Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy characters, games, or storylines. Please don't sue me because I'm a redneck and I don't have any money anyways!
A/N: This is stupid. It's almost fluffy in parts but is mostly for humor. I'm rating this PG-13 since it's a bit on the queerish side. I may or may not add another chapter, depending on whether I get bored enough to write more utter nonsense.
~~~
"Oh yeah. That's the way to do it!"
"Would you please be quiet? I don't want anyone to hear us."
"I'm sorry but your just so good!"
"Well, yeah, I know I am."
"I never knew it could feel this wonderful. It's so...good..."
Stopping momentarily, Sephiroth looked over at the blond. "You mean, you've never had someone do this for you before?"
Cloud shook his head, a light blush rising on his cheeks. "I uh...I never really wanted anyone to do it. Until I met you..." He trailed off, unlocking their gazes and looking over at the wall.
The SOLDIER smiled and placed his hand on the younger boys. "Really? So...I'm your first?" he said grinning.
"Yeah," he answered. He dared to look back into the general's eyes and gave him a small smile. "Hey..." he said, now realizing that Sephiroth was at eye level. "Don't stop!" he cried.
Rolling his eyes the silver haired man let out a heavy sigh. "Don't be such a baby."
"Well your not finished yet."
"I'm not stupid. I know I'm not finished. Sheesh. You act like I'm some type of moron who doesn't know what he's doing."
Cloud blinked. "So...you h-have...um...done this before?" he questioned a bit nervously.
The general shrugged. "A couple of times."
"Oh."
Noticing the younger SOLDIER's sudden silence, Sephiroth placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a soft smile. "But I've never enjoyed it this much."
"Really?" He nodded. "Aww Sephy!" Cloud said happily and pulled his friend into a hug. The general's eyes widened momentarily before he hesitantly returned the gesture.
"Uh...Cloud?"
"Yeah?"
"Oxygen...sort of becoming an issue here."
"Oh!" he cried and quickly released him, blushing furiously once again. "Sorry about that dude."
"It's all right," he assured him. "Just don't ever do anything like that again. Now, shut up and hold still."
"I like it when you get aggressive," the blond said and winked.
Sephiroth starred at him blankly. "Eww," he muttered and once again began his ministrations. "Kami-sama this thing is hard. Is it always like this?"
"Only when you're around!"
"You know how wrong that sounds, right?"
"Honestly Seph, you are such a pervert."
"I am not!"
"Oh yes you are, my perverted little bishounen."
"Shut. Up."
"He's my little pervert! Oh yes my little pervert!"
"One, I am not your anything. Two, I am not a pervert! And three...that sounded wrong too."
A moment of silence passed.
"Pervert," Cloud muttered.
Sephiroth glared at his young friend. Suddenly, his light eyes got a mischievous gleam in them as he tightened his hold.
"OUCHIES!" Cloud cried.
"Now, take it back."
"Never!"
Grinning evilly, the general began squeezing his hand, causing the younger man to wince in pain. "Take. It. Back." he said, finishing up each word with another powerful squeeze.
"Ok ok! You're not a pervert!"
"And I'm not a bishounen."
"Err...yeah you are..."
Twist. Squeeze. Pull.
"All right you're not a bishounen either! You're a man. A manly man. A man in tights..."
"Nani?"
"Umm...I didn't just break into song...no not I, Cloud."
"You are very queer, you know that?"
The blond began giggling. He bit his lip to stop, but just couldn't help the laughs that kept escaping. Annoyed, the silver haired non-bishounen *cough cough* let go and narrowed his eyes.
"Stop it."
"Stop what? I'm not doing anything," the young SOLDIER said defensively. "Hey. You stopped again! Darn it, keep going!" After a few moments he added, "Please?" with large puppy dog eyes.
"Then stop laughing. There is nothing funny about this situation."
Cloud kept his mouth shut as Sephiroth yet again went back to what he was doing.
"You said queer," the blond muttered, once again breaking out into giggles.
"So? What's wrong with queer? You're queer."
"You said it again!" he laughed. "Twice!"
The general glared at him. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAYING QUEER?!"
"Ow," he said. "You didn't have to speak in all caps. I am right here you know!"
"Oh...sorry..."
"It's just funny when you say queer, that's all."
"And you call *me* the pervert."
"You are one!"
"I am not. And at least I don't giggle like a giddy school girl on crack."
"A what? Where do you get this stuff?" Shaking his head, Cloud added, "And you say *I'm* the queer one."
"If you say one more word I'm stopping."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed. "I'll be good just don't stop!"
"There. Be a good boy and shut the hell up. Good Cloud. Very good. Yes, my boy. My precious..." Sephiroth then got a dreamy look in his eyes as he began looking away. "oooo precious...the shiny, shiny precious..."
Cloud starred at him. "Have you been watching Lord of the Rings again?"
"Who? Oh uh..." A few anime sweat drops rain down his perfect silver hair. "...no. Didn't I tell you to be quiet?"
"Gomen," the blond quickly apologized. "Maybe you should try putting duck tape over my mouth or something..."
"And what makes you think I have duck tape? I don't think this is the way you spell duck tape but oh well."
"What does spelling have anything to do with...oh, never mind."
"Well?"
"Well what?" Cloud asked, vaguely noting that once again the general had stopped to ask him more questions.
"What makes you think I have duck tape?"
"Err..." He trailed off. "Because I think you might break a lot of stuff?" he said nervously.
