Strong Enough
Chapter 14
Kyp was there when Jaina arrived, his expression bleak as he held the limp blonde in his arms. Jaina stood frozen in the doorway, her eyes wide as she stared into Kyp's eyes. No. No, she couldn't be... she wouldn't... would she? Jaina swallowed hard. "Is she...?" she could barely voice the words and was unable to finish the question as her knees buckled and she slid to the floor.
Kyp shook his head. "She's alive." He said quietly.
Jaina closed her eyes, relief surging through her. Tahiri was alive. Then what... what had led her to believe she wouldn't be here? She opened her eyes slowly. "What happened?"
Kyp pushed himself to his feet, cradling Tahiri in his arms and moving to place her on the bed. "I came to check on her before going to you."
She swallowed, "And?"
"She attacked me."
Jaina's gaze went to the two lightsabers lying off to one side. Kyp's was intact - Tahiri's wasn't. How had she gotten it? "So what's wrong with her then?"
"I'm blocking her Force powers." He said quietly, turning from the bunk and stepping towards her just as Zekk appeared in the doorway, his eyes haunted. "She's alive."
Zekk pushed past Jaina and darted to Tahiri's bedside. He reached for her, only to draw back, appalled. "I can't sense her!" he rounded on Kyp, "What did you do?"
Jaina extended her senses and recoiled. Tahiri was a blank spot in the Force. "Kyp?" she whispered, her eyes beseeching him for an explanation.
Kyp bent to pick up his lightsaber, gathering the pieces of Tahiri's at the same time before turning to meet Zekk's accusatory glare. "I've suppressed the Force around her entirely. Like a Ysalamiri bubble. I don't have the power to strip her of her Force powers, I don't think any one Jedi does, but she can't go on like this. Maybe by making her deal with her emotions as a normal person does, she can finally begin to heal."
"You're taking away one of her links to Anakin!" Zekk told him sharply. "Her only link to him, you could kill her with this!"
Kyp held his ground. "She's my apprentice, Zekk," he said softly, "I don't like doing it, but I'm running out of options. She can't be allowed to continue running rampant, she can't be allowed to work this out without some interference. She's losing her battle. Her attack on me tonight proves that. She wants to die and we can't let her."
Zekk turned away, going back to Tahiri and pulling the young woman's unconscious body into his arms, cradling her against his chest. His every move professed his affection, his love, for the young woman. A brotherly love, but love nonetheless. "So what will she do now? Forceless and without... Anakin?" he lifted his gaze to the other Jedi.
Kyp crossed the room, gently helping Jaina to her feet and wrapping an arm around her waist. "We wait until she wakes. She's going to be desolate without her powers. But this way she can't hurt anyone when she gets angry."
Zekk gently stroked Tahiri's hair, scooting backwards so he was leaning against the wall. "What happened when she attacked you?"
Kyp sighed, his grip tightening on Jaina fractionally. "She jumped me as I came in the door. If I'd been anyone else she might have killed me. A senseless death would start her down a path I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Both of you know what it is to kill, to feel the despair of the darkside. I want to spare her that. If suppressing her powers until she can deal with Anakin's death is the safest way to do it, so be it."
"But, I was just starting to get through to her." Jaina whispered, staring at the blonde who'd helped turn her life upside down. "I thought she was finally understanding."
"A part of her does, Jay," Kyp told her softly, "but that part is losing the war. No, this is for the best. Zekk, could you take her to the room you were in before?"
Zekk nodded. "You want me to lock her in there alone?"
Kyp closed his eyes briefly. "I don't like it any more than you do, but it's best she be allowed to wake up alone and deal with this loss in whatever fashion she feels she needs to. Once she's calmer, we'll explain it to her."
"Give your ultimatum, you mean." Zekk slid off the bunk, cradling the young woman in his arms. "Did you even consider she might not want your help, Durron?"
Kyp smiled faintly, running a hand through his hair. "It's crossed my mind. Help or leave, Zekk. Either way she's got to be helped before she kills herself. And, believe me, that's her motive."
"How do you know?"
Kyp met the flashing emerald eyes of the younger man head on. "I read her mind, how else? It was in her surface thoughts. She doesn't want the pain or the responsibility of being the reason of Anakin's sacrifice. She doesn't want to remember, to feel. She wants to die, to join him in death, but it's not that simple. Anakin wouldn't want that for her."
