Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were in the common room, reading the Daily Prophet by the fire.
"Harry, news goes that Voldemort has been sited in Wisconsin. And South Dakota," said Ron.
Ron and Harry looked at each other, then burst out laughing.
"C-can you believe it? Voldemort? In Wisconsin? I've never even heard of Wisconsin!" gasped Ron.
"That's got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever read! In my life! And I've read alot of stupid things!" roared Harry through his tears of laughter.
"That's just like saying Voldemort apparated one mile from Hogwarts and got a fucking piggy-back ride from that Lestrange lady or something! H-he could even be downstairs at this very moment!" giggled Ron.
This set the two boys into even more fits of uncontrollable guffaws.
Little did they know, that was exactly what was happening.
Downstairs.
"Bella, try to look inconspicuous," whispered Voldemort.
"Yes, I'm sure we'll blend in perfectly," said Bellatrix sarcastically, "You are only the most wanted, evil wizard in the whole damn world. And with our looks and your red eyes, I'm sure no one will notice us."
"I want none of your sarcasm, Bella. Give me anymore of that crap and I will cut off your arm and brew a stew for myself. And believe me, I've done that before," said Voldemort menancingly.
It was then on that Bellatrix decided to stop being mean to Voldemort.
"So, let's go kill Dumbledore now. Where was his office again?"
Bellatrix scratched her head. Frankly, she did not know. It's been a long time... actually, the only memory she could think of was the time when she and Bartholomew (Mr. Lestrange - he must have some kind of a first name) first met up. Ah, that was quite a story. Ignoring Voldemort's nagging and whining, Bellatrix Lestrange daydreamed ... reliving the memory from when she was young.
Bellatrix's heart raced faster as she neared him. Hot damn, there was the hunkster himself, just standing there. Sexy, she thought. Suddenly he turned around. Bella, he said as he smiled warmly, Want to go for a walk? Heart hammering, she muttered a quick yes and -
"BELLA!" screamed a now enraged Voldemort. He was huffing and puffing. "Where the hell is his office?!"
"Over... there..." Bellatrix said distractedly, annoyed at Voldemort's interruption. She pointed in a random general direction.
"Of course, I remember now," said Voldemort contently, walking towards the Gryffindor dormatories (which he thought was the office). "It's been... so long... my mind has been preoccupied with battle strategies and the latest torture devices... forgotten about this old school. Anyways. Hm, this sure looks strange."
"Yeah," murmured Bellatrix, "This is all red and gold. Wasn't that Gryffindor's colors?"
"Whatever," said Voldemort, "Everyone knows that the old senile git favors the Gryffindors. Of course he'd hang these colors around his office."
Heh heh.
Gryffindor common room...
"Voldemort's so stupid," laughed Ron.
"I heard he and Snape were going out," snorted Harry.
"I am not going out with Severus, thank you very much," came a icy voice from the entrance.
Harry and Ron turned white. Ron peed his pants with fear.
"V-voldemort?" stuttered Harry.
"Hello, Harry."
"H-how'd you get in here?" said Ron, scared stiff. And yes, of course Harry and Ron have a conversation with Voldemort when he suddenly appears. Don't ask.
"Well, I have my ways. I'm only the most powerful wizard in the world," said Voldemort nonchalantly, picking at his nails.
"I'm scared, H-harry," muttered Ron.
"Yes, I can tell that, you disgusting baboon," said Harry, annoyed, wrinkling his nose in disgust at Ron's little 'mess'.
Voldemort cleared his throat. "I'm not here to hear your little quarrels on who fears me the most - although that'd be nice. However, I'm here to find Dumbledore. Tell me, where is his office?"
"Turn right, down the hall, downstairs, turn left, right, walk a bit, and then turn left," said Harry wide-eyed.
"Ah, thanks Potter. Oh, I'll come by and kill you off later, as that is my mission, but I've got to get rid of some personal issues first. Toodles!"