Sephiroth studied the boys face intently. "You are a sick little boy."
"But you love me anyway."
Turning back to finish, the general quietly muttered, "I never said that."
The younger SOLDIER heard him and quickly whipped around to face the man.
"What are you doing?" he questioned. "I thought you wanted me to finish. And I was just gettin' my grove on yo."
Ignoring Sephiroth's strange and sudden use of the ghetto language, Cloud starred at him with watery eyes. "You don't...you don't love me?"
"Um...uh...err..." the silver haired man faltered.
"I thought...I thought..." He stuttered before beginning to cry. "I thought I meant something to you!"
The general was at a complete loss of what to do. The man before him was sobbing like a woman. He placed an awkward hand on the blonds shoulder. "Don't cry. Please?"
"Waah!" Cloud wailed.
Sephiroth winced at the high pitched sound. "All right...if you're going to cry, can you do it more quietly? I think someone might hear us..."
"I don't care! My heart is broken! I thought you cared!"
"I...I do care Cloud. Please, stop crying. Just..."
The blonds sobbing quieted after a few moments. "You...you do care?" he sniffled.
Sighing, the silver haired man let his shoulders slump. "Yeah Cloud, I care. Your...my...friend." He scrunched up his nose, the unfamiliar words rolling off his tongue awkwardly.
Cloud starred at him with large eyes. "You like me! You really like me!"
"I suppose I do," Sephiroth said and smiled. He locked eyes with the younger boy. He saw something flicker across the blonds face and took a step back. "Cloud...don't look at me like that..."
"Like what Sephy?" he questioned innocently.
"Like your about to do something...inappropriate to me."
"Me? Oh, I would never do that. Not innocent lil ole me." As soon as the words had been muttered, he made a move to pounce on the older man.
"Ahh! Get it away! Get it away!"
"Don't run! I'm not going to do anything to you! Scouts honor!"
"Nooo! Don't! I'm too young!"
Sephiroth ran around the small tent, trying desperately to get away from the other man. He tripped over a small rubber ducky and was sent to the ground. He turned around and looked up at the blond.
"Don't," he said. "If you do, I'll kill you. I'll rip every blond spike out of your head I swear it. Don't. No. Cloud. Don't. No!"
Cloud jumped on the older man and smirked as he began squirming underneath him. "Don't fight. You *know* you'll enjoy it."
"Will not!"
"Oh yes you will!"
"No! Stop! CLOUD!"
Just outside the tent, Zach was walking by, looking for a certain silver haired general. He then heard screams and loud yells coming from Cloud's tent. A look of shock crossed his face as he began to move away.
"Stop squirming around like that!"
"Don't...Cloud...hey, don't do that! Watch it! That's sensitive!"
Upon hearing the general's cry, the SOLDIER curiously pocked his head into the tent to see what was going on.
"Let me go!"
"Just give me a few more seconds. That's all I need."
"I demand you to stop."
"But it's just so long and pretty. All I want to do is play with it for a while."
"Play with your own," Sephiroth said coldly.
Cloud poked his bottom lip out and pouted. "But you already finished it!"
"Kami forbid you do it twice in one day!" he said in exasperation.
"Please? Please Sephy? I promise it'll be really good! I'll be careful with it! I won't hurt it or nothin' I swear!"
"No!" he yelled angrily.
"But...why?"
Finally managing to push the blond off of him, Sephiroth stood up and stalked over to the side of the tent. Cloud soon followed after him. He placed hand on the general's shoulder, only to have it pushed away. Frowning, he once again reached up to touch the silver haired man.
"Please tell me. It's what friends do. They share."
Biting his lip nervously, the older man turned around to face him. "It's just I've...well...no one's ever done that for me before."
Cloud nearly fell over in shock. "Earlier you said that..."
"I meant that I had done it for someone before. No one has ever...for me..."
"No one?"
He shook his head no. "No one ever wanted to."
Giving him a warm smile, the younger SOLDIER placed his arm around his friends neck. "I'm sure they did, but they were just to afraid to ask."
"I suppose not everyone is as...enthusiastic about it as you."
Cloud grinned and shook his head. "No. But then again, not *everyone* can be perfect like me."
"All right," he said softly. "I'll let you. I mean...if you really want..."
"Yay!" Cloud said happily and pulled his friend into another fierce hug.
"Grr. Cloud, I told you about this. No more hugging!"
"Woops," he said laughing nervously. "Forgot about that one. But you're just so...huggable."
"You are a queer one."
"You said it again."
"Just shut up and get it over with before I change my mind!"
"Fine already!"
Smiling like the baka he was, Cloud pulled his friend towards a small white dresser with pink frilly things glued to the side. Sephiroth raised a queer eyebrow at this friend.
"It was on sale," the blond said simply.
"Riiiggghhhttt," Sephiroth said. "Why are we over here?"
"Objects in mirror are larger than they appear," he commented.
The general frowned. "So what are you saying? You have to put me in front of a mirror to make me look large enough to be worthy of your time?"
"Yep!"
"Gee, your doing wonders for my self-esteem," he muttered dryly.
Zach watched in confusion as Cloud opened one of the drawers and pulled out a small bottle.
"I'm almost out," the blond said softly.
"It's not surprising. You do use it everyday. You're probably gonna have carpal tunnel in a few years, or at least very bad arthritis."
