Chapter 14 - The Dark Lord Makes an Appearance
On the other side of the world, Voldemort was sitting in his cozy home in South Dakota, USA. He was sure no one would find him here. It was brilliant, actually, brilliant just like himself.
He leaned back on his chair with flourish, sipping his earl grey tea. Everything was going well. The doorbell rings, and Voldemort presses his intercom buttom conveniently located next to his armrest.
"And you are?" whispered Voldemort in his best deathly whisper. This was a safety precaution, to scare away young pranksters who found his tomato garden funny.
"It is I, Bellatrix, my lord."
Oh, so it was Bellatrix.
"How do I know you are speaking the truth? How do I know you aren't Dumbledore pretending to be Bellatrix?" demanded Voldemort.
"Because you are all knowing, and you can tell when someone is lying to you! Remember, you proved that to us in the first book."
"Oh shut up."
"May I enter?" whispered Bellatrix, "Those damn kids across the street are staring at me because I just avada kedavra-ed a cat."
"Why did you avada kedavra a cat?! Do you not know that it attracts attention?"
"Well, obviously yes but it was eating your tomatoes!"
Gasp "You are not serious. It was eating the Dark Lord's tomatoes?"
"Yes!"
"Fine, come in then."
"Hello, Voldemort," greeted Bellatrix, "Here, I brought some chocolates for you."
"That's nice, but you know I can't eat chocolates. But never mind that - let's get down to business."
Disney's "Mulan" music plays.
"So -"
Let's get down to business, to defeat - the huns.
"Why are you here?" shouted Voldemort over the music.
"I have some news!" Bellatrix shouted back.
Voldemort didn't respond as he was searching for the remote to stop the music. He pressed the stop button. "There."
"As I said, Voldemort, I have some news."
"Don't you address me like you and I are old friends. You may call me Lord Voldemort, or The Dark Lord, or anything that contains the word Lord."
"Fine," said Bellatrix, rolling her eyes, "My Lord, I have some news."
"Proceed," said Voldemort, helping himself to a Danish buttercookie.
"I was gossipping on the phone with Severus, and he was saying that he found out some stuff about Dumbledore."
"Oh? Is it something juicy? Or did he finally crack and post the location of the Order of the Pheonix on the web?"
Bellatrix grinned. "My Lord, that is exactly what happened. Dumbledore posted the location on the web!"
"Yay!" squealed Voldemort, "I am complete! Race you to the computer, Bella!"
Voldemort races Bellatrix to the computer, but Voldemort won because he cheated and elbowed Bellatrix in the ribs.
"Did Severus tell you the URL?"
"Uh, no..."
"That's okay, we can search on Google."
So on google, the Dark Lord types in 'Order of the Pheonix' for his search querie. After sorting through pages of results, and 2 hours later, he finally finds Dumbledore's website. Hah, thinks Voldemort triumphantly, his website isn't very popular. On the website, there are only a few words, but enough to make Voldemort jump up and high five Bellatrix.
Samsingtonville, Wisconsin.
"Pack your bags, Bellatrix, we're going to Wisconsin!" With that he marched over to his bedroom and pulled out his Louis Vuitton travel bag. He threw some clothes in - mostly black capes - and marched out to the living room.
"Ready, Bellatrix?"
"Apparently, no, it's not like I keep my clothes over at your place."
The Dark Lord sighed impatiently. "It's okay, Bella, we can share."
Exactly 4.2 seconds later, a man with red eyes in a black cloak and a evil looking woman land in the middle of a sunny street in Samsintonville, Wisconsin.
*****
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