Zekk bowed his head for a moment before nodding. "I may not like your methods, but your reasoning is sound." He carried Tahiri from the room before Jaina leaned into Kyp, turning to hug him fiercely.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Because, love," he said softly. "She's our responsibility."
"I mean, why come check on her before coming to me?"
He smiled faintly. "Because she's our responsibility." He repeated. "Something in her eyes during the fight today made me edgy. I couldn't sense her and I thought she might lash out at the crowd. But she didn't. She behaved and that made me leery. I had to see her, to talk to her about what happened, but I didn't get the chance. The fight between Jag and I brought back memories for her. Painful memories. I think seeing me was the last straw."
"But to block her powers?"
"I had to." He hugged her tightly. "If I'd been anyone else she'd have caught me by surprise, Jay. Even you or Zekk. She was shielding herself until I entered. I only hade my lightsaber in hand because I was suspicious. You wouldn't have, nor Zekk. She would have killed or hurt you before someone could stop her. I couldn't allow that."
She closed her eyes and nodded. "I know. Come on, you look exhausted, I'll tuck you in."
They left the room, Kyp's silence more telling than words. His encounter with Tahiri had been brief but brutal. She was either going to learn to live again or kill herself in a conventional way. Either way they had to keep a close eye on her. Starting tomorrow she'd have round the clock protection. Zekk could have first watch.
"She's impossible!" Jaina spat the words, stomping into her room later the next evening to find Kyp still sleeping.
Her rude words jolted him from his nap, his eyes snapping open on reflex before he relaxed back into the mattress. "Ugh, Jay, please, not now."
"Not now? The great Jedi Master Kyp Durron has gone and unleashed Hell on this ship and he says 'Not now'?!" She grabbed the sheets with the intention of dragging them off him but thought better of it before she tugged. A sleepy irritated Kyp she could deal with. A sleepy, sexy, nearly naked Kyp and she wouldn't be able to form a complete sentence. She settled for something easier, repeating her earlier statement. "She's impossible!"
Kyp sighed, rolling onto his side. He was sleeping in her room, thanks to his own lacking a door and privacy, but times like these it was detrimental to his health. "I don't know what you want me to do about it."
"Giving her back her Force powers would be a good start."
"I can't do that, Jaina, you know that."
Jaina sighed, taking a deep breath before letting it go. Staying at him wasn't easy; he was simply too adorable for his own good. She reached over, ruffling his shaggy, unruly hair as she sat on the edge of the bed. "I know. She's just... I swear if it can break, it's broken in that room of hers."
"You expected something else?"
"From her?" she snorted. "Yeah, I suppose I did. She won't even talk to me. And before you say anything, I tried. Believe me I tried, I even held my temper at her childishness, but she's not responding at all!" She bent forward, her hands dangling limply between her knees. She looked exhausted.
Kyp pushed himself up on one elbow, reaching out to gently stroke the curve of her spine, her body subconsciously leaning into his touch. "Give her time, Goddess. I've stolen a very important piece of her life and she's nowhere near used to it yet. She doesn't understand why I did what I did, but she knows it was me."
"Does she know the toll it's taking on you?" Jaina turned her head, her hair falling across her shoulder before she had a chance to catch it.
Kyp reached up to brush her hair behind her ear, his fingers gently teasing the sensitive skin of her neck as he left it on her shoulder. "Would it matter if she did? I'm powerful, Jay, but I'm also human. Until she deals with her grief, I'm afraid I'm out of action."
Jaina sighed. "Sometimes being a Jedi sucks. You and Jag are both gone, so who's going to fly with me? I'm losing my best pilots."
"Zekk could fly with you."
She appeared to consider the idea before shaking her head reluctantly. "No. Tahiri needs him now more than ever. He's the only one she's willing to talk to."
"All the more reason to take him away."
"Kyp!" she looked at him shocked.
He sighed, his hand dropping back to the bed. "I don't like to be the bad guy in this, Jaina, but Tahiri needs to learn to rely on herself. This is the perfect time to be giving Zekk something else to do. You and he work well as a team, I remember from watching you when you were younger. He'd be the perfect wingman."
She arched an eyebrow, simply looking at him.
Kyp grinned. "Well, ok, almost the perfect wingman, I'm better."
She laughed, turning towards him and ruffling his hair again. "That's the Kyp I know and love."
He caught her hair. "Stop it."