Shrugging, the younger man opened the bottle. "Oh well. This should be enough I think. This is gonna be soooo much fun!"
"You really are like a little child. Don't tell me you sleep with a teddy bear too?"
"Like I would sleep with a teddy bear," Cloud said, tossing a glance over his shoulder to make sure his stuffed tickle me Elmo was safely hidden underneath his SpongeBob Squarepants sleeping bag.
"Be careful," Sephiroth said.
"I will. Promise."
Cloud then skillfully began to get to work. Zach gasped a bit in shock when he started, but made no move to begin leaving.
As he worked, the blond idly began to hum a song. The silver haired man frowned. "Cloud...what are you humming?"
"I'm not humming Whinnie the Pooh Bear. Nope. Uh-uh. Not at all."
"Why in the seven hell's are you humming Whinnie he Pooh Bear?"
"I'm not!"
"Sure..."
"I swear."
"Whatever."
"Honestly."
"I believe you."
"Stop looking at me like that, I'm not!"
"OK!"
There was an awkward silence that fell upon the two.
"Pooh bear Whinnie the pooh bear
Wherever you go, oh won't you take me please?
Pooh bear I gotta be there
It's me and it's you
Silly ole Whinnie the pooh."
"..."
"What?"
"..."
"It's your fault!"
"..."
"If you wouldn't have been humming it..."
"I wasn't!" Cloud insisted. "And at least I didn't sing it," he muttered.
"Oh just shut it."
"Me-ow!" the blond said. "Does kitty-witty have some fangs?"
"Do not speak to me as if I am a child!"
The SOLDIER smirked a bit as Sephiroth let out a rather child like 'humph' and crossed his arms over his chest. Zach just starred in confusion at the sight before him.
"It's so soft," Cloud muttered to himself. "I wish mine was like this."
"Yours would be if you weren't always putting that stuff on it."
"I thought you liked it like that."
"Well..." Sephiroth trailed off. "I never said I didn't like yours, only that if you wanted it to be soft like mine, you should stop playing with it all the time."
"So...do you like it?" Cloud whispered nervously as he continued.
The general nodded. "Y-yeah. I'm glad you talked me into it. You're really good at this. Are you sure you've never done this before?"
"Nope! This is fun though. I think I'd like to do it again," the blond said. "How about it?"
"Oh Cloud, I don't know. What would the other's think? I mean...if they saw me...like this..."
"They'd be laughing their heads off!"
Sephiroth glared at the man behind him. "Then why are you doing it?!"
"Because it feels sooo good."
Zach blinked at the two that stood just a few feet in front of him. Before he could back away, he accidentally tripped over his own feet and fell face first into the tent. The two looked down at the SOLDIER who had literally, just fallen in.
"Hi'ya Zach," Cloud said cheerfully.
"Hey stop! You're not going to do that with another guy in here are you?"
"Why not? It's not like he hasn't seen it before. Woops..."
"What?!" Sephiroth said angrily and whirled around. "What do you mean he's seen it before?"
"Uh...I...um...he he..."
Zach stood up and dusted himself off. "Hi guys!" he said nervously. "Um...I'll just be going now..."
"Oh no you don't," the silver haired man said and grabbed the SOLDIER's shoulder, spinning him around to face him. "What did he mean?"
Cloud stood behind him, flailing his arms around wildly, making small keep quiet motions to the other SOLDIER. The general turned and glared at him, then went back to narrowing his eyes at the other boy.
Zach sighed in defeat. "Well...see...the other day Cloud couldn't get it up on his own so I had to help him. And it was only fair that he did the same for me..."
Sephiroth gasped as his mouth hung open. "You liar! You told me that you'd never asked anyone before!"
"I didn't!" Cloud yelled. "He just sort of noticed that I was having a hard time doing it myself and started doing his own thing. I never asked him to do it!"
"You weren't complaining either," Zach said and scowled. The general and younger man both stood, glaring at the blond.
He laughed nervously and scratched the side of his head. "Err...guys look, I didn't mean to lie I just...well I didn't want you two to be mad or anything."
"So what was with the water works then?" Sephiroth asked bitterly. "All that stuff about me not loving you?!"
Zach raised an eyebrow. "Um...what exactly were you guy's doing? I don't think I was doing *that* with him."
The other two men looked at him. "Pervert!" they both exclaimed.
Sephiroth then turned his full attention to the blond SOLDIER. He narrowed his cold eyes in anger. "*You* lied to me. You said that I was your first and that you'd never done this with anyone else. How could you?"
"I...I..." Cloud stuttered. It was then as he looked into his friend's eyes that he realized how much his lie truly had hurt him. "I'm sorry..." he said sincerely, his own eyes beginning to water. "You were the best...if that's any consolation."
"Hey!" Zach yelled.
"Really?" the silver haired man questioned. "Wait...how many people have done that for you?"
"Oh...err...well Zach...and um there was this one dude and then there was that nice lady with the lima beans and..."
"Never mind! I don't want to know!"
Blinking, the dark haired man began backing out of the tent. The other two men turned their attention to him.
"Where are you going?" they both questioned.
"Away," he answered simply. "You two are acting rather...queerish."
With that he turned and sped off, leaving the other two quite confused. Sephiroth furrowed his brow in confusion. After a few moments he noticed Cloud was no longer standing beside of him, but had moved behind him.
"W-what are you doing?" he stuttered somewhat nervously.
