Strong Enough
Chapter 12
Zekk walked next to Kyp in silence, his bag slung over one shoulder. Tahiri had been reluctant to let him go, so much that she'd clung to him and had to be forcefully removed. It didn't help he felt like the lowest form of creature for bailing on her this quickly but he knew that the longer he stayed the harder it would be for him to leave. Tahiri had to learn to stand on her own two feet.
"This was an abrupt decision," Kyp said at last as they were nearing the docking bay, "what made you decide to leave?"
Zekk adjusted the grip on his bag, "It's time. I'm only causing more problems rather than helping solve them. Jaina has you and Tahiri needs to learn to stand on her own, without me as an emotional crutch. I have other responsibilities, to the council and to myself, that need to be discharged."
"Sounds an awful lot like you're trying to convince yourself, Zekk." Kyp commented, "Surely you don't believe that."
"Are you telling me I'm welcome to stay?"
Kyp shrugged. "Jaina would be disappointed if you left so soon."
"She has you, what's she need me for?"
Kyp chuckled. "You sound like a child who's been denied his favorite treat - or had it stolen from him."
Zekk slanted him a look. "Jaina is the best friend I've ever had, Kyp, my emotional entanglements notwithstanding. I don't see how my continued presence will help either of them. Jaina has enough to deal with without me hanging around."
"I won't deny that she's hard pressed at the moment, Zekk, but having you here has given her someone to talk to when I'm not around. I had to deal with Tahiri; I couldn't comfort her and Jaina at the same time. Whatever you said to Jay made her smile; it gave her the chance to get her equilibrium back. She may not have wanted to deal with Tahiri, but you gave her the courage to stand her ground."
"That's why I can't stay," Zekk admitted. "My feelings for her will never change Kyp and I can admit that it make me uncomfortable watching the two of you. Jaina has you to watch out for her. Tahiri now has the both of you. I think it's time to make myself scarce and find my own path. I've been helping others for so long I'm starting to lose myself in the bargain. Staying will only make things worse all around. I know it, you know it, just let it lie."
Kyp and Zekk stepped into the hangar bay together and Kyp froze. Something was wrong. Zekk stopped next to him, frowning. "Something's not... Look out!"
They ducked as a large beam slammed into the bulkheads above them and rolled to their feet.
Kyp's lightsaber was in his hand, his gaze scanning the deck immediately as the shouts of two female techs caught his notice.
"Oh man, are you two alright?"
"I'm sorry, so sorry... I... Master Durron? Kriff! Look what you did Jeka, you almost took the Jedi Master's head off!"
Kyp's good humor suddenly returned. "Jeka, Keti, was that beam yours?"
The two techs, obviously identical twins, nodded at once, their blonde ponytails bobbing in synch.
"Yes sir," Jeka responded, her hands twisting nervously in front of her.
"The cable broke before we could weld it into the superstructure. We're reinforcing the upper hull just as the General instructed." Keti finished.
Jeka smiled sheepishly. "It's my fault. I'm sorry Master Durron."
Kyp shrugged. "No harm done. Jeka, Keti, this is Zekk, he's a friend of Jaina's."
The blondes quickly shook Zekk's hands and his gaze lingered on each, seeming unable to come to terms with their identicalness. "Nice to meet you. Are you the two ladies who've been checking out my [i]Lightning Rod[/i]?"
They exchanged glances before looking back at the freighter and nodding. "Yup," Jeka told him smiling. "She may not look like much but the modifications you've given her are certainly impressive."
Kyp chuckled. "Zekk, it's been good having you here. Come back when you're back our way."
Zekk nodded, shaking Kyp's hand before wandering off with the tech's discussing his most prized possession.
Kyp shook his head, smiling. Zekk probably wouldn't be going anywhere tonight - he'd help the two young ladies, both his junior by a year, climb over his ship with a fine-toothed comb. Kyp shook his head, stepping back into the hallway and closing the door behind him.
"Kyp."
His head came up sharply. He knew that voice all too well. "Fel." He started walking, Jag staying planted in the center of the deserted corridor as Kyp came closer. Kyp stopped just within arm's reach. "Can I do something for you, Colonel?"