"Why? I think you're adorable when you wake up."
He chuckled. "You make me feel like I'm twelve when you ruffle my hair."
"Twelve?" She tried to free her hand to do it again but he wouldn't let it go. She lifted her other hand instead and he caught that one too, but sent himself back to the mattress. His loss of leverage affected her balance and she went sprawling across his chest, her laughter muffled by his shoulder.
"You find this amusing?"
"Don't you?" she came back, lifting her head so he could see the way her brown eyes sparkled with amusement. "We're adults and we're acting like children. We should know better."
He didn't relinquish her hands as she tried to move, simply kept her where she was by the pressure on her wrists and arms. "I think it's enchanting. Not to mention captivating."
"The only captive is me," she remarked, tongue in cheek, "and from the look in your eye that's not going to change any time soon."
"Would you like it to?"
"Whatever gave you that idea?" she asked softly, bending down to cover his lips with her own. The kiss was slow, deep and soul shaking. A temptation and a dare that neither had the time to explore again. It was a promise of things to come and of things that had been. It was as much a merging of two souls as mouths and Jaina melted across him, purring softly in the back of her throat as his thumbs stroked the sensitive skin on the inside of her wrists.
She reluctantly drew away, her eyes fluttering open to stare into the brilliant storm of emotions raging in Kyp's. He released her hands, gently cupping her face as his eyes searched for something in her expression. She saw confusion in his, wondering what he could be confused about. "Whatever did I do to deserve you." He murmured softly.
She opened her mouth to respond but he leaned forward, gently kissing first one eye shut and then the other before his lips began a soft, passionate, almost reverent exploration of her face. Tears stung the back of her eyes. He was so gentle, so loving she thought she would die at his next touch. She didn't deserve this, not the way she'd come storming in, disturbing his peace. She swallowed hard and pulled away, opening her eyes to look at him, but he was blurry.
He wiped her tears away with the softest of touches. "Don't cry, Jay." He urged softly. "There's no reason for tears. Not here, not between us. Never between us."
"Kyp." She murmured brokenly. She tucked herself close to him, burying her face in his shoulder unable to explain her sudden mood swing. She clung to him, savoring the feel of his hands on her back, gently stroking her hair. Soaking up the feel of his strength beneath her, surrounding her. How had she almost given this up without realizing it? How had she ever settled for second best?
Kyp, sensing her shift, held her tightly and tucked her close to his body. Sheltering her as best he could, he rolled slightly towards her until she was stretched out beside him, her face still buried in his shoulder. Why was she crying? He couldn't figure it out. "Jay? You ok?"
She lifted her head, brushing an impatient hand across her face, and smiled a shaky smile. "I'm fine. I think it just hit me exactly how close I came to losing you without realizing what it was that I'd lost. Hold me Kyp, hold me and never let me forget, never let me doubt."
He obliged, rolling until she was curled close to him, her head tucked under his chin. He held her tightly, her words echoing in his head. How close she'd come to losing him. He squeezed his eyes shut. He'd almost lost her, and known what it was he was losing. If she'd married Jag she'd have never known she'd lost him or what was missing. Silently he thanked whatever force had finally brought her to him and held her closer. On the heels of that thanks he sent a prayer that they wouldn't soon be torn apart. He refused to let anyone or anything take her from him. Finding her only to lose her would kill him. And, this time, there'd be no coming back. He wouldn't want to.
"Get OUT!"
"Tahiri, I-"
"Get out, get out, GET OUT!" She screamed, picking up a piece of the twisted chair and hurling at Zekk. "Leave me alone, why can't you all just let me die in peace?"
Zekk's heart twisted painfully in his chest as the projectile dropped to the floor in front of him. "We love you," he told her emphatically, "we can't just let you die!"
"Why not?" she demanded, tears streaking her face as she glared at him, her chest heaving with anger and grief. "Why the kriff not? You all let Anakin die, every last one of you just let him go, but I can't! I [i]can't[/i]! He's everywhere, everything reminds me of him and I just want to die so I can be with him! Is that too much to ask?"
"Yes."
Tahiri whirled on the soft new voice and took a step back, choking on a sob. "You wanted to," she snapped, her voice breaking. "Why am I not allowed to do the same?"