Smirking, the blond answered, "Finishing what I started."
"Cloud!"
"What?" he questioned innocently.
"I'm leaving. I'm mad at you, remember? You lied to me. And after I..."
He sighed heavily and rested his head on the other mans broad shoulder. "Come on Sephy, let me make it up to you."
He raised an eyebrow at the younger man, tilting his head to look at him. "How?" he questioned suspiciously.
Grinning the other man turned and began rummaging through a large toy chest which sat in front of his sleeping bag. After several moments he pulled something out.
"Ah-ha!" he yelled in triumph. He then stood up, hiding the object behind his back.
"What's that?" he questioned.
"A peace offering," he answered. "I'm sorry for lying to you. I didn't want you to get upset."
Continuing to narrow his eyes in suspicion, Sephiroth took a cautious step towards him. "What is it?" he asked again.
Unable to hide his grin, Cloud whipped the object out in front of him and extended his arms towards the other man. The general's eyes widened when he saw what he was being presented with.
"It's...how did you...oh Cloud...it's perfect!" he cried happily as he grabbed the Yu-Gi-Oh plushie and hugged it to him tightly. "Thank you!"
"No problem," the blond said. "And look!" he said, producing his very own Pegasus plushie. "Now we can play Duel Monsters!"
"Hurray!"
The two men sat down on the sleeping bag and began their battle of Duel Monsters.
"You know," Sephiroth said idly. "I think I should be Pegasus."
"Why's that?"
"Well, he's evil, has silver-ish hair, and does have those nifty powers. And Yu-Gi has spikey blond hair, and is good, and has his own nifty powers."
They both then looked down at their plushies, each mentally making a checklist of the similarities between themselves and their favorite anime characters. They both made eye contact.
"Queer..." they whispered, each raising their right index finger.
Both of them shrugged and continued playing anyway.
"Hey Cloud."
"Yeah?"
"Is mine still up?"
Leaning over to look at the man from behind, he nodded. "Yup. Thank you for letting me spike your hair," he said.
"No problem. It was fun spiking yours too!"
"It really was. Um...you know...I am sorry about the whole Zach thing. I mean, he saw my hair messed up and just started putting hair gel and stuff in it..."
"Is that why it was almost all gone?" Sephiroth inquired.
The blond nodded sheepishly.
"Um...can I ask you another question?"
"Sure," the younger man said.
Blushing a bit, the silver haired man questioned, "If Zach was willing to do your hair before, why'd you ask me?"
"Err...well...ah..." He faltered, unsure of what to say. "Because you're my friend. You're my bestest best friend in the whole universe. And besides, that's what your *supposed* to do at a slumber party."
"Really? I never knew what you were supposed to do. No one ever invited me over to their tent before."
Cloud gave him a soft smile. Being in the Shinra army was pretty lonely sometimes. That was what had given him the idea to have a slumber party in the first place.
"What other sorts of things do people do at a slumber party?" the general questioned, grabbing one of his plushies legs and making him kick Pegasus in the gut.
"Well...let's see. There's doing each other's hair."
"Check," Sephiroth said.
"Playing Duel Monsters."
"Check."
"Manicures, pedicures, consuming large amounts of chocolate, pillow fights, and staying up late to talk about boys."
"Err...Cloud...are we gonna talk about boys?"
The blond blushed. "Um...I suppose we could leave that bit out..."
Both of their eyes met. Swallowing hard, the silver haired man began to lean forward cautiously.
"Cloud..." he breathed as he inched his face closer to the younger mans.
"Yes Sephiroth?" he questioned in a low voice.
The two continued to move closer. The blond felt the other mans warm breath on his cheek as their faces hung only an inch away from one another.
"...I..." the general began. The younger boy began moving in even closer, his lips only a breath away from the others. Sephiroth pulled away quickly, breathing heavily. Cloud broke out into a triumphant grin.
"Ha! I beat you at gay chicken again! Oh yeah. Go Cloud. It's your birthday. Not really, not really. Who cares? I won. Who won? I won!"
"Oh just shut up," he said to the boasting man.
"Don't be a sore loser Seph," he said.
Glaring, the other man replied, "One of these days, I will beat you."
Putting his hand up to touch the silver spike Cloud had made in his hair and making sure it was still there, Sephiroth head-butted his Yu-Gi-Oh plush against Cloud's Pegasus.
~~~
A/N: All righty! See, it sounds like their doing something wrong and inappropriate, but their really not. Sephy was helping Cloud re-do one of his spike things, and Cloud did the same for him. *giggles* Can you see Sephy with one big silver spike in his hair like Cloud's? He he...
By the way, for those of you who didn't know.
Gomen-sorry
Baka-stupid, idiot
Nani- what?
Kami- God
Sephiroth- Your queer.
Cloud- You know something else that's queer.
Sephiroth- What?
Cloud- Reviewing idiotic one shots like this.
Zach- Oooo I want to try!
Sephiroth- We can't. We're stuck in these damn Author's Notes. But...if you kind people out there would like to review for us...
Cloud- ...we would be very grateful...
Zach- Eww. You guy's really *are* perverts!
REVIEW! For the love of GOD people. If you review, I might stop writing this stupid one-shots and actually write a serious story. Or if you like 'em I can write more stupid one-shots. And no flames or Sephiroth (who I don't own) will do something bad to you! And by the way, the gay chicken thing, one of my freidns used it in her story but I'm not stealing it from her! I'm stealing it from Scrubs!
