A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Raya Lupin for being the first reviewer to notice something that no one else did, but was really important to the build up of the plot!

Chapter Six: Decisions and Revelations

Ever since I visited Dumbledore I have had a constant headache. I've thought a lot about what he said. I should tell Father that I have to stay over the holidays. I know he wouldn't risk coming around. The ministry is still after him even though it's been two years since he escaped Azkaban. And if he does happen to try to cause trouble, I could always "disappear." Of course I'd find a way to stay in the castle, as long as no one knew. I'll write to Father after I visit Madam Pomfrey for some headache reliever potion.

I swing my legs over the side of the bed when I decide that I am awake enough to start the day. I gather my bathrobe and towel and head to my bathroom. I turn the hot water on and undress, then climb into the shower. As the hot water spurts down I me I think about my predicament.

"Damn Granger! It would have been much easier to just keep going the way I was." I say in frustration. The hot water was starting to help reduce my headache, but my thoughts prevented it from going entirely away.

I get out of the shower, dry off, and quickly dress. I walk out of my room and through the common room, not noticing anything that is going on. I am lost in my thoughts. I leave the common room and walk through the corridor, past the potions classroom. As I near Professor Snape's office I notice that the door is cracked open and I hear yelling. Curious, I walk to it and listen.

"It was me and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"You foolish girl! How could you go out and put yourself in a situation where something like that could happen?!" Snape is obviously furious, though there is a hint of sadness and regret in his voice.

"What!? Now you care?! Now you're worried about our child?!"

Hermione? I know that is her voice. What does she mean by that? Surely her and Snape are not, dare I say, a couple. It would almost explain her reaction to seeing him at the revel. Though I would have expected a more hopeful reaction rather than one of loathing. Our child? She's pregnant? But surely a child would not have survived what she experienced that night.

"Hermione! I made a mistake!"

"If you think for just a minute that denying that we were together and calling me a slut when I told you about our child is just a mistake, you are highly mistaken!"

"I was shocked! Surely you can understand that!"

"And you think I wasn't? I was devastated! I have plans for my future! I did not need a child!"

"You have no idea how things would have been had word gotten back to the Dark Lord that I had impregnated a girl, and a Muggleborn at that!"

"Oh yes, you're position would have been compromised! You know as well as I do that you could have told them that you were having a little fun and the situation would be dealt with." Hermione said this in a dangerously low voice.

"It is not that simple." Snape was no longer yelling. He sounded sad, beat, and I again find myself wondering how he really feels about the decisions he has made in his life. "And what about the child? What are you going to do about it?"

"I lost the child."

An intense silence filled the room in which I was listening in on. An interesting bit of news. I continue my previous path to the Dining Hall before they can discover me. I have a lot to think about now.

Granger obviously knows about Snape's ties to the Dark Lord, yet she still had a relationship with him. Perhaps she was drawn to the darkness, though it is hard to believe that from Potter's best friend. There is another possibility, though I am not sure what to think if it is the truth. This possibility is that Snape is not on the Dark Lord's side and that he is on both sides. It seems to fit, Hermione would know about Snape's ties to the Dark Lord, but she would also know that he is on the side of the light.

What do I want to do? I do not know any longer. If Snape truly is on the side of the light and is playing the Double Agent, then what else has he lied to me about? I have to know where Snape stands.

I enter the Dining Hall and take my place at the Slytherin table. I mechanically eat my breakfast while my thoughts cloud my mind. I glance at the head table and notice that Snape isn't there. I then look toward the Gryffindor table. Granger isn't there either. They are probably mourning the loss of their child together. Why does that thought bring me to feel jealous? It is not my business who she sleeps with, whose children she becomes impregnated with, or whose child she miscarries. No, it is not my business at all. But why do I feel the need to go to her, to comfort her? Why do I desire to hold her in my arms? I cannot have feelings for her. I cannot feel anything other than hatred toward Mudbloods.

I cringe inwardly. Blood. What is the point? She is beautiful, in her own way, and she is intelligent, what difference should her parents make on who she is?