Jag didn't say anything at first, simply stared at Kyp, his face expressionless. Kyp's danger sense flared as Jag's hand came up, clenched in a fist, and struck him across the face. Kyp turned with the blow, minimizing the damage before turning his head back to look at Jag. He tasted blood and knew his teeth had cut into his lip. If he hadn't gone with the blow, it probably would have broken some teeth. Jag might be a pain in the posterior but he had one hell of a left. Kyp didn't smile. "That's the only free shot you're going to get Fel," he said softly.
Jag glared at him, that careful mask dissolving as if it'd never been. "What'd you do to her?" he demanded.
"Nothing." Kyp told him honestly. "She came to me."
"You expect me to believe that?" Jag demanded, his hands clenched into fists at his sides again.
Kyp didn't need the Force to know that Jag wanted to swing at him again, but this was neither the time nor the place for this confrontation. "It's the truth. Whether you believe it or not, doesn't change the facts."
Kyp blocked as Jag swung at him again, tuning the fist aside. The first one he deserved, he'd expected it and done nothing to avoid it but he wasn't going to allow some lovesick fool pound him to a pulp because of something he couldn't understand. And Jag obviously didn't understand why Jaina had chosen Kyp.
"You had to have done something," Jag spat. "She was happy with me, she was my fiancée!"
"Was," Kyp pointed out. "That implies she wasn't as happy as you thought." Jag swung again and Kyp blocked. "This isn't the time or the place for this!" Kyp told Jag fiercely, "If you want my blood so bad challenge me to one of your blasted Chiss rituals of honor or something. Don't turn this into something we'll both be reprimanded for in a public hallway!"
Jag seemed to remember his station all of a sudden and straightened. "If nothing else, you're right about that." He said stiffly. His hurt was still there but carefully controlled. "The gym, 2200, you and me and keep your Jedi powers out of it!" he spun on his heel, walking away, his step jerky with suppressed rage.
Kyp exhaled slowly and lifted one hand to gently touch his jaw. It was throbbing, swelling slightly, and he knew if Jaina saw it she'd be concerned. As much about the injury as the fight he and Jag were going to have. But he couldn't keep something like that from her; it wouldn't be fair.
Shaking his head, he used the Force to kill the swelling and some of the ache but not all. He wouldn't need reminders to keep his new appointment tonight, but he'd need one to remind himself what mistakes could cost him. Jag had had every right to slug him. Every right and more, Kyp admitted grudgingly. He might not like the young pilot, but he'd respected him. Respected him enough not to crush him when Jag had knocked him across the face. Enough that he'd keep the appointment tonight. Enough that he'd keep this contest between him and Jag, man to man, and leave the Force out of it. It was only fair.
Jaina stared at the sobbing Tahiri as the door closed behind Zekk and Kyp and was at a loss. How could she offer comfort to someone she barely tolerated? Did she even want to? She fought down the automatic response, the one that was screaming at her to get away before Tahiri's grief dragged her back into the pit she'd had to climb from not long ago. "Zekk will be back," she said at last. "He's not one to stay away for long."
Tahiri lifted her head. "You don't understand," she spat, her face streaked with tears, her eyes flashing fire. "Nobody understands."
"I know what it is to lose someone." Jaina insisted.
"Lose someone?" Tahiri's words were spiteful, her short laugh humorless. "How about losing your soulmate, Jaina? Have you ever lost that?"
The silence was thick in the room as Jaina felt the words keenly. She'd lost half her being when she'd thought Jacen dead, didn't that come close enough?
"No response?" Tahiri asked scornfully, pushing herself up and glaring at the other woman, "Not one of the famous Solo lectures? The clichés? The 'everything will be alright' speech? No words of wisdom for the girl who felt your brother die and knew she'd lost the most important thing, person, in her life?" Her lower lip trembled but the fire continued to flash in her eyes.
Jaina felt the tug of something on her mind and knew Tahiri was lashing out yet again, this time trying to break into Jaina's mind for ammunition, for something to add to her tirades. Jaina kept her out, focusing on the good of what had happened. She'd lost both brothers on that expedition. One to death, the other to Vergere's teachings. Jacen had come back, yes, but he was so changed she barely recognized him.