Jaina looked at the younger woman steadily. "I won't deny that I wanted to die when I'd thought I'd lost both Anakin and Jacen. I wanted to make someone pay, more than I wanted to die, though. You just want to die to end your suffering. Welcome to the real world, Tahiri. You don't always get what you want. Kyp pulled me back from a darkside spiral because he loved me. We love you, Kyp, Zekk and me, and we don't want to see you go through what I did."
"It made you stronger." Tahiri choked, backing against the edge of her bed. "I want to be stronger, I want to be better, but it hurts." She slid to the ground. "It hurts so much." She whispered, clenching her fist in the material of her shirt over her heart. "I just want it to stop hurting."
Zekk backed against the side of the door, watching as Jaina approached the unstable young woman. Kyp had been right to block her Force powers, he decided reluctantly. Anything else and Tahiri would have eventually tried to tear the ship apart.
Jaina crouched in front of Tahiri, meeting her tear soaked gaze, her own brown eyes glittering with tears. "I know it hurts," she whispered softly. "And I know you're in pain, more pain than any of us, because of your bond with my brother, but we want to help you. We want to help you bear your burden. Anakin is still here, Tahiri, even though we can't see him."
Tahiri launched herself at Jaina, sobbing brokenly against her shoulder. "I want to believe that." She choked, her tears soaking the material of Jaina's flight suit.
Jaina stroked her hair awkwardly, cradling the smaller woman against her chest. "I know you do," she assured her gently, "and you can. You have to believe that a part of him is still a live to make living more bearable. We all do. He left you a legacy, Tahiri. He loved you, still does, and always will. Don't let your anger and pain poison that, please?"
Tahiri didn't reply simply continued to cry. Zekk approached, crouching next to Jaina and looking at her. She could read the emotions in his eyes as if he'd spoken them. He wanted to touch Tahiri, to physically reassure her that she wasn't alone, but wasn't sure if she'd accept his touch. Jaina shook her head reluctantly. If Zekk touched her, Tahiri was liable to break and, with the headway she'd just made, she couldn't afford a back spin.
Zekk reluctantly moved away, getting to his feet, and left the room. The door closed behind him and Jaina bent her head to rest it against Tahiri's. She was in pain, and mourning. Time would heal all of her wounds, or at least make them bearable, but for now, Jaina simply let her cry. And cry she did.
Chapter 14
Kyp was there when Jaina arrived, his expression bleak as he held the limp blonde in his arms. Jaina stood frozen in the doorway, her eyes wide as she stared into Kyp's eyes. No. No, she couldn't be... she wouldn't... would she? Jaina swallowed hard. "Is she...?" she could barely voice the words and was unable to finish the question as her knees buckled and she slid to the floor.
Kyp shook his head. "She's alive." He said quietly.
Jaina closed her eyes, relief surging through her. Tahiri was alive. Then what... what had led her to believe she wouldn't be here? She opened her eyes slowly. "What happened?"
Kyp pushed himself to his feet, cradling Tahiri in his arms and moving to place her on the bed. "I came to check on her before going to you."
She swallowed, "And?"
"She attacked me."
Jaina's gaze went to the two lightsabers lying off to one side. Kyp's was intact - Tahiri's wasn't. How had she gotten it? "So what's wrong with her then?"
"I'm blocking her Force powers." He said quietly, turning from the bunk and stepping towards her just as Zekk appeared in the doorway, his eyes haunted. "She's alive."
Zekk pushed past Jaina and darted to Tahiri's bedside. He reached for her, only to draw back, appalled. "I can't sense her!" he rounded on Kyp, "What did you do?"
Jaina extended her senses and recoiled. Tahiri was a blank spot in the Force. "Kyp?" she whispered, her eyes beseeching him for an explanation.
Kyp bent to pick up his lightsaber, gathering the pieces of Tahiri's at the same time before turning to meet Zekk's accusatory glare. "I've suppressed the Force around her entirely. Like a Ysalamiri bubble. I don't have the power to strip her of her Force powers, I don't think any one Jedi does, but she can't go on like this. Maybe by making her deal with her emotions as a normal person does, she can finally begin to heal."
"You're taking away one of her links to Anakin!" Zekk told him sharply. "Her only link to him, you could kill her with this!"
Kyp held his ground. "She's my apprentice, Zekk," he said softly, "I don't like doing it, but I'm running out of options. She can't be allowed to continue running rampant, she can't be allowed to work this out without some interference. She's losing her battle. Her attack on me tonight proves that. She wants to die and we can't let her."
