24 Season 1 parody, part 2.
Author's note: Sorry for me taking a long time, and thanks for the comments! It's time for 24! Oh yeah, the disclaimer! Well I don't own 24 except for the DVD box set, is that illegal?
-------------
12: 22:34
(At the Senator's HQ)
Patty: (Answers phone) Sup?
Martin: Hello Putty.
Patty: It's Patty!
Martin: Denial is a strange thing Putty. You will deny it until you realise the truth...there is no spoon.
Patty: Eh? (To David) It's the photographer, he's really scary.
David: Awesome.
Martin: Will the Senator be at the breakfast?
Patty: Duh. What do you think?
Martin: I think the world is false. It is pulled over our eyes to blind us from the truth.
Patty: There is no spoon?
Martin: Nope, that I'm weird.
Patty: Right.
Martin: I will be landing soon...Mr Putty.
Patty: (Sighs) Okay. (Puts down phone) That guy has been watching too many movies.
(On the plane)
Woman: So, you know David Palmer?
Martin: Unknow what you know, and you shall triumph.
Woman: Cool. Why are you meeting him?
Martin: I'm going to be taking a few pictures of him.
Audience: Yeah he's evil, listen to the way he said 'pictures'.
FOX Correspondent: (To himself) Fools, they don't know the truth.
Audience: That there is no spoon?
FOX Correspondent: Uhh...yeah.
(Screen cuts back to CTU)
Nina: So what happens now?
Jack: Slaphead is going to brief me.
Nina: You. Not us?
Jack: Why? Jealous or something?
Nina: I like to polish his head at times.
Jack: Okayyy...
(Jack's phone rings)
Jack: Hello?
Teri: It's me...
Jack: What's wrong?
Teri: I found three joints on her desk.
Jack: Terrific!
Teri: I know it's not the end of the world-
Jack: No Teri! This is great! She's following in my footsteps!
Teri: You don't take drugs!
Jack: Well, I'm gonna start tomorrow!
Teri: You're scary.
Patty: Try telling that to Martin!
(Screen cuts to Furniture store, with Kim and Rick on the roof)
Rick: So, the IRS totally wanted my skills you know? Like I got a Z minus in like, everything?
Kim: (Sarcastically) Yeah. you're smart.
Rick: Thanks.
Kim: Idiot...so uhh. Do you surf?
Rick: NO! Surfing's too rad! Even for me!
Kim and Audience: OH MY GOD!
Rick: Yeah. I'm so totally afraid of sharks. Do you totally get what I mean?
Kim: I totally do...DAMMIT!
Audience: 5 dammits in one episode. Neat.
(Back at CTU, Jack's office)
Nina: (Over phone) George is on his way up.
Audience: Looks like he's getting ready for a date.
(Door knocks)
Jack: Who's there?
George: Ima.
Jack: Ima what?
George: You don't know what you are? Dummy.
(George enters room)
Audience: And this is Jack's girlfriend? Jack: What did you say?
Audience: You were getting ready for a date!
Jack: Whatever.
George: What did Walsh tell you?
Jack: Not much. Palmer's the target and the foot rub is the real deal.
George: Oh yeah, I'm AFOOT above you in this intelligence community.
Jack: Shut up.
George: (Gives Jack a disk) This should give you access to the secure database, see if it clicks with anything you've got.
Jack: Who's the source?
Martin: The machine mainframe.
Jack: Quiet you!
George: That I can't give you.
Jack: Why not?
George: Because I said so.
Jack: George. I need a favour.
Audience: He's gonna propose!
Jack: I need you to call Chappell and tell him that I need the source on this.
George: Why?
Jack: I like to cover my own ass.
George: You're an idiot. You're already wearing trousers.
Audience: Pants!
George: The author's English. Audience: Oh. Okay.
George: Alright. I'll call Chappell.
Jack: Thanks. Want a joint?
George: Eh?
Jack: My wife has three, should I go round and get them for you?
George: Sure thing. Mind if I use your phone?
Jack: Please do. (Goes downstairs and signals to Nina) I want to hear Mason's call!
(Nina throws a phone to Jack but it hits the ground and breaks apart.)
Jack: Tony. I need your phone.
(Tony angrily throws the phone at Jack and it breaks on his forehead.)
