Bellatrix layed slumped over on her back over a lump of hay. Her long hair was littered with twigs and leaves. She had kicked off her zebra-striped stilletto boots, and the pink and yellow polkadotted hair band was thrown carelessly in a corner of the smelly barn.
Voldemort was using his wand to draw a map of the school in mid-air.
"So I'm thinking, when they have their little party, I could go in and pretend that the Giant Squid has eaten one of the professors - say, Professor Flitwick. Then everyone gets all panicky, and the party is ruined!" Voldemort smiled widely.
Bellatrix mumbled incoherantly.
"What was that, dear?"
"I said," she sat up, propping herself with her hands, "That's the most pathetic party-pooping idea I've ever heard of."
"Well, you think of one," Voldemort scowled.
"Why don't you just go in and kill someone?"
"Like Dumbledore?"
"Sure, like Dumbledore."
Voldemort furrowed his brow in thought. "Don't you think that's a bit ... extreme?"
"Hey, dumbass, you are the Dark Lord, aren't you? You did make your servant chop off his hand, you've avada-ed thousands of innocent people -"
"Stop," Voldemort held up his hand. He wiggled his index finger. "Stop."
Bellatrix looked at him.
"Are you the boss here, or am I?" Voldemort snapped.
"Oh shut up, stupid."
Voldemort looked hurt. "Fine."
Bellatrix sighed. "Why don't you just abduct someone and throw the kid in the lake?"
"That's a wonderful idea!" Voldemort's sad mood lifted and he jumped up and down with joy. "Let's get ready, Bella."
Time of the Spring Fling Dance
Snap. Voldemort snapped on his latex gloves, and motioned for Bellatrix to do the same. He put on his black ski mask and bent down to tie his black boots. He zipped up his black jacket and smoothed out his pants.
Bellatrix was wearing a long black overcoat with a black topcat over her greasy hair.
"Ready when you are, my Lord," Bellatrix whispered importantly, as if pretending to be one of those spy-girls in the movies.
"I was ready before you, you twit," Voldemort whispered back irritably.
Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "C'mon, let's head towards the castle," she whispered again.
"Why are we whispering?"
"It makes things more exciting."
"Oh, okay."
They walked in silence towards the castle. The great door opened with ease and once again, Voldemort and his servant were inside Hogwarts.
The castle was decorated with nice bursts of crepe paper, with colorful floating candles and colorful bouncing bubbles. Little magical creatures were wizzing around, throwing spring-colored confetti into everyone's eyes.
"Who are we abducting again?" frowned Voldemort, as he whacked a magical creature unconscious to the ground.
"I - don't - know -" grunted Bellatrix as she deliberately (and evilly, may I add) crushed the windpipe of the unconscious creature. Perhaps she was trying to redeem herself in the eyes of her lord. Who knows.
"A Gryffindor?" squealed Voldemort with delight. "A Ravenclaw? Or even better - a Hufflepuff?" exclaimed Voldemort with such glee he clapped his hands each time.
"Whichever pleases you."
Their (short) journey towards the Great Hall was silent for the rest of the way.
A small plop was heard, and after that, a series of unrepeatable curse words. Then, a wail from Bellatrix.
"What am I? A poo magnet?" she cried in agony.
Apparently, the friends of the now unconscious creature-whose-windpipes-were-crushed-under-Bellatrix's-boots were here to get revenge, in the form of excreting their waste on her. An army of blue flying things whirled around her, and plops were happening so fast it was now more of a drawn out plooooo sound.
Voldemort just cackled. He was euphoric.
Great Hall
The staff was enthusiastically dancing around. Professor Flitwick was cheerily twirling Professor Sprout round and round, Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were dancing grandly in circles. None of the students were dancing. They looked bored and once in a while, one of them would go over to the food tables and help themselves to another refreshment all carved in the shapes of trees and clouds.
Voldemort stealthily creeped over to the back of the crowd. Making sure to stay in the shadows, he peered around for a potential victim.
He saw a boy stuffing his mouth with cakes and cookies, and Voldemort wrinkled his nose. No manners, that boy. Besides, he was too fat for Voldemort to handle; he didn't have the strongest arms in the world to lift up such a heavy creature.
His eyes drifted towards a skinny girl in a blue sweater. She was shrieking loudly with laughter at some joke someone had apparently told. She would be too loud to handle, he thought.
In the corner of the room, there was a sleeping boy, and from the looks of it, a 2nd year at most. Good choice, Voldemort thought.
Draco grimaced as his two pals guffawed with laughter after Pansy Parkinson told another horrible joke. I wish I had smarter friends.
"Drakie honey, wasn't that funny?" gasped Pansy, wiping her nose of the snot that managed to come out from her loud snorting.
"Er, no."
Pansy decided to ignore him and instead told another joke, which resulted in Crabbe almost suffocating himself with laughter.
Voldemort gleefully held the body of the still miraculously sleeping boy up in the air in triumph. Bellatrix grumpily gave a grunt of approval. Voldemort looked around for a sign of shock, fright - anything. But he got none. No one noticed that the Dark Lord was in the Great Hall holding a boy in the air.
"I guess I'll have to announce it in front of them," huffed Voldemort. He marched indignantly up to the tables, and with difficulty, climbed onto one of them.
"May I have your attention, please!" bellowed Voldemort.
Several heads turned his way.
"I have abducted a Hogwarts student, and I am planning to throw him in the lake!"
Most of the people who were looking at him lost interest and continued chatting with their friends. The ones that were listening, however, looked skeptical.
"I am throwing -" Voldemort gestured, by doing swinging movements with his hands " - this boy - " he pointed madly at the sleeping boy " - in the lake!" He made swimming movements to represent the water.
By now, no one was looking at him anymore.
Voldemort was sad. And mad. Angrily, he chucked the sleeping boy in the crowd. The people nonchalantly kicked the boy out of the way when they left to get refreshments.
"What is wrong with you people," cried Voldemort emotionally, "I was just about to kill him and none of you caaarreeee..." He buried his head in his arms and sobbed.
"There there," said Dumbledore, who was now patting the shaking Dark Lord, "I suppose you may have lost your touch, that's all. You see, people aren't scared of you anymore!" He chuckled. "Oh well, why don't you stay a few nights at Hogwarts and we'll restore you back to your scary old self!"
"Really?" asked Voldemort softly with misty eyes, "Will you do that?"
"Of course! Us old geezers have to stick together!" Dumbledore huffed good naturely.
Hiccuping, Voldemort stood up and the two old men went to find Voldemort a spare room.
Bellatrix looked disapprovingly at the two retreating figures. She knew Voldemort was going soft. She supposed all those years of successful work would drain the old man of all the evil energy he had.
A tiny little fluttering bird threw a handful of confetti in her face, and Bellatrix threw her hat at it. Muttering angrily, she strode out of the Great Hall and retreated back to her hiding place in the barn with the hippogriffs.
*****
I know I update infrequently, and this chapter probably wasn't even worth it, but I have no idea what to write. Still, review anyway or I'll set my crazy parakeet out at you. Hah. Hah. Okay, just kidding. Review because it makes me happy, and happy makes me giddy, which makes me write interesting (cough) chapters. Oh and by the way, read my other story, The Potion Chatoyante, which is going into post Hogwarts and will be updated more frequently than this one, maybe. But don't expect any zany humor or whatnot.
And read BlackSlytherinGirl's stories. And all the other stories on my favorites list, because they are all really, really good.