"Is that what this is about?" Jaina demanded. "Grief? Or is this about you wanting to die? About giving up when you know Anakin would want you to go on fighting? Yes, I said that's what Anakin would want because it's true! And you know it, Tahiri. You can't tell me it's not what he wanted because he gave himself up, he let go, so that we, you and I, could go on. Is this the legacy he left you with? Is this-"
Tahiri screamed, seeming to lose control completely as she lunged at Jaina, taking them both to the deck. "I'll kill you!" Tahiri screamed, tears streaking her cheeks. "He loved me, he promised he wouldn't go and he did! You know nothing! [i]Nothing[/i]!"
Jaina rolled with the tackle, unable to get the upper hand as Tahiri clawed at her face, pulling her hair and kicking at her body. The blonde was a whirlwind of destructive force, the waves of emotion radiating from her in an almost tangible manner. Jaina fought back the urge to take the younger woman down a notch or two - she didn't need that, she needed help. Tahiri needed to talk it out, to accept it and start to heal. If Jaina lashed back she wouldn't be helping Tahiri. Some Master she'd be.
Focusing on the Force, Jaina levered Tahiri off her and rolled to her feet. Tahiri scrambled to hers, her bare feet giving her excellent purchase on the floor. "Is that the best you've got?" Tahiri demanded, energy suddenly crackling about her hands and body, as she seemed to expand with the power.
Jaina narrowed her eyes, focusing carefully as Tahiri let the white-blue bolts loose, and absorbed them into her own body, killing the energy. Tahiri screamed, thwarted, and the wind whipped through the room again. "Tahiri!" Jaina spoke sharply, the full weight of the Force in her voice, killing the vortex with the one word and sending the younger woman to the ground.
Tahiri pushed herself up slowly before seeming to give up. She simply lay on the floor, not moving, not crying; not doing anything. Jaina sank to the floor across the room, watching her warily. Was this some trick or was it another of the lightning quick mood swings that seemed to take the tiny young woman by surprise? Jaina didn't know, wasn't sure if she dared to find out, before she silently scolded herself. Tahiri needed her help, she couldn't put herself and her own problems first if she wanted to help Tahiri start to heal, to give up the darkside tendencies she'd acquired. Crawling on hands and knees, she crossed the room to Tahiri's side and gently turned the other woman over.
Tahiri was awake, her eyes devoid of emotion as she stared at Jaina. "Does it ever stop hurting?" she asked brokenly, her voice barely audible.
Jaina pulled the other woman into her arms and hugged her tightly, feeling her loss acutely. The pain of losing Anakin, or feeling Jacen die, came back in a rush as Tahiri hugged her back, shaking but not crying, her voice hoarse yet soft. "Why does the anger make it stop?"
Jaina swallowed hard. "Because you don't have to deal with it," she answered honestly. "By becoming angry you burry it, you lock it away so that no one knows how much you hurt."
"Is that what you did?"
Jaina nodded. "In a way. I buried myself in my work. I let it take me so that I wouldn't have to deal with the loss. So that I wouldn't have to feel."
Tahiri continued to shake, as if fighting to keep still and suppress the anger, the hurt she was feeling, but Jaina somehow knew she was fighting a losing battle. A battle that would soon tear this Tahiri, the one who wanted help and was searching for it, from reality and into despair again. "It's not the way to deal with anything, Tahiri," Jaina insisted firmly. "Fight it. Fight the anger, let the real emotions come through."
"That's easy for you to say," Tahiri told her brokenly, and Jaina could feel the anger returning to her. "You have everything. You have Kyp and Zekk, you have Jacen. You had the choice to leave Jag. I never got that choice!" she pulled out of Jaina's arms and pushed to her feet, glaring.
Jaina rose to her feet deliberately. "This isn't going to solve anything. I left Jag because it was time. I don't love him, not the way I should, and how'd you find out about that anyway?"
Tahiri turned her face away, sinking to the bed. "I want to be alone," she said petulantly.
"Brooding isn't going to solve anything."
"And you would know?" came the quick barb. "The almighty Jaina who conquered the darkside because she had to, because she couldn't see the line that was right and wrong anymore? The Jaina that turned her back on her brothers when they needed her most?"