Jack: Right. (Snatches phone from some nobody)
Nobody: Hey!
Jack: She'll call you back. (Listens in to Mason's call)
Mason's call: This is not a real call, this is a recorded message to let Jack Baur know that he's being conned by a District Manager.
George: I'm talking to your boss, Jack. Pffhht. Dumbass.
Jack: What the hell?. (Goes over to get tranquiliser gun, Nina comes along) Get me the binder.
Nina: What?
Jack: You know, the binder. It is an office accessory which helps you keep guns hidden!
Nina: You're going to shoot Slaphead!?
(Jack runs up to his office, George puts the phone down) George: Well, I wasn't trying to con you. But Chappell said no-
POW!
(George goes to sleep)
Nina: You are out of your mind.
Martin: Wrong. He has freed his mind.
Jack: Stop your mindless babble!
Nina: Are you going to do?
Jack: Remember Phil Darcet?
Nina: No.
Jack: Good. George busted him, and $200,000 disappeared.
Rock group Queen: It's a kind of magic!
Jack: Wrong, I believed it fell into Mason's pockets.
Nina: (Looking at George) Well, he's wearing on hell of a big suit.
Jack: It was a metaphor.
Nina: What shall I do?
Jack: Trace the missing money, preferably with a bright pink crayon.
Nina: A BRIGHT PINK CRAYON!? You can't be serious!
Jack: I am always serious.
Nina: How?
Jack: Ask Tony.
Nina: He'll need a reason.
Jack: Not if he's doing it for me.
Nina: You noticed?
Jack: Yeah I noticed
Audience: What's he noticed? What's he noticed?
Jack: They have a relationship.
Nina: Well, in my point of view it's a ménage-trios.
Everyone: (Eyebrows rise above normal level)
(Nina leaves and joins Tony)
Tony: Hey baby.
Nina: Don't call me baby.
Tony: You're shagadelic baby yeah!
Nina: That was one shameless Austin Powers impersonation.
Tony: Anyway, what do you want?
Nina: (Types random numbers on computer) I need you to trace this account.
Tony: So you really want me?
Nina: Shut it.
Tony: What does Darcet have to with Palmer?
Nina: I dunno. Occupies us for a while.
(Jack walks over to Jamey)
Jack: Jamey. Can you do me a favour?
Jamey: Give Walsh the foot-rub?
Jack: No. Something less important. If I give you an e-mail can you break into it?
Jamey: If you have a warrant?
Jack: I don't.
Jamey: That's good enough for me! 'And there's nothing you, nothing you can do about it!!'.
Audience: CTU staff are fans of Queen?
Whole of CTU: Yup.
(Jamey gets into e-mail)
Jack: (Rings phone) It's me. I got her password.
Jamey: Actually it was me. IT WAS ME!
Jack: Shut up.
Teri: What is it?
Jack: MOMSTINKS. One word.
Teri: Typical.
(At the department store)
Kim: So... are you going to be around this weekend?
Rick: Nope, I'll be away doing...some...evil...stuff.
Kim: Thank god for that!
Rick: Hey, want some of my brain juice?
Kim: What? (Gets snogged.) Man, that's totally radical dude!
Audience: It can only get worse after that!
FOX Correspondent: How true.
Rick: Where are others?
Kim: Dunno. (They look around, and they see Janet and Dan playing an intense game of chess)
Rick+Kim: (Look shocked) OH MY GOD!
(On the plane)
Mandy: So, did you ever meet Queen Elizabeth II?
Martin: Yeah.
Mandy: What was she like?
Martin: (In a flirty way) She was soooo good.
Mandy: Dude, that's sick. Can I see your photographs?
Martin: My photographs?
Mandy: Uh huh.
Martin: What are they again?
Mandy's Brian: This is getting nowhere. Quick...Do something!
Other part of Mandy's Brian: What exactly?
Mandy's Brian: Kiss him! No wait, that won't work...uhh...just show him a picture and see what he thinks!
Other part of Mandy's Brain: Oh yeah, that'll work!
Mandy's Brian: Shut up!
Mandy: Be quiet you two!
Other passengers: Sorry. (They get back to strip poker.)
All parts of Mandy's Brain: (Sarcastically) Oh yeah, you're really smart aren't you? I'm outta here.
