you know *about* it?"
"Kinda.... I mean, my parents never told me all that much- it was like it was the only taboo thing to talk about in my house. But I couldn't help but hear some of the remarks as I got older, and knew just bits and pieces from reading old newspapers and stuff."
I still watched him, waiting for him to explain it to himself.
"K'Ela, c'mon, why do you want me t-?"
"Just do it, I've done it my whole life, you can tell me it *once*."
He chewed at his bottom lip, somewhat unwilling to continue. "He got pregnant on an away mission, okay?"
"Does it bother you t' hafta say it?"
"Course it does!" he admitted rather loudly, then realized how boisterous he was being, and gave a slightly quieter explanation. "It'd be hard for you too, if you'd lived in my house! Where Vulcans and Axanar and Andorians and Xyrillians all were untrustworthy intruders on *our* planet, and where talking about a Starfleet failure...."
He must have seen the hurt in my eyes, because he stopped right there.
"I'm sorry. It's just that... at that point...."
"No. I know." I guess it was disappointing to me to realize it was really true, and that I had always known that.
His eyes were distant, staring away from me, as he quietly said, "I was brought up to believe he was an embarrassment to Starfleet, to Earth, and that what he did was stupid." He laughed humorlessly. "My mom only talked to me about what happened when she found out you were in my class in second grade. Second grade.... Can you believe it? She disregarded the whole incident until it turned out she just couldn't ignore it anymore. She literally pretended like there never was any Commander Charles Tucker on Enterprise. It was really sad, but I accepted it. And not only that, she was teaching me to be prejudiced. And it wasn't until much later did I come to grips that the whole thing was sick."
He shook his head, as if trying to shake the whole experience from his head. "At first she tried to be understanding around me about it or something- told me not to ever stare when we saw you two... but it seemed that was all she ever did. After a while, she pretended to ignore it all, told me to stop every time I brought up a question or a story about you. I hated it. Every week I went to school and felt like you were the best friend I ever had, then I came home and you didn't exist anymore."
His jaw clenched shut as he tried to pull himself together. I could see the muscles in his cheeks twitching as he tried to stop from getting angry. He looked up at me, and I could see his eyes were misty. A very small laugh escaped him as he said, "You weren't the only one who had a crappy childhood, I guess."
I put my arms around him. He seemed to radiate the emotional hurt that still followed him, even now as an adult. I was so sure his parents refused to speak to him, now that it seemed he would be related to me and to my father someday soon, and so would they. It was ironic in a very sad way.
It took me a little while to realize that we had gotten very off-track from the point I was trying to get to. After he calmed and apologized for what happened, and after I told him it was fine, I decided I had to get back to what we had been talking about. It felt like I was running out of time and I wasn't sure why.
"It really bothers you so much... what happened t' him?"
His eyes looked up to meet mine. "I don't understand why you keep asking me that." I could tell he really did, he just didn't want to believe it.
"Then I can't ask you t' do this," I said quietly, ignoring what he said.
He said nothing, but I could tell his mind was racing.
Phlox came back from his previous place at the other end of the room, but saw that we had reached an awkward moment in our conversation, and thought against returning.
"No, I think maybe you need t' stay here, Doc," I told him, and so he turned to face us and nodded slightly.
"Alright."
David was still staring off into space, unsure of how to face his decision.
"Are you feeling well?" Phlox asked David, which broke his daze.
David just made a sound I assumed was a "yes," but he obviously wasn't.
"Well...." Phlox could obviously see how tense we both were. "I'm not sure if this is the right time to come to a resolution."
I looked at him, then I shook my head slowly. "I don't think so, Doc."
He tried not to let his own feelings show through to affect our settlement on anything, but I could tell he was surprised a bit at how quickly David made up his mind. Then again, I'm sure he knew his answer would be "no." He nodded, saying nothing.
"Did you find any alternative?"
He opened his mouth to begin an explanation, but then realized I wouldn't have any idea what he was talking about even if he *did* illustrate his point, so he just shook his head.