Zekk turned away, going back to Tahiri and pulling the young woman's unconscious body into his arms, cradling her against his chest. His every move professed his affection, his love, for the young woman. A brotherly love, but love nonetheless. "So what will she do now? Forceless and without... Anakin?" he lifted his gaze to the other Jedi.
Kyp crossed the room, gently helping Jaina to her feet and wrapping an arm around her waist. "We wait until she wakes. She's going to be desolate without her powers. But this way she can't hurt anyone when she gets angry."
Zekk gently stroked Tahiri's hair, scooting backwards so he was leaning against the wall. "What happened when she attacked you?"
Kyp sighed, his grip tightening on Jaina fractionally. "She jumped me as I came in the door. If I'd been anyone else she might have killed me. A senseless death would start her down a path I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Both of you know what it is to kill, to feel the despair of the darkside. I want to spare her that. If suppressing her powers until she can deal with Anakin's death is the safest way to do it, so be it."
"But, I was just starting to get through to her." Jaina whispered, staring at the blonde who'd helped turn her life upside down. "I thought she was finally understanding."
"A part of her does, Jay," Kyp told her softly, "but that part is losing the war. No, this is for the best. Zekk, could you take her to the room you were in before?"
Zekk nodded. "You want me to lock her in there alone?"
Kyp closed his eyes briefly. "I don't like it any more than you do, but it's best she be allowed to wake up alone and deal with this loss in whatever fashion she feels she needs to. Once she's calmer, we'll explain it to her."
"Give your ultimatum, you mean." Zekk slid off the bunk, cradling the young woman in his arms. "Did you even consider she might not want your help, Durron?"
Kyp smiled faintly, running a hand through his hair. "It's crossed my mind. Help or leave, Zekk. Either way she's got to be helped before she kills herself. And, believe me, that's her motive."
"How do you know?"
Kyp met the flashing emerald eyes of the younger man head on. "I read her mind, how else? It was in her surface thoughts. She doesn't want the pain or the responsibility of being the reason of Anakin's sacrifice. She doesn't want to remember, to feel. She wants to die, to join him in death, but it's not that simple. Anakin wouldn't want that for her."
Zekk bowed his head for a moment before nodding. "I may not like your methods, but your reasoning is sound." He carried Tahiri from the room before Jaina leaned into Kyp, turning to hug him fiercely.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Because, love," he said softly. "She's our responsibility."
"I mean, why come check on her before coming to me?"
He smiled faintly. "Because she's our responsibility." He repeated. "Something in her eyes during the fight today made me edgy. I couldn't sense her and I thought she might lash out at the crowd. But she didn't. She behaved and that made me leery. I had to see her, to talk to her about what happened, but I didn't get the chance. The fight between Jag and I brought back memories for her. Painful memories. I think seeing me was the last straw."
"But to block her powers?"
"I had to." He hugged her tightly. "If I'd been anyone else she'd have caught me by surprise, Jay. Even you or Zekk. She was shielding herself until I entered. I only hade my lightsaber in hand because I was suspicious. You wouldn't have, nor Zekk. She would have killed or hurt you before someone could stop her. I couldn't allow that."
She closed her eyes and nodded. "I know. Come on, you look exhausted, I'll tuck you in."
They left the room, Kyp's silence more telling than words. His encounter with Tahiri had been brief but brutal. She was either going to learn to live again or kill herself in a conventional way. Either way they had to keep a close eye on her. Starting tomorrow she'd have round the clock protection. Zekk could have first watch.
"She's impossible!" Jaina spat the words, stomping into her room later the next evening to find Kyp still sleeping.
Her rude words jolted him from his nap, his eyes snapping open on reflex before he relaxed back into the mattress. "Ugh, Jay, please, not now."
"Not now? The great Jedi Master Kyp Durron has gone and unleashed Hell on this ship and he says 'Not now'?!" She grabbed the sheets with the intention of dragging them off him but thought better of it before she tugged. A sleepy irritated Kyp she could deal with. A sleepy, sexy, nearly naked Kyp and she wouldn't be able to form a complete sentence. She settled for something easier, repeating her earlier statement. "She's impossible!"
Kyp sighed, rolling onto his side. He was sleeping in her room, thanks to his own lacking a door and privacy, but times like these it was detrimental to his health. "I don't know what you want me to do about it."