Martin: Are you having conflicts with your brain, Mr. Anderson?
Mandy: WHAT?!
Martin: Dammit, why do I keep saying that? Anyway, that's one of my pictures. (Just shows any random one.)
Mandy: Ohhh, Munich?
Audience: It's a guide to Italy actually!
Mandy: Godammit! Why is the author parodizing every single moment?
Author: It's fun!
(Palmer's Place) Sherry: Finished the speech?
David: Nah, the guy's decided to move the plot of this show a little further.
Sherry: Big old grumpy bear.
David: Grr...
Sherry: (Sarcastic) Oh I'm so sacred! What's the last film that chilled you Dave?
David: Bambi. (Shudders) Need any help with those letters?
Sherry: Personal touch never hurt.
David: Sure it does. (Rubs her foot)
Walsh: Now I'm jealous.
Patty: Phone call Senator. Maureen Kingsley from the network.
David: Oh Putty it's after midnight!
Patty: IT'S PATTY DAMMIT!!! (Sighs) There's only so many times you can play the same joke!
David: Maureen! This better be good...okay that's not good...nah...THAT isn't good...Do we really have to make the audience suffer with this? If you air that plotline or anything remotely like it...this conversations over Biatch! (Hangs up.) That'll be all Putty.
(David throws the phone, but it smashes on the floor.)
Patty: It's gonna be a trademark isn't it?
Sherry: What is?
Patty: Me being called 'Putty' and phones smashing.
Author: Damn straight.
(Jack's Office)
Nina: I though you wanted to put your life back together. Think this is helping? Jack: Yes. Slaphead pisses me off.
Nina: Fine, whatever! But you could end up in jail! What are you doing!?
Jack: Nina, you can look the other way once and it's no big deal, but except you begin to think that's the way things are done...blah... blah...blah.
Nina: Andd... What does this have to do with anything?
Jack: I said it so you can shift your butt in gear and see how things are going.
(Alan York hears his phone ringing, and he puts it to his ear, but it is actually his iron.)
Alan: AARRGGHH!!! (Picks up the phone)
Teri: It's Teri...you alright?
Alan: I'm having a situation cooked up here! Did you find anything?
Teri: I broke into Kim's E-Mail-
Jamey: IT WAS ME!!
Teri: Anyway... I found out their address.
Alan: Can you pick me up?
Teri: Sorry. I'm married.
Alan: No! I mean so we can get our damned daughters!
(The crazy teens are outside the store.)
Dan: Wasn't there supposed to be a party at Lacey's?
Rick+Janet+Kim: DUDE! AWAESOME!
Dan: Well, I don't want to go.
Rick: Where do you want to go then?
Dan: To the Science Museum.
(The other three groan.) Kim: I'll call. Uh oh. My mother left 5 messages. I gotta go home.
Dan: Run home to Mommy little Girl!
Kim: You can talk Mr. Science museum boy!
Rick: We'll drop you off okay? (Cheesy funk music starts playing in the van)
Kim: Rock and roll! (Jumps in)
Rick: Dan? You coming?
Dan: (Stands out in the rain, and some sad opera music starts playing.) Oh okay. (Jumps in.)
(At CTU)
Tony: Nina said you want Phil's account?
Jack: Yeah, send it to my screen. Ohh...that's all good baby.
(Jack slaps George)
Jack: Sit down. Who's the source? Don't you even DARE say anything to do with the Matrix! Last year, you brought down Phil Dacert, money was missing. I traced-
Tony: It was me!!
Jack: -The money was in an offshore bank account. I think it's yours.
George: Oh jeez. Uhh...
George's Brain: Act mad boyo! It's your only way out of this!
George: NI!
Jack: What?
George: I'm the Knight that says: NI!
Jack: Nice try Slaphead.
George: Dammit. Jack: Do you mind if I send the info to Chapplle?
George: Sure, go ahead. (Realises what he said.) NO! I'll type it up for you!
Computer: Loading MicroSoft Word.
George: This shouldn't take too long.
Computer: Please Register your name and ID.
George: Jack, you haven't even registered onto Word?
Jack: It's one of my guilty secrets. (Types up a load of crap.) Show the source Mason.
Computer: (Paperclip shows up.) It appears you are exchanging intelligence, would you like some help?