Jaina flinched. "I was given an order," she said softly. "I followed it like they wanted me to. The guilt is going to eat you alive, Tahiri, and you're letting it."
"I don't care!"
"That's obvious."
They both whirled at the sound of Kyp's voice. They'd been so engrossed in their argument, they hadn't heard the door open; they hadn't felt his presence. Kyp looked at Tahiri without emotion. "That's your first mistake, Tahiri. By not caring, you're losing the part of yourself Anakin care most for. Jaina, could I speak to you outside for a minute?"
Tahiri screamed at him as Jaina stepped outside, the door closing behind them and muting the sound of something crashing against the wall. She flinched. "I think I made things worse."
"At least you seemed to get through to her for a short time," he told her softly.
She frowned up at him. "Kyp, what happened to your face?"
Kyp lifted his hand to rub his jaw. "A certain Chiss Colonel decided to make his opinion of me public."
She was brushing his hand away immediately, checking his face carefully. "Jag." she didn't really need to ask, and it was more of a statement. She hadn't wanted to think that Jag would try to hurt Kyp, but a part of her had guessed and her heart sank when he nodded. "He shouldn't have dragged you into this," she told him with a sigh, closing her eyes briefly against the feeling of betrayal. The Jag she'd been engaged to would never have done this; he would have kept it between them.
"You brought me into this Jay, and I came willingly, remember?" he grasped her shoulders. "I was expecting it."
"Did he catch you by surprise then?"
He shook his head.
Her eyes narrowed. "You [i]let[/i] him hit you?!"
Kyp nodded. "I deserved it."
"Like hell you did!" she spat venomously. "If anyone deserved to be hit it was me! I made the decision, not you! I made you admit how you felt!"
Kyp chuckled. "Relax, your highness," he teased, "you'll work yourself into a frenzy."
She took a deep breath. "I'm going to talk to him."
He caught her arm and spun her back around as she turned to go. "You can't. Jag and I have an appointment tonight."
"To what? Beat the crap out of each other?"
"Something like that."
She glared at him, "Macho stuff?"
Kyp shrugged. "Jag won't believe you, love, he thinks it's my fault. No matter what you say, what you do, he'll always think it's my fault."
"Did you swing back at him at least?"
He chuckled. "No, Jay, I didn't and I won't until tonight. It's an honor thing. Want to come watch?"
"No thanks," she replied dryly, "I have better things to do than watch the two of you play out some sadistic male rutting ritual."
"You sure? It's going to be just him and me and the mat."
"You're not using the Force?"
"It would kind of kill the reason for the fight, wouldn't it?"
She grimaced, "True, but I don't want to see you hurt."
He affected a wounded look. "Ouch, Jay. You have so little faith in me?"
She sighed. "I know both of your physiques, Kyp, you're pretty well matched. If nothing else it should be an interesting fight. Don't hurt him too badly."
He dropped a light kiss on her lips. "Your wish is my command Goddess, but if he tries to break something or unman me, all promises are off."
She laughed huskily, pressing closer, "If he tries to unman you, I may have to kill him myself." She pulled his head back down, kissing him lingeringly before pulling away. "I should check back on Tahiri..."
Kyp shook his head. "She needs some time to think about what's been said to her today. Constant supervision, physical supervision," he amended, "will only deter her."
Jaina made a face. "I suppose I should check in with Wedge then." She sighed. Her relationship with Wedge was strained to say the least and she didn't look forward to speaking with him like she used to. "Unless you have a better idea?"
He grinned. "There are a couple of things I'd like to check on my X-Wing and then I think I'll take a nap. It might help if I was rested for tonight."
Jaina laughed softly, "I'm not tired, but would you like some company?"
"I'd love some..." Kyp ducked his head next to her ear, his next words soft. "Imagine that, I'm not tired either."
Jaina stepped away from him, staying close but not touching as they made their way back to his quarters. The broken door had him groaning. "I'd forgotten about that."
She slanted him a look. "You can use mine."
"Your door? Why, Goddess, I didn't know you were an exhibitionists!"
She punched him on the arm. "For shame. You can crash in my room as I finish my paperwork. How's that?"
He sighed. "I suppose."
Jaina bit the inside of her lip to keep from grinning. Paper work. Right.