"You don't have to find one."
Both of us turned to David, who surprised us all by saying that after his long silence.
"What?" I asked, a little breathlessly.
"I'll do it."
His voice was a little hoarse, and he looked a little shaky, but he seemed determined. He took my hands in his, breathing out a long breath. "I'll do it."
***************
Okies, so everyone do your duty as a reader and review. ^ - ^
Chapter 13
No Other Choice
I could tell David was really worried for me. He wouldn't leave my side from the minute I walked back into that room. I knew he meant well, but... I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. It was hard to want to speak to him, especially since there wasn't much I really wanted to say, and nothing short of blurting out the whole situation was going to make me feel any better. I was sad to admit to myself that I didn't want to be around him, or around anyone else.
I really didn't talk to him much the day he came; it seemed like he just needed to make sure I was doing better, then do his best not to fuss over helping me as much as he really wanted to because he knew that I hated that. Thankfully, he didn't ask any questions about why I was so weak, or why I was hospitalized in the first place, which was a relief. But in turn, I barely spoke with him, and I could tell he was becoming suspicious of what was going on.
And, later- as if it all wasn't enough to make me go insane- proving me correct, Elisabeth was happy to admit that she actually *did* call David. I know she had no idea why I looked so down about that. I didn't want to tell her, either. It was none of her business- none of anyone's business- but my own. And it would have to be David's as well now, which upset me more than anything else. She couldn't understand what the problem was, but she must have just assumed that I didn't want him worried over me like he was.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked me. "You look a little sad."
"It's just that... I've been in this room for so long..." I lied. I was getting extremely sick of lying.
"Do you wanna take a walk? Might make you feel a little better."
I managed a smile. "Sure."
On the way out, Phlox shot me a look that inquired if I was going to tell David my problem. Instead of nodding or shaking my head, I just looked down at the floor, then at David. *I* wasn't even certain, so I wasn't going to corner myself into anything for sure.
We walked at a slow pace for a little while without saying a word to one another. It seemed a little unnecessary at the moment, and more than a little revealing, especially while we were still around so many patients.
I looked around the halls, so white and spotless. The entire place smelled of sterilization, and it seemed to me that it was far worse than the dinge of the attic, or the choking thickness of the damp air of the basement. I thought I would have gotten used to it by now, but it was more difficult than I thought. It was too clean, unnaturally clean, and every room stank of it- that and anesthesia. It was sickening.
"Do you think you'll get out of here soon?" he asked me, as if he knew exactly what I had been silently hoping. And considering what had been going on, that was borderline terrifying.
My mind flashed back to his young, teenage face staring back at me in my living room, our once linked minds broken from each other as I pulled away from him, my heart racing as I tried to understand, my blood racing through me as I tried to stay calm, his eyes staring into me as I tried to explain, my hands shaking as I handed him his books and pushed him away from me….
But I pulled myself back from that thought, that fear that it all might be happening again as it had years ago. It couldn't, so why be afraid? Just answer his question and forget it. "Uh... 'm not sure. It really depends."
He nodded. "Well... make sure you do what'cha can to get better."
I smiled, letting a small, nervous laugh escape my lips. He had no idea what my getting better entailed.
We walked a little while in silence before I mustered up the courage to begin my long explanation. "Dave, that's kinda what I need t' talk t' you about. Gettin' better, I mean," I clarified.
He looked a little scared, as though the worst scenarios suddenly came to mind, that maybe I wasn't just sick, I might be dying. "Alright," he forced out.
I sighed, then began where I figured I should. I explained how my mind had been trying to connect with another mind- *any* mind- for a long while, and, as well as I could, tried to tell him the correct reasons as Phlox had explained it all to me. I knew I wasn't going to do a very good job at it before I even started to explain, considering it was difficult to understand, but at least *David* seemed to grasp it.
"So, uh..." he began, scratching the back of his head absentmindedly. "This is something you really have to do, huh?"