It is our choices that frame who we are, not our abilities or what others have chosen for us.

She told me that in the astronomy tower. Why did I not believe her? She is no more Muggle than her parents are magical. I am not my father, so why did I feel like I had to become him? I will not become my father.

~

"Professor Snape?" I call as I knock on his office door a second time.

The door swings open abruptly and I find myself looking into the eyes of a desperate man. His eyes, though I would never tell him, betray the fact that he had been crying, his face looks more pale and shallow than usual, and his breath smells awfully like alcohol.

Snape raises an eyebrow at me and I smirk. He is always trying to hide any shred of emotion that he may feel. I push my way past him and enter the room. I hear a sigh behind me and the closing of the door. I hear him mutter the locking and silencing spells. Why had he forgotten these when Hermione was here?

"We need to talk." I say simply.

Snape snorts. "I figured as much."

I turn and look at him. "I overheard a particularly interesting conversation earlier Professor. One I think you might be interested in."

Understanding seems to overcome him as I see his body tense and his eyes flash. Besides this, he hides any feeling and pastes a look of indifference on his face.

"A conversation that involved a certain Miss Granger and an unborn child."

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough to compromise your position." Maybe he'll slip up.

"And how would a simple tryst with a Mudblood that resulted in a child compromise my position? Maybe you did not hear enough, she is no longer with child."

"I am aware. That is not what I have come to discuss though."

"And what have you come to discuss Mr. Malfoy?"

"Exactly what your position is. I heard enough to question where your true loyalties lie."

"My loyalties lie with the Dark Lord, as you very well know."

I don't believe him. "Then what about Miss Granger's?"

"Where her loyalties lie is not my concern. I would suspect that being Potter's best friend that her loyalties fall to him."

"Her loyalties belong to her friend rather than her lover?"

"We are not lovers."

"You may not be now, but you were."

Snape holds my gaze and does not deny or affirm the fact. "What is your point?"

"I want to know how you did it. How did you turn from the Dark Lord?"

"I have not turned from the Dark Lord. And you need not worry about regretting joining the ranks or turning from him if you follow through with what you decided a few days ago."

"I will not join him, nor will I fight him." Snape said nothing and we stood in silence for a few minutes. "What would you have done had she not miscarried?"

"I would have supported her privately until it would have been safe to do so publicly."

I nod. "Do you love her?"

"I cannot answer that. Though I screwed up any chance of her ever loving me when I denied fathering our child."

He loves her. Why does this knowledge fill me with rage? I don't want to talk anymore about Hermione. "I need to write to my father to inform him that I have to remain here over the holidays."

"What is the reason you will be using?"

"I was rather hoping you'd be able to help me come up with one."

"I will help you under one condition." I raise my eyebrows to encourage him to continue. "You cannot tell anyone what you overheard today and what we have talked about."

"Of course."

Professor Snape and I discuss the possible reasons for me to stay behind. We finally decide on one that seems reasonable and, after getting the approval from the Headmaster, I left Snape and began writing my letter.

Father,

I am writing this to you with deep regret. Because of an idea the fool Dumbledore had, I am practically being forced to stay here at Hogwarts over the holidays. There is not much I can do about it.

What idea has the fool come up with, you ask? He has decided that there is to be a Holiday Ball. I suspect it is just an excuse the old man is using to keep as many of the kids at Hogwarts over the holidays as possible. I'm sure you can understand why.

I am most upset over this new development. I would much rather be with my family. I was truly looking forward to our plans, but I'm sure you'll agree that it will have to wait until I can come home.

Your Son,

Draco Malfoy

I walk up to the Owlery and call my eagle owl to me. I tie the letter to its outstretched leg and watch it fly off into the darkening sky.

There is no turning back now.

Another A/N: After next chapter, updates might not come as quickly, as I'm going to have to start writing more for this again… I really hope that this chapter wasn't too big of a shock! Thanks for reading, please review, as they keep the muse going!