Chapter 12
Zekk walked next to Kyp in silence, his bag slung over one shoulder. Tahiri had been reluctant to let him go, so much that she'd clung to him and had to be forcefully removed. It didn't help he felt like the lowest form of creature for bailing on her this quickly but he knew that the longer he stayed the harder it would be for him to leave. Tahiri had to learn to stand on her own two feet.
"This was an abrupt decision," Kyp said at last as they were nearing the docking bay, "what made you decide to leave?"
Zekk adjusted the grip on his bag, "It's time. I'm only causing more problems rather than helping solve them. Jaina has you and Tahiri needs to learn to stand on her own, without me as an emotional crutch. I have other responsibilities, to the council and to myself, that need to be discharged."
"Sounds an awful lot like you're trying to convince yourself, Zekk." Kyp commented, "Surely you don't believe that."
"Are you telling me I'm welcome to stay?"
Kyp shrugged. "Jaina would be disappointed if you left so soon."
"She has you, what's she need me for?"
Kyp chuckled. "You sound like a child who's been denied his favorite treat - or had it stolen from him."
Zekk slanted him a look. "Jaina is the best friend I've ever had, Kyp, my emotional entanglements notwithstanding. I don't see how my continued presence will help either of them. Jaina has enough to deal with without me hanging around."
"I won't deny that she's hard pressed at the moment, Zekk, but having you here has given her someone to talk to when I'm not around. I had to deal with Tahiri; I couldn't comfort her and Jaina at the same time. Whatever you said to Jay made her smile; it gave her the chance to get her equilibrium back. She may not have wanted to deal with Tahiri, but you gave her the courage to stand her ground."
"That's why I can't stay," Zekk admitted. "My feelings for her will never change Kyp and I can admit that it make me uncomfortable watching the two of you. Jaina has you to watch out for her. Tahiri now has the both of you. I think it's time to make myself scarce and find my own path. I've been helping others for so long I'm starting to lose myself in the bargain. Staying will only make things worse all around. I know it, you know it, just let it lie."
Kyp and Zekk stepped into the hangar bay together and Kyp froze. Something was wrong. Zekk stopped next to him, frowning. "Something's not... Look out!"
They ducked as a large beam slammed into the bulkheads above them and rolled to their feet.
Kyp's lightsaber was in his hand, his gaze scanning the deck immediately as the shouts of two female techs caught his notice.
"Oh man, are you two alright?"
"I'm sorry, so sorry... I... Master Durron? Kriff! Look what you did Jeka, you almost took the Jedi Master's head off!"
Kyp's good humor suddenly returned. "Jeka, Keti, was that beam yours?"
The two techs, obviously identical twins, nodded at once, their blonde ponytails bobbing in synch.
"Yes sir," Jeka responded, her hands twisting nervously in front of her.
"The cable broke before we could weld it into the superstructure. We're reinforcing the upper hull just as the General instructed." Keti finished.
Jeka smiled sheepishly. "It's my fault. I'm sorry Master Durron."
Kyp shrugged. "No harm done. Jeka, Keti, this is Zekk, he's a friend of Jaina's."
The blondes quickly shook Zekk's hands and his gaze lingered on each, seeming unable to come to terms with their identicalness. "Nice to meet you. Are you the two ladies who've been checking out my [i]Lightning Rod[/i]?"
They exchanged glances before looking back at the freighter and nodding. "Yup," Jeka told him smiling. "She may not look like much but the modifications you've given her are certainly impressive."
Kyp chuckled. "Zekk, it's been good having you here. Come back when you're back our way."
Zekk nodded, shaking Kyp's hand before wandering off with the tech's discussing his most prized possession.
Kyp shook his head, smiling. Zekk probably wouldn't be going anywhere tonight - he'd help the two young ladies, both his junior by a year, climb over his ship with a fine-toothed comb. Kyp shook his head, stepping back into the hallway and closing the door behind him.
"Kyp."
His head came up sharply. He knew that voice all too well. "Fel." He started walking, Jag staying planted in the center of the deserted corridor as Kyp came closer. Kyp stopped just within arm's reach. "Can I do something for you, Colonel?"