A/N: This is stupid. It's almost fluffy in parts but is mostly for humor. I'm rating this PG-13 since it's a bit on the queerish side. I may or may not add another chapter, depending on whether I get bored enough to write more utter nonsense.
~~~
"Oh yeah. That's the way to do it!"
"Would you please be quiet? I don't want anyone to hear us."
"I'm sorry but your just so good!"
"Well, yeah, I know I am."
"I never knew it could feel this wonderful. It's so...good..."
Stopping momentarily, Sephiroth looked over at the blond. "You mean, you've never had someone do this for you before?"
Cloud shook his head, a light blush rising on his cheeks. "I uh...I never really wanted anyone to do it. Until I met you..." He trailed off, unlocking their gazes and looking over at the wall.
The SOLDIER smiled and placed his hand on the younger boys. "Really? So...I'm your first?" he said grinning.
"Yeah," he answered. He dared to look back into the general's eyes and gave him a small smile. "Hey..." he said, now realizing that Sephiroth was at eye level. "Don't stop!" he cried.
Rolling his eyes the silver haired man let out a heavy sigh. "Don't be such a baby."
"Well your not finished yet."
"I'm not stupid. I know I'm not finished. Sheesh. You act like I'm some type of moron who doesn't know what he's doing."
Cloud blinked. "So...you h-have...um...done this before?" he questioned a bit nervously.
The general shrugged. "A couple of times."
"Oh."
Noticing the younger SOLDIER's sudden silence, Sephiroth placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a soft smile. "But I've never enjoyed it this much."
"Really?" He nodded. "Aww Sephy!" Cloud said happily and pulled his friend into a hug. The general's eyes widened momentarily before he hesitantly returned the gesture.
"Uh...Cloud?"
"Yeah?"
"Oxygen...sort of becoming an issue here."
"Oh!" he cried and quickly released him, blushing furiously once again. "Sorry about that dude."
"It's all right," he assured him. "Just don't ever do anything like that again. Now, shut up and hold still."
"I like it when you get aggressive," the blond said and winked.
Sephiroth starred at him blankly. "Eww," he muttered and once again began his ministrations. "Kami-sama this thing is hard. Is it always like this?"
"Only when you're around!"
"You know how wrong that sounds, right?"
"Honestly Seph, you are such a pervert."
"I am not!"
"Oh yes you are, my perverted little bishounen."
"Shut. Up."
"He's my little pervert! Oh yes my little pervert!"
"One, I am not your anything. Two, I am not a pervert! And three...that sounded wrong too."
A moment of silence passed.
"Pervert," Cloud muttered.
Sephiroth glared at his young friend. Suddenly, his light eyes got a mischievous gleam in them as he tightened his hold.
"OUCHIES!" Cloud cried.
"Now, take it back."
"Never!"
Grinning evilly, the general began squeezing his hand, causing the younger man to wince in pain. "Take. It. Back." he said, finishing up each word with another powerful squeeze.
"Ok ok! You're not a pervert!"
"And I'm not a bishounen."
"Err...yeah you are..."
Twist. Squeeze. Pull.
"All right you're not a bishounen either! You're a man. A manly man. A man in tights..."
"Nani?"
"Umm...I didn't just break into song...no not I, Cloud."
"You are very queer, you know that?"
The blond began giggling. He bit his lip to stop, but just couldn't help the laughs that kept escaping. Annoyed, the silver haired non-bishounen *cough cough* let go and narrowed his eyes.
"Stop it."
"Stop what? I'm not doing anything," the young SOLDIER said defensively. "Hey. You stopped again! Darn it, keep going!" After a few moments he added, "Please?" with large puppy dog eyes.
"Then stop laughing. There is nothing funny about this situation."
Cloud kept his mouth shut as Sephiroth yet again went back to what he was doing.
"You said queer," the blond muttered, once again breaking out into giggles.
"So? What's wrong with queer? You're queer."
"You said it again!" he laughed. "Twice!"
The general glared at him. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAYING QUEER?!"
"Ow," he said. "You didn't have to speak in all caps. I am right here you know!"
"Oh...sorry..."
"It's just funny when you say queer, that's all."
"And you call *me* the pervert."
"You are one!"
"I am not. And at least I don't giggle like a giddy school girl on crack."
"A what? Where do you get this stuff?" Shaking his head, Cloud added, "And you say *I'm* the queer one."
"If you say one more word I'm stopping."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed. "I'll be good just don't stop!"
"There. Be a good boy and shut the hell up. Good Cloud. Very good. Yes, my boy. My precious..." Sephiroth then got a dreamy look in his eyes as he began looking away. "oooo precious...the shiny, shiny precious..."
Cloud starred at him. "Have you been watching Lord of the Rings again?"
"Who? Oh uh..." A few anime sweat drops rain down his perfect silver hair. "...no. Didn't I tell you to be quiet?"
"Gomen," the blond quickly apologized. "Maybe you should try putting duck tape over my mouth or something..."
"And what makes you think I have duck tape? I don't think this is the way you spell duck tape but oh well."
"What does spelling have anything to do with...oh, never mind."
"Well?"
"Well what?" Cloud asked, vaguely noting that once again the general had stopped to ask him more questions.
"What makes you think I have duck tape?"
"Err..." He trailed off. "Because I think you might break a lot of stuff?" he said nervously.