"Giving her back her Force powers would be a good start."
"I can't do that, Jaina, you know that."
Jaina sighed, taking a deep breath before letting it go. Staying at him wasn't easy; he was simply too adorable for his own good. She reached over, ruffling his shaggy, unruly hair as she sat on the edge of the bed. "I know. She's just... I swear if it can break, it's broken in that room of hers."
"You expected something else?"
"From her?" she snorted. "Yeah, I suppose I did. She won't even talk to me. And before you say anything, I tried. Believe me I tried, I even held my temper at her childishness, but she's not responding at all!" She bent forward, her hands dangling limply between her knees. She looked exhausted.
Kyp pushed himself up on one elbow, reaching out to gently stroke the curve of her spine, her body subconsciously leaning into his touch. "Give her time, Goddess. I've stolen a very important piece of her life and she's nowhere near used to it yet. She doesn't understand why I did what I did, but she knows it was me."
"Does she know the toll it's taking on you?" Jaina turned her head, her hair falling across her shoulder before she had a chance to catch it.
Kyp reached up to brush her hair behind her ear, his fingers gently teasing the sensitive skin of her neck as he left it on her shoulder. "Would it matter if she did? I'm powerful, Jay, but I'm also human. Until she deals with her grief, I'm afraid I'm out of action."
Jaina sighed. "Sometimes being a Jedi sucks. You and Jag are both gone, so who's going to fly with me? I'm losing my best pilots."
"Zekk could fly with you."
She appeared to consider the idea before shaking her head reluctantly. "No. Tahiri needs him now more than ever. He's the only one she's willing to talk to."
"All the more reason to take him away."
"Kyp!" she looked at him shocked.
He sighed, his hand dropping back to the bed. "I don't like to be the bad guy in this, Jaina, but Tahiri needs to learn to rely on herself. This is the perfect time to be giving Zekk something else to do. You and he work well as a team, I remember from watching you when you were younger. He'd be the perfect wingman."
She arched an eyebrow, simply looking at him.
Kyp grinned. "Well, ok, almost the perfect wingman, I'm better."
She laughed, turning towards him and ruffling his hair again. "That's the Kyp I know and love."
He caught her hair. "Stop it."
"Why? I think you're adorable when you wake up."
He chuckled. "You make me feel like I'm twelve when you ruffle my hair."
"Twelve?" She tried to free her hand to do it again but he wouldn't let it go. She lifted her other hand instead and he caught that one too, but sent himself back to the mattress. His loss of leverage affected her balance and she went sprawling across his chest, her laughter muffled by his shoulder.
"You find this amusing?"
"Don't you?" she came back, lifting her head so he could see the way her brown eyes sparkled with amusement. "We're adults and we're acting like children. We should know better."
He didn't relinquish her hands as she tried to move, simply kept her where she was by the pressure on her wrists and arms. "I think it's enchanting. Not to mention captivating."
"The only captive is me," she remarked, tongue in cheek, "and from the look in your eye that's not going to change any time soon."
"Would you like it to?"
"Whatever gave you that idea?" she asked softly, bending down to cover his lips with her own. The kiss was slow, deep and soul shaking. A temptation and a dare that neither had the time to explore again. It was a promise of things to come and of things that had been. It was as much a merging of two souls as mouths and Jaina melted across him, purring softly in the back of her throat as his thumbs stroked the sensitive skin on the inside of her wrists.
She reluctantly drew away, her eyes fluttering open to stare into the brilliant storm of emotions raging in Kyp's. He released her hands, gently cupping her face as his eyes searched for something in her expression. She saw confusion in his, wondering what he could be confused about. "Whatever did I do to deserve you." He murmured softly.
She opened her mouth to respond but he leaned forward, gently kissing first one eye shut and then the other before his lips began a soft, passionate, almost reverent exploration of her face. Tears stung the back of her eyes. He was so gentle, so loving she thought she would die at his next touch. She didn't deserve this, not the way she'd come storming in, disturbing his peace. She swallowed hard and pulled away, opening her eyes to look at him, but he was blurry.
He wiped her tears away with the softest of touches. "Don't cry, Jay." He urged softly. "There's no reason for tears. Not here, not between us. Never between us."
"Kyp." She murmured brokenly. She tucked herself close to him, burying her face in his shoulder unable to explain her sudden mood swing. She clung to him, savoring the feel of his hands on her back, gently stroking her hair. Soaking up the feel of his strength beneath her, surrounding her. How had she almost given this up without realizing it? How had she ever settled for second best?
