Author's Note: Thanks for all your wonderful reviews and suggestions. I just want to give you all a warning that my updates may get rather few and far between during the next two weeks due to the big "F-word": Finals. Anyway, just don't think I've given up on it because I haven't, and I won't.

Random Objects: a peanut butter jar (contributed by Arch of Wand), a tape dispenser and a santa hat (contributed by Goddess of Ivy)

Activity: Singing (contributed by bohemiankat)

Opening quote: (contributed by Goddess of Ivy) ~~~**~~~ December 20th

Chapter 3: A Highly Hypothetical Situation

"Is it supposed to look like that?" Maureen asked, staring over Joanne's shoulder at the gloppy mess she was stirring.

"Yes, Mo, it's organic peanut butter. You have to mix the oil into it before you can eat it."

Maureen still looked skeptical.

"Umm. . .okay. . .whatever you say, Jo. It still looks like polluted sludge to me. I'll have a nice *salad* for lunch, thank you *very* much."

"Come on, Maureen," Joanne protested, "If you lose any more weight you'll disappear. You are *not* fat."

"But Avery said they'll only let really, really thin people try out. He said I'll get typed out if I'm not careful what I look like on the day of the audition."

"Mo, I don't give a damn what your agent said. You are beautiful, and I won't let you destroy yourself over some stupid show."

"It's not a stupid show!" Maureen exploded, "This is my *life*, Jo."

"It may be you life, but it's certainly not *worth* your life."

Maureen just shook her head.

"Whatever, Jo. Forget lunch. I have to go out."

Joanne whipped around and glared at her.

"And just where are you going?"

"Out to pick up some random woman off the street to make you jealous."

Joanne slammed down the lid of the peanut butter jar, splattering oil everywhere.

"Shit! Maureen, the least you can do is help me clean this up."

Maureen shook her head defiantly.

"Nope. Sorry. It's not my fault you can't control yourself."

"And it's not *my* fault that you are such an impossible bitch."

"Hah! I knew it. I knew you couldn't be mature about this!"

Joanne paused in her task of wiping up the oil-spotted counter and stared at Maureen in utter shock.

"Immature. *Me.* Immature. Where the hell are you going?"

Maureen grabbed her leather jacket off the sofa, turned to leave, then looked back over her shoulder.

"To the Life. To meet Benny. He called this morning while you were asleep. Said he wanted to ask me something. Bye Pookie."

Maureen turned and left, leaving Joanne staring huffily after her, hands sticky with organic peanut oil.

~~~**~~~

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly," Mark sang, horribly off-key, as he filmed Roger attempting to stick cheap tinsel garland to the wall of the loft.

"Maybe you could tape it on?" Mimi suggested, handing him the dispenser.

"Umm. . .okay. . .You hold it up, and I'll tape it." Roger replied, grinning.

Mimi sighed, stood on her tiptoes and pressed the garland against the wall.

"Come on, Mimi, I said hold it *up.*" Roger teased.

Mimi glared and threw the garland at him.

"Fine then, you hold it up and I'll tape it."

"All right," Roger laughed.

He held the garland up over Mimi's head and grinned as she tried to jump up and tape it.

"Okay, okay. That's enough," Mark intervened, shutting off his camera and stepping between them. He grabbed the garland from Roger and pinned it against the wall.

"Tape."

"Party pooper," Roger grumbled.

"Give it a rest," Mimi shot back at him.

"Geez, I wasn't even talking to you."

"You know what, Roger? It doesn't matter. You don't know how to do anything but pick a fight."

"I wasn't aware I was fighting with anyone," Roger answered, suddenly angry.

"You know what, Roger? I'm so tired of this," Mimi walked over to the couch and sat down, her arms folded over her chest.

"What is this?"

"You! There, I'm tired of you."

"Tired of me? This morning you were telling me you loved me."

"Yeah? Well that was thing morning!"

They were interrupted by a loud ripping sound, and the garland fell off the wall. Everyone froze and stared at it for a long moment, then Roger started laughing.

"What?" Mimi asked sulkily, "What?!"

"Do you realize how ridiculous we sound?"

Mimi looked at the ground for a while, then she started laughing too. Mark breathed a silent sigh of relief and went over to rescue the garland from the gaping crack between the sofa cushions.

"Roger," Mimi said finally, standing up.

"What?"

"C'mere."

Roger walked over to her and she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Rog."

"It's okay." Roger soothed, planting a gentle kiss on her temple.

"No, it's not okay. I do love you. You know that, right?"

Roger nodded silently and stroked her hair.

"I'm sorry. . .it's just. . .everything lately. . ."

"Mimi. . .it's *okay.*" Roger insisted, chuckling softly.

There was a loud knock at the door, and Mark jumped up to answer it. Collins walked in, followed by Aimee. The girl looked only slightly better than she had the week before. She was dressed all in black, her hair pulled back into a long dark ponytail. The bandages on her wrists had been removed, revealing two dark, identical scars.

"Hi, Collins. . .hi, Aimee. . " Mark stammered awkwardly.

"We come bearing gifts," Collins spoke up, holding up the large box he was carrying.

"Christmas tree ornaments. . ." Roger said, puzzled.

"But we don't have a tree," Mimi pointed out.

Collins pulled and old santa hat out of the box and placed it on her head.

"We don't have a tree *yet.*" he answered, "Come along my little elves. We have a mission to accomplish."

~~~**~~~ "So how do you do it?" Benny asked, casually taking a sip of his black coffee and watching Maureen slide into the seat across from him.

"Do what?" Maureen asked, puzzled.

Benny gestured wildly with his hands.

"Everything you women do."

Maureen stared at him in confusion. Benny sat silently for a moment, then shook his head again. "Nevermind. Bad question. What can I get you to eat?"

Maureen blushed. "Oh, just coffee, thanks. I had a really late breakfast."

"You sure?" Benny asked, gesturing to the waiter.

Maureen nodded.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Benny choked on a mouthful of coffee, then toyed awkwardly with his napkin.

"Umm. . .let's say. . .hypothetically, of course, that, uh, you were married to Joanne, and she threw you out. And *hypothetically,* you met someone new. Not on purpose of course just sort of um. . .spontaneously. . .and *hypothetically* you wanted to hook up with them but *hypothetically* they weren't really interested in you, and *hypothetically* you didn't know how to tell this new person that you were still married to Al-uh-Joanne, then hypothetically, what would you do?"

Maureen stared blankly at him for several minutes. Benny waved his hand in front of her face.

"Well?"

"Too many big words," Maureen complained, as the waiter appeared with her coffee.

"Can you put it in simpler terms?"

Benny glanced around nervously, then leaned across the table to Maureen.

"All right, I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone else. Okay?"

Maureen nodded, her eyes sparkling with the prospect of being told a secret.

"Okay, look. You know Alison threw me out last year, right? Well I met someone. Her name's Kati. She's a songwriter. Lives in Mark and Roger's apartment building, actually. But um. . .she's not really interested in me and I want to ask her out, but I don't know how to tell her that I'm still technically married to Alison. So what should I do?"

Maureen grinned conspiratorially at Benny.

"Well, if she's a songwriter you're not gonna get her attention looking like that. You got money, right?"

"Yeah."

"Come on, we're gonna buy you a new wardrobe."

~~~**~~~ Things For the Next Chapter:

Quotes/Opening lines Activities Character pairings (to do the activities, and please keep it clean) Objects And I'm actually gonna let you give me suggestions: What play is Maureen auditioning for?