"Yeah." I didn't say anything else, though things I thought about saying still ran through my mind.
"Well, it doesn't sound *too* bad..." he said, trying to make me feel better about the whole situation. It was only when he said that to me did I realize that I didn't tell him exactly why I was having trouble wanting to go through with this.
"What's it like? Do you know?"
I nodded. "I dunno if you remember... but a long time ago, we both did this same thing. We were over studying at my house, and you kissed me...."
A smile began to form over his lips. "I remember that."
"But I didn't know what this was at the time, and I got pretty scared," I told him, referring to being telepathic.
"I remember that too," he said, the smile gone now.
I looked at him for a minute before I asked, "Did... *you* feel anything?"
He looked like he wasn't sure for a minute, but then he said, "Yeah. I don't really remember it.... It was nice, though. I remember that."
There was an awkward silence as I fumbled for what to say.
"Maybe we should go back so Phlox can explain everything." He didn't notice my slight emphasis of "everything," which was probably a good thing.
When we arrived, and as I expected, Phlox gave me another look, something to the effect of- "Well?"
I nodded this time, knowing he really needed to take part in this discussion, as much as I dreaded it. I sat down, next to me on the bed David, while Phlox told the others to leave so he could speak to me in private. Everyone complied, though they silently wondered what we were going to talk about, and I'm sure also debated asking me later what it was all concerning. Dad, the only one realizing and understanding what it was all in regard to, gave me a reassuring smile as he exited, then closed the door behind him.
Phlox cleared his throat, calling our attention back to him and away from those leaving. "David, I assume you're probably wondering what exactly this is about." He turned his gaze on me. "You already explained why you've been brought here, is that correct?"
I nodded.
"But I gather that's where you stopped."
I nodded again.
"I believe I owe a more in-depth explanation before any decision is reached."
"Whaddya mean, 'before any decision is reached'?"
I looked at David, as did Phlox, who seemed more than slightly confused at our lack of clarification.
"As you know, K'Ela is in need of an individual whom she can join minds with," he explained right away- or at least much quicker than I would have expected. He must have prepared what he was going to say, I figured. "She has reached a point in her life span in which she hasn't had enough of this specific interaction-"
At this point, I couldn't help but blush. Phlox always had a very blunt way he went about saying things, which was fine, until he had to explain a situation like mine. It just made me embarrassed, more so since I had always compared it to the human equivalent.
"- and because of that, she is beginning to go through a period of, more or less, desperately reaching out. Her mind is attempting to make a telepathic connection on a deeper level- which I was told you two shared once before- and only when she successfully holds that connection for a length of time will she be able to recover. Do you understand that much?"
David nodded, straight-faced, obviously knowing there was more- and that none of it was going to be good. His face screwed up in deep thought as a question arose suddenly. "Can she do this with anyone?"
Phlox opened his mouth to speak, hesitated as he thought it over, then nodded in a somewhat awkward way. "I believe so. Yes."
"Then... what's so secretive? Why just me?"
David looked from me to Phlox, waiting for an answer.
"It's more a matter of whom she *wants* to do this with. Or... who would want to do this with her."
David again looked back at me, unsure of what to think or what to say. "K'Ela, what's going on?"
Phlox realized that he would be of no more help to this discussion, at least for the time being, and so turned away to the other end of the room, deciding he should leave our sight at least- he would not leave the room.
"Dave... um..." I began, turning to sit so I was facing him, one leg still dangling off the bed. "...D' you know about why my dad came back here?"
He nodded. "You," he said frankly, though it didn't really seem so at the moment.
"Yeah, but do you know *about* it?"
"Kinda.... I mean, my parents never told me all that much- it was like it was the only taboo thing to talk about in my house. But I couldn't help but hear some of the remarks as I got older, and knew just bits and pieces from reading old newspapers and stuff."
I still watched him, waiting for him to explain it to himself.
"K'Ela, c'mon, why do you want me t-?"
"Just do it, I've done it my whole life, you can tell me it *once*."