Jag didn't say anything at first, simply stared at Kyp, his face expressionless. Kyp's danger sense flared as Jag's hand came up, clenched in a fist, and struck him across the face. Kyp turned with the blow, minimizing the damage before turning his head back to look at Jag. He tasted blood and knew his teeth had cut into his lip. If he hadn't gone with the blow, it probably would have broken some teeth. Jag might be a pain in the posterior but he had one hell of a left. Kyp didn't smile. "That's the only free shot you're going to get Fel," he said softly.
Jag glared at him, that careful mask dissolving as if it'd never been. "What'd you do to her?" he demanded.
"Nothing." Kyp told him honestly. "She came to me."
"You expect me to believe that?" Jag demanded, his hands clenched into fists at his sides again.
Kyp didn't need the Force to know that Jag wanted to swing at him again, but this was neither the time nor the place for this confrontation. "It's the truth. Whether you believe it or not, doesn't change the facts."
Kyp blocked as Jag swung at him again, tuning the fist aside. The first one he deserved, he'd expected it and done nothing to avoid it but he wasn't going to allow some lovesick fool pound him to a pulp because of something he couldn't understand. And Jag obviously didn't understand why Jaina had chosen Kyp.
"You had to have done something," Jag spat. "She was happy with me, she was my fiancée!"
"Was," Kyp pointed out. "That implies she wasn't as happy as you thought." Jag swung again and Kyp blocked. "This isn't the time or the place for this!" Kyp told Jag fiercely, "If you want my blood so bad challenge me to one of your blasted Chiss rituals of honor or something. Don't turn this into something we'll both be reprimanded for in a public hallway!"
Jag seemed to remember his station all of a sudden and straightened. "If nothing else, you're right about that." He said stiffly. His hurt was still there but carefully controlled. "The gym, 2200, you and me and keep your Jedi powers out of it!" he spun on his heel, walking away, his step jerky with suppressed rage.
Kyp exhaled slowly and lifted one hand to gently touch his jaw. It was throbbing, swelling slightly, and he knew if Jaina saw it she'd be concerned. As much about the injury as the fight he and Jag were going to have. But he couldn't keep something like that from her; it wouldn't be fair.
Shaking his head, he used the Force to kill the swelling and some of the ache but not all. He wouldn't need reminders to keep his new appointment tonight, but he'd need one to remind himself what mistakes could cost him. Jag had had every right to slug him. Every right and more, Kyp admitted grudgingly. He might not like the young pilot, but he'd respected him. Respected him enough not to crush him when Jag had knocked him across the face. Enough that he'd keep the appointment tonight. Enough that he'd keep this contest between him and Jag, man to man, and leave the Force out of it. It was only fair.
Jaina stared at the sobbing Tahiri as the door closed behind Zekk and Kyp and was at a loss. How could she offer comfort to someone she barely tolerated? Did she even want to? She fought down the automatic response, the one that was screaming at her to get away before Tahiri's grief dragged her back into the pit she'd had to climb from not long ago. "Zekk will be back," she said at last. "He's not one to stay away for long."
Tahiri lifted her head. "You don't understand," she spat, her face streaked with tears, her eyes flashing fire. "Nobody understands."
"I know what it is to lose someone." Jaina insisted.
"Lose someone?" Tahiri's words were spiteful, her short laugh humorless. "How about losing your soulmate, Jaina? Have you ever lost that?"
The silence was thick in the room as Jaina felt the words keenly. She'd lost half her being when she'd thought Jacen dead, didn't that come close enough?
"No response?" Tahiri asked scornfully, pushing herself up and glaring at the other woman, "Not one of the famous Solo lectures? The clichés? The 'everything will be alright' speech? No words of wisdom for the girl who felt your brother die and knew she'd lost the most important thing, person, in her life?" Her lower lip trembled but the fire continued to flash in her eyes.
Jaina felt the tug of something on her mind and knew Tahiri was lashing out yet again, this time trying to break into Jaina's mind for ammunition, for something to add to her tirades. Jaina kept her out, focusing on the good of what had happened. She'd lost both brothers on that expedition. One to death, the other to Vergere's teachings. Jacen had come back, yes, but he was so changed she barely recognized him.