Kyp, sensing her shift, held her tightly and tucked her close to his body. Sheltering her as best he could, he rolled slightly towards her until she was stretched out beside him, her face still buried in his shoulder. Why was she crying? He couldn't figure it out. "Jay? You ok?"
She lifted her head, brushing an impatient hand across her face, and smiled a shaky smile. "I'm fine. I think it just hit me exactly how close I came to losing you without realizing what it was that I'd lost. Hold me Kyp, hold me and never let me forget, never let me doubt."
He obliged, rolling until she was curled close to him, her head tucked under his chin. He held her tightly, her words echoing in his head. How close she'd come to losing him. He squeezed his eyes shut. He'd almost lost her, and known what it was he was losing. If she'd married Jag she'd have never known she'd lost him or what was missing. Silently he thanked whatever force had finally brought her to him and held her closer. On the heels of that thanks he sent a prayer that they wouldn't soon be torn apart. He refused to let anyone or anything take her from him. Finding her only to lose her would kill him. And, this time, there'd be no coming back. He wouldn't want to.
"Get OUT!"
"Tahiri, I-"
"Get out, get out, GET OUT!" She screamed, picking up a piece of the twisted chair and hurling at Zekk. "Leave me alone, why can't you all just let me die in peace?"
Zekk's heart twisted painfully in his chest as the projectile dropped to the floor in front of him. "We love you," he told her emphatically, "we can't just let you die!"
"Why not?" she demanded, tears streaking her face as she glared at him, her chest heaving with anger and grief. "Why the kriff not? You all let Anakin die, every last one of you just let him go, but I can't! I [i]can't[/i]! He's everywhere, everything reminds me of him and I just want to die so I can be with him! Is that too much to ask?"
"Yes."
Tahiri whirled on the soft new voice and took a step back, choking on a sob. "You wanted to," she snapped, her voice breaking. "Why am I not allowed to do the same?"
Jaina looked at the younger woman steadily. "I won't deny that I wanted to die when I'd thought I'd lost both Anakin and Jacen. I wanted to make someone pay, more than I wanted to die, though. You just want to die to end your suffering. Welcome to the real world, Tahiri. You don't always get what you want. Kyp pulled me back from a darkside spiral because he loved me. We love you, Kyp, Zekk and me, and we don't want to see you go through what I did."
"It made you stronger." Tahiri choked, backing against the edge of her bed. "I want to be stronger, I want to be better, but it hurts." She slid to the ground. "It hurts so much." She whispered, clenching her fist in the material of her shirt over her heart. "I just want it to stop hurting."
Zekk backed against the side of the door, watching as Jaina approached the unstable young woman. Kyp had been right to block her Force powers, he decided reluctantly. Anything else and Tahiri would have eventually tried to tear the ship apart.
Jaina crouched in front of Tahiri, meeting her tear soaked gaze, her own brown eyes glittering with tears. "I know it hurts," she whispered softly. "And I know you're in pain, more pain than any of us, because of your bond with my brother, but we want to help you. We want to help you bear your burden. Anakin is still here, Tahiri, even though we can't see him."
Tahiri launched herself at Jaina, sobbing brokenly against her shoulder. "I want to believe that." She choked, her tears soaking the material of Jaina's flight suit.
Jaina stroked her hair awkwardly, cradling the smaller woman against her chest. "I know you do," she assured her gently, "and you can. You have to believe that a part of him is still a live to make living more bearable. We all do. He left you a legacy, Tahiri. He loved you, still does, and always will. Don't let your anger and pain poison that, please?"
Tahiri didn't reply simply continued to cry. Zekk approached, crouching next to Jaina and looking at her. She could read the emotions in his eyes as if he'd spoken them. He wanted to touch Tahiri, to physically reassure her that she wasn't alone, but wasn't sure if she'd accept his touch. Jaina shook her head reluctantly. If Zekk touched her, Tahiri was liable to break and, with the headway she'd just made, she couldn't afford a back spin.
Zekk reluctantly moved away, getting to his feet, and left the room. The door closed behind him and Jaina bent her head to rest it against Tahiri's. She was in pain, and mourning. Time would heal all of her wounds, or at least make them bearable, but for now, Jaina simply let her cry. And cry she did.