George: PISS OFF! (Types stuff up.) That's your source.
Audience: What does it say?
FOX Correspondent: We're not telling you THAT.
Jack: Thanks Slaphead. (Hands him briefcase.)
George: You'll live to give Walsh his footrub. I promise you that. (Walks off.)
(On the plane, skip the sexy part.)
(Mandy walks around, then goes to the staff area.)
Lady: Excuse me Madam, do you have anything other than Heiniken?
Mandy: Weirdo. (Jabs pen into her. She then goes and gets her bag and does cool terrorist stuff then the cabin doors blow apart.)
Man: My papers! (Jumps out first.) Nooooo.....
(Mandy escapes and plane blows up.)
(At CTU)
Jack: (Rings phone.)
Teri: Hello?
Jack: Hey it's me.
Teri: Turn left at the light.
Jack: (Turns left.) Okay, now what?
Teri: I'm with this dude Alan York, and we're tracking Kim. Kim got an E- Mail from Janet and they might be out together. (Hears noise on other end) Bastard! (Bangs phone on door.)
Jack: Oh well. (Rolls back on his chair, but he hits the floor next to Nina)
Nina: Have you fallen for me again Jack?
Jack: Quiet you! I'm going to take a piss, direct calls to my cell okay?
Nina: Righto!
Tony: Jack!
Jack: What?
Tony: A 747 just blew up over the Desert, sounds like a bomb.
Jack: (Looks shocked)
Tony: Jack?
Jack: That soul-patch is distracting! Shave it off dammit!
(In the teen van)
Kim: Dan, I told you to run over that pedestrian!
Dan: Why don't you just relax?
Kim: (To Rick) Can you tell Dan he missed that fat dude?
Rick: Relax! The night is sooo totally getting started!
Whole Cast: IT TOTALLY IS! Walsh: Dude!
Tick...tick..tick... -----------------------------------------
Finally! I hoped you enjoyed that! The next chapter will include episodes 2 and 3 (If it ever gets done, LOL.) Thanks for your replies, and if I unintentially stole any ideas I'm sorry!
P.S: No criticism is aimed at the Matrix trilogy. It rocks!
Author's note: Sorry for me taking a long time, and thanks for the comments! It's time for 24! Oh yeah, the disclaimer! Well I don't own 24 except for the DVD box set, is that illegal?
-------------
12: 22:34
(At the Senator's HQ)
Patty: (Answers phone) Sup?
Martin: Hello Putty.
Patty: It's Patty!
Martin: Denial is a strange thing Putty. You will deny it until you realise the truth...there is no spoon.
Patty: Eh? (To David) It's the photographer, he's really scary.
David: Awesome.
Martin: Will the Senator be at the breakfast?
Patty: Duh. What do you think?
Martin: I think the world is false. It is pulled over our eyes to blind us from the truth.
Patty: There is no spoon?
Martin: Nope, that I'm weird.
Patty: Right.
Martin: I will be landing soon...Mr Putty.
Patty: (Sighs) Okay. (Puts down phone) That guy has been watching too many movies.
(On the plane)
Woman: So, you know David Palmer?
Martin: Unknow what you know, and you shall triumph.
Woman: Cool. Why are you meeting him?
Martin: I'm going to be taking a few pictures of him.
Audience: Yeah he's evil, listen to the way he said 'pictures'.
FOX Correspondent: (To himself) Fools, they don't know the truth.
Audience: That there is no spoon?
FOX Correspondent: Uhh...yeah.
(Screen cuts back to CTU)
Nina: So what happens now?
Jack: Slaphead is going to brief me.
Nina: You. Not us?
Jack: Why? Jealous or something?
Nina: I like to polish his head at times.
Jack: Okayyy...
(Jack's phone rings)
Jack: Hello?
Teri: It's me...
Jack: What's wrong?
Teri: I found three joints on her desk.
Jack: Terrific!
Teri: I know it's not the end of the world-
Jack: No Teri! This is great! She's following in my footsteps!
Teri: You don't take drugs!
Jack: Well, I'm gonna start tomorrow!
Teri: You're scary.
Patty: Try telling that to Martin!
(Screen cuts to Furniture store, with Kim and Rick on the roof)
Rick: So, the IRS totally wanted my skills you know? Like I got a Z minus in like, everything?