"Is that what this is about?" Jaina demanded. "Grief? Or is this about you wanting to die? About giving up when you know Anakin would want you to go on fighting? Yes, I said that's what Anakin would want because it's true! And you know it, Tahiri. You can't tell me it's not what he wanted because he gave himself up, he let go, so that we, you and I, could go on. Is this the legacy he left you with? Is this-"
Tahiri screamed, seeming to lose control completely as she lunged at Jaina, taking them both to the deck. "I'll kill you!" Tahiri screamed, tears streaking her cheeks. "He loved me, he promised he wouldn't go and he did! You know nothing! [i]Nothing[/i]!"
Jaina rolled with the tackle, unable to get the upper hand as Tahiri clawed at her face, pulling her hair and kicking at her body. The blonde was a whirlwind of destructive force, the waves of emotion radiating from her in an almost tangible manner. Jaina fought back the urge to take the younger woman down a notch or two - she didn't need that, she needed help. Tahiri needed to talk it out, to accept it and start to heal. If Jaina lashed back she wouldn't be helping Tahiri. Some Master she'd be.
Focusing on the Force, Jaina levered Tahiri off her and rolled to her feet. Tahiri scrambled to hers, her bare feet giving her excellent purchase on the floor. "Is that the best you've got?" Tahiri demanded, energy suddenly crackling about her hands and body, as she seemed to expand with the power.
Jaina narrowed her eyes, focusing carefully as Tahiri let the white-blue bolts loose, and absorbed them into her own body, killing the energy. Tahiri screamed, thwarted, and the wind whipped through the room again. "Tahiri!" Jaina spoke sharply, the full weight of the Force in her voice, killing the vortex with the one word and sending the younger woman to the ground.
Tahiri pushed herself up slowly before seeming to give up. She simply lay on the floor, not moving, not crying; not doing anything. Jaina sank to the floor across the room, watching her warily. Was this some trick or was it another of the lightning quick mood swings that seemed to take the tiny young woman by surprise? Jaina didn't know, wasn't sure if she dared to find out, before she silently scolded herself. Tahiri needed her help, she couldn't put herself and her own problems first if she wanted to help Tahiri start to heal, to give up the darkside tendencies she'd acquired. Crawling on hands and knees, she crossed the room to Tahiri's side and gently turned the other woman over.
Tahiri was awake, her eyes devoid of emotion as she stared at Jaina. "Does it ever stop hurting?" she asked brokenly, her voice barely audible.
Jaina pulled the other woman into her arms and hugged her tightly, feeling her loss acutely. The pain of losing Anakin, or feeling Jacen die, came back in a rush as Tahiri hugged her back, shaking but not crying, her voice hoarse yet soft. "Why does the anger make it stop?"
Jaina swallowed hard. "Because you don't have to deal with it," she answered honestly. "By becoming angry you burry it, you lock it away so that no one knows how much you hurt."
"Is that what you did?"
Jaina nodded. "In a way. I buried myself in my work. I let it take me so that I wouldn't have to deal with the loss. So that I wouldn't have to feel."
Tahiri continued to shake, as if fighting to keep still and suppress the anger, the hurt she was feeling, but Jaina somehow knew she was fighting a losing battle. A battle that would soon tear this Tahiri, the one who wanted help and was searching for it, from reality and into despair again. "It's not the way to deal with anything, Tahiri," Jaina insisted firmly. "Fight it. Fight the anger, let the real emotions come through."
"That's easy for you to say," Tahiri told her brokenly, and Jaina could feel the anger returning to her. "You have everything. You have Kyp and Zekk, you have Jacen. You had the choice to leave Jag. I never got that choice!" she pulled out of Jaina's arms and pushed to her feet, glaring.
Jaina rose to her feet deliberately. "This isn't going to solve anything. I left Jag because it was time. I don't love him, not the way I should, and how'd you find out about that anyway?"
Tahiri turned her face away, sinking to the bed. "I want to be alone," she said petulantly.
"Brooding isn't going to solve anything."
"And you would know?" came the quick barb. "The almighty Jaina who conquered the darkside because she had to, because she couldn't see the line that was right and wrong anymore? The Jaina that turned her back on her brothers when they needed her most?"