Sephiroth studied the boys face intently. "You are a sick little boy."
"But you love me anyway."
Turning back to finish, the general quietly muttered, "I never said that."
The younger SOLDIER heard him and quickly whipped around to face the man.
"What are you doing?" he questioned. "I thought you wanted me to finish. And I was just gettin' my grove on yo."
Ignoring Sephiroth's strange and sudden use of the ghetto language, Cloud starred at him with watery eyes. "You don't...you don't love me?"
"Um...uh...err..." the silver haired man faltered.
"I thought...I thought..." He stuttered before beginning to cry. "I thought I meant something to you!"
The general was at a complete loss of what to do. The man before him was sobbing like a woman. He placed an awkward hand on the blonds shoulder. "Don't cry. Please?"
"Waah!" Cloud wailed.
Sephiroth winced at the high pitched sound. "All right...if you're going to cry, can you do it more quietly? I think someone might hear us..."
"I don't care! My heart is broken! I thought you cared!"
"I...I do care Cloud. Please, stop crying. Just..."
The blonds sobbing quieted after a few moments. "You...you do care?" he sniffled.
Sighing, the silver haired man let his shoulders slump. "Yeah Cloud, I care. Your...my...friend." He scrunched up his nose, the unfamiliar words rolling off his tongue awkwardly.
Cloud starred at him with large eyes. "You like me! You really like me!"
"I suppose I do," Sephiroth said and smiled. He locked eyes with the younger boy. He saw something flicker across the blonds face and took a step back. "Cloud...don't look at me like that..."
"Like what Sephy?" he questioned innocently.
"Like your about to do something...inappropriate to me."
"Me? Oh, I would never do that. Not innocent lil ole me." As soon as the words had been muttered, he made a move to pounce on the older man.
"Ahh! Get it away! Get it away!"
"Don't run! I'm not going to do anything to you! Scouts honor!"
"Nooo! Don't! I'm too young!"
Sephiroth ran around the small tent, trying desperately to get away from the other man. He tripped over a small rubber ducky and was sent to the ground. He turned around and looked up at the blond.
"Don't," he said. "If you do, I'll kill you. I'll rip every blond spike out of your head I swear it. Don't. No. Cloud. Don't. No!"
Cloud jumped on the older man and smirked as he began squirming underneath him. "Don't fight. You *know* you'll enjoy it."
"Will not!"
"Oh yes you will!"
"No! Stop! CLOUD!"
Just outside the tent, Zach was walking by, looking for a certain silver haired general. He then heard screams and loud yells coming from Cloud's tent. A look of shock crossed his face as he began to move away.
"Stop squirming around like that!"
"Don't...Cloud...hey, don't do that! Watch it! That's sensitive!"
Upon hearing the general's cry, the SOLDIER curiously pocked his head into the tent to see what was going on.
"Let me go!"
"Just give me a few more seconds. That's all I need."
"I demand you to stop."
"But it's just so long and pretty. All I want to do is play with it for a while."
"Play with your own," Sephiroth said coldly.
Cloud poked his bottom lip out and pouted. "But you already finished it!"
"Kami forbid you do it twice in one day!" he said in exasperation.
"Please? Please Sephy? I promise it'll be really good! I'll be careful with it! I won't hurt it or nothin' I swear!"
"No!" he yelled angrily.
"But...why?"
Finally managing to push the blond off of him, Sephiroth stood up and stalked over to the side of the tent. Cloud soon followed after him. He placed hand on the general's shoulder, only to have it pushed away. Frowning, he once again reached up to touch the silver haired man.
"Please tell me. It's what friends do. They share."
Biting his lip nervously, the older man turned around to face him. "It's just I've...well...no one's ever done that for me before."
Cloud nearly fell over in shock. "Earlier you said that..."
"I meant that I had done it for someone before. No one has ever...for me..."
"No one?"
He shook his head no. "No one ever wanted to."
Giving him a warm smile, the younger SOLDIER placed his arm around his friends neck. "I'm sure they did, but they were just to afraid to ask."
"I suppose not everyone is as...enthusiastic about it as you."
Cloud grinned and shook his head. "No. But then again, not *everyone* can be perfect like me."
"All right," he said softly. "I'll let you. I mean...if you really want..."
"Yay!" Cloud said happily and pulled his friend into another fierce hug.
"Grr. Cloud, I told you about this. No more hugging!"
"Woops," he said laughing nervously. "Forgot about that one. But you're just so...huggable."
"You are a queer one."
"You said it again."
"Just shut up and get it over with before I change my mind!"
"Fine already!"
Smiling like the baka he was, Cloud pulled his friend towards a small white dresser with pink frilly things glued to the side. Sephiroth raised a queer eyebrow at this friend.
"It was on sale," the blond said simply.
"Riiiggghhhttt," Sephiroth said. "Why are we over here?"
"Objects in mirror are larger than they appear," he commented.
The general frowned. "So what are you saying? You have to put me in front of a mirror to make me look large enough to be worthy of your time?"
"Yep!"
"Gee, your doing wonders for my self-esteem," he muttered dryly.
Zach watched in confusion as Cloud opened one of the drawers and pulled out a small bottle.
"I'm almost out," the blond said softly.
"It's not surprising. You do use it everyday. You're probably gonna have carpal tunnel in a few years, or at least very bad arthritis."
Shrugging, the younger man opened the bottle. "Oh well. This should be enough I think. This is gonna be soooo much fun!"