Kim: (Sarcastically) Yeah. you're smart.
Rick: Thanks.
Kim: Idiot...so uhh. Do you surf?
Rick: NO! Surfing's too rad! Even for me!
Kim and Audience: OH MY GOD!
Rick: Yeah. I'm so totally afraid of sharks. Do you totally get what I mean?
Kim: I totally do...DAMMIT!
Audience: 5 dammits in one episode. Neat.
(Back at CTU, Jack's office)
Nina: (Over phone) George is on his way up.
Audience: Looks like he's getting ready for a date.
(Door knocks)
Jack: Who's there?
George: Ima.
Jack: Ima what?
George: You don't know what you are? Dummy.
(George enters room)
Audience: And this is Jack's girlfriend? Jack: What did you say?
Audience: You were getting ready for a date!
Jack: Whatever.
George: What did Walsh tell you?
Jack: Not much. Palmer's the target and the foot rub is the real deal.
George: Oh yeah, I'm AFOOT above you in this intelligence community.
Jack: Shut up.
George: (Gives Jack a disk) This should give you access to the secure database, see if it clicks with anything you've got.
Jack: Who's the source?
Martin: The machine mainframe.
Jack: Quiet you!
George: That I can't give you.
Jack: Why not?
George: Because I said so.
Jack: George. I need a favour.
Audience: He's gonna propose!
Jack: I need you to call Chappell and tell him that I need the source on this.
George: Why?
Jack: I like to cover my own ass.
George: You're an idiot. You're already wearing trousers.
Audience: Pants!
George: The author's English. Audience: Oh. Okay.
George: Alright. I'll call Chappell.
Jack: Thanks. Want a joint?
George: Eh?
Jack: My wife has three, should I go round and get them for you?
George: Sure thing. Mind if I use your phone?
Jack: Please do. (Goes downstairs and signals to Nina) I want to hear Mason's call!
(Nina throws a phone to Jack but it hits the ground and breaks apart.)
Jack: Tony. I need your phone.
(Tony angrily throws the phone at Jack and it breaks on his forehead.)
Jack: Right. (Snatches phone from some nobody)
Nobody: Hey!
Jack: She'll call you back. (Listens in to Mason's call)
Mason's call: This is not a real call, this is a recorded message to let Jack Baur know that he's being conned by a District Manager.
George: I'm talking to your boss, Jack. Pffhht. Dumbass.
Jack: What the hell?. (Goes over to get tranquiliser gun, Nina comes along) Get me the binder.
Nina: What?
Jack: You know, the binder. It is an office accessory which helps you keep guns hidden!
Nina: You're going to shoot Slaphead!?
(Jack runs up to his office, George puts the phone down) George: Well, I wasn't trying to con you. But Chappell said no-
POW!
(George goes to sleep)
Nina: You are out of your mind.
Martin: Wrong. He has freed his mind.
Jack: Stop your mindless babble!
Nina: Are you going to do?
Jack: Remember Phil Darcet?
Nina: No.
Jack: Good. George busted him, and $200,000 disappeared.
Rock group Queen: It's a kind of magic!
Jack: Wrong, I believed it fell into Mason's pockets.
Nina: (Looking at George) Well, he's wearing on hell of a big suit.
Jack: It was a metaphor.
Nina: What shall I do?
Jack: Trace the missing money, preferably with a bright pink crayon.
Nina: A BRIGHT PINK CRAYON!? You can't be serious!
Jack: I am always serious.
Nina: How?
Jack: Ask Tony.
Nina: He'll need a reason.
Jack: Not if he's doing it for me.
Nina: You noticed?
Jack: Yeah I noticed
Audience: What's he noticed? What's he noticed?
Jack: They have a relationship.
Nina: Well, in my point of view it's a ménage-trios.
Everyone: (Eyebrows rise above normal level)
(Nina leaves and joins Tony)
Tony: Hey baby.
Nina: Don't call me baby.
Tony: You're shagadelic baby yeah!
Nina: That was one shameless Austin Powers impersonation.
Tony: Anyway, what do you want?
Nina: (Types random numbers on computer) I need you to trace this account.
Tony: So you really want me?
Nina: Shut it.
Tony: What does Darcet have to with Palmer?