Jaina flinched. "I was given an order," she said softly. "I followed it like they wanted me to. The guilt is going to eat you alive, Tahiri, and you're letting it."
"I don't care!"
"That's obvious."
They both whirled at the sound of Kyp's voice. They'd been so engrossed in their argument, they hadn't heard the door open; they hadn't felt his presence. Kyp looked at Tahiri without emotion. "That's your first mistake, Tahiri. By not caring, you're losing the part of yourself Anakin care most for. Jaina, could I speak to you outside for a minute?"
Tahiri screamed at him as Jaina stepped outside, the door closing behind them and muting the sound of something crashing against the wall. She flinched. "I think I made things worse."
"At least you seemed to get through to her for a short time," he told her softly.
She frowned up at him. "Kyp, what happened to your face?"
Kyp lifted his hand to rub his jaw. "A certain Chiss Colonel decided to make his opinion of me public."
She was brushing his hand away immediately, checking his face carefully. "Jag." she didn't really need to ask, and it was more of a statement. She hadn't wanted to think that Jag would try to hurt Kyp, but a part of her had guessed and her heart sank when he nodded. "He shouldn't have dragged you into this," she told him with a sigh, closing her eyes briefly against the feeling of betrayal. The Jag she'd been engaged to would never have done this; he would have kept it between them.
"You brought me into this Jay, and I came willingly, remember?" he grasped her shoulders. "I was expecting it."
"Did he catch you by surprise then?"
He shook his head.
Her eyes narrowed. "You [i]let[/i] him hit you?!"
Kyp nodded. "I deserved it."
"Like hell you did!" she spat venomously. "If anyone deserved to be hit it was me! I made the decision, not you! I made you admit how you felt!"
Kyp chuckled. "Relax, your highness," he teased, "you'll work yourself into a frenzy."
She took a deep breath. "I'm going to talk to him."
He caught her arm and spun her back around as she turned to go. "You can't. Jag and I have an appointment tonight."
"To what? Beat the crap out of each other?"
"Something like that."
She glared at him, "Macho stuff?"
Kyp shrugged. "Jag won't believe you, love, he thinks it's my fault. No matter what you say, what you do, he'll always think it's my fault."
"Did you swing back at him at least?"
He chuckled. "No, Jay, I didn't and I won't until tonight. It's an honor thing. Want to come watch?"
"No thanks," she replied dryly, "I have better things to do than watch the two of you play out some sadistic male rutting ritual."
"You sure? It's going to be just him and me and the mat."
"You're not using the Force?"
"It would kind of kill the reason for the fight, wouldn't it?"
She grimaced, "True, but I don't want to see you hurt."
He affected a wounded look. "Ouch, Jay. You have so little faith in me?"
She sighed. "I know both of your physiques, Kyp, you're pretty well matched. If nothing else it should be an interesting fight. Don't hurt him too badly."
He dropped a light kiss on her lips. "Your wish is my command Goddess, but if he tries to break something or unman me, all promises are off."
She laughed huskily, pressing closer, "If he tries to unman you, I may have to kill him myself." She pulled his head back down, kissing him lingeringly before pulling away. "I should check back on Tahiri..."
Kyp shook his head. "She needs some time to think about what's been said to her today. Constant supervision, physical supervision," he amended, "will only deter her."
Jaina made a face. "I suppose I should check in with Wedge then." She sighed. Her relationship with Wedge was strained to say the least and she didn't look forward to speaking with him like she used to. "Unless you have a better idea?"
He grinned. "There are a couple of things I'd like to check on my X-Wing and then I think I'll take a nap. It might help if I was rested for tonight."
Jaina laughed softly, "I'm not tired, but would you like some company?"
"I'd love some..." Kyp ducked his head next to her ear, his next words soft. "Imagine that, I'm not tired either."
Jaina stepped away from him, staying close but not touching as they made their way back to his quarters. The broken door had him groaning. "I'd forgotten about that."
She slanted him a look. "You can use mine."
"Your door? Why, Goddess, I didn't know you were an exhibitionists!"
She punched him on the arm. "For shame. You can crash in my room as I finish my paperwork. How's that?"
He sighed. "I suppose."
Jaina bit the inside of her lip to keep from grinning. Paper work. Right.