He chewed at his bottom lip, somewhat unwilling to continue. "He got pregnant on an away mission, okay?"
"Does it bother you t' hafta say it?"
"Course it does!" he admitted rather loudly, then realized how boisterous he was being, and gave a slightly quieter explanation. "It'd be hard for you too, if you'd lived in my house! Where Vulcans and Axanar and Andorians and Xyrillians all were untrustworthy intruders on *our* planet, and where talking about a Starfleet failure...."
He must have seen the hurt in my eyes, because he stopped right there.
"I'm sorry. It's just that... at that point...."
"No. I know." I guess it was disappointing to me to realize it was really true, and that I had always known that.
His eyes were distant, staring away from me, as he quietly said, "I was brought up to believe he was an embarrassment to Starfleet, to Earth, and that what he did was stupid." He laughed humorlessly. "My mom only talked to me about what happened when she found out you were in my class in second grade. Second grade.... Can you believe it? She disregarded the whole incident until it turned out she just couldn't ignore it anymore. She literally pretended like there never was any Commander Charles Tucker on Enterprise. It was really sad, but I accepted it. And not only that, she was teaching me to be prejudiced. And it wasn't until much later did I come to grips that the whole thing was sick."
He shook his head, as if trying to shake the whole experience from his head. "At first she tried to be understanding around me about it or something- told me not to ever stare when we saw you two... but it seemed that was all she ever did. After a while, she pretended to ignore it all, told me to stop every time I brought up a question or a story about you. I hated it. Every week I went to school and felt like you were the best friend I ever had, then I came home and you didn't exist anymore."
His jaw clenched shut as he tried to pull himself together. I could see the muscles in his cheeks twitching as he tried to stop from getting angry. He looked up at me, and I could see his eyes were misty. A very small laugh escaped him as he said, "You weren't the only one who had a crappy childhood, I guess."
I put my arms around him. He seemed to radiate the emotional hurt that still followed him, even now as an adult. I was so sure his parents refused to speak to him, now that it seemed he would be related to me and to my father someday soon, and so would they. It was ironic in a very sad way.
It took me a little while to realize that we had gotten very off-track from the point I was trying to get to. After he calmed and apologized for what happened, and after I told him it was fine, I decided I had to get back to what we had been talking about. It felt like I was running out of time and I wasn't sure why.
"It really bothers you so much... what happened t' him?"
His eyes looked up to meet mine. "I don't understand why you keep asking me that." I could tell he really did, he just didn't want to believe it.
"Then I can't ask you t' do this," I said quietly, ignoring what he said.
He said nothing, but I could tell his mind was racing.
Phlox came back from his previous place at the other end of the room, but saw that we had reached an awkward moment in our conversation, and thought against returning.
"No, I think maybe you need t' stay here, Doc," I told him, and so he turned to face us and nodded slightly.
"Alright."
David was still staring off into space, unsure of how to face his decision.
"Are you feeling well?" Phlox asked David, which broke his daze.
David just made a sound I assumed was a "yes," but he obviously wasn't.
"Well...." Phlox could obviously see how tense we both were. "I'm not sure if this is the right time to come to a resolution."
I looked at him, then I shook my head slowly. "I don't think so, Doc."
He tried not to let his own feelings show through to affect our settlement on anything, but I could tell he was surprised a bit at how quickly David made up his mind. Then again, I'm sure he knew his answer would be "no." He nodded, saying nothing.
"Did you find any alternative?"
He opened his mouth to begin an explanation, but then realized I wouldn't have any idea what he was talking about even if he *did* illustrate his point, so he just shook his head.
"You don't have to find one."
Both of us turned to David, who surprised us all by saying that after his long silence.
"What?" I asked, a little breathlessly.
"I'll do it."
His voice was a little hoarse, and he looked a little shaky, but he seemed determined. He took my hands in his, breathing out a long breath. "I'll do it."
***************
Okies, so everyone do your duty as a reader and review. ^ - ^