Nina: I dunno. Occupies us for a while.
(Jack walks over to Jamey)
Jack: Jamey. Can you do me a favour?
Jamey: Give Walsh the foot-rub?
Jack: No. Something less important. If I give you an e-mail can you break into it?
Jamey: If you have a warrant?
Jack: I don't.
Jamey: That's good enough for me! 'And there's nothing you, nothing you can do about it!!'.
Audience: CTU staff are fans of Queen?
Whole of CTU: Yup.
(Jamey gets into e-mail)
Jack: (Rings phone) It's me. I got her password.
Jamey: Actually it was me. IT WAS ME!
Jack: Shut up.
Teri: What is it?
Jack: MOMSTINKS. One word.
Teri: Typical.
(At the department store)
Kim: So... are you going to be around this weekend?
Rick: Nope, I'll be away doing...some...evil...stuff.
Kim: Thank god for that!
Rick: Hey, want some of my brain juice?
Kim: What? (Gets snogged.) Man, that's totally radical dude!
Audience: It can only get worse after that!
FOX Correspondent: How true.
Rick: Where are others?
Kim: Dunno. (They look around, and they see Janet and Dan playing an intense game of chess)
Rick+Kim: (Look shocked) OH MY GOD!
(On the plane)
Mandy: So, did you ever meet Queen Elizabeth II?
Martin: Yeah.
Mandy: What was she like?
Martin: (In a flirty way) She was soooo good.
Mandy: Dude, that's sick. Can I see your photographs?
Martin: My photographs?
Mandy: Uh huh.
Martin: What are they again?
Mandy's Brian: This is getting nowhere. Quick...Do something!
Other part of Mandy's Brian: What exactly?
Mandy's Brian: Kiss him! No wait, that won't work...uhh...just show him a picture and see what he thinks!
Other part of Mandy's Brain: Oh yeah, that'll work!
Mandy's Brian: Shut up!
Mandy: Be quiet you two!
Other passengers: Sorry. (They get back to strip poker.)
All parts of Mandy's Brain: (Sarcastically) Oh yeah, you're really smart aren't you? I'm outta here.
Martin: Are you having conflicts with your brain, Mr. Anderson?
Mandy: WHAT?!
Martin: Dammit, why do I keep saying that? Anyway, that's one of my pictures. (Just shows any random one.)
Mandy: Ohhh, Munich?
Audience: It's a guide to Italy actually!
Mandy: Godammit! Why is the author parodizing every single moment?
Author: It's fun!
(Palmer's Place) Sherry: Finished the speech?
David: Nah, the guy's decided to move the plot of this show a little further.
Sherry: Big old grumpy bear.
David: Grr...
Sherry: (Sarcastic) Oh I'm so sacred! What's the last film that chilled you Dave?
David: Bambi. (Shudders) Need any help with those letters?
Sherry: Personal touch never hurt.
David: Sure it does. (Rubs her foot)
Walsh: Now I'm jealous.
Patty: Phone call Senator. Maureen Kingsley from the network.
David: Oh Putty it's after midnight!
Patty: IT'S PATTY DAMMIT!!! (Sighs) There's only so many times you can play the same joke!
David: Maureen! This better be good...okay that's not good...nah...THAT isn't good...Do we really have to make the audience suffer with this? If you air that plotline or anything remotely like it...this conversations over Biatch! (Hangs up.) That'll be all Putty.
(David throws the phone, but it smashes on the floor.)
Patty: It's gonna be a trademark isn't it?
Sherry: What is?
Patty: Me being called 'Putty' and phones smashing.
Author: Damn straight.
(Jack's Office)
Nina: I though you wanted to put your life back together. Think this is helping? Jack: Yes. Slaphead pisses me off.
Nina: Fine, whatever! But you could end up in jail! What are you doing!?
Jack: Nina, you can look the other way once and it's no big deal, but except you begin to think that's the way things are done...blah... blah...blah.
Nina: Andd... What does this have to do with anything?
Jack: I said it so you can shift your butt in gear and see how things are going.
(Alan York hears his phone ringing, and he puts it to his ear, but it is actually his iron.)
Alan: AARRGGHH!!! (Picks up the phone)
Teri: It's Teri...you alright?
Alan: I'm having a situation cooked up here! Did you find anything?
