I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

Chapter One

And you've been dancing as fast as you can with a smile on your face.

All she could do was walk. There was no other word for it. The simple process of putting on foot in front of another was quickly becoming to complicated. Sure, she was book smart. But she wasn't a nerd. Being a nerd would have been better than her current social standing. Lily was what a muggle therapist would call a wallpaper child. Lily could live and not be noticed; stand three foot from you and you wouldn't see her. And that was more dangerous than the most obvious, attention-desperate, rule breaking class clowns.

So naturally, Lily had no problem slipping past the prefects on the platform in Hogsemede. No problem at all. Like taking candy from a baby, she thought with a small smile that no one saw. And without looking back once Lily ran straight towards the one place that most Hogwarts students had the common sense to stay away from. The forbidden forest.

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Flashback

Lily sat on her bed at home her back to the door. She was doodling not as much drawing as sketching random lines on a paper until the design intrigued her. She was mulling over a letter she had just received. A practical joke from one of her friends probably. She glanced over her shoulder again, toward the desk in the corner of the room.

Sighing, she got up and preceded to pull out the piece of paper. She had found it sitting on her window ledge this morning and if that didn't scream evil trick by her sister or pathetic prank by friend, she didn't know what did… But she couldn't help but wonder what if it was real.

She lightly traced the seal on the back of the envelope. It was an odd Seal she couldn't place it but then again that didn't strike her as something that her dumbass sister would think up. Petunia was five years older than she was. Old enough for them to have hated each other since the beginning. And hate each other they did. Petunia had gotten the ability to get whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it. Lily had got the brains. It wasn't much of an arrangement but it was the hand fate had dealt them.

Lily pulled the letter from the envelope and stared at the words once again. Though by now she had them memorized. Knew them like the back of her hand.

Dear Miss Evans,

You have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Things had just gone down hill from there, Lily thought. She continued to run, not quite sure of what she was afraid of. No one at school even knew her name. So no one would come after her sure the teachers would miss her eventually, and sooner or later some one would find her body but what would it matter then? She continued to run. She hadn't wanted to get away from something this bad since…

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Flashback

She couldn't sleep, and what made that strange. She had shown the letter to her parents and they had been sure it was real. Her family had been so happy, well most her family. Except Petunia but nothing made her happy; short of doing things Lily didn't even want to think about with her friends and boyfriend. So she just lay there, on her left side with her covers pulled up over her head.
It was no use. She wasn't going to get to sleep. This was so annoying! She needed her sleep! She had been up all last night worried about that damn letter! Frustrated Lily rolled onto her back and glared at the ceiling. Then, and only then did she hear it. Voices. It took her a second to realize where they were coming from.
Lily was beginning to realize that they were coming from the vent. She got up and walked over to the register on the floor when she heard clear as day, "I don't care if she's my sister! She's a fucking freak and she should be put through hell for what she's done!"
"Yeah, well at least I don't look like a barn yard animal," Lily muttered under her breathe with a small smile. But despite what she had said, she was intrigued. She sat down Indian-style next to the tiny grate in the floor and listened.
"I know, Petty," Lily almost cracked up at the nickname, thinking how appropriate it was for her sister. "But do we have to do it this way I mean her freakish-ness might rub off on me. And I don't wanna touch her any more than you do." It was a male voice, and a whiney one at that. Sounded a little like her sisters boyfriend, Vernon. But with the whimpering quality, one couldn't be sure…
"I know. But the little freak is going to feel helpless. And with her knew 'powers' she's gonna be feeling like she can take on the world. Let's just get this over with," her sisters disembodied voice floated up to her. Which, left her wondering what exactly she was talking about.
Lily got up and walked over to her bed, sat with her back to the door. Sitting down on her bed she stared out the window. She glanced back towards the grate. I imagined it, the whole thing. I am slipping. She thought. This letter from that witch school has made me go wacko and forget what's real. Lost in contemplation, she completely missed the figure that slipped through the door and stood silently in the shadows.

She sighed. I really need sleep. I am hearing voices now. And those of my family… That's just creepy. She smiled at that thought, and reached over and turned out the light. That's when Vernon grabbed her. She tried to scream but he covered her mouth.

"Let's be a good little magic freak and make this easy on both of us," he growled at her. Lily was desperate. She tried to bite his hand but he didn't seem to notice. She tried to wiggle out of his grasp but that only made it more difficult. He yanked her up by her hair and literally dragged her down stairs. And to of all places the kitchen.

The light was on and the occupant of the room turned to face her with a cruel smile. "Hello, my dear baby sister! Still feeling all powerful," She cooed in a sugary-sweet voice. Lily glared daggers at her. "You are. Oh that's ok. You always were stupidly stubborn."

Lily tried to struggle again. Vernon was ready for it. He jammed her head into the wall. "You might as well relax and get used to it. Your not getting away," her sister stated. "Now come here and were going to give you a little gift."

Petunia marched over and grabbed her sister's left elbow with one hand and her wrist with the other. She then marched Lily over to 'give her what the little witch deserved.'

Lily's eyes went wide as her sister mashed Lily's forearm onto the burner. All she felt was pain…and she couldn't even scream.

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Four years had passed since then and it had become ritual. Every year she would stay at Hogwarts during all the breaks and every year she would be forced to go home for summer break only to have them pull something similar. She was tired of it. She never told anyone. Who would she tell? Her "dad" had left when she was born and in his absence her mother had turned to drugs and alcohol to fill that gap in her life. Her mother would have called her a liar if she had told her.

Then, there was Todd. Todd was her mother's live-in boyfriend. She was supposed to consider him her father. She figured if he didn't love her mother enough to marry her, than Lily didn't care about him enough to think of him in that way. She wouldn't tell him either she knew he had only pretended to be happy about her letter. The only thing that had pleased him about it was that she was gone for nine months out of the year. He would probably give "Petty" an award, the-fourteen year old thought with contempt.

Lily absent mindedly traced the rubbery concentric scars on her forearm, the physical reminder of that night. She had tried her hardest not to give up on life. If life was really a dance, then Lily decided that she had absolutely no rhythm. She'd tried to keep on a smile, tried to stay out of the spotlight, tired to keep on living. But her hardest was not hard enough. And now standing in the middle of the forbidden forest she sat down and waited for whatever may finish her off to show up and get it over with.

That's Chapter One… Hope you enjoyed it if so let me know and if not… Let me know anyways. This is my first ever Harry Potter Fanfic and my first posted angst. So now for thanking my reviewers.

Jennie — Thanx Jen, You have no idea how much your review meant to me. I read it during computer seventh hour and said really loud "OMG! SHE REVIEWED!" lol I got a really weird look from Mrs. Stoneking, the computer teacher.

River Goddess — Thanx. It's reviews like yours that make it worth writing.

Jess S — I know their so much fun to write yet oo so annoying to read…maybe if they weren't so tempting I wouldn't have to write them. :D

Starborn — Thank you a bunch! I am so into the dark L/J stories that people think I'm odd. So to have someone tell me it was good meant a lot!

Sincerely Danni-2005