Voldemort left Harry and Ron shaking and trembling on their sofas. From fear. They were not on ecstacy.
"I knew I was going to die," said Harry sadly, "I wonder why the author has kept me alive for so long?" With that Harry and Ron embraced.
Voldemort and Bellatrix quickly turned right, went down the hall, downstairs ... etcetera.
"This brings back old memories," exclaimed Voldemort excitedly, "Do you want to go and visit the teachers or something? We could go and see Severus!"
"My Lord, we are on a mission. First kill Dumbledore, then we can do whatever the hell you want. We can even organize a freakin' party, after we finish this," said Bellatrix determinely.
"Yay for parties!" squealed Voldemort.
After moments of silence, Voldemort and Bellatrix finally reached the gargoyle that stood in guard of the entrance to Dumbledore's office.
"Er - move aside, you stupid hunk of stone," commanded Voldemort, prodding at it with his wand.
The gargoyle did not budge.
"Fine, I'll just blast - "
"That won't be neccessary," came a calm voice behind them. Yes, it was Dumbledore with that same annoying twinkle in his eyes.
"... Good evening, Dumbledore," said Voldemort smoothly, "If you don't already know, I'm here to kill you."
Dumbledore chuckled. "Oh yes I know, I read about it in the papers."
There was an uncomfortable silence. "Erm, I'll just get to that then, shall I?" said Voldemort awkwardly. It wasn't everyday that his target just stood there waiting to be Avada Kedavra-ed.
Dumbledore looked bored. He took out a nail-filer and began to file his nails. "Yes, any day now, Voldemort."
However, Voldemort just stood there with a flustered look upon his pale face. "MUGHH! You are making this so difficult! My effing conscience is taking over! I can't kill you now," said a frustrated Voldemort.
Dumbledore stared at him. "...Okay, then?"
Minutes of silence passed.
Voldemort cleared his throat again. "Er - Du - Albus?" Voldemort began tentatively, "Can I stay for the night?"
Dumbledore's calm expression diminished. "What do you mean stay the night!? I can't let you stay at Hogwarts! You are Voldemort, for fuck's sake! Do you know what'll happen to this stupid school if the most evil wizard of all time stayed here? I can just imagine it now - front page of the Daily Prophet - Dumbledore goes senile: lets Voldemort sleep at Hogwarts. Too many people think I've lost my crackers already!"
"Fine," said Voldemort snottily, "Don't let me stay. I was expecting better, Dumbledore, much much better... Come on Bella. We're going back to my hideout."
Voldemort stuck his non-existant nose up in the air and marched out of Hogwarts, with Bellatrix trailing after him.
Meanwhile, none other than Draco Malfoy decided to saunter down the halls at this time.
"Hi Professor," Draco greeted.
"Oh hello, Mr. Malfoy."
"Do tell me, Professor, was that just Voldemort and one of his minions here in Hogwarts?"
"Yep, indeed it was."
Draco sighed. "Awesome... that's great, Professor, I've been wanting to meet the guy for ages. See you later."
Dumbledore stared after Draco. "I'm just a leetle bit worried about that boy..."
Upstairs
Harry and Ron were still embracing.
"D'you think he's gone yet, Harry?" gulped Ron.
"You'll be gone soon if you don't let go," said Harry crossly, "I don't know about you but I don't want to be accused of being homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
Ron looked at Harry strangely. "There's nothing wrong with that."
"That's what I just said, you putz."
"But you said that you didn't want to be homo. Why not, if there's nothing wrong with it?"
"You don't get it, do you? There's nothing wrong with being a - a- worm! But do you want to be a worm? NO!"
"If you put it that way..."
*****
Alright, couple of uh, announcements.
- Much much thanks to you guys who reviewed. You guys are awesome.
- Sorry if this chapter is a bit weird, but I'm not-doing-homework-writing this, so yeah...
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