Teri: I broke into Kim's E-Mail-
Jamey: IT WAS ME!!
Teri: Anyway... I found out their address.
Alan: Can you pick me up?
Teri: Sorry. I'm married.
Alan: No! I mean so we can get our damned daughters!
(The crazy teens are outside the store.)
Dan: Wasn't there supposed to be a party at Lacey's?
Rick+Janet+Kim: DUDE! AWAESOME!
Dan: Well, I don't want to go.
Rick: Where do you want to go then?
Dan: To the Science Museum.
(The other three groan.) Kim: I'll call. Uh oh. My mother left 5 messages. I gotta go home.
Dan: Run home to Mommy little Girl!
Kim: You can talk Mr. Science museum boy!
Rick: We'll drop you off okay? (Cheesy funk music starts playing in the van)
Kim: Rock and roll! (Jumps in)
Rick: Dan? You coming?
Dan: (Stands out in the rain, and some sad opera music starts playing.) Oh okay. (Jumps in.)
(At CTU)
Tony: Nina said you want Phil's account?
Jack: Yeah, send it to my screen. Ohh...that's all good baby.
(Jack slaps George)
Jack: Sit down. Who's the source? Don't you even DARE say anything to do with the Matrix! Last year, you brought down Phil Dacert, money was missing. I traced-
Tony: It was me!!
Jack: -The money was in an offshore bank account. I think it's yours.
George: Oh jeez. Uhh...
George's Brain: Act mad boyo! It's your only way out of this!
George: NI!
Jack: What?
George: I'm the Knight that says: NI!
Jack: Nice try Slaphead.
George: Dammit. Jack: Do you mind if I send the info to Chapplle?
George: Sure, go ahead. (Realises what he said.) NO! I'll type it up for you!
Computer: Loading MicroSoft Word.
George: This shouldn't take too long.
Computer: Please Register your name and ID.
George: Jack, you haven't even registered onto Word?
Jack: It's one of my guilty secrets. (Types up a load of crap.) Show the source Mason.
Computer: (Paperclip shows up.) It appears you are exchanging intelligence, would you like some help?
George: PISS OFF! (Types stuff up.) That's your source.
Audience: What does it say?
FOX Correspondent: We're not telling you THAT.
Jack: Thanks Slaphead. (Hands him briefcase.)
George: You'll live to give Walsh his footrub. I promise you that. (Walks off.)
(On the plane, skip the sexy part.)
(Mandy walks around, then goes to the staff area.)
Lady: Excuse me Madam, do you have anything other than Heiniken?
Mandy: Weirdo. (Jabs pen into her. She then goes and gets her bag and does cool terrorist stuff then the cabin doors blow apart.)
Man: My papers! (Jumps out first.) Nooooo.....
(Mandy escapes and plane blows up.)
(At CTU)
Jack: (Rings phone.)
Teri: Hello?
Jack: Hey it's me.
Teri: Turn left at the light.
Jack: (Turns left.) Okay, now what?
Teri: I'm with this dude Alan York, and we're tracking Kim. Kim got an E- Mail from Janet and they might be out together. (Hears noise on other end) Bastard! (Bangs phone on door.)
Jack: Oh well. (Rolls back on his chair, but he hits the floor next to Nina)
Nina: Have you fallen for me again Jack?
Jack: Quiet you! I'm going to take a piss, direct calls to my cell okay?
Nina: Righto!
Tony: Jack!
Jack: What?
Tony: A 747 just blew up over the Desert, sounds like a bomb.
Jack: (Looks shocked)
Tony: Jack?
Jack: That soul-patch is distracting! Shave it off dammit!
(In the teen van)
Kim: Dan, I told you to run over that pedestrian!
Dan: Why don't you just relax?
Kim: (To Rick) Can you tell Dan he missed that fat dude?
Rick: Relax! The night is sooo totally getting started!
Whole Cast: IT TOTALLY IS! Walsh: Dude!
Tick...tick..tick... -----------------------------------------
Finally! I hoped you enjoyed that! The next chapter will include episodes 2 and 3 (If it ever gets done, LOL.) Thanks for your replies, and if I unintentially stole any ideas I'm sorry!
P.S: No criticism is aimed at the Matrix trilogy. It rocks!