"You really are like a little child. Don't tell me you sleep with a teddy bear too?"
"Like I would sleep with a teddy bear," Cloud said, tossing a glance over his shoulder to make sure his stuffed tickle me Elmo was safely hidden underneath his SpongeBob Squarepants sleeping bag.
"Be careful," Sephiroth said.
"I will. Promise."
Cloud then skillfully began to get to work. Zach gasped a bit in shock when he started, but made no move to begin leaving.
As he worked, the blond idly began to hum a song. The silver haired man frowned. "Cloud...what are you humming?"
"I'm not humming Whinnie the Pooh Bear. Nope. Uh-uh. Not at all."
"Why in the seven hell's are you humming Whinnie he Pooh Bear?"
"I'm not!"
"Sure..."
"I swear."
"Whatever."
"Honestly."
"I believe you."
"Stop looking at me like that, I'm not!"
"OK!"
There was an awkward silence that fell upon the two.
"Pooh bear Whinnie the pooh bear
Wherever you go, oh won't you take me please?
Pooh bear I gotta be there
It's me and it's you
Silly ole Whinnie the pooh."
"..."
"What?"
"..."
"It's your fault!"
"..."
"If you wouldn't have been humming it..."
"I wasn't!" Cloud insisted. "And at least I didn't sing it," he muttered.
"Oh just shut it."
"Me-ow!" the blond said. "Does kitty-witty have some fangs?"
"Do not speak to me as if I am a child!"
The SOLDIER smirked a bit as Sephiroth let out a rather child like 'humph' and crossed his arms over his chest. Zach just starred in confusion at the sight before him.
"It's so soft," Cloud muttered to himself. "I wish mine was like this."
"Yours would be if you weren't always putting that stuff on it."
"I thought you liked it like that."
"Well..." Sephiroth trailed off. "I never said I didn't like yours, only that if you wanted it to be soft like mine, you should stop playing with it all the time."
"So...do you like it?" Cloud whispered nervously as he continued.
The general nodded. "Y-yeah. I'm glad you talked me into it. You're really good at this. Are you sure you've never done this before?"
"Nope! This is fun though. I think I'd like to do it again," the blond said. "How about it?"
"Oh Cloud, I don't know. What would the other's think? I mean...if they saw me...like this..."
"They'd be laughing their heads off!"
Sephiroth glared at the man behind him. "Then why are you doing it?!"
"Because it feels sooo good."
Zach blinked at the two that stood just a few feet in front of him. Before he could back away, he accidentally tripped over his own feet and fell face first into the tent. The two looked down at the SOLDIER who had literally, just fallen in.
"Hi'ya Zach," Cloud said cheerfully.
"Hey stop! You're not going to do that with another guy in here are you?"
"Why not? It's not like he hasn't seen it before. Woops..."
"What?!" Sephiroth said angrily and whirled around. "What do you mean he's seen it before?"
"Uh...I...um...he he..."
Zach stood up and dusted himself off. "Hi guys!" he said nervously. "Um...I'll just be going now..."
"Oh no you don't," the silver haired man said and grabbed the SOLDIER's shoulder, spinning him around to face him. "What did he mean?"
Cloud stood behind him, flailing his arms around wildly, making small keep quiet motions to the other SOLDIER. The general turned and glared at him, then went back to narrowing his eyes at the other boy.
Zach sighed in defeat. "Well...see...the other day Cloud couldn't get it up on his own so I had to help him. And it was only fair that he did the same for me..."
Sephiroth gasped as his mouth hung open. "You liar! You told me that you'd never asked anyone before!"
"I didn't!" Cloud yelled. "He just sort of noticed that I was having a hard time doing it myself and started doing his own thing. I never asked him to do it!"
"You weren't complaining either," Zach said and scowled. The general and younger man both stood, glaring at the blond.
He laughed nervously and scratched the side of his head. "Err...guys look, I didn't mean to lie I just...well I didn't want you two to be mad or anything."
"So what was with the water works then?" Sephiroth asked bitterly. "All that stuff about me not loving you?!"
Zach raised an eyebrow. "Um...what exactly were you guy's doing? I don't think I was doing *that* with him."
The other two men looked at him. "Pervert!" they both exclaimed.
Sephiroth then turned his full attention to the blond SOLDIER. He narrowed his cold eyes in anger. "*You* lied to me. You said that I was your first and that you'd never done this with anyone else. How could you?"
"I...I..." Cloud stuttered. It was then as he looked into his friend's eyes that he realized how much his lie truly had hurt him. "I'm sorry..." he said sincerely, his own eyes beginning to water. "You were the best...if that's any consolation."
"Hey!" Zach yelled.
"Really?" the silver haired man questioned. "Wait...how many people have done that for you?"
"Oh...err...well Zach...and um there was this one dude and then there was that nice lady with the lima beans and..."
"Never mind! I don't want to know!"
Blinking, the dark haired man began backing out of the tent. The other two men turned their attention to him.
"Where are you going?" they both questioned.
"Away," he answered simply. "You two are acting rather...queerish."
With that he turned and sped off, leaving the other two quite confused. Sephiroth furrowed his brow in confusion. After a few moments he noticed Cloud was no longer standing beside of him, but had moved behind him.
"W-what are you doing?" he stuttered somewhat nervously.
Smirking, the blond answered, "Finishing what I started."
"Cloud!"
"What?" he questioned innocently.
"I'm leaving. I'm mad at you, remember? You lied to me. And after I..."
He sighed heavily and rested his head on the other mans broad shoulder. "Come on Sephy, let me make it up to you."
He raised an eyebrow at the younger man, tilting his head to look at him. "How?" he questioned suspiciously.
Grinning the other man turned and began rummaging through a large toy chest which sat in front of his sleeping bag. After several moments he pulled something out.
"Ah-ha!" he yelled in triumph. He then stood up, hiding the object behind his back.
"What's that?" he questioned.
"A peace offering," he answered. "I'm sorry for lying to you. I didn't want you to get upset."
Continuing to narrow his eyes in suspicion, Sephiroth took a cautious step towards him. "What is it?" he asked again.
Unable to hide his grin, Cloud whipped the object out in front of him and extended his arms towards the other man. The general's eyes widened when he saw what he was being presented with.
"It's...how did you...oh Cloud...it's perfect!" he cried happily as he grabbed the Yu-Gi-Oh plushie and hugged it to him tightly. "Thank you!"
"No problem," the blond said. "And look!" he said, producing his very own Pegasus plushie. "Now we can play Duel Monsters!"
"Hurray!"
The two men sat down on the sleeping bag and began their battle of Duel Monsters.
"You know," Sephiroth said idly. "I think I should be Pegasus."
"Why's that?"
"Well, he's evil, has silver-ish hair, and does have those nifty powers. And Yu-Gi has spikey blond hair, and is good, and has his own nifty powers."
They both then looked down at their plushies, each mentally making a checklist of the similarities between themselves and their favorite anime characters. They both made eye contact.
"Queer..." they whispered, each raising their right index finger.
Both of them shrugged and continued playing anyway.
"Hey Cloud."
"Yeah?"
"Is mine still up?"
Leaning over to look at the man from behind, he nodded. "Yup. Thank you for letting me spike your hair," he said.
"No problem. It was fun spiking yours too!"
"It really was. Um...you know...I am sorry about the whole Zach thing. I mean, he saw my hair messed up and just started putting hair gel and stuff in it..."
"Is that why it was almost all gone?" Sephiroth inquired.
The blond nodded sheepishly.
"Um...can I ask you another question?"
"Sure," the younger man said.
Blushing a bit, the silver haired man questioned, "If Zach was willing to do your hair before, why'd you ask me?"
"Err...well...ah..." He faltered, unsure of what to say. "Because you're my friend. You're my bestest best friend in the whole universe. And besides, that's what your *supposed* to do at a slumber party."
"Really? I never knew what you were supposed to do. No one ever invited me over to their tent before."
Cloud gave him a soft smile. Being in the Shinra army was pretty lonely sometimes. That was what had given him the idea to have a slumber party in the first place.
"What other sorts of things do people do at a slumber party?" the general questioned, grabbing one of his plushies legs and making him kick Pegasus in the gut.
"Well...let's see. There's doing each other's hair."
"Check," Sephiroth said.
"Playing Duel Monsters."
"Check."
"Manicures, pedicures, consuming large amounts of chocolate, pillow fights, and staying up late to talk about boys."
"Err...Cloud...are we gonna talk about boys?"
The blond blushed. "Um...I suppose we could leave that bit out..."
Both of their eyes met. Swallowing hard, the silver haired man began to lean forward cautiously.
"Cloud..." he breathed as he inched his face closer to the younger mans.
"Yes Sephiroth?" he questioned in a low voice.
The two continued to move closer. The blond felt the other mans warm breath on his cheek as their faces hung only an inch away from one another.
"...I..." the general began. The younger boy began moving in even closer, his lips only a breath away from the others. Sephiroth pulled away quickly, breathing heavily. Cloud broke out into a triumphant grin.
"Ha! I beat you at gay chicken again! Oh yeah. Go Cloud. It's your birthday. Not really, not really. Who cares? I won. Who won? I won!"
"Oh just shut up," he said to the boasting man.
"Don't be a sore loser Seph," he said.
Glaring, the other man replied, "One of these days, I will beat you."
Putting his hand up to touch the silver spike Cloud had made in his hair and making sure it was still there, Sephiroth head-butted his Yu-Gi-Oh plush against Cloud's Pegasus.
~~~
A/N: All righty! See, it sounds like their doing something wrong and inappropriate, but their really not. Sephy was helping Cloud re-do one of his spike things, and Cloud did the same for him. *giggles* Can you see Sephy with one big silver spike in his hair like Cloud's? He he...
By the way, for those of you who didn't know.
Gomen-sorry
Baka-stupid, idiot
Nani- what?
Kami- God
Sephiroth- Your queer.
Cloud- You know something else that's queer.
Sephiroth- What?
Cloud- Reviewing idiotic one shots like this.
Zach- Oooo I want to try!
Sephiroth- We can't. We're stuck in these damn Author's Notes. But...if you kind people out there would like to review for us...
Cloud- ...we would be very grateful...
Zach- Eww. You guy's really *are* perverts!
REVIEW! For the love of GOD people. If you review, I might stop writing this stupid one-shots and actually write a serious story. Or if you like 'em I can write more stupid one-shots. And no flames or Sephiroth (who I don't own) will do something bad to you! And by the way, the gay chicken thing, one of my freidns used it in her story but I'm not stealing it from her! I'm stealing it from Scrubs!